Break Jokes
170 break jokes and hilarious break puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about break that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
This article provides an overview of different types of breaks, from prison break to winter break, including the pros and cons of each one. Learn how to make the most of each break and find out the benefits and disadvantages of taking a break. Find out how to stay motivated when taking a break, and how to recover from a heart break or an accident. Make the most of each break with helpful tips and advice.
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Funniest Break Short Jokes
Short break jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The break humour may include short broken jokes also.
- Breaking News: bill gates has agreed to pay for Trump's wall On the condition he gets to install windows.
- How do you break up two blind guys fighting? Yell, "My money's on the guy with the knife!"
- If Elon Musk's space company establishes a mars colony, and you have a girlfriend on mars, but later break up because of long distance, she'd be your.... Space x.
- A fortune teller told me I'd suffer awful heart break in 12 years. To cheer myself up I bought a puppy.
- Breaking News Trump's personal library just burned down The fire consumed both books and he hasn't even finished coloring the second one
- Why do people say "break a leg" before an audition? It's so that they'll end up in a cast.
- My girlfriend has an onlyfans account and it's doing really well I just have to figure out how to break the news to her
- My boyfriend doesn't know me at all, he keeps giving me birds as gifts, and I don't understand it. Should we break up?
- I asked my girlfriend if she'd like a day of eating ice cream and hanging with her girl friends. She said "Yes!". I said "Good, because I'm breaking up with you."
- BREAKING NEWS: A man who took an Airline company to court after his luggage went missing has lost his case.
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Break One Liners
Which break one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with break? I can suggest the ones about burst and pause.
- Breaking: donald trump has just won another state. Denial.
- Yo Mama so fat, when she breaks a plate… It's usually of the tectonic variety.
- I once had a goldfish that could break-dance on a carpet, but only for like 20 seconds...
- Break ups are the worst in China... You see her face everywhere.
- I witnessed the break up of an obese couple I guess they didn't work out.
- Where do admins go for summer break? Banned camp.
- I had to break up with my tennis player girlfriend Love meant nothing to her
- Yo Momma is so ugly The government extended mask mandates to give everyone's eyes a break
- BREAKING NEWS: Scientists have discovered an amazing fact about icebergs... More below.
- I don't always make Titanic jokes But when I do, I use them to break the ice
- What's the worst way to break up with a blind person? I think we should see other people
- I had to break up with my cross-eyed girlfriend today. She was seeing other people.
- Alcoholics don't run in my family... They stumble around breaking things
- How did the blonde break her legs raking leaves? She fell out of a tree.
- Britain should have written a break up note "It's not EU, it's me"
Break Up Jokes
Here is a list of funny break up jokes and even better break up puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- King Charles has a realistic chance of breaking one of Queen Elizabeths most famous records: The record number of 15 prime ministers during her reign.
- My ex girlfriend was a beautiful woman... ... olive skin, green eyes, snakes for hair.
But I had to break it off with her because she was constantly objectifying me. - My doctor wrote me a prescription for "dailysex"... But the wife had to break it to me that it was actually for "dyslexia".
- What's the hardest part breaking up with a Japanese girlfriend? You have to drop the bomb on her twice before she gets it.
- My girlfriend said, I am breaking up with you because of your addiction of wearing a different t-shirt every half an hour. I said, Wait! I can change.
- So Daffy Duck and Elmer Fudd break into a distillery. Daffy turns to Elmer and says: Is this Whiskey? Elmer says: Yeth but not as whiskey as wobbing a bank!!
- Breaking news: Germany is advising people to stock up on sausages and cheese. This is starting to look like the Wurst Käse scenario.
- Yo Momma is so fat... When she's walking down the street, cops driving by scream out, "Hey you two --break it up!"
- BREAKING: The US Senate has unanimously approved a bill that would make Daylight Savings Time permanent! If you ask me, it's about time!
- My girlfriend got a boob job, but I don't know how to break it to her that I find it makes her less attractive Traditionally women tend to get both done
Taking A Break Jokes
Here is a list of funny taking a break jokes and even better taking a break puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Why did the bird take a break from singing on the first day of spring? It needed some beak-ause!
- How did the summer solstice break a world record? It went the longest day without taking a nap!
- Q: Why should blondes not be given coffee breaks? A: It takes too long to retrain them.
- Maybe the ChatGPT servers are just taking a break to meditate and clear their electronic minds.
- How many germans does it take to change a lightbulb? None.
German lightbulbs are very high quality and never break. - The chemistry professor says to his students: "There's deadly gas in this bottle. What steps do we take in case it breaks?"
"Fast steps" - "Officer, what can you tell us about the break in at the bakery today?" "Man I've seen all kinds of thieves in my career, but this one takes the cake"
- Breaking News: Coup Underway - Trump takes control of senate and declares martial law! Oh wait... That was Palpatine.
False alarm. - Breaking: governor Greg Abbott halts all commerce in the state of Texas The governor has stated he is committed to stopping all "trans actions" no matter what form they may take
- How many union workers does it take to screw in a light bulb? Doesn't matter.
They're all on break.
*I'll show myself out*
Ice Break Jokes
Here is a list of funny ice break jokes and even better ice break puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What if aliens are responsible for global warming? And this is just their way of breaking the ice.
- How much does the average introvert weigh? Not enough to break the ice.
- Why did the snowman enroll in a dance class on the winter solstice? It wanted to "break the ice" on the dance floor.
- Why did the snowman invite the sun to the winter solstice party? To melt the ice and break the ice!
- Why do you have to nuke siberia twice? The first one is just to break the ice.
- Why should one not talk about Titanic with a stranger? Because it can't break the ice
- Do you know how many hydrogen bonds I can disrupt? (Chemistry pick-up line) Enough to break the ice, how's it going?
- Whenever I meet someone for the first time, I avoid telling Titanic jokes because they're terrible at breaking the ice.
- Why are narwhals good at meeting new friends? They are very good at breaking the ice.
- I thought I'd start off with a joke about The Titanic - just to break the ice.
Break The Ice Jokes
Here is a list of funny break the ice jokes and even better break the ice puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What would be a great way to break the ice? An undead dragon
- Why did the introvert walk around the pond? Because they didn't want to break the ice
- Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton are on a frozen lake. They weren't talking so I decided to go over and break the ice.
- Why are penguins socially awkward? Because they can't break the ice.
- What caused the ice cream truck to break down? a rocky road
- I'm kinda like Titanic when it comes to meeting people Not that great at breaking the ice
- Why did the introvert walk around the frozen lake? Because he didn't wanna break the ice
- Why is it hard to make friends in Antarctica? Because you can't break the ice.
- What game do two strangers with Social Anxiety play? Don't Break the Ice
- How heavy is a polar bear? Heavy enough to break the Ice.
Spring Break Jokes
Here is a list of funny spring break jokes and even better spring break puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What's the best part about clown college spring break? Everybody can go to Daytona Beach in one car
- Why did the sun break up with the winter and start dating the spring equinox? Because it was tired of its cold attitude and wanted someone who could really 'light' up its life!
- I wish labor day was 9 months after spring break
- What do most people look forward to but most mattresses fear? Spring Break
- Before I get into Spring Break traffic, I cover my car in Mucinex... It really thins out the congestion.
- What is a bed's least favourite time of year? Spring break.
- What time of the year do big girls jump on trampolines?? Spring break..
- Why wasn't the robot at school for a week? He had a spring break
- Why dont Canadian colleges have spring break First , you need spring.
- What do you call a Calvinist who makes reservations for spring break? predestined
Rib-Tickling Break Jokes that Bring Friends Together
What funny jokes about break you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean blink jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make break pranks.
How can you drop an egg six feet without breaking it?
By dropping it seven feet - it won't break for the first six.
A cowboy takes a break from the range and heads out to LA for a cowboy convention . . .
When he gets to LA, he decides to stop at a local watering hole and grab a beer. He's sitting there in his hat, jeans, and boots, when a woman walks up and sits down beside him.
Woman: Are you a cowboy?
Cowboy: Well yes ma'am, I am.
Woman: Like a real deal cowboy?
Cowboy: I don't know any other kind.
Woman: I've never met a real cowboy before.
Cowboy: Well now you have.
Woman: Well?
Cowboy: Well what?
Woman: Aren't you going to ask what I am?
Cowboy: Well, uh, what are you?
Woman: I'm a lesbian.
Cowboy: A lesb- . . . I don't believe I know what that is.
Woman: It means that I like women. I like to kiss them and touch them and make love to them.
Cowboy: . . . .
The woman gets up and leaves and another woman comes into the bar. She spots the cowboy sitting there with his beer and takes a seat beside him.
Woman: Are you a cowboy?
Cowboy: Well ma'am, I thought I was, but I just found out I'm a lesbian.
harharhar.
Why are ships' portholes round?
So that if they break, water doesn't hit you square in the face.
Man visits a dentist with broken teeth
Dentist.:- how did you manage to break these three teeth. .?
Man:- my wife bakeda bread that was too hard.
Dentist.:- you could have refused to eat it
Man:- that's exactly how this happened...
A man has an appointment with a urologist.
The man is sitting on the examination table when the Urologist walks in. The urologist glances at the man's medical history, makes a few notes and then says: "Look, I hate to break it to you, but you have to stop m**...."
The man frowns and says, "Why, Doc?"
The urologist responds: "So I can examine you."
I used to date a girl with a lazy eye. I had to break up with her.
She was seeing somebody on the side.
So a finch asks his mother...
"Mom, why does my beak look different than yours?"
She replies, "Well son, I hate to break it to you, but you're adapted."
Barack Obama is having a race with Joe Biden around the white house.
After finishing the race Obama says "Whew, just under 10 minutes. Did I break the record?"
Biden replies "No, Bush did 9:11."
My girlfriend threatened to break up with me
She said, "You act so childish whenever I'm around. Now, it's either 'your mom' jokes or me."
I said, "And I, like so many men before me, will eagerly choose your mom."
Three burglars break into a building and are confronted by a soldier, a cop, and a politician.
The politician tells the soldier to kill Burglar #1, and the two stab each other to death.
The politician then tells the cop to arrest Burglar #2, and the two beat each other unconscious.
The politician then walks up to Burglar #3 and says "I just saved your life, your freedom, and tripled your share of the loot. I think 20% is a fair cut."
Roosevelt, Churchill and Stalin are taking a coffee break in Yalta...
Churchill takes out a small black notebook and starts writing something down.
"Taking notes?", Roosevelt asks.
"No," Churchill says, "I heard a new political joke about myself this morning. I collect all jokes about myself. I already have over 100 in this notebook."
"How funny," Stalin says. "I collect all jokes about myself too."
"Oh, really?" Churchill says. "So how many have you got?"
"Three prison camps so far."
Hey girl, are you the SAT?
Because I'd do you for 3 hours and 45 minutes, with a 10 minute break in between for snacks. Then I'd stare at you for another 5-10 minutes thinking, "Wow, I really hope I don't screw this up."
BREAKING NEWS!! Cheese Factory e**......
De-Brie is everywhere!
My buddy just came to me all depressed and said My son flunked the third grade, and I just don't know how to break it to him.
So I said well…probably better tell him pretty slowly, so the little d**... will get it."
Why I Joined the Air Force
The DOD was conducting an all service briefing and the leader posed this question.
What would you do if you found a scorpion in your tent?
A sailor said, I'd step on it.
A soldier said, I'd squash it with my boot.
A marine said, I'd catch it, break the stinger off, and eat it.
An Airman said. I'd call room service and find out why there's a tent in my room.
11 Blondes and a brunette
There are 12 people hanging onto a rope that comes down from an airplane. 11 of them are blonde, and one is a brunette. They all decide that one person should get off because if they don't, the rope will break and everyone will die. No one can decide who should go, so finally the brunette delivers a very touching speech, ending with the words, "I'll get off." The blondes, all moved by the brunette's speech, start clapping. Problem solved.
I had to break up with my cross-eyed girlfriend...
Apparently, she was seeing someone else on the side.
Breaking News: A movie theatre has just been robbed of over two thousand dollars
The theives took a large soda and two bags of popcorn
Why is it so hard to break up with a Japanese Girl?
You have to drop the Bomb twice before she gets the Message.
My friend just came to me all depressed because his kid's failing 3rd grade, and he doesn't know how to break it to him.
Apparently slowly wasn't the advice he was looking for.
Breaking News: In a press media briefing, United Airlines CEO Oscar Munoz has stated...
"Since we cannot beat our competitors, we have resorted to beating our customers".
Husband takes his wife to a disco.
Husband takes his wife to a disco. There's a guy on the dance floor dancing like a king –moonwalking, break dancing, head spins, the works. The wife turns to her husband and sighs: "You see that man? 25 years ago he asked me to marry him and I said no."
Husband says: "Yep, it looks like he's still celebrating!!"
I went to the liquor store on my bike the other day to get some v**...
But I was afraid that I would fall of my bike on my way home and break the bottle, so I drank the entire bottle before I went home. Which ended up being a good thing since I fell of my bike 7 times on my way home
So a prison break was happening...
And I happened to be walking around when it happened. It had a huge wall, and I saw someone climbing down from it. Turns out I knew the guy, he's a famous midget con artist that I ratted out. As he climbed down, he gave me this wretched look.
It was a little condescending.
Did you hear about the crematorium employee who took a nap on a gurney during his break?
He got fired for sleeping on the job.
Bad luck
Beer Bottle: You break me, you get 1 year of bad luck!
Mirror: You kiddin' me? You break me, then y'all get 7 years bad luck.
*c**... walks in laughing*
Break a mirror, 7 years of bad luck.
Break a c**..., your bad luck will probably outlive you.
A penguin falls asleep on an iceberg,...
When he wakes up, he finds himself encased in ice, floating in the middle of the ocean. To his fortune, he spots the horn of a narwhal close by. Thanking his lucky stars, he calls out to him. The narwhal comes and the penguin asks "Thank goodness you're around, Mr. Narwhal. Could you break the ice?". The narwhal stares at him for a bit.
"Ok, so what are your hobbies?"
I had a breakthrough today and got in touch with my inner self.
That's the last time I use cheap toilet paper.
The way to a man's heart is through his stomach...
...that way, you don't have to break open that s**... ribcage.
I rode to the liquor store yesterday on my bicycle...
I bought a bottle of r**... and put it in the bicycle basket.
As I was about to leave I thought for a moment. If I fall off the bicycle, the bottle might break.
To avoid that, I drank all of the r**... before I left the store.
It turned out to be a very good decision, because I fell off the bike seven times on my way home
i went to the liquor store on my bike.
i went to the liquor store on my bike and bought a bottle v**... and put it in the basket on the front...then it occoured to me that if i fall or something happens then the bottle might break. so i drank it all right there and its a good thing i did cause i fell 7 times on the way home
apparently this was posted before...i had no idea. a friend sent me a voice recording of someone telling it and i posted it ..sorry
My girlfriend texted me that the relationship cannot continue because I played too much video games.
Looks like it was my Destiny 2 break up with her.
I came up with this joke during lunch break: What do you call a jewish obstacle course?
Shlalom
I went to the local liquor store on my bicycle the other day
I bought a nice bottle of scotch and put it in my basket.. I was afraid that if I fell over the bottle might break so instead of risking it I drank the bottle right there.
Turned out to be a smart thing to do because I must have fallen 12 times on my short way back home..
I had to break up with my girlfriend. She was a necromancer.
She wanted us to raise a family together.
Santa and Mrs. Claus have decided to break up
However, finding a divorce lawyer at the North Pole is next to impossible, so instead they got a semicolon.
They're great at separating independent Clauses.
A schoolboy rescues President Trump
A schoolboy walking home from school see Donald Trump* drowning in a pond. He dives him and saves him.
The president is very grateful and offers him a gift as a reward.
"All I want is a wheelchair" says the boy.
A wheelchair? Why do you need a wheelchair? the president asks.
Well, the boy explains, when my old man finds out I rescued you from drowning, he's gonna break both my legs.
*(
My girlfriend said I believe in you and it made me happy.
But then I realised she had just affected a culturally inappropriate Jamaican accent to break the news that she was moving out.
A beer bottle, a mirror, and a c**... are all talking to each other....
Beer Bottle: You break me, you get 1 year of bad luck!
Mirror: You kiddin' me? You break me, then y'all get 7 years bad luck!
c**...: Hahaha... (c**... walks off laughing)
Guitar
The only time you can break a g string while f**... a minor without getting arrested.
I went to the liquor store on my bicycle and bought a bottle v**..., put it in the basket on the front and then it occurred to me that if I fall or something happens, the bottle might break, so I drank it all right there and it's a good thing I did...
...'cause I fell 7 times on the way home...
Her: I want to break up. For starters, I'm sick of your terrible jokes.
Him: Ok. And for the main course?
A guy takes his wife out for the night and they end up at a disco where there's a guy on the dance floor giving it large – break dancing, moonwalking, back flips, every dance move going...
The wife turns to her husband and says, See that guy on the dance floor? 25 years ago he proposed to me and I turned him down.
The husband replies, It looks like he's still celebrating.
How many hearts can the Belgium football team break at once?
About a brazilian...
At breakfast, a man asked his wife What would you do I if won the lottery? She replied, I'd take half, and then leave you.
Great, he said I won $12 yesterday. Here's $6. Stay in touch.
Breaking news just in. A cement mixer has collided with a prison van on the highway,
Motorists are asked to be on the lookout for 16 hardened criminals
"This is the hardest part of our job," said the police officer after Adam was pronounced dead in the accident.
"Yeah, but break the news slowly. His wife is a very sensitive person."
The police officer knocks on the door and Adam's wife opens it.
"Are you Adam's widow?" said the police.
Last night I rode my bike to the liquor store
... and bought a bottle of whisky. I put the bottle in the bike basket but before riding back I thought: what if I fall down for some reason? The bottle will break! So I drank the whole bottle of whisky before riding home.
And thank God I did, because I must have fallen down about a dozen times before I got home.
Two thieves break into a house. Once inside, they sneak into the master bedroom and tie up the n**... woman they find in there.
A startled, n**..., man comes out of the bathroom, sees what's happening and says, "Please, please, take whatever you want, I will even give you the combination to my safe. Just, please, untie her and let her go."
The thieves were surprised by how heartfelt the pleas from the man were. One of them says, "Wow, you must really love your wife in order to beg like that."
The man replies, "I do, and she will be home any minute!"
BREAKING: North Korean leader in a vegetative state following surgery.
They've begun calling him Kim Jong Un-Responsive
Guys I really want to break up with my Jazz musician girlfriend but I can't
The Sax is too good
When my girlfriend and I break up and she screws 10 guys, she's an "empowered woman"
But when I do it I'm "gay".
Breaking News: Local Kindergarten reports major Peek-a-Boo accident.
All involved were rushed to the ICU
A husband and a wife over their marriage had eight kids.One day the husband notices that their sixth kid, Billy, looks very different from the other seven.
The husband goes to his wife and asks her, Honey, I noticed that Billy looks different from the other children, did you have an affair?
The wife starts to break down into tears and nods her head.
The husband, heartbroken, quietly asks his wife, So who is Billy's father?
You.
There were these two blonds and they locked their keys in their car...
The one blonde says to the other, "What do we do? Do we get a coat hanger and pick the lock?"
The other one replied, "No, people will think we're trying to break in."
The other one said, "Well do we get a knife and cut the rubber and pop the lock?"
The other one answered," No, people will think we're too s**... to use the coat hanger."
The other one said, "Well we better think of something quick because it's starting to rain and the sunroof is open."
"Boy, I'm scared," a man said to one of his friends,
"I got a
letter from a guy who said he'd break my legs if I didn't stop
seeing his wife." "Well," replied his friend, "I guess you'll
have to stop seeing his wife." "Easy for you to say," the first
guy said. "You like her that much?" the friend asked. "It's not
that," declared the man, "He didn't sign his name."
How do you break up a fight between 2 blind men?
Yell out: 'My money is on the one with a knife...'
BREAKING NEWS: A man was presented into the ER after shoving 6 plastic horses up his a**......
Doctors say that his condition is stable.
At breakfast, the wife asks her husband What would you do if I won the Lotto?
He says, I'd take my half and leave you.
She says, "Great. Here's $6, I won $12 yesterday! Stay in touch.
Mike Tyson said he was going to convert me to atheism
At least I'm pretty sure that's what he meant by "I'm gonna break your faith!"
BREAKING NEWS ! Mary Poppins will no longer be endorsing 'Rimmel Vibrant Shades' lipstick - she claims it breaks too easily and it makes her breath smell .
She gave the following statement:
The super colour fragile lipstick gives me halitosis ..
My friend was telling me about a salmon that could break into safes...
Turned out to be a lox myth.
Two blind men.
This morning I had to break up a fight on the sidewalk. Two blind men going at it with their canes.
I said: "Break it up guys,What the h**... is going on here!"
Blind man 1:"You owe me fifty dollars!"
Blind man 2: "I don't understand what the h**... his problem is!, I told YOU! ,"I WILL PAY YOU THE NEXT TIME I SEE YOU!"
