Boxes Jokes

Activision stated that there would be no loot boxes or weapons tied behind something you have to pay for in the newest CoD

Lol who is buying that.

My Pi Day joke

There was a village that had four competing pie shops, each inhabiting their own corner of the town. One of these shops was named "The Circle".
The Circle wanted to gain an edge on the other shops, they wanted to stand out. They realized they could transport more pies in their boxes if they made the pies square instead of circular, so they would stack better. The only place in the village to have these oddly-shaped pies is at The Circle.
So, for the area of The Circle, the pie are squared.

How many white people can you fit in a can?

Crackers don't come in cans, they come in boxes!

Four men are watching a juggler...

An Englishman, a Frenchman, a Spaniard, and a German are watching a man do some juggling on the street. The juggler notices that the men can't see very well, and stands on some boxes.
"Can you all see me now?" He calls
"Yes."
"Oui."
"Sí."
"Ja."

Beer

This morning I was in luck and was able to buy two boxes of "Bud Light" cheap.
I placed the boxes on the front seat and headed back home. I stopped at a service station where a drop-dead gorgeous blonde in a short skirt was filling up her car at the next pump.
She glanced at the two boxes of beer, bent over and leaned in my passenger window, and said in a s**... voice, "I'm a big believer in barter, handsome. Would you be interested in trading s**... for beer?"
I thought for a few seconds and asked, "What kind of beer 'ya got?"

5 boxes for a dollar...

A woman walks into a drug store to buy tampons. She notices a group of tampons stacked on a table in the corner with a sign on them saying, "5 boxes for a dollar."
Well, the woman just can't believe this price so she asks the clerk if it was correct.
He replies, "Oh yes, 5 for a dollar."
She says, "That can't be right!"
The clerk responds, "Oh yes, it's right!! 5 boxes for a dollar, no strings attached."

You know you're an alcoholic when...

...your local liquor store is moving and they come to your house for boxes.

What kind of boxes do gay boxes like?

Male Boxes.

Waiting in line

A woman is checking out at the grocery store. She buys a dozen eggs, two boxes of pasta, waffles, a bag of onions, lunch meat, oatmeal, sparkling water and throws on a pack of gum at the register.
The man behind her says "you must be single"
"Why yes I am! Did you figure this out by noticing all the stuff I bought?"
"Nope, it's because you are ugly!"

I wrote this little ditty just seconds after waking up.

An auto worker storms into his union leader's office. "I have a really pesky booger in my nostril, and management won't get us anymore tissue boxes!!" he shouts.
The union manager calmly responds: "Maybe you should picket."

Black people love boom boxes ..

I hate to generalize, but it's their stereotype ;-)

Have you heard the one about the gay termite?

He only eats mail boxes. (male boxes).
Hmm. Works way better when told out loud.

So, a man walks into a drugstore...

...goes up to the counter and asks the clerk for two boxes of condoms. The clerk retrieves the rubbers and while she's ringing them up she asks, "Would you like a paper bag?" To which the man says, "Nah, she's pretty good lookin'."

if two gay boxes want to have a child together, do they hire a corrugate mother?

Sad news from the Nestlé chocolate factory.

Sad news from the Nestlé chocolate factory. A man was crushed to death under hundreds of boxes of chocolate.
Apparently every time he shouted: The Milky Bars are on me! his workmates just cheered.

Ex-lax

Did you know that all boxes of Ex-lax have been recalled? You can't buy Ex-lax anywhere. Really..I'm not shittin'.

2 boxes

2 boxes finish a game of poker. One says to the other "hey man you fancy another game?", to which the other one replies "no.. i'm cardboard'

Where do the Japanese store defective mannequin feet?

In bent-toe boxes.

My wife just emailed me asking if we had any moving boxes

I told her no... All of our boxes are still. That's why we purchased them from a stationary store.

I'm s**... attracted to metal boxes with locking systems.

But don't worry. It's safe s**....

Why is it best to ship boxes using a UPS truck?

The DOWNS truck is a little slow.

The wife comes home......

The wife comes to home with four cases of beer, three boxes of wine, twho bottles of whisky and two loaves of bread.
Husband: Are we expecting guests today?
Wife : Nope..
Husband : Then why did you buy so much bread?

Jihadi math university question: Ahmed has 3 lunch boxes. He gives one to Mohammed and another to Hassan.

Calculate the area it will cover after the e**....

Pakistani math problem.

Ahmed has 3 lunch boxes.
He gives one to Mohammed and another to Hassan. Calculate the radius of the e**....

My Halloween costume this year:

I'm gonna get drunk and make a space suit out of Bud Light boxes. When people ask who I'm supposed to be, I'll respond, "I'm Buzzed Lightbeer!"

FAA study of black boxes found in domestic US, fatal, small airplane crashes shows 98% say "may day"

remaining 2% are pilots from Tennessee who say, "hey good buddy, hold my beer and watch this"

You know what's weird?

I've never seen any femail boxes.

A zombie is at the butcher shop.

A zombie is at a butcher shop for the undead. He tells the butcher, "Give me 40 pounds of human brain and 60 human legs. And keep them in the boxes, they're going straight in my truck."
The butcher says, "Do you need a hand with that?"

Why are radios cheaper in Scotland?

Because the boxes are battered and and the speakers are fried.

Why is it called a mail truck?

...because it goes around sticking its package in everyone's boxes.

The wife came home with four cases of beer,

*The wife came home with four cases of beer, three boxes of wine, a litre of v**..., two litres of gin, two bottles of whisky and two loaves of bread*
*"Are we expecting guests?" He asked.*
*"No," she replied.*
*"Then why did you buy so much bread..!!

What do the USPS and Caitlyn Jenner's bf have in common?

They both like to stuff mail boxes

A lot of guys found Princess Leia attractive...

...but for me she ticks Alderaan boxes.

In the west, You have a washing machine, a dish-washer, a shower, litter boxes, a toilet & a cemetery

But in India: We have the Ganges!

I went to the local buy and sell to see if there were any cool old jack in the boxes.

But nothing jumped out at me.

A woman sees a sale sign that says "Tampons: 3 boxes for $5"

Wanting to take advantage of the deal, she goes into the store. The sales attendant immediately comes up to her and asks if he can help her, she says, "Yes, I saw a sign outside that said you have a sale going for tampons, are they really just $5 for three whole boxes?
The sales attendant replies," Yes ma'am, they're three boxes for $5, and there are no strings attached."

My wife came home with four cases of beer, three boxes of wine, two bottles of whiskey and two loaves of bread.

"Are we expecting guests?" I asked.
"No," she replied.
"Then why did you buy so much bread?"

Why aren't there any fat girls on the boxes of girl scout cookies?

Because good drug dealers don't use their own product.

If people went shopping like they do in RPG games, shop owners would be rich

"I'll take 99 boxes of Tylenol, 99 tetanus shots, 99 vials of clear eyes, and what's in that little box over there? screw it -I'll take 99 of them as well."
"Very good sir, may I ask what you will be using these for?"
"Who says I'm gonna use them?"

I was instructed to relocate all these boxes of letterhead. But I can't...

They're stationary.

I have a great super power...

... I can make kids appear on milk boxes.

Black people love boom boxes.

I guess it's just their stereo type..

They're releasing four boxes of JFK's files today

It would have been more. But the fifth box was in the back and to the left.

What is the difference between a p**... and EA?

Both have expensive loot boxes we have to pay for however it's prostitutes who end up with a bad taste in their mouths not their clients.

Medieval Minstrels were the first victims of EA's corporate greed

They could only access their instruments by opening Lute Boxes

I got a job as boxer...

The thrill of it is what keeps me going.
Putting things in boxes, taking things out of boxes, taping boxes, the list goes on!

Pakistani Maths Problems are like really really complex

Abdul has 3 lunch boxes.
He gives one to Rafiq and another to Hassan.
Calculate the radius of the e**....

An old woman falls asleep in church

The priest asks, "How many of you commit adultery? Those who do, stand up." Just then the old lady wakes up and asks her son-in-law, "What did he say?" The son-in-law wants to play a prank and answers "Those who take Tic Tacs have to stand up." The woman, who takes the pills by boxes, stands up. Everyone gasps, and the priest asks, "How could you, at your age?"
"Just because I've got no teeth doesn't mean I can't s**... 'em!"

A nun was fired from her job in heaven...

A nun was fired from her job in heaven, so she came down to earth and started looking for a job. One night, when she is filling out a job application, there is a question that asks her to check the boxes next to the jobs that she has previously worked at. She looks at the answers for a second, and then checks the box marked, "Nun of the above."

I blew all of my money on leather jackets and juke boxes...

I'm worried that I may be caught in a Fonzey scheme.

On Halloween I give young kids little boxes of raisins.

I've been accused of statutory grape.

Two friends were talking about planes when one says

"Did you know that the black boxes on planes are orange?"
The other replies:
"Really? They aren't boxes?"

Cats probably like boxes because of quantum mechanics.

Could be getting into a box really makes them feel alive. Who knows?

I ordered a set of Avengers action figures. [Infinity War Spoilers]

Half of them were just boxes of dirt.

As a teacher, I find it difficult to group young, vibrant children by ability and put them into meaningless boxes...

... you have to really push down hard to close the lid.

Christmas tip:

Wrap empty boxes and put them under the tree. Everytime your child acts up, throw one in the fireplace

Black people sure love them some boom boxes.

I'm not racist,
That's just their stereotype.

An owner of a box manufacturer company goes to his son's school one day...

"Hey kids, I make boxes! Have any questions?"
One kid raised his hand...
"Yea, why does my dad keep talking about filling my mom's box, shouldn't he get his own?"
"Shut up son."

I've just read that the pollen count is exceptionally high this year.

That would explain why my 14 year old son is getting through so many boxes of tissues, poor little mite.

While buying groceries I saw a guy smashing several boxes of Cap'n Crunch and Frosted Flakes on the ground for no reason,

Call me paranoid but I think he might be a cereal killer.

Santa Claus: "George, why are you sleeping in one of the boxes from the presents that were gifted to you last year?"

George: "Because you told me to live in the present!"

Tampons on sale

A woman goes into the drug store and notices a large stack of tampons in the corner with a sign above saying: "Special Offer, Five Boxes for $2.50"
She says to the assistant. What's the catch"?
The assistant replies "It's a genuine offer, five boxes for $2.50, no strings attached.

There's a guy sneaking around in grocery stores in my town dropping chunks of dry ice in boxes of cereal.

We're being attacked by a cereal chiller!

Due to the overwhelming backlash, I'm forced to cancel my planned medieval instrument packaging simulator.

Players just don't want lute boxes.

What does a gynecologist have in common with a census taker?

They both make their living checking boxes.

I recently started dating a girl in admin....

She's just great, she really ticks all the boxes

My calendar has all the dates rubbed off.

Now whenever I cross one of the boxes my roommate thinks I'm playing Tic-Tac-Toe with him.

A new shipment of dark blue shirts arrived at the loading dock at work today.

My coworker and I checked the boxes and the shirts felt differently so we started asking questions like, what distributors is this? and who makes it? . Finally after a lot of questions we ask from who? . The delivery driver looks at us and shouts Scan the Navy in!

I just asked Siri for a wake up call...

She sent a photo of me, surrounded by empty pizza boxes and beer cans.

What do you call a group of cereal boxes that never keep their word?

Corn flakes

A Grandfather talks to his grandson

Grandpa: Back then, for a dollah, I could get rice, milk, sardines, eggs, four boxes of cereal, a bottle of coke, some chips, and a tub of ice cream
Grandson: How about now, Grandpa?
Grandpa: Now a days, it's impossible to do anything with all dem gawddam cameras around!

Sad news from the Nestle factory today as a man was crushed to death by hundreds of boxes of chocolate.

He tried in vain to attract attention but every time he yelled "The Milky Bars are on me!", people just cheered.

A packing plant received a load of lettuce to process. The workers grabbed the boxes quickly from the top and the bottoms fell out spilling the produce.

The boss yells, grab the boxes by the bottom, or heads are going to roll!

Have you ever seen a wrestling match?

Of course you haven't, matches can't wrestle if they come in boxes

Why do restaurants put pizza in square boxes?

Because they don't cut corners.

A guy walking down the road ,comes across a farmer. This farmer has boxes upon upon boxes of peaches, in the middle of nowhere mind you.

The guy, buys a few peaches and asks the farmer, what do you do with this massive amount of peaches
The farmer replies 'well we sell what we can, and what we can't we can.'

Boxes of previously uncounted ballots have been found in Florida

Associated Press is now declaring the State of Florida for Al Gore