Playful Bottled Water Jokes to Add Joy and Laughter to Your Group
It's a miracle!
An Irish priest is driving down to New York and gets stopped for speeding in Connecticut.
The state trooper smells alcohol on the priest's breath and then sees an empty wine bottle on the floor of the car. He says, "Sir, have you been drinking?"
"Just water," says the priest.
The trooper says, "Then why do I smell wine?"
The priest looks at the bottle and says,
"Good Lord! He's done it again!"
A man is in the desert..
and he hasn't drink or eat in a few days. Suddenly, this magical fairy appears, but she has no water or food. She gave him all she could. The man finishes the bottle of warm liquid quickly and asks for another bottle. The fairy gives him another bottle and the man finished it quickly. The man asks for a third bottle, but the fairy says,"Sorry, you'll have to wait until next month."
Beer is good.
After the Great Britain Beer Festival, in London, all the brewery presidents decided to go out for a beer.
The guy from Corona sits down and says, "Hey Senor, I would like the world's best beer, a Corona." The bartender dusts off a bottle from the shelf and gives it to him.
The guy from Budweiser says, "I'd like the best beer in the world, give me 'The King Of Beers', a Budweiser." The bartender gives him one.
The guy from Coors says, "I'd like the only beer made with Rocky Mountain spring water, give me a Coors." He gets it.
The guy from Guinness sits down and says, "Give me a Coke." The bartender is a little taken aback, but gives him what he ordered.
The other brewery presidents look over at him and ask "Why aren't you drinking a Guinness?" and the Guinness president replies, "Well, I figured if you guys aren't drinking beer, neither would I."
Headaches
A man and his wife are getting into bed for the night. The man brings a glass of water and a bottle of aspirin to the bedroom and sets it down on his wife's nightstand. She asks him "What's that for?" to which the man replies "That's for your headache." "Headache? I don't have a headache..." The man responds "Well then, looks like we're having s**... tonight!"
Ever wonder about those people who spend $2.00 on those little bottles of Evian water?
Try spelling Evian backwards.
na today be today
*An American, an English man, and a Nigerian were on a ship. Suddenly the Devil appeared and said, Drop anything in the sea, if I find it I will eat u, If I can't, I will be your s**...! The American dropped a pin, the Devil found it and ate him. The English man dropped a coin, the Devil found it and ate him too. The Nigerian opened a bottle of water, poured it in the sea and said, Na today be today, go find am! .
Priest DUI
So a priest is driving along, swerving a bit and gets pulled over, the officer asks him 'have you had anything to drink tonight father' to which the priest replies 'only water' the officer then points out a empty bottle of wine in the passenger seat, the priest then shouts 'Jesus Christ! He's done it again!'
I showed up to run a marathon, but realized that I had forgotten my water bottle. I decided to run anyway...
... I finished in 3^st
I was going to buy my friend a bottle of water for Christmas.
And then I realized, that would be tasteless.
Cop stopped me...
Cop stopped me.
Me: A problem, officer?
Cop: what's that bottle?
Me: it's just water, officer
Cop: but this is wine, sir
Me: praise the lord & his miracles.
My roommate from California was homesick
So I stole his water bottle to make him feel more at home.
You can explore bottled water wine reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean bottled water containers dad jokes. There are also bottled water puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
You know how in restaurants they often ask you if you prefer bottled water or tap water?
In Flint, the waiter asks you, "Regular or Unleaded?"
kids eat free today
Waiter: Can I take your order sir, kids eat free today.
Me: Oh, well in that case i'll just have a glass of water and my son will have the grilled lobster,a 15oz steak and a small bottle of champagne please.
A girl agreed to go on a date with me after I gave her a bottle of tonic water.
I schwepped her off her feet.
A state trooper pulls over a priest
A state trooper pulls over a priest. The state trooper smells alcohol on the priest's breath and then sees an empty wine bottle on the floor of the car. He says, "Sir, have you been drinking?" "Just water," says the priest. The trooper says, "Then why do I smell wine?" The priest looks at the bottle and says, "Good Lord! He's done it again!"
"A man gets pulled over by a cop..."
As soon as the cop walks up to the window he sees a bottle with wine, and the driver says: "Sir, this is just a bottle of water I bought at the gas station a few miles back."
Cop: "Well I'm quite sure that is red wine you have in there"
Driver: "Praise the Lord its a miracle!"
Water.....I have news for you.
The poor bottle water notice he was red, it felt nauseous, it had diarrhea, and it had a sweet taste in its mouth. He went to the clinic to see what was wrong with him. But the doctor had bad news. He said" I'm sorry water, but you have **Kool** aids."
A police officer pulls someone over
The officer asks the man "What's in the bottle sir?"
"It's just water!" replies the man.
"Sir this is clearly alcohol." says the police officer, clearly able to smell the contents of the bottle.
The very obviously drunk man begins to shout "Praise the Lord and his miracles!"
I once met a homeless man
... And we had a small conversation. He said: "Every time there's a public marathon, I participate."
I replied: "Wow. You seem like a very active and sportive man despite being homeless."
He instantly said: "Nah, I just walk the whole race to get free water bottles."
A priest and a minister were golfing...
...when the minister swung and hit a rabbit with his shot. They both went up to the rabbit and saw that it was dead. Then the priest takes a small bottle out of his pocket and pours the contents onto the rabbit. Immediately the rabbit wakes up and hops away.
The minister says "Wow, I've never seen holy water do that!"
And the priest says, "That wasn't holy water... it was hare restorer."
Credit to my priest told this joke this morning.
My best joke.
During the second world war there was a camp leader who out of the kindness of his heart rescued 160 Jewish people and provided them with warmth, shelter, bottles of water and loaves and loaves of bread. You think this was a kind gesture? You should of seen h**...; he made 6 million Jews toast!
My friend held a bottle of water above his head, started counting and breathing heavily
I asked him what he was doing and he said "practising breathing underwater"
A priest is pulled over for speeding...
Smelling alcohol on the priest breath and noticing a wine bottle in the passenger seat of the car, the highway patrolman asks, "father, have you been drinking?"
"just water," the priest replies.
"Then why do I smell wine on your breath?" quipped the patrolman.
The priest looks down at the bottle and exclaims, "good Lord he's done it again".
Edited for u/littlekiing
A young tourist was attempting to sneak a quart of tequila...
...back from Mexico when the border guard stopped him and asked what was in the bottle.
"Holy water from the shrine of the v**... Mary" replied the man.
The border guard opened the bottle, took a sip exclaimed , "This is tequila"
"My heavens!" Gasped the man. "Another miracle!"
An Irish priest is driving along a country road when a police man pulls him over.
He immediately smells alcohol on the priest's breath and notices an empty wine bottle in the car.
He says: "Have you been drinking?"
"Just water," says the priest.
The cop replies: "Then why do I smell wine?"
The priest looks at the bottle and says: "Good Lord! He's done it again!"
A weasel walks into a bar...
...and asks for a bottle of water.
The clerk at the counter says, "We don't have water. Would you like anything else?"
The weasel looks around, and spots the nearest case of drinks.
"I'll have a pop," goes the weasel.
He asked for a bottle of still water.
I handed him sparkling.
He said 'I asked for still water - this is sparkling.'
'Yeah - but it's still water.'
A blonde, a redhead, and a brunette are driving through the desert.
The car breaks down, and they've got no cell reception, so they have to walk to get help. The brunette says "I'll grab the bottled water in case we get thirsty." The redhead says, "I'll grab the snacks in case we get hungry."
The blonde rips the drivers side door off its hinges. "I'll take this door, so if we get hot, I can roll the window down."
This idiot on the treadmill at the gym.
Just put a water bottle in the Pringles holder.
The Baptised beer
A drunkard was baptized and dipped in water 3 times.
After the third dip, the Priest said: "You are now baptized, you are a new creation. The old one is gone, no more drinking of alcohol for you. Your new name is Gomes."
Gomes went back home and headed straight for the fridge. He took a Beer bottle, dipped it in water 3 times and said: "You are now baptized, you are a new creation. The old one is gone. Your new name is Green Tea!"
Three people had their car break down in the middle of the desert...
They each decided to carry something useful from their car and walk until they found civilization. The first person said I will carry these sandwiches, so if we get hungry we can eat them. The second person said I will take these water bottles, so if we get thirsty we have something to drink. The third person said I will take the car door, so if we get hot we can roll down the window.
What does a water bottle identify as?
Gender fluid.
Where did Jesus hide his alcoholism?
In his water bottle
A husband's new wife really wants...
A husband's new wife really wants to go on a cruise for their honeymoon. The husband agrees, even though he tends to get horribly seasick on the water.
So the day before the wedding, he goes to a drugstore. He gets a jumbo pack of condoms, and the largest bottle of dramamine in the store.
At the checkout counter, the cashier looks at his condoms and dramamine and asks, If it makes you so sick, why do you do it?
How do you make a baby float?
A bottle of soda, a cup of water, and two scoops of baby.
A priest was driving down the road one day when got stopped by a cop.
The cop smelled alcohol on the priest's breath and saw an empty wine bottle on the floor of the car.
He said to the priest, "Father, have you been drinking?"
The priest replied, "Only water, officer."
The cop then asked him, "Then why can I smell wine?"
The priest looked at the bottle and said, "Good Lord! He's done it again."
How do you get 11 million followers
Run thorugh africa holding a bottle of water
How do you get 11 million followers?
Walk with a bottle of water in Africa.
Have you ever wondered about those people who pay a fortune for those little bottles of Evian water?
Try spelling Evian backwards!
This woman agreed to go out with me after I bought her a bottle of tonic water.......
I guess I just Schwepped her off her feet.
What do you get when you poke at a bottle of water?
Tap water
I'm so sorry for how s**... this is, but I felt like I had to share this with someone after I thought of it.
A priest is driving along a country road when he is pulled over by a copper..
Have you been drinking? He asks.
Just water replied the priest.
The cop says So why do I smell wine?
The priest looks over at the bottle and says good lord, he's done it again
An empty water bottle walks into a bar...
The bartender says, Go home. You're drunk.
It's funny how 8 glasses of water seems like a lot
But 8 beers, two shots and a bottle of wine go down like a fat kid on a see-saw.
Every wonder why Republicans use two hands when they're drinking out of a water bottle?
It's to prevent it from trickling down.
What do you call it when you drink 5 bottles of water?
u**... trouble!
An Irish priest was driving one night
when he gets pulled over by a police officer. Smelling alcohol, the officer walks up to the priest and asks, "have you been drinking tonight?" Holding a bottle of wine the priest answers, "no officer, just water." "So what's that in your hand", asks the officer. "Good Lord, he's done it again!" , exclaims the priest.
How do you get 1 billion followers instantly?
You run through Africa with a bottle of clean water.
One day, a fourteen-year-old weasel went down to the local pub.
The bartender took one look at him and says, You are under-aged. I can't serve you beer. The weasel asks, What can I have? The bartender replies, I have bottled water, juice, energy drinks, and pop. Pop! goes the weasel.
What does shampoo and ketchup have in common?
My dad waters both down when we get to the end of the bottle.
What is an Airbending master's favorite brand of bottled water?
Arrowhead
A cop sees a car swerving around as it goes down the road and pulls it over.
At the wheel, he finds a priest. So the cop shines a light in the car and asks him, have you been drinking, father?
The priest says, Just water.
The cop moved his flashlight to the passenger seat and saw an empty bottle of wine. The priest looks at it and cries out, Good Lord, He's done it again!
A police officer arrested a bottle of water because it was wanted in three different states
Solid, liquid and gas
I just saw some idiot at the gym.
He put a water bottle in the Pringles holder on the treadmill.
A priest is driving down to New York and gets stopped for speeding in Connecticut
The state trooper smells alcohol on the priest's breath and then sees an empty wine bottle on the floor of the car.He says, "Sir, have you been drinking?""Just water," says the priest. The trooper says, "Then why do I smell wine?"The priest looks at the bottle and says, "Good Lord! He's done it again
Dalai Lama joke
The Dalai Lama gets a job in convenience store.
A customer buys 3 bottles of water and gives him a $100 bill.
Dalai Lama: Thank you come back again.
Customer: Wait, where's my change?
Dalai Lama: Son, change comes from within.
Bird Joke
A bottle of water can't quench the thirst of a bird but Tou-can
What is more difficult than getting an assault rifle in the U.S.?
Getting a water bottle in a Georgia voting line
Gary and Pete, 2 alcoholics, were lost at sea.
While floating in their small boat, they spotted a bottle on the water.
Gary quickly grabbed the bottle and took out the cork.
To his shock, a genie flew out.
"You have freed me. You may have a wish."
Gary thought hard and pointed at the sea.
"Turn all this water into Guiness."
There was a flash and the genie was gone, leaving a frothy sea of Guinness.
"why would you do that?!" complained Pete.
"What, you don't want beer?" asked Gary.
Pete shook his head and sighed.
"Now we'll have to p**... in the boat."
President Joe Biden announced that he would give a free bottle of Bud Light to anyone who got a vaccine.
Not to be outdone, the next day, the President Obrador of Mexico announced that he would give a bottle of Corona to anyone who got a vaccine.
The day after, the President Higgins of Ireland announced that he'd be giving out free bottles of water.
Biden and Obrador were confused and gave the Irish President a Zoom call. "We kinda expected you to give out free Guiness, being from Ireland and all"
The Irish President replied: "Well, if you guys aren't giving out beer, then neither am I."
If you are buying smart water for $5 a bottle...
It isn't working.
A cop pulls over a car swerving all over the road
After the cop tells the driver why he stopped him and asks for his license and registration, he notices an open, half-empty bottle sitting on the floor.
Cop: Sir, what is that bottle between your feet?
Driver (burping): Uh, it's a bottle of water officer.
Cop: I can see from here that it's a bottle of red wine.
Driver (shocked): Oh my god, it is? Praise Jesus and his miracles!
My mother in law got pulled over
Cop asked:whats in the bottle?
She says :water
He says: it looks like wine!
She's: Praise the lord, Jesus did it again!
A Rabbi, a priest, and a preacher are out in a boat one day.
The rabbi tells the two he's hungry, so he steps out of the boat and walks across the water to land, where he claims his snack.
Shortly later the priest decides he's thirsty, so like the rabbi, steps out the boat and walks across the water to land, getting a bottle of water.
The preacher seeing this decides he could go for a snack and a drink, and tries to do the same as the rabbi and priest. As soon as he exits the boat, he immediately plunged into the water.
On land, the rabbi tells the priest maybe we should've told him where the rocks were
Little Johnny was sitting on the curb
Shaking a bottle of turpentine. The local priest walking by, stopped and asked what he had in the bottle. Johnny said, this is the most powerful liquid in the world, turpentine. The priest said, the most powerful liquid in the world is holy water. A couple drops on a pregnant woman's belly, and she will pass a baby boy . Johnny said, That's nothing! A couple drops of this turpentine on a cat's a**..., it will pass a motorcycle.
How to get 10 million followers instantly
Take a water bottle and run through Africa
How many people can you kill with a single bottle of water?
According to airport security, quite a lot.
Two Irishmen lose their oars
Two Irishmen lose their oars after paddling far out into the ocean. They were lost and had no idea what to do. One of them finds a bottle floating and picks it out of the water only to find a genie pop out. The genie tell them that he will grant them only 1 wish. Without hesitation, one of them shouts I want the ocean water to turn to Guinness!
The genie grants his wish and disappears. The other Irishman was furious with his partners quick decision. He looks at him and screams you m**...! Your haste decision has s**... us! Now we have to p**... in the boat!
My friend really wanted a swimming pool
He's asking us for donations to help achieve his dream.
So I gave him a bottle of water.
Two Irishmen are lost at sea in a life boat
They're gradually dying of thirst, until one day they spot an ancient bottle bobbing past. They grab it out of the water, open it and a genie arises and say's he'll grant them one wish.
Immediately one of them blurts out, "I wish the entire sea were Guinness!" Instantly whole ocean turns black and foamy, pure Guinness.
"Whadda do that for ya feckin' idjit!" Yells his companion, "Now we have to p**... in the boat!"
I just knocked over my water bottle and it spilt everywhere
*no cap*
A priest is on a plane
A stewardess aproaches him and asks:
Stewardess: "Hello father, would you like anything to drink? We have whiskey, cognac and beer."
Priest: "That sounds nice. Actually, what is our altitude at the moment?"
Stewardess: "Our current altitude is about 35,000 feet"
Priest: "Well then i will just take a bottle of water, the boss might see me otherwise"
An Alcoholics Anonymous meeting takes place. The presenter completes a demonstration.
He brings out two glasses, a bottle of whiskey, a bottle of water and an earthworm. He pours one glass with water and the other with whiskey. He then drops the worm into the bottle of water, where it wriggles around for a little while, but is ok.
He then picks it up and drops it into the whiskey, where it struggles and soon dies.
He asks the participants what does this show us?
Bubba Joe stands up at the back of the crowd and exclaims If I drink whiskey I won't get worms!
A man is pulled over for drunk driving
The cop walks up to his window,
Sir, have you been drunk driving?
No sir! Says the man
What's in that bottle? Says the cop
Just water sir! Says the man
The cop says, Hand it to me and let me see
The man hands him the bottle and the cop says sir this is wine
The man says praise the lord and all his miracles!
Power of Christ
Heard this one earlier and thought it was pretty good. I think it's probably a repost so I'm sorry.
A priest was driving along a road a bit rashly while drunk. He's got the bottle in the passenger seat. Eventually, a cop tails him and pulls him over.
Cop: Hey Father, how's it going?
Priest: Pretty good, thank you.
Cop: Have you been drinking anything this evening?
Priest: No, just some water.
Cop (while pointing at the bottle): Oh really? Then why is there wine in there?
The priest opens the bottle, looks inside and exclaims: Good God, he's done it again!
