Breaking News Jokes
133 breaking news jokes and hilarious breaking news puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about breaking news that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Breaking News Short Jokes
Short breaking news jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The breaking news humour may include short current news jokes also.
- Breaking News: bill gates has agreed to pay for Trump's wall On the condition he gets to install windows.
- Breaking News Trump's personal library just burned down The fire consumed both books and he hasn't even finished coloring the second one
- My girlfriend has an onlyfans account and it's doing really well I just have to figure out how to break the news to her
- BREAKING NEWS: A man who took an Airline company to court after his luggage went missing has lost his case.
- Breaking news: Germany is advising people to stock up on sausage and cheese. This is starting to look like the Wurst Käse scenario.
- Breaking News: A movie theatre has just been robbed of over two thousand dollars The theives took a large soda and two bags of popcorn
- Breaking News: Local Kindergarten reports major Peek-a-Boo accident. All involved were rushed to the ICU
- Breaking News: In a press media briefing, United Airlines ceo Oscar Munoz has stated... "Since we cannot beat our competitors, we have resorted to beating our customers".
- Breaking news just in. A cement mixer has collided with a prison van on the highway, Motorists are asked to be on the lookout for 16 hardened criminals
- My girlfriend said I believe in you and it made me happy. But then I realised she had just affected a culturally inappropriate jamaican accent to break the news that she was moving out.
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Breaking News One Liners
Which breaking news one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with breaking news? I can suggest the ones about news reports and news.
- BREAKING NEWS: Scientists have discovered an amazing fact about icebergs... More below.
- I just took a Polaroid of a breaking news event! More on this story as it develops
- BREAKING NEWS: Man arrested due to possessing a stolen calendar He got twelve months
- BREAKING NEWS: Missing Child Spotted With Pied Piper Of Hamelin More to follow
- Breaking news: The Irish have come up with a new use for sheep. Wool.
- BREAKING NEWS: hole blasted into women's restroom Officers are looking into it
- Breaking News! Cartoonist found dead in his home. Details are sketchy
- Breaking News: Trump has won another state! The state of denial.
- Breaking News: Energizer Bunny Arrested Charged with battery
- In breaking news My arm.
- Breaking news: Mitch Hedberg dead at 48 Has been dead since 37, but is still dead, too.
- Breaking News!! Cross-Eyed circumsiser gets the sack.
- Breaking News: United States is now the largest producer of salt. So Salty...
- BREAKING NEWS! R. Kelly has… Tested positive for she-wasn't 19
- Japan just had an earthquake, I saw it on TV. It was a ground breaking news
Uproarious Breaking News Jokes to Have a Laugh Out Loud Good Time
What funny jokes about breaking news you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean news report jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make breaking news pranks.
I heard this one at school today
Jack and Amy both work for the same company. Their work is going fine until the economy falls and the company starts downsizing. The boss was given the option to fire one of them. He calls Amy into his office to break her the news. He says: "I'll either have to lay you or j**...".
Breaking news, as Kim Jong-Un's nuclear missiles have reached the USA!
Fortunately, the stamps were recognised and they were sent back
BREAKING NEWS: Patriots admit tim tebow hired by mistake.
After tight end Aaron Hernandez request for white Bronco.
BREAKING NEWS
1000 men entered Jordan last night
She said she will be fine after a bit of rest
Breaking News: It has been reported that last night someone broke into the local police station and stole all the toilets in the building.
Police have issued a statement saying that at this moment they have nothing to go on.
Breaking News - in Hong Kong, a ship carrying red paint collided with a ship carrying purple paint
CNN reports that both crews are marooned
An older woman is watching the news
When a newscaster cuts in.
"Breaking news! We have reports of a car going the wrong way through heavy traffic on I-85."
The woman knows her husband is travelling, so she calls him up.
"Honey, some idiot's driving the wrong way on I-85. Be careful, please!"
Her husband practically yells back into the phone, "Thanks sweetie, but it's not just one; there's hundreds of them!"
Breaking News: A Pillow
Did you hear about the corduroy pillow on the news?
... It made headlines...
A Russian military unit receives sad news
One day, a Russian military unit receives news that Pvt. Pavlov's parents had died. The unit decides to break the news to Pavlov as delicately as possible.
The next day, the officer of the unit rounds up the men and then says: "All who have parents, step forward! ...Pvt. Pavlov, where are you going?!".
As the news breaks of the passing of Michele Ferrero...
I can't help but shed a chocolatier.
Confessions of a newly wed.
On the first night of their honeymoon, the husband isn't sure how to tell his bride about his stinky feet and smelly socks, while the wife is wondering how to break the news to him about her awful breath, which so far, she's been able to cover up.
After some soul-searching, the husband gathers his nerve and says, I have a confession.
She draws closer, peers into his eyes, and says, Darling, so do I.
Recoiling, he says, Don't tell me - you've eaten my socks.
BREAKING NEWS: A small, four-seater Cessna has crashed into the Smithville cemetery...
Emergency crews have recovered 236 bodies so far, with more expected as rescue efforts continue into tomorrow.
Breaking News: A ship carrying red paint just collided with a ship carrying purple paint, in the South China Sea.
Authorities report that the crews of both ships are marooned
My mother is horrible at breaking bad news...
I came home one day and my mother looked distressed. She told me that she felt really terrible and that she'd been having an affair. She also told me that I couldn't tell dad.
"Why not?" I asked.
She replied, "Because he just passed away."
Breaking news!!!
Ne ws
Breaking news: A helicopter has c**... landed into a cemetery in Ireland
The pilots didn't survive, and so far local police have recovered 956 bodies.
BREAKING NEWS: NASA announces Mars Rover discovered new feline-like life form on the Red Planet
Unfortunately, it ran over the newly discovered creature. Yes, it seems Curiosity killed the cat.
Breaking Celebrity News! Academy Award winning Actor, Simmons, and children's book Author, Rowling, eloped earlier today.
JK
What do you get with breaking news?
News casts.
Breaking news: Trump has fallen into a wishing well.
I am as surprised as you are. I had no idea they actually worked.
BREAKING NEWS: Texas A&M Library burns to ground...
Both books were completely destroyed.
The worst part is, one of them wasn't even colored in yet.
BREAKING NEWS: Just in from a correspondent in the Middle East.
ISIS to buy all Samsung Galaxy Note 7. #note7
BREAKING NEWS: Donald Trump does not accept presidential election...
Says he doesn't want to move into an estate which previously had black tenants.
Breaking news
This morning saw what will probably become the worst air disaster in the Midwest. An ultralight single-seater plane crashed into a cemetery in Stockholm, Wisconsin. So far, the search and rescue teams have recovered 1736 bodies and as the digging continues into the night, we can only expect that number to climb.
Remember when I killed that butterfly?
Son: remember when I killed that butterfly and you said no butter for a week?
Dad: ya?
Son: remember when I killed that honeybee and you said no honey for a week?
Dad: ya that was last month?
Son: mom just killed a cockroach, should I break the news to her?
BREAKING NEWS!! Cheese Factory e**......
De-Brie is everywhere!
BREAKING NEWS: Ethiopian falls into crocodile pond
17 crocodiles confirmed dead so far, with Ethiopian still actively feeding.
Breaking News: Coup Underway - Trump takes control of senate and declares martial law!
Oh wait... That was Palpatine.
False alarm.
Local Hero saves lady from Dog
A man in USA sees a dog attacking a girl! He kicks the dog, it dies!
Newspapers report: "Local Hero saves lady from Dog"
Man says I'm not American
Report changed: "Foreign Hero Saves girl from Dog"
Man says: Actually I'm Pakistani
Breaking News: "t**... killed Innocent Dog which was playing with a girl"
Breaking News: Donald Trump and his staff will be replacing the email system at the White House
They'll be using alternative fax instead
Breaking News! Ursula the Sea Witch has taken over and destroyed the local shoe factory. There were no survivors.
Those poor unfortunate soles.
Breaking news: Creator of adobe flash player just died.
More updates coming soon.
Breaking news! Due to heavy storms, all the rivers in Egypt are flooding.
The citizens of Cairo are still in denial
BREAKING NEWS!
Archaeologists digging in a pyramid in Egypt have found a mummy covered in chocolate & hazelnuts, and believe it to be Pharoah Rocher.
Breaking news: A teacher was arrested for carrying a protractor, a compass and a divider.
The cited reason for the arrest was: " He was carrying weapons of math instruction".
Breaking news: There was a massive cheese factory e**... in France today.
There were no casualties, but de brie everywhere!
Breaking news : ISIS has surrendered
As soon as they read that Hugh Hefner has died , they realized there won't be any more virgins left for them in heaven, and have laid down their arms and will lead peaceful lives with their current wives .
Little Johnny kills a butterfly
His dad says, "No butter for one week!" Little Johnny kills a honeybee. Dad says, "No honey for one week!" Mom kills a cockroach. Little Johnny turns to his dad and says, "shall I break the news to her?"
Breaking News: Louis C.K. makes first published statement regarding the recent alligations of s**... misconduct.
"I'm Gay."
Breaking News: Struggling Chicago Bears Fire John Fox
One can dream. ^(AND CRY)
BREAKING NEWS: SCIENTISTS HAVE DISCOVERED A MAN WITH 5 p**...
So far the only thing they have been able to determine is that his pants fit like a glove.
I just saw a "Breaking News" link from Fox News come across my Facebook feed
Fully thought it was their new slogan
Breaking news from Egypt: they found a tomb covered in chocolate and nuts.
They said it was a Pharaoh Rocher.
Breaking News
Cats are at it again.
A petite fortune teller excapes prison
**Breaking News**
Small Medium at Large
BREAKING NEWS : URANUS IS NOT A PLANET
..... you're sitting on it.
News break: A fortune telling midget just escaped from prison, police are reporting to be on the lookout for a:
Small medium at large.
How do you break the news to a cruciferous vegetable that it's going to die?
Very very broccoli.
Breaking News: Study finds that the average man says 10,000 words a day, while women say 20,000.
Woman: That's because we have to repeat everything we say!
Man: What?
***Breaking News*** UPS and FedEx set to merge this Friday!
...They're going to call it: FedUp
Breaking News: Cheesecake e**... in France
Multiple reports coming in that there was nothing left but de brie.
Breaking news: £500,000 worth of red bull stolen in The UK
How do those b**... sleep at night?
"This is the hardest part of our job," said the police officer after Adam was pronounced dead in the accident.
"Yeah, but break the news slowly. His wife is a very sensitive person."
The police officer knocks on the door and Adam's wife opens it.
"Are you Adam's widow?" said the police.
BREAKING NEWS!
Two tanker ships collided and sank in the southern Pacific Ocean yesterday. One was filled with red paint and the other, smaller tanker, was filled with blue paint. All crew members survived but now are marooned on an uninhabited island.
Breaking News: Japanese researchers have developed a camera with a shutter speed so fast...
It can actually capture an image of a woman with her mouth shut.
Breaking News: Snoopy has officially been retired from comics.
He was tired of working for Peanuts.
A 13 month old baby breaks a mirror, giving it 7 years of bad luck.
The good news, his mom is an anti-vaxxer.
URGENT BREAKING NEWS...
Corduroy pillow cases are making all the headlines.
Breaking news: Sean Connery had a bunch of books fall on him.
When asked what happened, he said, "I'm ok, I only have my shelf to blame."
BREAKING NEWS: The leader of North Korea, Kim Jong-un, is brain-dead following an invasive medical procedure.
Officials praise the regime for finding common grounds with the US.
BREAKING NEWS
The inventor of predictive text was injured in a traffic accident.
He's been bacon by ambience to the horse piddle.
Breaking news: Amidst all the chaos, Eminem just got kicked out of a very high end bar.
Apparantly he asked the bartender for 4 shots but the bartender refused service and said you only get one shot.
BREAKING NEWS: Ghislaine Maxwell, former on again / off again partner of Epstein, has been arrested by the FBI.
In other news, Prince Andrew has just suffered a heart attack, Bill Clinton has suddenly developed Alzheimer's, and all prison guards at Maxwell's detention centre have suddenly had to take long naps...
A little girl runs up to her mother and says "mummy, daddy hanged himself in the basement!"
Upon hearing the news the mother breaks down in tears and, shakily, makes her way into the basement.
When they get there, the woman cannot see the father's corpse.
The little girl then exclaims "April fools! Daddy did it in the garage"
Breaking News in North Korea: 11.47PM - 1 active Covid case detected !
Update at 11.48PM - 0 active Covid cases
My wife is threatening to leave me because of my obsession with acting like a TV news anchor.
More on this after the break.
