The Best 87 Breaking Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Breaking jokes. There are some breaking break up lines jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these breaking breach puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Breaking Jokes and Puns

Breaking News: Bill Gates has agreed to pay for Trump's wall

On the condition he gets to install windows.

My Gramps just passed away. This was his favorite joke to tell.

*Sorry for the meta of this, I'm still reeling a little. I post two or three (or ten--sorry for breaking rules) jokes on this sub every day. A lot of them are simply awful, but they're all original, and my Gramps was a huge inspiration for me becoming a comedy "writer." But this is an old joke, and he loved to tell it every time I saw him. He knew quite a few others too, but this was always my favorite.*

A man is out on a golf course, when he hears someone shout "FORE!"

He looks this way and that but doesn't see the ball, until *WHACK!* He shouts and curses and moans, holding both hands over his crotch.

"Oh, you poor thing!" a woman cries, running over to assist him. She gets on her knees and starts to rub his groin with her hands. "Is that better?"

He shakes his head, so she pulls his pants down and starts rubbing it in earnest. After a few minutes, she smiles and says, "That seemed to help a lot!"

"Oh, it was wonderful!" he says. "But the ball hit my thumb!"

*

Just finished watching that Documentary on the invention of the shovel...

Ground Breaking Stuff.

Breaking joke, Just finished watching that Documentary on the invention of the shovel...

Princess Diana Jokes

What's the difference between Princess Diana and a blade of grass? About six feet.

How is Princess Diana like a mobile phone? Both die in tunnels.

Where does Diana stay when she visits Paris? Any place she can crash.

How is Princess Diana like breaking a bone? Both need a doctor to remove the plaster of paris.

What's the difference between Princess Diana and thirty-nine pennies? It's easier to scrape together thirty-nine pennies.

Why did Princess Diana cross the road? Because she wasn't wearing a seatbelt.

What's the difference between Princess Diana an Casper the ghost? Casper can go through walls, Diana can't.

What's the difference between a Mercedes and Princess Diana? A Mercedes will easily reach 40.

What would Di be doing if she were alive today? Scratching at the lid of her coffin.

Yes I am a horrible person wow.

Q: How can u drop an egg onto a concrete floor without breaking it?

A: Any way you want, concrete floors tend to be very hard to crack.


Only three doors

An airline captain was breaking in a new blonde stewardess. The route they were flying had a layover in another city. Upon their arrival, the captain showed the stewardess the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop and stay overnight.

The next morning, as the pilot was preparing the crew for the day's route, he noticed the new stewardess was missing. He knew which room she was in at the hotel and called her up wondering what happened. She answered the phone, crying, and said she couldn't get out of her room. "You can't get out of your room?" the captain asked, "Why not?"

The stewardess replied: "There are only three doors in here," she sobbed, "one is the bathroom, one is the closet, and one has a sign on it that says 'Do Not Disturb'!"

How can you drop an egg six feet without breaking it?

By dropping it seven feet - it won't break for the first six.

Breaking joke, How can you drop an egg six feet without breaking it?

What's the difference between illegal and unlawful?

Unlawful is the act of breaking the law. Illegal is a sick bird.

An Elderly Man Goes to the Doctor's.

Help, Doc. I just got married to this 21 year old woman.
She is hot and all she wants to do is have sex all day long.

So what's the problem?

Breaking down in tears....

I can't remember where I live.

Breaking news, as Kim Jong-Un's nuclear missiles have reached the USA!

Fortunately, the stamps were recognised and they were sent back

Two black guys are walking down the road when they are run over by a drunk-driving cop...

The first guy went through the windshield and the second guy was thrown 50 feet and landed in the ditch.

The first black guy was charged with breaking and entering, and the second guy was charged with leaving the scene of an accident.

You can explore breaking breaking off reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean breaking hostel dad jokes. There are also breaking puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


What did Mike Tyson say when he saw Breaking Bad?

That's methed-up!

Whenever I meet someone for the first time, I avoid telling Titanic jokes because

they're terrible at breaking the ice.

Breaking News - in Hong Kong, a ship carrying red paint collided with a ship carrying purple paint

CNN reports that both crews are marooned

An older woman is watching the news

When a newscaster cuts in.

"Breaking news! We have reports of a car going the wrong way through heavy traffic on I-85."

The woman knows her husband is travelling, so she calls him up.

"Honey, some idiot's driving the wrong way on I-85. Be careful, please!"

Her husband practically yells back into the phone, "Thanks sweetie, but it's not just one; there's hundreds of them!"

If you think 7 years of bad luck is too much for breaking a mirror ...

try breaking a condom.

Breaking joke, If you think 7 years of bad luck is too much for breaking a mirror ...

Alcoholics don't run in my family...

They stumble around breaking things

What's the hardest part breaking up with a Japanese girlfriend?

You have to drop the bomb on her twice before she gets it.

Breaking news: The Irish have come up with a new use for sheep.

Wool.


BREAKING NEWS: hole blasted into women's restroom

Officers are looking into it

Yo mama is so fat that

when she walked in front of the TV, I missed 3 seasons of Breaking Bad

Breaking: scientists sneak up on periodic table

And add the element of surprise

BREAKING - The Russian Navy has released a statement after accidentally sinking one of it's own submarines

Oops, wrong sub.

BREAKING NEWS: A man who took an Airline company to court after his luggage went missing has lost his case.

Breaking News: A ship carrying red paint just collided with a ship carrying purple paint, in the South China Sea.

Authorities report that the crews of both ships are marooned

What do you call 3 mexicans breaking into somewhere?

Trespassers

BREAKING: Police are trying to rescue a cow lost in a cannabis field.

The steaks have never been higher.

Breaking up is like physics ...

She keeps saying that I have no energy.

I keep telling her that I have potential.

I asked my girlfriend if she'd like a day of eating ice cream and hanging with her girl friends.

She said "Yes!". I said "Good, because I'm breaking up with you."

After sex, my wife told me I deserve a Gold Medal for my performance,

for breaking Usain Bolt's record and finishing under 10 seconds.

A cop pulls a driver over for speeding

The driver says, "C'mon, everyone on the road was breaking the speed limit."

The cop nods and says, "Tell me, have you ever been fishing?"

"Yeah... What's that got to do with it?"

"Did you catch *all* the fish?"

BREAKING NEWS: Texas A&M Library burns to ground...

Both books were completely destroyed.
The worst part is, one of them wasn't even colored in yet.

From how high can you drop an egg onto a concrete floor without breaking it?

Higher than you would think, the structural integrity of a well laid concrete floor renders it virtually indestructible towards an incoming egg, even at terminal velocity.

My wife said she's breaking up with me, because of my obsession with rhyming,

I nearly choked on my tea, what terrible timing!

BREAKING NEWS: Donald Trump does not accept presidential election...

Says he doesn't want to move into an estate which previously had black tenants.

Election Day was the perfect day to go see Doctor Strange...

I got to experience a scary bizarro world were sanity was cast aside and the laws of nature were twisted to the breaking point, and I also went to a movie.

Why do baby boomers like fracking so much?

Because figuratively breaking the country apart isn't enough.

I lost my watch at a party last night....

After about an hour of looking for it I finally found it on the ground. A man was stepping on it while he was harassing some woman. Infuriated, I walked over to him and punched him in the face, breaking his nose. No one mistreats a woman, not on my watch.

What if aliens are responsible for global warming?

And this is just their way of breaking the ice.

BREAKING NEWS!! Cheese Factory Explosion...

De-Brie is everywhere!

What's worse than getting 7 years of bad luck from breaking a mirror?

Getting a lifetime of bad luck from breaking a condom.

BREAKING NEWS: Ethiopian falls into crocodile pond

17 crocodiles confirmed dead so far, with Ethiopian still actively feeding.

In breaking news, Trump's personal library has burned down

The fire consumed both books and in a tragic twist he hadn't even finished coloring the second one

Breaking News: A movie theatre has just been robbed of over two thousand dollars

The theives took a large soda and two bags of popcorn

Did you hear? They invented a new shovel!

It's ground breaking!

Breaking News: In a press media briefing, United Airlines CEO Oscar Munoz has stated...

"Since we cannot beat our competitors, we have resorted to beating our customers".

Girlfriend: "We're breaking up."

Boyfriend: "Why?"

Girlfriend: "You're always playing video games."

Boyfriend: "This is a stupid thing to *Fallout 4*."

All Credit goes to my friend

What do you call an Irish man who's always breaking up fights?

Liam Mallone

BREAKING NEWS!

Archaeologists digging in a pyramid in Egypt have found a mummy covered in chocolate & hazelnuts, and believe it to be Pharoah Rocher.

Breaking News: NFL responds to lost revenue from kneeling controversy

Breaking News: The NFL announced today that because of lost revenue due to kneeling, an NFL Team had to be cut. Tampa Bay and the Green Bay Packers will be combining forming the Tampacks. They will be good for only one period and will have no second string...

Whats the worst thing about breaking up with a Japanese girl

You have to drop the bomb twice before she gets it

What's the hardest part about breaking up with a Japanese chick?

You have to drop the bomb twice before she gets the message.

Have you ever heard of the invention of the shovel?

It was ground breaking.

There's been a local bloke called Carl going around breaking into people's houses for months...

The Police couldn't catch him. The weird thing is he was breaking into people's houses just to ruin their washing machines by putting bricks in them and turning them on!

Anyway, just heard that he was found dead in an alleyway because of a drug overdose... now it's never nice hearing of a death but on the bright side, washing machines live longer with Carl gone

My ex is still angry with me for breaking her wheelchair

I'm fine though, I know she'll come crawling back to me soon enough.

I just got caught breaking two of my dad's favorite queen records

Now I want to break three

A petite fortune teller excapes prison

**Breaking News**

Small Medium at Large

I find it strange how everyone suddenly cares about straws killing dolphins...

They've been breaking camels' backs for years.

The worst part about breaking up with my Japanese girlfriend?

Having to drop the bomb twice for her to get the message.

The England Football Team visited an Orphanage in Russia yesterday..

"It's heart breaking to see their little faces with no hope", said Vladimir, aged 6.

What's the worst thing that can happen to a man?

Running into a wall while erect and breaking your nose.

With a grim look on his face, my doctor told me I had onomatopoeia. Breaking in to a cold sweat, I gasped, What's that?!

He whispered, It's exactly what it sounds like.

Breaking news just in. A cement mixer has collided with a prison van on the highway,

Motorists are asked to be on the lookout for 16 hardened criminals

A mime was arrested after getting into a bar fight and breaking his left arm.

He still has the right to remain silent.

I just took a Polaroid of a breaking news event!

More on this story as it develops

Whats the worst thing about breaking up with a Japanese girl

You have to drop the bomb twice before she finally gets it

My son calling me dad was my breaking point

I finally shaved my legs

BREAKING: North Korean leader in a vegetative state following surgery.

They've begun calling him Kim Jong Un-Responsive

On the first day of college, the dean addressed the students...

On the first day of college, the dean addressed the students, pointing

out some of the rules:

"The female dormitory will be out-of-bounds for all male students, and

the male dormitory to the female students. Anybody caught breaking

this rule will be fined $20 the first time. Anybody caught breaking this

rule the second time will be fined $60. Being caught a third time will

cost you $180. Are there any questions?"

How much for a season pass?

A crow was caught recently breaking quarantine laws.

They charged him with attempted murder.

I once went to the liquor store at the corner riding my bike

I meant to buy a bottle of whisky

On my way back home I felt like I could fall off my bike and end up breaking the bottle of whisky

So I decided to drink it all at once right there

It was the best decision of my life because on my way back home I fell off my bike like 8 times.

Breaking News: Local Kindergarten reports major Peek-a-Boo accident.

All involved were rushed to the ICU

BREAKING NEWS: Man arrested due to possessing a stolen calendar

He got twelve months

Breaking: Donald Trump has just won another state.

Denial.

Breaking news: Germany is advising people to stock up on sausages and cheese.

This is starting to look like the Wurst KΓ€se scenario.

In breaking news, Trump's personal library has burned down.

The fire consumed both books and in a tragic twist, he hadn't even finished coloring the second one.



BREAKING NEWS: A man was presented into the ER after shoving 6 plastic horses up his ass...

Doctors say that his condition is stable.

This guy out there asking the real questions

On the first day of college, the Dean addressed the students, pointing out some of the rules. "The female hostel will be prohibited for all male students, and the male dormitory to the female students. Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $50 the first time." He continued, "Anybody caught breaking this rule the second time will be fined $100. Being caught a third time will incur a hefty fine of $200. Are there any questions?" At this, a male student in the crowd inquired, "How much for a season pass?"

My girlfriend messaged me to say she's breaking up with me because I'm too childish. So I marched over to her house, rang her door bell and ran away

That'll teach her

Did you hear about the guy breaking into peoples houses and drinking all their coffee?

I don't know how he sleeps at night!!

Name a ground breaking invention

A shovel

BREAKING NEWS: Missing Child Spotted With Pied Piper Of Hamelin

More to follow

My boyfriend was breaking up with me and started to walk out the door

So I jammed my knee into his stomach.

You can't leave, I kneed you

Daughter asked me why she can't just quit school..

And I told her parents are required by the law to send kids to school and if they don't then they'll go to jail for breaking the law. My sweet child with a solemn look on her face looked me in the eye and said Mom I'll visit you.

A young boy asked his dad why does Santa only visit once a year?

The dad replied because he's in jail the rest of the year for breaking and entering .

I decided against breaking into the Home Depot to steal their largest egg beater...

It was too big a whisk

Breaking bad

I was talking to someone about Breaking Bad and they asked me if I remembered who Hector Salamanca was, I told them that he rings a bell

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the breaking broke jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working breaking cranston piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes