Breakfast Lunch Jokes
63 breakfast lunch jokes and hilarious breakfast lunch puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about breakfast lunch that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Breakfast Lunch Short Jokes
Short breakfast lunch jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The breakfast lunch humour may include short lunch dinner jokes also.
- What are two things dinosaurs can't have for dinner? Breakfast and lunch.
I'll show myself out now - This morning for breakfast, I made a Belgian waffle. For lunch, I'm planning to make a dutch person uncomfortable.
- If a combined breakfast and lunch is called brunch. What is combining your breakfast, lunch, and dinner called? ...being poor.
- For breakfast, lunch and dinner I eat copies of Final Fantasy, Chrono Trigger and Secret of Mana You could say I eat three square meals a day
- What did you have for breakfast? Pea Soup Q: What did you have for lunch?
A: Pea Soup
Q: What did you have for dinner?
A: Pea Soup
Q: What did you do all night?
A: Pee soup… - If combining your breakfast and lunch is called brunch. What is combining your breakfast, lunch, and dinner called? It's called being poor.
- My friend just brought home five new chickens for her chicken coop, and asked for suggestions for naming them... I suggested "breakfast, lunch, dinner, brunch and supper..."
- If meal between breakfast and lunch is brunch Then a meal between dinner and breakfast is defrost.
- Breakfast, Lunch, and Dinner If Breakfast and Lunch are *Brunch*, and Lunch and Dinner are *Linner*, then Dinner and Breakfast must be *Dickfast*
- If the meal between breakfast and lunch is called brunch and the meal between lunch and dinner is called linner, what's the meal between breakfast and dinner called? Lunch
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Breakfast Lunch One Liners
Which breakfast lunch one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with breakfast lunch? I can suggest the ones about breakfast and lunch.
- Two things you can't eat for breakfast Lunch and dinner
- Capitalism has many problems but communism only has 3 - Breakfast
- Lunch
- Dinner - The Donner Party Diet Breakfast: Jacks
Lunch: Franks
Dinner: Patties - Why don't astronauts eat much at breakfast? So they can be ready for lunch
- What do you call having pizza for breakfast, lunch, and dinner? Regret
- What did the Soviets eat for breakfast, lunch, and dinner? Nothing.
- I eat healthy every day For about six hours
Between breakfast and lunch - What Matthew Mcconaughey movie skips from breakfast to dinner? Failure to lunch.
- Did you hear about the guy who ate Mercury for lunch? and Uranus for breakfast?
- Jarrod has a 6 inch for breakfast a 6 inch for lunch and a twelve year old for dinner.
- The Only Thing Better Then a Yom Kippur Breakfast is a Yom Kippur Lunch.
- Who eats Five Guys for breakfast, lunch, and dinner? Jeffrey d**...
- What do you call a lady with two vaginas? Breakfast and lunch.
Uplifting Breakfast Lunch Jokes to have Hilarious Fun with Friends
What funny jokes about breakfast lunch you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean breakfast food jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make breakfast lunch pranks.
After every sentence i say you say ketchup and rubber buns.
what did you eat for breakfast? "ketchup & rubber buns."
what did you eat for lunch? "ketchup & rubber buns."
what did you eat for dinner? "ketchup & rubber buns."
what do you do when you see a hot girl? "ketchup & rubber buns."
YOU WHERE RUBBING MY GF'S WHAT?!?!
After every sentence i say you say ketchup and rubber buns.
what did you eat for breakfast? "ketchup & rubber buns."
what did you eat for lunch? "ketchup & rubber buns."
what did you eat for dinner? "ketchup & rubber buns."
what do you do when you see a hot girl? "ketchup & rubber buns."
YOU WHERE RUBBING MY GF'S WHAT?!?!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Sid and Irv are business partners.
They make a deal that whichever one dies first will contact the living one from the afterlife.
So Irv dies.
Sid doesn't hear from him for about a year, figures there is no afterlife.
Then one day he gets a call.
It's Irv.
"So there is an afterlife! What's it like?" Sid asks.
"Well, I sleep very late. I get up, have a big breakfast. Then I have s**..., lots of s**.... Then I go back sleep, but I get up for lunch, have a big lunch. Have some more s**.... Take a nap. Huge dinner. More s**.... Go to sleep, and wake up the next day."
"Oh, my God," says Sid "So that's what heaven is like?"
"Oh no," says Irv. "I'm not in heaven. I'm a bear in Yellowstone Park."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A couple made a deal that whoever died first would come back and inform the other of the afterlife.
Their biggest fear was that there was no afterlife.
After a long life, the husband was the first to go, and true to his word he made contact, “Mary. Mary.”
“Is that you, Fred?”
“Yes, I’ve come back like we agreed.”
“What’s it like?”
“Well, I get up in the morning, I have s**..., I have breakfast, off to the golf course, I have s**..., I bathe in the sun, and then I have s**... twice. I have lunch, another romp around the golf course, then s**... pretty much all afternoon. After supper, golf course again. Then have s**... until late at night. The next day it starts again.”
“Oh, Fred you surely must be in heaven.”
“Not exactly, I’m a sheep in Wales.”
I decided to grab a burger at a drive-thru.
There were no cars in sight, so I rolled up to the pay window.
"We're still serving breakfast. And you have to order at the speaker," the clerk scolded.
I drove all the way around the building to the squawk box and ordered a breakfast sandwich.
"I'm sorry," she said, "we are now serving lunch."
If you want to lose weight, it is not so difficult as it seems.
You only have to leave out the third breakfast, the fourth lunch and the fifth dinner.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Reincarnation.
A couple made a deal that whoever died first would come back and inform the other if there is s**... after death.
Their biggest fear was that there was no after life at all.
After a long life together, the husband was the first to die.
True to his word, he made the first contact:
"Marion... Marion"
"Is that you, Bob?"
"Yes, I've come back like we agreed."
"That's wonderful! What's it like?"
"Well, I get up in the morning, I have s**..., breakfast and then it's off to the golf course then I have s**... again, bathe in the warm sun, then have s**... a couple of more times."
"Then I have lunch (You'd be proud - lots of greens) another romp around the golf course, then pretty much have s**... the rest of the afternoon."
"After supper it's back to the golf course again, then it's more s**... until late at night, where I catch some much needed sleep, and then the next day it starts all over again."
"Oh, Bob are you in Heaven?"
"No...! I'm a rabbit in Arizona!"
Normal Wife
A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor's office.
After his checkup, the doctor called the wife into his office alone.
He said, "Your husband is suffering from a very severe stress disorder. If you don't do the following, your husband will surely die."
"Each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast. Be pleasant at all times. For lunch make him a nutritious meal. For dinner prepare an especially nice meal for him. Don't burden him with chores. Don't discuss your problems with him, it will only make his stress worse. No nagging. And most importantly, make love with your husband several times a week. If you can do this for the next 10 months to a year, I think your husband will regain his health completely."
On the way home, the husband asked his wife. "What did the doctor say?"
"He said you're going to die," she replied.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
s**... After Death
A couple made a deal that whoever died first would come back and inform the other if there is s**... after death. Their biggest fear was that there was no after life at all.
After a long life together, the husband was the first to die. True to his word, he made the first contact:
"Marion .... Marion"
"Is that you, Bob?"
"Yes, I've come back like we agreed."
"That's wonderful! What's it like?"
"Well, I get up in the morning, I have s**.... I have breakfast and then it's off to the golf course. I have s**... again, bathe in the warm sun and then have s**... a couple of more times.. Then I have lunch (you'd be proud - lots of greens). Another romp around the golf course, then pretty much have s**... the rest of the afternoon. After supper, it's back to the golf course again. Then it's more s**... until late at night. I catch some much needed sleep, and then, the next day it starts all over again!
"Oh, Bob! Are you in Heaven?"
"No -- I'm a rabbit somewhere in South Carolina.
Great joke from a marriage counselor to my fiancé and Iast night.
In Northern Ireland there's a new Catholic priest in town at the ripe age of 25. He gives his first sermon ever, and the whole town is blown away and approaches him with lots of praise after he's finished mass. Feeling inspired, so much so that he tells the town that he will come and visit all of them for breakfast, lunch or dinner at some point in the next year. With 400 or so families in the town, this is quite the undertaking. He decides to start all the at the outskirts of his Parrish and work his way inward. As he's walking the 7 miles to the O'leary farm, he notices how perfect the soil is, and how bountiful the upcoming harvest will be for the O'leary family. He thinks to himself how blessed by God they are. He comes to the door and tells Seamus O'leary how blessed he has been by God for this farm, and with the help of God he hopes he wakes up everyday thankful for what he has.
To which Seamus replies "Aye, I awake everyday thankful for what I have Fadder, but you should seen the place when just God owned it!"
Tl;dr
My marriage counselor is an agnostic.
EDIT
Title should be and I. I no word good.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
45th birthday
Two weeks ago was my and I wasn't feeling too good that morning. I went to breakfast knowing my wife would be pleasant and say, "Happy Birthday!" and probably would have a present for me.
As it turned out, she didn't even say good morning, let alone any happy birthday. I thought, well, that's wives for you, the children will remember.
The children came in to breakfast and didn't say a word. So when I left for the office, I was feeling pretty low and despondent.
As I walked into my office, my secretary Janet said, "Good morning, Boss. Happy Birthday." And I felt a little better that someone had remembered.
I worked until noon, then Janet knocked on my door and said, "You know, it's such a beautiful day outside, and it's your birthday, let's go to lunch, just you and me."
I said, "By George, that's the greatest thing I've heard all day."Let's go!" We went to lunch.
We didn't go where we normally go; instead we went out to a private little place. We had two martinis and enjoyed lunch tremendously.
On the way back to the office, she said, "You know, it's such a beautiful day. We don't need to go back to the office, do we?"
I said, "No, I guess not." She said, "Let's go to my apartment."
After arriving at her apartment she said, "Boss, if you don't mind, I think I'll go into the bedroom and slip into something more comfortable".
She went into the bedroom and, in about six minutes, she came out carrying a huge birthday cake -- followed by my wife, children, and dozens of our friends, all singing Happy Birthday.
And I just sat there --on the couch -- n**....
A man goes to the doctors office with his wife...
... after the examination, the doctor leaves the patient in the room and comes out to speak with his wife. The doctor says "If you don't want your husband to die, you must take a good care of him. You need to prepare his breakfast, lunch and dinner. Smile and be positive around him. If he says he is tired, you must make sure he rests properly, massage him for example. Long story short, never make him unhappy."
The guy comes out of the office as the doctor is leaving. With the curiosity boiling in him, he asks the wife "What did the doctor say?" The wife responds "That you are gonna die."
Fred and Mary got married
Fred and Mary got married, but can't afford a honeymoon, so they go back to Fred's parent'shome for their first night together.
In the morning, Johnny, Fred's little brother, gets up and has his breakfast. As he is going out of the door to go to school, he asks his Mom if Fred and Mary are up yet.
She replies, 'No'.
Johnny asks, 'Do you know what I think?' His mom replies, 'I don't want to hear what you think! Just go to school.'
Johnny comes home for lunch and asks his mom, 'Are Fred and Mary up yet?'
She replies, 'No.'
Johnny says, 'Do you know what I think?'
His mom replies, 'Never mind what you think! Eat your lunch and go back to school.'
After school, Johnny comes home and asks again, 'Are Fred and Mary up yet?'
His mom says, 'No.'
He asks, 'Do you know what I think?'
His Mom replies, 'Ok, tell me what you think?'
He says, 'Last night Fred came to my room for the Vaseline and I think I gave him my airplane glue.'
__________________
I eat blondes for breakfast, redheads for lunch...
and actual food for dinner cause I skipped two meals already.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An old man and an old woman...
An old man and an old woman are living alone. They make a pact that the one that dies first will come back and tell the other one about the afterlife.
Wouldn't you know it, one day the old man dies.
One night the old woman is laying in bed and she sees the old man floating above her. "So?" she says, "what's it like?"
"It's great!" says the old man. "I get up in the morning and have s**.... Then I eat breakfast. Then I have more s**... until lunch. After lunch I have more s**...; that gets me to dinner. After dinner I have s**... until I pass out. I wake up the next morning and do it all again."
The old woman can't believe it. "Heaven is nothing but eating and s**... all day?"
"Heaven?" says the old man. "I'm a rabbit in Kansas."
A lonely old man decides to get a pet caterpillar...
He takes the pet caterpillar home and sets up a cage for him.
The next morning, the man goes up to the cage and asks the caterpillar, "Hey, would you like to go out to breakfast with me?"
The caterpillar does not respond.
Lunch comes around and the man again goes to the cage and asks, "Would you like to go to lunch with me?"
The caterpillar still does not respond and the man walks away sad.
Dinner comes around and again, the man goes to the cage and asks, "Hey would you please like to go to dinner with me?"
To which the caterpillar responds, "I heard you the first time! I'm putting on my shoes!"
Happiest old man or what
An old man of ninety was sitting on a park bench crying. A policeman
noticed this and asked him why he was crying.
"Well," says the old fellow, "I just got married to a twenty-five year old
redhead. Every morning she makes me a wonderful breakfast and then we make
love. In the afternoon she makes me a wonderful lunch and then we make love.
At dinner time she makes me a wonderful supper and then we make love."
The policeman looks at the old man and says, "You shouldn't be crying!
You should be the happiest man in the world!"
So the old man says, "I know! I'm crying because I don't remember where I live!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
s**... After Death
A couple made a deal that whomever died first would come back and inform the other of the afterlife.
Their biggest fear was that there was no after life.
After a long life together, the husband was the first to die. True to his word, he made the first contact, 'Judy ..Judy.':
'Is that you, Steve?'
'Yes, I've come back like we agreed.'
That's wonderful! What's it like?'
'Well, I get up in the morning, I have s**... I have breakfast and then it's off to the golf course. I have s**... again, bathe in the warm sun and then have s**... a couple of more times. Then I have lunch (you'd be proud - lots of greens) another romp around the golf course, then pretty much have s**... the rest of the afternoon. After supper, it's back to golf course again. Then it's more s**... until late at night. I catch some much needed sleep and then the next day it starts all over again.'
'Oh, Steve you surely must be in Heaven!'
'Not exactly . I'm a rabbit on a golf course in Arizona.'
Guy wakes up to breakfast in bed...
his lunch is made, and he notices he's late for work. Frantically, he calls work, and they let him know that his wife already called to let them know he would be late.
He asks his son what happened that his mom was so happy. The son says "Dad, you came home drunk last night, and mom brought you to bed, and when she tried to take your shirt off, you said 'Get off me lady, I'm married!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Circle of life
Sid and Irv are business partners. They make a deal that whichever one dies first will contact the living one from the afterlife. So Irv dies. Sid doesn't hear from him for about a year, figures there is no afterlife. Then one day he gets a call. It's Irv. 'So there is an afterlife! What's it like?' Sid asks. 'Well, I sleep very late. I get up, have a big breakfast. Then I have s**..., lots of s**.... Then I go back to sleep, but I get up for lunch, have a big lunch. Have some more s**..., take a nap. Huge dinner. More s**.... Go to sleep and wake up the next day.' 'Oh, my God,' says Sid. 'So that's what heaven is like?' 'Oh no,' says Irv. 'I'm not in heaven. I'm a bear in Yellowstone Park.'
My Chinese neighbors just adopted three new dogs.
Their names are Breakfast, Lunch, and Dinner.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Sid and Irv & the afterlife
Sid and Irv are business partners. They make a deal that whichever one dies first will contact the living one from the afterlife. So Irv dies. Sid doesn't hear from him for about a year, figures there is no afterlife. Then one day he gets a call. It's Irv. 'So there is an afterlife! What's it like?' Sid asks. 'Well, I sleep very late. I get up, have a big breakfast. Then I have s**..., lots of s**.... Then I go back to sleep, but I get up for lunch, have a big lunch. Have some more s**..., take a nap. Huge dinner. More s**.... Go to sleep and wake up the next day.' 'Oh, my God,' says Sid. 'So that's what heaven is like?' 'Oh no,' says Irv. 'I'm not in heaven. I'm a bear in Yellowstone Park.'
A scientist is driving around the countryside looking for elderly test subjects to measure how people live longer.
She comes across a dilapidated cabin with a very old and worn-out man sitting in the rocking chair on his front porch.
The scientist approaches the man and says pardon me, sir, but what's your secret to long life?
The man says I smoke two packs of cigarettes a day, drink chocolate milk for breakfast and eat burgers for lunch and dinner, and I wash it all down with a swig of hard liquor .
Wow! exclaims the scientist. Exactly how old are you?
26.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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p**... needed a job
Shawn said why not try a lumber jack?
So off he went to the forman.
p**... he says if you can do 100 trees a day , you're hired.
Off p**... went, only 10 trees the 1st day.
Forman says, now p**..., i have guys who can do 100 without breaking a sweat.
p**... forgoes breakfast and lunch but only manages 20 trees on day 2.
Forman says, ow p**..., i have a guy who can do 150 before lunch!
p**... starts at 4am ,no food and finishes at 7pm exhausted.
Forman says now p**... , 30 trees?
p**... says, i don't know what i'm doing wrong?
Forman says, well lets see and he picks up the chainsaw and starts it up.
p**... goes : Whats that?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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I couldn't come up with names so...
Person 1: Did you know that there's a secret menu at that burger place?
Person 2: No, tell me about it.
Person 1: The most secret is a burger. This burger is so h**... that it qualifies as breakfast, lunch and dinner for 7 people, for 7 years. And if you finish it in under an hour, they'll pay.
Person 2: For the burger?
Person 1: No your hospital fees.
George loved to eat watches
Every day for breakfast, lunch, and dinner George would eat his favorite brand of watch.
Feeling fancy? A Rolex does the job better than any restaurant.
Special occasion? A grandfather clock would fit any event perfectly.
Going on a diet? Apple watches are the way to go!
His family didn't see it though, they thought he was crazy for his bizarre choice of food. They decided to stage in intervention in order to help him quit.
We're worried about you, George his wife said, you need to stop. This isn't good!
Well, I don't see what that problem is, George defended, tell me what's wrong with them!
Well, George, his sister interceded
They're just too time consuming
Anybody interested in a free ride in a helicopter for 4 people? I'm still looking for 2 more adults to join me and my wife.
We leave early Saturday morning (Feb 6th) from New York and will fly to Boston , where we will have breakfast, then have lunch on a friend's yacht.
Then we'll do a flight along the coast, up to Cape Elizabeth returning to Boston for dinner, then fly back home. If interested, please message me.
Preferably someone with a helicopter and yacht, otherwise we can't go.