Breaking News Jokes
133 breaking news jokes and hilarious breaking news puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about breaking news that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Breaking News Short Jokes
Short breaking news jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The breaking news humour may include short current news jokes also.
- Breaking News: bill gates has agreed to pay for Trump's wall On the condition he gets to install windows.
- Breaking News Trump's personal library just burned down The fire consumed both books and he hasn't even finished coloring the second one
- My girlfriend has an onlyfans account and it's doing really well I just have to figure out how to break the news to her
- Breaking news: Germany is advising people to stock up on sausage and cheese. This is starting to look like the Wurst Käse scenario.
- Breaking News: Local Kindergarten reports major Peek-a-Boo accident. All involved were rushed to the ICU
- Breaking News: In a press media briefing, United Airlines ceo Oscar Munoz has stated... "Since we cannot beat our competitors, we have resorted to beating our customers".
- Breaking news just in. A cement mixer has collided with a prison van on the highway, Motorists are asked to be on the lookout for 16 hardened criminals
- My girlfriend said I believe in you and it made me happy. But then I realised she had just affected a culturally inappropriate jamaican accent to break the news that she was moving out.
- BREAKING NEWS: Ethiopian falls into crocodile pond 17 crocodiles confirmed dead so far, with ethiopian still actively feeding.
- A 13 month old baby breaks a mirror, giving it 7 years of bad luck. The good news, his mom is an anti-vaxxer.
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Breaking News One Liners
Which breaking news one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with breaking news? I can suggest the ones about news and news report.
- BREAKING NEWS: Scientists have discovered an amazing fact about icebergs... More below.
- I just took a Polaroid of a breaking news event! More on this story as it develops
- BREAKING NEWS: Man arrested due to possessing a stolen calendar He got twelve months
- BREAKING NEWS: Missing Child Spotted With Pied Piper Of Hamelin More to follow
- Breaking news: The Irish have come up with a new use for sheep. Wool.
- Breaking News: Energizer Bunny Arrested Charged with battery
- In breaking news My arm.
- Breaking news: Mitch Hedberg dead at 48 Has been dead since 37, but is still dead, too.
- Breaking News!! Cross-Eyed circumsiser gets the sack.
- Breaking News: United States is now the largest producer of salt. So Salty...
- BREAKING NEWS! R. Kelly has… Tested positive for she-wasn't 19
- Japan just had an earthquake, I saw it on TV. It was a ground breaking news
- Breaking news: Creator of adobe flash player just died. More updates coming soon.
- Breaking News Cats are at it again.
- What do you get with breaking news? News casts.
Uproarious Breaking News Jokes to Have a Laugh Out Loud Good Time
What funny jokes about breaking news you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean good news jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make breaking news pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I heard this one at school today
Jack and Amy both work for the same company. Their work is going fine until the economy falls and the company starts downsizing. The boss was given the option to fire one of them. He calls Amy into his office to break her the news. He says: "I'll either have to lay you or j**...".
Breaking news, as Kim Jong-Un's nuclear missiles have reached the USA!
Fortunately, the stamps were recognised and they were sent back
BREAKING NEWS: Patriots admit tim tebow hired by mistake.
After tight end Aaron Hernandez request for white Bronco.
BREAKING NEWS
1000 men entered Jordan last night
She said she will be fine after a bit of rest
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Breaking news - The CIA/NSA has decided to stop spying on our European allies...
And will now promise to spy on Americans twice as hard.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
BREAKING NEWS: hole blasted into women's restroom
Officers are looking into it
Breaking News: A Pillow
Did you hear about the corduroy pillow on the news?
... It made headlines...
A Russian military unit receives sad news
One day, a Russian military unit receives news that Pvt. Pavlov's parents had died. The unit decides to break the news to Pavlov as delicately as possible.
The next day, the officer of the unit rounds up the men and then says: "All who have parents, step forward! ...Pvt. Pavlov, where are you going?!".
As the news breaks of the passing of Michele Ferrero...
I can't help but shed a chocolatier.
Confessions of a newly wed.
On the first night of their honeymoon, the husband isn't sure how to tell his bride about his stinky feet and smelly socks, while the wife is wondering how to break the news to him about her awful breath, which so far, she's been able to cover up.
After some soul-searching, the husband gathers his nerve and says, I have a confession.
She draws closer, peers into his eyes, and says, Darling, so do I.
Recoiling, he says, Don't tell me - you've eaten my socks.
BREAKING NEWS: A small, four-seater Cessna has crashed into the Smithville cemetery...
Emergency crews have recovered 236 bodies so far, with more expected as rescue efforts continue into tomorrow.
Breaking News: Criminal author gets 5 years in book case
Check out his story!
What do you get for breaking news?
Newscasts
Breaking news: A man has drowned in a bowl of Cheerios®.
Ironically his family didn't get a chance to say goodbye.
Breaking News: A ship carrying red paint just collided with a ship carrying purple paint, in the South China Sea.
Authorities report that the crews of both ships are marooned
My mother is horrible at breaking bad news...
I came home one day and my mother looked distressed. She told me that she felt really terrible and that she'd been having an affair. She also told me that I couldn't tell dad.
"Why not?" I asked.
She replied, "Because he just passed away."
What is it called when weather in Central America breaks the news?
A topical climate.
Breaking news!!!
Ne ws
Breaking News: PIRATES STOPPED STEALING OIL TANKERS
They switched to stealing tankers filled with printer ink...
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Breaking news: A helicopter has c**... landed into a cemetery in Ireland
The pilots didn't survive, and so far local police have recovered 956 bodies.
BREAKING NEWS: NASA announces Mars Rover discovered new feline-like life form on the Red Planet
Unfortunately, it ran over the newly discovered creature. Yes, it seems Curiosity killed the cat.
Breaking Celebrity News! Academy Award winning Actor, Simmons, and children's book Author, Rowling, eloped earlier today.
JK
Watch out for the bandit stealing and shredding newspapers.
It's breaking news.
Breaking news: Trump has fallen into a wishing well.
I am as surprised as you are. I had no idea they actually worked.
BREAKING NEWS: Texas A&M Library burns to ground...
Both books were completely destroyed.
The worst part is, one of them wasn't even colored in yet.
BREAKING NEWS: Just in from a correspondent in the Middle East.
ISIS to buy all Samsung Galaxy Note 7. #note7
BREAKING NEWS: Donald Trump does not accept presidential election...
Says he doesn't want to move into an estate which previously had black tenants.
Breaking news
This morning saw what will probably become the worst air disaster in the Midwest. An ultralight single-seater plane crashed into a cemetery in Stockholm, Wisconsin. So far, the search and rescue teams have recovered 1736 bodies and as the digging continues into the night, we can only expect that number to climb.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A father comes home from WW2
His wife breaks the sad news in tears: "Our son is dead". At the f**... the fathers last words to his son are: "Hi dead I'm dad"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Remember when I killed that butterfly?
Son: remember when I killed that butterfly and you said no butter for a week?
Dad: ya?
Son: remember when I killed that honeybee and you said no honey for a week?
Dad: ya that was last month?
Son: mom just killed a cockroach, should I break the news to her?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
BREAKING NEWS!! Cheese Factory e**......
De-Brie is everywhere!
Breaking News: Coup Underway - Trump takes control of senate and declares martial law!
Oh wait... That was Palpatine.
False alarm.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Local Hero saves lady from Dog
A man in USA sees a dog attacking a girl! He kicks the dog, it dies!
Newspapers report: "Local Hero saves lady from Dog"
Man says I'm not American
Report changed: "Foreign Hero Saves girl from Dog"
Man says: Actually I'm Pakistani
Breaking News: "t**... killed Innocent Dog which was playing with a girl"
Breaking News: Donald Trump and his staff will be replacing the email system at the White House
They'll be using alternative fax instead
BREAKING NEWS: A Red Cruise ship and a Blue Naval Vessel have collided in the Caribbean...
...and the survivors are marooned.
Breaking News : Apple soon to launch their cars.
with no windows though.
Breaking News: United Airlines to replace carbonated beverage options.
They will now only sell punch.
BREAKING NEWS: Comey caught promoting possible Trump hotel merger
After being fired Comey stated, "You won't be calling it The Watergate for much longer"
Breaking News! Ursula the Sea Witch has taken over and destroyed the local shoe factory. There were no survivors.
Those poor unfortunate soles.
Breaking news! Due to heavy storms, all the rivers in Egypt are flooding.
The citizens of Cairo are still in denial
Breaking news: A teacher was arrested for carrying a protractor, a compass and a divider.
The cited reason for the arrest was: " He was carrying weapons of math instruction".
Little Johnny kills a butterfly
His dad says, "No butter for one week!" Little Johnny kills a honeybee. Dad says, "No honey for one week!" Mom kills a cockroach. Little Johnny turns to his dad and says, "shall I break the news to her?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Breaking News: Louis C.K. makes first published statement regarding the recent alligations of s**... misconduct.
"I'm Gay."
Breaking News: Struggling Chicago Bears Fire John Fox
One can dream. ^(AND CRY)
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
BREAKING NEWS: SCIENTISTS HAVE DISCOVERED A MAN WITH 5 p**...
So far the only thing they have been able to determine is that his pants fit like a glove.
I just saw a "Breaking News" link from Fox News come across my Facebook feed
Fully thought it was their new slogan
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Breaking News: Secretary of Defense Mattis has released an official statement on the realistic outlook of a North Korean pre-emptive attack.
*"We'd whoop-them-Gangum-style."*
Breaking News: North Korea declares war on South Korea!
Related Story: France surrenders to N. Korea!
BREAKING NEWS: Iran announced they will be moving their Embassy to Jerusalem
All their documents, files, blueprints, CD's, videos are already there.
BREAKING NEWS : URANUS IS NOT A PLANET
..... you're sitting on it.
Breaking News: Scientists turn back time
end up with the word "emit"
How do you break the news to a cruciferous vegetable that it's going to die?
Very very broccoli.
Breaking News
An Irish woodworm was found dead
In a brick
Breaking News: Study finds that the average man says 10,000 words a day, while women say 20,000.
Woman: That's because we have to repeat everything we say!
Man: What?
News anchors should really be careful these days...
they're always breaking news.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Breaking News: Cheesecake e**... in France
Multiple reports coming in that there was nothing left but de brie.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Breaking news: £500,000 worth of red bull stolen in The UK
How do those b**... sleep at night?
BREAKING NEWS: South Korea have won the Asian Games...
Meaning Son Heung-min will officially be included in FIFA 19 instead of Battlefield 5.
NOT OC but thought you'd like it.
BREAKING NEWS: a match factory is on fire after workers decided to strike.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Breaking News: New study finds l**... have vitamin deficiency.
Vitamin A and B seem to be regular but they don't seem to be getting enough D.
"This is the hardest part of our job," said the police officer after Adam was pronounced dead in the accident.
"Yeah, but break the news slowly. His wife is a very sensitive person."
The police officer knocks on the door and Adam's wife opens it.
"Are you Adam's widow?" said the police.
Breaking News: Japanese researchers have developed a camera with a shutter speed so fast...
It can actually capture an image of a woman with her mouth shut.
Breaking News: Snoopy has officially been retired from comics.
He was tired of working for Peanuts.
BREAKING NEWS: The leader of North Korea, Kim Jong-un, is brain-dead following an invasive medical procedure.
Officials praise the regime for finding common grounds with the US.
BREAKING NEWS
The inventor of predictive text was injured in a traffic accident.
He's been bacon by ambience to the horse piddle.
Breaking news.
Dyslexic man self sellotapes..
Breaking news! A group of ornithologists have recently published a study concerning the primary cause of death among Swallows:
Apparently, they don't chew their food.
Breaking news: Amidst all the chaos, Eminem just got kicked out of a very high end bar.
Apparantly he asked the bartender for 4 shots but the bartender refused service and said you only get one shot.
