Laughable Brake Jokes for Instant Grins & Giggles
*RANT TIME* Please can we stop with the flashing blue outdoor Christmas lights this year ?
Every time I come around the corner, I think it's the police and I have a panic attack.
I have to brake hard, toss my wine out the window, hide the w**..., fasten my seat belt, throw my phone on the floor, turn my radio down, and push the machete under the seat, all while trying to drive.
It's just too much drama, even for Christmas.
Thank you for your cooperation and understanding.
Silly Drunks.
A drunk phoned the police to report that thieves had been in his car.
"They've stolen the dashboard, the steering wheel, the brake pedal, even the accelerator!" he cried out.
However, before the police investigation could start, the phone rang a second time with the same voice on the line.
"Nevermind," he said with a hiccup. "I got in the back seat by mistake."
So I have this friend who's addicted to drinking brake fluid...
but he tells me not to worry, he can stop anytime he wants.
Oh man, I've got this mate thats addicted to drinking brake fluid.
He thinks he can stop at anytime.
An Amish Woman
Amish woman(riding a horse and buggy) gets pulled over because reflector on her buggy is broken.. cop says, you might want to have your husband look at your reflector He notices a rope wrapped around the horse's b**...… and ma'am, some folks might find that rope offensive . The lady later makes it home and tells her husband about the event. cop says the reflector is busted… and he didn't like the emergency brake neither
A police officer pulled over an Amish couple in a buggy
"Sir, I'm going to need you to remove the strap from around that horse's t**.... That's just inhumane."
"WHAT'S HE SAYIN'?", the old man asked his wife.
"I think there might be something wrong with the emergency brake."
Did you hear about the mechanic who was addicted to brake fluid?
He said he could stop at anytime.
My brakes failed the other day
And I got a c**... course on Newton's first law
I know a guy addicted to brake fluid
He says he can stop at any time
I work at a dealership, this guy there is addicted to brake fluid
but he says he can stop at anytime!
My friend is addicted to drinking brake fluids...
but he tells me that he can stop any time.
You can explore brake car reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean brake vehicle dad jokes. There are also brake puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
Did you hear about all the students who are using brake fluid to get high?
The teachers aren't too worried about it. The students can stop anytime.
It's not a problem
I know this guy who's addicted to brake fluid.
But it's OK he can stop whenever he wants.
Did you hear about the guy who drunk brake fluid everyday?
He's ok he can stop whenever he wants.
A plane just landed...
Little Kid: "Were almost home now they just have to park the plane."
His Dad: "Better hope they dont forget to put the parking brake on so we dont go back up."
I heard this on my plane ride and the Dad's family looked like they wanted to spit on him for his magnificent Dad joke.
Have you heard the joke about the guy addicted to brake fluid?
He says he can stop anytime.
Why did the brake pedal see a therapist?
Because it was depressed.
I saw a man drinking brake fluid.
But then he stopped.
I know someone who's addicted to brake fluid. They say they can stop any time.
I just drank another bottle of brake fluid.
My friends think I'm addicted, but I can stop when I want to.
I just met a guy addicted to brake fluid.
However, he was adamant that he could stop anytime.
I know this guy that's hooked on brake fluid
He said he could stop anytime.
My family insists i am addicted to drinking brake fluid.
But i can stop any time i want.
I have a lot in common with my brake rotors..
We're both warped and barely functioning.
My wife accused me of being addicted to drinking brake fluid.
I said I can stop any time I want.
TELL ME THIS WON'T HAPPEN TO ME
An elderly Floridian called 911 on her cell phone to report that her car has been broken into. She is hysterical as she explains her situation to the dispatcher: "They've stolen the stereo, the steering wheel, the brake pedal and even the accelerator!
" she cried. The dispatcher said, "Stay calm. An officer is on the way."
A few minutes later, the officer radios in.
"Disregard," he says. She got in the back-seat by mistake."
my friend is addicted to brake oil
he says he can stop any time he wants to.
I *SWEAR* I'm not addicted to brake fluid...
I can stop whenever I want
I was riding in my friend's car today when I noticed he didn't have a brake pedal.
He said it only slowed him down.
I think my friend is addicted to drinking brake fluid
He says he can stop anytime he wants
I'm not addicted to drinking brake fluid....
I can stop any time I want.
Doctor, doctor, I'm addicted to brake fluid!
Nonsense, you can stop anytime you want
How do you top a car?
Tep on the brake tupid.
Every time I put my key in the ignition, a light comes on that says, "depress clutch to start."
So I lean down and tell the clutch, "Everybody likes brake and accelerater better than you."
I know a guy addicted to drinking brake fluid...
I'm worried about him, but he insists he can stop anytime.
"Jimmy, I think you have a brake fluid problem."
"No I don't! I can stop anytime I want!"
Classic Cajun joke my grandpa told me.
So Boudreaux and Thibodeaux are heading to the bayou to check the trot lines. Boudreaux hooks his truck to his boat trailer and connects the trailer lights.
He says, "Thibodeaux, Check to see if my brake lights are working!"
As Boudreaux presses the brakes, Thibodeaux says, "Yea, they workin!"
Boudreaux turns on the right blinker and says, "Alright how about my blinkers?"
Thibodeaux says, "Yes, no, yes, no, yes!"
Why did the Muslim run over the pedestrians during Ramadan?
He couldn't brake fast
A recent study shows that 9 out of 10 people addicted to brake fluid...
...just can't stop.
So I'm in a bar the other day and the guy next to me was drinking brake fluid, I said "you know that stuffs no good for you?!"
He said, "its fine, I can stop anytime"
Why Did The Queen Wear Black Gloves To Princess Diana's f**...?
The white ones were covered in brake fluid.
My doctor told me to stop drinking brake fluid because I was too addicted
I told him I could stop at any time.
I'm addicted to brake fluid
But it's not so bad, i can stop anytime!
My friend has become addicted to brake fluid ...
He claims he can stop anytime.
I have a friend who is addicted to drinking brake fluid....
He insists that he can stop at any time
My girflriend was telling me about this guy on Strange Addictions who drinks a gallon of brake fluid every day
I guess the good thing is at least he can stop whenever he wants
Mafia Boss: I want the brake lines of this guy's car to be rusting.
Chemist: I'm listening.
Mafia Boss: But make sure..it looks like an oxidant.
Help! My brother has developed an addiction to drinking brake fluid.
Our family is worried but he says it's okay because he can stop whenever he wants.
Why are the brake discs of Miley Cyrus' car shaped like a human o**...?
'cause nothing brakes like a heart.
I got addicted to brake fluid...
... but I can stop anytime I want.
A local man is addicted to brake fluid...
Says he can stop at any time....
A drunk calls the police, and says,
"They stole my dashboard, they stole my steering wheel, they stole my brake pedal, they even stole my gas pedal.."
Then, before the cops can ask where he is, he says, "Hey, never mind, I'm in the back seat"
My wife said she's leaving me cause I'm addicted to drinking brake fluid
But I know I can stop any time I want
I told my therapist about my reoccurring dream where I c**... my car because it's missing the pedal that helps me stop
He said he thinks I need a brake
I have a drinking problem.
I'm addicted to drinking brake fluid.
But don't worry, I can stop at any time.
I've been standing in this place where they keep throwing car parts at me,
but I haven't been able to catch a brake.
Local man reportedly addicted to brake fluid,
Says he can stop whenever he wants.
I'm addicted to drinking brake fluid.
I just can't seem to stop.
A mate of mine just told me that he has been drinking brake fluid!
I told him how dangerous that is and how it could kill him if he keeps it up, but he said he can stop anytime he likes.
I don't know how to help my friend....
I don't know how to help my friend.... he's addicted to drinking brake fluid.
When I confront him he just tells me he "can stop any time he wants."
I'm addicted to brake fluid
It's ok I can stop anytime I want
A circus performer is stopped by the police for having a faulty brake light
As he approaches the car, the policeman spots a set of knives on the back seat.
He asks the man why he has them and doesn't he know it's against the law to carry knives?
The man explains that the knives are used in his act. He juggles them.
The policeman insists the man gets out to show him so he stands at the roadside performing his act.
Just then, another car drives by. The driver of the car turns to his wife and says, Thank goodness I gave up drinking, just look how the police do sobriety tests these days.
My wife is concerned at the amount of brake fluid I drink and thinks I may have a problem...
I told her "It's ok, I can stop whenever I want! "
I'm addicted to drinking brake fluid...
But I can stop when I want.
I have an addiction to brake fluid.
The good news is I can stop anytime I want.
What happens when you press on the gas and the brake pedals at the same time?
Your car takes a screenshot
Why did Titanic leave its date?
He couldn't brake the ice
I told my mate he should cut down on drinking brake fluid
He said: 'I can stop anytime I like'
I keep getting tickets for speeding, but like they say...
...it's a hard habit to brake.
A friend of mine recently admitted to being addicted to drinking brake fluid.
When I quizzed him on it, he reckoned he could stop any time.
A man says he has an addiction to brake fluid
It's okay though, he can stop whenever he wants.
My friends say my brake fluid habit is an addiction
But I can stop any time
My wife doesnt like that i drink brake fluid, i tell her
I can stop anytime
A friend of mine drinks a bottle of brake fluid a day.
He says he's not addicted and can stop any time.
I can see why Paul Walker jokes aren't funny anymore.
Poor guy can't catch a "brake".
(P.S. Happy Birthday Paul Walker. I wish u were still here)
I like huffing brake fluid, but don't worry:
I can stop any time I like.
