The Best 35 Breaking News Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Breaking News jokes. There are some breaking news announce jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these breaking news break puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 Funniest Breaking News Jokes and Puns

Breaking News: Bill Gates has agreed to pay for Trump's wall

On the condition he gets to install windows.

A little girl runs up to her mother and says "mummy, daddy hanged himself in the basement!"

Upon hearing the news the mother breaks down in tears and, shakily, makes her way into the basement.

When they get there, the woman cannot see the father's corpse.
The little girl then exclaims "April fools! Daddy did it in the garage"

Breaking News Trump's personal library just burned down

The fire consumed both books and he hasn't even finished coloring the second one

In breaking news, Trump's personal library has burned down

The fire consumed both books and in a tragic twist he hadn't even finished coloring the second one

jokes about breaking news

My girlfriend has an onlyfans account and it's doing really well

I just have to figure out how to break the news to her


"This is the hardest part of our job," said the police officer after Adam was pronounced dead in the accident.

"Yeah, but break the news slowly. His wife is a very sensitive person."

The police officer knocks on the door and Adam's wife opens it.

"Are you Adam's widow?" said the police.

BREAKING NEWS: A man who took an Airline company to court after his luggage went missing has lost his case.

Breaking news: Germany is advising people to stock up on sausages and cheese.

This is starting to look like the Wurst Kรคse scenario.

Breaking News: A movie theatre has just been robbed of over two thousand dollars

The theives took a large soda and two bags of popcorn

Breaking News: Local Kindergarten reports major Peek-a-Boo accident.

All involved were rushed to the ICU

Breaking News: In a press media briefing, United Airlines CEO Oscar Munoz has stated...

"Since we cannot beat our competitors, we have resorted to beating our customers".

You can explore breaking news nbc nightly reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean breaking news nightly news dad jokes. There are also breaking news puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


BREAKING NEWS from the courtroom! Amber Heard confesses to having a child with Charlie Sheen. The child went to live with his father and took his name.

Both parents agreed the child should be sheen and not heard.

BREAKING NEWS ! Mary Poppins will no longer be endorsing 'Rimmel Vibrant Shades' lipstick - she claims it breaks too easily and it makes her breath smell .

She gave the following statement:

The super colour fragile lipstick gives me halitosis ..

Breaking news just in. A cement mixer has collided with a prison van on the highway,

Motorists are asked to be on the lookout for 16 hardened criminals

BREAKING NEWS!! Cheese Factory Explosion...

De-Brie is everywhere!

My girlfriend said I believe in you and it made me happy.

But then I realised she had just affected a culturally inappropriate Jamaican accent to break the news that she was moving out.

My wife is leaving me because of my obsession with acting like a news anchor.

More on this after the break.

Breaking News: The CEO of IKEA has been elected Prime Minister of Sweden.

He's currently assembling his cabinet.

BREAKING NEWS: Ethiopian falls into crocodile pond

17 crocodiles confirmed dead so far, with Ethiopian still actively feeding.


A 13 month old baby breaks a mirror, giving it 7 years of bad luck.

The good news, his mom is an anti-vaxxer.

BREAKING NEWS: Donald Trump does not accept presidential election...

Says he doesn't want to move into an estate which previously had black tenants.

Breaking News: A ship carrying red paint just collided with a ship carrying purple paint, in the South China Sea.

Authorities report that the crews of both ships are marooned

BREAKING NEWS: Texas A&M Library burns to ground...

Both books were completely destroyed.
The worst part is, one of them wasn't even colored in yet.

My girlfriend told me that it was either her, or my career as a news reporter

I'm afraid I had some breaking news for her

I just took a Polaroid of a breaking news event!

More on this story as it develops

Breaking News - in Hong Kong, a ship carrying red paint collided with a ship carrying purple paint

CNN reports that both crews are marooned

An older woman is watching the news

When a newscaster cuts in.

"Breaking news! We have reports of a car going the wrong way through heavy traffic on I-85."

The woman knows her husband is travelling, so she calls him up.

"Honey, some idiot's driving the wrong way on I-85. Be careful, please!"

Her husband practically yells back into the phone, "Thanks sweetie, but it's not just one; there's hundreds of them!"

BREAKING NEWS: Man arrested due to possessing a stolen calendar

He got twelve months

A petite fortune teller excapes prison

**Breaking News**

Small Medium at Large


BREAKING NEWS: Missing Child Spotted With Pied Piper Of Hamelin

More to follow

BREAKING NEWS!

Archaeologists digging in a pyramid in Egypt have found a mummy covered in chocolate & hazelnuts, and believe it to be Pharoah Rocher.

Breaking news: The Irish have come up with a new use for sheep.

Wool.

My brothers cat

I was looking after my brothers cat when he called me to see how she was.

Me: She's dead.

Brother: OMG, you don't break bad news like that!

Me: How, then?

Brother: You say that you're afraid you have bad news. Your cat escaped outside, and chased a possum up onto the roof. Unfortunately, the cat fell, and while you did everything you could, the cat couldn't be saved.

Me: I understand, my apologies.

Brother: Anyway, hows Mum doing?

Me: Well, she was up on the roof, chasing a possum...

Breaking news, as Kim Jong-Un's nuclear missiles have reached the USA!

Fortunately, the stamps were recognised and they were sent back


Breaking News

At Miami International Airport today, an individual, later discovered to be a public school teacher, was arrested trying to board a flight while in possession of a compass, a protractor, and a graphical calculator.

Authorities believe he is a member of the notorious Al-Gebra movement which has struck terror into the lives of many for generations. He is being charged with carrying weapons of math instruction.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the breaking news headlines puns are supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working breaking news reporting piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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