Box Of Chocolates Jokes
107 box of chocolates jokes and hilarious box of chocolates puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about box of chocolates that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Box Of Chocolates Short Jokes
Short box of chocolates jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The box of chocolates humour may include short chocolate bar jokes also.
- life is like a box of chocolates.... it is destroyed remarkably fast by an emotional woman.
- What does a box of chocolate and life have in common? They don't last long for fat people.
- My momma always said, life is like a box of chocolates Empty, because you have no self-control.
- Your first time is like a box of chocolates You finish so much faster them you thought
- They say life is like a box of chocolates... And I'm lactose intolerant.
- Momma said life is like a box of chocolates... If you're fat it's not gonna last as long :/
- Momma always said life was like a box of chocolates... ... if you're fat, it won't last long.
- How is a speech impediment like a box of chocolates? It doesn't really matter, as long as it has good cocoa content.
- Life is like a box of chocolates Fat people go through it faster than skinny ones
- What do david beckham and Ferrero Rocher chocolates have in common? They both come in a posh box
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Box Of Chocolates One Liners
Which box of chocolates one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with box of chocolates? I can suggest the ones about life is like a box of chocolates and choc.
- PETA is like a box of chocolates They kill dogs
- Crazy ex-girlfriends are like a box of chocolate They'll kill your dog
- Police are like a box of chocolates.... They'll kill your dog.
- Life is like a box of chocolates It doesn't last as long for the obese.
- Women are like a box of chocolates I'm always stuck with the one's nobody wants.
- Why is the Toblerone chocolate shaped like a triangle? So that it'll fit inside the box.
- Why is a cop like a box of chocolates? They'll kill your dog.
- My wife is like a box of chocolates She never talks to me.
- A crazy ex is like a box of chocolates If you're not careful, they'll kill your dog.
- My Ex-Wife was like a box of chocolate Everyone got a piece
- Women are like a box of chocolates You never know which ones gonna have nuts
- Life is like a box of chocolates... Sometimes you just end up with nuts in your mouth.
- Just remember, Police are like a box of chocolates.. ..they'll kill your dog.
- Life is like a box of chocolates. The poor can't afford it.
- The EU is like a box of chocolates; Nobody likes the Turkish.
Life Is Like A Box Of Chocolates Jokes
Here is a list of funny life is like a box of chocolates jokes and even better life is like a box of chocolates puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Life is like a box of chocolates It won't last long if you're fat
- My momma always said "Life is like a box of chocolates..." "...it'll kill your dog."
- Life is like a box of chocolates... It doesn't last as long if you're fat.
- Life is like a box of chocolates You're not going to enjoy it if you're anorexic
- Mama always said life is like a box of chocolates It won't last very long for fat people.
- Life is like a box of chocolates: Disturbingly expensive, yet... vaguely disappointing.
- Life is like a box of chocolate It doesn't last long for fat people.
- Life is like a box of chocolates... When you've reached the end you feel sick, ashamed, and you just want to die.
- Life is like a box of chocolates If you have Diabetes, it probably won't be good for you.
- I was always told life is like a box of chocolates.. The fatter you are, the shorter it lasts.
Box Of Chocolates Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about box of chocolates you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean chocolate cake jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make box of chocolates pranks.
A nice box of chocolates provide your total daily intake of calories in one place. Isn't that handy?
Gurl, you remind me of a box of chocolates.....(Why?) Cause I want to take your top off.
A wise dog once told me: "Life is like a box of chocolates... it kills you."
The Pope and a couple of Astronauts make it to Mars.
There, they meet a bunch of Martians. The Pope who was eager to know If Christianity is universal asks one of the martians; Have you heard of Jesus Christ?
Well yes, says the martian, we know him quiet well he visits us regularly. What do you do for him to visit you regularly? We give him a box of chocolates every year he visits us, why what do you give him?
The Pope fell silent.
Irishman in confession
An Irishman goes into the confessional box after years of being away from the Church. There's a fully equipped bar with Guinness on tap. On the other wall is a dazzling array of the finest cigars and chocolates.
Then the priest comes in. "Father, forgive me, for it's been a very long time since I've been to confession, but I must first admit that the confessional box is much more inviting than it used to be."
The priest replies, "Get out. You're on my side."
For Valentine's Day, I bought a bottle of champagne and a box of chocolates...
...and passed out alone on the couch, same as every night.
An Arab Sheik was admitted to Hospital for heart surgery.
But prior to the surgery, the doctors needed to store his blood in case a need arose.
As the gentleman had a rare type of blood, it couldn't be found locally, so the call went out.
Finally a Scotsman was located who had a similar blood type. The Scot willingly donated his blood for the Arab.
After the surgery, the Arab sent the Scotsman as appreciation for giving his blood, a new BMW motorcycle, diamonds and a substantial sum of money.
A couple of days later, the Arab had to go through a corrective surgery.
His doctor telephoned the Scotsman who was more than happy to donate his blood again.
After the second surgery, the Arab sent the Scotsman a thank-you card and a box of Quality Street chocolates.
The Scotsman was shocked that the Arab did not reciprocate his kind gesture as he had anticipated.
He phoned the Arab and asked him: "I thought you would be generous again, that you would give me another motorcycle, diamonds & money... but you only gave me a thank-you card & a box of Quality Street chocolates."
To this the Arab replied: "Aye laddie, but I now have Scottish blood in ma veins".
So aliens from Mars comes down to Earth...
...And they're friendly! The leaders of the world and the aliens plan a huge televised event where the leaders can ask questions on whatever they want.
During this event, the pope is up to talk to the aliens.
"I know this question may sound odd to you gentlemen," the pope starts to ask, "but I was wondering if you and your kind knew about Jesus Christ?"
"Jesus Christ?!?" the alien leader exclaims, "how do we not! He swings by our planet every two years or so. Awesome guy!"
Now this obviously starts a huge debate within the UN, as this information now has implications to everything they knew. The pope, however, is not exactly a happy person as his brain is on other information.
"EVERY TWO YEARS OR SO?!?" The pope exclaims, "We've still been waiting for his SECOND coming!"
Trying to calm down the pope, the aliens say "Well maybe he didn't like your chocolate."
The pope, upon hearing this news, takes a few moments to calm down. When he finally regains his composure, he states calmly, "Forgive me, but what does chocolate have anything to do with this?"
The aliens respond, "Well when he was on our planet, we would give him huge boxes of chocolates. Why, what did you guys do when he was here?"
Life is like a box of chocolates...
It's expensive, you don't like half of it, and sometimes you can give the whole thing to a woman and she still wont have s**... with you.
Women are like a box of chocolates
I always get stuck with the ones no one wants.
Alternatively...
Women are like parking spaces
All the good ones are taken and the rest are either handicapped or way too far out there.
And if there's a good one then somebody just pulled out.
I had an ex-girlfriend who was rather big, and she possessed an unusual talent;
she was ambidextrose - she could polish off a box of chocolates with either hand.
My girlfriend is ambidextrose
she can polish off a box of chocolates with either hand.
Sad news from the Nestlé chocolate factory.
Sad news from the Nestlé chocolate factory. A man was crushed to death under hundreds of boxes of chocolate.
Apparently every time he shouted: The Milky Bars are on me! his workmates just cheered.
Girls in Thailand are like a box of chocolates
Some of them have nuts
Life is like a box of chocolates...
If you end up with brown sticky fingers, you're doing it wrong.
w**... are like a box of chocolates...
you have to pay more for the ones with cherries.
What is the difference between a cop and a box of chocolates?
Nothing. They'll both kill your dog.
Whats the difference between an Asian man and a box of chocolates?
They'll both kill your dog, but the Asian will cook it afterwards.
Horrible Valentines Chocolates
Girl: Those chocolates you gave me s**....
Boy: *looks at empty box* then why'd you eat them all?
Girl: I had to make sure they all s**....
Life is like a box of chocolates...
No one likes the dark ones, and the more white the others are, the richer they get.
Responsible parents are like a box of chocolates
They won't kill your gorilla
Lives are like a box of chocolates
Taking more than one at a time is frowned upon.
Ex girlfriends are like a box of chocolate
You share it with your whole family.
My girlfriend loves me so much
She bought my dog a box of chocolates.
Life is like a box of chocolates...
You have a vague assumption of what you're going to get but in the end you're always dissapointed.
Life is like a box of chocolates
It's too expensive and you ownly end up liking half of it.
Horror movies are like a box of chocolates
The dark ones always go first
America is like a box of chocolates.
The white ones *technically* shouldn't be there, yet they're apparently everyone's favorite.
Girlfriends are like a box of chocolate.
The goods ones are already taken and the rest have a bite taken out and put back.
Girls in Bangkok are like a box of chocolates...
you never know which one has nuts !!!
Life is like a box of chocolates
It starts sweet and ends up with you on the toliet giving yourself counselling.
I just ate a whole box of chocolates
What do I do with the chocolates now?
Life is like a box of chocolates
I can't get anything because I'm lactose intolerant
Life is Like a Box of Chocolates
It s**... if you are diabetic.
Life is like a box of chocolate
It's a lot shorter when you're fat.
Like a box of chocolates...
What's Forrest Gump's online password?
1forrest1
Have you heard about the chocolate box thief?
He's always got a few Twix up his sleeve.
Sad news from the Nestle factory today as a man was crushed to death by hundreds of boxes of chocolate.
He tried in vain to attract attention but every time he yelled "The Milky Bars are on me!", people just cheered.
A girl walks into a chocolate shop to buy a personalized box of chocolates.
The man at the counter says: What are your pronouns?
The girl says: Hershey.
Irish Confession
Murphy goes into the confessional box after years of being away from the Church.
He pulls aside the curtain, enters and sits himself down.
There's a fully equipped bar with crystal glasses, the best vestry wine, Guinness on tap, cigars and liqueur chocolates nearby.
And on the wall a fine photographic display of various women who appear to have misplaced their garments.
He hears a priest come in. Father, forgive I think its been a while since I've been to confession and to be sure I must say that the confessional box is much better than it used to be.
The priest replies, Get out, you idiot. You're on my side!
Maybe Jesus didn't like your chocolates
So aliens come to earth and they're Sooo nice. There's a huge televised event with all the world leaders in attendance.
The Pope asks, "Do you know of Jesus Christ?"
The aliens say, "Do we Ever? Awesome guy!! Swings by the planet every couple of years to say Hi!"
The Pope exclaims, "Every couple of years?? What!!?? We're still waiting for his second coming!"
The alien replies, "Maybe he didn't like your chocolate?"
The Pope is flabbergasted, "What does chocolate have to do with anything?"
The alien says, "Well when he came the first time, we gave him a huge box of chocolates! Why? What did you guys give him?"
A very very Very old joke :)
Cops are like a box of chocolates
they kill your dog
Aliens come to earth...
They meet with all the world leaders. Eventually it's the Pope's turn to chat to them. He asks the one alien, Greetings alien, what do you think of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ?
The alien exclaims, Ah, JC! He's my boy! We have a massive party when he visits us once a year!
He visits you once a year? The Pope asks in astonishment. He hasn't been to earth in more than two millennia! How did you manage that?!
Well, when he first came to our planet we gave him a box of our finest chocolates. What did you guys do?
Life isn't like a box of chocolates.
It's more like a jar of jalapeños. What you do today might burn your a**... tomorrow.
An Irishman goes into the confessional box...
An Irishman goes into the confessional box after years of being away from the Church.
There's a fully equipped bar with Guinness on tap.
On the other wall is a dazzling array of the finest cigars and chocolates.
Then the priest comes in.
"Father, forgive me, for it's been a very long time since I've been to confession, but I must first admit that the confessional box is much more inviting than it used to be."
The priest replies: "Get out. You're on my side."
Tragic news from the Nestle factory today as a worker was crushed to death under hundreds of boxes of chocolates.
He tried in vain to get help but every time he shouted, "The milky bars are on me!!" --his fellow workmates just cheered
A good analogy is like a box of chocolates-
you never know when you're going to get a mixed metaphor.