Bottom Jokes
181 bottom jokes and hilarious bottom puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about bottom that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
This article looks at the many meanings of "bottom" and the funny jokes that use the word. Explore the various expressions of "bottom"--from "bottom lip" and "bottom up economy," to "rock bottom" and "lowest of the low"--and discover how these terms can be used in hilarious jokes and puns that draw laughs from all. Uncover the art of crafting witty quips about the bottom of the stack, the bottomless pit, and even bottom feeders.
Quick Jump To
Funniest Bottom Short Jokes
Short bottom jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The bottom humour may include short side jokes also.
- A man filed a report to the police that his bag was stolen. Upon leaving the man's apartment, the officer found the man's bag at the bottom of the stairwell.
It was a brief case. - Looks like NFT prices have hit rock bottom. Get your monkey for nothin' and your chimps for free.
I want my, I want my, I want my NFT. - Comey: He's guilty Democrats: He's guilty
Trump: I'm guilty
Republicans: We may never get to the bottom of this - TIL it's possible to jump without a parachute from the top of the Grand Canyon all the way to the bottom. But not twice.
- An old one. What lies on the bottom of the sea and shakes? A nervous wreck!
I first heard this at xmas 1952 (64 years ago) and it still makes me smile. - Why does the new Russian Navy have glass bottom boats? So they can see the old Russian navy.
- saw my wife lying at the bottom of the stairs I thought to myself, She was right, I am pushy"
- To most religious people, the holy books are like a software license. Nobody actually reads it. They just scroll to the bottom and click "I agree"
- My wife thinks it's seductive to bite her lip. I haven't the heart to tell her it's supposed to be the bottom one.
- All my CDs are in my ex's car. I'd get them, but I don't want to face her. Plus I don't have the equipment for diving to the bottom of the river.
Share These Bottom Jokes With Friends
Bottom One Liners
Which bottom one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with bottom? I can suggest the ones about upper and base.
- How did harry potter make it to the bottom of the hill? By walking... jk rolling
- How do you discipline your pet rock? You hit rock bottom
- Why does the north Korean navy have glass bottom boats? So they can see their air Force.
- What shakes and sits at the bottom of the ocean? A nervous wreck.
- Why is Europe like a frying pan?? They both have Greece at the bottom!!
- Why is the bottom of the ocean so dark? Black people can't swim.
- I fell off of a 20 foot ladder today at work. Thankfully I was on the bottom step.
- What is at the bottom of the Bermuda triangle? A wreck tangle
- What has bottom on the top? Legs.
- What lies at the bottom of the sea and twitches? A nervous wreck.
- What do you call a group of accordions at the bottom of the ocean? A good start.
- This is top secret... This is bottom secret...
- What lies on the bottom of the ocean and sweats? A nervous wreck...
- I had a SCAB but I picked the bottom right hand corner of it... No I have a SCAR.
- what kind of music sinks to the bottom of the ocean Heavy rock
Bottom And Top Jokes
Here is a list of funny bottom and top jokes and even better bottom and top puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Bought a deodrant stick today... It said 'remove top and push up bottom'
I can hardly walk but my farts smell lovely. - Don't tell anyone this This is Top Secret
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
This is Bottom Secret (Don't tell anyone this either) - Why did the top bun and bottom bun of the Big Mac get in a fight? There was bad beef between them
- Breaking News: Local man hit his wife with a power cell which had its top and bottom coated in electrolytes He has been arrested for a salt-end battery.
- I'll never forget my Grandfather's last words to me... "no the top one is your iphone charger, the bottom one is my life support." or something like that.
- I graduated top of my class at gay conversion therapy Everyone else wanted to be bottoms
- Whats fat on the bottom, skinny on the top, and has ears? Mountains!
...what? You've never head of mountaineers? - Women tell each other they have "cute tops" all the time. But I tell one woman she has a cute bottom...
- What's Asian on top and black on bottom? IQ distribution graph
- Why does mitt romney never win at Jenga? Because he takes too much from the bottom and middle and gives it to the top.
Rock Bottom Jokes
Here is a list of funny rock bottom jokes and even better rock bottom puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- At least people that have hit rock bottom are disciplining their pet rocks This joke brought to you by my ten year old son
- Me: Hits rock bottom "welp, it cant get any worse" Rock bottoms older brother: Is this the guy that hit you
Me: oh no - My joke of the day Did you hear of the quarry that went out of buiness?
It hit rock bottom. - I must be a geologist I keep finding a new rock bottom.
- If you give Dwayne Johnson a spanking... It means you've just hit Rock bottom.
- What's the difference between where you pour dirty water and The Rock? One's the the bottom of a sink and the other's a Dwayne.
- I thought life couldn't get any worse after I hit rock bottom Until rock bottom's dad turned up and started hitting me back…
- How do you punish a pet rock You hit rock bottom
- I really like rock puns. They're something we shouldn't take for granite. I mean, they are pretty solid.
Let's just face it, geology rocks!
PS: I just hit rock bottom, didn't I? - The Marvel character Korg is canonically gay. I'd guess you'd say the other gladiators are hitting rock bottom.
Bottom Ocean Jokes
Here is a list of funny bottom ocean jokes and even better bottom ocean puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- One of my dad's favorites about flying "You know there are more planes at the bottom of the ocean than submarines in the sky. They have never left one up there."
- What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches? A nervous wreck.
(I'll see myself out.) - What lies at the bottom of the ocean and quivers? A nervous wreck!!
- Fun WWI fact: There are more crashed planes down at the bottom of the ocean than- -crashed submarines in the sky.
- What do you call four Mexicans at the bottom of the ocean? Quatro Sinko
- Why was the fish at the bottom of the ocean? Because he dropped out of school.
- What do you call a dog that's blasting out music at the bottom of the ocean? A subwoofer.
(You can credit/discredit my son for coming up with this) - What do you call a thousand Australian lawyers at the bottom of the ocean? The Great Barrister reef.
- What do you call a computer on the bottom of the ocean? A Dell rolling in the deep.
- What sits at the bottom of the ocean and twitches? A drowning epileptic.
Bottom Feeder Jokes
Here is a list of funny bottom feeder jokes and even better bottom feeder puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- (A real joke from my elementary-aged kid) Dad, did you know catfish can eat through their butts? Me: Really?
Kid: Yeah, they're bottom feeders. - What did the whale say to the barnacle? I used to think you were just a bottom feeder but now you're starting to grow on me.
- I kinda get bottom feeders now. The saltiest, filthiest, nastiest comments at the bottom of the comments section are always the best.
- What is the difference between a catfish and a woman? One is a soulless bottom feeder and the other is a fish
- What are perverted fish called? Bottom feeders.
- What's the difference between a lawyer and a catfish? One's a s**...-s**... bottom-feeder, and the other's a fish.
- What's the difference between an eel and a lawyer? One's an ugly, slimy, scaly, cold blooded parasitic s**...-s**... bottom-feeder,
and the other is a fish that's shaped like a snake. - What's the difference between a catfish and a lawyer? One's a slimy, s**...-s**... bottom feeder, and the other is delicious dipped in batter and deep-fried.
*-Hannibal Lecter*
Bottom Lip Jokes
Here is a list of funny bottom lip jokes and even better bottom lip puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- My wife bites her lip to look s**... I just don't have the heart to tell her you're meant to bite the bottom lip.
- My wife tried to be s**... by biting her lips at me... ...I didn't have the heart to tell her that you're supposed to bite your *bottom* lips
- My girlfriend started biting her lip to look s**...... How do I tell her it's supposed to be the bottom lip?
- My SO thinks it's s**... to bite her lip... I haven't got the heart to tell her it should be the bottom one....
- My wife keeps trying to be s**... by biting her lip I don't have the heart to tell her it's the bottom one
Uproarious Bottom Jokes to Have a Laugh Out Loud Good Time
What funny jokes about bottom you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean corner jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make bottom pranks.
Life keeps getting worse. Last night a thief stole the bottom left key off my laptop.
It feels like I'm losing control.
What's white on top and black on bottom?
Society.
Whats black on top and white on bottom?
r**....
Mental Hospital
Jim and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital. One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Jim suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there. Edna promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled Jim out. When the hospital director became aware of Edna's heroic act she immediately ordered that Edna be discharged from the hospital because she now considered Edna to be mentally stable.
The director went to Edna and said, "I have some good news and some bad news. The good news is that you're being discharged because you responded so rationally to a crisis by jumping in the pool to save the life of another patient. Your action displays sound mindedness. The bad news is that Jim, the patient you saved, hung himself in the bathroom with his bathrobe belt right after you saved him. I am so sorry, but he's dead."
Edna replied, "He didn't hang himself. I put him there to dry. How soon can I go home?"
A very thirsty man was wandering the desert ...
... when suddenly he spotted a well. With the last of his strength, he neared himself, and started pulling the bucket upwards.
*Water! Water!* he shouted in anticipation
When suddenly, from the bottom of the well, a voice exclaimed
*Where?! Where?!*
Why did the toilet paper roll down the hill?
To reach the bottom.
As told by my 5 y/o cousin.
A sloth named Herman is walking through the forest one day.
A gang of snails approach him and beat him up. Herman is left at the bottom of a tree with several cuts and bruises. Several hours later he gathers up enough strength to go to a local police station. Herman walks into the Sergeant's office.
"What happened to you? the officer asks.
"A gang of snails beat me up," Herman replied.
"Can you describe what they looked like?"
"I don't know," the sloth says. "It all happened so fast."
Why does the new French navy have glass bottom ships?
So they can see the old French navy.
A girl was about to jump off a cliff...
A girl was about to jump off a cliff to end her life. Just as she was about to leap to her death, a homeless man approached from behind and shouted to ask her a question,
"Excuse me miss! Before you jump would you like to have s**... with me?"
The woman replied angrily, "No I most certainly would not! How dare you try and take advantage of me in a situation like this!"
The homeless responded, "Very well then, I'll just wait for you to get to the bottom."
A homeless man walks by a bar...
He sees a man sitting in front of a steaming bowl of chili. And the homeless man is so hungry he walks inside the bar and tells the man he's very hungry. The man at the bar just shoves the chili over to the homeless man and nods. The homeless man is surprised but starts eating right away, as he gets to the bottom of the bowl he sees a dead mouse. The homeless man throws up the chili back in the bowl. The man at the bar says "I did the same thing ten minutes ago".
What do you find at the bottom of the lake?
Bassturds.
3 old ladies go to a baseball game with a bottle of liquor. They finish the bottle...what inning is it and what are the circumstances on the field?
Bottom of the fifth and all the bags are loaded.
Patriotism
A nurse was taking care of a soldier in the Army Hospital.
"How I wish I could kiss the American flag before I die," the soldier said.
The nurse was extremely touched by the soldier's patriotism and said, "I have a tattoo of the American flag on my bottom. You may kiss it if you don't mind."
"Of course I wouldn't mind. Thank you for fulfilling my last wish," the soldier said.
The nurse took off her p**... and the dying soldier kissed the flag.
"Thank you, nurse," he said "Now would you be so kind as to turn around so that I could kiss Bush too?"
Hard Times
A pirate was standing on the crow's nest and then he slipped and fell. He fell through the first floor, then he fell through the second floor, then he fell through the third floor and hit the bottom floor of the ship!
The first mate comes up to him and asks "Are ye all right matey?"
The pirate replies, "Arrr, yes... I've been through hardship before!"
A q**...!
A man goes into a restaurant and is seated. All the waitresses are gorgeous.
A particularly voluptuous waitress wearing a very short skirt and legs that won't quit came to his table and asked if he was ready to order, "What would you like, sir?"
He looks at the menu and then scans her beautiful frame top to bottom, then answers, "A q**...."
The waitress turns and walks away in disgust. After she regains her composure she returns and asks again, "What would you like, sir?"
Again the man thoroughly checks her out and again answers, "A q**..., please."
This time her anger takes over, she reaches over and slaps him across the face with a resounding "s**...!" and storms away.
A man sitting at the next table leans over and whispers, "Um, I think it's pronounced 'Quiche'."
A cop parks at the bottom of a bridge, waiting for a speeder. He pulls a man over for doing 40 over the speed limit, and says, "Son, I've been waiting for you all day."
The man quickly responds, "Well, I got here as fast as I could!"
An Irishman, Russian and the Blonde...
An Irishman, Russian and a Blonde come across a magical slide. They each decide to take a turn. The Irishman goes first, sliding down and shouting "GOLD!", and finding himself in a pile of gold as he reaches the bottom. The Russian amazed slides down screaming "v**...!", and lands into bottles of v**... at the bottom. The Blonde takes her turn, and without hesitation shouts "WEEEE!" as she slides down.
Job Interview
A games programmer is at a job interview at Electronic Arts.
As the interview comes to an end, the interviewer glances down at the programmer's résumé and sees "please turn over" written at the bottom.
He turns the résumé over, but finds that the other side is blank.
The interviewer asks, "Where's the rest of your résumé?"
The programmer replies, "Oh, that's downloadable content; it costs an extra ten dollars!"
Over the past year, my s**... fetishes have been slowly getting more perverse.
But it wasn't until I spanked a statue that I realised I'd hit rock bottom.
There are three moles at the bottom of their mole hole
The first mole, daddy mole, wakes up, climbs to the top, sticks his nose out and says, "Mmmmm...I smell bacon!"
Mommy mole wakes up. She climbs to the top, sticks her nose out and says, "Mmmmm....I smell pancakes!"
Baby mole wakes up. He climbs up, but gets stuck behind his mom and dad. He takes a big whiff and says, "All I can smell is molasses!"
Why did the elephant paint the bottom of its feet yellow?
So it could hide in a bowl of custard.
Have you ever seen an elephant in a bowl of custard? No?
That means it's working, the crafty b**....
My dad's go to joke...
So there's a blonde, a brunette, and a red head who are all pregnant. A man walks up to the brunette and asks what gender she is having. She replies saying "well I was on top so I'm having a boy!' He then asks the red head what gender her baby is and she replies "well I was on the bottom so I'm having a girl!' He then asks the blonde what she is having and she says 'Oh my god! I must be having puppies!'
I knew that s**... fetishes could get more and more perverse over time, but...
...it wasn't till I spanked a statue that I knew I'd hit rock bottom.
A man is standing on the top of a tall building about to commit s**......
...when a physicist at the bottom shouts up, "Don't do it! You have so much potential!"
A lady is about to jump from the roof of her building....
As she readies herself a homeless man wonders over "Before you jump, would you do me a favour and have s**... with me?"
Disgusted, the woman tells him to go away. As he leaves he looks back "Fine, I will just wait for you at the bottom."
The woman and her chili.
A man walks into a bar and notices a woman sitting at a table. In front of her on the table is a full bowl of chili. Since the man is very hungry, he asks her if he can have her chili. She agrees, giving him the bowl. The man starts to quickly put spoonfuls into his mouth. As he gets to the end of the chili, he sees a dead rat at the bottom. This causes him to v**... back into the bowl.
In response, the woman said: "Yep, that's about as far as I got too."
Hey, are you the bottom of my laptop?
Because you're really hot and it's making me nervous.
In a crime scene....
"So, Rookie, What do you make of all this?"
"Well, the vic was found n**... in bed, severely beaten to death. Sounds like a clear cut m**... case if you ask me"
"close. Our prime suspect is his wife, a morbidly obese woman who says he asked to be on the bottom during s**..."
"So it was a s**... then...."
A blonde, brunette, and redhead go to the doctor...
A blonde, brunette, and redhead go to the doctor and find out that they are pregnant so they want to find out the s**... of the baby. The brunette says, well I was on the bottom so I'm having a boy. The redhead says I was on top so I'm having a girl.
The Blonde starts crying and says, well I guess I'm having puppies?!
My s**... desires have been getting out of control...
But it wasn't until I spanked a statue that I knew I'd hit rock bottom.
A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead, all pregnant, are in the waiting room for the OB/GYN....
The brunette says "I was on top, so I'm gonna have a boy."
The redhead says "I was on the bottom, so I'm gonna have a girl."
The blonde bursts into tears and says, "I'm gonna have puppies!"
A Polish man goes to the eye doctor...
A Polish man goes to the eye doctor. The bottom line of the eye chart has the letters:
C Z Y N Q S T A S Z
The Optometrist asks „Can you read this?
„Read it? , the Pole replies, „I know the guy!
To bring a girl home,I just whisper in her ear "You know,if i get excited,It can touch the bottom of the Pringles Can"
I can see her eyes light up with excitement and thank the Pringles company for introducing the new Snack size cans.....
My daughter came sprinting in to the house yesterday shouting 'daddy, daddy, I just saw two fairies at the bottom of the garden!'
Humouring her I asked 'That's amazing darling, what were they doing?'
She replied 'Sucking each other's c**...'
Did you know condoms have a serial number at the very bottom of the ring?
I guess you never had to roll it down that far.
If SpongeBob is absorbent and lives in bikini bottom
then I'm pretty sure that makes him a t**...
Why does the Italian Navy have glass bottom boats?
To see the old Italian Navy
When I was a kid, I found a bottle of v**... someone had left at the treehouse at the playground. So I took it to the police station.
The police told me not to worry. They would get to the bottom of it.
Why does the ocean roar?
You would too if you had c**... on your bottom.
My dad says this all the time about woman with large butts.
She's got an hourglass figure, with all 60 minutes at the bottom.
If I s**... Dwayne Johnson...
does that mean I hit Rock bottom?
Satan's first day on the job
Human: "So i get anything I want?"
Satan: "Absolutely."
Human: "You say all you want is my shoe?"
Satan: "Just the bottom part, but yes."
Blonde Joke
Three pregnant women were having brunch together, discussing pregnancy matter, and the subject of the baby's gender came up.
Brunette: My baby's going to be a boy because when my husband and I conceived, I was on top.
Redhead: My baby is going to be a girl because I was on the bottom.
Blonde (bursting into tears): "My baby's going to be a puppy."
A distressed but attractive woman
A distressed but attractive woman stands at the top of a cliff trying to get together the nerve to jump.
A passing hobo stops and asks "since you're about to kill yourself anyway, do you mind if we have s**... first?"
The woman replies, "Get away from me you sicko"
As the hobo turns and walks away he mutters "fine, I'll just go wait at the bottom then"
I bought myself a new deodorant stick this morning.
The instructions say " remove cap and push up bottom ".
I can't walk very well at the moment, but every time I f**..., the room smells incredible.
What's the difference between Madeleine Mccann and a submarine?
Nothing, now. They're both at the bottom of the ocean, full of s**....
I bought a new deodorant yesterday.
The instructions say "Remove cap and push up bottom." Wouldn't it be better to put it under your arms?
What do you call a watering can with a hole at the bottom?
A watering cannot.
Three bottoms are sitting at a bar.
The first says, I'm so loose my boyfriend can fit his whole hand inside me.
The second says that's nothing. My boyfriend can fit his whole arm inside me!
The third laughs, and the bar stool disappears.
Two hunters are walking through a wooded farmland...
when they come across a giant hole they can't seem to find the bottom of. They wanna know how deep it is, so they see a rusted anvil close by, drag it over, and throw it down the hole. Seconds pass, and they never hear it hit the bottom.
A few seconds later, a goat comes sprinting by, and jumps right into the hole. The farmer comes walking by and asks the hunters "fellas, have you guys seen my goat around here?"
The hunters reply "well he just came running at us 80 mph and jumped down into that hole there!"
The farmer says "well that can't be! He was chained to an anvil!"
Joey moves to a nudist colony
Joey moves into a nudist colony. He receives a letter from his grandmother asking him to send her a current photo of him in his new location. Too embarrassed to let her know that he lives in a nudist colony, he cuts a photo in half and mails it. The next day he discovers that he had accidentally sent the bottom half of the photo.
He is extremely worried but then remembers that his grandmother's eyesight is poor and hopes that she doesn't notice.
A few weeks later, he receives a letter from his grandmother. It reads
Dear Joey
Thank you for the picture. May I suggest that you get a haircut, your hair makes your nose look small.
Love Grandma
a Homeless guy saw a pretty woman standing on the railing of a bridge determined to kill herself...
immediately he saw his chance, he walked up to her and asked, "Lady, before you end your life, would you consider doing me a favor and have s**... with me?" Disgusted and crying the woman replied, "No, of course not you pervert!" the homeless guy said, "Fine, I'll wait at the bottom."
I purchased a deodorant stick today
Instructions say, Remove cap and push up bottom
I can hardly walk but the room smells lovely when I f**....
Three old women sneak some Jack Daniels into a baseball game, taking shots after each half inning. What inning is it now?
It's the bottom of the fifth, and the bags are loaded.
A guy visits his favorite d**...
He puts his money on the bedside table and says I've been bad, mistress. I need to be punished.
She makes him s**... and bend over as she whips his quivering bottom.
Next she makes him crawl into bed and ties him securely to the bedposts.
She runs her whip over his flesh and, as he wriggles in anticipation, the bed posts break and his arms come free.
Don't worry, I can fix this he says, as he runs out to his car. He returns in a few minutes with some tools and gets to work.
In a few minutes the bedposts are fixed.
He looks admiringly at his handiwork and beams.
Good as new, mistress!
She says This sub really loves reposts.
