Breaking Jokes

Laugh at the wackiest jokes ever! Keep it light-hearted and enjoy the laughs this article has to offer. We delve into everything from Breaking Bad to Breaking News, Breaking Up to Breaking Bad Insider, and even Breaking Rules and Breaking Wind. Explore the curious case of a geneticist who underwent amputation for a joke, and much more. Laugh it off with this article on Breaking Jokes.

Cheeky Breaking Jokes that Will Make You and Your Friends Chuckle

Breaking News: Bill Gates has agreed to pay for Trump's wall

On the condition he gets to install windows.

My Gramps just passed away. This was his favorite joke to tell.

*Sorry for the meta of this, I'm still reeling a little. I post two or three (or ten--sorry for breaking rules) jokes on this sub every day. A lot of them are simply awful, but they're all original, and my Gramps was a huge inspiration for me becoming a comedy "writer." But this is an old joke, and he loved to tell it every time I saw him. He knew quite a few others too, but this was always my favorite.*

A man is out on a golf course, when he hears someone shout "FORE!"

He looks this way and that but doesn't see the ball, until *WHACK!* He shouts and curses and moans, holding both hands over his crotch.

"Oh, you poor thing!" a woman cries, running over to assist him. She gets on her knees and starts to rub his groin with her hands. "Is that better?"

He shakes his head, so she pulls his pants down and starts rubbing it in earnest. After a few minutes, she smiles and says, "That seemed to help a lot!"

"Oh, it was wonderful!" he says. "But the ball hit my thumb!"

*

Just finished watching that Documentary on the invention of the shovel...

Ground Breaking Stuff.

Princess Diana Jokes

What's the difference between Princess Diana and a blade of grass? About six feet.

How is Princess Diana like a mobile phone? Both die in tunnels.

Where does Diana stay when she visits Paris? Any place she can crash.

How is Princess Diana like breaking a bone? Both need a doctor to remove the plaster of paris.

What's the difference between Princess Diana and thirty-nine pennies? It's easier to scrape together thirty-nine pennies.

Why did Princess Diana cross the road? Because she wasn't wearing a seatbelt.

What's the difference between Princess Diana an Casper the ghost? Casper can go through walls, Diana can't.

What's the difference between a Mercedes and Princess Diana? A Mercedes will easily reach 40.

What would Di be doing if she were alive today? Scratching at the lid of her coffin.

Yes I am a horrible person wow.

jokes about breaking

Q: How can u drop an egg onto a concrete floor without breaking it?

A: Any way you want, concrete floors tend to be very hard to crack.

Only three doors

An airline captain was breaking in a new blonde stewardess. The route they were flying had a layover in another city. Upon their arrival, the captain showed the stewardess the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop and stay overnight.

The next morning, as the pilot was preparing the crew for the day's route, he noticed the new stewardess was missing. He knew which room she was in at the hotel and called her up wondering what happened. She answered the phone, crying, and said she couldn't get out of her room. "You can't get out of your room?" the captain asked, "Why not?"

The stewardess replied: "There are only three doors in here," she sobbed, "one is the bathroom, one is the closet, and one has a sign on it that says 'Do Not Disturb'!"

How can you drop an egg six feet without breaking it?

By dropping it seven feet - it won't break for the first six.

Breaking joke, How can you drop an egg six feet without breaking it?

What's the difference between illegal and unlawful?

Unlawful is the act of breaking the law. Illegal is a sick bird.

An Elderly Man Goes to the Doctor's.

Help, Doc. I just got married to this 21 year old woman.
She is hot and all she wants to do is have sex all day long.

So what's the problem?

Breaking down in tears....

I can't remember where I live.

Two black guys are walking down the road when they are run over by a drunk-driving cop...

The first guy went through the windshield and the second guy was thrown 50 feet and landed in the ditch.

The first black guy was charged with breaking and entering, and the second guy was charged with leaving the scene of an accident.

What did Mike Tyson say when he saw Breaking Bad?

That's methed-up!

You can explore breaking breaking off reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean breaking hostel dad jokes. There are also breaking puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.

Breaking News - in Hong Kong, a ship carrying red paint collided with a ship carrying purple paint

CNN reports that both crews are marooned

An older woman is watching the news

When a newscaster cuts in.

"Breaking news! We have reports of a car going the wrong way through heavy traffic on I-85."

The woman knows her husband is travelling, so she calls him up.

"Honey, some idiot's driving the wrong way on I-85. Be careful, please!"

Her husband practically yells back into the phone, "Thanks sweetie, but it's not just one; there's hundreds of them!"

If you think 7 years of bad luck is too much for breaking a mirror ...

try breaking a condom.

Alcoholics don't run in my family...

They stumble around breaking things

What's the hardest part breaking up with a Japanese girlfriend?

You have to drop the bomb on her twice before she gets it.

Breaking joke, What's the hardest part breaking up with a Japanese girlfriend?

Yo mama is so fat that

when she walked in front of the TV, I missed 3 seasons of Breaking Bad

Breaking: scientists sneak up on periodic table

And add the element of surprise

BREAKING - The Russian Navy has released a statement after accidentally sinking one of it's own submarines

Oops, wrong sub.

BREAKING NEWS: A man who took an Airline company to court after his luggage went missing has lost his case.

Breaking News: A ship carrying red paint just collided with a ship carrying purple paint, in the South China Sea.

Authorities report that the crews of both ships are marooned

BREAKING: Police are trying to rescue a cow lost in a cannabis field.

The steaks have never been higher.

Breaking up is like physics ...

She keeps saying that I have no energy.

I keep telling her that I have potential.

I asked my girlfriend if she'd like a day of eating ice cream and hanging with her girl friends.

She said "Yes!". I said "Good, because I'm breaking up with you."

After sex, my wife told me I deserve a Gold Medal for my performance,

for breaking Usain Bolt's record and finishing under 10 seconds.

A cop pulls a driver over for speeding

The driver says, "C'mon, everyone on the road was breaking the speed limit."

The cop nods and says, "Tell me, have you ever been fishing?"

"Yeah... What's that got to do with it?"

"Did you catch *all* the fish?"

Breaking joke, A cop pulls a driver over for speeding

BREAKING NEWS: Texas A&M Library burns to ground...

Both books were completely destroyed.
The worst part is, one of them wasn't even colored in yet.

From how high can you drop an egg onto a concrete floor without breaking it?

Higher than you would think, the structural integrity of a well laid concrete floor renders it virtually indestructible towards an incoming egg, even at terminal velocity.

My wife said she's breaking up with me, because of my obsession with rhyming,

I nearly choked on my tea, what terrible timing!

BREAKING NEWS: Donald Trump does not accept presidential election...

Says he doesn't want to move into an estate which previously had black tenants.

Election Day was the perfect day to go see Doctor Strange...

I got to experience a scary bizarro world were sanity was cast aside and the laws of nature were twisted to the breaking point, and I also went to a movie.

Why do baby boomers like fracking so much?

Because figuratively breaking the country apart isn't enough.

What if aliens are responsible for global warming?

And this is just their way of breaking the ice.

BREAKING NEWS!! Cheese Factory Explosion...

De-Brie is everywhere!

What's worse than getting 7 years of bad luck from breaking a mirror?

Getting a lifetime of bad luck from breaking a condom.

BREAKING NEWS: Ethiopian falls into crocodile pond

17 crocodiles confirmed dead so far, with Ethiopian still actively feeding.

In breaking news, Trump's personal library has burned down

The fire consumed both books and in a tragic twist he hadn't even finished coloring the second one

Breaking News: A movie theatre has just been robbed of over two thousand dollars

The theives took a large soda and two bags of popcorn

Did you hear? They invented a new shovel!

It's ground breaking!

Breaking News: In a press media briefing, United Airlines CEO Oscar Munoz has stated...

"Since we cannot beat our competitors, we have resorted to beating our customers".

Girlfriend: "We're breaking up."

Boyfriend: "Why?"

Girlfriend: "You're always playing video games."

Boyfriend: "This is a stupid thing to *Fallout 4*."

All Credit goes to my friend

What do you call an Irish man who's always breaking up fights?

Liam Mallone

Whats the worst thing about breaking up with a Japanese girl

You have to drop the bomb twice before she gets it

What's the hardest part about breaking up with a Japanese chick?

You have to drop the bomb twice before she gets the message.

Have you ever heard of the invention of the shovel?

It was ground breaking.

I just got caught breaking two of my dad's favorite queen records

Now I want to break three

I find it strange how everyone suddenly cares about straws killing dolphins...

They've been breaking camels' backs for years.

The worst part about breaking up with my Japanese girlfriend?

Having to drop the bomb twice for her to get the message.

The England Football Team visited an Orphanage in Russia yesterday..

"It's heart breaking to see their little faces with no hope", said Vladimir, aged 6.

What's the worst thing that can happen to a man?

Running into a wall while erect and breaking your nose.

With a grim look on his face, my doctor told me I had onomatopoeia. Breaking in to a cold sweat, I gasped, What's that?!

He whispered, It's exactly what it sounds like.

Breaking news just in. A cement mixer has collided with a prison van on the highway,

Motorists are asked to be on the lookout for 16 hardened criminals

โ€‹

A mime was arrested after getting into a bar fight and breaking his left arm.

He still has the right to remain silent.

I just took a Polaroid of a breaking news event!

More on this story as it develops

Whats the worst thing about breaking up with a Japanese girl

You have to drop the bomb twice before she finally gets it

My son calling me dad was my breaking point

I finally shaved my legs

BREAKING: North Korean leader in a vegetative state following surgery.

They've begun calling him Kim Jong Un-Responsive

On the first day of college, the dean addressed the students...

On the first day of college, the dean addressed the students, pointing

out some of the rules:

"The female dormitory will be out-of-bounds for all male students, and

the male dormitory to the female students. Anybody caught breaking

this rule will be fined $20 the first time. Anybody caught breaking this

rule the second time will be fined $60. Being caught a third time will

cost you $180. Are there any questions?"

How much for a season pass?

A crow was caught recently breaking quarantine laws.

They charged him with attempted murder.

I once went to the liquor store at the corner riding my bike

I meant to buy a bottle of whisky

On my way back home I felt like I could fall off my bike and end up breaking the bottle of whisky

So I decided to drink it all at once right there

It was the best decision of my life because on my way back home I fell off my bike like 8 times.

Breaking News: Local Kindergarten reports major Peek-a-Boo accident.

All involved were rushed to the ICU

BREAKING NEWS: Man arrested due to possessing a stolen calendar

He got twelve months

Breaking: Donald Trump has just won another state.

Denial.

Breaking news: Germany is advising people to stock up on sausages and cheese.

This is starting to look like the Wurst Kรคse scenario.

In breaking news, Trump's personal library has burned down.

The fire consumed both books and in a tragic twist, he hadn't even finished coloring the second one.

โ€‹

โ€‹

BREAKING NEWS: A man was presented into the ER after shoving 6 plastic horses up his ass...

Doctors say that his condition is stable.

This guy out there asking the real questions

On the first day of college, the Dean addressed the students, pointing out some of the rules. "The female hostel will be prohibited for all male students, and the male dormitory to the female students. Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $50 the first time." He continued, "Anybody caught breaking this rule the second time will be fined $100. Being caught a third time will incur a hefty fine of $200. Are there any questions?" At this, a male student in the crowd inquired, "How much for a season pass?"

My girlfriend messaged me to say she's breaking up with me because I'm too childish. So I marched over to her house, rang her door bell and ran away

That'll teach her

A young boy asked his dad why does Santa only visit once a year?

The dad replied because he's in jail the rest of the year for breaking and entering .

Breaking News: The CEO of IKEA has been elected Prime Minister of Sweden.

He's currently assembling his cabinet.

Anybody caught breaking rule will be fined....

The first day of university and Dean addressing the students, pointing out some of the rules: The female dormitory will be out-of-bounds for all male students and the male dormitory to the female students. Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $20 the first time.

He continued, Anybody caught breaking this rule the second time will be fined $60. Being caught a third time will cost you $180. Are there any questions?

At this point, a male student in the crowd inquired: How much for a season ticket?

BREAKING: New Study Shows Getting Hit in the Testicles is More Painful than Childbirth

After childbirth 34% of women said Yes they would like to have another child.

After getting hit in the testicles ~0% of men said Yes they'd like to do that again.

BREAKING NEWS ! Mary Poppins will no longer be endorsing 'Rimmel Vibrant Shades' lipstick - she claims it breaks too easily and it makes her breath smell .

She gave the following statement:

The super colour fragile lipstick gives me halitosis ..

A man was driving on the highway in the US when suddenly he was hit by a drunk driver, breaking his right arm, puncturing his lung, and putting him into a short coma

Despite not having insurance, he left the hospital without any financially crippling debt that would haunt him for the rest of his life and compromise his future savings.

BREAKING: Russia has struck its own submarine with an underwater torpedo in the Black Sea, killing all 69 aboard

Whoops wrong sub

BREAKING: The Internet has been permanently shutdown in Russia, Kremlin announced today, adding that a new network open only to Russians is set to go online within the week

Sources close to the Kremlin says Putin himself took to naming the network, proudly dubbing it as 'The Internyet'

My girlfriend told me that it was either her, or my career as a news reporter

I'm afraid I had some breaking news for her

BREAKING: The US Senate has unanimously approved a bill that would make Daylight Savings Time permanent!

If you ask me, it's about time!

On the first day of college, the Dean addressed the students, pointing out some of the rules.

He says, "The female dormitory would be prohibited for all male students, and the male dormitory would be prohibited for the female students."

Continuing further, he says, "Anyone caught breaking this rule would be fined $50 the first time."
"Anyone caught breaking this rule the second time would be fined $100."
"Being caught the third time, would incur a hefty fine of $200."
"Are there any questions?"

At this, a male student in the crowd inquired, "How much for a season pass?"

BREAKING NEWS from the courtroom! Amber Heard confesses to having a child with Charlie Sheen. The child went to live with his father and took his name.

Both parents agreed the child should be sheen and not heard.

My girlfriend said, I am breaking up with you because of your addiction of wearing a different t-shirt every half an hour.

I said, Wait! I can change.

Breaking News Trump's personal library just burned down

The fire consumed both books and he hasn't even finished coloring the second one

BREAKING: Singapore announces plans to decriminalize gay sex.

Bangkok to follow.

Dear John,

I have been unable to sleep since I broke off our engagement. Won't you forgive and forget? Your absence is breaking my heart. I was a fool, nobody can take your place.
All my love,
Belinda. xxxxoooxxxx

P.S. Congratulations on winning last week's Powerball lottery.

BREAKING: Jeff Dahmer's former landlord arrested.

He used to charge an arm and a leg for rent.

I saw a Burglar breaking his own house the other day.

Turns out he was Working from Home.

King Charles has a realistic chance of breaking one of Queen Elizabeths most famous records:

The record number of 15 prime ministers during her reign.

What is the legal loop hole in breaking and entering laws?

The Santa Clause

In Australia

People are already breaking their New Year's Resolutions

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the breaking breaking wind puns are supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working breaking breaking rules piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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