Break Up Jokes
141 break up jokes and hilarious break up puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about break up that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Break Up Short Jokes
Short break up jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The break up humour may include short breakup jokes also.
- Breaking News: bill gates has agreed to pay for Trump's wall On the condition he gets to install windows.
- If Elon Musk's space company establishes a mars colony, and you have a girlfriend on mars, but later break up because of long distance, she'd be your.... Space x.
- Breaking News Trump's personal library just burned down The fire consumed both books and he hasn't even finished coloring the second one
- Why do people say "break a leg" before an audition? It's so that they'll end up in a cast.
- My girlfriend has an onlyfans account and it's doing really well I just have to figure out how to break the news to her
- My boyfriend doesn't know me at all, he keeps giving me birds as gifts, and I don't understand it. Should we break up?
- I asked my girlfriend if she'd like a day of eating ice cream and hanging with her girl friends. She said "Yes!". I said "Good, because I'm breaking up with you."
- king Charles has a realistic chance of breaking one of Queen Elizabeths most famous records: The record number of 15 prime ministers during her reign.
- My ex girlfriend was a beautiful woman... ... olive skin, green eyes, snakes for hair.
But I had to break it off with her because she was constantly objectifying me. - My doctor wrote me a prescription for "dailysex"... But the wife had to break it to me that it was actually for "dyslexia".
Share These Break Up Jokes With Friends
Break Up One Liners
Which break up one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with break up? I can suggest the ones about splitting up and divorce.
- Breaking: donald trump has just won another state. Denial.
- I once had a goldfish that could break-dance on a carpet, but only for like 20 seconds...
- Break ups are the worst in China... You see her face everywhere.
- I witnessed the break up of an obese couple I guess they didn't work out.
- Where do admins go for summer break? Banned camp.
- I had to break up with my tennis player girlfriend Love meant nothing to her
- BREAKING NEWS: Scientists have discovered an amazing fact about icebergs... More below.
- I don't always make Titanic jokes But when I do, I use them to break the ice
- What's the worst way to break up with a blind person? I think we should see other people
- How did the blonde break her legs raking leaves? She fell out of a tree.
- Britain should have written a break up note "It's not EU, it's me"
- How many hearts can the Belgium football team break at once? About a brazilian...
- What happens to rainbows that break the law? They go through the prism system
- If a blind couple breaks up... would they start hearing other people?
- Why did the astronaut break up with his girlfriend? He needed space.
Break Up Lines Jokes
Here is a list of funny break up lines jokes and even better break up lines puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Do you know how many hydrogen bonds I can disrupt? (Chemistry pick-up line) Enough to break the ice, how's it going?
- I stopped by my favorite noodle place on my lunch break, but the line to get in was out the door. There was no way I'd be able to order and get back to work on time, it was a real pho queue.
- Someone asked me to sing a line from "Don't go breaking my heart" I couldn't if I tried.
- (cheesy pickup line) How much does a polar bear weigh? Enough to break the ice
- I just found out my on-line girlfriend has a wooden leg. should I break it off?
- "Did you know that Linkin Park is the best band to listen to while waiting in line to meet U2?" Because I'm one step closer to the Edge, and I'm about to break.
- Years of trying to break into acting and I have been finally cast as a drug dealer, It's just a shame I only have one line
- A Karate master teaches his students how to break a piece of wood He points his finger to the center of the board and tells his students, "This is the punch line"
Giggle-Inducing Break Up Jokes for Joyful Times with Friends
What funny jokes about break up you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean separate jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make break up pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How do you break up two blind guys fighting?
Yell, "My money's on the guy with the knife!"
Santa and Mrs. Claus have decided to break up
However, finding a divorce lawyer at the North Pole is next to impossible, so instead they got a semicolon.
They're great at separating independent Clauses.
I had to break up with my cross-eyed girlfriend...
Apparently, she was seeing someone else on the side.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two blind men.
This morning I had to break up a fight on the sidewalk. Two blind men going at it with their canes.
I said: "Break it up guys,What the h**... is going on here!"
Blind man 1:"You owe me fifty dollars!"
Blind man 2: "I don't understand what the h**... his problem is!, I told YOU! ,"I WILL PAY YOU THE NEXT TIME I SEE YOU!"
How do you break up a fight between 2 blind men?
Yell out: 'My money is on the one with a knife...'
I've been trying really hard to break up with my optician girlfriend.
Every time I tell her I can't see her any more, she moves a bit closer to me says "How about now, is that any better?"
My girlfriend told me she would break up with me if I kept telling jokes about the USSR
Soviet
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
When my girlfriend and I break up and she screws 10 guys, she's an "empowered woman"
But when I do it I'm "gay".
My girlfriend texted me that the relationship cannot continue because I played too much video games.
Looks like it was my Destiny 2 break up with her.
I realized why girls like tall men
Because it makes it easier to crop your head out of photos when you break up.
My girlfriend threatened to break up with me
She said, "You act so childish whenever I'm around. Now, it's either 'your mom' jokes or me."
I said, "And I, like so many men before me, will eagerly choose your mom."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Her: I want to break up. For starters, I'm sick of your terrible jokes.
Him: Ok. And for the main course?
Guys I really want to break up with my Jazz musician girlfriend but I can't
The Sax is too good
I used to date a girl with a lazy eye. I had to break up with her.
She was seeing somebody on the side.
I had to break up with my girlfriend. She was a necromancer.
She wanted us to raise a family together.
Why is it so hard to break up with a Japanese Girl?
You have to drop the Bomb twice before she gets the Message.
Why did the introduction and the conclusion break up?
They were just never on the same page...
My girlfriend says she may break up with me because I don't like cats...
I told her, "I like cats, I just can't eat a whole one by myself."
My computer won't stop crying and singing about break ups...
That's the last time I buy A Dell.
Why did Captain Kirk's girlfriend break up with him?
Because he Shatner face.
Why did x and y break up?
They couldn't function together.
Why did the harp break up with his girlfriend?
Because she was a lyre.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My girlfriend said she would break up with me if I said another s**...-Doo quote.
My last words to her were Alright, let's split up gang.
You know what the worst part is about dating a Japanese girl?
If I ever decide to break up with her I will have to drop the bomb twice before she gets the message
Why did the dumpling break up with its dough? It wanted to be “dumplingle” again!
I had to break up with my girlfriend after I ran over her feet with a lawnmower...
I'm lactose intolerant.
I once dated a girl that collected magazines.
We had to break up because she had too many issues.
Why did the moon break up with the sun? It wanted some space.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
There's a Marine in Afghanistan
A marine was deployed to Afghanistan. While he was there, he received a letter from his girlfriend. In the letter she explained that she had slept with two guys while he had been gone and she wanted to break up with him. She also wanted the pictures of herself back.
So, the marine did what any other man would do. He went around to his buddies and collected all the unwanted photos of women he could find. He then mailed about 24 pictures of women (with clothes and some without) to his ex-girlfriend with the following note:
"I don't remember which one you are. Please remove your picture and send the rest back."
My girlfriend wants to break up with me.
She says it's because I keep making jokes about her getting fat. So I said ''That's not true. I would never try to have fun at your expanse"
When I told my ex girlfriend that I wanted to break up, she tried gifting me a mini plastic figurine of myself in an attempt to salvage our relationship.
I screamed, "Lego of me!"
Break up
My boyfriend just broke up with me, he was sick and tired of my constant zodiac puns.
It Taurus apart.
I'm in Pisces typing this
Why did the accordion player break up with his girlfriend? She kept trying to pull him in different directions.
How do you break up an Al-Quaeda bingo game?
Yell "B-52!"
My girlfriend said she'd break up with me if I kept singing oasis
I said maybe.
My girlfriend wants to break up with me and I don't know why.
I've asked my parents, siblings, friends, wife, other family. No one can figure it out.
Why did the transgender couple break up?
One cheated on the other while they were abroad.
Why did Beethoven's girlfriend break up with him?
He would never listen to her.
Why did Werner Heisenberg break up with his girlfriend?
He wasn't certain exactly where their relationship was currently going, but he knew that it was moving too fast.
Why did the pig break up with her boyfriend?
He was a boar.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My girlfriend warned me she would break up if I didn't stop making o**... s**... jokes.
I said "That's hard to s**...."
Couples usually break up after 7 days
Because they have a week relationship at that point
What do you say when you break up with an electrician?
Watt is love?
Baby don't hertz me.
Don't hertz me.
N-ohm-ore.
N-ohm-ore.
I was dating a keyboard but we had to break up...
...she just wasn't my type.
Why did the apple break up with the orange?
Because the banana was more appealing.
Why did the sun break up with the winter and start dating the spring equinox?
Because it was tired of its cold attitude and wanted someone who could really 'light' up its life!
How do you instantly break up an anti-quarantine rally?
Cough.
We need to break up...
...your busy schedule with some well deserved snuggle time!
A tree says to another tree, her boyfriend, "I think we should break up"
The other tree: "why wood you do this"
What is the equation for break up?
y = cos x is irrational
A girl is fed up with her boyfriend's unhealthy obsession with detective movies, and wants to break up with him.
"This is too much. We really should split up."
"Good idea, we can cover more ground that way."
Why did the penguin break up with the walrus?
Because they were polar opposites.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I was in the car with my son.
"Daddy, why did you and Mummy break up?" he asked.
I said, "I don't want to talk about it right now."
"Why not?" he asked.
"We're on the way to a f**...," I replied, "Where we're supposed to be sad."
Why did they Backstreet Boys break up?
They just weren't NSYNC.
I'm cancer free!
Best break up of my life. She was nuts.
A police officer tries to break up with his wife, also a police officer.
Husband: "We're over."
Wife: "We're what? over."
How do functions break up?
They stop calling each other.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why did the cockroach break up with his mosquito girlfriend?
He saw her s**... someone else.
How Do You Break Up With Your Girlfriend?
www.AshleyMadison.com
Miley Cyrus's fiancé wants to break up with her.
When asked why, he said that it's not twerking.
Did you hear about the guy and girl who mutually decided to break up because the guy had ED?
There were no hard feelings.
Why did 8 break up with 7?
Because 7 always came first!!!
Beautiful Girl
I once said to my girlfriend I would never stop telling her how beautiful she is.
Three years, a break up and two restraining orders later I still haven't stopped.
Made this one up myself thanks for reading.
My heart sank when i received a text from my gf " I can't take this anymore,let's break up "
You can imagine the tears of joy I had when i received a follow up message
"Sorry ,wrong number"
I used to be in a band called 500Mb......
But we had to break up because we couldn't get a gig.
My friend just went to Egypt
He had a break up and now he's in denial
My son just told me the school security guard got fired and the new one has only one arm. He asked, "How will he be able to break up fights with only one arm?"
I replied, "Single-handedly."
Why did ygritte break up with Jon Snow?
She didn't want six inches of snow all year long.
Why did the thoroughbred break up with the wild horse?
Because she was looking for a stable relationship.
Why did d/dx break up with e^x?
She finally realized that she could never change him. #mathcanbefunny
How did the goth kid break up with his girlfriend?
He sang her You Are My Sunshine.
Why did the period and and semicolon break up?
Because they had nothing in comma
Why did the shrimp break up with her boyfriend?
He was really shellfish!
I wanted to break up with my girlfriend
So I told her let's just be cousins.
