Boyfriend Jokes
182 boyfriend jokes and hilarious boyfriend puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about boyfriend that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Are you looking for a good laugh? Then look no further than this collection of boyfriend jokes! From the mean to the silly to the utterly outrageous, these jokes are sure to bring out a smile. Whether it's a revenge prank on an April Fool's Day or an impromptu roast of your friend Lana's boyfriend, these jokes are sure to attract laughs. So grab your girl and her boyfriend and get ready to enjoy these hilarious jokes!
Quick Jump To
- Short Boyfriend Jokes
- Boyfriend One Liners
- Girlfriend & Boyfriend Jokes
- Girlfriend Boyfriend Jokes
- Boyfriend Day Jokes
- Daughters Boyfriend Jokes
- Boyfriend Girlfriend Jokes
- More Boyfriend Jokes
Funniest Boyfriend Short Jokes
Short boyfriend jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The boyfriend humour may include short boys jokes also.
- My boyfriend keeps talking about overthrowing capitalism in a violent revolution Could this be a red flag?
- I'm tired of all these forced gender neutral terms The girl I'm going out with insist on calling me just friend instead of boyfriend
- My boyfriend is upset that I have no sense of direction. So I packed up my stuff and right.
- My girlfriend was really angry when I gave her a box of photos of all her old boyfriends for her birthday. I don't know why, she said she wanted an ex box.
- My boyfriend doesn't know me at all, he keeps giving me birds as gifts, and I don't understand it. Should we break up?
- Today I came out to my parents, and my dad instantly wanted to disown me. Luckily, his boyfriend talked him out of it
- Daughter: Mom, I have a new boyfriend, our neighbor joe. Mom: But he could be your father! Daughter: Age is not that important to me.
Mom: That's not what I was talking about. - My daughters boyfriend still doesn't know how to tie his shoe... Every time I walk in her room that's all she's doing.
- (Nerdy joke) Two chicks walk into a bar... Two chicks walk into a bar. One says to the other,"Have you ever heard of the Bechdel test?" The other says,"Yeah, my boyfriend was telling me about it the other day."
- My boyfriend left me because of my anxiety issues... Oh, wait. He just went to the kitchen to grab some coffee.
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Boyfriend One Liners
Which boyfriend one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with boyfriend? I can suggest the ones about daughter and mates.
- I should've known my boyfriend was a communist. There were plenty of red flags.
- My boyfriend and I always laugh about how competitive we are But I laugh harder
- How is Rihanna's boyfriend and power tools the same? They're both Black and Decker.
- Me: Hello darkness my old friend Darkness: I have a boyfriend.
- I'd like to thank my boyfriend for translating "mucho" for me It means a lot
- My boyfriend just left me because I have anxiety attacks.
- Looks like we got about 4 inches of snow last night Or as my boyfriend calls it... 7.
- My russian boyfriend only writes in lowercase letters... He doesn't like Capitalism
- A vegan, a girl with a boyfriend and a student walk into a bar.. Who tells you first?
- My boyfriend is an atheist and treats me like a goddess He acts like I don't exist.
- I forgot who Rihanna's boyfriend was But then it hit me
- My boyfriend never gets my fruit puns Perhaps I should let this mango.
- I don't need a boyfriend.
- My boyfriend is like the forest floor Nuts and leaves
- I didn't fall for my boyfriend His third leg just tripped me
Girlfriend & Boyfriend Jokes
Here is a list of funny girlfriend & boyfriend jokes and even better girlfriend & boyfriend puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Girlfriend: "One day I will marry and a lot of men will be sad that day." Boyfriend: "Wow, how many men do you plan to marry?"
- I asked my girlfriend if looks and money were important to her when choosing a boyfriend... she said "Clearly not."
:-( - I think my girlfriend has had sixty-one boyfriends before me... She calls me her sixty second lover....
- My parents My parents grew to like my girlfriend so much, they take her as their own daughter. Now they started looking for a proper boyfriend for her.
- Why do so many guys have crazy girlfriend stories but no girls have crazy boyfriend stories? Because all girls with crazy boyfriend stories are dead.
- What's the difference between a wife and a girlfriend? 30 pounds.
OK Ladies - if you didn't like that - what's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband?
45 minutes. - I finally found a girlfriend! She was lost untill she found me. I'm glad I could give her a ride to her boyfriend's house.
- Girlfriend: "Am I pretty or ugly?" Boy says... Girlfriend: "Am I pretty or ugly?"
Boyfriend: "You're both."
Girlfriend: "What do you mean?"
Boyfriend: "You're pretty ugly." - Difference between GF & WIFE Q: What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife?
A: 45 lbs.
Q: What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband?
A: 45 minutes. - Girlfriend: "Honey, would you give me a ring on our wedding day?" Boyfriend: "Sure, what's your number?"
Girlfriend Boyfriend Jokes
Here is a list of funny girlfriend boyfriend jokes and even better girlfriend boyfriend puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- No boyfriend = No problem No girlfriend = No expenses
- My girlfriend said I can become what ever I want... So I became her ex-boyfriend.
- Girlfriend: Why do we need walkie-talkies? Our relationship is over. Boyfriend: Our relationship is what? Over.
- I just saw a so called funny t-shirt which on the front says, I'm not gay , and on the back says, But my boyfriend is. So I asked my girlfriend to please not wear it anymore.
- They say 1 in 3 people cheat I don't know who to tell first my boyfriend or girlfriend
- A couple planning their weekend... Boyfriend: honey, i want to have a great weekend!
Girlfriend: yeah, me too! So see you on monday!
...... - What's the difference between a wife and a girlfriend? About 40 pounds.
What's the difference between a husband and a boyfriend?
Daytime drinking - A ghost couple were arguing... "I don't believe a single word you tell me," the ghost girlfriend said to her ghost boyfriend, "I can see right through you!"
- Girlfriend to boyfriend GF - I'm sorry babe but i've cheated on you.
BF - I'm sorry aswell, I have also cheated on you.
GF - April fools day!
BF - Mine was on 24th March - Why do scubadivers roll backwards out of the boat? If they fell forwards, they'd still be in the boat.
Credit to my girlfriend and boyfriend. They the real heroes.
Boyfriend Day Jokes
Here is a list of funny boyfriend day jokes and even better boyfriend day puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Daughter calls her Mom: My boyfriend has dandruff what can i do? Mom: give him head & shoulders.
2 days later the daughter calls back.
Daughter: How do i give him shoulders? - If I were a girl, every Father's Day, I'd text an ex-boyfriend "Happy 'You-might-be-the-Father's Day." along with a picture of a random kid.
- A boyfriend says to his girlfriend, "Baby, you're kind of like Charles Barkley..." "...You've been on the team for so long and you're still not getting a ring! Happy Valentines day!"
- Crossfit died out The other day n the train:
Girl : *sneezes
me: "Bless You!"
Girl : I Have a Boyfriend
a few rows behind us: "I'm vegan" - Girlfriend: Darling, will you give me a ring on our wedding day?
Boyfriend: Sure, what is your number? - My boyfriend broke up with me today He said he wanted to celebrate Independence day
- My boyfriend said he didn't have a date that same day I caught him eating one.
- My wife left for being too insecure Next day she had a new boyfriend. she proved me right for being insecure.
- I made schnitzel for my boyfriend the other day. He told me I've got some nice schnitz.
- This is how my day went... 1. woke up
2. met a girl
3. became attracted
4. boyfriend and girlfriend.
But, instead it went 2,3,4,1.
Daughters Boyfriend Jokes
Here is a list of funny daughters boyfriend jokes and even better daughters boyfriend puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- My 14-year-old daughter has finally met her online boyfriend in real life. Must be big love, haven't seen her for weeks.
- My daughter brought her new boyfriend home to meet us. He seemed a bit of a gangster at first but then I realised he was in fact just deaf.
- I don't trust my daughter's boyfriend. I think he's lying when he says my wife is great in bed.
- A father is yelling at his daughter's boyfriend for taking her. virginity The boyfriend replies: Sorry, it won't happen again.
- My daughter brought her boyfriend round to meet me earlier, he wouldn't even look me in the eye. He just sat there, staring at my gun.
- Text conversation between father and daughter Daughter: Dad, I have a new boyfriend!
Dad: And I have a new gun
Daughter: I don't see how this is connected
Dad: Hopefully neither will the cops - My daughter found a new boyfriend. I'm just glad the police haven't found the old one.
- My daughters boyfriend is so kind When he took her virginity he said "sorry sir, it won't happen again"
- My daughter brought her boyfriend home from college so I decided to introduce my two best friends to him Their names are Smith&Wesson
- How I lost my girlfriend? My parents grew to like my girlfriend so much, they take her as their own daughter. Now they started looking for a proper boyfriend for her.
Boyfriend Girlfriend Jokes
Here is a list of funny boyfriend girlfriend jokes and even better boyfriend girlfriend puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What's the difference between a wife and a girlfriend? 30 pounds. (and then the female come-back):
What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband? 45 minutes! - Why did the melon boyfriend and girlfriend have a big wedding? Because they cantaloupe!
- A girlfriend decides to teach her boyfriend what 69ing is... She proceeds to snitch him out to the police.
- I met a guy with a girlfriend in the arctic and a boyfriend in Antarctica... Bipolar
- Girlfriend asking her Boyfriend about her looks Girlfriend: "Am I pretty or ugly?"
Boyfriend: "You're both."
Girlfriend: "What do you mean?"
Boyfriend: "You're pretty ugly." - Today at the bar I told my girlfriend that she was cute... She said: "I have a boyfriend".
- Girlfriend: "Am I pretty or ugly?"
Boyfriend: "You're both."
Girlfriend: "What do you mean?"
Boyfriend: "You're pretty ugly." - What did the girlfriend say to her midget boyfriend? Go up on me
- How did the girlfriend satisfy her secretly gay boyfriend? I don't know, I guess she really had him pegged.
- Unlike all of you, I'm a loyal boyfriend I'll never cheat on my girlfriends!
Hilarious Fun Boyfriend Jokes to Bring Joy & Laughter with Friends
What funny jokes about boyfriend you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean girl friend boy friend jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make boyfriend pranks.
A girl promises to teach her boyfriend what 69ing is.
He lies down on the floor and she squats down over his face to assume the position and farts. Embarrassed she stands up and apologises. She squats down for another go but farts again, she gets up and apologises again.
Before she can have a third go, her boyfriend gets up and goes to walk out saying yeah this isn't really for me, I'm not having 67 more of those in my face
My boyfriend was dying. I was by his bedside when he said something with a weak voice, "There's something I must confess."
"Shhh" I said "There's nothing to confess. Everything is alright."
"No, I must die in peace" he said, "I had s**... with your sister, your best friend and your co-worker."
"I know" I whispered, "That's why I poisoned you... Now close your eyes."
Last year a guy took his blonde girl friend to the Superbowl
They had great seats right behind their team's bench.
After the game, he asked her how she liked it.
"Oh, I really liked it," she replied, "especially the
tight pants and all the big muscles, but I just couldn't
understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents."
Dumbfounded, her boyfriend asked, "What do you
mean?"
"Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it, then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was...
'Get the quarterback! Get the quarterback!'
I'm like...Helloooooo? It's only 25 cents!"
A teenager brings her new boyfriend home to meet her parents.
They're disgusted by his haircut, tattoos, and piercings. Later, when he leaves, the girl's mom says, "Dear, he doesn't seem to be a very nice boy."
"Oh, please, mom!" says the daughter. "If he wasn't nice, why would he be doing 500 hours of community service?"
A teenager brings her new boyfriend home to meet her parents.
They're appalled by his haircut, tattoos and piercings.
The boy leaves and the girl's mom remarks, Dear, he doesn't seem to be a very nice boy.
* Oh, come on Mom! If he wasn't nice, would he be doing 300 hours of community service? *
My teenage daughter came home in a rage.
"I've just had s**... education in school today, Dad!
You lied to me!
You told me if I have s**... before my sixteenth birthday my boyfriend will die!"
I put down my paper: "Oh, he will sweetheart, he will.
A kid is playing video games in his room, minding his own business.
His mother walks in. "Honey, come meet my new boyfriend!"
"I'm kind of busy right now. Can you bring him in here instead?"
A minute or so later, her boyfriend walks in. "Hey, champ! How you doing?"
The kid ignores him.
"Don't like champ, huh? That's fine. How about BlueDragon72?"
The kid turns his head quickly. "I haven't heard that name since I was ten..." He then realized. "It can't be.."
"Call of Duty, right? I told you I'd bang your mom."
My teenage daughter came home from school and she was blazing mad. We had s**... education today dad and you lied to me! You told me if I have s**... before my sixteenth birthday, my boyfriend will die! I put down my newspaper, looked at her and said…
Oh, he will, sweetheart, he will.
My boyfriend bought me a diamond ring
The stone was cut in the shape of a four leaf clover. I wore it every day.
I got curious and had it valued at a jeweller's. Unfortunately my boyfriend had been swindled, as the diamond was actually a cubic zirconia.
It was a sham rock.
I was in bed with this r**... girl when her father, her brother and her boyfriend busted in the room...
....and boy was he mad.
A Michael Sam joke
After being drafted by the St. Louis Rams, Michael Sam celebrated by kissing his boyfriend. This is historic because it's the first time anyone has celebrated being drafted by the St. Louis Rams. - Conan O'brien
A guy ring's his new girlfriend's doorbell
She sees him holding a beautiful bouquet of roses and drags him in.
She lies on the couch, pulls her skirt up, and rips her knickers off and says "This is for the flowers!"
"Don't be silly" says her boyfriend, "you must have a vase somewhere!"
The Clintons snuck out of Secret Service and spent a weekend driving around like in the good ol' days
They stop at a gas station and the owner, it turns out, is Hillary's high school boyfriend. After exchanging pleasantries they drive away and Bill says "See, if you'd married him, you'd be married to a gas station owner".
Hillary responds "No, Bill, if I'd married him, he'd become the President of the United States".
A boy goes up to a girl and says "hey baby what's up"...
She says "I have a boyfriend", he says "I have a math test".
The girl says "What's that got to do with anything?", he replies "I thought we were just naming things we are going to cheat on."
A teenage girl brought her new boyfriend home to meet her parents.
They were appalled by his leather jacket, motorcycle boots, tattoos, and pierced nose. Later, the parents pulled their daughter aside and confessed their concern. "Dear," the mother said, "he doesn't seem very nice."
"Oh please, Mom," the daughter replied. "If he wasn't nice, why would he be doing 200 hours of community service?"
A guy goes with his girlfriend to stay at her parents' house for the holidays
The couple live in the city and the parents live on a farm. The boyfriend is unused to the quiet country life and after a couple of days he's pretty bored. His girlfriend's father comes in and says Hey young fella if you're looking for something to do, why not take the dogs out for a bit of hunting? There's a shotgun behind the laundry door. Guy comes back a couple of hours later, the father says How was it?
That was amazing! Have you got any more dogs?
A boyfriend and girlfriend die at the same time and go to heaven
They go up to see St. Peter on the pearly gates. They ask him Can we get married in heaven?
St. Peter says Hold on, I'll check.
The couple wait 72 hours and then finally St. Peter comes back and says Yes, you can get married in heaven.
The couple then asks What about a divorce?
St. Peter replies I just spent 3 days finding a minister. Do you have any idea how long it's gonna take to find a lawyer?
My daughter just walked into the living room and said
"Dad, cancel my allowance immediately, rent my room out, throw all my clothes out of the window, take my TV, and stereo, and iPhone, and iPod, and my laptop. Please take all of my jewellery to the Salvation Army or Cash Converters. Then sell my new car, take my front door key away from me and throw me out of the house. Then disown me and never talk to me again. And don't forget to write me out of your will and leave my share to my brother. Well, she didn't put it quite like that... she actually said... Dad, this is my new boyfriend, he supports the Lakers"
Boy: Hey wanna see a movie with me tonight?
Girl: I have a boyfriend.
Boy: and i have a math test tomorrow.
Girl: What does that have to do with anything?
Boy: I thought we were listing things we were going to cheat on.
Husband and wife are in a bar when the wife sees her ex boyfriend
She says to her husband, 'see that drunk, I turned down his proposal 10 years ago.
Husband looks at his wife, looks at the guy and sighs, 'that explains why he is still celebrating'
My son came home from school absolutely ecstatic about gay marriage being legalised today.
"Why are you so happy?" I asked him, "Have you even got a boyfriend?"
He scowled at me and just said "It's the principle Dad"
"Really?" I replied "Well, at least it's not the priest again".
A girl asked her boyfriend "Which do you love more, my pretty face more or my s**... body?"
Boyfriend - "I love your sense of humor most"
A woman threatens her boyfriend
A woman threatens her boyfriend :
"If you won't stop telling me that I'm fat, I'm going to leave you !"
- "Don't do this darling ! Think about our child !" says the boyfriend, trying to convince her to stay.
- "But we **don't** have any child !" eructs the woman.
- "Wait, what ? You're not 8 months pregnant ?"
My friend asked me why would you chase a girl that already has a boyfriend?
I replied I would rather compete against o**... than the whole world
My Wife and I Were Sitting at a Table
At her high school reunion, when she kept staring at a drunken man swigging a beer as he sat at a nearby table.
I asked her "Do you know him?"
"Yes" she sighed. "He's my old boyfriend. I understand he took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago & he hasn't been sober since.
"WOW" I said. "Who would think a person could go on celebrating for so long?!?"
And that's when the fight started....
A teenage girl brings home her boyfriend to meet her parents
Her parents are disgusted by the boyfriend's crazy haircut, excessive tattoos and piercings.
After dinner, the girl's mom tells her, "Honey, he doesn't seem to be a nice boy. Are you sure about this?"
"Oh please mom." the girl begged. "If he wasn't a nice person why would he be doing 500 hours of community service?
A blonde and a brunette are talking about their boyfriends' dandruff problems
The brunette says, my boyfriend used to have dandruff, but I gave him Head and Shoulders and it went away in a few days
The blonde thinks for a minute and then replies, how do you give shoulders?
My boyfriend bought me a diamond ring The stone was cut in the shape of a four leaf clover. I wore it all the time to show how much it meant to me.
One day, I got curious and had it valued at a jeweller's. Unfortunately they told me that my boyfriend had been swindled, as the diamond was actually a cubic zirconia.
It was a sham rock.
My Boyfriend said I'm starting to annoy him because I relate everything to Batman….
What a joker!!!
My boyfriend is the best cook
With only two nuts, a sausage and some milk he can fill my stomach for 9 months.
I went up to a s**... girl in a bar.
I said, "Would you like to come back to my place?"
"I think you should ask my boyfriend first." she smiled.
I said, "No thanks. I'm not gay."
Found this one on Wikipedia of all places
Two young women are drinking tea together. Suddenly, the doorbell rings. One of the women opens the door and finds a courier with a big great bouquet of roses. She walks inside and reads to her friend: *"Much love from your boyfriend!"* She immediately groans out: *"You know what this'll mean? This'll mean I'll be lying on my back with my legs spread wide open for the next two weeks!"* To which her friend says, *"Don't you have a vase?"*
I told my boyfriend that he better start treating me like a princess
So he flew me to Paris, got me drunk, and drove me into a tunnel pillar at 105 km/h.
A blonde and her boyfriend went to the movies
In the film, the main character is running through the storm so she says, "I bet you £20, that they don't get struck by lightning."
And her boyfriend agrees.
20 seconds later the main character is stuck by lightning and the blonde looks confused and gets £20 to give.
Her boyfriend said "I can't take this, I have seen the movie before."
She replies, "So have I but I didn't think lightning would strike twice in the same place!"
Girlfriend: "We're breaking up."
Boyfriend: "Why?"
Girlfriend: "You're always playing video games."
Boyfriend: "This is a s**... thing to *Fallout 4*."
All Credit goes to my friend
Father looks out the window on a snowy evening.
He gets furious and turns red.
"What's the matter, dear," his wife asks.
"It's our daughter's new boyfriend. He's written his name in the snow with pee."
"Oh. That's not so bad."
"Yeah, but it's in *her* handwriting."
A blonde was talking to her redhead friend about her boyfriends dandruff problem...
The redhead says "why don't you give him head and shoulders."
The blonde replies "how do you give shoulders?"
I said Hi to a girl and she replied "I have a boyfriend"...
"And I have a math test", I told her. "What?", she replied, "What does that have to do with anything?".
"Oh", I said, "I thought we were both naming things we would cheat on."
A blonde and her boyfriend were going somewhere in a car.
While taking a left turn the boyfriend asks " Babe , can you check if the indicator is working. "
The blonde look around and says
" Yes No Yes No Yes No Yes No Yes No Yes No Yes No Yes No Yes No Yes No Yes No Yes No Yes..."
"i used to be a Christian"
She said to her boyfriend, he replies "that's ok, I don't mind" relieved she says "oh that's great, I'm so much more comfortable being Christine"
My wife saw her ex high school boyfriend, drunk in the street. She said he started drinking when she broke up with him after graduation decades ago. I said....
....Impressive. .. I've never seen anyone celebrate that long before.
Another blonde joke
Boyfriend is driving down the street with his (blonde) girlfriend in the passenger seat. The boyfriend becomes concerned the turn signals are not working, so he asks his girlfriend to poke her head out the passenger side window to see if the right turn signal is functioning. She replies, "it's working, it's not working, it's working.."
Olympic condoms (n**...)
A boyfriend buys Olympic colored condoms, and tells his girlfriend it's because there are 3 colors Gold, Silver and Bronze. He tells her "tonight i think i'll wear the gold" she replied "i wish you would wear the silver one". "Why?" the boyfriend asks. "It would be great if you came second for a change!"
My sister is moaning and screaming in her bedroom because she is sick.
I'm happy that her boyfriend is there to comfort her.
Blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her, so she goes out and buys a gun.
She goes to his apartment unexpectedly and when she opens the door she finds him in the arms of a redhead.
Well, the blonde is really angry. She opens her purse to take out the gun, and as she does so she is overcome with grief.
She takes the gun and puts it to her head.
The boyfriend yells, "No, honey, don't do it."
The blonde replies, "Shut up, you're next."
Four men are at a bar bragging about how successful their sons are
One says"my son is a successful brick layer and he bought his friend a Lamborghini just because"...the second man says"my friend is a successful real estate agent and he bought his friend a yacht just because"the third man says"my son is a great lawyer and he bought his friend a mansion just because"....their was a minute of silence and the second man asks the fourth man what his son does ...the fourth man replies"he's a gay stripper"..the third man says"oh you must be ashamed I'm sorry"which the fourth man says"not really his three boyfriends bought him a Lamborghini,a yacht,and a mansion just because"
The difference between your boyfriend and Ronda Rousey is...
Ronda actually gets paid to disappoint people for 48 seconds.
no idea!
I told my boyfriend that my mom is old so she
needs to speak slowly and loud. Then I told
my mom my boyfriend is r**.... They have
no idea!
Why did Medusa order pizza?
Her boyfriend was s**....
My daughter's boyfriend came round.
"Don't even think about having s**... with her," I told him, while she was in the toilet.
"OK, sir. I understand," he panicked.
"Good," I replied, "I wouldn't want you to be as disappointed as I was."
I didn't realize how bigoted my family was until I brought my gay black boyfriend home
My parents were fairly upset but my wife was absolutely livid.
Three girls are sitting at a bar talking about how loose they are
The first girl says "I'm so loose my boyfriend can get three fingers inside of me". The second girl says "I'm so loose MY boyfriend can get his whole fist in me." The third girl just smiles and slowly slides down the bar stool.
My boyfriend's dad told us that back in his day, before required s**... misconduct training...
Harass was two words
My boyfriend is always annoyed that I always mix up my directions, and he finally told me to leave,
So I packed my bags and I right left away
After s**..., a lot of people like to smoke a cigarette.
As a gay man, me and my boyfriend smoke w**... after s**.... After all, in the bible it says "if a man lies with another man, he should be s**...."
