Breakfast Jokes

Following is our collection of lunch humor and omelet one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. They include Breakfast puns for adults, dirty dinner jokes or clean meal gags for kids.

There is an abundance of snack jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 82 funniest jokes on breakfast. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any omelette witze you can hear about breakfast.

The Best jokes about Breakfast

I'm assuming that none of the Jenners ask Kylie to make breakfast.

Since she can't even beat an egg

Every morning at breakfast for the past 6 months, I announce loudly to my family that I'm going for a jog, and then I don't.

It's my longest running joke of the year.

At breakfast, a man asked his wife What would you do I if won the lottery? She replied, I'd take half, and then leave you.

Great, he said I won $12 yesterday. Here's $6. Stay in touch.

Most women would love to wake up on their birthday to the smell of fresh coffee, a nice breakfast, flowers and oral

But not my Sister.

What does a Thesaurus eat for breakfast?

A synonym roll.


A piece of toast and a hard boiled egg walked into a bar.....

The bartender says " Sorry, we don't serve breakfast here".

My 3 year old daughter asked

My 3 year old daughter asked: Where does poo come from?

I decided it was best to explain it at a level she would understand so I said: You just had breakfast?

Yes , she replied.

Well, the food goes in your mouth down into your tummy. Our body takes all the good stuff it needs out of the food and then what's left goes down to your bottom and when you go to the toilet that comes out as poo.

She looked confused and stared at me in stunned silence for a few seconds. Then asked: And Tigger?

What do snowmen eat for breakfast?

Snowflakes.

Cr

If I bring you breakfast in bed, just say, "Thanks."

Not "Who are you?" and "How did you get in my apartment?"

Mother's Day

Two children ordered their mother to stay in bed one Mother's Day morning. As she lay there looking forward to breakfast in bed, the smell of bacon floated up from the kitchen.

But after a good long wait she finally went downstairs to investigate. She found them both sitting at the table eating bacon and eggs.

"As a surprise for Mother's Day," one explained, "we decided to cook our own breakfast."

A man stumbles into his house early in the morning...

after a night of partying and heavy drinking, just as the sun is coming up. His wife is waiting for him at the kitchen table, glaring at him.

"Is there a reason you're coming home at 6 in the morning with alcohol on your breath, lipstick on your collar?" She shouts at him.

"Yes there is," he replies.
"I would like some breakfast"


The first time I introduced a girlfriend to my grandpa.

"What's your name again?"

"Claudia."

"Oh *Claudia*. I'm sorry my dear, I won't forget it again. Claudia may I ask you something?"

"Sure."

"Do you know the difference between sex and breakfast?"

"...Um, no.?"

"Would you like to have breakfast sometime?"

What do people with huge penises eat for breakfast?

Well, I had toast.

Two men on a train both have black eyes.

Man 1: "how did you get that black eye?"

Man 2: "I was buying my ticket from this beautiful busty girl and instead of saying 'a ticket to Pittsburgh' I accidentally said I wanted 'a picket to Tittsburgh' so she hit me. How about you?"

Man 1: "Yeah, something similar happened to me. I was sitting around having breakfast with my wife and I meant to say 'pass the wheaties' and I accidentally said 'you ruined my life you stupid bitch'."

Two families make a bet on who can be more american

Two families move from Pakistan to America. When they arrive the two fathers make a bet to see, in a years time, which family has become more Americanized.

A Year later they meet again. The first man says,"My son is playing baseball. I had breakfast at McDonalds and im on my way to pick up a case of Bud Light.

How about you?"

The second man replies, "Go back to your sand country, towel head"

An older couple is having breakfast when the old woman says to her husband

"Just think, honey, we've been married for 60 years.?"


"Yes," he replies. "Sixty years ago we were sitting here at this breakfast table together. And we were probably naked as jaybirds."


"Well," the old woman snickers, "should we get naked again for old time's sake?"


So they strip off their clothing and sit back down at the table. "You know," the old woman says breathlessly, "my nipples are as hot for you today as they were 60 years ago."


"I'm not surprised," replies the old man. "One's in your coffee and the other's in your oatmeal!"

I am a man who loves to give women breakfast in bed. All I want to receive in return is a simple "Thank you!"...

...not "Who are you?", "How did you get in here?", and "I'll call the police!"

If I go through the trouble of making you breakfast in bed, all I ask for is a simple thank you.

Not all this "how did you get in my house" nonsense.

Why do the French only have one egg for breakfast?

Because one egg is un oeuf.


2 older couple were having breakfast

Old man 1: We went to the best restaurant last night
Old man 2: What's it's name?
Old man 1: Oh, I have such a terrible memory. What's that red flower?
Old man 2: Carnation?
Old man 1: No, the one with the thorns.
Old man 2: Rose?
Old man 1: That's it. (turns to his wife) Hey Rose, what's the name of that restaurant we went to last night?

I used to have a girlfriend who, whenever she had a bad headache, would go into the cupboard, find my oats I'd normally eat for breakfast and then throw them in the garbage.

Apparently she couldn't cope with my grains.

Easily lose weight by cutting these two things out of your diet:

Breakfast and dinner.

My dad told me this joke please laugh.

Bacon and eggs walk into a bar and order a beer

The bartender says "Sorry, we don't serve breakfast"

What are two things dinosaurs can't have for dinner?

Breakfast and lunch.


I'll show myself out now

Dad at breakfast:

Dad at breakfast: I'll have bacon and eggs, please

Waiter: How do you like your eggs?

Dad: I don't know, I haven't gotten them yet!

If I make you breakfast in bed, a simple "Thank you" would be nice...

...None of that "How did you get into my house?" business.

Muslims are a lot like breakfast eggs.

If they aren't Sunni side up, they're probably Shiite.

Guy wakes up to breakfast in bed...

his lunch is made, and he notices he's late for work. Frantically, he calls work, and they let him know that his wife already called to let them know he would be late.

He asks his son what happened that his mom was so happy. The son says "Dad, you came home drunk last night, and mom brought you to bed, and when she tried to take your shirt off, you said 'Get off me lady, I'm married!"

I woke up to find my wife lying unconscious on the kitchen floor..

At first I panicked, then remembered that McDonalds does all day breakfast.

Husband's night out

An angry housewife met her husband at the front door and immediately noticed he smelled of alcohol and perfume.

"I assume," she said with her most acidic sarcasm, "That there must be a very good reason for your coming home at six o'clock in the morning with booze on your breath and another woman's perfume all over you."

"There is," he said. "I'd like breakfast."

My wife told me

That women are better in multitasking than men.

I told her to shut up and make me a breakfast.

Obviously she didn't manage.

Two atheists were lost in a desert.

Two atheists were lost in a desert. They had run out of supplies and were wandering aimlessly.

One morning, they encountered a Muslim. The Muslim asked, "What are your names?"

The first, figuring the Muslim would be more likely to help a fellow Muslim, lied and said, "My name is Mohammed."

The second stayed honest and said, "My name is Dave."

The Muslim gave Dave a hearty breakfast. He turned to "Mohammed" and said, "Fasting is so hard, isn't it?"

What does a man with a big d*ck eat for breakfast?

Yeah, I didn't think you'd know...

What's a North Korean farmer's favorite time of year?

Breakfast.

Tea?


An American, an Englishman and an Irishman were having breakfast together with their wives.

The American suddenly smiled and turned to his wife saying: "Would you please pass me the honey, Honey."

The Englishman, not to be outdone, turned to his wife and said: "Please pass me the sugar, Sugar."

The Irishman paused a while, then turned to his wife and said: "Pass me the tea, Bag."

What do guys with big dicks eat for breakfast?

Didn't think you'd know.

What does the most interesting man in the world eat for breakfast?

Dos Eggies

I went to a hotel that had continental breakfast

Unfortunately the continent was Africa so all I got was an empty plate

What does a cannibal call a gymnast?

A well balanced breakfast.

There was a boy playing in the farm field when his mom called him in for breakfast.

On his way in he kicked a cow, pig, and a chicken. So when he gets to the table he sees a dry bowl of cereal. "What's the deal?" he asks. His mom says " You kicked the cow so no milk for you, you kicked the pig so no bacon for you, and you kicked the chicken so no eggs for you." Then his father walks into the kitchen and accidentally kicked the cat. The the boy says "Do you want me to tell him or should you?"

Two eggs and a piece of bacon walk into a bar

The bartender asks them to leave. They all ask why. Bartender says, "We don't serve breakfast here."

I wonder if mormons support the transgendered?

If they did, they could go on a transmission!

-- authentic dadjoke overheard at breakfast

Do you know why Parisians only have a single egg for breakfast?

Because in France one egg is un Ε“uf.

Two eggs and a strip of bacon walk into a bar

The bartender looks at them and says, "Sorry - we don't serve breakfast here."

What does Hitler drink with his breakfast?

Milk because he doesn't like juice

A boy who lived in a farm woke up and wanted breakfast (NSFW)

His mother said he had to do his chores first.

So went out and feed the pigs but kicked them as he left.

Then he collected the eggs from the chickens but gave them a kick as he left.

After that he milked the cows but made sure to kick them as well.

When he came back in his mother gave him a dry bowl of ceral.

The boy asked "where's the milk for my ceral and my bacon and eggs?"

His mother replied "you kicked the cows so no milk, you kicked the chickens so no eggs and you kicked the pigs so no bacon".

The boy's father then came down and kicked the cat.

The boys said to his mother "do you want to tell him or shall I?"

We were so poor growing up

that for breakfast we had Ordinary K.

The wife

She was standing in the kitchen, preparing our usual soft-boiled eggs and toast for breakfast, wearing only The 'T' shirt that she normally slept in.Β 


As I walked in, almost awake, she turned to me and said softly, "You've got to make love to me this very moment! Β 


My eyes lit up and I thought, "I am either still dreaming or this is going to be my lucky day! Β 


Not wanting to lose the moment, I embraced her and then gave it my all; right there on the kitchen table.Β 


Afterwards she said, "Thanks," and returned to the stove, her T-shirt still around her neck.Β 


Happy, but a little puzzled, I asked, "What was that all about?"Β 


She explained, "The egg timer's broken."

Monday morning in the office, a man notices that his colleague is very sad.

At breakfast, he approaches him:What's wrong? You look really beat today.

Don't ask, I had the worst weekend you could imagine.

What happened?

I was visiting an old friend that I haven't seen in years and the family caught me sniffing his sister's underwear.

Okay, that's not nice, but no need to get all misty.

Well, she was still wearing them.

Oh, that's even worse.

Yeah, it ruined her whole funeral.

Sorry, no native english speaker, but i guess you get the point.

Egg timer

She was standing in the kitchen, preparing our usual soft-boiled eggs and toast for breakfast, wearing only The 'T' shirt that she normally slept in.Β 


As I walked in, almost awake, she turned to me and said softly, "You've got to make love to me this very moment! Β 


My eyes lit up and I thought, "I am either still dreaming or this is going to be my lucky day! Β 


Not wanting to lose the moment, I embraced her and then gave it my all; right there on the kitchen table.Β 


Afterwards she said, "Thanks," and returned to the stove, her T-shirt still around her neck.Β 


Happy, but a little puzzled, I asked, "What was that all about?"Β 


She explained, "The egg timer's broken."

What does Salvador Dahli eat for breakfast?

Surreal.

A boy and his father are playing catch

A boy and his father were playing catch in the front yard when the
boy saw a honey bee. He ran over and stomped it.


"That was a honey bee," his father said,"one of our friends, and for
stomping him you will do without honey for a week."


Later the boy saw a butterfly so he ran over and stomped it.
"That was a butterfly," his father said, "one of our friends, and for
stomping him you will do without butter for a week."


The next morning the family had sat down for breakfast. The boy ate his plain toast (no honey or butter.)


Suddenly a cockroach ran from under the stove. His mother stomped it.


The boy looked at his father and said, "Are you going to tell her or
should I"?

Snow wife.

One winter morning while listening to the radio, Bob and his wife hear the announcer say, "We are going to have 4-6 inches of snow today.
You must park your car on the even numbered side of the street, so the snowplow can get through."

Bob's wife goes out and moves her car.

A week later while they are eating breakfast, the radio announcer says, "We are expecting 6-8 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the odd numbered side of the street, so the snowplow can get through."

Bob's wife goes out and moves her car again.

The next week they are having breakfast again, when the radio announcer says, "We are expecting 8-10 inches of snow today. You must park..." then the electric power goes out.

Bob's wife is very upset, and with a worried look on her face she says, "Honey, I don't know what to do. Which side of the street do I need to park on so the plow can get through?"



With the love and understanding in his voice like all men who are married to blondes exhibit, Bob says, "Why don't you just leave it in the garage this time?"

Jack wakes up with a horrible hangover and a throbbing black eye.

The first thing he sees is a single rose on the side table and a note from his wife: Dear, breakfast is made. I've gone shopping to make you your favorite dinner tonight. I love you!

He stumbles to the kitchen and, sure enough, there's breakfast. Joe, he says to his son, what happened last night?

You came home soused and got that black eye tripping over a chair.

So, why the rose, breakfast, and sweet note from your mother?

Oh, that. Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take off your clothes, you screamed, 'Leave me alone, I'm married!'

A doctor and his wife were having a huge argument at breakfast...

"Yeah?, well you aren't so good in bed either!" The doctor shouted and stormed off to work. By midmorning, he decided he'd better make amends and call home. After many rings, his wife picked up the phone.
"What took you so long to answer?" He said
"I was in bed." came the reply.
"What were you doing in bed this late?"
"Getting a second opinion."

Priest and a Hindu are making breakfast..

The priest is spreading on margarine and exclaims, "Look! It's Jesus in the spread!"
Shocked, the Hindu replies, "Wow, I can't believe it's not Buddha."

A boy goes to the circus

and one of the sideshows is a tent that says "Man Who Remembers Everything." Intrigued, the boy goes inside and sees an old Native American man sitting on the ground. He approaches the man and asks, "If you remember everything, what did you have for breakfast exactly three weeks ago?"

Without hesitation, the man responds, "Eggs." The boy is sufficiently impressed and leaves to enjoy the rest of the circus.

Many years later, the boy has grown up, gotten married, and had children. One day he takes his family to the circus and is shocked to see the Man Who Remembers Everything is still there. He brings his family into the tent, and there is the same old man sitting on the ground.

Excited to see the old man again, he walks up and greets him, "How!"

The old man looks into his eyes and replies, "Scrambled."

When I bring you breakfast in bed, why can't you just say "thank you"?

...instead of all this "how did you get in to my house?" calling 9-11 business.

It's 2004 and George W Bush is on the campaign trail...

He stops at a small-town midwest diner for breakfast. After taking a seat he is greeted by a pretty young waitress.

"Mr president, what an honor it is to be serving you. So what will you be having this morning?"

Dubya looks up from his menu, smiles, and says "How about a quickie?"

The waitress is appalled. "Mr president! I voted for you because I thought you stood for morals! And family values! I guess you're no better than Clinton."

After she storms off, one of the president's advisors leans over and says "Hey, uh, George, it's pronounced *keesh*."

Brexit fallout: my French Toast has just surrendered to my English Muffins. Germany is sending in the Luftwaffle... these events could engulf the entire continental breakfast.

and my Irish coffee is drunk. Again.

The Indian with a great memory

When I was a kid, everyone all over the country would come to visit the Indian reservation to meet one person. He was the only man in the world to have a perfect memory, but people were only allowed to ask one question. My family decided to go visit him for ourselves, and when we got there I had the perfect question.
"Excuse me sir, what did you have for breakfast when you were 15 years old?"
He replied, "Eggs." and that was that. I was disappointed by his answer, but there was nothing I could do.
Ten years later I recognized the man sitting by himself in a park. I walked up to him, held my hand up with the palm up, and said "How". He said "Scrambled."

What's the difference between cake and pie?

Ο€r^2, cake are round

Bonus:

What do jokesters eat for breakfast?

Pun-cakes.

A bowl of cornflakes walks into a bar

The barman says "get out, we don't serve breakfast here"

Why do French people only eat one egg at breakfast?

Because one egg is an Ε“uf.

Clean as cold water can get it.

A man decides to spend a week on his uncle's farm, well away from the city life. The first night his uncle cooks him a lovely meal and afterwards his uncle takes the dishes away to be cleaned. The next day at breakfast the man notices there still seem to be bits of dinner on the plate. He asks his uncle about it and his uncle replies "It's as clean as cold water can get it." The man accepts that but offers to do the cleaning himself, but his uncle refuses. At dinner the man again notices bits of the last meal still on the dishes. He asks his uncle again, and the reply is still "It's as clean as cold water can get it."

This continues for the week until it's time for the man to leave, but his uncle's dog is blocking the gate and refuses to move. The man asks his uncle to get the dog out of the way and his uncle yells: "Oi! Coldwater! Get out of the way!"

I can never talk to my Dad at breakfast because he still reads newspapers.

I guess you could say he's behind The Times.

Have you done your chores yet?

A young farm boy comes down to breakfast one morning. His mother asks, "Have you done your chores yet?" "No," replies the boy, "but could I have breakfast first?"
"You know the rules, go outside and clean the chicken coop, milk the cow and feed the pigs."
The boy goes down to the chicken coop and lazily cleans it. When he is finished, he kicks a chicken. Next, we walks to the barn and milks the cow. When he's done, he kicks her too. Then the boy gets the feed and slops the pigs. And again, when he's done, he kicks a pig.

Finally, the boy runs back to his house, very hungry. His mother gives him a plate with nothing on it but an apple. Disappointed, the boy says, "Where's my eggs, my milk and my sausage?"
"Well," says his mother, "I saw you kick a chicken, so you don't get eggs. I saw you kick the cow, so you don't get milk. I saw you kick the pig, so you don't get any sausage."
Just then, the boy's father walks in and kicks the cat. The boy says to his mother, "Should I tell him now, or do you want to?"

A boy that lives on a farm is awakened by his mother early in the morning on the weekend.

She tells him he won't get breakfast until he does his chores. One of his chores involves feeding all the animals.

While he was feeding the animals he takes out his aggression on some of them.

He kicks a chicken, flogs a cow, and a pinches a pig.

When he finished his chores his mother just gives him a bowl of dry cereal.

When he asks why, his mother tells him that he didn't get any milk because he flogged the cow.
He didn't get any eggs because he kicked the chicken and he didn't get bacon because he harassed the pig.

Right then his father comes in trips over the cat and gives it an unmerciful kick up the hole out the door.

The boy looks at his mother and says, "Would you like to tell him or should I?"

A man and his family walk into a bar...

Inside of the bar, the man's youngest child sees a Native American sitting under a sign stating "World's longest memory". The child walks up to sign and decides to test if this sign is true. The child asks "What did you have for breakfast 30 years ago?" The Native American states "eggs." The child states that the native could have just made that up, and then later leaves the bar.

Years later, when the child returns back with his own family he sees the same native at the bar. Walking up to the man, he states a stereotypical "how!" The Native replies "scrambled."

A wife was making breakfast of fried eggs for her husband

Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen. "Careful," he said, "CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my GOD! You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them. TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my GOD! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They're going to STICK! Careful. CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when you're cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST your mind? Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them. Use the salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!" The wife stared at him. "What in the world is wrong with you? You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?" The husband calmly replied, "I just wanted to show you what it feels like when I'm driving."

Pre-internet Joke? A man travels through the west on vacation when he comes upon a sign that says...

"Meet the Indian Who Never Forgets, Next Exit". Well, being curious, the man stops at the attraction to see the Indian. He asks the man, "What did you have for breakfast on June 9, 1968?" The Indian replies "Eggs!"

Well, everyone has eggs for breakfast, this guy is a charlatan, the man thinks.

10 years later, the same man is on vacation again, and sees the sign for the Indian again. He thinks what the heck, I'll stop in and see him.

When he approaches, the man holds up his hand to the Indian and says, "How!"

The Indian replies, "Scrambled."

Sex After Death

A couple made a deal that whoever died first would come back and inform the other if there is sex after death. Their biggest fear was that there was no after life at all.

After a long life together, the husband was the first to die. True to his word, he made the first contact:

"Marion .... Marion"

"Is that you, Bob?"

"Yes, I've come back like we agreed."

"That's wonderful! What's it like?"

"Well, I get up in the morning, I have sex. I have breakfast and then it's off to the golf course. I have sex again, bathe in the warm sun and then have sex a couple of more times.. Then I have lunch (you'd be proud - lots of greens). Another romp around the golf course, then pretty much have sex the rest of the afternoon. After supper, it's back to the golf course again. Then it's more sex until late at night. I catch some much needed sleep, and then, the next day it starts all over again!

"Oh, Bob! Are you in Heaven?"


"No -- I'm a rabbit somewhere in South Carolina.

Morning Sex

She was standing in the kitchen, preparing our usual soft-boiled eggs and toast for breakfast, wearing only The 'T' shirt that she normally slept in.

As I walked in, almost awake, she turned to me and said softly, "You've got to make love to me this very moment!"

My eyes lit up and I thought, "I am either still dreaming or this is going to be my lucky day!" Not wanting to lose the moment, I embraced her and then gave it my all; right there on the kitchen table.

Afterwards she said, "Thanks," and returned to the stove, her T-shirt still around her neck.

Happy, but a little puzzled, I asked, "What was that all about?"
She explained, "The egg timer's broken."

Reincarnation.

A couple made a deal that whoever died first would come back and inform the other if there is sex after death.
Their biggest fear was that there was no after life at all.
After a long life together, the husband was the first to die.
True to his word, he made the first contact:
"Marion... Marion"
"Is that you, Bob?"
"Yes, I've come back like we agreed."
"That's wonderful! What's it like?"

"Well, I get up in the morning, I have sex, breakfast and then it's off to the golf course then I have sex again, bathe in the warm sun, then have sex a couple of more times."
"Then I have lunch (You'd be proud - lots of greens) another romp around the golf course, then pretty much have sex the rest of the afternoon."
"After supper it's back to the golf course again, then it's more sex until late at night, where I catch some much needed sleep, and then the next day it starts all over again."

"Oh, Bob are you in Heaven?"
"No...! I'm a rabbit in Arizona!"

Morning Sex

She was standing in the kitchen, preparing our usual
soft-boiled eggs and toast for breakfast, wearing only The 'T' shirt that she normally slept in.

As I walked in, almost awake, she turned to me and said softly, "You've got to make love to me this very moment!"

My eyes lit up and I thought, "I am either still dreaming or this is going to be my lucky day!" Not wanting to lose the moment, I embraced her and then gave it my all; right there on the kitchen table.

Afterwards she said, "Thanks," and returned to the stove,
her T-shirt still around her neck.

Happy, but a little puzzled, I asked, "What was that all about?"


She explained, "The egg timer's broken."

Two friends are sitting eating breakfast at a table...

...and one friend asks the other "If I slept with your mother would that make us enemies?"

The one that is asked reads his paper and simply replies "No."

Confused the friend that originally asked the question follows up by asking "If we won't be enemies, then would that make us friends?"

Again he continues to read his paper and simply replies, "No."

Flustered, he blurts out "Well what would that make us then?!"

Without even looking up from his paper he replies, "Even."

Three couples are eating breakfast in the hotel restaurant

They're early birds, and the only ones there. It's an American, an English and a Norwegian couple. The American says to his wife

"Can you send me the sugar, sugar?"

The Englishman overhears him, and, thinking he can't be any worse than an American, asks his wife

"Will you pass me the honey, honey?"

The Norwegian guy hears both of them and thinks for himself that he really has something to learn from these guys. So he turns to his wife and says

"Get me the milk, you cow!"

British Airways. Breakfast in London. Dinner in New York.

Luggage in Tokyo.

Who eats Five Guys for breakfast, lunch, and dinner?

Jeffrey Dahmer

There was a guy on a road trip who stopped at a rest stop at an Indian reservation

While paying for his items he asked that clerk about a strange man standing out front. The cashier said that's Running Wolf, he remembers everything. On his way out the man deciding to try out the Indians memory asks him what he had for breakfast. The Indian replies "Eggs". The man is slightly impressed but decides he has no better questions and leaves. Years latter the man unknowingly stops at the same rest stop and when he sees an old Indian man he greets him by saying "How". The Indian replies "Scrambled".

2 Midgets go to a brothel...

2 midgets, John and Terry, go to a brothel and each get a girl for the night.

John has a terrible night. No matter what the girl does for him, he just cant get it up.

He sits on the bed all night, crying, all while hearing Terry through the wall yelling over and over, "1, 2, 3, HERE I COME AGAIN!! AAAAAHHHH!" finished off by a loud thud.

In the morning, John and Terry meet up and go get some breakfast.

Terry sees that something is really bothering John, so he asks John about it.

John says "It was awful. I couldnt get it up no matter what she did."

Terry says, "You think that's bad? I couldn't even get up on the bed!"

A lonely old man decides to get a pet caterpillar...

He takes the pet caterpillar home and sets up a cage for him.
The next morning, the man goes up to the cage and asks the caterpillar, "Hey, would you like to go out to breakfast with me?"
The caterpillar does not respond.
Lunch comes around and the man again goes to the cage and asks, "Would you like to go to lunch with me?"
The caterpillar still does not respond and the man walks away sad.
Dinner comes around and again, the man goes to the cage and asks, "Hey would you please like to go to dinner with me?"
To which the caterpillar responds, "I heard you the first time! I'm putting on my shoes!"

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

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