Brandy Jokes

23 brandy jokes and hilarious brandy puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about brandy that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Make your morning cup of joe worth a laugh with these hilarious Brandy Jokes! From coffee brandy and schnapps to whisky and vodka, you'll find all the classic spirits covered in this humorous collection of jokes. So pour yourself a drink and enjoy a laugh!

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Funniest Brandy Short Jokes

Short brandy jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The brandy humour may include short champagne jokes also.

  1. Why was Roy Moore waiting outside the liquor store when it opened? He heard they had a 14 year old Brandy
  2. My doctor told me to drink a brandy with port after a hot bath... I couldn't even finish drinking the hot bath.
  3. My daughter asked where her names comes from I told her: well, there are two things keeping your mother and I's marriage together, and they are both named Brandy.
  4. The difference between Cognac and Brandy Cognac is made in the Cognac region of France and Brandy is a fine girl.
  5. When Roy Moore lost the election he went straight to the liquor store. He heard they had a 14-year-old Brandy.
  6. I heard Roy Moore fell off the wagon after losing on Tuesday... Several sources claim he was heard repeatedly asking for a decent 15 year old Brandy.
  7. Drinking brandy always reminds my of my Grandmother She never touched the stuff, but she's Very Special, Old and Pale.
  8. I was feeling depressed, so I drank some brandy and went to the gym That really lifted my spirits
  9. Elvis Presley, Tupac Shakur, and Kim Kong Un go into a bar. Elvis order a Peach Brandy, Tupac ordered a Hennessy. They just placed Kim Jong Un sitting up against a wall because he's really dead.
  10. Brandy, you're a fine girl. What a good wife you would be. But my life, my lover, my lady Is I.T.

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Brandy One Liners

Which brandy one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with brandy? I can suggest the ones about brand name and booze.

  1. What do call a girl who works at an ad agency? Brandy
  2. Why did the farmer put brandy in the cow's food?
    He wanted to raised stewed beef.
  3. There once was a woman who had a hundred children. Her name was Brandi Love.
  4. What's the worst alcohol to drink while you're driving? Brandy.
  5. What's a lesbian's favorite liquor? Brandy
  6. What do you call a h**... from a bro? A brandy.

Brandy joke, What do you call a h**... from a bro?

Giggle-Inducing Brandy Jokes for Joyful Times with Friends

What funny jokes about brandy you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean whiskey jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make brandy pranks.

The gift.

Knowing that the minister had a very sore t**..., an elderly woman presented him with a bottle of cherry brandy.
"This is quite soothing, the woman said, "but please don't tell anyone I gave you liquor. Everyone thinks I am teetotaler."
"I understand," replied the good man.
When the church magazine came out a few days later, the congregant skimmed the "With Appreciation" column. There she read: "The minister extends his thanks to Mrs. Alice Rodgers for her gift of fruit and the spirit in which it was given."

The worm experiment

In front of her 4th grade class a teacher takes 4 glasses and fills them up with brandy, wine, beer and water. Then she puts a worm inside each one and let them sit for the night.
The day after she shows to the students each glass and, without any suprise, all worm but the one in the water are stone dead.
"So - she ask the students - what did this experiment teach us?"
From the back of the class the hand of Little Johnny rises up.
"Well, Miss, this experiment taught me that, if I drink brandy, wine or beer, I'll never get worms!"

A Russian comes into a bar...

...and orders a bottle of brandy to begin with.
The barman brings him a bottle of brandy, the Russian takes it but then gives it back to the barman asking to bring him a bottle of v**... instead.
Barman takes away the bottle of brandy and brings back the Russian a bottle of v**....
The Russian takes the bottle of v**..., opens it, swallows down all the v**..., then goes away.
B: Wait, you didn't pay for v**...!
R: What?! I gave you the bottle of good brandy instead of v**...!
B: But you didn't pay for brandy as well!
R: What?! I have not taken even a sip of brandy!

I went to a dinner and when I came back my friend asked me how it was.

"It would have been great if the wine had been as cold as the soup, the beef as rare as the service, the brandy as old as the fish, the fish as fresh as the maid, and the maid as willing as the Hostess!

A man walks into bar...

He runs to the bartender and says "Quick! Get me a double brandy before the trouble starts!"
The bartender pours him his drink and the man downs it and says "Quick! Double brandy, before the trouble starts!"
The bartender is confused, but pours him another drink.
The man downs it and says again "Quick! Double brandy, before the trouble starts!"
The bartender asks "Hang on a minute, what's this trouble?"
The man replies "I don't have any money."

Father Instructs

He sat down very seriously in front of his son, which the son realized meant one of those boring lectures was imminent.
Father produced a brandy snifter, into which he dropped an earthworm. He then took up a bottle of tequila and filled the glass with it.
The worm quickly dissolved.
Now, , what do we learn from this experiment?
Son, thoughtfully.
I guess if you drink tequila you won't have worms.

A guy walks into a bar....

Asks the bar tender for a shot of whiskey, v**... and brandy.
Nails the three shots and proceeds to say "I shouldn't have done that with what I've got! "
The bar tender replies "why, what have you got?"
"One pound" the man replies....

Man walks into a bar

"2 whisky, 1 pint and 3 brandy"
Drinks all and takes the bottle of whisky and continues to fill and drink.
Barman " WOAHHH Slow down pal take it easy, what's the problem?"
Man " I only have £1.60"

Axel Voss walks into a bar.

Axel Voss walks into a bar.
"Bartender I am celebrating a victory in the European Parliament. Get me some very expensive drink."
"Sir, this is The Inventor's Bar - our drinks are named after inventions: the harder they are to invent, the more expensive the drink is. I would recommend Perpetuum Mobile Brandy, Squared Circle v**... or Halting Problem r**... for you."
"Do you have something even more luxurious?"
"Yes sir, try our most expensive beverage: try the Content Filter Which Tells Parody From Plagiarism Cognac!"

Brandy joke, Axel Voss walks into a bar.