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Breaking Bad Jokes

116 breaking bad jokes and hilarious breaking bad puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about breaking bad that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Funniest Breaking Bad Short Jokes

Short breaking bad jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The breaking bad humour may include short breaking rules jokes also.

  1. Yo mama is so fat that when she walked in front of the TV, I missed 3 seasons of Breaking Bad
  2. A 13 month old baby breaks a mirror, giving it 7 years of bad luck. The good news, his mom is an anti-vaxxer.
  3. I was disappointed by the British version of Breaking Bad. It ends after he gets cancer and all his treatment is paid for by the NHS.
  4. A Canadian version of Breaking Bad is in the works It'll be one episode long. Walt is diagnosed with cancer and receives treatment.
  5. Breaking bad I was talking to someone about Breaking Bad and they asked me if I remembered who Hector Salamanca was, I told them that he rings a bell
  6. I felt pretty bad about breaking up with my girlfriend in a text But I felt even worse watching her read it.
    In my defense, what kind of woman checks her phone during her sister's wedding service?
  7. Why was Walter able to commit so much crime for so long on Breaking Bad without getting caught? White privilege.
  8. Why did Bryan Cranston dress up as a priest and go around exorcising nuns' clothing? He was breaking bad habits.
  9. 'Weeds' is a gateway show... ...watching it can lead to binging on more serious programs like 'Breaking Bad'.
  10. Did you hear about the Catholic Sister who opened a Breaking Bad themed Asian restaurant? She is the Nun who Woks.

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Breaking Bad One Liners

Which breaking bad one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with breaking bad? I can suggest the ones about break and broken.

  1. What did mike tyson say when he saw Breaking Bad? That's methed-up!
  2. What do you get when you cross Breaking Bad and LOST? Gilligan's Island
  3. Better names for Breaking Bad? Methin' around
  4. If you break a mirror it's 7 years of bad luck. If you don't use protection it's 18
  5. Why do bad break-dancers get reduced prison sentences? Time served
  6. How can you watch season 6 of Breaking Bad? Convince Gilligan
  7. Why does it smell bad when you destroy fans? Because you're breaking wind.
  8. Oversleeping on a bad mattress ....is back breaking work
  9. walter white confirmed the breaking bad film heisenberg is no more uncertain about it
  10. My favorite cooking show is..... BREAKING BAD.
  11. Why is it bad to have a strong American dollar? It's harder to break bills.
  12. What do you get when you combine Bromine with Barium? "Breaking Bad"
  13. I heard Mike Tyson didn't like Breaking Bad He thought it was too methed up
  14. Do wind power farms smell bad? After all, those windmill blades are breaking wind.
  15. "I'm sorry I spoiled Breaking Bad for you." Saul Goodman.

Hilarious Fun Breaking Bad Jokes That Will Have You Rolling with Laughter

What funny jokes about breaking bad you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean breaking bones jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make breaking bad pranks.

Every ten years, the monks in the monastery are allowed to break their vow of silence to speak two words. Ten years go by and it’s one monk’s first chance. He thinks for a second before saying, “Food bad.” Ten years later, he says, “Bed hard.” It’s the big day, a decade later. He gives the head monk a long stare and says, “I quit.” “I’m not surprised,” the head monk says. “You’ve been complaining ever since you got here.”

Every ten years, the monks in the monastery are allowed to break their vow of silence to speak two words. Ten years go by and it’s one monk’s first chance. He thinks for a second before saying, “Food bad.” Ten years later, he says, “Bed hard.” It’s the big day, a decade later. He gives the head monk a long stare and says, “I quit.” “I’m not surprised,” the head monk says. “You’ve been complaining ever since you got here.”

A woman and a man are involved in a car accident; it's a bad one.
Both of their cars are totally demolished but amazingly neither of them are hurt. After they crawl out of their cars, the woman says, "So you're a man, that's interesting. I'm a woman. Wow, just look at our cars! There's nothing left, but fortunately we are unhurt. This must be a sign from God that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace for the rest of our days."
The man replied, "I agree with you completely."
"This must be a sign from God!" The woman continued, "And look at this, here's another miracle. My car is
completely demolished but this bottle of wine didn't break. Surely God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune."
Then she hands the bottle to the man, The man nods his head in agreement, opens it and drinks half the bottle and then hands it back to the woman.
The woman takes the bottle, immediately puts the cork back in and hands it back to the man.
The man asks, "Aren't you having any?"
The woman replies, "No. I think I'll just wait for the police."

A woman and a man are involved in a car accident; it's a bad one.
Both of their cars are totally demolished but amazingly neither of them are hurt.
After they crawl out of their cars, the woman says, "So you're a man, that's interesting.
I'm a woman.
Wow, just look at our cars!
There's nothing left, but fortunately we are unhurt.
This must be a sign from God that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace for the rest of our days." Flattered, the man replied, "Oh yes, I agree with you completely!"
"This must be a sign from God!" The woman continued,
"And look at this, here's another miracle.
My car is completely demolished but this bottle of wine didn't break.
Surely God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune."
Then she hands the bottle to the man,
The man nods his head in agreement, opens it and drinks half the bottle and then hands it back to the woman.
The woman takes the bottle, immediately puts the cap back on, and hands it back to the man.
The man asks, "Aren't you having any?"
The woman replies, "No.
I think I'll just wait for the police..."

A large group of Russian soldiers...

A large group of Russian soldiers in the border area in 1939 are moving down a road when they hear a voice call from behind a small hill: "One Finnish soldier is better than ten Russian". The Russian commander quickly orders 10 of his best men over the hill where a gun-battle breaks out and continues for a few minutes, then silence. The voice once again calls out: "One Finn is better than one hundred Russians."
Furious, the Russian commander sends his next best 100 troops over the hill and instantly a huge gun fight commences. After 10 minutes of battle, again silence.
The calm Finnish voice calls out again: "One Finn is better than one thousand Russians!"
The enraged Russian commander musters 1000 fighters and sends them to the other side of the hill. Rifle fire, machine guns, grenades, rockets and cannon fire ring out as a terrible battle is fought.... Then silence.
Eventually one badly wounded Russian fighter crawls back over the hill and with his dying words tells his commander,
"Don't send any more men......it's a trap. There are two of them."

Cough medicine.

A pharmacist is about to take a lunch break and he says to his assistant, "I'll be back in an hour, keep an eye on things".
Upon his return, he notices a man outside the pharmacy, standing against the wall, clutching his abdomen, obviously in some pretty serious discomfort.
He continues into the store and asks his assistant, "what's with the guy outside?" to which the assistant says "he came in with a bad cold. I couldn't find the cough medicine, so I gave him some laxatives."
"Laxatives??!!" exclaims the pharmacist, "that's not gonna do anything for his cold!"
"Sure it will," replies the assistant "Look, he's afraid to cough!"

A rather bad man dies and meets Satan...

A rather bad man dies and meets Satan in a room with three doors. Satan explains, "I have good news and bad news. The bad news is that you have to spend eternity behind one of these doors. But, the good news is that you can take a peek behind each and take your choice."
So, the man opened the first door and saw a room full of people, standing on their heads on a concrete floor. Not very nice, he thought.
Opening the second door, he saw a room full of people standing on their heads on a wooden floor. Better, he thought, but best to check the last door.
Upon opening the last door, he saw a room full of people, standing waist-deep in e**... and sipping coffee.
"Of the three, this one looks best," he said and waded in to get something to drink while Satan closed the door.
A few minutes later the door opened, Satan stuck his head in and said, "Ok, coffee break's over, back on your heads!"

The wife is away on business for a week...

... and she calls her husband.
"How's everything?" she says.
"The cat's dead." replies the husband.
"My god, that's awful! Why did you just blurt it out like that?"
"Well how would you want me to tell you?"
"I don't know, break it to me gently, say 'I have some bad news dear, the cat got up in a tree, and he couldn't get down, and unfortunately...' something like that.".
Fair enough, says the husband.
A couple of days later she phones again.
"How's everything?" she says.
"Well, your mother got up in a tree..."

Semper Fi, Motherf*****

A Taliban division is patrolling the desert when, over a nearby dune, they hear a voice call out "One Marine is worth 10 Taliban." The Taliban commander sends 10 of his men over the dune, and a gun battle ensues, then silence.
Then the voice laughs and says "One marine is tougher than 100 Taliban." Angered, the commander sends 100 of his troops over the dune. A fierce gun battle breaks out, then silence.
Then the voice once again calls out: "The Taliban are wimps. One Marine can smash 1000 of you cowards!" Enraged, the commander sends 1000 of his best men over the dune. Bullets are flying everywhere, grenades exploding left and right, and then silence again.
Then, through the smoke, one badly wounded Taliban soldier crawls back over the dune. He looks at his commander and says "Don't send any more men, it's a trap. There are actually TWO of them!"

Choose Wisely...

A rather bad man dies and meets Satan in a room with three doors. Satan explains, "I have good news and bad news. The bad news is that you have to spend eternity behind one of these doors. But, the good news is that you can take a peek behind each and take your choice."
So, the man opened the first door and saw a room full of people, standing on their heads on a concrete floor. Not very nice, he thought.
Opening the second door, he saw a room full of people standing on their heads on a wooden floor. Better, he thought, but best to check the last door.
Upon opening the last door, he saw a room full of people, standing waist-deep in e**... and sipping coffee.
"Of the three, this one looks best," he said and waded in to get something to drink while Satan closed the door.
A few minutes later the door opened, Satan stuck his head in and said, "Ok, coffee break's over, back on your heads!"

Two robbers, Hank and Jeff, break into a jewelry store.

They start taking everything they can get their hands on without triggering the alarms. Hank spots a gold necklace with a huge emerald, the price of which would allow them to live in luxury for the rest of their lives. It was obviously well-secured, however, and Jeff tries to convince him that it's a bad idea and that the alarms will go off. Hank doesn't care and smashes the case and grabs the emerald necklace anyway. Immediately alarms sound and within seconds a huge security guard rushes into the store and grabs Hank and Jeff, tosses them on his shoulders, and hauls them off to jail.
Jeff looks at Hank and says "Next time let's not get carried away."

A woman and a man are involved in a car accident...

It's a bad one, caused by the woman's reckless driving. Both of their cars are demolished but amazingly neither of them are hurt.
After they crawl out of their cars, the woman says; So, you're a man. That's interesting. I'm a woman. Wow, just look at our cars! There's nothing left, but fortunately we are unhurt. This must be a sign from God that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace for the rest of our days."
The man replied," I agree with you completely. This must be a sign from God!
The woman continued, "And look at this, here's another miracle. My car is completely demolished, but this bottle of wine didn't break. Surely God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune." Then she hands the bottle to the man.
The man nods his head in agreement, opens it, drinks half the bottle and then hands it back to the woman. The woman takes the bottle, immediately puts the cap back on, and hands it back to the man.
The man asks, "Aren't you having any?" She replies, "Nah. I think I'll just wait for the police to come and collect their evidence."

Poor Boudreaux . . .

Boudreaux was feeling guilty, so he went to confession.
"Father, I kinda took a little lumber from that new construction site."
Priest: "What did you do with the lumber, my son?
Boudreaux: "Well, Father, my porch, she's had a hole for a long time. I'm afraid that someone will break their leg, so I fix the hole."
Priest: "Well, that's not so bad."
Boudreaux: "Well, Father, I had a little lumber left."
Priest: "What did you do with it?
Boudreaux: "Well, my poor dog Phideaux, he ain't never had no place to get outta the weather, so I make him his own little doghouse."
Priest: "OK, anything else?"
Boudreaux: "Well, Father, I had a little lumber left. So you know, my truck, she ain't never had no place to get outta de weather either, so I make her a two-car garage."
Priest: "Now, this is getting a little out of hand."
Boudreaux: "Well, Father, I still had a little lumber left."
Priest: "Yes?"
Boudreaux: "Well, my wife, she always want a bigger house. So I add two bedrooms and a new bathroom."
Priest: "OK! That's definitely too much. For your penance, you are going to have to make a Novena. You do know how to make a Novena, don't you?"
Boudreaux: "No, Father ... but if you got the plans, I got the lumber."

Remember when Walter Jr. called Skyler a b**...' in Breaking Bad?

That was a pretty polzy move!

I can't get into Breaking Bad because I have trouble remembering all the little facts. For example: the name of Walter's boss at the car wash.

I just need to stop getting Bogdan in the details.

There once was an old mystic

He was too poor to afford shoes, so he often had sores on his feet, and since he was old, he could easily break his bones if he was not careful. He also had a very bad diet, so his breath smelt terrible.
I guess you could say he was a....
**Super Calloused Fragile Mystic Hexed with Halitosis**

If you think 7 years of bad luck is too much for breaking a mirror ...

try breaking a c**....

Six weeks ago, my brother was deployed by Afghanistan...

And today he called home.
He asked me how things were back here, and so I took a deep breath and told him the truth.
"Your cat died."
My brother was aghast, especially at how coldly I said it.
"Joe, that's not how you break bad news." Miles away, I could hear the frustration in his voice. He sighed and explained:
"You should've started with something innocent and then gone from there. Don't open with the worst news. Say something like 'Well, the cat got on the roof... we tried to get her... then she slipped and we couldn't save her'. Understand?"
I told him I understood and thanked him for the advice.
"Alright," he said, "How's mom doing?"
"Well, she got on the roof..."

Blow

So, I was in a bad situation, lost my family, home, all of my money, I needed some cash. Due to this I decided to try my hand at burglary. Thinking big and ambitious I headed to London, to break in to some big mansions there. Finally got it all planned and found the perfect house. Night descended, sure the house was empty, I entered. No problems. Looking through the property I found lines of powder on the coffee table in the living room. Feeling c**... and curious I had a sniff. Amazing. Definitely good Blow. Went down for another line and I heard a deep cockney voice at the other side of the room.
"What are you doing?"
I looked up. "Oh my God" I said "Its Michael Caine!".
"No." He replied. "That's my c**...."

What do Breaking Bad and MH-17 have in common?

The pilot s**...!

The Unluckiest Guy in the world

A huge guy is drinking in a bar with his friend, when suddenly he sees a dude who looks really depressed. He looks at his friend and goes, 'You see the guy that seems to be having a really bad day? Well I'm gonna make his day even worse'. So he walks up to the dude and drinks the glass that was in front of him. The dude suddenly breaks into tears and starts crying hysterically. So the guy is surprised and tries to calm him down: ' Dude relax! I was just messing with you. I'll buy another drink'. The dude wipes off his tears and goes, 'I just had the worst day of my life. My car broke down on my way to work so I had to take a cab. I forgot my briefcase in the cab and cost my company millions of dollars. They fired me and I owe them their millions. When I got back from work, I found my wife in bed with my best friend. After all that I decided to end my life with a glass of poison, and you didn't even let me do that!'

What do you call bad filmography in another dimension?

Breaking the fifth wall.

God gathers the leaders of every nation

to tell them that the world is going to end in a week, and that they must inform their countrymen and women. Shocked, the leaders return home wondering how to best break the news. The next day, they all hold press conferences.
Barack Obama: "I have some good news and some bad news. The good news is that God exists, but the bad news is that the world will end in less than a week."
Robert Mugabe: "I have only bad news. God exists and the world will end in less than a week."
Kim Jong-Un: "I have great news! I am on a first name basis with God, and He told me I would rule until the end of the world!"

How many rocks did Hank Schrader have in his collection by the end of Breaking Bad?

None, they were all minerals.

Why do windbreakers smell bad?

Because all they do is break wind.

They say breaking a mirror is the worst because you get 7 years bad luck

OH PLEASE!!! Try breaking a c**...!

A pharmacist takes a lunch break...

and leaves his assistant in charge. When he gets back he finds everything in order except a man standing at the back of the pharmacy with his head down and arms crossed.
"What's with him?" The pharmacist asks
"He came in with a bad cough, but we're out of cough medicine, so I gave him some 'Ex-Lax' instead" The assistant informs him.
"Are you crazy!" the pharmacist yells, "you can't treat a cough with Ex-Lax,"
The assistant answers, "Well he's not coughing is he?"

English version of Breaking bad in progress

It will last one season with only one episode where Walt will be diagnosed with Cancer but will get treated by NHS and wil end up living on benefits.

My mother is horrible at breaking bad news...

I came home one day and my mother looked distressed. She told me that she felt really terrible and that she'd been having an affair. She also told me that I couldn't tell dad.
"Why not?" I asked.
She replied, "Because he just passed away."

If breaking a mirror is seven years of bad luck. What would have to break to give you 18?

a c**...

A woman wakes her husband up at 2 AM, saying

"Quick, who's scored the highest number of goals in football, ever?"
"Klose", replied the groggy husband.
"And how many episodes of Breaking Bad are there in total?"
"Huh? Wait, let me...55, no, 62, there's 62 total episodes" he replied.
"Who was that girl in that 'Saved by the Bell' show, Kapowski?"
"Tiffani Thiessen, played Kelly Kapowski"
"And also, when'd that new girl, Sandy, move downstairs again?"
"Two months next Wednesday. What's going on honey?" asked the husband, now irritated.
"Yesterday was my birthday."

"Doctor, how's the patient?" Doctor: He's critical.

Patient: Dear prospective viewers, remaking 'Point Break' was a bad mistake. Utterly pointless.

Break a mirror and get 7 years of bad luck...

Break a c**... and get 18

My girlfriend suggested we watch all five seasons of Breaking Bad back to back

So I put two TVs on opposite sides of the room.

Crime is so bad in my country...

that I go to sleep while wearing a balaclava. If they break in they think I'm part of the team

Walter struggled with stopping his car in driving school...

You might say he was breaking bad.

I just saw 3 hours of breaking bad reruns commercial free.

More like breaking ad

Old monk

There once was a very old monk that tended to break his bones when he fell down. He always walked barefooted everywhere he went so his feet were more callouses than soft skin. No one talked to him very long because his breath was so bad it could wilt flowers. They called him Super-calloused-fragile-mystic-cursed-with-halitosis

What's worse than getting 7 years of bad luck from breaking a mirror?

Getting a lifetime of bad luck from breaking a c**....

The rave break dance champion was finally defeated by an underdog !

Too bad she had epilepsy.

A golfer misses a putt...

He read the break as left-to-right, but it hit the edge of the cup and went the other way.
It was a bad lip reading.

Did you hear that Vince Gilligan (of Breaking Bad fame) is now working for Nickelodeon?

The first show he's signed on to do is The Adventures of Skinny Pete & Pete

They say breaking a mirror will give you 7 years of bad luck...

...but breaking a c**... will give you 18

Bad luck

Beer Bottle: You break me, you get 1 year of bad luck!
Mirror: You kiddin' me? You break me, then y'all get 7 years bad luck.
*c**... walks in laughing*

Break a mirror, 7 years of bad luck.

Break a c**..., your bad luck will probably outlive you.

BREAKING NEWS: Snails in Puerto Rico losing their homes just as badly as the people.

But with limited relief resources, they will have to slug it out for awhile.

When actors get drunk

To play a scene where a character is drunk it's method acting
So I'm sure breaking bad must have had plenty of m**... head acting

What happened after the blonde ran to meet her long lost twin sister?

She got seven years of bad luck for breaking her nose on the mirror.

To decide the best tv show ever, I started comparing Game of Thrones & Breaking Bad for two hours

Finally it came down to The Wire

"I have some bad news about your mother..."

-Break it to me gently Doctor.
-OK. Give us a 'D'! Give us an 'E'!...

A beer bottle, a mirror, and a c**... are all talking to each other....

beer Bottle: You break me, you get 1 year of bad luck!
Mirror: You kiddin' me? You break me, then y'all get 7 years bad luck!
c**...: Hahaha... (c**... walks off laughing)

I had to break up with my girlfriend because she had bad breathe...

... I guess it just wasn't mint to be.

beer, mirror, and c**... argument

Beer Bottle: You break me, you get 1 year of bad luck!
Mirror: You kiddin' me? You break me, then y'all get 7 years bad luck!
c**...: ...Hold my beer

How did the Irish hen break out of prison?

\(Irish accent\) It pecked the lock
...is bad OC ok around here? :\)

My friends call me the Titanic because I'm so bad at starting conversations with girls

I can't break the ice

Glass: if you break me it's one year of bad luck

Mirror: if you break me it's 7 years of bad luck
c**...: trust me, you don't want to break me

It's a good thing Breaking Bad wasn't made in England.

A show about a school teacher going to NHS for cancer treatments would s**....

Breaking bad has such a developing protagonist throughout the show

He develops quite the Walter ego

Two women are in prison

Cell mate 1: I think I'm breaking out
cell mate 2: no way that's insane
Cell mate 1: I know my skin is usually like never this bad

Godzuki was a bad kid.

Always breaking things, throwing tantrums.
He spent a lot of time in kaijuvenile hall.

jokes about breaking bad