Breakfast Jokes
153 breakfast jokes and hilarious breakfast puns to laugh out loud. Read food jokes about breakfast that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Looking for a laugh to start your day? Check out our collection of breakfast jokes. From puns about eggs and bacon to funny takes on oatmeal and cereal, we've got all the morning jokes you need to make your day.
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Funniest Breakfast Short Jokes
Short breakfast jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The breakfast humour may include short lunch jokes also.
- I'm assuming that none of the Jenners ask Kylie to make breakfast. Since she can't even beat an egg
- Every morning at breakfast for the past 6 months, I announce loudly to my family that I'm going for a jog, and then I don't. It's my longest running joke of the year.
- At breakfast, a man asked his wife What would you do I if won the lottery? She replied, I'd take half, and then leave you. Great, he said I won $12 yesterday. Here's $6. Stay in touch.
- Wife: "Who's the new Batman?" | Me: "Robert Pattinson" Wife: "So vampire do turn into bats."
(I have no idea if she heard this elsewhere, but I def laughed at breakfast.) - A piece of toast and a hard boiled egg walked into a bar..... The bartender says " Sorry, we don't serve breakfast here".
- If I bring you breakfast in bed, just say, "Thanks." Not "Who are you?" and "How did you get in my apartment?"
- At breakfast, the wife asks her husband What would you do if I won the Lotto? He says, I'd take my half and leave you.
She says, "Great. Here's $6, I won $12 yesterday! Stay in touch. - Gave my daughter an apple for breakfast this morning 🍎 She said she only likes pears!
So I gave her another apple. 🍎🍎 - In France, do you know why they only eat one egg at breakfast time? Because one egg is enough
- I am not sure how I feel about having toast for breakfast. On the upside, it's buttered.
On the downside, it isn't.
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Breakfast One Liners
Which breakfast one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with breakfast? I can suggest the ones about brunch and dinner.
- What does a Thesaurus eat for breakfast? A synonym roll.
- What do snowmen eat for breakfast? Snowflakes.
Cr - Why do French people eat small breakfasts One egg is an oeuf
- Why do the French only have one egg for breakfast? Because one egg is un oeuf.
- Why do the French never have more than one egg for breakfast? Because one egg is un oeuf
- What's a North Korean farmer's favorite time of year? Breakfast.
- What does the most interesting man in the world eat for breakfast? Dos Eggies
- What does a cannibal call a gymnast? A well balanced breakfast.
- What does a thesaurus eat for breakfast? Synonym Toast Crunch
- We were so poor growing up that for breakfast we had Ordinary K.
- What does Salvador Dahli eat for breakfast? Surreal.
- My waitress at breakfast this morning was really unsettling. She gave me the crêpes.
- Two things you can't eat for breakfast Lunch and dinner
- Why do French people only eat one egg at breakfast? Because one egg is an œuf.
- Why do the French prefer to have a small breakfast Because one egg is un oeuf.
Breakfast Lunch Jokes
Here is a list of funny breakfast lunch jokes and even better breakfast lunch puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What are two things dinosaurs can't have for dinner? Breakfast and lunch.
I'll show myself out now - This morning for breakfast, I made a Belgian waffle. For lunch, I'm planning to make a dutch person uncomfortable.
- What are the 2 things you cannot have for breakfast? Lunch and dinner.
- Capitalism has many problems but communism only has 3 - Breakfast
- Lunch
- Dinner - If a combined breakfast and lunch is called brunch. What is combining your breakfast, lunch, and dinner called? ...being poor.
- For breakfast, lunch and dinner I eat copies of Final Fantasy, Chrono Trigger and Secret of Mana You could say I eat three square meals a day
- The Donner Party Diet Breakfast: Jacks
Lunch: Franks
Dinner: Patties - What did you have for breakfast? Pea Soup Q: What did you have for lunch?
A: Pea Soup
Q: What did you have for dinner?
A: Pea Soup
Q: What did you do all night?
A: Pee soup… - Why don't astronauts eat much at breakfast? So they can be ready for lunch
- What do you call having pizza for breakfast, lunch, and dinner? Regret
Breakfast Cereal Jokes
Here is a list of funny breakfast cereal jokes and even better breakfast cereal puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- My daughter at breakfast this AM: Are you drinking coffee because you're coughy? Me: Are you eating cereal because you can't cereal good?
Wife: 🙄 - Why is there always dust at the bottom of a bag of cereal? It's a sign Thanos has ensured you get a "balanced" breakfast.
- Why did the Xbox One eat its cereal for breakfast, but not its pancakes? It had the spoon, but not the 4k.
- Why did a man throw his breakfast out the window? He was a cereal defenestrator.
- I like to steal pictures of people's breakfast and post them again I guess you could say I'm a cereal reposter
- What do you call someone, who murders your breakfast? A cereal killer.
- Did you see the Catholic church released a breakfast cereal? cinnamon Pope Crunch: The See You Can Taste
- What cereal was removed from Tim Cook's breakfast? Apple Jacks
- What does coronavirus have for breakfast? Ebola cereal
- What is a fascist's favorite breakfast cereal? Mueslini.
Cooked Breakfast Jokes
Here is a list of funny cooked breakfast jokes and even better cooked breakfast puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- *true story. I dropped an egg on my feet while cooking breakfast I guess the yolk's on me...
- While cooking breakfast this morning, my dad randomly said this: I like my women like I like my pancakes… Hot, thick, and stacked!
- What does Tim Cook have for breakfast in the morning? Not Apple Jacks
- My kids got so mad when I cooked pancakes for breakfast Seems he was their favorite rabbit
- Have you ever seen how a blind man cooks breakfast? Neither has he.
- I cooked a boring breakfast. Allow me to eggs plain. I cooked a boring breakfast. Allow me to eggs plain.
- My 3 year-old wanted to help me cook breakfast... ...but she wasn't eggsperienced enough.
- People who cook breakfast in a t-shirt are d**.... Use a pan,for God's sake.
- One day I was cooking some eggs and sausages for breakfast, and one of the sausages got burnt. I'll never cook n**... again.
Breakfast Food Jokes
Here is a list of funny breakfast food jokes and even better breakfast food puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What do you call cold Mexican food? A Brrrr-rito.
Guess what I had for breakfast. Apologies if repost. - What is the naughtiest breakfast food? Bacon. It strips.
- When I was in Paris, I got up early to get some food. They had this huge mushroom buffet. Portabella, shiitake; Breakfast of champignons
- Why is a computer security specialist's favorite breakfast food? Salted hash.
- What do cows read at the breakfast table?
The moospaper. - What do snowmen eat for breakfast? Frosted Flakes!
- You're like milk, I want to make you a part of my complete breakfast.
- Chuck Norris put corns in the Milky Way and eat them at his breakfast.
- I had Mediterranean food for breakfast Now I falafel.
- If Chuck Norris was here in the Philippines, there would be no hostage crisis.
He eats hostage-takers for breakfast!
Fun-Filled Breakfast Jokes to Make You and Your Friends Chuckle & Giggle
What funny jokes about breakfast you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean coffee break jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make breakfast pranks.
Most women would love to wake up on their birthday to the smell of fresh coffee, a nice breakfast, flowers and o**...
But not my Sister.
My wife is an economist and I am an engineer.
I was watching my wife make her breakfast one morning, and noticed that she made way too many trips to get each of the items she needed. So I said in my best engineer voice, Hey sweetheart, why don't you utilize the load maximization principle and carry all the items you need in one trip, thereby minimizing total distance travelled?
Well don't you know, she loved my suggestion!
It used to take her 11 minutes to make her breakfast… now I do it in 5.
An American, an Englishman and a Scotsman are eating breakfast with their wives
The American says to his wife: "Please pass me the honey, honey"
Then the Englishman requests: "Please pass me the sugar, sugar," to his wife.
The Scotsman thinks for a second, then bickers "Pass me the milk, ya cow!"
I'm a 21-year-old multimillionaire. Here's how I did it.
1. I get up at 5:00 AM every day
2. I run for an hour before breakfast
3. Afterward, I take a cold shower to wake me up.
4. Journaling is key. You never know when you might need to remember something.
5. Always write down an appointment as soon as you get it.
6. My dad owns a Fortune 500 company.
7. I meditate every day
The whole family are having breakfast together when…
The young Grandson looks over at his 18 year old newlywed wife and asks her, "Will you pass the honey, honey?" She giggles and passes the honey.
His father, not to be outdone, looks over to his beautiful wife and asks, "Will you pass the sugar, sugar?" She laughs, "Your still a charmer," and passes the sugar.
The Grandfather looks up, makes eye contact with his wife of 55 years and asks, "Will you pass the tea... bag?"
My 3 year old daughter asked
My 3 year old daughter asked: Where does p**... come from?
I decided it was best to explain it at a level she would understand so I said: You just had breakfast?
Yes , she replied.
Well, the food goes in your mouth down into your tummy. Our body takes all the good stuff it needs out of the food and then what's left goes down to your bottom and when you go to the toilet that comes out as p**....
She looked confused and stared at me in stunned silence for a few seconds. Then asked: And Tigger?
Mother's Day
Two children ordered their mother to stay in bed one Mother's Day morning. As she lay there looking forward to breakfast in bed, the smell of bacon floated up from the kitchen.
But after a good long wait she finally went downstairs to investigate. She found them both sitting at the table eating bacon and eggs.
"As a surprise for Mother's Day," one explained, "we decided to cook our own breakfast."
Anybody interested in a free ride in a helicopter for 4 people? I'm still looking for 2 more adults to join me and my wife.
We leave early Saturday morning (Feb 6th) from New York and will fly to Boston , where we will have breakfast, then have lunch on a friend's yacht.
Then we'll do a flight along the coast, up to Cape Elizabeth returning to Boston for dinner, then fly back home. If interested, please message me.
Preferably someone with a helicopter and yacht, otherwise we can't go.
A German boy never uttered a single word growing up.
Then ,one day, aged 5, while sitting at breakfast, he looked up from his plate and said in perfect German - 'The toast is burnt'...to which the family were amazed at. 'You can speak, that's amazing, why have you never spoken until now?'
He replied: 'There was nothing wrong until now'
A man stumbles into his house early in the morning...
after a night of partying and heavy drinking, just as the sun is coming up. His wife is waiting for him at the kitchen table, glaring at him.
"Is there a reason you're coming home at 6 in the morning with alcohol on your breath, lipstick on your collar?" She shouts at him.
"Yes there is," he replies.
"I would like some breakfast"
A tourist decides to visit a native American Chief who is famous for his perfect memory.
"Okay, Chief..." says the tourist,
"Let's test that memory of yours. What did you eat for breakfast on May 9th, 1972?"
The Chief thinks for a moment, and responds "Eggs."
The tourist replies, "Wow, that's incredible! You really do have a perfect memory." and leaves.
Ten years later the tourist finds himself in the Chief's neck of the woods and decides to pay him a visit.
He enters the Chief's home and respectfully greets him, saying "Hau, Chief."
The Chief promptly replies, "Scrambled."
The first time I introduced a girlfriend to my grandpa.
"What's your name again?"
"Claudia."
"Oh *Claudia*. I'm sorry my dear, I won't forget it again. Claudia may I ask you something?"
"Sure."
"Do you know the difference between s**... and breakfast?"
"...Um, no.?"
"Would you like to have breakfast sometime?"
What do people with huge p**... eat for breakfast?
Well, I had toast.
Two men on a train both have black eyes.
Man 1: "how did you get that black eye?"
Man 2: "I was buying my ticket from this beautiful b**... girl and instead of saying 'a ticket to Pittsburgh' I accidentally said I wanted 'a picket to Tittsburgh' so she hit me. How about you?"
Man 1: "Yeah, something similar happened to me. I was sitting around having breakfast with my wife and I meant to say 'pass the wheaties' and I accidentally said 'you ruined my life you s**... b**...'."
Two families make a bet on who can be more american
Two families move from Pakistan to America. When they arrive the two fathers make a bet to see, in a years time, which family has become more Americanized.
A Year later they meet again. The first man says,"My son is playing baseball. I had breakfast at McDonalds and im on my way to pick up a case of Bud Light.
How about you?"
The second man replies, "Go back to your sand country, t**..."
An older couple is having breakfast when the old woman says to her husband
"Just think, honey, we've been married for 60 years.?"
"Yes," he replies. "Sixty years ago we were sitting here at this breakfast table together. And we were probably n**... as jaybirds."
"Well," the old woman snickers, "should we get n**... again for old time's sake?"
So they s**... off their clothing and sit back down at the table. "You know," the old woman says breathlessly, "my n**... are as hot for you today as they were 60 years ago."
"I'm not surprised," replies the old man. "One's in your coffee and the other's in your oatmeal!"
Some campers wake up in the morning and start making breakfast...
Nearby is a family of moles living in their burrow underground. Papa mole wakes up and crawls up to the hole and says, "It smells delicious up here! I can smell sausage and eggs and is that some ham frying too?" So mama mole climbs up and she's greeted with the sweet smells of breakfast. "I smell fresh toast and flap jacks and maybe a hint of cinnamon!" Baby mole tries to enjoy the smells but can't get past mama and papa through the hole and says, "All I can smell is molasses."
In high school, I was dared to play gay chicken , which is where two straight guys pretend to be gay and the first one to chicken out loses...
The other guy and I are really stubborn, and neither of us wanted to lose. We've been married 14 years and run a bed and breakfast in Vermont with our adopted daughter. If that dude doesn't chicken out soon, I'm going to start to suspect he is actually gay.
An old man is eating some breakfast at a diner when three bikers walk in.
The first biker puts out his cigarette in the old man's pancakes.
The second biker spits out his tobacco in the old man's coffee.
The third biker takes the entire meal and shoves it off the table.
The old man, without saying so much as a word, gets up, pays the waitress, and exits the diner. The bikers laugh and sit at the old man's table. "Not much of a man, was he?" says one of the bikers.
"Not much of a driver either," says the waitress. "That man just drove his 16-wheeler over three bikes."
I am a man who loves to give women breakfast in bed. All I want to receive in return is a simple "Thank you!"...
...not "Who are you?", "How did you get in here?", and "I'll call the police!"
If I go through the trouble of making you breakfast in bed, all I ask for is a simple thank you.
Not all this "how did you get in my house" nonsense.
Who won the race between the priest and the nun?
It was the priest, because he "pastor" a while back.
I just came up with this one at the breakfast table for those who are curious.
2 older couple were having breakfast
Old man 1: We went to the best restaurant last night
Old man 2: What's it's name?
Old man 1: Oh, I have such a terrible memory. What's that red flower?
Old man 2: Carnation?
Old man 1: No, the one with the thorns.
Old man 2: Rose?
Old man 1: That's it. (turns to his wife) Hey Rose, what's the name of that restaurant we went to last night?
I used to have a girlfriend who, whenever she had a bad headache, would go into the cupboard, find my oats I'd normally eat for breakfast and then throw them in the garbage.
Apparently she couldn't cope with my grains.
Easily lose weight by cutting these two things out of your diet:
Breakfast and dinner.
My dad told me this joke please laugh.
Bacon and eggs walk into a bar and order a beer
The bartender says "Sorry, we don't serve breakfast"
Dad at breakfast:
Dad at breakfast: I'll have bacon and eggs, please
Waiter: How do you like your eggs?
Dad: I don't know, I haven't gotten them yet!
If I make you breakfast in bed, a simple "Thank you" would be nice...
...None of that "How did you get into my house?" business.
An old man in a nursing home says to a woman I bet you can't guess how old I am. The woman responds I bet I can, drop your pants.
He does and the woman says you're 96 years old. Amazed, the old man asked her how she knew that and she told him you told me at breakfast.
An Englishman, a Welshman, and an Irishman take their wives to breakfast
Tea is served
Trying to be cute the English man says to his wife
Would you like some sugar, sugar?
The Welshman trying to follow suit says to his wife
Would you like some honey, honey?
The Irishman refusing to be outdone says to his wife:
Would you like some milk, you fat fecking cow?
Muslims are a lot like breakfast eggs.
If they aren't Sunni side up, they're probably Shiite.
Guy wakes up to breakfast in bed...
his lunch is made, and he notices he's late for work. Frantically, he calls work, and they let him know that his wife already called to let them know he would be late.
He asks his son what happened that his mom was so happy. The son says "Dad, you came home drunk last night, and mom brought you to bed, and when she tried to take your shirt off, you said 'Get off me lady, I'm married!"
If I make you breakfast in bed a simple "thank you" will do.
None of this "how did you get in my house" nonsense.
Husband's night out
An angry housewife met her husband at the front door and immediately noticed he smelled of alcohol and perfume.
"I assume," she said with her most acidic sarcasm, "That there must be a very good reason for your coming home at six o'clock in the morning with booze on your breath and another woman's perfume all over you."
"There is," he said. "I'd like breakfast."
I woke up to find my wife lying unconscious on the kitchen floor..
At first I panicked, then remembered that McDonalds does all day breakfast.
My wife told me
That women are better in multitasking than men.
I told her to shut up and make me a breakfast.
Obviously she didn't manage.
Two atheists were lost in a desert.
Two atheists were lost in a desert. They had run out of supplies and were wandering aimlessly.
One morning, they encountered a Muslim. The Muslim asked, "What are your names?"
The first, figuring the Muslim would be more likely to help a fellow Muslim, lied and said, "My name is Mohammed."
The second stayed honest and said, "My name is Dave."
The Muslim gave Dave a hearty breakfast. He turned to "Mohammed" and said, "Fasting is so hard, isn't it?"
What does a man with a big d*c**... eat for breakfast?
Yeah, I didn't think you'd know...
Tea?
An American, an Englishman and an Irishman were having breakfast together with their wives.
The American suddenly smiled and turned to his wife saying: "Would you please pass me the honey, Honey."
The Englishman, not to be outdone, turned to his wife and said: "Please pass me the sugar, Sugar."
The Irishman paused a while, then turned to his wife and said: "Pass me the tea, Bag."
Two brothers
Two brothers, ages 8 and 5, wake up one morning, and the older of the two says, "Today we're going to start cursing. I'll say d**... and you say a**...." The younger brother agrees.
Soon, their mother calls them down for breakfast. She asks the older brother what he would like to eat. He replies "I want some d**... Cheerios." His mother is horrified, slaps him across the face and sends him to his room.
She turns to her younger son and asks, "Well, what do you want for breakfast?" He replies, "I'm not sure, but you can bet your a**... it won't be Cheerios!"
What do guys with big d**... eat for breakfast?
Didn't think you'd know.
I went to a hotel that had continental breakfast
Unfortunately the continent was Africa so all I got was an empty plate
Two little kids.....
aged six and eight, decide it's time to learn how to swear. So the eight-year-old says to the six-year-old, Okay, you say a**...' and I'll say h**....'
All excited about their plan, they troop downstairs, where their mother asks them what they'd like for breakfast. Aw, h**..., says the eight-year-old, gimme some Cheerios. His mother backhands him off the stool, sending him bawling out of the room, and turns to the younger brother. What'll you have?
I dunno, quavers the six-year-old, but you can bet your a**... it ain't gonna be Cheerios.
I almost didn't post this joke, but I decided you deserve it.
The doctor and his wife were having a heated argument at breakfast. As he stormed out of the house, the man angrily yelled to his wife, You aren't that good in bed either!
By midmorning, he decided he'd better make amends and called home. After many rings, his wife, clearly out of breath, answered the phone. What took you so long to answer and why are you panting?
I was in bed.
What in the world are you doing in bed at this hour?
Getting a second opinion
Snow wife.
One winter morning while listening to the radio, Bob and his wife hear the announcer say, "We are going to have 4-6 inches of snow today.
You must park your car on the even numbered side of the street, so the snowplow can get through."
Bob's wife goes out and moves her car.
A week later while they are eating breakfast, the radio announcer says, "We are expecting 6-8 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the odd numbered side of the street, so the snowplow can get through."
Bob's wife goes out and moves her car again.
The next week they are having breakfast again, when the radio announcer says, "We are expecting 8-10 inches of snow today. You must park..." then the electric power goes out.
Bob's wife is very upset, and with a worried look on her face she says, "Honey, I don't know what to do. Which side of the street do I need to park on so the plow can get through?"
With the love and understanding in his voice like all men who are married to blondes exhibit, Bob says, "Why don't you just leave it in the garage this time?"
The Longest Memory in the World
One day, a young man takes a trip out West and comes across a little Native American village. He decides, what the heck, he'll stop and look around. One of the Native women, seeing that he's not from around, tells the man he should visit the Chief, who she says has the longest and best memory in the world. So the man decides to go visit the Chief and asks: "So I hear you have the greatest memory in the world." The Chief answers "I do. I can remember every single detail of my entire life." The man figures he should test this, and asks the Chief "What did you have for breakfast on April the 27th, 1959?" After stopping to think for a second, the chief answers "two eggs." Satisfied, the man says goodbye to the Chief and eventually leaves the village.
Twenty years later, the man takes another trip out West and comes across the same village. He's amazed when he notices the Chief, still alive after all these years. The man, stops and says hello, so he raises his hand and says, "How" and the Chief replies "fried."
There was a boy playing in the farm field when his mom called him in for breakfast.
On his way in he kicked a cow, pig, and a chicken. So when he gets to the table he sees a dry bowl of cereal. "What's the deal?" he asks. His mom says " You kicked the cow so no milk for you, you kicked the pig so no bacon for you, and you kicked the chicken so no eggs for you." Then his father walks into the kitchen and accidentally kicked the cat. The the boy says "Do you want me to tell him or should you?"
Two eggs and a piece of bacon walk into a bar
The bartender asks them to leave. They all ask why. Bartender says, "We don't serve breakfast here."
A man on a business trip went out for breakfast
When the waitress came to his booth, she asked "What can we get you?"
The man paused and said "I'll tell you what- I'd like the special, but I want my toast burned to a crisp, my bacon rubbery, my coffee weak and when you bring me the food I want you to yell at me."
Puzzled, the waitress said "What are you, crazy?!"
"No," said the man- "i'm homesick."
I wonder if mormons support the transgendered?
If they did, they could go on a transmission!
-- authentic dadjoke overheard at breakfast
Do you know why Parisians only have a single egg for breakfast?
Because in France one egg is un œuf.
Two eggs and a s**... of bacon walk into a bar
The bartender looks at them and says, "Sorry - we don't serve breakfast here."
What does h**... drink with his breakfast?
Milk because he doesn't like juice
Mailman's last day on the job.
After 30 years, mailman George decides to retire. On his last day, he makes his usual rounds.
When he arrives at the first house, the whole family comes out, congratulates him, and sends him on his way with a $50 gift envelope.
At the second house, they present him with a box of fine cigars.
At the next house, he is met at the door by a strikingly beautiful woman in a revealing negligee. She takes him by the hand and leads him up to the bedroom, where she blows his mind with the most passionate s**... he has ever experienced.
When done, they go downstairs, where she fixes him a giant breakfast. As she pours him a cup of coffee, he notices a dollar bill sticking out from under the cup's bottom edge.
"All this is just too wonderful for words," he says, "but what's the dollar for?"
"Well," she says, "last night, I told my husband that today would be your last day and that I wanted to do something special for you. I asked him what to give you. He said, 'Fuck him. Give him a dollar.' But breakfast was my idea!"
The wife
She was standing in the kitchen, preparing our usual soft-boiled eggs and toast for breakfast, wearing only The 'T' shirt that she normally slept in.
As I walked in, almost awake, she turned to me and said softly, "You've got to make love to me this very moment!
My eyes lit up and I thought, "I am either still dreaming or this is going to be my lucky day!
Not wanting to lose the moment, I embraced her and then gave it my all; right there on the kitchen table.
Afterwards she said, "Thanks," and returned to the stove, her T-shirt still around her neck.
Happy, but a little puzzled, I asked, "What was that all about?"
She explained, "The egg timer's broken."
Old Soviet joke - Children in the USSR
Back in Soviet Russia, little Misha is being read to by his babysitter. She reads: 'In the USSR, kindegardens are filled with wonderful toys.'
Misha listens with bright eyes.
'In the USSR, every child has a brand new bicycle.'
Little Misha opens his eyes even wider.
'In the USSR, every child drinks hot cocoa for breakfast.'
Little Misha starts crying his eyes out, bawling:
'I want to go to the USSR!'
Jack wakes up with a horrible hangover and a throbbing black eye.
The first thing he sees is a single rose on the side table and a note from his wife: Dear, breakfast is made. I've gone shopping to make you your favorite dinner tonight. I love you!
He stumbles to the kitchen and, sure enough, there's breakfast. Joe, he says to his son, what happened last night?
You came home s**... and got that black eye tripping over a chair.
So, why the rose, breakfast, and sweet note from your mother?
Oh, that. Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to t**... clothes, you screamed, 'Leave me alone, I'm married!'
Monday morning in the office, a man notices that his colleague is very sad.
At breakfast, he approaches him:What's wrong? You look really beat today.
Don't ask, I had the worst weekend you could imagine.
What happened?
I was visiting an old friend that I haven't seen in years and the family caught me sniffing his sister's underwear.
Okay, that's not nice, but no need to get all misty.
Well, she was still wearing them.
Oh, that's even worse.
Yeah, it ruined her whole f**....
Sorry, no native english speaker, but i guess you get the point.
Egg timer
She was standing in the kitchen, preparing our usual soft-boiled eggs and toast for breakfast, wearing only The 'T' shirt that she normally slept in.
As I walked in, almost awake, she turned to me and said softly, "You've got to make love to me this very moment!
My eyes lit up and I thought, "I am either still dreaming or this is going to be my lucky day!
Not wanting to lose the moment, I embraced her and then gave it my all; right there on the kitchen table.
Afterwards she said, "Thanks," and returned to the stove, her T-shirt still around her neck.
Happy, but a little puzzled, I asked, "What was that all about?"
She explained, "The egg timer's broken."
A boy and his father are playing catch
A boy and his father were playing catch in the front yard when the
boy saw a honey bee. He ran over and stomped it.
"That was a honey bee," his father said,"one of our friends, and for
stomping him you will do without honey for a week."
Later the boy saw a butterfly so he ran over and stomped it.
"That was a butterfly," his father said, "one of our friends, and for
stomping him you will do without butter for a week."
The next morning the family had sat down for breakfast. The boy ate his plain toast (no honey or butter.)
Suddenly a cockroach ran from under the stove. His mother stomped it.
The boy looked at his father and said, "Are you going to tell her or
should I"?
A doctor and his wife were having a huge argument at breakfast...
"Yeah?, well you aren't so good in bed either!" The doctor shouted and stormed off to work. By midmorning, he decided he'd better make amends and call home. After many rings, his wife picked up the phone.
"What took you so long to answer?" He said
"I was in bed." came the reply.
"What were you doing in bed this late?"
"Getting a second opinion."
