bottom Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious bottom puns

A man filed a report to the police that his bag was stolen.

Upon leaving the man's apartment, the officer found the man's bag at the bottom of the stairwell.

It was a brief case.

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A man notices his wife's butt is getting big...

I bet your butt is as big as my grill.

His wife rolls her eyes, but he gets a tape measure, measures her bottom, measures the grill, and teases her that they're about the same size.

That night, he tries to see if he can get lucky. Not tonight, says his wife.

He asks her why not, to which she responds, Do you really think I'm going to fire up this big-ass grill for one little weiner?

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If I spank Dwayne Johnson...

does that mean I hit Rock bottom?

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Comey: He's guilty

Democrats: He's guilty

Trump: I'm guilty

Republicans: We may never get to the bottom of this

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I slapped Dwayne Johnson's ass

I guess I've hit Rock Bottom.

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Over the past year, my sexual fetishes have been slowly getting more perverse.

But it wasn't until I spanked a statue that I realised I'd hit rock bottom.

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My wife bites her lip to look sexy

I just don't have the heart to tell her you're meant to bite the bottom lip.

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A girl was about to jump off a cliff...

A girl was about to jump off a cliff to end her life. Just as she was about to leap to her death, a homeless man approached from behind and shouted to ask her a question,
"Excuse me miss! Before you jump would you like to have sex with me?"
The woman replied angrily, "No I most certainly would not! How dare you try and take advantage of me in a situation like this!"
The homeless responded, "Very well then, I'll just wait for you to get to the bottom."

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How did Harry Potter make it to the bottom of the hill?

By walking... jk rolling

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TIL it's possible to jump without a parachute from the top of the Grand Canyon all the way to the bottom.

But not twice.

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I bought myself a new deodorant stick this morning.

The instructions say " remove cap and push up bottom ".

I can't walk very well at the moment, but every time I fart, the room smells incredible.

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My sexual desires have been getting out of control...

But it wasn't until I spanked a statue that I knew I'd hit rock bottom.

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I purchased a deodorant stick today

Instructions say, Remove cap and push up bottom
I can hardly walk but the room smells lovely when I fart.

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I followed Dwayne Johnson for an hour and when he wasn't looking I slapped his arse. He turned around and punched me in the face.

That's what happens when you hit rock bottom.

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My sexual fetishes

my sexual fetishes have been getting more and more perverse ever so slowly. But it wasn't until I spanked a statue that I realized I had hit rock bottom.

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An old one. What lies on the bottom of the sea and shakes?

A nervous wreck!

I first heard this at xmas 1952 (64 years ago) and it still makes me smile.

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I bought a new stick of deodorant today and the instructions say to remove the top and push up bottom

I can barely walk now but when I fart the room smells lovely

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A Polish man goes to the eye doctor...

A Polish man goes to the eye doctor. The bottom line of the eye chart has the letters:

C Z Y N Q S T A S Z

The Optometrist asks β€žCan you read this?

β€žRead it? , the Pole replies, β€žI know the guy!

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saw my wife lying at the bottom of the stairs I thought to myself,

She was right, I am pushy"

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To most religious people, the holy books are like a software license.

Nobody actually reads it. They just scroll to the bottom and click "I agree"

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I knew that sexual fetishes could get more and more perverse over time, but...

...it wasn't till I spanked a statue that I knew I'd hit rock bottom.

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How do you discipline your pet rock?

You hit rock bottom

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My wife thinks it's seductive to bite her lip.

I haven't the heart to tell her it's supposed to be the bottom one.

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Scottish bloke goes on a skiing holiday to Canada

This Scottish bloke goes on a skiing holiday to Canada. After a hard day on the slopes he retires to a bar at the bottom of the mountain. After about five or six whiskeys, he looks up and notices a stuffed animal with antlers on the wall. He asks the barman, "What the fuck is that?".
The barman says, "It's a Moose." The Scottish chap says, "Fuck me! How big are the cats?"

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Why does the north Korean navy have glass bottom boats?

So they can see their air Force.

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What shakes and sits at the bottom of the ocean?

A nervous wreck.

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One of my favorite Polish jokes

A Polack goes to the eye doctor. The bottom line of the eye chart has the letters:
C Z Y N Q S T A S Z.
The Optometrist asks, "Can you read this?"
"Read it?" the Polack replies, "I know the guy."

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All my CDs are in my ex's car. I'd get them, but I don't want to face her.

Plus I don't have the equipment for diving to the bottom of the river.

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A woman is standing at the edge of a cliff

A woman is standing at the edge of a cliff trying to get the nerve to jump off.
A passing tramp stops and says, "Since you're about to kill yourself, if you don't mind, could we have sex please?"
The woman says, "No, fuck off."
The tramp turns to leave and replies, "Fine, I'll just go and wait at the bottom."

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An Irishman, Russian and the Blonde...

An Irishman, Russian and a Blonde come across a magical slide. They each decide to take a turn. The Irishman goes first, sliding down and shouting "GOLD!", and finding himself in a pile of gold as he reaches the bottom. The Russian amazed slides down screaming "VODKA!", and lands into bottles of vodka at the bottom. The Blonde takes her turn, and without hesitation shouts "WEEEE!" as she slides down.

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a Homeless guy saw a pretty woman standing on the railing of a bridge determined to kill herself...

immediately he saw his chance, he walked up to her and asked, "Lady, before you end your life, would you consider doing me a favor and have sex with me?" Disgusted and crying the woman replied, "No, of course not you pervert!" the homeless guy said, "Fine, I'll wait at the bottom."

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A sloth named Herman is walking through the forest one day.

A gang of snails approach him and beat him up. Herman is left at the bottom of a tree with several cuts and bruises. Several hours later he gathers up enough strength to go to a local police station. Herman walks into the Sergeant's office.

"What happened to you? the officer asks.
"A gang of snails beat me up," Herman replied.
"Can you describe what they looked like?"

"I don't know," the sloth says. "It all happened so fast."

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Why is Europe like a frying pan??

They both have Greece at the bottom!!

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The Cliff

A seriously depressed woman stands at the edge of a cliff, trying to get the nerve up to jump.

A passing hobo stops and says, "since you're about to kill yourself anyway, would you mind if we had sex first?"

The woman said "Hell no...get away from me!"

The bum turned to leave and muttered "Fine, I'll just go wait at the bottom."

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Why is the bottom of the ocean so dark?

Black people can't swim.

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What are the most funny Bottom jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Bottom? Well, here are the best Bottom dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Bottom pick up lines to share with friends.

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