Bouncer Jokes
82 bouncer jokes and hilarious bouncer puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about bouncer that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
A collection of funny jokes about bar bouncers, waiters, nightclubs, and doormen. Enjoy hilarious anecdotes and anecdotes to make you and your friends laugh. You won’t be able to suppress your smile!
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Funniest Bouncer Short Jokes
Short bouncer jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The bouncer humour may include short bouncy jokes also.
- Hired a bouncer recently, but he showed up 5 minutes late, and during the event he wouldn't stop asking me if "I was mad at him" Turns out I hired an "Insecurity Guard".
- The bouncer said to me, I'm going to have to ask you to leave. I said, Why? He replied, I have no idea who you are and this is my trampoline.
- Police have confirmed that the man who tragically fell from the roof of an 18th floor Nightclub... He was not a bouncer.
- It doesn't matter how badly you want to, you just can't fight Destiny... Because then you'd have to fight the bouncers and the other strippers too.
- A kangaroo hops into the bar, the bartender, says "sorry we're closed" The kangaroo says, "I thought you needed a bouncer"
*Ba dum tiss* - If I ran a night club I'd hire a rabbit to guard the front door. I heard they're good bouncers.
- William Shakespear walks into a bar... ..the bouncer sees him and throws him out of the door.
"You can't come in here", the bouncer tells Will, "you're Bard!" - A horse, a dog, and a penguin walk into a bar. The bartender says to the bouncer, "Seriously, Frankie, why are we even paying you?"
- A man walks into a bar and sees a trampoline. "What do you got this here for?" He asks.
The bartender replies: "it's for the bouncer." - What did the arrogant rich kid with amnesia say to the bouncer at a bar? DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM?!
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Bouncer One Liners
Which bouncer one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with bouncer? I can suggest the ones about bouncing ball and bungee.
- What do you call the bouncer at a gay bar? A flamethrower
- What are security officers called at a trampoline park? Bouncers
- What happened when the club owner forgot his bouncer's birthday? He let his guard down.
- I met a one-legged woman outside of a club the other day. She was a bouncer.
- What's a bouncer's favourite clothing? The jumper.
- Have you heard of the new club Pooh's Honey Jar? The bouncers name was Tigger!
- What's the name of Ireland's best bouncer? Rick O'Shea
- My girlfriend's a bouncer I only found out because I saw her fall out of a window.
- What do you call a security guard in a jumping castle? A Bouncer
- Careers at United Airline 1. Bouncers
- What's a prehistoric bouncer's worst nightmare? A Tyranasaurus... Wrecked
- Italians make for great bouncers. Because you can never get pasta Italian.
- What do you call the dapper bouncer at a coin op laundromat? The Deter Gent.
;D - What did the bouncer say at the cat cafe? You can't come in, we're at catpacity!
Club Bouncer Jokes
Here is a list of funny club bouncer jokes and even better club bouncer puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Me and my friends tried to enter a vegan club Unfortunately the bouncer did not lettuce in.
- Bouncer with the best name ever I went to the club last night and met this half Spanish, half Russian bouncer with the most appropriate name ever: Julio Buggeroff.
- What did the mushroom say to the bouncer who kicked him outta the club? Oh, c'mon! I'm a fungai!
Bar Bouncer Jokes
Here is a list of funny bar bouncer jokes and even better bar bouncer puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- A man enters a bar only for Asians... The bouncer asks "What kind of Asian are you?"
The man answers "I am Caucasian" - A guy walks up to a bar..... Bouncer- "can I see your I.D.?"
Guy-"I hope so, they don't make them in braille!"
I'll see myself out. - A vegan, a cross fitter and an engineer walk into a bar No they didn't, they couldn't decide who got to tell the bouncer at the door what they do.
- A blanket walks into a bar... the bouncer stops him at the door and says "sir, you have to pay a cover charge to get in."
- What do you call a bouncer at a.. What do you call a bouncer at a gay bar?
A flame thrower. - A guy goes to the bar. The bouncer asks if the guy is driving.
The guy responds, "No I'm standing". - Why did the bouncer not allow gold digger in the bar? Cause miners are strictly prohibited
Witty Bouncer Jokes for Laughter-Filled Fun with Friends
What funny jokes about bouncer you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean bouncy castle jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make bouncer pranks.
A blind man walks into a bar and asks, "You all wanna hear a blonde joke?"
The female bartender responds, "Let me stop you right there. I'm a blonde. The big bouncer at the door is a blonde. There's a biker chick sitting next to you, who is also a blonde. The singer on the stage, the manager of the bar, and two of the people at the table behind you are all blondes. Now think, do you REALLY want to tell that joke here?
"Nah," the man sighs, "not if I'm gonna have to explain it 7 times."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An elderly woman was stopped by the bouncer at this biker bar...
He said, "Before I let you in, I need to ask you some questions. Firstly, since this is a biker bar, do you even have a bike?"
The old lady replied, "Son, did you not see me ride up on my '65 panhead? That's it in the spot up front right there."
"Ok, This is a neutral bar, you're not representing some h**... gang are you? We try to avoid gang politics here."
She replied, "Well, I was a h**...'s Angel, but I'm retired...so what else?"
He asked, "Well, have you ever been picked up by the Fuzz?"
She thought about it for a moment and said, "Not that I can recall, But I have been swung 'round by my n**..., is that good enough?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Getting punch at a party.
A drunk stumbles into a party and gets in line to grab a drink from the punchbowl. Upon reaching the terminus, he spills the entire bowl all over the table and those closest to him in line. A bouncer seizes him by the scuff of the neck and angrily declares: "Look what you've done! You've s**... up the punchline!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two men arguing
I was in a nightclub queue when two blokes in front of me started arguing.
o**... pushed the other and said, "Four, nine."
The other man pushed him back and said, "Sixteen, twenty-five."
A bouncer reached for his walkie-talkie and said, "I need some help at the door. We've got a couple of men squaring up."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A great Polish joke
Guy goes into a bar, and a couple drinks in loudly announces to the bartender, "OK I'm going to tell you a great Polish joke!"
The bartender leans in and whispers, "watch it buddy, I happen to be polish, and while I got a sense of humor, about half the people in here are polish. you see that 6'6" 300 lb bouncer? He's polish too and he don't got a sense of humor!"
"OK," the jokster responds. "I'll tell it slowly!"
A blind man walks into a lesbian biker bar...
Canes his way up to the bar, sits down and asks the bartender if she wants to hear a blonde joke.
The bartender says, "Well, before ya do I should warn ya. I'm blonde and I've got a knife in my purse... that server behind you is blonde and she's got a gun in her purse... the bouncer is an MMA fighter, she's blonde. Our cook just got outta jail for killing a man and -she's- blonde. Finally, the owner of this place is the meanest of us all and she's blonde too. Ya still wanna tell that blonde joke?"
The blind man thinks for a second and says, "Well....not now. I'll have to explain it 5 times."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Worst job
Who has the worst job at a s**... club?
The bouncer, He has to work hard all night.
A toenail walks into a bar...
The toenail orders 3 double whiskeys, drinks them quickly and soon after starts singing loudly. As you can guess toenails are terrible singers, so the bartender gets annoyed and orders the bouncer to throw the drunk, singing toenail out and then, with his hands on his head, the bartender yells "That was just atonal!"
A blind man walks into a bar
A blind man walks into a bar, taps the man next him and says, "Hey, wanna hear a blond joke?"
The man said to the blind man, "Look buddy, I'm blond. The man behind me is a 400-pound professional wrestler, and he's blond. The bouncer is blond. The man sitting over to your left is also blond. Still wanna tell that blond joke?"
The blind man was silent for a moment and then said, "Nah, I wouldn't want to have to explain it five times."
Blonde Bar
A blind man walks into a bar. He orders a drink and relaxes. Later, he yells to the bartender, "Hey! Wanna hear a blonde joke?" The bar is now silent. The man next to the blind man says to him, "I don't think you should tell that joke. That bartender is blond, the person sitting next to you is a professional MMA fighter, I'm blonde and I am 6'5'' and weigh 200 pounds, and the bouncer outside is also blonde. Now, do you really want to tell that blonde joke anymore?" The blind man replies, "No, not if I have to explain it to 4 different people."
A man with a lute...
..went to the pub for a drink, but the bouncer stopped him and said, "Sorry mate, you're bard."
Buddy's been driving all night, sees a roadside bar and stops for a much-needed cold beer.
Bouncer says "sorry bud, gotta have a tie to get in".
Buddy goes to his car, roots thru the trunk and can't find a tie. Grabs his jumper cables and wraps them around his neck.
Bouncer says "cool man, come on in...just don't start anything".
....I'll see myself out now.
A Scottish bouncer walks into his local pub...
...and the bartender says:
"We could have used you in here last night, we had that Spanish actor from that Coen brothers film in, smashing the place up."
"Oh, Javier Bardem?"
"No. We just kicked him out."
A guy goes into a nice restaurant bar...
A guy goes into a nice restaurant bar wearing a shirt open at the collar and is met by a bouncer who tells him he must wear a necktie to gain admission.
So the guy goes out to his car and he looks around for a necktie and discovers that he just doesn't have one. He sees a set of jumper cables in his trunk. In desperation he ties these around his neck, manages to fashion a fairly acceptable looking knot and lets the ends dangle free.
He goes back to the restaurant and the bouncer carefully looks him over for a few moments and then says, "Well, OK, I guess you can come in, just don't start anything."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Blonde joke in a bar..
A blind guy on a bar stool shouts to the bartender, "Wanna hear a blonde joke?"
In a hushed voice, the guy next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, you should know something."
"Our bartender is blonde, the bouncer is blonde. I'm a 6' tall, 200 lb black belt. The guy sitting next to me is 6'2", weighs 225, and he's a rugby player. The fella to your right is 6'5" pushing 300 and he's a wrestler. Each one of us are blonde. Think about it, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?"
The blind guy says, "Nah, not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."
An eldery couple goes to heaven together
When they arrive, they notice there are two pearly gates for men.
Above the first gate is a sign that says:
"Please come here if you wore the breeches in your relationship!"
And above the second gate is a sign that says:
"Please come here when your wife told you what to do!"
There is a huge queue at the second gate, so the husband walks over to the first gate. When he tries to enter, the bouncer asks:
"Are you sure this is the proper gate for you?"
"I have no idea, my wife told me I should come here..."
A blind man walks into a bar
After ordering a drink, and sitting there for a while, the blind guy yells to the bartender,
Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?
The bar immediately becomes absolutely quiet. In a husky, deep voice,the woman next to him says,
Before you tell that joke, you should know something. The bartender is blonde, the bouncer is blonde and I'm a 6′ tall, 200 pound blonde with a black belt in karate. What's more, the fella sitting next to me is blonde and he's a weightlifter. The woman to your right is a blonde, and she's a pro wrestler. Think about it seriously, mister. You still wanna tell that blonde joke?
The blind guy says, Nah, not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times.
A guy walks into a bar...
A man walks into a bar and says to the bartender, "Do you want to hear a Ukrainian joke?" The bartender says, "Well, before you tell it, I should let you know that I'm Ukrainian. And the big guy sitting at the table over there is Ukrainian, too. And the bouncer by the door is also Ukrainian. And, the big, burly guy out back slinging beer off the truck, he's Ukrainian as well. Now, do you still want to tell your Ukrainian joke?" The guy thinks about it for a moment and says "Nah, I don't want to have to explain it four times."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Chad's wife decided to surprise him on his birthday
and to show him that she's a cool wife, she took him to a s**... club.
At the club:
Bouncer: Hi Chad! How you doing tonight?
Wife: How does he know you?
Chad: We play golf together!
Bartender: Evening Chad! The usual?
Wife: And how does he know you?!
Chad: Um, he's on the bowling team!
Hot blonde stripper: Hey s**..., champagne room again tonight?
At this point the wife loses it and storms out of the club, dragging Chad with her, into a taxi.
Taxi driver: Hey Chad! Boy... You picked a fat one tonight huh? Same motel?
I tried to lie to the bouncer about my age when so I could enter the club...
Me: "23 sir".
Bouncer: "Hmm you don't look 23..."
Me: "Oh stop it you're making me blus-"
Bouncer: "You look like you're in your 30s".
Once a tap and a sink went to a bar.
The tap went in but the sink wasn't allowed to enter.
He said to the bouncer today is the oldest you've ever been and the youngest you'll ever be again. Let that sink in.
Dress Code
A guy goes into a restaurant/lounge wearing a shirt open at the collar and is met by a bouncer who tells him he must wear a necktie to gain admission. So the guy goes out to his car and he looks around for a necktie and discovers that he just doesn't have one. He sees a set of jumper cables in his trunk. In desperation he ties these around his neck, manages to fashion a fairly acceptable looking knot and lets the ends dangle free. He goes back to the restaurant and the bouncer carefully looks him over for a few minutes and then says, "Well, OK, I guess you can come in - just don't start anything."
A Libertarian, a Republican, and a Liberal walk into a bar...
the bouncer asks for their IDs. The liberal says he identifies as a 21 year old so they should let him in, the republican hands the bouncer a bribe because the rules don't apply to him. The libertarian asks Do you have a warrant? .
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A Socialist, a Marxist, and a Postmodernist walk into a s**... club.
The bouncer checks their ID's and says
"sorry guys, come back when you're 21."
A priest dies and goes to the gates of Heaven
The priest approaches the bouncer aka St. Peter.
After perusing the list, Peter can't find the priest's name, and tells him to go downstairs to the waiting room until further notice.
Meanwhile, a taxi driver who died at the same time approached the gates.
St. Peter welcomes him with open arms and lets him straight into Heaven.
The priest is dumbfounded. I've preached to thousands of people throughout my life! I've baptized children and converted many to the church! I've lived a holy life!
St. Peter shakes his head and responds:
When you preached, people slept...
When he drove, people prayed.
Guide dogs
Two guys were out walking their dogs on a hot day when they pass by a bar. The first guy says, Let's go in there for a pint.
The second guy says, They won't let us in with our dogs.
First guy: Sure they will, just follow my lead.
He goes up to the pub, and sure enough, the bouncer says, I can't let you in here with that dog.
He replies, Oh, I'm blind and this is my guide dog.
The bouncer says, Ok then, come on in.
The second guy sees this and does the same thing. The bouncer says, You can't come in here with a dog.
He replies, I'm blind and this is my guide dog.
The bouncer responds, You have a Chihuahua for a guide dog?
The second guy exclaims, They gave me a Chihuahua?
What do you call the glamorously dapper bouncer at the local laundromat who helped the singer of "Never Gonna Give You Up" through his anger issues?
Fab Rick softening deter gent.
Blind man walks into a bar
And says to the bartender: hey wanna hear a blonde joke?
Bartender says: listen pal, I'm blonde, the two marines next to you are blonde, the pianist is blonde, and the bouncer is blonde. Now, are you sure you want to make a blonde joke?
Blind man: nah, not if I have to explain it 5 times!
A pair of sunglasses and a set of jumper cables were lined up waiting to get into a nightclub.....
The bouncer was letting everybody in front of them in but when they get to the velvet rope the bouncer says: Sorry fellas, I can't let you in.
Feeling dejected the sunglasses said Why not?
The bouncer replies Well for a start, you're off your head and your mate here looks like he could start something.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two burly bouncers are standing outside the front of a pub.
One says "When I get home, I'm gonna rip my wife's u**... off!"
"Why's that?" The other asks.
The first bouncer finishes " 'cause the elastic is killing me."
No tie, no entry
Guy decides to go to a swanky new nightclub. He gets to the door and the bouncer stops him. "You have to have a tie to get in".
Guy goes back to his car to see if he has a tie laying around. No dice. So he takes his jumper cables and ties them around his neck.
Goes back to the door, bouncer looks him over, says "ok, you can go in, just don't start anything ".
A blind man walks into a bar.
A blind man walks into a bar, taps the man next him, and says, "Hey, wanna hear a blonde joke?"
The man says back to the blind man, "Look buddy, I'm blonde. The man behind me is a 400-pound professional wrestler and he is blonde. The bouncer is blonde. The man sitting over to your left is also blonde. Still wanna tell that blonde joke?"
The blind man is silent for a moment and then says, "Nah, I wouldn't want to have to explain it five times."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Bar Joke
A blind guy on a bar stool shouts to the bartender, "Wanna hear a blonde joke?"
In a hushed voice, the guy next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, you should know something.
Our bartender is blonde, the bouncer is blonde. I'm a 6' tall, 200 lb black belt. The guy sitting next to me is 6'2, weighs 225 and he's a rugby player. The fella to your right is 6'5" pushing 300 and he's a wrestler. Each one of US is blonde. Think about it, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?"
The blind guy says, "Nah, not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."
