Brazilian Jokes

128 brazilian jokes and hilarious brazilian puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about brazilian that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Filled with Brazilian culture and a humorous twist, this article explores the popular Brazilian jokes about Argentina and other expressions related to Brazilian wax, Brazilian jiu jitsu and Brazillion. Find out what these jokes are and their origins in Portuguese-speaking countries.

Best Short Brazilian Jokes

Short brazilian jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The brazilian humour may include short brazilian wax jokes also.

  1. "Mr. President, two Brazilian soldiers were killed yesterday in Iraq." "Oh my god... How many is a Brazilian?"
  2. Why are there no coups in the US? It is the only country without a US embassy.
    (heard from a Brazilian friend)
  3. A blonde and a brunette are discussing the previous night out... The brunette says, "Last night I slept with a Brazilian."
    "Oh my god!" the blonde replies. "How many is THAT?"
  4. Why was Portugal the best colonial power? Spain had thousands of colonists, Britain had millions, but Portugal had BRAZILIANS.
  5. A blond girl turns on the radio and hears that 2 Brazilian men were killed As she starts to cry she asks "How many is a Brazilian?"
  6. One blonde says to another, "I slept with a Brazilian last night". The other blonde says, "Wow, how many is that"?
    lista de piadas
  7. A blonde is driving in her car and turns on the radio.. It says that two Brazilian men were killed. She stats crying and says, "How many is a brazilian?"
  8. What a do a bunch of people in Brazil speak? Portuguese. What does just one Brazilian speak? Portugoose.
  9. What's the difference between a chickpea and a Brazilian nut? I wouldn't let a chickpea in my mouth.
  10. The England Football team..... visited a Brazilian orphanage this morning. 'It's heartbreak to see their sad little faces with no hope' said Jose, age 6.

Quick Jump To

Brazilian joke, The England Football team.....

Make fun with this list of one liners, jokes and riddles. Each joke is crafted with thought and creativity, delivering punchlines that are unexpected and witty. The humor about brazilian can easily lighten the mood and bring smiles to people's faces. This compilation of brazilian puns is not just entertaining but also a testament to the art of joke-telling. The jokes in this list are designed to display different humor styles, ensuring that every reader at any age finds something entertaining. Constantly updated, they offer a source of fun that ensures one is always smiling !

Share These Brazilian Jokes With Friends

Brazilian One Liners

Which brazilian one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with brazilian? I can suggest the ones about deported and .

  1. How many hearts can the belgium football team break at once? About a brazilian...
  2. How many South Americans does it take to screw in a light bulb? A Brazilian.
  3. What does the Brazilian Pikachu say? Zika zika.
  4. A Brazilian got the first gold medal The police are already after him.
  5. Did you know a Brazilian wax costs $50? Talk about a rip off
  6. How many armed men does it take to extort an Olympic athlete? A Brazilian.
  7. How many people from Brazil does it take to screw in a lightbulb? A Brazilian!
  8. My wife paid $50 for a Brazilian waxing. She said it was a rip-off.
  9. How many people live in South America? A Brazilian.
  10. What language do Brazilian Geese speak? Portuguese
  11. How many gallons can fit inside the world cup? A brazilian
  12. How many South Americans does it take to cross the Atlantic A Brazilian
  13. How would you rate a really ugly Brazilian? 1 out of 7
  14. ATTN: Brazilian football fans Don't feel too bad. Your team only lost by a touchdown.
  15. How many portuguese people can fit on a scooter? A Brazilian

Brazilian Waxing Jokes

Here is a list of funny brazilian waxing jokes and even better brazilian waxing puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Waxing Q: Why did the woman refuse to pay for her Brazilian waxing?
    A: Because it was a total rip-off.
  • On a scale of 1 - 10, how hot is that waxing guy at the spa? Like, a Brazilian!
  • TIL why it is called a Brazilian wax. Because they cut down the forrest.
  • Did you hear about the woman who does bikini waxing? She says she has done about a Brazilian of them!!!!
  • Wax Job I have a "friends with benefits" babe who had a Brazilian.
    After all her pain and anguish, I hate to tell her it looks like a roasting chicken that is about ten days past the "Sell by" date.
  • How much does a bikini wax cost? A Brazilian dollars.
  • How many hairs get yanked out every time I get a bikini line wax job? Like, a Brazilian.
  • In South America, how many women get waxed per year? A Brazilian.
  • Can women pay for a Brazilian wax with defurred payments? Not if they are Bush Supporters.
  • How does a barber avoid getting hair in his food? By giving her a Brazilian wax first!

Brazilian Wax Jokes

Here is a list of funny brazilian wax jokes and even better brazilian wax puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • This Thanksgiving's super moon is a b**... Moon ... After it's waxing phase it will be a Brazilian Moon .

Brazilian Soccer Jokes

Here is a list of funny brazilian soccer jokes and even better brazilian soccer puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • What's green and yellow and can't fly? Brazilian soccer players.
  • If a Brazilian soccer team was stuck in a cave they would be out by now... Because they are good at diving
  • What are the odds of USA beating Brazil in soccer? Brazilian to one....
    (credit to bill burr's monday morning podcast)
  • The Brazilian Soccer Team Enough said
  • Has anyone seen the Brazilian soccer team? Last I heard, they needed a place to c**....
Brazilian joke, Has anyone seen the Brazilian soccer team?

Great Brazilian Jokes to Share, Laugh and Enjoy with Friends

What funny jokes about brazilian you can tell and make people laugh? One example I can give are clean jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help make brazilian prank.

How much is a Brazilian?

6 because 7-1

I like my women like i like my coffee...

...Always there to brighten my morning
...Black and strong
...With sauce
...Twice before I leave the house
...Right before I smoke
...Bitter and cold
...At the end of the day, scraped off the bottom of a p**...
...Slow roasted
...Ground up in my freezer
...With boiling water poured over them
...Light and sweet
...A day old

During the Bush administration...

G. W. was sitting in his office when one of his advisors approached him and said, "Mr. President, three Brazilian citizens were killed today."
G. W. gives him a pained look and replies, "Oh my God! How many millions is that?"

George W. Bush joke....

One morning while George was having breakfast, Condoleezza Rice walks in saying, "Mr. President, three Brazilian soldiers were killed in action yesterday." "Dear God, " he replied, "how much is a brazilian?"

A Brazilian people killed.

One day a man is sitting next to a blond woman who is reading the newspaper.
She is visibly upset while reading a particular article. He can't help but look over and see what she's reading. He sees the headline
"s**... b**... kill two Brazilian men on bus".
He understands why she is upset now, so he strikes up a conversation with her.
She confesses "I have seen these before, but this is getting crazy. I mean, two Brazilian men killed? How many is in a Brazilian again?"

They walk in the bar

A bartender is working at an upscale bar downtown when all of the sudden, an Englishman, a Dane, a Frenchman, a German, a Russian, an American, a Canadian, a Mexican, a Peruvian, a Brazilian, a Colombian, a Chinese, a Japanese, a Korean, 29 different Africans from all different African countries, and an Indian all walk in to the bar.
And the bartender says to them, sorry gentlemen, but you can't come here without a Thai.
^thanks ^SnW

George W. Bush and Karl Rove are talking...

Karl Rove walks into the Oval Office and says "Mr. President, I have some bad news. Four Brazilian soldiers died yesterday in Iraq" The president buries his head in his hands, crying "no! No! No! That's awful, that's terrible...." He pauses, collects himself, and says "wait.... How many is a Brazilian?"

my friend said he would buy me a game on steam if i can come up with a joke based on these subjects. if you guys could help! id be really appreciated! if not i understand this is asking a lot.

Russians,a Small Animal, an American,a Brazilian and a Cruise Ship. thanks in advance for anything any one comes up with!

President George W. Bush is sitting in his office...

...When one of his informants walks in to report,
"Mr. President, yesterday three Brazilian soldiers were killed by Al Qaeda."
Bush is silent for a moment as he holds his head in his hands in immense sadness.
"Sir, what's wrong?" asks the informant.
Bush brings his head up to look at the man and asks,
"How many is a Brazilian, exactly?"

So george bush is in his office...

His adviser comes in tells him, "Mr. President I'm afraid I have some bad news. There was an e**... at our embassy in South America, two Americans were killed as well as three Brazilian citizens."
Bush looks at him and says, "Oh my God... How many is a brazilian?"

So George W. Bush is in his office..

when his secretary of defense walks in, "we lost 2 Brazilians in Iraq today."
GW puts his head in his hands looks up very sullen and asks, "How many is a Brazilian?"

An Englishman, a Scotsman, an Irishman... (long joke)

An Englishman, a Scotsman, an Irishman, a Welshman, a Latvian, a Turk, a German, an Indian, several Americans (including a Hawaiian and an Alaskan), an Argentinean, a Dane, an Australian, a Slovak, an Egyptian, a Japanese, a Moroccan, a Frenchman, a New Zealander, a Spaniard, a Russian, a Guatemalan, a Colombian, a Pakistani, a Malaysian, a Croatian, an Uzbek, a Cypriot, a Pole, a Lithuanian, a Chinese, a Sri Lankan, a Lebanese, a Cayman Islander, a Ugandan, a Vietnamese, a Korean, a Uruguayan, a Czech, an Icelander, a Mexican, a Finn, a Honduran, a Panamanian, an Andorran, an Israeli, a Venezuelan, an Iranian, a Fijian, a Peruvian, an Estonian, a Syrian, a Brazilian, a Portuguese, a Liechtensteiner, a Mongolian, a Hungarian, a Canadian, a Moldovan, a Haitian, a Norfolk Islander, a Macedonian, a Bolivian, a Cook Islander, a Tajikistani, a Samoan, an Armenian, an Aruban, an Albanian, a Greenlander, a Micronesian, a v**... Islander, a Georgian, a Bahaman, a Belarusian, a Cuban, a Tongan, a Cambodian, a Canadian, a Qatari, an Azerbaijani, a Romanian, a Chilean, a Jamaican, a Filipino, a Ukrainian, a Dutchman, a Ghanaian, an Ecuadorian, a Costa Rican, a Swede, a Bulgarian, a Serb, a Swiss, a Greek, a Belgian, a Singaporean, an Italian, a Norwegian, 2 Africans and you...
walk into a fine restaurant.
"I'm sorry," says the maître d', after scrutinizing the group, "but you can't come in here without a Thai."

George W. Bush is sitting with his aides...

and he is getting debriefed on the world news of the day. The news is rather mundane and unexciting, but one of his aides states that 3 Brazilian people perished in a plane c**... early this morning.
Dubya's reaction is pure shock and grief, he's shaking and can't control his emotions.
Tearfully looking over to the man who broke the news, he asks him, "How many is a Brazilian?"

World Cut Soccer

A little old Brazilian lady was walking down the street dragging two plastic garbage bags. One bag had a hole in it and $20 bills were flying out of it.
A policeman stopped her and said, "Ma'am, you're losing a lot of bills from that bag."
"Darnd!" she said, "Thanks for the warning. I'll go back and pick them up."
"Hold on there! Where'd all that money come from? Did you steal it?"
"Oh, no," she said. "My yard backs up on the stadium parking lot and, during tailgate parties, a lot of guys use my flower beds as bathrooms. So I stand behind a bush with my electric hedge clipper and when one is in mid-stream, I fire up the trimmer and say: '$20 or off it comes!'"
"Wow. Good idea!" laughed the cop. "But what's in the other bag?"
"Well," said the little old lady, "not all of them pay up!"

George W. Bush was sitting in the Oval Office when...

...his secretary walks in with a phone in his hand.
He says, "Three Brazilian soldiers were killed today in Iraq."
Upon hearing this The President says, "Oh my God!" and he buries his head in his hands.
The entire Cabinet was stunned. Usually George Bush showed no reaction whatsoever to these types of reports.
Just then, Bush looked up and said, "How many is a Brazilian??"

George Bush was receiving his daily report from his Defense Secretary.

During the report, the secretary said; And yesterday, three Brazilian soldiers were killed in Iraq. George suddenly went pale, put his head in his hands and began to sweat profusely.
His staff was astounded. They had never seen the president react like this to such a small loss. Then, after he had recovered slightly, the president brought his head up and quietly asked the aide next to him, "Just how many in a brazilian?"

How many people do you have to kick out of their houses to have a World Cup?


George Bush sits in his office during the Iraq War.

During a meeting with the cabinet, his aide walks up to him and says "Mr. President, we've just received word that twelve Brazilian soldiers died yesterday in Iraq."
George puts his head in his hands and is visibly shaken by the news.
He looks up at the shocked cabinet members and asks "How many is a brazillion?"

vintage Bush joke

Donald Rumsfeld is giving the president his daily briefing. He concludes by saying: "Yesterday, 3 Brazilian soldiers were killed."
"OH NO!" the President exclaims. "That's terrible!"
His staff sits stunned at this display of emotion, nervously watching as the President sits, head in hands.
Finally, the President looks up and asks, "How many is a brazillion?"

Two Blondes

Two blondes meet up for coffee and one asks the other what she has been upto;
"I had s**... with two Brazilian guys last night"
"Wow - I've never even met that many guys" replied the other

George bush was attending a morning press conference...

Donald rumsfeld read the daily briefings aloud
"This morning, 3 Brazilian soilders were killed"
"OH MY GOD THATS TERRIBLE" Screamed the president
The room went silent, everyone was stunned by the presidents emotional outburst.
A moment passed when George asked in a quiet Texas tone "how many is three brazillion?"

Martial arts

The Israelis developed Krav Maga - the art of disabling an opponent as quickly as possible.
The Japanese developed Jujitsu - the art of defeating an armed and armored opponent.
The Brazilians developed Capoeira - the art of defeating an opponent using dance and acrobatics.
The French developed parkour - the art of running away as quickly and efficiently as possible.

What is globalization?

Question : What is globalization?
Answer : Princess Diana's death
Question : How come?
Answer :
An English princess with an
Egyptian boyfriend crashes in a
French tunnel, driving a
German car with a
Dutch engine, driven by a
Belgian who was high on
Scottish whiskey, followed closely by
Italian Paparazzi, on
Japanese motorcycles, treated by an
American doctor, using
Brazilian medicines!
And this is sent to you by a
Canadian, using
Bill Gates' technology which he got from the
And you are probably reading this on
one of the IBM clones that use
Philippine-made chips, and
Korean made monitors, assembled by Bangladeshi
workers in a Singapore plant, transported by lorries
driven by Indians, hijacked by Indonesians and finally
sold to you by a Chinese!

Two Blondes meet up for coffee...

Two blondes meet up for coffee and one asks the other what she has been up to.
"I had s**... with two Brazilian guys last night", she said.
"Wow - I've never even met that many guys" replied the other.

I think I just caught the Zika virus...

I met a Brazilian girl and she gave me a little head.

What do you call a Brazilian on a magic carpet?

A latin.

An Englishman, Scottishman, Irishman, Welshman, Frenchman, Russian, Spaniard, Mexican, American, Norweigan, Swede, Albanian, Italian, Indian, Moroccan, Dutchman, Brazilian, Kenyan, Australian and Belgian walk into a bar.

The barman says; "You can't come in here without a Thai."

What is a Brazilians favorite Pokemon?


How many people from rio does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

A Brazilian.
Saw this joke elsewhere and thought i'd share it here.

How did 70 Brazilian people die in a plane c**... today...

...if the world only has 7 billion?

Donald Trump has his daily intelligence briefing.

"We're almost done, Mr. President-Elect," says the man conducting the briefing, "just one more small piece of information."
"Bring it on."
"5 Brazilian soldiers were killed last night"
"That certainly isn't a good thing," replies Trump, "but if you don't mind, could you refresh my memory on one thing?"
"Of course, Mr. Trump, what do you need?"
"How many is a Brazilian?"

What do Tom Brady and Rhonda Rousey have in common?

Both struggle to last longer than a minute with a Brazilian woman.

The White House Foreign Affairs Officer walks into the oval office and says...

The White House Foreign Affairs Officer walks into the oval office and says "Mr. President, eight Brazilian soldiers were killed in Mexico today!"
The President is real quiet.
"Mr. President, did you hear me?"
"How many is a Brazilian?" the president asks.

3 Brazilian

A blonde was listening to the radio when suddenly she heard "3 Brazilian men died in a fatal car accident." The woman then asked, "How much is a Brazilian?"

Q: What are your chances of falling in love in Rio de Janeiro?

A: One in a Brazilian

I met a girl from El Salvador. I told her she was El salvAdorable...

But she said she's heard that a Brazilian times.

The President of Brazil, France and United States share a flight around the world

The United state president puts his hands out of the windows and says:
"We are in the US! I just touched the Statue of Liberty"
Some time passes, the French president puts his hands out and says out loud:
"Now we are in France. I just touched the Eiffel tower".
After a while the Brazilian president also puts his hands out of the Airplane and says:
"Yes, we finally are in Brazil. I just had my watch stolen"

How many???

A blonde was sitting on the train reading the newspaper. The headline blared, "12 Brazilian Soldiers Killed."She shook her head at the sad news, then turned to the stranger sitting next to her and asked, "How many is a Brazilian?"

What is the most populous city in the world?

Rio, it has Brazilians.

A blonde and her husband are watching the news...

News: A Brazilian man died while skydiving when his parachute didn't open.
The blonde bursts into tears
Husband (comforting her): I know it's sad, but people need to know that there's a risk while skydiving.
Blonde: But that's a lot of people. How many is a Brazilian?

A German is talking to a Brazilian

The German says "Want to hear a joke," The Brazilian replies "Sure," "So, why was 6 afraid of 7" "I don't know, why?" "Because 7 won!"

Which country brought the most competitors to the 2018 Winter Olympics?

Brazil. They brought 8 Brazilian athletes.

What did the Brazilian goose on the balcony say to the squirrel passing by?

I don't know, I don't speak porch of geese

John Bolton and President Trump are meeting in the White House

Bolton reads off a report to Trump and says "Today, in the war on drugs we lost 2 Brazilian soldiers."
Donald breaks down crying, sobbing uncontrollably.
John Bolton cringes and says "There's no reason to be upset, this isn't a big deal."
Donald replies, "Wait, remind me... How many is a brazilian?"

George Bush was sitting down at his desk during his morning briefing.

His chief of staff advised him that 3 Brazilian people had died this morning in a helicopter c**....
George sat there sulking in his chair and began weeping (uncharacteristically) to himself.
Sir, is everything alright? stated his chief of staff, to which George replied, How many is a Brazilian?

A border patrol official comes into the Oval Office and says to Trump...

"Sir, because of the trauma of being separated from their parents, three Brazilian children fell deeply sick last night." Trump looks absolutely devastated. He sinks back in his chair, murmuring "oh my god" to himself over and over. Then he composes himself and says: "Okay. Just remind me, how many are there in a brazillion?"

The Secretary of Defense sits in the Oval Office briefing Bush on Iraq...

"Yesterday, 3 Brazilian soldiers were killed."
"Oh no!" exclaims the president, "That's terrible!" His staff is stunned at this unprecedented display of emotion, watching as Bush sits, head in hands.
Finally, he looks up and asks, "How many is a brazillion?"

The Brazilian ambassador meets with Donald Trump

The Brazilian ambassador meets with Donald Trump, and offers him 50 Brazilian soldiers to help with the fight against terrorism. Trump says, That's fantastic!"
Later that day Trump calls his Chief of Staff and tells him about the offer of 50 Brazilian soldiers.
The Chief of Staff says, That's fantastic!"
Trump says, Yes, but remind me again, how many is a 'Brazilian?'"

Neymar, the Brazilian football player, had his first parenting lesson with his new son this morning.

"Right," said the midwife, "what should you do if he starts crying and having a tantrum?"
"Show him a yellow card and tell him to get up off the f*****g floor," replied the baby....

An attendant to President Trump comes in and tells him "Sir, your commission has reported that three Brazilian i**... voted for Hillary."

And so he yells "I knew it! Now how many is a 'brazilian'?"

That's a lot of zeros

An aide comes into the Oval Office and says to Trump:
"Sir, three Brazilian solders were killed in Afghanistan last night."
Trump looks absolutely devastated, nobody's ever seen him like this.
He sinks back in his chair, saying oh my god over and over.
Then he composes himself and says:
Okay. Just remind me, how many are there in a brazillion?"

Anthony Fauci is giving the President his daily briefing.

He concludes by saying: ''Yesterday, 300 Brazilians died of COVID.'' ''Oh no!'' President Trump exclaims. ''That's terrible!'' His staff are stunned at this uncharacteristic display of emotion, nervously watching as the President sits, head in hands. Finally, Trump looks up and asks: ''How many is a brazillion?''

The secretary of defense entered Donald Trump's office.

He told Donald Trump that a drone strike in South America had killed 4 brazilian people.
He expected Trump to take this lightly, but much to his surprise, Trump's face turned white with shock, and he promptly fainted.
After Trump awoke, the secretary of defense said "I didn't know you would value 4 brazilian lives so much"
Trump responded "Just tell me, how many million is a Brazilian?"

A Canadian, a Swiss, a German, a Mexican, a American, a Korean, a Austrian, a Brazilian, a Estonian, a Filipino, a British, a Egyptian, a Icelander, a Jamaican, a South African, a Puerto Rican, a Chinese, a Latvian, a Moroccan, a Taiwanese, a Spaniard, and a romanian walk into a fancy restaurant.

The waiter stops them and says Sorry, you can't come in here without a Thai.

A blonde is watching the news on an airplane...

The news reporter says, "Three Brazilian children have been presumed dead after their home caught fire in the middle of the night."
The blonde jolts up in her seat in utter shock. She taps the shoulder of the passenger next to her, and exclaims, "Oh my god! How many children is a Bra-zillion!?"

Trump was rushed to the hospital after learning that 3 Brazilians died from the Coronavirus

Lying in the hospital bed his face still white with shock, he finally got the courage to ask shakily and in a quiet voice, How many people is a brazillion?"

Brazilian joke, Trump was rushed to the hospital after learning that 3 Brazilians died from the Coronavirus

jokes about brazilian

Jokes are a form of humor that often involves clever wordplay, puns or unexpected twists in a story. These are usually short narratives or anecdotes crafted with the intent of amusing its audience by ending in an unexpected or humorous punchline. Jokes are a universal form of entertainment that people of all ages like adults, teens, kids and toddlers can enjoy. JokoJokes' FAQ section has answers to questions you may have!

The impact of these brazilian jokes can be both social and psychological. They can help to ease tensions, create bonds between people, and even improve overall mental health. The success of a joke often relies on the delivery, timing, and audience. Jokes can be used in various settings, from social gatherings to professional presentations, and are often employed to lighten the mood or enhance a story.