Brake Jokes
117 brake jokes and hilarious brake puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about brake that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Discover some of the funniest brake jokes from related topics, including jake brakes, air brakes, brake fluid, brake lights, brake jobs, brake repairs, deployments, axles, and cars. Laugh along to some of the best brake related memes and puns you can find!
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Funniest Brake Short Jokes
Short brake jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The brake humour may include short break jokes also.
- It really probably isn't safe for me to be driving my car right now, But hey, bad brakes have never stopped me before.
- My wife is concerned at the amount of brake fluid I drink and thinks I may have a problem... I told her "It's ok, I can stop whenever I want! "
- Every time I put my key in the ignition, a light comes on that says, "depress clutch to start." So I lean down and tell the clutch, "Everybody likes brake and accelerater better than you."
- A recent study shows that 9 out of 10 people addicted to brake fluid... ...just can't stop.
- So I have this friend who's addicted to drinking brake fluid... but he tells me not to worry, he can stop anytime he wants.
- My girflriend was telling me about this guy on Strange Addictions who drinks a gallon of brake fluid every day I guess the good thing is at least he can stop whenever he wants
- My girlfriend hates it when I tap the brakes to make the car bounce when I listen to hiphop. But when I think about it, she never did like brakedancing.
- I told my mate he should cut down on drinking brake fluid He said: 'I can stop anytime I like'
- My friend is addicted to drinking brake fluids... but he tells me that he can stop any time.
- I can see why Paul Walker jokes aren't funny anymore. Poor guy can't catch a "brake".
(P.S. Happy Birthday Paul Walker. I wish u were still here)
Share These Brake Jokes With Friends
Brake One Liners
Which brake one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with brake? I can suggest the ones about braces and grip.
- I *SWEAR* I'm not addicted to brake fluid... I can stop whenever I want
- I'm not addicted to drinking brake fluid.... I can stop any time I want.
- I know a guy addicted to brake fluid He says he can stop at any time
- Once you start buying cheap brakes..... You won't be able to stop
- I'm going through a lot right now. Mostly because my car brakes stopped working.
- "Jimmy, I think you have a brake fluid problem." "No I don't! I can stop anytime I want!"
- Walter Jr. had to use both feet to operate the pedals. He was braking bad.
- Why did Walter White go to the auto repair shop? Because he was Braking Bad.
- I always remember my dads last words "HIT THE BRAKES SON!!!!"
- I like huffing brake fluid, but don't worry: I can stop any time I like.
- I keep getting tickets for speeding, but like they say... ...it's a hard habit to brake.
- Why did Titanic leave its date? He couldn't brake the ice
- What is the worst part of being a mechanic? Always working on Brakes.
- I saw a man drinking brake fluid. But then he stopped.
- Did you hear that Mr. White rear-ended someone? Braking Bad
Brake Fluid Jokes
Here is a list of funny brake fluid jokes and even better brake fluid puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- My doctor told me to stop drinking brake fluid because I was too addicted I told him I could stop at any time.
- I know a guy addicted to drinking brake fluid... I'm worried about him, but he insists he can stop anytime.
- I don't know how to help my friend.... I don't know how to help my friend.... he's addicted to drinking brake fluid.
When I confront him he just tells me he "can stop any time he wants." - Did you hear about the guy who drunk brake fluid everyday? He's ok he can stop whenever he wants.
- Did you hear about all the students who are using brake fluid to get high? The teachers aren't too worried about it. The students can stop anytime.
- So I'm in a bar the other day and the guy next to me was drinking brake fluid, I said "you know that stuffs no good for you?!" He said, "its fine, I can stop anytime"
- Doctor, doctor, I'm addicted to brake fluid! Nonsense, you can stop anytime you want
- My mechanic thinks i'm in denial over my brake fluid leak. But he's wrong; I can stop any time i want.
- Why Can't the Guy Addicted to Brake Fluid Quit? He couldn't stop.
- I'm addicted to brake fluid My friends tell me that it's really dangerous, but I can stop any time I want.
Brake Light Jokes
Here is a list of funny brake light jokes and even better brake light puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I hooked up my accelerator pedal in my car to my brake lights I hit the gas, people behind me stop, and I'm gone.
- Limp bizkit rear ended someone at a stop light Onlookers said it looked like he was going to brake, but he just kept rollin rollin rollin rollin.
- A guys hits the brakes hard on a Maybach at the stop light. Behind him a Geo tries to stop but he can't make it and hits him in the back. On the Maybach's computer: New hardware detected. Install?
- I walked into a car dealership today They told me it would be $30 to replace a brake light bulb
Air Brake Jokes
Here is a list of funny air brake jokes and even better air brake puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- A blonde joke Truckers should get Did you hear about the blonde who tried to kill her trucker husband? She cut the lines to his truck's air brakes
- How do birds stop? Air brakes.
Laughable Brake Jokes for Instant Grins & Giggles
What funny jokes about brake you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean bicycle jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make brake pranks.
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A punishment should always fit the crime.
If someone cuts in line, you cut their brake line.
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
*RANT TIME* Please can we stop with the flashing blue outdoor Christmas lights this year ?
Every time I come around the corner, I think it's the police and I have a panic attack.
I have to brake hard, toss my wine out the window, hide the w**..., fasten my seat belt, throw my phone on the floor, turn my radio down, and push the machete under the seat, all while trying to drive.
It's just too much drama, even for Christmas.
Thank you for your cooperation and understanding.
Silly Drunks.
A drunk phoned the police to report that thieves had been in his car.
"They've stolen the dashboard, the steering wheel, the brake pedal, even the accelerator!" he cried out.
However, before the police investigation could start, the phone rang a second time with the same voice on the line.
"Nevermind," he said with a hiccup. "I got in the back seat by mistake."
One day an auto mechanic was working under a car...
and some brake fluid accidentally dripped into his mouth.
"Wow," he thought to himself. "That stuff tastes good!"
The next day he told a friend about his amazing discovery.
"It's really good," he said. "I think I'll have a little more today."
His friend was concerned but didn't say anything. The next day the mechanic told his friend he'd drunk an entire cup full of the brake fluid.
"It's great stuff!"
A few days later he was up to a bottle a day. And now his friend was really worried.
"Don't you know brake fluid is toxic? It's very bad for you," said the friend. "You'd better stop drinking it."
"Hey, no problem," he said. "I can stop any time."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An Amish Woman
Amish woman(riding a horse and buggy) gets pulled over because reflector on her buggy is broken.. cop says, you might want to have your husband look at your reflector He notices a rope wrapped around the horse's b**...… and ma'am, some folks might find that rope offensive . The lady later makes it home and tells her husband about the event. cop says the reflector is busted… and he didn't like the emergency brake neither
Why did the vampire brake up with his girlfriend?
Because she wasn't his type.
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A police officer pulled over an Amish couple in a buggy
"Sir, I'm going to need you to remove the strap from around that horse's t**.... That's just inhumane."
"WHAT'S HE SAYIN'?", the old man asked his wife.
"I think there might be something wrong with the emergency brake."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My brakes failed the other day
And I got a c**... course on Newton's first law
What do you call a pig behind a car wheel?
A ham brake !
2 Newfies are landing a airplane
2 Newfies are landing an airplane. The pilot says to the co-pilot, "That runway looks pretty short, better give me half flaps". "Roger" says the co-pilot. The pilot says, "That runway is really short, better give me 3/4 flaps." After a second, the pilot screams, "The runway is REALLY short, give me full flaps and brake hard as soon as we touch down!". The plane lands and come to a screeching halt immediately. The co-pilot says, "Wow, that runway was really short" and the pilot says, "Yes, but look how wide it is."
So, I was working on my truck today..
And the brake cleaner started to get me high I forgot what I was doing.
So, I was working on my truck today...
A plane just landed...
Little Kid: "Were almost home now they just have to park the plane."
His Dad: "Better hope they dont forget to put the parking brake on so we dont go back up."
I heard this on my plane ride and the Dad's family looked like they wanted to spit on him for his magnificent Dad joke.
You've been buying too many brake pads recently and it's a problem.
"No it isn't! I can stop whenever I want!"
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My sergeant just told me this...
Im going to get an old car, take a sledge hammer to the back bumper repeatedly , then get a bumper sticker that says "I brake for tailgaters."
I dated a girl with a wooden leg once.
But I had to brake it off.
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
They should call the "Emergency Brake" the "All-h**... Brake"
Because if it fails on a step hill, then "All-h**... brake's loose."
Why did the brake pedal see a therapist?
Because it was depressed.
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How do you turn a fruit into a vegetable?
Cut the brake lines on his Prius.
What's the difference between a squirrel and a politician lying dead in a ditch?
There are brake marks before the squirrel.
I'm sorry officer, I thought this was the brake pedal..
I kept not stopping, so I pressed it harder.
Tonight on My Strange Addition
Man addicted to brake fluid claims he can stop at any time
Did you hear about the brake pedal who had to leave his job?
He had to stop when he got depressed
I think my friend is addicted to snorting brake dust
But he insists he can stop any time he wants to
I literally drove through the Drive-thru at Burger King.
But I'm a new driver. Why don't you give me a brake?
I have a lot in common with my brake rotors..
We're both warped and barely functioning.
Who has the fastest brain in the world?
Steven Hawking with a brake failure!
I was riding in my friend's car today when I noticed he didn't have a brake pedal.
He said it only slowed him down.
What do you do when you see a runaway bus full of overworked employees?
You give them a brake.
i used to ride my bike a lot
until recently i decided to take a brake from it
So I've been digging into this whole Elon thing
I musk say that this whole boring machine isn't so. It's groundbreaking and I'm glad he decided to brake ground on this project
Classic Cajun joke my grandpa told me.
So Boudreaux and Thibodeaux are heading to the bayou to check the trot lines. Boudreaux hooks his truck to his boat trailer and connects the trailer lights.
He says, "Thibodeaux, Check to see if my brake lights are working!"
As Boudreaux presses the brakes, Thibodeaux says, "Yea, they workin!"
Boudreaux turns on the right blinker and says, "Alright how about my blinkers?"
Thibodeaux says, "Yes, no, yes, no, yes!"
Brake Fluid
A mechanic was working under a car when some brake fluid dripped into his mouth. At first he spit it out, but he found that the aftertaste was not tha bad. He continued working under the car when some more brake fluid found its way into his mouth. This time he swallowed. He really liked the taste of brake fluid! Soon enough, his coworkers found him drinking brake fluid from a cup in the shop. "I don't think that's safe" a concerned coworker pleaded. "You should not be drinking anymore brake fluid, dude" another said. "Don't worry" the mechanic assured them, "I can stop anytime!".
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why did the Muslim run over the pedestrians during Ramadan?
He couldn't brake fast
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why Did The Queen Wear Black Gloves To Princess Diana's f**...?
The white ones were covered in brake fluid.
How do you stop a food truck?
The Lunch brake
Yesterday was brutal. I forgot to apply the parking brake on my car...
And then it just went downhill from there.
I stole a dog from the car repairing shop.
But on the ride home, he made a brake for it.
i got brake checked by vladimir
he wasnt putin up with my russian
I took the brakes off my bike
They were slowing me down
TIFU by using the parking brake in the highway
jk lol
Did you hear about the guy drinking brake fluid?
He couldn't stop
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
If Daequans GF brake up with him what would he say
Wha...wha...what do you meen, this life is d**...
How many feet does it take to stop a car from 60mph?
Two - one for the brake and one for the clutch.
3 guys were riding in a car; a hardware technician, a systems analyst and a programmer.
The systems analyst is driving and when they come to a steep hill he finds that the brakes have failed and the car is accelerating out of control.
So, he pumps the emergency brake, downshifts the gears, and rubs the wheels' rims against the curb. He finally wrestles the car to a stop. The three climb out and assess the situation.
Hardware tech: "Let's try and fix it. I'll crawl under the car and take a look. "
Systems analyst: "No. I think we should get someone qualified to fix it, a specialist in brakes."
Programmer: "Why don't we just get back in and see if it happens again?
What did Tim say to Tam?
Tim: Why did you brake up with me?
Tam: KitKat just does it for me.
Why do we do shorten emergency brake to e-brake, but we don't shorten parking brake to p-brake?
Because it's really inconvenient to have a p-brake while you're driving.
Dad joke
I had an uncle Joey who used to drink brake fluid. When we tried to stage an intervention, he said "Nonsense, I can stop any time."
Mafia Boss: I want the brake lines of this guy's car to be rusting.
Chemist: I'm listening.
Mafia Boss: But make sure..it looks like an oxidant.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why are the brake discs of Miley Cyrus' car shaped like a human o**...?
'cause nothing brakes like a heart.
A drunk calls the police, and says,
"They stole my dashboard, they stole my steering wheel, they stole my brake pedal, they even stole my gas pedal.."
Then, before the cops can ask where he is, he says, "Hey, never mind, I'm in the back seat"
We offer the cheapest brake service in town!
Once you start coming here you won't be able to stop!
What does a car thief do when he's tired?
He takes a brake.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I told my therapist about my reoccurring dream where I c**... my car because it's missing the pedal that helps me stop
He said he thinks I need a brake
I've been standing in this place where they keep throwing car parts at me,
but I haven't been able to catch a brake.
A circus performer is stopped by the police for having a faulty brake light
As he approaches the car, the policeman spots a set of knives on the back seat.
He asks the man why he has them and doesn't he know it's against the law to carry knives?
The man explains that the knives are used in his act. He juggles them.
The policeman insists the man gets out to show him so he stands at the roadside performing his act.
Just then, another car drives by. The driver of the car turns to his wife and says, Thank goodness I gave up drinking, just look how the police do sobriety tests these days.
What happens when you press on the gas and the brake pedals at the same time?
Your car takes a screenshot
A mechanic was secretly drinking brake fluid at the garage where he worked. On some days he would even drink a whole pint of the stuff. One day his boss found out and confronted him about it.
The mechanic said It won't become a problem, boss, I swear I can stop whenever I want!
