brazil Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious brazil puns

TIL After Nigeria was unable to win any medals in this year's Olympics, the Nigerian Sports Minister personally offered to refund all the expenses of fans that traveled to Brazil.

He said he just needs their bank details and pin numbers to complete the transaction.


After his team was eliminated from the World Cup,

The Nigerian captain personally offered to refund all expenses that fans of his country paid for to travel to Brazil.

According to sources close to the player, he just needs their bank details and pin numbers to complete the transactions.


You know the times have changed...

When Portugal leaves Brazil without taking any Gold.


The English team visited an orphanage in brazil.

"It's heartbreaking to see their sad little faces with no hope ,said Jose age 6.


There once was a girl named Jill

Who fucked a dynamite stick for a thrill.
They found her vagina in South Carolina
And bits of her tits in Brazil.



So it's 2004 and the War in Iraq is raging on.

President Bush calls Sec. Rumsfeld into the Oval Office to discuss the campaign.

Rumsfeld begins by saying, "Sir, there have been no American deaths today. But we do have word that 3 Brazillian soldiers were killed."

Much Rumsfeld's surprise, President Bush begins crying and banging his hands on the desk in the office.

Rumsfeld says, "Sir, what's wrong?"

Bush replies under his heavy sobs, "Exactly how many is a Brazillian?"


A lady from Texas called Jill...

Used dynamite sticks for a thrill.

They found her vagina

In North Carolina

And bits of her tits in Brazil.


What is the difference between Snow White and Brazil?

Snow White had the excuse of being asleep before letting seven in.


A Brazilian people killed.

One day a man is sitting next to a blond woman who is reading the newspaper.

She is visibly upset while reading a particular article. He can't help but look over and see what she's reading. He sees the headline
"Suicide bombers kill two Brazilian men on bus".

He understands why she is upset now, so he strikes up a conversation with her.

She confesses "I have seen these before, but this is getting crazy. I mean, two Brazilian men killed? How many is in a Brazilian again?"


What does the Brazilian Pikachu say?

Zika zika.


If you played pokemon in Brazil,

you might catch a Zikachu


Non-kosher Rabbi

One day, an old rabbi decides that he wants to try pork, forbidden in the Torah. But, because he's the rabbi, he can't risk being seen by anyone in his congregation. So he decides to take a vacation. He buys his tickets, flies out to Brazil, finds an expensive restauraunt and orders the roast pork. As he's waiting, however, a couple from his congregation walks into the same restauraunt. They instantly recognize him, come up to him, and just as they're saying hello, the Rabbi's pork is brought out: a giant pig on massive platter with a big red apple in it's mouth. As it's placed in front of him, to the shock of the couple, the Rabbi exclaims: My this is how they serve apples here!


A Brazilian got the first gold medal

The police are already after him.


A Police Competition in Brazil...

A police convention was going in Brazil. They also held a competition on who could locate, secure, and extract the dog first. The dog had been released two days before from an unknown location in the forest, and just to be sure that nobody took another dog in it's place, all other dogs were completely removed from the area.

The first country was the U.K., which quickly got their best satellites focused on the area, once they located the dog, they drop in an extraction team by helicopter, and brought the dog back in only 5 hours.

Next up was the U.S., which quickly used video footage and NSA technology, along with heat sensors to locate, extract, and return the dog in only 3 hours.

Finally the host country, Brazil, was up. Now, they don't have any fancy equipment or anything, so a group of special forces police called BOPE (pronounced Bop-pee) headed out. Within a half hour, they returned with a chicken. It's feathers were all over the place, and it's eyes looked like they would bulge out of it's face any second. Everyone starts wondering what the hell they brought a chicken for, when the BOPE captain looks at the chicken, and yells: "TELL THEM WHAT YOU ARE, TELL THEM WHAT YOU ARE RIGHT NOW" so the chicken goes "WOOF, WOOF".


Did you know a Brazilian wax costs $50?

Talk about a rip off


What a do a bunch of people in Brazil speak? Portuguese. What does just one Brazilian speak?



The President of Brazil, France and United States share a flight around the world

The United state president puts his hands out of the windows and says:

"We are in the US! I just touched the Statue of Liberty"

Some time passes, the French president puts his hands out and says out loud:

"Now we are in France. I just touched the Eiffel tower".

After a while the Brazilian president also puts his hands out of the Airplane and says:

"Yes, we finally are in Brazil. I just had my watch stolen"


The Spanish national soccer team visited an orphanage in Brazil today

"It was hard to see their sad and hopeless faces", said one of the orphans


What do you call a Pikachu caught in Brazil?

A Zikachu


How many people from Brazil does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

A Brazilian!


What time is it in Brazil?

Oh, it's 7 past Cesar


Translated Brazilian Joke - A broken car in the desert

** In Brazil it is common making jokes about our colonizers, the Portuguese. I hope they do the same about us in Portugal, so... **

A Portuguese, a Brazilian and an Argentinian are driving through the desert when their car suddenly breaks.
João, the Brazilian suggests each one takes a piece of the car to help their journey walking back to the town.

Santiago, the Argentinian says: - I'll take the seat, so if I'm tired I can sit on it and rest.

João, the Brazilian says: - I'll take the radiator, so if I'm thirsty I can drink the water.

And Manuel, the Portuguese says: - Well, I'll take the door.

And both João and Santiago question Manuel: - The door?

Manuel says: - Yes, the door!!! So if it's too warm I can open the window.



Hi, I'm from Brazil

and I can't go to the backyard, I'm afraid my german shepherd will laugh instead of bark at me...


Now that Brazil is out of the World Cup they should go help the Thai kids stuck in that cave...

After all they're the world's most talented divers.


A Brazillian Classic

There was a family with three kids. One day, the eldest kid, Dropey, came up to his mom and asked:

Mommy, why am I called Dropey?

It's because when you were born, a drop of water fell onto your forehead!

Oh, okay!

Then Flowey, the middle kid, got kinda curious, and decided to ask too:

What about me mommy, why am I called Flowey?

It's because when you were born, a little flower fell on top of your head!

Ah, I see!

Then, the youngest kid, Bricky, seeing all this, thought he should ask too:


A brick, Bricky. That's what fell right onto your face.


I was in Brazil last night, and 3 women approached me and wanted to have sex. It was like winning the lottery.

6 matching balls.


Which country brought the most competitors to the 2018 Winter Olympics?

Brazil. They brought 8 Brazilian athletes.


Who is faster?

Usain Bolt in the 100m finals or Ryan Lochte running through the airport to catch his flight out of Brazil?


The Brazilian ambassador meets with Donald Trump

The Brazilian ambassador meets with Donald Trump, and offers him 50 Brazilian soldiers to help with the fight against terrorism. Trump says, That's fantastic!"

Later that day Trump calls his Chief of Staff and tells him about the offer of 50 Brazilian soldiers.

The Chief of Staff says, That's fantastic!"

Trump says, Yes, but remind me again, how many is a 'Brazilian?'"


The World Cup in Brazil

Brought to you by Coke.


What did the Brazilian goose on the balcony say to the squirrel passing by?

I don't know, I don't speak porch of geese


3 Brazilian

A blonde was listening to the radio when suddenly she heard "3 Brazilian men died in a fatal car accident." The woman then asked, "How much is a Brazilian?"


How did 70 Brazilian people die in a plane crash today...

...if the world only has 7 billion?


There has been an earthquake in Mexico...





300.000 casualties. Brazil sends medical help, Germany sends food, England sends money and the USA sends 500.000 Mexicans


Brazil have sent star player Neymar to Thailand to help rescue the young footballers in the cave

...they heard they needed someone to teach them how to dive


What are the most funny Brazil jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Brazil? Well, here are the best Brazil dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Brazil pick up lines to share with friends.

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