bought Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious bought puns

My bullies broke my MP3-Player at school. Luckily, my parents bought me an MP4 for my birthday, but these idiots destroyed it again.

Tomorrow, I'll bring an MP5.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

A 7-year-old is sitting on a park bench eating a chocolate bar.

The man sitting next to him looks over and says, "Eating that many chocolate bars is bad for you."

The boy looks over and responds, "My great grandfather lived to be one hundred and five".

The man replies, "And he ate that much chocolate?"

"No" says the boy, "But he minded his own fucking business."

​

πŸ‘πŸΌ

I bought a dog from a blacksmith this morning...

...within 10 minutes of getting him home he made a bolt for the door.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

A sweater I bought was picking up static electricity. So, I returned it to the store.

They gave me another one free of charge.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

i went to the liquor store on my bike.

i went to the liquor store on my bike and bought a bottle vodka and put it in the basket on the front...then it occoured to me that if i fall or something happens then the bottle might break. so i drank it all right there and its a good thing i did cause i fell 7 times on the way home

apparently this was posted before...i had no idea. a friend sent me a voice recording of someone telling it and i posted it ..sorry

πŸ‘πŸΌ

I was feeling lonely, so I bought some shares.

It's nice to have some company.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

I just bought a thesaurus and when I got it home, all the pages were blank.

I have no words to describe how angry I am.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

My wife asked for something shiny that goes from 0 - 200 in five seconds or less for our anniversary...

I bought her a scale. We're still not speaking.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

I bought a locket today and put my own picture in it. Guess now I really am....

Independent

πŸ‘πŸΌ

I accidently bought a fleshlight instead of a flashlight.

When the power went out I was screwed.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

I bought a pair of shoes from a drug dealer

I have no idea what he laced them with, but I've been tripping all day.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

My Son is such a c**t...

I bought him a new trampoline for Christmas and all he wants to do is sit in his wheelchair and cry.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

I've just bought a thesaurus but all the pages are blank

I have no words to describe how angry I am.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

I bought my son a puppy for his birthday, but I accidentally backed over him in the driveway and killed him...

Sure is gonna be tough raising this puppy without him.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

Bought a dog from a blacksmith today...

Within 10 minutes of getting home, he made a bolt for the door.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

A woman was arrested for bringing her own popcorn, candy, and soda to the movie theater.

She was fined and had to pay court fees, but the good news is she still came out a few bucks ahead from if she would have bought the popcorn at the theater.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

They say you are what you eat...

today I bought some ready to eat chicken and sure enough I was ready to eat chicken.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

I bought my girlfriend a fridge for our anniversary...

I know it wasn't a great gift, but I loved seeing her face light up when she opened it.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

I rode to the liquor store yesterday on my bicycle...

I bought a bottle of Rum and put it in the bicycle basket.

As I was about to leave I thought for a moment. If I fall off the bicycle, the bottle might break.

To avoid that, I drank all of the rum before I left the store.

It turned out to be a very good decision, because I fell off the bike seven times on my way home

πŸ‘πŸΌ

Women are like Hurricanes

They come into your life wild and free and then leave with the PATIO FURNITURE WE BOUGHT TOGETHER SARAH YOU BITCH

πŸ‘πŸΌ

I bought my friend an elephant for their room.

They said thank you. I said don't mention it.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

Whats Saudi Arabia's highest rated sitcom?

How I bought your mother

πŸ‘πŸΌ

An old lady in front of me dropped $20 and I thought, "What would Jesus do?"

So I turned it into wine. I bought wine.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

This is probably the best joke that I -a dad- have ever come up with

I bought my 19 year old daughter a new bed for when she goes off to university. She was undecided about whether she wanted to keep it.

I told her to sleep on it.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

Olympic Condoms. (NSFW)

A man was shopping in a nearby supermarket when he noticed a package that said "Olympic Condoms". He bought it, and told his wife about it.



" - Olympic Condoms? What's so special about them?"



" - They have 3 colors: Gold, Silver and Bronze."



" - And what color are you going to wear tonight?"



" - Gold, obviously!"



" - Why not Silver? It'd be great if you came second, for a change."

πŸ‘πŸΌ

My boyfriend bought me a diamond ring

The stone was cut in the shape of a four leaf clover. I wore it every day.

I got curious and had it valued at a jeweller's. Unfortunately my boyfriend had been swindled, as the diamond was actually a cubic zirconia.

It was a sham rock.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

Guys I just recently bought a 256GB iPhone 7 Plus, my son dropped it and the screen shattered. Anyways I'm doing a giveaway!

The kid is 8 years old, cute, thin and not really tall.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

I bought my son a fridge for Christmas.

I can't wait to see his face light up when he opens it.

^([I stole this from imgur comments, but I am posting it here so that you can use it today and tomorrow on people you dislike. Merry Christmas.])

πŸ‘πŸΌ

I bought pink cotton but my wife wanted purple

Sorry, wrong thread

πŸ‘πŸΌ

My wife gave me some bad news today

"But," she said, "I bought your favorite soy sauce to help cheer you up."

"Great," I said. "Just Kikkoman when he's down, huh?"

I'm very soy for that pun. I'll just wok away now.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

I bought a pug for my wife.

Despite the bulging eyes, wrinkles and layers of fat, the pug seemed to like her.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

I went to the liquor store on my bicycle and bought a bottle vodka, put it in the basket on the front and then it occurred to me that if I fall or something happens, the bottle might break, so I drank it all right there and it's a good thing I did...

...'cause I fell 7 times on the way home...

πŸ‘πŸΌ

I bought a cheap thesaurus yesterday.

Not only is it terrible, it's terrible.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

Whats similar between a hurricane and women?

They come in hot and wet and leave with **THE LAWN CHAIRS WE BOUGHT TOGETHER SARA YOU BITCH!**

πŸ‘πŸΌ

Bought some shoes from my drug dealer.

idk what he laced them with but I've been tripping all day

πŸ‘πŸΌ

What are the most funny Bought jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Bought? Well, here are the best Bought dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Bought pick up lines to share with friends.

Joko Jokes