Box Office Jokes
39 box office jokes and hilarious box office puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about box office that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Box Office Short Jokes
Short box office jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The box office humour may include short movie theater jokes also.
- At the box office this weekend Predator took first place and The Nun took second. Coincidently, that's how the Catholic Church ranks it's priorities.
- Why do movies with Kevin Hart and Dwayne 'The Rock' Johnson pairing do well in the box office? Because they have a little Hart and a big Johnson
- 50 shades of grey broke a lot of box office records for R-rated movies… Well first it tied them, then it beat them.
- Why was the Rice Krispies movie a box office flop? The story of Snap, Crackle and Pop is best told in serial.
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Box Office One Liners
Which box office one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with box office? I can suggest the ones about cinema and theater.
- What do you call a cockpit when the pilots are female? The box office.
- Why was the movie about fly fishing a box office flop? Bad casting.
- What do you call a movie theater under construction? A box office
- What do you call a MOVIE about COWS? A box office disaster.
- Heard about the first ever Pakistani movie...? ... It bombed at the box office!
- What happens to s**... bombs later in life? They become box-office bombs
Great Box Office Jokes to Share, Laugh and Enjoy with Friends
What funny jokes about box office you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean opening weekend jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make box office pranks.
Driving to work, a gentlman had to swerve to avoid a box that fell out of a truck in front of him.
Seconds later, a policeman pulled him over for reckless driving.
Fortunately, another officer had seen the carton in the road.
The policmen stopped traffic and recovered the box.
It was found to contain large upholstery tacks.
"I'm sorry sir," the first trooper told the driver,
"but I am still going to have to write you a ticket."
Amazed, the driver asked for what.
The trooper replied, "Tacks evasion."
A police officer stopped a driver for speeding.
"Can I see your driving license?"
"I don’t have it, I had it removed because of point system."
"Can I see your license for the vehicle?"
"But it is not my car, I stole it."
"Stole it?"
"Right, let me think, I think I saw the permition before in the glove box when I put my gun in there."
"There is a gun in the car?"
"Yes sir, I put it right there, when I shot and killed the woman driving this car and then put the body back to the trunk."
"There is a corpse in a car?"
"Right, sir."
After all these he calls the police chief.
And soon the car gets surrounded by police.
The captain approaches the driver to handle the situation.
"Sir, can I see your qualification?"
"Of course, ultimately, there it is."
"In fact, it’s OK, and to whom does the car belong to?"
"It is mine, there is my license as well."
"uld you open the glove box, is there a gun inside?"
"Of course, take a look, there is nothing."
"Do you mind opening the trunk too? They told me that you put a body in there."
"No problem, take a look."
"Empty too! But I do not understand, the officer who stopped you told us that you said that you did not have a driving license, that you stole the car, that you had a gun in the glove box and that there was a dead body in the trunk."
"Oh right! I bet he told you that I was running and speeding!"
A Man Gets Pulled Over
So a man is driving down the street when he approaches a large box of push tac's in the middle of the road and swerves to avoid it. He keeps driving but soon hears a siren and see's a police officer in his rear view mirror hailing him to pull over.
"Do you know why I pulled you over, Sir?"
"No Officer, why?"
"Tac's Evasion"
Fishing trip
A man phones home from the office and tells his wife, "Something has just come up. I need to go fishing with the boss for the weekend. We leave right away, so can you pack my clothes, my fishing equipment, and my blue silk pajamas? I'll be home in an hour to pick them up."
He hurries home, grabs everything and rushes off.
Sunday night, he returns. His wife asks, "Did you have a good trip?"
"Oh yes, great! I think I really impressed the boss. But you forgot to pack my blue silk pajamas."
"Oh, no I didn't. I put them in your tackle box."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man gets pulled over...
A man gets pulled over and the police officer approaches the driver's window. "Do you know why I pulled you over?" The driver says, "No sir." The cop says "Well son, you were speeding. Now please hand me your license and registration." The driver pulls out his license and says, "Well my registration is in the glove box, but I have to warn you, there is a loaded p**... in there." The cop is taken aback and places a hand on his own weapon. "Why do you have a loaded gun?" "Well it's what I used to kill the guy in my trunk." The cop then freaks out a little and calls for backup. While waiting, he has the driver toss his keys to the road and keep his hands up. Backup arrives, and they get him into the back of the squad car. Shortly after, their chief pulls up.
"Alright sir, we are going to retrieve the gun from the glove box, and the body from the trunk. We need you to identify the body, and then we will take you to the station for holding."
The driver says, "Sir there's no dead body in my trunk, nor is there a gun in the glove box...I bet he told you I was speeding too!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Topical Jokes (5/21)
Here we are, once again. It's time for some laugh-words.
First up, we've got some big movie news. "Transformers 4" is now updating its cast. To appeal more to the US box office, the evil Decepticons will be played by menacing vending machines that won't let go of your Doritos.
More movie news, the trailer for the new "X-Men" flick shows that Wolverine will potentially face grave injury. The harrowing injury comes about when our hero forgets to retract his claws before wiping.
This is a cool story, a US Airways flight safely made a belly landing at Newark Airport. The plane was evidently taken down by heavy turbulence originating from Governor Christie's farts at a nearby Long John Silver's.
TV news, ESPN has been forced to take major layoffs and budget cuts. You can tell things are getting cheap as now the only athletic event they now can afford to cover is Tiger Woods dodging heels thrown by his exes.
In the political sector, Vice President Biden recently ribbed the president for always using a teleprompter. However, nobody seemed to ridicule Biden when he read his recent speech on healthcare reform off the back of a h**... napkin.
And finally, the new Xbox will utilize "the cloud" - so no matter where you are in the world, at any time, you can look up the fact that you lost a brave Call of Duty battle to a 13 year-old user named "GeneralFatPenis69".
Thanks for reading again, folks. I really appreciate it!
A horse walks into a movie theater...
... he goes to the Box office and asks the clerk for a ticket.
the clerk looks at the horse and gasps, terrified. "you talk!!!!"
the Horse says "Don't worry, I will not talk once the movie starts"
Grad School Interview
Ted Kaczynski was the Unabomber but very few people remember that he was also a professor at Berkley with his own graduate students. Here is a list of his interview questions for the perspective candidates.
1) How are you?
2) Did you find my office OK?
3) Are you a cop? Legally, I think you have to tell me if you are, right?
4) Good. Lets say you find that someone had accidently left, what I think most people would agree is a completely reasonable manifesto in the copier, what would you do?
5) Complete the following sentence; Snitches get…..
6) Using your geometry skills, fit these components into this rectangular wooden box.
7) Take this package to the post office…..this is a timed event.
Buh, buh ,bible . . .
A man with a stutter answers an ad for "bible salesman wanted". He walks into the office and says " I wanna suh, suh, sell buh, buh, buh, bibles ! "
The office manager, holding back a laugh, replies "sure thing, just take this here box and go door-to-door until they are gone. Then come back for more."
The office manager is amazed when the man comes back the next day and says "I nuh, nuh, nuh, need muh, muh, more buh, buh, buh, buh, bibles ! "
The office manager is dumbstruck but agrees to give the man another box, with one condition. "You have to tell me how you did it. "He says.
"Well I just nah, nah, nock on the duh, duh, duh, door and say, I'm suh, suh, suh, selling buh, buh, buh, bibles. Wuh, wuh, wuh, would you like to buh, buh, buh, buy one or should I reh, reh, reh, READ IT TO YOU? "
So a man gets pulled over for speeding...
The officer says " liscence and registration" the man says in response "But officer I.. I have a gun in my glove box" so the officer calls in his backup and the guy is sitting outside of his car when he says "I also have a body in the trunk" and then the cops have a detective come to file a report on this man and when the detective comes they start with the glove box and there's no gun, they now on to the trunk and there's no body and then the man says "and I bet he told you I was speeding too"
Ricky Gervais Tim Allen joke.
“What can I say about our next two presenters?” Ricky Gervais asked.
“The first is an actor, producer and director whose movies have grossed over $3.5bn at the box office. He’s won two Academy Awards and three Golden Globes for his powerful and varied performances, starring in such films as Philadelphia, Forrest Gump, Castaway, Apollo 13 and Saving Private Ryan. The other... is Tim Allen.”
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Cop pulls a man over and the man hands him a concealed carry permit....
So the cop asked the man "are you carrying today sir?"
Man says "yes sir, I have a Colt .45 on my hip and a .22 in my boot."
"Anything else?" Said the officer. Man says "well there's a Glock in the glove box, a 12 gauge on the back seat... oh plus the M4, Springfield and Tommy gun in the trunk."
Officer responds "Are you going to or from the gun range sir?"
"Neither officer."
"Well then what are you so afraid of?"
The man looks the officer square in the eye and says
"Not a God d**... thing..."
Oldie I remembered, thought I'd share.
Today someone told me this joke about the stereotype that we Swabians are stingy
A Swabian goes to the registry office and asks how he can change his name.
The civil servant asks him, why he needs the name change.
The Swabian answers: "I found a box full of business cards in the street yesterday."
"I'm 29 years old today..."
"I'm 29 years old today," said Ralph, setting a box of donuts on the table in the office. His coworkers all wished him a happy birthday.
Next day, Ralph's secretary answers the phone...
"Hello, my name is Carl. I'm Ralph's brother in law, and I'd like to wish Ralph a happy birthday," says the man on the line.
"Birthday? You're a day late. He just told us yesterday he turned 29."
"No," says Carl. "He *was* 29 yesterday. *Today* he's 30."
(based on a true story)
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
That clown movie topping the box office is the real reason why we've been having so many hurricanes
Because when IT reigns, it pours.
Monday blues
Dr: what's wrong?
Bob: I'm depressed. I don't think anyone likes me.
Dr:what makes you say that?
Bob:well I had finally had it at work so I gave everyone in the office a box of poisoned candy on friday.
Dr: that's aweful!
Bob: yeah. I know. The worst part is they all still came in to work that Monday
Driving to work...
Driving to work, a gentleman had to swerve to avoid a box that fell out of a truck in front of him. Seconds later, a policeman pulled him over for reckless driving. Fortunately, another officer had seen the carton in the road. The policemen stopped traffic and recovered the box. It was found to contain large upholstery tacks.
"I'm sorry sir," the first trooper told the driver, "but I am still going to have to write you a ticket."
Amazed, the driver asked for what.
The trooper replied, "Tacks evasion."
*
This joke was email to me by a Comedy Defensive Driving class I took to take care of a speeding ticket (three years ago).
Mike Pence walks into the Oval Office and sees Trump whooping and hollering.
"What's the matter, Mr. President?" The Vice President inquired.
"Nothing at all, boss. I just finished a jigsaw puzzle in record time!" The President beamed.
"How long did it take you?"
"Well, the box said '3 to 5 Years' but I did it in a month!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
If someone made a movie about a m**... in a packaging station
It would be killing in the box office
Another Blonde Joke
A blonde, a brunette and a redhead have just robbed a bank are are on the run with the police hot on their tails. They run down an alley and find three empty boxes, so they each jump in a box. The police round the corner and approach the boxes. They kick the first box, containing the brunette. She yells out: Woof woof! . Oh, it's only puppies , says the police officer. They kick the second box. The redhead yells out Meow meow! . Oh, it's just kittens , says the officer. They kick the third box. The blonde yells out: Potatoes potatoes!
A man was driving on the highway when suddenly he had to swerve to avoid a box falling off the truck front of him.
Seconds later, a police officer pulled him over for reckless driving. As the officer was writing the ticket, the driver noticed that the box he'd avoided had been full of nails and tacks.
"I had to swerve or I'd have run over those and blown my tires!" he protested.
"Okay," replied the officer, ripping up the ticket, "but I'm still bringing you in."
"What for?!", cried the man.
"Tacks evasion."
Reckless Driving
A man was driving on the highway when all of a sudden he had to swerve to avoid a box falling off the truck that was in front of him.
Seconds later, a police office pulled him over for reckless driving.
As the officer was writing the ticket, the driver noticed the box he'd avoided had been full of nails and tacks.
"I had to swerve otherwise I'd have run over those and blown my tires!" he protested.
"OK," replied the officer, as he ripped up the ticket, "but I'm still bringing you in."
"What for?!"
"Tacks evasion."
Wembley Tickets- England v Scotland Friday 18th June 2021 Kick off 8pm
One of my best friends has two spare tickets in a corporate box for the England v Scotland game. They were £300 each but he didn't realise they are on the same day as his Covid 19 postponed wedding.
If you are interested he is looking for someone to take his place!
It is at Manchester registry office at 2pm. The brides name is Nicola, she is 28, 5f 6 tall, a bit of a looker and a good cook.