Boyfriend Day Jokes
73 boyfriend day jokes and hilarious boyfriend day puns to laugh out loud. Read holiday jokes about boyfriend day that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Boyfriend Day Short Jokes
Short boyfriend day jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The boyfriend day humour may include short brothers day jokes also.
- (Nerdy joke) Two chicks walk into a bar... Two chicks walk into a bar. One says to the other,"Have you ever heard of the Bechdel test?" The other says,"Yeah, my boyfriend was telling me about it the other day."
- Girlfriend: "One day I will marry and a lot of men will be sad that day." Boyfriend: "Wow, how many men do you plan to marry?"
- Daughter calls her Mom: My boyfriend has dandruff what can i do? Mom: give him head & shoulders.
2 days later the daughter calls back.
Daughter: How do i give him shoulders? - If I were a girl, every Father's Day, I'd text an ex-boyfriend "Happy 'You-might-be-the-Father's Day." along with a picture of a random kid.
- Girlfriend: "Honey, would you give me a ring on our wedding day?" Boyfriend: "Sure, what's your number?"
- Girlfriend to boyfriend GF - I'm sorry babe but i've cheated on you.
BF - I'm sorry aswell, I have also cheated on you.
GF - April fools day!
BF - Mine was on 24th March - A boyfriend says to his girlfriend, "Baby, you're kind of like Charles Barkley..." "...You've been on the team for so long and you're still not getting a ring! Happy Valentines day!"
- Crossfit died out The other day n the train:
Girl : *sneezes
me: "Bless You!"
Girl : I Have a Boyfriend
a few rows behind us: "I'm vegan" - Girlfriend: Darling, will you give me a ring on our wedding day?
Boyfriend: Sure, what is your number? - My wife left for being too insecure Next day she had a new boyfriend. she proved me right for being insecure.
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Boyfriend Day One Liners
Which boyfriend day one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with boyfriend day? I can suggest the ones about father day and workers day.
- My boyfriend broke up with me today He said he wanted to celebrate Independence day
- My boyfriend said he didn't have a date that same day I caught him eating one.
- I made schnitzel for my boyfriend the other day. He told me I've got some nice schnitz.
- My boyfriend spent the whole day at the s**... bank. He didn't come back home
Boyfriend Day Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about boyfriend day you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean v day jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make boyfriend day pranks.
Once there was a magical mirror.
When you told the thruth it gave you things, but if you lie to it, it makes you vanish forever.
One day three college girls went to the mirror.
The red head said "I think I'm the smartest one."
Then she got a diploma, scholarship, and got accepted into all the colleges in the world.
The brunette then said "I think I'm the prettiest one."
Then she got a Corvette, mansion, a good looking boyfriend , and a lot of money.
Then the blonde said " I think...*p**...*"
Then she suddenly dissapearred forever
A blonde and a brunette were talking one day.
The brunette said that her boyfriend had a slight dandruff problem but she gave him "Head and Shoulders" and it cleared it up.
The blonde asked inquisitively: "How do you give shoulders?"
A girl goes into the doctor's office for a checkup.
As she takes off her blouse, the doctor notices a red 'H' on her chest.
"How did you get that mark on your chest?" asks the doctor.
"Oh, my boyfriend went to Harvard and he's so proud of it he never takes off his Harvard sweatshirt, even when we make love," she replies.
A couple of days later, another girl comes in for a checkup.
As she takes off her blouse, he notices a blue 'Y' on her chest.
"How did you get that mark on your chest?" asks the doctor.
"Oh, my boyfriend went to Yale and he's so proud of it that he never takes off his Yale sweatshirt, even when we make love," she replies.
A couple of days later, another girl comes in for a checkup.
As she takes off her blouse, he notices a green 'M' on her chest.
"Do you have a boyfriend at Michigan?" asks the doctor.
"No, but I have a girlfriend at Wisconsin, Why do you ask?"
A woman heads to the doctors office for her usual checkup.
While there, the doc notices a strange rash on her chest in the shape of an H and inquires about it, "Oh, my boyfriend likes to wear his Harvard sweater during s**...."
The next day, another woman comes in, for a checkup.
While there, the doctor notices a strange rash on her chest in the shape of a Y and inquires about it,"Oh, my boyfriend is really into wearing his Yale sweater during s**...."
The next day, another woman comes in, again, for a simple checkup.
This woman too has a rash on her chest, and the doctor, catching on with the trend, asks,"So, Does your boyfriend go to Wisconsin?"
The girl replies, "Nah, but my girlfriend goes to Michigan."
Girl: What if a boy hugs me?
Mom: Say Don't
Girl: What if he kisses me?
Mom: Say stop.
The next day when the girl goes to school her boyfriend hugs and kisses her well so she says as her mother told her to do and she quickly said DON'T STOP!...
A boyfriend asks his girlfriend:
"
What gift would you like to receive during the St. Valentine's Day?"
"Well, I don't know" she answers shyly.
"OK, that I give you another year to think about it…"
Once a blonde wanted to go to her boyfriend's home.
Her mom advised her: "My sweet whenever your boy friend wanted to touch your pants tell him there is a hot oven so your hand will burn."
Next day her mom asked her daughter: "Had you a good day?"
The blonde answered: "It was the best day in my life because when my boyfriend touched my pants I told him: 'There is a hot oven and your hand would damage!' But he urged me that I've one hot dog and I wanna to cook it for several times he put his hot dog in my pants and then he put it in my mouth for confident whether it has been cooked or not."
Suzy asked her big sister Samantha how babies are made.
Samantha explains it to her.
"I still don't get it? Can you show me."
Suzy says.
"OK. Tonight, I will let you watch will my boyfriend, Jack and I screw."
That night, Jack laid Samantha 5 times but Suzy still didn't understand.
The next night Jack was tired of Suzy watching so he offered to have s**... with her.
"OK but I don't want Samantha to watch"
So Samantha went outside.
They are in there for almost an hour and when they come out Jack is smiling like crazy.
"That was fun but I still don't get it."
Says Suzy
The next day the same thing happened.
And the next day.
Finally 2 weeks later Samantha comes home crying.
"Whats wrong," Suzy says.
"Jack dumped me. He said there was someone better."
Said Samantha.
"Let's go talk to him maybe we can change his mind," said Suzy.
When they got there Jack said he made up his mind and there was nothing they could do to change it.
Then he asked to speak to Suzy privately.
He pulled off all of Suzy's clothes and started to screw her.
"OK," Jack said kissing Suzy's neck "I broke up with Samantha now tell me how you got to be so good in bed."
"Fine." She replied, "I asked all my other sisters how babies are made."
Four men went golfing together one day...
Three headed to the first tee and one went into the club house to take care of the bill.
The three men started talking, bragging about their sons. The first man told the others, "My son is a home builder and he's so successful that he gave a friend a new home - for free."
The second man said, "My son was a car salesman and now he owns a multi-line dealership. He's so successful that he gave a friend two Cadillac's."
The third man, not wanting to be outdone bragged, "My son is a stock broker and he's doing so well that he gave his friend an entire stock portfolio."
The fourth man joined them on the tee after a few minutes of taking care of business. The first man mentioned, "We were just talking about our sons. How is yours doing?" The fourth man replied, "Well, my son is gay. He is also amazing. His last three boyfriends gave him a house, two cars, and a stock portfolio."
So a redhead, a brunette, and a blonde all work in a very small office
One day their boss Ms. White tells them, "Hey guys, I am going to knock off a little early. I'll see you tomorrow."
Well, the three ladies start talking and they all decide that since the boss wasn't around, they were going to leave too.
The red head went to meet her friends at a bar, the brunette called her boyfriend and went to a movie, but the blonde just went home.
When she got there she heard noises coming from her bedroom. She carefully peeked in and saw her boss and her husband passionately knocking the boots.
Well, she dashed out of the house as quietly as she could and went to the mall until it was her normal time to go home.
The next day Ms White told her three workers she was leaving work early again. And again the three discussed sneaking out early. The blonde said, "No way! The last time we did that, I almost got caught!"
A frustrated woman on an airplane. (Sexism)
A woman had just gotten onto an airplane after a very rough day. She had been fired, her boyfriend had dumped her, and now she had to sit on this irritating airplane just to get home. A quarter of the way through the flight and she's had enough. She stands up, holds her hands up in the air and exclaims loudly to the whole plane that she just wants to feel like a woman. "I just wanna feel like a woman!" A man in the seat in front of her stands up. He is tall and good looking. He starts unbuttoning his shirt and she can see that he is very strong. He finished unbuttoning his shirt, and hands it to her.
"Iron this."
Blonde Breakfast Dilemma
A man watches as his blonde girlfriend comes downstairs to make breakfast.
At first she attempts to lift the stove, struggles, and sighs.
Next she tries lifting the microwave, again to no avail. Finally she lifts the toaster and smiles, makes toast and eats her breakfast.
This goes on for a couple of days before her boyfriend finally asks what in the world is going on.
The blonde replies, "My new medication doesn't allow me to operate heavy machinery and the toaster is the only thing I can lift."
Three ladies all have separate boyfriends named Leroy...
One evening, while sharing a few drinks at the bar, one of the ladies suggests, "Let's name our Leroys after a soda pop, because I'm tired of getting my Leroy mixed up with your Leroy, and her Leroy mixed up with your Leroy."
The other two ladies agree.
The first lady speaks out, "Okay then, I'm gonna name my Leroy 7-Up because he has 7 inches and it's always up!"
The three ladies hoot and holler, and slap each other high fives.
Then, the second lady says, "I'm gonna name my Leroy Mountain Dew because he can mount and do me any day of the week."
Again, the three ladies hoot and holler, and slap each other more high fives.
The third lady then says, "You know, those two Leroys were good, but I'm gonna name my Leroy, Jack Daniels."
The other two ladies shout in unison, "Jack Daniels? That's not a soda pop... that's a hard liquor!"
The third lady bursts out, "That's my Leroy!"
Granny's boyfriend
A 5 yr old boy went to visit his grandmother one day.
While playing with his toys in her bedroom while Grandma was dusting, he looked up and said, "Grandma, how come you dont have a boyfriend?"
Grandma replied, "Honey, my TV is my boyfriend. I can sit in my bedroom and watch it all day long. The TV evangelists keep me company and make me feel so good. The comedies make me laugh. I'm really happy with the TV as my boyfriend."
Grandma turned on the TV and the reception was terrible. She started adjusting the knobs, trying to get the picture in focus. Frustrated, she finally started hitting the backside of the TV, hoping to fix the problem. The little boy heard the doorbell ring, so he hurried to open the door, and there stood a man.
The man said, "Hello, son, is your grandma home?"
The little boy replied, "Yeah, but she's in the bedroom b**... her boyfriend."
Always diagnose before you treat...
A woman walks into the dermatologists office complaining about a rash on her chest. The doctor asks to take a look, so she removes her shirt, revealing a large, red 'H' on her skin. Believing this to be a case of contact dermatitis, the doctor asks her what could have caused this. "Well", she said, "when my boyfriend and I get it on, he likes to wear his Harvard sweatshirt." He notices that she is obviously allergic to the paint on her boyfriend's sweatshirt; she is treated with a steroid and sent her way.
A few days later another girl comes in with the same symptoms. This time she has a large 'M' on her chest. The doctor decides to act like a hot-shot and show off in front of the girl. "Let me guess" the doctor says, "Your boyfriend went to Michigan?" "No", the girl says, "but my girlfriend went to Wellesley."
A woman was desperate for finding a boyfriend...
So she decided to put a Newspaper Classified with her address saying this:
"I'm looking for a man who loves me, a man who doesn't hit me, one that won't run away from me and that pleassures me in bed."
The next day her doorbell rang and there was a man with no arms and no legs waiting outside. When she opened he said "Im here for the ad you posted yesterday"
The woman laughed and said "What makes you think you can make me happy?"
The man aswered. "As you can see, I have no arms so i will never hit you. Also I have no legs so I will never run away from you"
"And what about s**...?" Said the woman.
"How do you think I rang the doorbell?"
Bechdel test
Two women walk into a bar, one says "you heard of the Bechdel test?", the other: "yeah my boyfriend told me about it the other day..."
A blonde calls her boyfriend...
One day a man gets a call from his blond girlfriend.
"Hey Babe!"
"Listen, I need you to come over right now! I'm doing a puzzle and I think it's supposed to be a tiger but I just can't figure it out, I've been doing it for hours..."
The boyfriend was a little confused, as she didn't seem the type to buy a puzzle... But it was clear she was upset, so he made the trip over. He walked in to her apartment and saw her sitting on the floor, a blue box overturned and all the pieces arranged in random circles on the floor.
He looked at her for a while without saying anything, then just sighed and said, "Sweetie, lets get all these frosted flakes back in the box..."
So a guys asks a blonde…
if he can do her from behind. She obviously says no. The guy then says he will be very quick and offers her 100$. All she has to do is pick up the money while he drops it on the floor. She tells him she has to ask her boyfriend. She tells her boyfriend about the offer and he tells her to make it 200$ instated. "He won't even have time to unzip before you pick it up". The next day the blonde accepts the offer and bends down to pick up the money. Later the same day the blonde comes home limping. "What happened honey?" asks the boyfriend. "It was all in coins" she replied.
My boyfriend (of an 11 year age difference) said this to me the other day...
True story: My boyfriend and I were taking a walk and he happened to be wearing his reading glasses (which I find adorable).
Me: Ooh, you look like a s**... teacher in those glasses. I think I need to stay after school...
Him: Yes, I'll show you how many times 38 goes into 27.
One day, a 7 year old boy went to visit his grandmother.
Playing with his toys in her bedroom while grandma was dusting, he looked up and said: "Grandma, why don't you have a boyfriend now that grandpa went to heaven?"
Grandma replied: "Honey, my TV-set is my boyfriend. I can sit in my bedroom and watch it all day long. The religious programs makes me feel good and the comedies makes me laugh. I'm happy with my it as my boyfriend."
Grandma turned on the TV-set, and the reception was terrible. She started adjusting knobs, trying to get it focus.
Frustrated, she started hitting the backside of the TV hoping to fix the problem.
The little boy heard the doorbell ring, so he hurried to open the door, and there stood his grandpa's old friend, now the grandma's minister.
The minister said: "Hello, son, is your Grandma home?"
The little boy replied: "Yeah, she's in the bedroom bangin' her boyfriend!"
The Ring
A boyfriend and a girlfriend have been together for nine love-filled years. On the day of their 9th anniversary, they walk by the park of their first date and he gives her a little black box. The girlfriend is shocked and is holding back a big smile. As she opens it, she sees that it was only earrings. She proceeds to yell at him and say "We've been together nine years and still not married and you give me earrings?! Next year, you better come with a ring!"
Next year on their 10th anniversary, he takes her out to a fancy dinner and then they go back to his place to have some more wine and play some romantic music. They begin to have s**... on his bed and during s**..., she notices something poking at her more than usual but she ignores it. When he finishes, he asks her "Take off my c**...." Confused, she takes off the used c**... from him and looks inside with a squint and notices an engagement ring floating inside the c**...!
"I didn't forget what you said! I came with a ring!"
A blonde, brunette, and a redhead are stranded on an island.
One day the blond comes running up to the others screaming that she found a magic lamp.
The others bored out of their minds decides to follow.
They finally show up to the spot and they see a really old lamp.
The brunette picks it up and wipes some dust off of it.
A genie pops out and says "You three who have disturbed my slumber, I will give you each one wish, so that I may sleep for a hundred more years."
The brunette, holding the lamp decides to go first. "I wish I were home with my family again." *p**...* and she vanishes.
The redhead goes next and says, "I wish I were back home with my boyfriend." *p**...* and she vanishes."
The blonde has no clue what to wish for, and the genie is getting impatient. She finally says "I don't know ask for... I wish my friends were here to help me decide."
Three women sitting in a bar having a drink.
Three women sitting in a bar having a drink. Their boyfriends are all named Georgie. One day they decide to name their boyfriends after softdrinks to tell the difference between them.
The first one says "I'll name mine 7-up because he's seven inches and always up."
The second one says "I'll name mine MOUNTAIN DEW because he likes to mount and do me."
And the third one says "I'll name mine Jack Daniels." The others say "Hey! That's not a softdrink that's a hard l**...!". She says "That's My Georgie!!"
Law Interpretation
Alex failed in the final Law Exam & decided to make a deal with the Professor.
Alex: Sir, Can I ask you one question?
Professor: Yes.
Alex: If you can answer this question, I will accept my final marks, if you cant, you will have to give me an "A" grading.
Professor agreed.
Alex asked: What is legal but not logical, logical but not legal & neither legal nor logical?
Even after some long and hard consideration, the professor cannot give The student an answer, and therefore changes his exam mark into an "A", as agreed.
The following day, Professor asked same question to his students. He was shocked when all of them raised their hands......
He asked one student. He answered:
Sir, you are 65, married to a 28 yrs old woman, this is legal but not logical. Your wife, is having an affair with a 23 year old boy, this is logical but not legal. Your wife's boyfriend has failed in his exam & yet you have given him an "A", this is neither logical nor legal
I visited my boyfriend in prison the other day for a conjugal visit.
It was a guilty pleasure.
A blonde works in a dermatologist office...
and her boyfriend has terrible dandruff, so one day she asks the Dr. what she can do about it.He says, "Its simple, just give him head and shoulders." The next day she comes in and says to the Dr. " I've got one more question, how do you give someone shoulders?"
An abstinent blonde and her boyfriend...
An abstinent blonde and her boyfriend are about to celebrate their one year anniversary. She wants to do something special for him that night, and decides that she wants to go down on him, but alas has no experience. She asks her friend for advice, who then hands her a banana and says "Here, practice with this."
Sure enough, the blonde girls peels the banana and goes to town on it like a d**... professional. Her friend says "See, you're doing great! Don't change a thing!"
The next day the blonde's friend calls her up, eager to hear how everything went. "How did everything go?" She asks.
The blonde says "Pretty great. Didn't know there would be that much screaming and blood though."
"Blood?" Her friend asks, "Where did the blood come from?"
"The peeling."
Sugar
A blonde would wake up every morning, go into the kitchen, carefully open the lid of the sugar container, look into it and then close it.
This made her new boyfriend very curious. So one day he asked her why she did that. She replied, "My doctor asked me to check my sugar level every day."
This is how my day went...
1. woke up
2. met a girl
3. became attracted
4. boyfriend and girlfriend.
But, instead it went 2,3,4,1.
[BDSM] The other day I came home and found a man t**... on my bed that didn't look like my boyfriend.
Whoops, wrong sub.
Valentine's Day Gift
A young lady was caught napping one afternoon on Valentine's Day. She woke up when she heard the doorbell.
"I just dreamed that you gave me a pearl necklace for Valentine's day," she said to her boyfriend. "What do you think it means?"
"You'll know for sure tonight," he replied.
That evening, the young man arrived with a small package and gave it to his girlfriend. Delighted, she opened it and found a book entitled "The meaning of dreams."
The Valentine's Day Blonde
A woman receives a huge bouquet of flowers from her boyfriend at the office and is clearly upset about it. Her co-workers ask what's wrong.
She replies, very annoyed: "This is just great. Now I guess I'll have to spend the whole evening on my back, with my legs in the air!"
The blonde says, "That's awful! Don't you have a vase?"
A girl and her boyfriend go to the hospital...
The girl goes in to the hospital to donate plasma. The boyfriend goes in to donate s**....
Once they're finished, they get back together and discuss their profits. The girl says, "I got $30 to donate some plasma." The boyfriend then says to her, "I got $125 to donate s**...." Enraged, the girl says, "That is so unfair!"
Two days later the girl returns to the hospital and the doctor asks, "Ah, you again, are you here to donate plasma?" With her mouth full girl shakes her head and says "Mm-mm."
Two blonde roommates
One day julia's new roommate emma was bathing with the door open.
julia: Why are you bathing with the door open?
emma: I didn't want your s**... boyfriend peeping through the keyhole that's why!
A girlfriend wants her boyfriend dead
But she doesn't know how to commit a m**.... She calls one of her best friends and tells her I want him dead, but I'm to scared to do it. Could you help?
Her best friend tells her It's alright, I got this and I'll make it look like an accident.
The next day the police are called because a dead body was found in an alleyway. A crime scene is set up and a detective does his detective work. After he's done an officer asks him So detective, what did you discover?
The detective looks at the officer and tells him Well it appears that someone beat this man to death with what seems to be a crowbar and then placed a banana peel 4 feet behind him.
A Muslim Couple decided to spend their day at the zoo.
They stopped at the Gorilla enclosure.
The Girlfriend then said, "The baby gorilla is soooo cute, I want to kiss it"
The Boyfriend then said. "No! That is Haram bae!!"
My boyfriend bought me a diamond ring
The stone was cut in the shape of a four leaf clover. I wore it every day.
I got curious and had it valued at a jeweller's. Unfortunately my boyfriend had been swindled, as the diamond was actually a cubic zirconia.
It was a sham rock.
A blonde and a brunette are out shopping one day
And they happen to see the brunette's boyfriend buying flowers. The brunette says, "Aww man. He's out buying me flowers again. Sigh, this s**...." The blonde replies, "What's the matter? I thought you liked flowers? Last time you said it was a nice, thoughtful, out-of-the-blue gesture?" "Oh no, that's not the problem. I just hate feeling obligated after to have my legs up in the air for a few days because of it." The blonde asks, "Don't you have a vase?"
2nd amendment
A young blonde discovers her boyfriend is cheating...
She buys a handgun.
The next day she finds him in bed with a redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps off the bed and starts pleading with her not to shoot herself.
Hysterically, the blonde responds to the husband: "Shut up, you're next."
My boyfriend's dad told us that back in his day, before required s**... misconduct training...
Harass was two words
A blonde and a brunette are talking about their boyfriends' dandruff problems
The brunette says, my boyfriend used to have dandruff, but I gave him Head and Shoulders and it went away in a few days
The blonde thinks for a minute and then replies, how do you give shoulders?
Smoking joke
Girlfriend: How many ciggerates do you smoke per day?
Boyfriend: 5 packs, give or take
Girlfriend: If you quit smoking, you could even buy a car in a year.
Boyfriend: huh...do you smoke?
Girlfriend: God, no.
Boyfriend: Where is your car?
The girlfriend ask her boyfriend.
What will happen if i pulled the plug when you are in the middle of your game.
The boyfriend replied.
I will treasure the time with you, deepen our relationship, so that one day we can get married. Have 1 or 2 kids in our happy family and grow old together. And when we are too old, we will stay in the same hospital room side by side with our life support on. I will walk over to your bed and tell you this "Remember that time when you pull the plug in the middle of my game? Now is my turn."
One day a woman was lying on her couch watching TV when she heard her boyfriend in the kitchen
She assumed he was in there getting some ice cream and she called in there "Bring me some too!" A few minutes later, the boyfriend comes into the living room and hands her a bowl. She says "thanks" and takes a bite and immediately spits it out in disgust. "What is this? It's disgusting!" she exclaimed. "Cat food", the boyfriend answered. "I was in the kitchen feeding the cat and I "brought you some too".
My boyfriend is k**... me out of his house for constantly singing lyrics from "Take on me"
He said he's giving me the weekend to move all my stuff out, and he asked me when I would be able to finally leave, so I replied with "I'll be gone in a day or two."
A girl asks her father
Dad, what's the difference between good, bad, and f***d up?
The father replies:
Well my love, good is when your boyfriend likes your clothes, bad is when he wears them and f****d up is when they look better on him than you!
(Bad translation from spanish from yours truly, have a wonderful day!)
A blonde gets a Fitbit for Christmas
Her friend tells her to always try to get to 10,000 steps a day to lose weight.
One night it's 11.30pm and her boyfriend hears footsteps downstairs. He goes down to find her walking around the living room backwards.
"What ARE you doing?" he asks.
"Melanie told me to do 10,000 steps a day - I was on 10,020!"
Next!
A blonde suspects that her boyfriend is cheating on her, so she goes out and buys a gun. She goes to his apartment that same day, with the gun in hand.
Sure enough, when she opens the door, she finds her boyfriend in the arms of a redhead. She points the gun at her boyfriend at stares him down for a moment.
Then, suddenly, she's overcome with grief, so she puts the gun up to the side her head.
Her boyfriend screams, Honey, don't do it… The blonde yells back, Shut up! You're next!
My boyfriend bought me a diamond ring The stone was cut in the shape of a four leaf clover. I wore it all the time to show how much it meant to me.
One day, I got curious and had it valued at a jeweller's. Unfortunately they told me that my boyfriend had been swindled, as the diamond was actually a cubic zirconia.
It was a sham rock.
I met this girl the other day.
She took me back to her house where things got hot and heavy very quickly.
I bent her over the kitchen table and started going at it when suddenly we heard the front door open.
Oh s**..., it's my boyfriend! she exclaimed Quick, use the b**... .
Now it's at about this time I probably should have left..... ......but you just don't get an offer like that every day.
The Clintons snuck out of Secret Service and spent a weekend driving around like in the good ol' days
They stop at a gas station and the owner, it turns out, is Hillary's high school boyfriend. After exchanging pleasantries they drive away and Bill says "See, if you'd married him, you'd be married to a gas station owner".
Hillary responds "No, Bill, if I'd married him, he'd become the President of the United States".
A blonde and a brunette were walking down the street
The brunette looked in the window of a flower shop and said
"Oh no, it's my boyfriend and he's buying me flowers again for no reason."
The blonde said "Don't you like to get flowers?"
The brunette said "It's not that. It's just that every time he gives them to me he expects something in return and I get tired of lying on my back for three days with my legs in the air."
The blonde said "Don't you have a vase?"
A boyfriend and girlfriend die at the same time and go to heaven
They go up to see St. Peter on the pearly gates. They ask him Can we get married in heaven?
St. Peter says Hold on, I'll check.
The couple wait 72 hours and then finally St. Peter comes back and says Yes, you can get married in heaven.
The couple then asks What about a divorce?
St. Peter replies I just spent 3 days finding a minister. Do you have any idea how long it's gonna take to find a lawyer?
A guy goes with his girlfriend to stay at her parents' house for the holidays
The couple live in the city and the parents live on a farm. The boyfriend is unused to the quiet country life and after a couple of days he's pretty bored. His girlfriend's father comes in and says Hey young fella if you're looking for something to do, why not take the dogs out for a bit of hunting? There's a shotgun behind the laundry door. Guy comes back a couple of hours later, the father says How was it?
That was amazing! Have you got any more dogs?
