Brazil Jokes
98 brazil jokes and hilarious brazil puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about brazil that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Laugh it up with funny jokes about Brazil, from Brazil nut jokes to 7-1 Brazil jokes. Get ready to giggle uncontrollably with jokes about Rio, Croatia, and the Brazil vs Argentina rivalry. And don't forget about the brazil nut lacrosse fans!
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Funniest Brazil Short Jokes
Short brazil jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The brazil humour may include short heartbreaking jokes also.
- What's the difference between Brazil and the USA? About 1500 arrests within 48 hours of an attempted coup.
- What is the difference between Snow White and Brazil? Snow White had the excuse of being asleep before letting seven in.
- The Spanish national soccer team visited an orphanage in Brazil today "It was hard to see their sad and hopeless faces", said one of the orphans
- What a do a bunch of people in Brazil speak? Portuguese. What does just one Brazilian speak? Portugoose.
- Hi, I'm from Brazil and I can't go to the backyard, I'm afraid my german shepherd will laugh instead of bark at me...
- Now that Brazil is out of the World Cup they should go help the Thai kids stuck in that cave... After all they're the world's most talented divers.
- Which country brought the most competitors to the 2018 Winter Olympics? Brazil. They brought 8 Brazilian athletes.
- Who is faster? Usain Bolt in the 100m finals or Ryan Lochte running through the airport to catch his flight out of Brazil?
- There has been an earthquake in Mexico... .
.
.
.
300.000 casualties. Brazil sends medical help, Germany sends food, England sends money and the USA sends 500.000 Mexicans - "Denial isn't just a river in Brazil." "That's the Amazon."
"No, I refuse to believe that."
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Brazil One Liners
Which brazil one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with brazil? I can suggest the ones about team and championship.
- You know the times have changed... When Portugal leaves Brazil without taking any Gold.
- If you played pokemon in Brazil, you might catch a Zikachu
- What do you call a Pikachu caught in Brazil? A Zikachu
- How many people from Brazil does it take to screw in a lightbulb? A Brazilian!
- What time is it in Brazil? Oh, it's 7 past Cesar
- The World Cup in Brazil Brought to you by Coke.
- What country has the least counterfeit money? Brazil
All their money is real - There are so many people that live in Brazil There's at least a Brazilian.
- What country is the most heavily populated? Brazil, they've got Brazilian citizens.
- Brazil is getting slaughtered I can't take it an Neymar
- Why did Brazil lose the World Cup? Weak back.
- Lochte turns up late for his Brazil hearing... "Very sorry Your Honour, I got held up"
- What is Brazil's favorite game right now? Hide and go zika
- Where is the best place to buy authentic shrunken heads? Brazil
- too early? Brazil knows how to throw the hottest partys!
Brazil Nuts Jokes
Here is a list of funny brazil nuts jokes and even better brazil nuts puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- BREAKING NEWS Paula Deen's snack mix now contains "Brazil Nuts"
- What do they call Brazillian nuts in Brazil? Nuts.
- What did the old person call Brazil nuts? Nagger toes
7-1 Brazil Jokes
Here is a list of funny 7-1 brazil jokes and even better 7-1 brazil puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Germany 7 - 1 Brazil
Silly Brazil Jokes for a Good Time with Friends
What funny jokes about brazil you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make brazil pranks.
How much is a Brazilian?
6 because 7-1
A Brazilian people killed.
One day a man is sitting next to a blond woman who is reading the newspaper.
She is visibly upset while reading a particular article. He can't help but look over and see what she's reading. He sees the headline
"s**... b**... kill two Brazilian men on bus".
He understands why she is upset now, so he strikes up a conversation with her.
She confesses "I have seen these before, but this is getting crazy. I mean, two Brazilian men killed? How many is in a Brazilian again?"
Brazillian
So it's 2004 and the War in Iraq is r**... on.
President Bush calls Sec. Rumsfeld into the Oval Office to discuss the campaign.
Rumsfeld begins by saying, "Sir, there have been no American deaths today. But we do have word that 3 Brazillian soldiers were killed."
Much Rumsfeld's surprise, President Bush begins crying and b**... his hands on the desk in the office.
Rumsfeld says, "Sir, what's wrong?"
Bush replies under his heavy sobs, "Exactly how many is a Brazillian?"
The World Cup kicked off in Brazil this week and, like many Americans, I was glued to my TV...
Watching something else.
To be socially responsible, Brazil is giving out condoms to players at the World Cup. The problem is they are very hard to put on...because they can't use their hands.
Source: David Letterman monologue.
After his team was eliminated from the World Cup,
The Nigerian captain personally offered to refund all expenses that fans of his country paid for to travel to Brazil.
According to sources close to the player, he just needs their bank details and pin numbers to complete the transactions.
I tried to upload the Brazil vs Germany game to pornhub...
But they removed it for r**...
How many Brazilian national football players does it take to change a lightbulb?
No one knows - every time they pick one up, they end up giving it away.
After Nigeria was eliminated from the world cup the Nigerian captain personally offered to refund all the expenses of fans that traveled to Brazil.
He said he just needs their bank details and pin numbers to complete the transaction.
My sister is gifting me some rain forest this Christmas...
Is it possible to hire some local loggers or will I have to travel to Brazil and cut it down myself?
Coming back to London after his latest tour ended in Brazil, Phil Collins found that his head was itching.
He thought, "Hmm, I'd better see someone about this," and got himself to a doctor.
Sure enough, the doctor found small insects in his scalp. He asked, "Were you by any chance riding a llama with fleas?"
"No," Phil said, "it's all been alpaca lice."
[OC] So did you hear about that harbour in Brazil that was infested with birds?
I guess you could call it a Port-o-Geese.
5 Brazilian dollars sounds like a lot of money...
However, with the current exchange rate its only about $1.35 USD
Last week, I told my grandpa that Amazon is the best place for Christmas shopping.
He just called me from Brazil.
What did the brazillian father ask for for christmas from his wife?
"A little head, baby"
56% of Brazil is Covered In Rainforest
The rest is covered by Manuel Neuer
What does the Brazilian Pikachu say?
Zika zika.
The water quality is so poor in Brazil, the Olympic Committee decided to add a new event.
The Defecathlon.
Monkeys in Brazil just entered the stone age...
...but the ones in America have been using iPhones for years
A Brazilian got the first gold medal
The police are already after him.
What is a Brazilians favorite Pokemon?
Zikachu.
TIL After Nigeria was unable to win any medals in this year's Olympics, the Nigerian Sports Minister personally offered to refund all the expenses of fans that traveled to Brazil.
He said he just needs their bank details and pin numbers to complete the transaction.
A brazilian, uruguayan and argentinian walk into the bar...
...celona team.
GOAAAAAAAAL !
GOAAAAAAAAL !
GOAAAAAAAAL !
I shouldn't have asked my girlfriend for a little head.
We went down to Brazil and she got pregnant.
How did 70 Brazilian people die in a plane c**... today...
...if the world only has 7 billion?
Brazil had the best hospitality for a host in 2016 Olympics.
Health hazards played a huge role.
This might be the Brazilian c**... talking,
but I really Really REALLY love Brazilian c**....
TIL of shakira's initiative to introduce computers to Brazil to counter deceit by local government bodies.
Asked to comment, she said "chips don't lie".
What are the odds of USA beating Brazil in soccer?
Brazilian to one....
(credit to bill burr's monday morning podcast)
3 Brazilian
A blonde was listening to the radio when suddenly she heard "3 Brazilian men died in a fatal car accident." The woman then asked, "How much is a Brazilian?"
Why Brazilians don't have a 'stiff' stance against international terrorism?
Because 90% of them suffer from diarrhea!
The President of Brazil, France and United States share a flight around the world
The United state president puts his hands out of the windows and says:
"We are in the US! I just touched the Statue of Liberty"
Some time passes, the French president puts his hands out and says out loud:
"Now we are in France. I just touched the Eiffel tower".
After a while the Brazilian president also puts his hands out of the Airplane and says:
"Yes, we finally are in Brazil. I just had my watch stolen"
What did the Brazilian goose on the balcony say to the squirrel passing by?
I don't know, I don't speak porch of geese
Having a few Brazillion dollars sounds great until things get Real
Why was the Brazilian boy arrested?
He was seen k**... two cans.
A very bad pun.
Me: What is the best South American country?
Joke consumer: Brazil
Me: Let me Peru-ve you wrong.
Why will brazil have a hard time today in the world cup?
Because it's the 17th.
The Brazilian ambassador meets with Donald Trump
The Brazilian ambassador meets with Donald Trump, and offers him 50 Brazilian soldiers to help with the fight against terrorism. Trump says, That's fantastic!"
Later that day Trump calls his Chief of Staff and tells him about the offer of 50 Brazilian soldiers.
The Chief of Staff says, That's fantastic!"
Trump says, Yes, but remind me again, how many is a 'Brazilian?'"
Brazil have started playing 'Rock & Roll football'
They play with a rock solid defence, midfield and attack, and have Neymar rolling around on the ground.
If a Brazilian soccer team was stuck in a cave they would be out by now...
Because they are good at diving
Brazil have sent star player Neymar to Thailand to help rescue the young footballers in the cave
...they heard they needed someone to teach them how to dive
Did you know a Brazilian wax costs $50?
Talk about a rip off
What do you say if a Brazillian asks what is one of the main properties of a color?
Hue
The reason the n**... never conquered Brazil
Because they all knew jew jitsu
Brazilian currency is the most reliable currency in the world.
After all, they use something *real* for once.
As a Brazilian, it really makes me sad to know......
That IBM acquired RedHat :(
Did you know that Harry Potter sold so many books it is possible to cover all of Brazil with them?
They also did it when they were in tree form
A man is planning his vacation,
As he does so, a friend swings by and offers to help:
-Hey man, may I suggest the Maldives? Had an amazing time there.
-I'm not taking any advice from you! Back in 98, you suggested Rome, I went there and my wife got pregnant, in 2007 you suggested Brazil, I went there and my wife got pregnant, then, in 2013 you suggested France, and, guess what? My wife got pregnant, again!
-Well that's not my fault! You should just start taking your wife with you!
I want to know if this brazillian joke makes sense in other cultures
A woman went out and did not return home. On the next day she told her husband that she had slept at her friend's house. Not believing her, the husband called 10 of her best friends and none of them knew what he was talking about.
A man went out and did not return home. On the next day, he told his wife he had slept at his friend's house. Not believing him, the wife called 10 of his best friends. 8 of them confirmed that he had spent the night there and the other 2 said he was still there.
My friend said he wanted to go to Brazil and h**... a wild lion. That's ridiculous.
There are no wild lions in Brazil!
A Brazilian Jiu Jitsu teacher and black belt told his Purple belt employee,
"We're going to have a match. If you can avoid being submitted for 10 minutes, I'll award you a black belt and I'll give you a raise. If I can get you in a chokehold and you can't escape, I'm going to fire you."
The employee agreed, and they started the match. Five minutes in, the teacher locked in a chokehold, and was waiting to see if his employee could get out. The employee struggled and struggled and eventually started to turn blue.
The teacher said, finally, "I'm going to have to let you go."
A Brazilian needs to buy a ticket but don't speak English.
So he decides to listen and copy the person at the front of the queue.
He listens.
"Ticket to midway one-way."
When it's his turn, he asks.
"Ticket to new york one-ork"
~~P.S. I don't speak English. I'm try hard.~~
Two Brazilian men die in a skydiving accident.
A woman is watching the news with her husband when the newscaster says Two Brazilian men die in a skydiving accident.
The woman starts crying to her husband, sobbing That's horrible!!! So many men dying that way!
Confused, he says, Yes dear, it is sad, but they were skydiving, and there is always that risk involved.
After a few minutes, the woman, still sobbing, asks, How many is a Brazilian?
What do you do after getting a Brazilian b**... Lift?
Work your a**... off to pay your a**... off.
Employee comes back from a business trip to Brazil
Boss: How was your trip?
Employee: It was fine but I don't like Brazil. The whole country is nothing but soccer players and h**....
Boss: You do know that my wife is Brazilian, right?
Employee (flushing): Oh really? Which team does she play for?
