Brandy Jokes

Humoristic puns and funny pick up lines

Why was Roy Moore waiting outside the liquor store when it opened?

He heard they had a 14 year old Brandy

The gift.

Knowing that the minister had a very sore throat, an elderly woman presented him with a bottle of cherry brandy.

"This is quite soothing, the woman said, "but please don't tell anyone I gave you liquor. Everyone thinks I am teetotaler."

"I understand," replied the good man.

When the church magazine came out a few days later, the congregant skimmed the "With Appreciation" column. There she read: "The minister extends his thanks to Mrs. Alice Rodgers for her gift of fruit and the spirit in which it was given."

My doctor told me to drink a brandy with port after a hot bath...

I couldn't even finish drinking the hot bath.

A well dressed gentlemen walks into a bar...

"I would like a 12 year old brandy, please" The barkeep pours him a drink, he takes a sip, and immediately spits it out. "This brandy is only 10 years old! How dare you insult a man of my stature with an inferior brandy!"

The barman apologizes and offers another drink, on the house of course. "I'll have a 15 year old Scotch." He takes a sip, spits out, and proclaims "This Scotch is only 12 years old! How dare you insult a man of my stature with an inferior Scotch! I'll give you one more chance: I would like a 30 year old port wine."

Before the barman can react, a man at the end of the bar asks him to give a drink he has to the well-dressed man. The man takes a sip, spits it out, and proclaims "my lord, this tastes like urine!" The man at the end says, "It is, now tell me how old I am."

An Englishman, Frenchman, and a Swiss man...

Were about to be locked up in a German prison for 5 years. The guard says to each one of them, "I will give you each one thing." The Englishman says, " well I'll take 5 years worth of beer." So the Englishman gets his beer and they lock him up. The Frenchman says " well I'll have 5 years worth of brandy." So he gets his brandy and gets locked up. The Swiss man says, " 5 years of smokes will be fine for me." So he gets his smokes and they lock him up. 5 years later they let the Englishman out, who is rather drunk. They let the Frenchman out, who is even more drunk. Lastly they let the Swiss man out, who then says " anyone got a light?"

My daughter asked where her names comes from

I told her: well, there are two things keeping your mother and I's marriage together, and they are both named Brandy.

Three learned gentlemen are discussing 'savoir faire'...(joke full of fuffery, told to me by a man who wore a fez all the time)

The first one takes a healthy belt of his brandy, leans back in his leather chair and says, "Mes amis! Savoir faire is something one does not learn easily. No sir! For example, a husband comes home earlier than he planned to. He opens the door and sees another man's coat hanging on the rack. Without a word, he heads out to the local bar and has a smoke and a drink and reads a good book, then returns home and gives his wife a passionate kiss. *That* is savoir faire!"

The second gentleman admires the amber color in his glass, puffs on his pipe and says, "No, no, here's what it is. A man comes home from work early. He heads up to his bedroom, opens the door, and he sees his wife in bed with another man. He waves nonchalantly and graciously says, '*continuez, monsieur!*' and walks around the block for an hour or two, smelling the crisp autumn evening. That, my friends, is savoir faire."

The third man rests his glass on the table and says, "Gentlemen. You've found yourself in a familiar situation. A glance across a crowded room, an accidental touch of the hand, and suddenly you're in bed with a woman you've just met. You hear footfalls on the stairs. The door opens and the woman's husband enters. He puts on his hat, gives a nonchalant wave of his hand and graciously says, '*continuez monsieur!*' And you are *able* to continue. That is savoir faire!"

When Roy Moore lost the election he went straight to the liquor store.

He heard they had a 14-year-old Brandy.

I went to a dinner and when I came back my friend asked me how it was.

"It would have been great if the wine had been as cold as the soup, the beef as rare as the service, the brandy as old as the fish, the fish as fresh as the maid, and the maid as willing as the Hostess!

A man walks into bar...

He runs to the bartender and says "Quick! Get me a double brandy before the trouble starts!"
The bartender pours him his drink and the man downs it and says "Quick! Double brandy, before the trouble starts!"
The bartender is confused, but pours him another drink.
The man downs it and says again "Quick! Double brandy, before the trouble starts!"
The bartender asks "Hang on a minute, what's this trouble?"
The man replies "I don't have any money."

A guy walks into a bar....

Asks the bar tender for a shot of whiskey, vodka and brandy.

Nails the three shots and proceeds to say "I shouldn't have done that with what I've got! "

The bar tender replies "why, what have you got?"

"One pound" the man replies....

Man walks into a bar

"2 whisky, 1 pint and 3 brandy"

Drinks all and takes the bottle of whisky and continues to fill and drink.

Barman " WOAHHH Slow down pal take it easy, what's the problem?"

Man " I only have £1.60"

I heard Roy Moore fell off the wagon after losing on Tuesday...

Several sources claim he was heard repeatedly asking for a decent 15 year old Brandy.

I was feeling depressed, so I drank some brandy and went to the gym

That really lifted my spirits

Drinking brandy always reminds my of my Grandmother

She never touched the stuff, but she's Very Special, Old and Pale.

Axel Voss walks into a bar.

Axel Voss walks into a bar.
"Bartender I am celebrating a victory in the European Parliament. Get me some very expensive drink."
"Sir, this is The Inventor's Bar - our drinks are named after inventions: the harder they are to invent, the more expensive the drink is. I would recommend Perpetuum Mobile Brandy, Squared Circle Vodka or Halting Problem Rum for you."
"Do you have something even more luxurious?"
"Yes sir, try our most expensive beverage: try the Content Filter Which Tells Parody From Plagiarism Cognac!"

What do call a girl who works at an ad agency?


What are the funniest brandy jokes of all time?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking about Brandy? Well, here are the best Brandy puns to laugh out loud. Crazy and funny Brandy pick up lines to share with friends.


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