Bread Jokes
186 bread jokes and hilarious bread puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about bread that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Need a break from the same old bread recipes? Check out this hilarious collection of bread jokes. From classic loaves to exotic naan bread, you can find a joke for every type of bread. So, freshen up your bread pun game today with these bread jokes!
Quick Jump To
- Short Bread Jokes
- Bread One Liners
- Loaf Of Bread Jokes
- Loaf Bread Jokes
- Naan Bread Jokes
- Toasted Bread Jokes
- Banana Bread Jokes
- More Bread Jokes
Funniest Bread Short Jokes
Short bread jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The bread humour may include short toast jokes also.
- I went to the zoo and saw a baguette in the cage Zookeeper said it was bread in captivity
- Andrew Tate arrested in Romania after a pizza box showed he was in the country. Police arrested him within 30 minutes As any longer would mean they had to give him a free garlic bread.
- TIL in germany when someone is diagnosed with coeliac disease other coeliacs will chase and try and hit them with bread to make them feel welcomed. It's called gluten tag.
- At the zoo I noticed a slice of toast in one of the enclosures. I asked the keeper, 'How did that toast get into the cage?'
'It was bread in captivity' she replied. - A computer programmer goes to buy some bread. On his way out, his wife says, "and while you're there, get a carton of eggs".
He never returned. - I've lost a lot of weight just by wearing bread on my head. It's a new loaf hat diet I'm trying.
- I can't take my dog to the pond anymore because the ducks keep attacking him.. Guess that's what I get for buying a pure bread dog...
- Did you guys know that the Soviet Union made the best bread in history? People would wait days in line for a single piece
- I went to the zoo today and there were 2 baguettes in a cage The sign said they were bread in captivity.
- Inventor displays the first knife ever. His friend, "that's the greatest invention since bread"
Inventor, "well I'm about to blow your mind"
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Bread One Liners
Which bread one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with bread? I can suggest the ones about rice and burger.
- I asked my Indian neighbors if he had any bread I could use. He said Sorry, I have naan.
- What do you call a game where Germans throw bread at each other Gluten tag
- What do you call bread from India? It's Naan of your business.
- My wife attacked me with a baguette She's been charged for assault with a breadly weapon
- Why did the man get sick after eating a loaf of bread? He overdoughsed.
- Why do all hotdogs look the same? Because they are in bread.
- My dad's bread factory burnt down Now his business is toast
- My 11 y/o brother told me this What is pickle bread before its baked?
Dill dough - What do you call 52 slice of bread? A deck of carbs!
- Is it acceptable to dip bread into a curry? Asking for my naan.
- What do you call a red-haired baker? The ginger bread man
- I like my butter how I like my family In bread.
- Where is the most conflict in a loaf of bread? The middle yeast
- Did you hear about the incestuous hotdogs? They say they're in bread.
- Bread is a lot like the sun.. It rises in the yeast and sets in the waist.
Loaf Of Bread Jokes
Here is a list of funny loaf of bread jokes and even better loaf of bread puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- A programmer's wife A programmer's wife says: "go to the store and get a loaf of bread. If they have eggs, get a dozen."
He returns with 12 loaves of bread. - What do you call a gay loaf of bread? A faguette
^^^^I ^^^^just ^^^^made ^^^^this ^^^^up ^^^^and ^^^^I'm ^^^^so ^^^^proud - I just bought a knife that can cut 8 pieces of bread at once. It's a four loaf cleaver.
- Zoo... I went to the zoo and saw a loaf in a cage.
A sign read: "Bread in captivity." - A programmer heads to the shops His wife says "grab a loaf of bread and if they have eggs get a dozen"
He comes home with twelve loaves of bread. - A programmers wife tells him... A programmers wife tells him: Run to the store and get a loaf of bread. If they have eggs, get a dozen.
The programmer comes back with 12 loaves of bread... - I recently lost lots of weight by placing bread on my head. The loaf hat diet
- A German is in the supermarket when he passes by a loaf of bread and greets it It had a gluten tag.
- What did Bob Marley say when he put his hand in the bread bin? Is this loaf that I'm feeling?
- I don't hate bread I loaf it 🍞
Loaf Bread Jokes
Here is a list of funny loaf bread jokes and even better loaf bread puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What do you call an extremely flamboyant loaf of bread? A faggette
- Guy walks into a bakery and sees a green loaf of bread and asks the baker how he made it Baker says "Avocadough"
- What's the Indian way of saying 'Bread of Heaven'? Is it:
A) Holy Loaf
B) Sacred Baguette
Or C) Naan of the above - Subway A restaurant that managed to convince everyone that eating an entire loaf of bread is healthy.
- You are like the end piece of a loaf of bread Everybody touches you but nobody actually wants you.
- A programmer's wife tells him to buy a loaf of bread, she also said that if there are eggs, get a dozen The programmer returns home with 12 loaves of bread.
- a caring mother makes her son loafs of bread shaped like batman, to make his sandwiches fun every time. guess what happens when it's in the oven? the dark knight rises.
- Miracle? They say Jesus fed 5,000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread. That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
- I saw a man dragging a loaf of bread along the floor so I asked him: 'What breed is it?' He replied: 'It's pure bread.'
- You can lose weight by putting sliced bread on your head. It's a loaf-hat-diet.
Naan Bread Jokes
Here is a list of funny naan bread jokes and even better naan bread puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Indian restaurants make most of their money off of the bread.. They're naan-profit organizations.
- If you make money selling Indian bread... You run a Naan Profit Organization.
- What do you call a Hindu who rejects the gods and prays to a slice of bread? A Naan Believer.
- Two bakers were trying to have a talk about leavened Indian breads... The topic was a naan-starter.
- TIL that the Hindi word for "penny" is derived from the word for bread, as in the ancient Indus valley, small and dense pieces of bread were used as currency Sounds like a bunch of naan-cents to me
- ME AS AN INDIAN RESTAURANT WAITER: I can show you how we make our bread, but I'll need to you sign a Naan-Disclosure Agreement first.
- Last time I went to the Indian restaurant, they forgot to give me bread... But I didn't complain, since it was a naan-issue.
- I asked my Indian neighbour if i could have some bread He had naan
- Today I went to an Indian restaurant and asked for bread They told me they had naan.
- Tried to order bread at an Indian restaurant They told me they had naan left
Toasted Bread Jokes
Here is a list of funny toasted bread jokes and even better toasted bread puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Two slices of bread got married. The ceremony was going quite well until someone decided to toast the bride and groom.
- A toast Wife at the dinner table: Please toast some bread for me.
The lazy husband raised his wine glass and said, "To bread." - Just back from the zoo. Saw a slice of toast lying in one of the enclosures. It was bread in captivity.
- I went to the zoo and saw a piece of toast in a cage. The sign said "Bread in captivity".
- I put some big, giant, large, massive, enormous, huge bread in the toaster. I was making synonym toast.
- Toast at a Wedding "May you live as long as you want and not want for as long as you live." That's an Irish toast.
"Cinnamon, eggs, bread, and maple syrup." That's a French toast. - My bread factory burned down. Now my business is toast.
- My Gran fell asleep last night with a cigarette in her hand. That woman was the best thing since sliced bread. Now she's toast.
- What do you call toast in a cage? Bread in captivity.
- What do you call a person who gets mad when they don't have bread? Lack toast intolerant
Banana Bread Jokes
Here is a list of funny banana bread jokes and even better banana bread puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What's the craziest type of bread? Banana Nut Bread!
Experience Good Cheer with Hilarious Bread Jokes and Friends
What funny jokes about bread you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean cakes jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make bread pranks.
A programmer
goes to do groceries. His wife tell him:
-- Buy a loaf of bread, and if they have eggs, buy a dozen.
He comes back with thirteen loaves of bread.
-- But why?, she asks.
-- They had eggs.
Collection of my favorite Latvian Jokes.
* Man is hungry. He steal bread to feed family. Get home, find all family have gone Siberia! More bread for me, man think. But bread have worm.
* Man car break down near house of farmer. Take shelter in barn. Find farmer daughter in barn. Oh! Hot stuff! But TOO LATE! Is already r**... by soldier.
* Latvian walk into bar with mule. Bartender say, Why so long face? Latvian say, I was thinking of my daughter. She has been lie with soldier for potato feed baby.
* Three Latvian are brag about sons. My son is soldier. He have r**... as many women as want, say first Latvian. Zo? second say, My son is farmer. He have all potato he want! Third Latvian wait long time, then say, My son is die at birth. For him, struggle is over. Wow! You are win us, say others. But all are feel sad.
* Q : What are one potato say other potato? A : Premise ridiculous. Who have two potato?
* Q : How many Latvian is take screw in light bulb? A : 25. One screw in, 24 ride bicycle generator for 1-hour shift. But time probably better spend search food.
* Q: What is happening if you cross Latvian and potato? A: This is cruel joke. please, no more.
Everyone thinks..
Everyone thinks Jesus is soooo good, feeding an army with 3 loaves of bread and a fish.
h**...'s not such a bad guy, he made 6 million jews toast.
A Kentucky Fried Chicken lobbyist meets with the Pope.
He offers a donation of ten million dollars to the church if the Pope agrees to change the words in the Lord's Prayer from give us this day our daily bread to give us this day our daily chicken
The Pope apologizes and says he is not interested.
100 million dollars , says the KFC rep.
Again the Pope shakes his head and explains that these words are sacred.
One billion dollars. This is our final offer.
After some consideration of the sum of the donation that the church is about to receive, the Pope reluctantly agrees to the deal. He then returned to the Vatican and called a meeting of all the Cardinals.
I have good news and bad news, the Pontiff said. The good news is, I have managed to secure a donation of one billion dollars to our church. The bad news is, we've lost the Wonder Bread account.
Raisin Bread
A baker hires a young female assistant who likes to wear very short skirts and a thong. One day a young man enters the store, glances at the assistant and then at the loaves of bread behind the counter. Noticing the length of her skirt and the location of the raisin bread, he has a brilliant idea. "I'd like some raisin bread please," the man says politely. The girl nods and climbs up a ladder to reach the raisin bread, which is located on the very top shelf. The young man, standing almost directly beneath her, gets an excellent view just as he planned. Once she comes down he says he should get two loaves, as he is having company for dinner. As the girl retrieves the second loaf of bread, one of the other male customers notices what is going on. Thinking quickly, he requests his own loaf of raisin bread so he can continue to enjoy the view. With each trip up the ladder, the young lady seems to catch the eye of another male customer. Pretty soon, each male customer is asking for raisin bread, just to see her climb up and down. After many trips she is tired, irritated and thinking that she is really going to have to try the bread herself. Finally, once again atop the ladder, she stops and fumes, glaring at the men standing below. She notices an elderly man standing amongst the crowd, staring up at her. Thinking to save herself a trip, she yells at the elderly man: "Is it raisin for you, too?" "No," stammers the old man: "but it's quivering a bit!"
A duck walks into a bar...
Duck: Got any bread?
Barman: No mate, this is a bar
Duck: Got any bread ?
Barman: No I've told you, we don't have bread here!
Duck: Got any bread?
Barman: Look, if you ask me that again I'm going to nail your beak to the bar.
Duck: Got any nails?
Barman: No.
Duck: Got any bread?
Man visits a dentist with broken teeth
Dentist.:- how did you manage to break these three teeth. .?
Man:- my wife bakeda bread that was too hard.
Dentist.:- you could have refused to eat it
Man:- that's exactly how this happened...
A Software Programmer is going to the store.....
His wife says "get a loaf of bread, and if they have eggs, get a dozen."
The guy comes back with 12 loaves of bread.
His wife says "why did you get so much bread?"
He says, "they had eggs.
Jesus at Last Supper
*breaks bread* This is my body
*pours wine* This is my blood
*opens jar of mayo*...
Judas: I'm gonna stop u right there
A wife sends her programmer husband to the grocery store for a loaf of bread...
On his way out she says "and if they have eggs, get a dozen". The programmer husband returns home with 12 loaves of bread....
A programmer went to go grocery shopping.
A programmer went to go grocery shopping. He called his wife and asked what was needed.
His wife said: "You need to get 2 loaves of bread. Oh, and also, if there's eggs, buy a dozen."
So he came home with a dozen loaves of bread.
A woman asks her husband, a programmer, to go shopping.
Wife: Dear, please, go to the nearby grocery store to buy some bread. Also, if they have eggs, buy 6.
Husband: O.K., hun.
Twenty minutes later the husband comes back bringing 6 loaves of bread. His wife is flabbergasted.
Wife: Dear, why on earth did you buy 6 loaves of bread?
Husband: They had eggs.
My grandpa would always tell me...
that when he was growing up, in rural Texas, his momma would give him $1 and send him down to the store. He'd come back with 2 loaves of bread, half a gallon of milk, a carton of eggs, and a pound of pork. He says you can't do that now-a-days, way too many security cameras.
When German children play a game involving touching each other with bread...
it's called gluten tag.
I'll show myself out.
Jesus Christ fed 2,000 people with 5 loaves of bread and 2 fish
But h**... made 6,000,000 jews toast
How many feminists does it take to make a sandwich?
12
One to make the sandwich,
One to excoriate men for creating hunger,
One to blame men for inventing such a laborious recipe,
One to suggest the whole "putting meat in between two non-consenting flaps of bread" bit to be too "r**...-like",
One to deconstruct the Bologna sausage itself as being p**...,
One to blame men for not making the sandwich,
One to blame men for trying to make the sandwich instead of letting a woman do it,
One to blame men for creating a society that discourages women from eating,
One to blame men for creating a society where women make too many sandwiches,
One to advocate that sandwich makers should have wage parity with Michelin star chefs,
One to alert the media that women are now "out-sandwiching" men,
And one to take pictures for her blog for photo-evidence that men are unnecessary.
A programmer goes on a walk
A programmer goes on a walk. Before he leaves the house his wife tells him: "While you are outside, please buy some bread."
He never returned.
Jesus holds up the bread...
Jesus holds up the bread and says, "This is my body."
Next, Jesus hold up the wine and says, "This is my blood."
After that, Jesus holds up the mayonnaise and Peter says, "That's enough!"
An Indian man is at home...
An Indian man is at home, cooking for his family. He is a very wealthy scientist, so he was able to purchase a tandoor. Tonight he decides to break it in. As he takes his bread out, he notices something strange. It almost falls apart in his hands. As he gets it on the plate, it turns into a viscous liquid. Amazed, he began trying to figure out what this was. After several minutes of keeping his family waiting, he let's out an audible "Aha!" He then proceeds to slam his fist onto the bread. Miraculously, the bread held together and almost seemed to form a solid.
"Just as I thought." He says.
"A Naan-Newtonian Fluid."
I asked my grandfather for twenty dollars.
"Twenty dollars?!" he said. "For what?"
"To buy groceries," I told him.
"When I was a boy," my grandfather said. "My mama would give me one dollar, just *one dollar*, and I'd go to the store and come home with two loaves of bread, two sacks of potatoes, a carton of eggs, three bottles of milk, a can of coffee and a box of tea."
He shrugged and paused.
"Times have changed and ya can't do that now," he told me. "Too many f**...' security cameras."
My girlfriend wanted a marriage just like a fairy tale...
I gave her some bread crumbs and left her in the forest.
A man goes to the dentist with some broken teeth...
The dentist asks the man what happened, to which the man responds saying:
"My wife cooked some chicken and roti (Indian flatbread) but the bread was very hard and stiff."
The dentist replied: "You should have told her the bread was too hard and refused to eat it"
To which the man responds:
"Man, that's exactly what I did!"
(A joke originally told to me by my grandfather in Urdu)
A programmer's wife sends him to the store and says get some bread, and
while you're there pick up some eggs.
The programmer never returns.
What direction did the pirate go to get his bread??
Yeast!!
A computer programmer's wife sends her husband to the store.
She says, "Buy a loaf of bread. If they have eggs, get a dozen."
An hour later, he returns home with twelve loaves of bread. She asks,
"Why did you get twelve loaves of bread?" Her husband replies,
"Because they had eggs."
My wife came home with four cases of beer, three boxes of wine, two bottles of whiskey and two loaves of bread.
"Are we expecting guests?" I asked.
"No," she replied.
"Then why did you buy so much bread?"
Jesus fed 2000 Jews fish and bread.
h**... made 6 million Jews toast.
Jesus and the disciples are at the last supper...
Jesus holds up a piece of bread and says, "This is my body."
Then he holds up a cup of wine, saying," This is my blood."
Then he holds up a jar of mayonnaise and Peter says, "Let me stop you right there, Jesus."
(Original) What do Jesus Christ and Communism have in common?
They both fed 5,000 people with five loaves of bread and two fish.
How do you start an Ethiopian rave?
Tape a piece of bread to the ceiling.
Soviet Breadline
At one of USSR's breadlines during the Perestroika, a man in the crowd is mumbling to himself. "No bread, no milk, no meat, what a shame".
Two policemen walking the beat hearing his mumbling walk up to him, and say:
"Comrade, if you said that 40 years ago you'd be shot, so just shut up and stand in line like everybody else"
As the policemen leave, the man turns back to the crowd and says:
"Not only we don't have bread or milk, but I was just told we ran out of bullets too."
Does anyone else feel that white bread is superior?
Or am I just breadjudiced?
Perfect day for a dad joke. Happy Fathers Day, folks!
A guy walks into a bakery
He buys bread, and the baker asks if he'd like his bread bagged in paper or plastic. The guy replies, "Baguette however you want".
What's the difference between imitation bread and the Canadian prime minister?
One is fake dough, the other is Trudeau.
In which part of the bread factory do lobsters work?
The crust station.
A wife sends her programmer husband to the store for bread.
As he's leaving, she says, "if they have eggs, get a dozen."
He comes home with 12 loaves of bread
Jesus fed a 100 people bread
h**... made 6 million jews toast
I went to the zoo today and saw a bagel locked up in a cage.
Apparently it was bread in captivity.
If Italian bread is Italian bread, and French bread is French bread, what do you call southern bread
i**...
A guy starts his first day at a bakery...
The boss says, "We're a healthy, whole-food bakery, so we put vegetables in every type of bread that we make." He shows the new guy to the back room, where there are rows of file cabinets with pictures of vegetables on them.
"Here's where we keep the carrot dough," the boss says, opening a file drawer with a picture of a carrot on it. "And here's the zucchini dough."
"But what's this one with the picture of Kevin Spacey on it?" The new guy asks.
"Oh," the boss responds, "That's the pea dough file."
Why do Catholics make the best Communists?
They're fine with standing in line for bread.
The soviet union actually made the best bread in the world.
People would stand in line for days just to get a piece of it.
"Back in the day," my grandfather started to say,
"you could walk into a grocery store with 2 dollars in your pocket, and walk out with a loaf of bread, a dozen eggs, and a bit of butter as well."
"But today," he continued, "wherever you go - there are cameras."
Two homeless dudes sit on a park bench
One askes the other: Did you bring bread for the pigeons?
The other replies: No, I eat them without the bread.
Why is h**... a better person than Jesus Christ?
Jesus Christ fed 2000 jews with 5 loaves of bread, while h**... made 6 million Jews toast
Did you know that the USSR had some of the world's best bakeries?
People would stand in line all week just to get a single slice of bread!
You order one pizza
You love it.
Next time you order a pizza and a garlic bread.
Before you know it, your eating pizzas for every meal, and you get withdrawal symptoms if you don't get one.
That's the domino effect.
During the annual cavemen conference ...
Greg : so I kept rubbing this rock against another rock until it became very thin and now I can cut vegetables,meat using this . I call this "The Knife" .
Chief Gogo : wow , I thought no-one can beat Gorg's invention of using wheat flour and water to create a new food called "bread" but yours is a worthy contender
Greg " that's not it ,chief "
And then places a piece of bread on the stone and takes the knife in his hand
" What I'm about to do will blow your mind " .
A programmer and his wife are reviewing their grocery list.
She says, We're out of bread. Please go the grocery store and buy one. And if they've got eggs, get six.
After a while, he's back with six loaves of bread.
The wife asks, Why did you buy 6 loaves of bread?
He replies, They had eggs.
The head of KFC called the Pope
He said, "I'll give you a million dollars to change the Lord's prayer to give us our daily chicken."
The Pope said no and hung up.
KFC called back and offered 10 million.
The Pope said no and hung up.
KFC called back and offered 100 million.
The Pope said, "You have a deal!"
The Pope got all the churches big wigs together and said, "I have good news and bad news. Good news is, we are 100 million richer. Bad news is, we lost the Wonder Bread account.
A tourist in London was throwing bread to some ducks in a pond...
when a local woman approached him looking rather upset. She asked him how he could throw bread in the water for ducks when there were starving children in Africa? Wasn't it obvious that they could use that bread more than the ducks?
The man stood there for a short moment and responded to the woman saying, "I'm sorry ma'am, but I can't throw that far."
Just been to get a loaf of bread at a cost of £1.03 and gave the grumpy looking girl at the till a £20 note.
She said "have you got anything smaller as that would take all my change."
I said "no sorry but I can pay on card if that helps?"
She sarcastically said " of course it would help"
So as a presented my card she said "Cash back?"
I said "Yes please!"
"How much?" She asked
I said "£18.97"
I had this friend named Leonardo. We called him Lee. Anyway, he didn't have alot of money. In fact, he was basically broke...
So one day he stole some bread because he was starving and couldn't buy food. He was caught and sentenced to death. It's really not that funny, but this joke was poor Lee executed.
What do people from Alabama have in common with yeast?
They're both in bread
I went to the zoo and saw a baguette in a cage
I guess you could say it was bread in captivity
Drunks
Drunk guy: "Here's hoping you're in Heaven ten minutes before
the devil knows you're dead!"
Drunk girl: "What's that mean?"
Drunk guy: "It's an Irish toast."
Drunk girl: "Oh. Well, here's to bread, eggs and cinnamon."
Drunk guy: "Huh?"
Drunk girl: "That's
