Break Up Lines Jokes

Following is our collection of queue humor and furious one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. They include Break Up Lines puns for adults, dirty breakdancer jokes or clean breakdance gags for kids.

There is an abundance of stand jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 19 funniest jokes on break up lines. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any breach witze you can hear about break up lines.

The Best jokes about Break Up Lines

Lenin, Stalin, Khrushchev, Brezhnev and Gorbachev are sitting together on a train...

The train breaks down. Lenin tries to rally the workers to work together and get the train running again. When that fails, Stalin lines up all the workers and shoots them. When that doesn't help, Khrushchev tries to reform the workers back to life. When that also fails, Brezhnev pulls down all the curtains in the rail car and says "let's just pretend the train is moving."

After sitting in the dark for a while, Gorbachev breaks the silence and says "Hey, any of you guys wanna pick up some McDonalds?"

The engineer and the mathematician

A mathematician and an engineer are at a bar when the most beautiful woman either of them has ever seen approaches them.

She takes them to a football field and tells them, "I'm going to stand on the far goal line, and you'll stand on this one. Whichever of you reaches me first can do whatever you want to me."

"There are two rules, however. Your first move can only be to the fifty yard line, and each move following can only be half the distance of the previous."

The woman walks to the far side to the far goal line, and the race begins.

The mathematician, upon seeing her reach the goal line, breaks down in tears, because he knows that he can never make it to the far goal.

The engineer takes off immediately. He knows he can never reach her, but he can certainly get close enough for all practical purposes.

Yesterday while working I saw a gigantic funeral precession...

There were two hearses, followed by a man walking a dog, followed by hundreds of men.

I take a break from work and say to the man walking the dog " excuse me sir, I don't mean to be rude but do you mind telling me what happened?"

The man replies:
"A couple of weeks ago I bought this dog for my wife. Last week it turned on her and killed her. During the attack my mother in law tried to pull the dog off of her daughter and ended up dying as well"

I say : " sir can I borrow you dog?"

He replies : "Get in line "

Do you know how many hydrogen bonds I can disrupt? (Chemistry pick-up line)

Enough to break the ice, how's it going?

Super fast Nano

A tata nano breaks down on a roadside. A BMW 750Li stops to help the driver.

"I will tow you to the next service station, but if I drive too fast please flash your lights."

They start up slowly but only a km or so down the line a Porsche speeds pas 150km/hour.

The BMW driver totally forgets about the Nano and guns it after the Porsche.

Just as all 3 of them tear through a speed trap, the cop radios the HQ," calling all stations: you won't believe this, I just saw a BMW and a Porsche racing past about 190km/hour with a Nano behind them flashing its lights to overtake."

(Nano is the cheapest car)


Did you hear the one about the snake with the wriggly hips?

Look, I'm sorry if I'm breaking a rule, but this has been bothering me for decades. From the comments in this sub, most of you have apparently heard every joke a million times before... ;) I thought maybe somebody's heard the punch line for this one...

In the late 80s, we had a CB in our station wagon. My mom was driving me to middle school one morning, and I did a radio check and found a trucker to talk to.

I told him a few tame kiddie jokes, he laughed, and then he said, "Have you heard the one about the snake with the wriggly hips?"

My mom took the speaker away from me and said, "Before you tell that joke, you should know that you're speaking to a ten-year-old girl."

The trucker said, "Oh..." and then went on to tell a different joke.

I have NEVER heard this joke since, or been able to find it online. It's come back to haunt me at random times, like today, so I thought I'd take a shot here. Anybody know this joke?

My daughter was playing hopscotch by herself...

So my daughter was playing hopscotch, and recited the words "*Step on a crack, and break your mother's back"

And then my wife's back bent over, I then shouted at her to stop playing, but she continued and then recited "*Step on a line and break your father's spine*"

And then the neighbor next door shouted in agony with his back bent.

Reading between the lines.

1 Bob Smith, my assistant programmer, can always be found

2 hard at work at his desk. He works independently, without

3 wasting company time talking to colleagues. Bob never

4 thinks twice about assisting fellow employees, and always

5 finishes given assignments on time. Often he takes extended

6 measures to complete his work, sometimes skipping coffee

7 breaks. Bob is a dedicated individual who has absolutely no

8 vanity in spite of his high accomplishments and profound

9 knowledge in his field. I firmly believe that Bob can be

10 classed as an asset employee, the type which cannot be

11 dispensed with. Consequently, I duly recommend that Bob be

12 promoted to executive management, and a proposal will be

13 executed as soon as possible.

Addendum:
That idiot was standing over my shoulder while I wrote the report sent to you earlier today. Kindly re-read only the odd numbered lines.

I've been having trouble meeting girls, so I asked my dad for some advice. He said that if I wanted to break the ice, the next time I go out, I should use this pickup line...

"Ford F-150, Chevy Silverado, Dodge Ram, Toyota Tundra, Nissan Titan, GMC Sierra, Honda Ridgeline..."

Someone asked me to sing a line from "Don't go breaking my heart"

I couldn't if I tried.

(cheesy pickup line) How much does a polar bear weigh?

Enough to break the ice


I just found out my on-line girlfriend has a wooden leg.

should I break it off?

Betty was away from home on a business trip, and on a break between meetings decided to call home collect...

...as her husband was outside changing the oil on his car, her 6 year old son Bobby picked up the phone.

Putting his ear to the receiver, he heard a man say: *"We have a Betty on the line, will you except the charges?"*

Terrified, Bobby ran outside screaming:

"DAD!!! THEY'VE GOT MOM!!! AND THEY WANT MONEY!!!"

Blow

So, I was in a bad situation, lost my family, home, all of my money, I needed some cash. Due to this I decided to try my hand at burglary. Thinking big and ambitious I headed to London, to break in to some big mansions there. Finally got it all planned and found the perfect house. Night descended, sure the house was empty, I entered. No problems. Looking through the property I found lines of powder on the coffee table in the living room. Feeling cocky and curious I had a sniff. Amazing. Definitely good Blow. Went down for another line and I heard a deep cockney voice at the other side of the room.

"What are you doing?"

I looked up. "Oh my God" I said "Its Michael Caine!".

"No." He replied. "That's my Cocaine."

"Did you know that Linkin Park is the best band to listen to while waiting in line to meet U2?"

Because I'm one step closer to the Edge, and I'm about to break.

Years of trying to break into acting and I have been finally cast as a drug dealer,

It's just a shame I only have one line

Urinal race.

I was at a group thing and we went on break. Some dude and I got to neighboring urinals and in unison our pee hit the water at the same time. We both knew one thing, the race was on!

The race was a dead heat. Both of us were expelling as fast as we could. I could hear the pressure increasing as we both of us wanted that win.

The winner of a foot race can be designated by the one who crosses the finish line first. In that respect I won.

The winner of a drinking contest is the one that didn't pee on themselves. In that respect, I lost.

A Karate master teaches his students how to break a piece of wood

He points his finger to the center of the board and tells his students, "This is the punch line"

There is a jiu jitsu competition to see who can break the largest board with their fist. The judge asks all competitors to stand behind the first contestant, but no one listens.

There is no punch line.


Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

Joko Jokes