Bourbon Jokes
42 bourbon jokes and hilarious bourbon puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about bourbon that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Laugh out loud with these hilarious bourbon jokes! From scruffy bourbon biscuit puns to witty quips about taking a sip of brandy, there's something for everyone. So grab a glass, sit back, and get ready for a good time!
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Funniest Bourbon Short Jokes
Short bourbon jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The bourbon humour may include short burg jokes also.
- I guess I've cut back on my drinking... Time was, I'd buy a half gallon of bourbon and get drunk four times. Now I buy a half gallon and just get drunk twice.
- Why is it you can take a shot of bourbon and still drive, but can't after you've had another? Because it's two whiskey.
- What do you get when you cross Van Gogh with George Thorogood? One bourbon
One scotch
And one ear - I thought my new ADHD meds would help my drinking and it works. Instead of a half dozen glasses of bourbon with only a sip or two drunk from them, I actually finish them all.
- I told my grand kids that I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle... So they unplugged my computer and threw out my bourbon..
- The fire service is attending to a man who is trapped after falling into a vat of bourbon at the Jim Beam factory. Although, he is said to be in good spirits.
- Apparently getting into the bourbon industry is quite the gamble. I heard it's whiskey business.
- A man in Kentucky mixed together sweet tea, citrus juice and bourbon at a party You were expecting a punch line weren't you?
- Why didn't the bourbon distiller try to lift a full 53 gallon barrel by himself? Because it was too whiskey.
- When I was little my dad always did this one magic trick. He turned a bottle of bourbon into domestic violence
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Bourbon One Liners
Which bourbon one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with bourbon? I can suggest the ones about booze and bard.
- Why does a sensible man not order a double bourbon? Because it's two whisky.
- I like my bourbon the way I like my women... Eighteen years old and full of coke.
- Why does bourbon come in fifths? Because you need it when you're too tense.
- How do Gorons take their bourbon? On the rocks
- Remember, Chemically Speaking Bourbon *is* a solution
- Jesus walked on water... And I can't even stand up on good bourbon.
- Why is the French Revolution just like Prohibition? They both got rid of Bourbon!
- I was going to start a bourbon company but I heard it's whiskey business...
- A blind man walks into a bar He orders a bourbon.
Howlingly Hilarious Bourbon Jokes for All Ages to Enjoy
What funny jokes about bourbon you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean bung jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make bourbon pranks.
A man wanted to teach his sons the evils of alcohol
So he takes out two glasses. Fills one with bourbon and one with water.
He puts A worm in the bourbon and a worm in the water. Worm in the water lives, worm in the bourbon dies.
He turns to his son and say "now what does that teach you about the evils of alcohol?"
His son thought about it for a second and says "well if I drink bourbon I won't get worms"
-my dad tells this one to at least one person every time he goes into a liquor store-
A real cowboy?
An old cowboys goes into a bar, sits down and orders a drink. As he sits there sipping his bourbon, a young lady sits down next to him. She turns to the cowboys and asks "Are you a real cowboy?".
He replies "Well, I've spent my whole life on the ranch, herding horses, mending fences and branding cattle, so I guess I am".
She says "That's cool. I'm a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about women. As soon as I get up in the morning I think about women. When I shower or watch TV, everything seems to make me think of women".
The young lady finishes her drink and leaves and soon after a couple sits down next to the cowboy and the man asks him "Are you a real cowboy?".
He replies "Well, I always thought I was but I just found out I'm a lesbian".
A blonde, a brunette and a redhead went into a bar and asked the bartender:
Brunette: "I'll have a B and C."
Bartender:"What is a B and C?".
Brunette: "Bourbon and Coke."
Redhead: "And, I'll have a G and T."
Bartender: "What's a G and T?"
Redhead: "Gin and tonic."
Blonde: "I'll have a 15."
Bartender: "What's a 15?"
Blonde: "7 and 7"
I've just invented a new drink.
It's has Irish whiskey, German schnapps, French cognac, English beer, and American bourbon.
I call it the Titonic.
While it sounds strange, add ice and it goes down quickly.
Little Johnny and the Salesman
A salesman knocks on a door. A few seconds later the door opens. Little Johnny is standing there with a bourbon and Coke in one hand and lit cigar in the other hand.
The salesman looks at him for a second and then asks "Little boy, is your mommy here?"
Johnny flicks some cigar ash on the carpet, rubs it into the carpet with his shoe. Then he looks at the salesman and asks "What do you think?"
A drunk orders a shot of Wild Turkey....
Sorry sir, we don't have Wild Turkey only a House bourbon? What can I get you?
I'll have a shot of Wild Turkey
I'm so sorry sir, we just ran out, how about a Jack Daniels
I'll have a shot of Wild Turkey
Okay sir, if you can spell Wild Turkey, I'll get you a shot
W-I-L-D T-U-R-K-E-Y, Wild Turkey
Sir you forgot the F
There's no F in Wild Turkey
That's what I've been trying to tell you,
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A Jew, c**..., American and a Indian are sitting around a table
... and they're all sipping on their bourbon. They're all very rich and they c**... says " I think I will buy Apple. " And they all nod in approval save the jew.
Then the Indian says " I want to buy Google. " And they all nod in approval save the jew.
Then the American says " I want to buy Samsung " And they all nod in approval save the jew.
Then the jew shudders and says " sorry, not selling. "
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man rushes into a bar,
he orders up two shots of bourbon. As soon as the bartender puts them in front of him, the guy slams them down his t**....
"Two more!", the man requests.
The bartender, frowning, pours two more shots. Immediately the man downs both.
"Keep 'em coming - TWO MORE!", he demands.
The bartender advises, "You should slow down there buddy?"
The man replies, "Hey! If you had what I have, you'd be drinkin' this way too!"
The bartender, embarrased, apologizes pouring two more, "I'm sorry man. What have you got?"
The guy explains, "A buck-fifty"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Adolf h**... walks into a bar.....
The owner, surprised to see the German leader at his bar, asks if he'd like his top-notch bourbon on the house. No thanks, h**... replies. I'll just take a screwdriver. One screwdriver turned into 10 before Adolf called it quits and headed home.
The next night, h**... returned to the bar, but this time takes up the owner's offer on the bourbon. Even the best v**... can make a man sick if he's had too many, says the owner. It wasn't the v**..., h**... replies. It's the juice.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two guys
Two guys are at the bar, o**... drinks 2 beers then tells his buddy he has to go home his wife only let's him have 2 beers. His buddy tells him that's messed up and here is what he should do, drink as many beers as he can, 5 whiskeys and a bourbon. Then go home and dive under the covers and eat out his wife's p**......she won't care what time you come home or how much you have had to drink if you do that.
He thinks about it for a minute then decides it's a great plan. So he gets drunk goes home dives under the covers and goes to town, after about 10 minutes he thinks she should be happy, but his wife won't kiss him until he washes his face. So he opens the door to the bathroom and there is his wife sitting in the tub.
The husband starts stuttering and carrying on confused. When his wife shushes him and tells him to be quiet...or he will wake his mother.
Three guys walk into an exotic bar...
Three guys- Sam, Jim, and Mike- walk into an exotic bar and see something strange. Every single person in the bar is standing in four separate lines. The three guys approach the bar and asks the bartender what is going on. "If you want to get served, ya gotta get in a line. What do you boys want?"
"I'll have a beer", Sam said and the bartender pointed to the beer line.
"I'll have some bourbon", Jim said and the bartender pointed to the whiskey line.
"I'm not drinking tonight, so do you have any fruit punch?" asked Mike. The bartender stares blankly then signals over his bouncer.
"Hey Bobby, kick this man out!"
"Woah, woah, what did I do wrong?" cried Mike.
"There is no punchline!"
On the top floor of a hotel, there was a panorama bar...
...and two men were each enjoying a quiet drink.
One of them asks the other: "What are you drinking?" The other replies: "Scotch, single malt. It's pretty good."
Then the first man says "You should really try out this bourbon right here - two shots of these, and you can do anything." The second man wasn't convinced, so it was up to the first man to prove it.
He swallowed his drink, went over to the window and jumped out fell all the way to the ground, landed and jumped back up again. "There. Anything, I tell you."
So the other man immediately ordered a double of the first man's bourbon, drank it in one go and jumped out the window where he fell to his death.
Then the bartender looked at the first man and said: "Clark Kent, you are one mean drunk."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A guy goes to the bar on his 21st birthday.
He says to the bartender, "I just turned twenty-one; give me a shot of bourbon!"
The bartender says, "Congratulations!" and pours him the shot. A p**... approaches the man and says "You've just turned twenty-one huh? Ever been laid, boy?"
The man replies, "No ma'am. My momma always told me those things have teeth." The p**... laughs and leads him upstairs to her room. She pulls down her skirt and laughs, "You see any teeth down there boy?" He says, "No ma'am; and with gums like those I can see why!"
High Urinals
High Urinals
A group of 3rd, 4th, and 5th graders, accompanied by two female teachers, went on a field trip to the local racetrack, (Churchill Downs) to learn about thoroughbred horses and the supporting industry (Bourbon) - but mostly to see the horses.
When it was time to take the children to the bathroom, it was decided that the girls would go with one teacher and the boys would go with the other. The teacher assigned to the boys was waiting outside the men's room when one of the boys came out and told her that none of them could reach the urinals.
Having no choice, she went inside, helped the boys with their pants, and began hoisting the little boys up one by one, helping them to hold on to their 'wee-wees' to direct the flow away from their clothes.
As she lifted one, she couldn't help but notice that he was unusually well endowed. Trying not to show that she was staring, the teacher said, 'You must be in the 5th grade.' 'No, ma'am', he replied. 'I'm riding Silver Arrow in the seventh race, but I appreciate your help.'
