Brazilian Jokes
123 brazilian jokes and hilarious brazilian puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about brazilian that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Filled with Brazilian culture and a humorous twist, this article explores the popular Brazilian jokes about Argentina and other expressions related to Brazilian wax, Brazilian jiu jitsu and Brazillion. Find out what these jokes are and their origins in Portuguese-speaking countries.
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Funniest Brazilian Short Jokes
Short brazilian jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The brazilian humour may include short brazilian wax jokes also.
- "Mr. President, two Brazilian soldiers were killed yesterday in Iraq." "Oh my god... How many is a Brazilian?"
- Why are there no coups in the US? It is the only country without a US embassy.
(heard from a Brazilian friend) - A blonde and a brunette are discussing the previous night out... The brunette says, "Last night I slept with a Brazilian."
"Oh my god!" the blonde replies. "How many is THAT?" - Why was Portugal the best colonial power? Spain had thousands of colonists, Britain had millions, but Portugal had BRAZILIANS.
- A blond girl turns on the radio and hears that 2 Brazilian men were killed As she starts to cry she asks "How many is a Brazilian?"
- What's the difference between a chickpea and a Brazilian nut? I wouldn't let a chickpea in my mouth.
- Hey did you guys know South America is getting overpopulated? Yea, there's like a brazilian people there.
- I met a girl from El Salvador. I told her she was El salvAdorable... But she said she's heard that a Brazilian times.
- A blonde hears on the news that a bridge collapsed and killed a Brazilian. She gasped, "That's a lot of people!"
- Which country brought the most competitors to the 2018 Winter Olympics? Brazil. They brought 8 Brazilian athletes.
Share These Brazilian Jokes With Friends
Brazilian One Liners
Which brazilian one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with brazilian? I can suggest the ones about and .
- How many hearts can the belgium football team break at once? About a brazilian...
- What does the Brazilian Pikachu say? Zika zika.
- A Brazilian got the first gold medal The police are already after him.
- Did you know a Brazilian wax costs $50? Talk about a rip off
- How many armed men does it take to extort an Olympic athlete? A Brazilian.
- My wife paid $50 for a Brazilian waxing. She said it was a rip-off.
- How many people live in South America? A Brazilian.
- What language do Brazilian Geese speak? Portuguese
- How many gallons can fit inside the world cup? A brazilian
- How many South Americans does it take to cross the Atlantic A Brazilian
- ATTN: Brazilian football fans Don't feel too bad. Your team only lost by a touchdown.
- How many portuguese people can fit on a scooter? A Brazilian
- What is the most populous city in the world? Rio, it has Brazilians.
- What's green and yellow and can't fly? Brazilian soccer players.
- What do you call a Brazilian on a magic carpet? A latin.
Brazilian Wax Jokes
Here is a list of funny brazilian wax jokes and even better brazilian wax puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Waxing Q: Why did the woman refuse to pay for her Brazilian waxing?
A: Because it was a total rip-off. - TIL why it is called a Brazilian wax. Because they cut down the forrest.
- Did you hear about the woman who does bikini waxing? She says she has done about a Brazilian of them!!!!
- Wax Job I have a "friends with benefits" babe who had a Brazilian.
After all her pain and anguish, I hate to tell her it looks like a roasting chicken that is about ten days past the "Sell by" date. - How much does a bikini wax cost? A Brazilian dollars.
- How many hairs get yanked out every time I get a bikini line wax job? Like, a Brazilian.
- In South America, how many women get waxed per year? A Brazilian.
- How does a barber avoid getting hair in his food? By giving her a Brazilian wax first!
Brazilian Soccer Jokes
Here is a list of funny brazilian soccer jokes and even better brazilian soccer puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- If a Brazilian soccer team was stuck in a cave they would be out by now... Because they are good at diving
- What are the odds of USA beating Brazil in soccer? Brazilian to one....
(credit to bill burr's monday morning podcast) - The Brazilian Soccer Team Enough said
Great Brazilian Jokes to Share, Laugh and Enjoy with Friends
What funny jokes about brazilian you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make brazilian pranks.
How much is a Brazilian?
6 because 7-1
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A Brazilian people killed.
One day a man is sitting next to a blond woman who is reading the newspaper.
She is visibly upset while reading a particular article. He can't help but look over and see what she's reading. He sees the headline
"s**... b**... kill two Brazilian men on bus".
He understands why she is upset now, so he strikes up a conversation with her.
She confesses "I have seen these before, but this is getting crazy. I mean, two Brazilian men killed? How many is in a Brazilian again?"
They walk in the bar
A bartender is working at an upscale bar downtown when all of the sudden, an Englishman, a Dane, a Frenchman, a German, a Russian, an American, a Canadian, a Mexican, a Peruvian, a Brazilian, a Colombian, a Chinese, a Japanese, a Korean, 29 different Africans from all different African countries, and an Indian all walk in to the bar.
And the bartender says to them, sorry gentlemen, but you can't come here without a Thai.
^thanks ^SnW
my friend said he would buy me a game on steam if i can come up with a joke based on these subjects. if you guys could help! id be really appreciated! if not i understand this is asking a lot.
Russians,a Small Animal, an American,a Brazilian and a Cruise Ship. thanks in advance for anything any one comes up with!
So George W. Bush is in his office..
when his secretary of defense walks in, "we lost 2 Brazilians in Iraq today."
GW puts his head in his hands looks up very sullen and asks, "How many is a Brazilian?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An Englishman, a Scotsman, an Irishman... (long joke)
An Englishman, a Scotsman, an Irishman, a Welshman, a Latvian, a Turk, a German, an Indian, several Americans (including a Hawaiian and an Alaskan), an Argentinean, a Dane, an Australian, a Slovak, an Egyptian, a Japanese, a Moroccan, a Frenchman, a New Zealander, a Spaniard, a Russian, a Guatemalan, a Colombian, a Pakistani, a Malaysian, a Croatian, an Uzbek, a Cypriot, a Pole, a Lithuanian, a Chinese, a Sri Lankan, a Lebanese, a Cayman Islander, a Ugandan, a Vietnamese, a Korean, a Uruguayan, a Czech, an Icelander, a Mexican, a Finn, a Honduran, a Panamanian, an Andorran, an Israeli, a Venezuelan, an Iranian, a Fijian, a Peruvian, an Estonian, a Syrian, a Brazilian, a Portuguese, a Liechtensteiner, a Mongolian, a Hungarian, a Canadian, a Moldovan, a Haitian, a Norfolk Islander, a Macedonian, a Bolivian, a Cook Islander, a Tajikistani, a Samoan, an Armenian, an Aruban, an Albanian, a Greenlander, a Micronesian, a v**... Islander, a Georgian, a Bahaman, a Belarusian, a Cuban, a Tongan, a Cambodian, a Canadian, a Qatari, an Azerbaijani, a Romanian, a Chilean, a Jamaican, a Filipino, a Ukrainian, a Dutchman, a Ghanaian, an Ecuadorian, a Costa Rican, a Swede, a Bulgarian, a Serb, a Swiss, a Greek, a Belgian, a Singaporean, an Italian, a Norwegian, 2 Africans and you...
walk into a fine restaurant.
"I'm sorry," says the maître d', after scrutinizing the group, "but you can't come in here without a Thai."
World Cut Soccer
A little old Brazilian lady was walking down the street dragging two plastic garbage bags. One bag had a hole in it and $20 bills were flying out of it.
A policeman stopped her and said, "Ma'am, you're losing a lot of bills from that bag."
"Darnd!" she said, "Thanks for the warning. I'll go back and pick them up."
"Hold on there! Where'd all that money come from? Did you steal it?"
"Oh, no," she said. "My yard backs up on the stadium parking lot and, during tailgate parties, a lot of guys use my flower beds as bathrooms. So I stand behind a bush with my electric hedge clipper and when one is in mid-stream, I fire up the trimmer and say: '$20 or off it comes!'"
"Wow. Good idea!" laughed the cop. "But what's in the other bag?"
"Well," said the little old lady, "not all of them pay up!"
George W. Bush was sitting in the Oval Office when...
...his secretary walks in with a phone in his hand.
He says, "Three Brazilian soldiers were killed today in Iraq."
Upon hearing this The President says, "Oh my God!" and he buries his head in his hands.
The entire Cabinet was stunned. Usually George Bush showed no reaction whatsoever to these types of reports.
Just then, Bush looked up and said, "How many is a Brazilian??"
How many South Americans are boycotting the World Cup final?
Brazilians
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Before today, the saddest Brazilians I ever saw...
...were the waiters who got assigned to me at Fogo de Chau #estoygordo
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How many people do you have to kick out of their houses to have a World Cup?
Brazilians!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How many people from Brazil does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A Brazilian!
vintage Bush joke
Donald Rumsfeld is giving the president his daily briefing. He concludes by saying: "Yesterday, 3 Brazilian soldiers were killed."
"OH NO!" the President exclaims. "That's terrible!"
His staff sits stunned at this display of emotion, nervously watching as the President sits, head in hands.
Finally, the President looks up and asks, "How many is a brazillion?"
back in '02 a general came to George W and informed him that we accidentally dropped a missile in the wrong area and it killed 3 Brazilian men...
Dubya looked VERY distraught and looked over at Condoleezza Rice and asked, "exactly how many is a Brazilian?"
Request: A joke involving an Indian, an Irish, an Aussie and a Brazilian
This resumes the current setup at home, whenever I tell someone it sounds like I'm starting a joke... please help me finding a real joke to use.
What do you call a galaxy full of Brazilians?
The Milky Hue.
Martial arts
The Israelis developed Krav Maga - the art of disabling an opponent as quickly as possible.
The Japanese developed Jujitsu - the art of defeating an armed and armored opponent.
The Brazilians developed Capoeira - the art of defeating an opponent using dance and acrobatics.
The French developed parkour - the art of running away as quickly and efficiently as possible.
What is globalization?
Question : What is globalization?
Answer : Princess Diana's death
Question : How come?
Answer :
An English princess with an
Egyptian boyfriend crashes in a
French tunnel, driving a
German car with a
Dutch engine, driven by a
Belgian who was high on
Scottish whiskey, followed closely by
Italian Paparazzi, on
Japanese motorcycles, treated by an
American doctor, using
Brazilian medicines!
And this is sent to you by a
Canadian, using
Bill Gates' technology which he got from the
Japanese.
And you are probably reading this on
one of the IBM clones that use
Philippine-made chips, and
Korean made monitors, assembled by Bangladeshi
workers in a Singapore plant, transported by lorries
driven by Indians, hijacked by Indonesians and finally
sold to you by a Chinese!
5 Brazilian dollars sounds like a lot of money...
However, with the current exchange rate its only about $1.35 USD
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two Blondes meet up for coffee...
Two blondes meet up for coffee and one asks the other what she has been up to.
"I had s**... with two Brazilian guys last night", she said.
"Wow - I've never even met that many guys" replied the other.
A new report indicates Brazilians no longer support the 2016 Olympics
They're too busy raising the team for the 2036 Special Olympics.
I think I just caught the Zika virus...
I met a Brazilian girl and she gave me a little head.
I wanted to book a flight to Rio De Janeiro.
But tickets are like a brazilian dollars.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How many people from rio does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A Brazilian.
Saw this joke elsewhere and thought i'd share it here.
How amazing is Michael Phelps?
He's got like a Brazilian Medals.
A brazilian, uruguayan and argentinian walk into the bar...
...celona team.
GOAAAAAAAAL !
GOAAAAAAAAL !
GOAAAAAAAAL !
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How did 70 Brazilian people die in a plane c**... today...
...if the world only has 7 billion?
Donald Trump has his daily intelligence briefing.
"We're almost done, Mr. President-Elect," says the man conducting the briefing, "just one more small piece of information."
"Bring it on."
"5 Brazilian soldiers were killed last night"
"That certainly isn't a good thing," replies Trump, "but if you don't mind, could you refresh my memory on one thing?"
"Of course, Mr. Trump, what do you need?"
"How many is a Brazilian?"
What do Tom Brady and Rhonda Rousey have in common?
Both struggle to last longer than a minute with a Brazilian woman.
"Mr. President, four Brazilian soldiers were killed during our last drone attack. "
"This is yuge, let's get Sean out there to tell everyone how we are making the world great again... wait how many is a Brazilian?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How many Latinos does it take to change a light bulb?
A Brazilian.
Q: What are your chances of falling in love in Rio de Janeiro?
A: One in a Brazilian
The President of Brazil, France and United States share a flight around the world
The United state president puts his hands out of the windows and says:
"We are in the US! I just touched the Statue of Liberty"
Some time passes, the French president puts his hands out and says out loud:
"Now we are in France. I just touched the Eiffel tower".
After a while the Brazilian president also puts his hands out of the Airplane and says:
"Yes, we finally are in Brazil. I just had my watch stolen"
How many???
A blonde was sitting on the train reading the newspaper. The headline blared, "12 Brazilian Soldiers Killed."She shook her head at the sad news, then turned to the stranger sitting next to her and asked, "How many is a Brazilian?"
A blonde and her husband are watching the news...
News: A Brazilian man died while skydiving when his parachute didn't open.
The blonde bursts into tears
Husband (comforting her): I know it's sad, but people need to know that there's a risk while skydiving.
Blonde: But that's a lot of people. How many is a Brazilian?
A German is talking to a Brazilian
The German says "Want to hear a joke," The Brazilian replies "Sure," "So, why was 6 afraid of 7" "I don't know, why?" "Because 7 won!"
What country is the most heavily populated?
Brazil, they've got Brazilian citizens.
What did the Brazilian goose on the balcony say to the squirrel passing by?
I don't know, I don't speak porch of geese
John Bolton and President Trump are meeting in the White House
Bolton reads off a report to Trump and says "Today, in the war on drugs we lost 2 Brazilian soldiers."
Donald breaks down crying, sobbing uncontrollably.
John Bolton cringes and says "There's no reason to be upset, this isn't a big deal."
Donald replies, "Wait, remind me... How many is a brazilian?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why was the Brazilian boy arrested?
He was seen k**... two cans.
The population of South America is huge!
It's gotta be like at *least* a Brazilian!
How many people live in Rio?
I don't know either, but I would bet at least a Brazilian
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How would you rate a really ugly Brazilian?
1 out of 7
There are so many people that live in Brazil
There's at least a Brazilian.
A border patrol official comes into the Oval Office and says to Trump...
"Sir, because of the trauma of being separated from their parents, three Brazilian children fell deeply sick last night." Trump looks absolutely devastated. He sinks back in his chair, murmuring "oh my god" to himself over and over. Then he composes himself and says: "Okay. Just remind me, how many are there in a brazillion?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What a do a bunch of people in Brazil speak? Portuguese. What does just one Brazilian speak?
Portugoose.
The Brazilian ambassador meets with Donald Trump
The Brazilian ambassador meets with Donald Trump, and offers him 50 Brazilian soldiers to help with the fight against terrorism. Trump says, That's fantastic!"
Later that day Trump calls his Chief of Staff and tells him about the offer of 50 Brazilian soldiers.
The Chief of Staff says, That's fantastic!"
Trump says, Yes, but remind me again, how many is a 'Brazilian?'"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Neymar, the Brazilian football player, had his first parenting lesson with his new son this morning.
"Right," said the midwife, "what should you do if he starts crying and having a tantrum?"
"Show him a yellow card and tell him to get up off the f*****g floor," replied the baby....
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An attendant to President Trump comes in and tells him "Sir, your commission has reported that three Brazilian i**... voted for Hillary."
And so he yells "I knew it! Now how many is a 'brazilian'?"
That's a lot of zeros
An aide comes into the Oval Office and says to Trump:
"Sir, three Brazilian solders were killed in Afghanistan last night."
Trump looks absolutely devastated, nobody's ever seen him like this.
He sinks back in his chair, saying oh my god over and over.
Then he composes himself and says:
Okay. Just remind me, how many are there in a brazillion?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What comes after 99999999 Mexican immigrants?
A Brazilian.
Anthony Fauci is giving the President his daily briefing.
He concludes by saying: ''Yesterday, 300 Brazilians died of COVID.'' ''Oh no!'' President Trump exclaims. ''That's terrible!'' His staff are stunned at this uncharacteristic display of emotion, nervously watching as the President sits, head in hands. Finally, Trump looks up and asks: ''How many is a brazillion?''
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How many South American's does it take to change a lightbulb?
A Brazilian.
The secretary of defense entered Donald Trump's office.
He told Donald Trump that a drone strike in South America had killed 4 brazilian people.
He expected Trump to take this lightly, but much to his surprise, Trump's face turned white with shock, and he promptly fainted.
After Trump awoke, the secretary of defense said "I didn't know you would value 4 brazilian lives so much"
Trump responded "Just tell me, how many million is a Brazilian?"
I was trekking through the Brazilian rain forest with LL Cool J...
... when from out of nowhere a small creature lept from the trees and hit me straight in the face knocking me unconscious.
I woke a few moments later and asked LL what had happened. He said, "A Marmoset knocked you out"
