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Breaking Glass Jokes

49 breaking glass jokes and hilarious breaking glass puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about breaking glass that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Best Short Breaking Glass Jokes

Short breaking glass jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The breaking glass humour may include short broken glass jokes also.

  1. At a gender reveal party, a box is lifted to reveal a glass of water. The crowd goes wild and break
    into a thunderous applause.
    The gender is fluid.
  2. I went to a Jewish wedding, and spotted a red sign. It said, "In case of wedding, break glass"
  3. I always found it hard being a shatter-proof glass salesman, I could never tell them the price I didn't know how to break it to them
  4. Jesus at the Last Supper. Jesus:
    *breaks bread* - This is my body!
    *holds a glass of wine* - This is my blood.
    *starts to open a jar of mayo*
    Judas: Sorry Jesus, I will have to stop you there.
  5. Don't be a glass plate that breaks from the first shock Be a pressure cooker, the fire is under you and the heat inside you while you are whistling and don't even care!
  6. How can you tell if your water is about to break? Someone from Flint puts a glass between your legs
  7. How many ants does it take to screw in a light bulb? 2, one male ant, and one female ant, the male breaks the glass and they both go in and screw
  8. Accidentally locked my baby inside my hot Tesla Cybertruck and I can’t break the glass. Fastening a breaching charge to the windshield. Cover your eyes sweetie ..
  9. Chuck Norris once dropped a glass vase onto the floor.
    The glass apologized for breaking in his presence.
  10. Glass: If someone breaks me, its one year of bad luck Mirror: Thats nothing. If someone breaks me, its seven years of bad luck.
    c**...: hahahaha

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Make fun with this list of one liners, jokes and riddles. Each joke is crafted with thought and creativity, delivering punchlines that are unexpected and witty. The humor about breaking glass can easily lighten the mood and bring smiles to people's faces. This compilation of breaking glass puns is not just entertaining but also a testament to the art of joke-telling. The jokes in this list are designed to display different humor styles, ensuring that every reader at any age finds something entertaining. Constantly updated, they offer a source of fun that ensures one is always smiling !

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Breaking Glass One Liners

Which breaking glass one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with breaking glass? I can suggest the ones about float glass and empty glass.

  1. I thought breaking glass would be easy. Turns out, it's a real pane.
  2. I put my backup cheese grater in a glass box. I'll break the glass in queso-mergency
  3. Why did a blonde turn down a promotion She didn't wan't to break the glass ceiling
  4. Why can't women be botanists? Because they'll break the glass ceiling.
  5. What is it called when someone shatters a glass while dancing? Break dancing.
  6. Why do nerds go to Jewish weddings? Because they break glasses and protect their pockets
  7. What do you get when Philip Glass breaks? John Cage.
  8. Why was the window afraid of hugs? The embrace of emergency breaks glass.
  9. Why did moses break his glasses in half? He wanted to part his sees.
  10. Why did the s**... break his mirror? He wanted a new glass piece.

Breaking Glass Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.

What funny jokes about breaking glass you can tell and make people laugh? One example I can give are clean glass jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help make breaking glass prank.

Four men were bragging about how smart their cats are.
The first man was an Engineer, the second man was an Accountant, the third man was a Chemist, the fourth was a Government Employee.
To show off, the Engineer called to his cat, “Tsquare, do your stuff.”
T-square pranced over to a desk, took out some paper and a pen and promptly drew a circle, a square, and a triangle.
Everyone agreed that was pretty smart.
But the Accountant said his cat could do better.
He called his cat and said, Spreadsheet, do your stuff.”
Spreadsheet went out into the kitchen and returned with a dozen cookies. He divided them into 4 equal piles of 3 cookies each.
Everyone agreed that was good.
But the Chemist said his cat could do better.
He called his cat and said, “Measure, do your stuff.”
Measure got up, walked over to the fridge, took out a quart of milk, got a 10 ounce glass from the cupboard and poured exactly 8 ounces without spilling a drop.
Everyone agreed that was good.
Then the three men turned to the Government Employee and said, “What can your cat do?”
The Government Worker called to his cat and said, “Coffee Break, do your stuff.”
Coffee Break jumped to his feet, ate the cookies, drank the milk, crapped on the paper, s**... the other three cats, claimed he injured his back while doing so, filed a grievance report for unsafe working conditions, put in for Workers Compensation and went home for the rest of the day on sick leave.

If you need to break up with somebody, the best place to do so is McDonalds.
There are no plates or glasses to be broken over your head, no sharp knives or spiky forks, plus you can always hide behind a fat kid.

A guy and his wife went to an expensive golf course.
He said to his wife, "Be careful of the expensive houses around us. I don't know if we can afford to break a window."
His wife tees off and breaks the biggest window of the most expensive looking house.
He said, "Oh no! We had better go ask how much it's gonna be."
So he and his wife go up to the house and see the door open.
They went inside and saw the golf ball lying next to a broken glass bottle.
A man walks up and says, "Thank you!"
The husband said, "I'm sorry about the..."
And the man interrupts, "Oh don't worry about the window. I have to thank you for getting me out of the bottle. You see, I'm a genie. So you get one wish and your wife gets one, but, in return, you have to give me one."
The husband asks for $100 million.
The genie says, "Done."
The wife asks for 80 exotic sports cars.
Genie says, "Done."
"Now, my wish is to have s**... with your wife because, you know, I've been trapped in that bottle for so long."
They agreed since their extravagant wishes had been granted.
And so the genie has s**... with the man's wife, not just once but many times.
When they're done, the genie asks the wife, "How old is your husband?"
She answers, "33."
And, the man said, "And he still believes in genies?"

A teacher notices that a student is not writing notes in his class

Teacher: "Why are you not writing down notes?"
Student: "I broke my glasses, I can't see the board"
Teacher: "How did you break your glasses?"
Student: "Yesterday, while kissing"
Teacher, curiously: "What!? How?"
Student: "She closed her legs"

Workers and Cats

Four men were bragging about how smart their cats are. The first man was an engineer, the second man was an accountant, the third man was a chemist and the fourth man was a government worker. To show off, the engineer called his cat, "T-square, do your stuff." T-square pranced over to a desk, took out some paper and a pen and promptly drew a circle, a square, and a triangle. Everyone agreed that was pretty smart.. But the accountant said his cat could do better. He called his cat and said, "Spreadsheet, do your stuff." Spreadsheet went out into the kitchen and returned with a dozen cookies. He divided them into four equal piles with three cookies each. Everyone agreed that was good. But the chemist said his cat could do better. He called his cat and said, "Measure, do your stuff." Measure got up, walked over to the fridge, took out a quart of milk, got a ten ounce glass from the cupboard and poured exactly eight ounces without spilling a drop. Everyone agreed that was good. Then the three men turned to the government worker and said, ""What can your cat do?" The government worker called to his cat and said, "Coffee Break, do your stuff. Coffee Break jumped to his feet, ate the cookies, drank the milk, crapped on the paper, bit the other three cats, claimed he injured his back while doing so, filed a grievance report for unsafe working conditions, put in for Workers' Compensation and went home for the rest of the day on sick leave.

The Unluckiest Guy in the world

A huge guy is drinking in a bar with his friend, when suddenly he sees a dude who looks really depressed. He looks at his friend and goes, 'You see the guy that seems to be having a really bad day? Well I'm gonna make his day even worse'. So he walks up to the dude and drinks the glass that was in front of him. The dude suddenly breaks into tears and starts crying hysterically. So the guy is surprised and tries to calm him down: ' Dude relax! I was just messing with you. I'll buy another drink'. The dude wipes off his tears and goes, 'I just had the worst day of my life. My car broke down on my way to work so I had to take a cab. I forgot my briefcase in the cab and cost my company millions of dollars. They fired me and I owe them their millions. When I got back from work, I found my wife in bed with my best friend. After all that I decided to end my life with a glass of poison, and you didn't even let me do that!'

Old couple is sitting on the front porch

Old couple is sitting on the front porch. Grandpa is sitting on the bench reading the newspaper, grandma is in a rocking chair knitting. They have been together since prom night. *Grandma seems angry, gets up from the chair goes to grandpa and slaps him so hard he drops the newspaper, his glasses fall on the porch breaking the lens in it.*
Grandpa seems more offended than angry and ask grandma:
*\- Why did you do this?*
grandma replies:
*\- Because throughout the 50 years of our marriage s**... with you was awful!*
Grandpa picks up the newspaper from the ground, fumbles with his lens. After about a minute, *grandpa gets off the bench walks to grandma and kicks out the rocking chair of grandma.* Grandma falls into the flowerbed, sweeps the dirt from her hair and asks grandpa:
*\- Are you out of your mind old f**...? What did you this for?*
grandpa replies:
*\- How do you know what good s**... is?!*

You should always have a pet to make you feel safe...

Just the other night my wife woke me tell me heard glass breaking and footsteps downstairs.
She calmed down when I told it was probably just the fish.

Two chemists walk into a bar..

The first says, "Can I have a glass of H2O?" The second chemist says, "Can I have a glass of water, too?" The first chemist breaks down in tears — his assassination attempt has failed.

Glass: if you break me it's one year of bad luck

Mirror: if you break me it's 7 years of bad luck
c**...: trust me, you don't want to break me

Two engineers are handling a prototype for a new cell phone that they worked on

First engineer: "There's no bezel and it's all made of glass, this thing is going to break so easily!"
Second engineer: "Are you saying that we should redesign this from scratch?!"
First engineer: "Well I think a good case could be made.."

'How to break up with your girlfriend: a two step process'

Step 1: t**... glasses
Step 2: say: 'I'm afraid I can't see you anymore!'

The signs always say, Break glass in case of emergency, but when I had an emergency and broke the glass, my neighbor yelled at me.

Apparently, it was highly inappropriate to throw my drink to the floor, and I could've just asked where the bathroom is.

A joke that only Jews will get.

A Jewish man is getting married to a nonreligious woman. His religion is important to him so she agrees to have a Jewish wedding. The ceremony goes well, and all that's left is for the groom to break the glass. He steps on the glass, and it breaks in such a way that it slices his foot right through the shoe. He's bleeding badly.
The bride screams "Oh no he's hurt! Is anyone here a doctor?"

A man with soiled clothing walks into a bar...

A man with soiled clothing walks into a bar.
The bartender asks him what drink he'd like, to which he replies, "A pint of Guinness please".
As the bartender fills the glass, he asks the man, "What do you do for a living?"
"Well," the man replies, "I go into caves and break the rocks, to find ores and that kind of thing."
The bartender looks sadly at him and sighs. "Sorry sir," he says, "we don't serve miners."

A Russian Joke

People start starving and getting mad at Nikita Khrushchev.
He gets his hammer and breaks the *in case of emergency* glass, inside there are two letters from Stalin.
He opens the first one, it says "Blame everything on me."
This works great. For a while.
Soon, everyone is starving again, and Nikita opens the second letter. It says "Write two letters for your successor."

Courts still use the term "vehicular manslaughter". It's 2021; shouldn't we call it "vehicular human-s**..."?

It's time for women to finally break through the glass windshield.

Scottish engineers have developed a new technique using microwaves for sterilising ambulances. They predict it will take the time to clean one down to under ten minutes.

The problem is getting the ambulance in without breaking the glass plate at the bottom

Years of bad luck

A cocktail glass states, "If you break me, you'll receive 1 year of bad luck".
A mirror replied, "Yeah, well if you break me, you'll receive 7 years of bad luck".
c**... "HA HA HA HA"

Jokes are a form of humor that often involves clever wordplay, puns or unexpected twists in a story. These are usually short narratives or anecdotes crafted with the intent of amusing its audience by ending in an unexpected or humorous punchline. Jokes are a universal form of entertainment that people of all ages like adults, teens, kids and toddlers can enjoy. JokoJokes' FAQ section has answers to questions you may have!

The impact of these breaking glass jokes can be both social and psychological. They can help to ease tensions, create bonds between people, and even improve overall mental health. The success of a joke often relies on the delivery, timing, and audience. Jokes can be used in various settings, from social gatherings to professional presentations, and are often employed to lighten the mood or enhance a story.