Brain Jokes
144 brain jokes and hilarious brain puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about brain that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
This article explores the no-so-serious side of neuroscience, with a collection of jokes and puns based around brain implants, Cerebro, and neural networks. Enjoy a few laughs while learning more about the brain!
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Funniest Brain Short Jokes
Short brain jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The brain humour may include short bone jokes also.
- COVID-19 is not a joke and should be taken seriously A former patient was so brain damaged afterwards that he wrongly believed he'd won an election that he actually lost by 7 million votes.
- A doctor says "The good news is it's all in your head." "The bad news is it's brain cancer."
- My daughter just got me good… I said, Did you know you can always see your own nose and your brain just ignores it? She said yeah because it nose it's there
- Trump has two parts of brain, 'left' and 'right'. In the left side, there's nothing right.
In the right side, there's nothing left. - I recently discovered I can move my sister's daughters through the air with my brain but not her sons. I think I have telekinieces.
- Buzzfeed employee is diagnosed with stage 2 brain cancer Doctor: Number 4 will blow your mind.
- What's the difference between an anti-vaxxer and a hot dog? The hot dog might actually have some brains in it.
- I joined a religion where flatbread tells us about god. Its a naan prophet organization.
I have no idea why this was the first thing my brain did when I woke up this morning. - So my wife said to me, "I swear, it's like all men share one brain" I wanted to think of a clever comeback, but it wasn't my turn to use the brain
- A dad joke "Dad I'm hungry."
"Hi hungry, I'm dead."
"Haha, you mean dad."
"No. I have inoperable brain cancer."
"...wha-"
"I've been waiting for the right moment to tell you."
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Brain One Liners
Which brain one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with brain? I can suggest the ones about biology and mental.
- At first, my girlfriend didn't want to get a brain transplant then I changed her mind
- What do you call a politician with half a brain? Gifted.
- I didn't plan on getting a brain transplant... But then I changed my mind.
- I wasn't originally going to get a brain transplant but then I changed my mind
- (For big brains only) What do you call a car when it turns into a driveway? A driveway.
- Brain transplants will never be possible. Change my mind.
- How did the dentist become a brain surgeon? His hand slipped.
- What do you call a brain eating parasite in The USA? Malnourished.
- What do you call a fish that performs brain surgeries? A neurosturgeon
- What has more brains than Kurt Cobain? The wall behind him.
- I always thought a brain transplant was far too risky. Then I changed my mind...
- How do uou describe a person during brain surgery? Open-minded
- Did you hear about the guy born without a brain? Never mind.
- Ah the human brain... Really makes you think, doesn't it?
- What do single male zombies look for in a woman? Brains.
Brain Cells Jokes
Here is a list of funny brain cells jokes and even better brain cells puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Brain cells die, skin cells die, hair cells die But fat cells must have accepted jesus as their lord savior because of their eternal life
- What does a single brain cell need? A cellmate
- How do blondes' brain cells die? Alone
- What do you call a snail on a ship? A snailor
(My nephew is watching Spongebob please send help my brain cells are leaving one by one) - To be stung by a mosquito is not very pleasant. But the thought that an insect with just 10 brain cells could mess up your entire night is something quite different.
- What makes a kids' show good? The kids only having a few brain cells.
- I have two brain cells. One for each side of a pentagon.
- What do you call a grandma that know martial arts? A grandmartial artist.
I apologise for any lost brain cells. - You will never have more energy or enthusiasm, hair, or brain cells than you have today.
- What do you call 10000 heads and 1 brain cell? A gay pride parade
Brain Surgeon Jokes
Here is a list of funny brain surgeon jokes and even better brain surgeon puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Did you hear about the brain surgeon who was thinking of performing a brain transplant on himself? He ended up having a change of mind.
- A surgeon told me I was in grave need of a brain transplant. I refused, telling her she wouldn't change my mind.
- I went in to get a brain transplant.. ..thankfully the surgeon managed to change my mind.
- Why do brain surgeons begin operations early? So they can work ahead
- What do you call a group of brain surgeons? A neural network.
- Where do Brain Surgeon Students go to study? The Hippocampus
- What did a brain surgeon order at a restaurant? A seizure salad
- A career change can happen quickly in today's society. For example, there once was a dentist who became a brain surgeon within a matter of seconds.
All it took was for his drill to slip. - I had a great conversation with the world's leading brain surgeon.. Best cab ride ever
- The patient said to the Brain-surgeon. I can't seem to get you out of my mind.
Brain Parts Jokes
Here is a list of funny brain parts jokes and even better brain parts puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Most Fascinating Part of the Body I used to think the brain was the most fascinating part of the body but then i realized "pssssh, look what's telling me that"
- They say the brain is the most important part of the body... But think about who's telling us that.
- Donald Trump's brain has two parts. The right part and the left part but,
The right part has nothing left.
The left part has nothing right. - Why does the brain experience so much anxiety? Because it's part of the nervous system
- My brain is like an F-22 Raptor Aging, no longer in production and spare parts not available.
- When I get bitten by insects, one part of my brain is like be smart, leave it alone . The other part is like… Scratch that
- What part of the brain regulates elk-like behaviour? The hypothalamoose.
- What part of your brain loves plants the most? The ceTREEbral cortex.
- What's the worst part of having a human brain in a robot body? Can't fly
- [OC] Where does the animal part of your brain go to study? The Hippocampus
Brain Damage Jokes
Here is a list of funny brain damage jokes and even better brain damage puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- My friend crashed his motorbike. He's brain-damaged and both his legs are broken.
You know, I'm really not surprised that he crashed his bike then. - COVID-19 can damage the heart, lung, and brain. Luckily for Trump, he just needs to worry about lung damage.
- Two men walk into a bar They walk away with a concussion and brain damage
- If I could describe all the horrible things that a lifetime of inhaling paint has done to me in one word, ... ... that word would be brain damage.
- Q tips can cause brain damage. Be careful not to put disinformation too far into your ear canal.
- What are you watching tonight? The game where players make enough money to risk getting brain damage, or the debate where the players already have brain damage?
- If I had a nickel If I had a nickel for every time I hit my head, I'd have brain damage.
- What is it called when starvation causes brain damage? A hungry hungry hippocampus!
- I was in a horrible accident a few years ago, and I suffered some brain damage and lost feeling to my whole left side. I'm feeling all right now
- Pain is temporary... Brain damage is forever.
Fun-Filled Brain Jokes to Boost Your Mood
What funny jokes about brain you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean cerebral jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make brain pranks.
An 85 year old man goes to his doctor for his annual checkup...
... Doc says, Mr. Jones, I have bad news and worse news.
"Whats the worse news?"
"You have a relatively large brain tumor that is very aggressive and the treatment options are almost nonexistent, so I'm afraid you have about 6 months to live."
Mr. Jones hangs his head for a couple moments and looks up to ask, "And the bad news?"
"you have Alzheimers."
Mr. Jones frowns and says, "well, at least I don't have cancer."
Anyone there?
Once upon a time there was a female brain cell that by mistake happened to end up in a man's head.
She looked around nervously but it was all empty and quiet.
"Hello?" she cried, but no answer.
"Is there anyone here?" she cried a little louder, but still no answer.
Now the female brain cell started to feel alone and scared and again she yelled:
"HELLO, IS THERE ANYONE HERE!!?"
Then she heard a voice from far, far away:
"Hello! We're down here..."
Three Engineers
A mechanical engineer, an electrical engineer and a civil engineer are sitting around and talking about God.
The mechanical engineer says, "God is a mechanical engineer. Just look at the human body - a light-weight skeleton with moving parts holding up a massive frame of muscle and fat. God must be a mechanical engineer!"
The electrical engineer disagrees. "No, no. God is an electrical engineer. Just look at the human body - the nerve system routes electrical signals to the brain which is essentially a computer. God must be an electrical engineer!"
The civil engineer disagrees. "No, no. God is a civil engineer. Just look at the human body - only a civil engineer would run a toxic waste pipe through a playground."
A man was on a plane...
A man was on a plane when a stewardess approached him and said "Would you like some headphones?" To which the man replied "Yes I would, but how did you know my name was Phones?"
*
So broccoli was having a conversation with some of his friends...
The broccoli said: "I look like a tree!"
The mushroom said: "I look like an umbrella!"
The walnut said: "I look like a brain!"
The banana said: "Can we please change the subject?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
B'dum tsss
A collection of jokes I have found over the years about drummers.
**NOTE:** Before you get offended, I AM A DRUMMER. I FIND THESE FUNNY TOO.
1. What do you call a drummer in a suit? The defendant
2. How can you tell a drummer's at the door? The knocking speeds up
3. What do you call a drummer with half a brain? Gifted
4. What does a drummer use for contraception? His personality
5. Did you hear about the drummer who finished high school? Me neither
6. What did the drummer say to the band leader? "Do you want me to play too fast or too slow?"
7. How many drummers does it take to screw in a light bulb? Five: One to screw it in, four to say that Neil Peart could've done it better
8. Why do guitarists put drumsticks on the dash of their car? So that they can use the handicapped parking space
9. How do you get a drummer off your porch? Give him the money for the pizza
10. What do you call a guy who hangs out with musicians? A drummer
Anyone got any more?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My Grandma E-Mailed me this one
When you drink v**... over ice, it can give you kidney failure.
When you drink r**... over ice, it can give you liver failure.
When you drink whiskey over ice, it can give you heart problems.
When you drink gin over ice, it can give you brain problems.
Apparently, ice is really bad for you. Warn all your friends.
TIL: Due to the placebo effect, if you tilt your head back, close your eyes, and pretend as if you're shaking a salt-shaker into your mouth, your brain will cause you to actually taste salt
The human brain is amazing
It functions 24 hours a day, everyday since we were born and only stops when taking an exam.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The brain
The brain is a amazing o**... it works 24 hours a day 365 days a year from the day you are born until you see your first woman n**....
Table manners
Teacher:"Michael, if you were on a date having dinner with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?"
Michael: 'Just a minute I have to go pee.'
Teacher: 'That would be rude and impolite. What about you Sherman, how would you say it?'
Sherman: 'I am sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom. I'll be right back.'
Teacher:'That's better, but it's still not very nice to say the word bathroom at the dinner table. And you, little Johnny, can you use your brain for once and show us your good manners?'
Johnny: 'I would say: Darling, may I please be excused for a moment? I have to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, whom I hope to introduce to you after dinner.'
My brain made a vote today
Seven against five decided that we did not have dissociative personality disorder.
Met a woman at the bar the other night
She was absolutely stunning. At least at 11/10. I asked her where she's from and what she does. She said "I live around here, and I'm a brain surgeon."
Now I don't know if it's sexist of me, but I was really impressed.
Most women can't pull off sarcasm.
A neurosurgeon is preparing his patient for a brain transplant...
He tells the patient: "Would you like a woman's brain or a man's brain?"
"Why are there options?" the patient asks.
"Well," replies the Surgeon, "the woman's brain is half the price of the man's!
"Why is it half price?" asks the man.
"Because it's used!"
Husband: "Honey, at work I fainted, and Natalie took me to the doctor. He says I need a brain surgery in 72 hours and blood transfusion also."
Wife: "Who is Natalie?"
What's the difference between a man and an octopus?
Octopus: eight tentacles, each its own neural structure that offloads work from the brain
Human Male: one tentacle which controls brain
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Brainless Lawyers
In a m**... trial, the defense attorney was cross-examining the coroner:
"Before you signed the death certificate, did you take the pulse, listen to the heart or check for breathing?"
"No."
"So, when you signed the death certificate, you weren't sure the man was dead, were you?"
"Well, the man's brain was in a jar on my desk, but I suppose he could have still been practicing law for a living."
A man in need of a brain
A man was dying in the hospital and he needed a new brain or he wouldn't survive for long, the doctor told him there were 3 available brains but each with a price.
The first one was an professor's brain that costs 3000 dollar
The second brain was a teachers brain that costs 2500 dollar
The third brain was the brain of a blonde woman that costs a good 9000 dollar
The man asks why the blondes brain is so expensive
The doctor replies: because it's never used
As a child I was always taught there is a brain in my skull.
Now I can't get it out of my head.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Did you hear about the brain implant that can fix s**...?
It's called a bullet.
I have qualities of both Albert Einstein and Arnold Schwarzenegger
Body of Einstein, brain of Schwarzenegger
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call a blonde with half a brain?
Gifted
Dave was trying to figure out what he would get his wife for her birthday...
Tired of racking his brain, he flat out asked her what she wanted. She replied "I want something that goes from 0 to 200 in 3 seconds." So he bought her a bathroom scale.
Dave hasn't been heard from or seen since Thursday.
The Truth About The Beatles
John was the brain
Paul was the heart
George was the spirit
Ringo was the drummer
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I always thought the brain was the most important o**......
... then I realized what o**... was telling me that.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
So, there are two men.
They know each other for years now. Frank, a brain surgeon from new york and Ahmad a former r**... from syria.
Both men want to build an house and decide to build their houses in the very same street, next to each other. They even ask the architect to just copy the first house!
And when the houses are built Ahmad says to Frank: "My house is worth more than yours."
"How can that be? We both live next to each other!"
"Yes"
"Our houses were built identically, with the same materials."
"True."
"So how can it be, Ahmad?"
"Very simple: I live next to a brain surgeon and you live next to a r**...!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A zombie walks into a brain store
On the shelves, a pound of C++ programmers' brain sells for $500, of Java programmers, $1000, and of PHP programmers, $1,000,000. The zombie gets confused and asks the store owner why PHP programmers' brain is so much more expensive. The owner says "do you know how many PHP programmers I kill to get one pound of brain?"
Some bloke started talking to me in the pub last night.
"My mate came off his motorbike today," he said.
"Oh really?" I asked.
"Yes," he replied. "He has slight brain damage, two broken arms and is completely blind in one eye."
"Blimey," I said. "No wonder he came off it then."
A man went to a brain store to get a brain to complete a study.
He sees a sign indicating the nationality of each type of brain. He begins to question the butcher about the cost of these brains.
"How much does it cost for an Americans brain?"
"Three dollars an ounce."
"How much does it cost for a Japaneese brain?"
"ten dollars an ounce."
"How much for a Frenchmen's brain?"
"$1,000 an ounce."
"Why is a Frenchmen's brain so much more?"
"Do you know how many French men we had to use to get one ounce of brain?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Hey girl are u a brain tumor?
Cuz i cant get u outta my head and its killing me
What soft and wrinkly but gets sharper when you use it?
Your brain! (This joke brought to you by one of my 2nd grade students. I told him it was so good I was going to put it on the internet.)
My teacher told a joke today in class, and I thought I would share it here
He said, "When brain transplants are possible, I would get a brain of a racist. You know why? Because they have never been used before".
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A doctor gives a man bad news
Doctor: You have brain cancer.
Man: What? I want a second opinion!
Doctor: You're also unappealing to the opposite s**....
"I have the brain of a german shepherd and the body of a teenage boy.
They're both in my trunk and I want you to see them."
The doctor said to me, Your brain seems to have deleted all information about 80's pop music! I gasped, Yikes! What's The Cure?!
He yowled, Oh my God! It's worse than I thought!
A trip to the doctor...
Doctor: "You'll be thrilled to hear that you don't have cancer in your liver. It was all in your head!"
Me: "Oh great!"
Doctor: "No, brain cancer is way worse."
An alien walks into a human brain shop
Vendor: Welcome, unfortunately we are very limited on brains right now and there are only 2 available.
Alien: I'll take a look.
Vendor: Well, here's the brain of Albert Einstein. He was very intelligent and was the reason behind much of human science. This is priced at $2. Here is the brain of someone who has watched every single "Keeping up with the Kardashians" episodes ever. It's listed at $200.
Alien: Woah, you're trying to rip me off. Why is the brain of someone that dumb worth so much?
Vendor: Simple, because this brain hasn't been used before.
Fred is a hippo who goes to a University where everyone is a hippo
One day, someone asked Fred where to find the medical building. Fred replied, "Its over there and to the left. I do brain research in there."
Fred is an expert on the hippocampus.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What has more brains than o**... Bin Laden?
The wall behind him
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Men's brains
My girlfriend told me that Men's brains are all in their p**.... I told her that I like it when she blows my mind.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What had more brains than h**...?
The wall behind him.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
British doctor says: "In Britain, medicine is so advanced
British doctor says: "In Britain, medicine is so advanced that we cut out a man's liver, put it in another man, and in 6 weeks, he is looking for a job."
The German doctor says: "That's nothing,
in Germany we took part of a brain, put it in another man, and in 4 weeks he is looking for a job."
The Russian doctor says: "Gentlemen, we took half a heart from a man, put it in another's chest, and in 2 weeks he is looking for a job."
The American doctor laughs: "You are all behind us. 4 years ago, we took a man with no brain, no heart, and no liver and made him President.
Now, the whole country is looking for a job!"
Doctor: Your brain fell out after your accident, but we managed to put it back in.
Me: Thanks for reminding me.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Trump has 2 parts of his brain, the right part and the left part
The right part has nothing left
And the left part got nothing right
I finally figured out what's wrong with my brain!
On the left side, there is nothing right.
On the right side, there is nothing left.
Since COVID-19, I have the body of a 50 year old, the brain of a 40 year old and the heart of a 25 year old.
All tucked away nicely in my freezer!
I heard they can do brain transplants now! I was all set to do it....
...but my local doctor changed my mind.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Recently my friend passed away, and we saved his brain onto a massive computer
Rest in PC
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A doctor has s**... with a patient
A doctor has s**... with a patient. And the guilt is killing him, it goes against the ethics code every doctor swears by.
So one part of his brain tells him: "don't worry, you're not the first guy to sleep with a patient, and you definitely won't be the last. You're a bachelor too, it's fiiiine"
The other part of his brain says: "Bro, you're a vet"
People these days recoil at the idea of brain transplants becoming possible in the near future.
Just wait until we develop the technology. They'll change their minds.
Keeping tropical fish at home can have a truly calming effect on the brain.
Due to all the indoor fins.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The brain is the most important o**... in your body
\- *According to the brain*
An 85-year-old grandfather was rushed to the hospital with no memory and brain damage.
The doctor asked him a series of questions:
Do you know where you are?
I'm at Rex Hospital.
What city are you in?
Raleigh.
Do you know who I am?
Dr. Hamilton.
the old grandfather then turned to the nurse and said, I hope he doesn't ask me any more questions. Why? she asked. Because all of those answers were on his badge.
guys i have copied this joke and edited formating. its not my original creation.
A man walks into a brain store to buy a new brain
He goes to the clerk and says
"Hello, I'd like to purchase a new brain".
The clerk replies with "Sure, here are some of our brains we have on sale"
"Here's the brain of a physicist, 5 dollars."
"Here's our second deal for today. The brain of an anti-vaxxer, 10,000 dollars".
The man, completely confused, asks "Why is the brain of an anti-vaxxer more expensive than of a physicist?"
"Because it's never been used" The clerk replies.
Thank you.
I read the post from u/AndiPandi92 about how she woke her dad up every morning with a joke from this subreddit. It is a beautiful post as are the comments. It inspired me to do the same for my dad. I already see him once a week - he has had seven strokes, can hardly talk but has an enormous brain capacity - very sharp and an easy laugh. I have told him jokes for two days and both times he laughed so tears fell down his cheeks (my mom told me afterwards) and he say thank you afterwards.
So thank you from me and my dad - you are all awesome ❤
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do brain damage and m**... have in common?
After the first few strokes, there's no going back.
The stomach is smarter than the brain.
Because the stomach warns you when it is empty, the brain does not.
Finally, a fact both Democrats and Republicans can agree on!
"Anyone with half a brain knows Trump won."
Scientists say we only use 15% of our brain
I'm wondering what we do with the remaining 65%?
Cross-examination of a coroner
"Did you check the victim's pulse?"
"No, I did not."
"Did you check if the victim's breathing had stopped?"
"No, I did not."
"Did you check for any signs of brainwave activity?"
"No, I did not."
"Then how do you even know the victim is dead?"
"Well, his brain is in a jar on my desk right now, but for all I know he might be out practicing law somewhere."
A brain walked into a bar
When it asked for a drink, the bartender said "We can't serve you - you must be outta your head!"
