The Best 80 Brand Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Brand jokes. There are some brand product jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these brand jo brand puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Brand Jokes and Puns

What's the definition of mixed emotions?



When you see your mother-in-law backing off a cliff in your brand new car.

My boss pulled up in his brand new BMW today and I
couldn't help but admire it.

"Nice car," I said as he got out.

"Well," he said, noticing my admiring looks, "Work hard, put the hours in, and I'll have an even better one next year."

The police vs the senior citizen

A senior citizen drove his brand new Corvette convertible out of the dealership. Taking off down the road, he floored it to 80 mph, enjoying the wind blowing through what little gray hair he had left. "Amazing," he thought as he flew down I-94, pushing the pedal even more. Looking in his rear view mirror, he saw a state trooper behind him, lights flashing and siren blaring. He floored it to 100 mp...h, then 110, then 120. Suddenly he thought, "What am I doing? I'm too old for this," and pulled over to await the trooper's arrival. Pulling in behind him, the trooper walked up to the Corvette, looked at his watch, and said, "Sir, my shift ends in 30 minutes. Today is Friday. If you can give me a reason for speeding that I've never heard before, I'll let you go."
The old gentleman paused. Then he said, "Years ago, my wife
ran off with a State trooper. I thought you were bringing her back."

"Have a good day, sir," replied the trooper

Brand joke, The police vs the senior citizen

My boss pulled up to work today in his brand new Lincoln

As he got out of the car, I said to him "wow, that's a nice car!" He notices my admiration and says "Well, you know what? If you work hard, and put in the hours, I'll have an even better one next year."

Hearing aid

An older woman is talking to her neighbor one day about her brand new hearing aid. "It may have cost me four thousand dollars, but it's state of the art, everything sounds great, and so far, I love it!"

Her neighbor asks, "What kind is it?"

She replies, "It's about 12:30. You wanna get some lunch?"


How little stefan got a brand new watch..

Little Stefan comes in to school one morning wearing a brand new watch. His best friend, little Jenny, wants to know where the watch is from, so Johnny tell his story," I was coming from the bathroom to my bedroom when I heard a strange noise from my parent's bedroom.

I walked in and saw them bouncing up and down. Dad said I could have anything I wanted as long as I didn't tell the family. I asked for a new watch and here it is."

Jenny decides she wants one too, so night after night she listens outside her parents' bedroom for any strange noises and, sure enough, eventually she hears some banging and groaning from the other side of the door.

She walks in and catches her parents in the act, so her dad offers her anything she wants to keep quiet about the whole affair. Jenny immediately says, "I want a watch."
The dad sighs and says, "Alright, but go and stand in the corner and don't make any noise . "

Old Soviet joke - Children in the USSR

Back in Soviet Russia, little Misha is being read to by his babysitter. She reads: 'In the USSR, kindegardens are filled with wonderful toys.'
Misha listens with bright eyes.
'In the USSR, every child has a brand new bicycle.'
Little Misha opens his eyes even wider.
'In the USSR, every child drinks hot cocoa for breakfast.'
Little Misha starts crying his eyes out, bawling:
'I want to go to the USSR!'

Brand joke, Old Soviet joke - Children in the USSR

A young Saudi prince studying abroad...

A young Saudi prince studying abroad receives a call from his father asking him if everything is alright.
He tells his dad that he is feeling ashamed that everyday he goes to college in his brand new Lamborghini while all the other students take the train.
His father replies: "I understand your shame son, take this 2 billion dollars and buy yourself a train".

A man is talking to his friend...

"Today I got a brand new ford for my wife."

"Eyyy, nice trade."

A husband was in big trouble...

A husband was in big trouble when he forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife told him "Tomorrow there better be something in the driveway for me that goes zero to 200 in 2 seconds flat."

The next morning the wife found a small package in the driveway. She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.

Funeral arrangements for the husband have been set for Saturday.

There was a man who loved puns.

There once was a man who loved puns. They were his favorite kind of humor, and he would often spend time trying to come up with new ones. One morning he was feeling particularly inspired and thought up ten brand new puns. And so he went about his day with the intention of using his new puns to get a laugh from his friends, but unfortunately, no pun in ten did.

You can explore brand marque reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean brand ferrari dad jokes. There are also brand puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


Married farmer driving home on horses

A farmer and his brand new bride are riding home in a wagon pulled by a team of horses, when the older horse stumbles.

The farmer says, "That's once." A little further along, the horse stumbles again. The farmer says, "That's twice." When the old horse stumbles again, the farmer quietly reaches under his seat, pulls out a shotgun, and shoots the horse. His brand new bride yells, "That was an awful thing to do!" The farmer says, "That's once."

I bought my dog a brand new flatscreen for his birthday today - I even had it engraved!

TO SHIBA

A lawyer opens his car door on the side of the road

as a car flies past and takes off his door. Stunned, he quickly looks around and spots a police officer nearby. "Officer, you saw that guy just hit my brand new Porsche, you have to do something!" The officer can't believe what he is seeing and shakily replies, "Sir, how can you lawyers be so materialistic? Do you not realize that your entire left arm is also missing?" The lawyer quickly looks at his left arm and yells, "No, my Rolex!"

I'm starting to get self-conscious about my body odour...

On my last two dates the woman has sprayed me with perfume before we had sex. I can't quite place the brand but it had a distinct sharp peppery smell.

My friend came crying to me after he crashed his brand new Swedish car

But I didn't want to hear his Saab story

Brand joke, My friend came crying to me after he crashed his brand new Swedish car

What's a Jedi's favorite brand of vodka?

Skyy. Only Sith deal in Absolut.

Bob forgot his wedding anniversary....

His wife was mad. She said "Tomorrow morning there better be a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in under 6 seconds!" The next morning there was a box, gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway. She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale. Bob's been missing since Friday.

My birthday present from my friendly Lesbian neighbors

So it was my birthday and I'm really good friends with the lesbian couple next door. I told them what I was wanting this year and they ended up giving me a brand new gold Rolex. I was disappointed to say the least.

I think they misunderstood me when I said "I wanna watch"


Bob forgot his wedding anniversary.

Bob forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was mad. She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE!!!" The next morning when his wife woke up, she looked out the window to find a box gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway. She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale. Bob has been missing since Friday!

My friend ran into a tree with his brand new car...

He found out his Mercedes bends

Three men are talking at work the day after Christmas

It wasn't long before one of them starts bragging. "I bought my wife something that goes from 0 to 100 in only 6 seconds!"

"What is it?" The others ask.

"A brand new Mercedes!"

"Ha, but I've bought my wife something that goes from 0 to 100 in only 3 seconds!" Said one of the others.

"What is it?" The first guy asks.

"A brand new Porsche!"

"You guys are pathetic." Said the third guy. "The present I've bought goes from 0 to 100 in half a second!"

"A scale."

A man goes to a garage sale.

He walks up to a brand new 50 inch flat screen television for $1.

Man - "Is that TV seriously $1?"

Owner - "Sure is, even comes with surround sound!"

Man - "What's the catch then?"

Owner - "Well the volume is stuck on high and it's always going to be loud."

Man - "Well I can't turn that down!"

Recent studies have shown that 67% of women have used vibrators

The other 33% have brand new ones

Am I able to think up of a brand new color...

...or will it just be a pigment of my imagination?

A man was selling his TV

A man was selling his TV on his front porch with a sign that says "$1". A bloke walks by and asks

'You're selling your TV for a dollar?'

'yup'

'It looks brand new!'

'It is.'

'What's wrong with it?'

'Oh the volume is turned all the way up and you can't change that'

'So whatever I watch the volume is on Max, and you're only selling it for a dollar?'

'yup'

'Wow, can't turn that down.'

How to get rid of a refrigerator.

A man has an old worn-out refrigerator. He decides to buy a replacement, but the fridge still works, and he doesn't have a truck to haul it away, so he moves it to the front yard and tapes a sign to it:

"STILL WORKS. FREE."

It sits out there for a week, so the man takes the sign off and puts a different one on:

"BRAND NEW. $500 OR BEST OFFER."

A day later, someone steals it.

A shopkeeper was dismayed when a brand new business much like his own opened up next door and erected a huge sign which read BEST DEALS...

He was horrified when another competitor opened up on his right, and announced its arrival with an even larger sign, reading LOWEST PRICES.

The shopkeeper was panicked, until he got an idea.

He put the biggest sign of all over his own shop.

It read… MAIN ENTRANCE.

What do you call mixed emotions?

Watching your mother-in-law reverse off a cliff in your brand new car

If 9/11 had happened in July...

7/11's brand name would have crumbled faster than the Twin Towers.

Would you rather feel the pain of your toes bring crushed in an instant, or spread out over a few years?

In other words, here are your brand new safety shoes.

I've invented a new brand of cocaine that will literally blow your head off.

I call it Kurt Cocaine.

Donald Trump finally revealed his plans to defeat North Korea

He's buying it and turning it into a Trump brand business

I just dropped my brand new phone into my beer...

Do you think, I can still drink it?

Dad! You can strike out the mountain bike on my wish list for christmas!

Just found a brand new one in the basement!!!

People who eat Tide Pods are idiots.

The Costco brand pods are half the price. Just saying.

I think Trojan is a bad name for a condom brand...

...because of course, the Trojans were a people whose lives were ruined when a vessel containing little warriors unexpectedly exploded inside their city walls...

My boss showed up to work in a brand new sports car

Wow, that is a really amazing car I said to him

Thanks he replied, If you work hard, strive for excellence, and always put in your hours, I'll buy another one next year

A King says to 3 of his most esteemed Knights

- Sir Brand! Kiss my hand.

- Sir Amit! Kiss my feet.

- Sir Hancock! Sir Hancock? Why are you running away from me?

A man decides to put his counterfeit 30 dollar bills into circulation.

He decides that a small town would be the best place to put them into circulation. "No one will know" he thinks. When he enters the store he chose to start breaking them up, he tells the cashier, "I got these brand new, shiny 30 dollar bills, Can you break them for me?" She says, "Sure, do you want it in 15's or 6's?"

I'm selling an almost brand new iPhone X with a minor issue for $50

Issue: the owner is calling

My boss pulled up in his brand new Audi today

My boss pulled up in his brand new Audi today
and I couldn't help but admire it. Nice car, I said as he got out. Well, he said, noticing my admiring looks, Work hard, put the hours in, and I'll have an even better one next year.

My boss showed up to work in a brand new Ferrari

He told me, "if you work hard, put in all your hours, and never give up; next year I'll get another one!"

What brand of power tools does Chris Brown use?

Black and Deck Her

I turned over a brand new leaf today...

the folks at the Nissan dealership were not very happy with me.

What vacuum cleaner brand do Antivaxxers prefer?

Dyson.

Did you hear about the two friends who pooled their money to buy a brand new saxophone?

They recently entered into a same-sax relationship.

TIL Steve Irwin had a failed "Crocodile Hunter" sunscreen brand.

Apparently it didn't protect you from harmful rays

If EU were a person

If EU were a person and they start a new clothing brand, what would it be called?

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

EUropa

Two parents are arguing about whose child is the most stupid.

"Mine is very stupid", says the first one. "And to show you what I mean: Hey son, take this dollar and go buy my a piano! You saw him! He's going!"

"Nah... mine is even more stupid" replies the second one. "Hey son, go to the cafeteria to check if I'm there. Check him out!! He left."

Later, the two sons meet up outside the cafeteria.
"Hey, my father is very stupid" says the first one, "He gave me this dollar to go and buy him a piano, and he didn't even tell me which brand he wants it!"

"That's so stupid, but mine is the most stupid! He asked me to go to the cafeteria to check if he's there. Like, he just cant call and check!"

I got a brand new Tesla for my wife.

Pretty decent trade, if you ask me.

I interviewed some people about what shampoo brand they used.

To my surprise, all 10/10 of them uses "GET OUT OF MY BATHROOM"!

An employee sees his boss arrive at work one day in a brand new Lamborghini.

The employee goes out to the car park and says to his boss Wow that's an amazing car! I wish I had one just like it, that must have cost you a pretty penny!

The boss stands up, looks the employee in the face and says Yes, it did. And do you know something? Next year, if you work really hard, and you do your overtime, and you save your pennies, and you do your absolute best then maybe...

The employee, mystified and excited for what comes next, says yes...

The boss looks into the employees eyes and says then maybe... I'll have another one next year.

Ever since I was a kid I wanted to be good enough at skating, biking, surfing, or running to be chosen to represent a brand like Nike, Red Bull, or Under Armour. Recently the pandemic has allowed me to double down on recreation and hone my craft, and I finally got a sponsor.

Thanks Alcoholics Anonymous!

I was buying the wife some underwear, I asked the shop assistant;

Are these knickers satin?"
"No she said, They're brand new...

I saw my boss pull up in a brand new corvette

I said "wow that's a really nice car, boss!" He told me "thanks, and just remember you keep working hard every day and I'll be able to buy a second one!"

ALDI grocery stores have announced their new store brand peanuts.

ALDI's nuts

It was just announced that William Shatner's womens' lingerie company has been discontinued.

Apparently "Shatner Panties" isn't a great name for an underwear brand.

My cat peed on my brand new expensive backpack so I had to throw it away.

I'll miss you, Fluffy.

I got a brand new Tesla for my partner

Pretty decent trade, if you as me.

A drummer needed a car, but only had $200

A drummer desperately needed a car, any car, to get to work, but he only had $200. He called his friend who owned a used car lot and explained the situation.

You're in luck, the friend told the drummer. I've got a brand new Jaguar. Runs great. Looks great. For you, only $200. One small problem: it doesn't have any doors.

The drummer let out a mournful sigh and said that's no good – how'm I gonna get in?

A man walks into a museum.

While wandering, he trips and breaks a vase.
He panicks and picks the pieces up.
But the curator appears and almost has a heart attack.
"What have you done! that vase was 2000 years old." He shrieks.
"Oh thank God." The man sighs in relief. " I thought it was brand new."

I've started buying store brand Spanish rice instead of the expensive stuff

As they say, "Arroz by any other name..."

I bought my wife a brand new state of the art fridge for her birthday.

I can't wait to see her face light up when she opens it.

Almost immediately after making my first joke here, I got a brand new follower!

I was very excited, so I went to their profile. I think they're a new account, they only have one post, and when I clicked on the link in the post, it took me to a site that immediately asked if I was over 18

I guess my joke was a little immature, sure, but there's gotta be nicer ways of saying it

I was in a fancy lingerie shop, and I asked the cashier if these knickers were satin..

She said 'no, they're brand new!'

In a circus full of people the entertainer walks onto the stage

"Ladies and gentlemen! Up next is our brand new act. Welcome to the stage - the boy with a phenomenal memory".

Following the entertainers introduction, a boy comes out from behind the stage, starting to unzip his pants.

"Now the said boy is going to urinate on everyone in the front row!", - announced the entertainer.

People in the front are confused and terrified, they start to hussle, trying to leave their seats, when the entertainer exclaims:

"There's no use in running, ladies and gentlemen! The boy has a phenomenal memory!"

Getting Alzheimer's is like being famous because you won't recognize anybody, but everybody will recognize you...

Plus, if there's just one positive from getting Alzheimer's... It's laughing at the brand new jokes in this subreddit all day, everyday!

When I was a boy, my dad gave me money to go downtown and pay the electric bill

But instead, I bought raffle tickets for a chance to win a new truck.

I told my dad when I got home and he beat my ass.

The next morning, however, there was a brand new truck in the driveway.

We all held each other and cried, especially me because it was the truck from the electric company there to turn off the lights.

So dad beat my ass again

Bob forgot his wedding anniversary

His wife was mad. She told him tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE!!!

The next morning she saw a big gift wrapped box in the driveway. She rushed out, opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.

I bought my daughter a brand new fridge for her birthday.

I can't wait to see her face light up when she opens it....

I was looking for something to eat the other day & I found this Kentucky brand jelly my wife bought.

I tell you it don't matter, even if you put peanut butter on the bread too, you just can't make a decent sandwich with it. Got no taste.

I told her, "Woman, don't buy that KY jelly anymore!"

Brand new Grandson

My brand new baby Grandson's cord fell off today. Mom says he's officially wireless!

A blonde and a brunette are taking a break

The brunette pulls out a thermos and starts to sip coffee while eating her lunch. The blonde asks what's up with the funny looking flask. "It's a thermos flask, it keeps hot beverages hot, and cold beverages cold!" the blonde is enthused, and decides right away to get one herself.

The next day the blonde walks in the breakroom with a brand new thermos and shows it to the brunette. "Oh," the brunette remarks, "What do you have in there?"

"Two coffee and an ice cream!"

A coworker told me to live every day like it's a brand new year

I said I already do that
I wake up hung over.
I contemplate all the decisions I made the year before.
And I try to make resolutions and I always break them.

I love the smell of brand new cars.

You cant imagine my disappointment when i got my new Tesla. No smell of new leather, only Elon's Musk

My friend can't decide which designer brand to wear to dinner.

I'm sure Hilfiger it out.

My boss arrived at work in a brand new Lamborghini. I said wow that's an amazing car.

If you work hard, put all your hours in, and strive for excellence, I'll get another one next year.

How do you confuse a reddit user?

You post a brand new joke.


(O.C)

the job interview

An unemployed reverend walks into a bar and orders a glass of wine. "How did the interview at the church go today?" the bartender asks. "Not so good. They turned me down for the job, despite my 20 years of experience. They insisted they only want to interview brand new seminary graduates," the reverend replies. "I guess they were looking for greener pastors."

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the brand brand name condom jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working brand mileage piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes