Bottled Water Jokes
108 bottled water jokes and hilarious bottled water puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about bottled water that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Bottled Water Short Jokes
Short bottled water jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The bottled water humour may include short water bottles jokes also.
- You know how in restaurants they often ask you if you prefer bottled water or tap water? In Flint, the waiter asks you, "Regular or Unleaded?"
- A police officer arrested a bottle of water because it was wanted in three different states Solid, liquid and gas
- I showed up to run a marathon, but realized that I had forgotten my water bottle. I decided to run anyway... ... I finished in 3^st
- He asked for a bottle of still water. I handed him sparkling.
He said 'I asked for still water - this is sparkling.'
'Yeah - but it's still water.' - Ever wonder about those people who spend $2.00 on those little bottles of Evian water? Try spelling Evian backwards.
- What is more difficult than getting an assault rifle in the U.S.? Getting a water bottle in a Georgia voting line
- A girl agreed to go on a date with me after I gave her a bottle of tonic water. I schwepped her off her feet.
- Cop stopped me... Cop stopped me.
Me: A problem, officer?
Cop: what's that bottle?
Me: it's just water, officer
Cop: but this is wine, sir
Me: praise the lord & his miracles. - My mother in law got pulled over Cop asked:whats in the bottle?
She says :water
He says: it looks like wine!
She's: Praise the lord, Jesus did it again! - Every wonder why Republicans use two hands when they're drinking out of a water bottle? It's to prevent it from trickling down.
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Bottled Water One Liners
Which bottled water one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with bottled water? I can suggest the ones about drinking water and carbonated water.
- If you are buying smart water for $5 a bottle... It isn't working.
- An empty water bottle walks into a bar... The bartender says, Go home. You're drunk.
- How do you get 11 million followers? Walk with a bottle of water in Africa.
- Bird Joke A bottle of water can't quench the thirst of a bird but Tou-can
- What is an Airbending master's favorite brand of bottled water? Arrowhead
- What does a water bottle identify as? Gender fluid.
- I just knocked over my water bottle and it spilt everywhere *no cap*
- How do you make a baby float? A bottle of soda, a cup of water, and two scoops of baby.
- Where did Jesus hide his alcoholism? In his water bottle
- Bottled Smart Water Can't be that smart! I mean it got caught.
- My roommate keeps taking my bottle of water out of the refrigerator It's not cool man
- I dropped a bottle of spring water into a pool It turned into a trampoline.
- Why does bottled water cost more than coke? It costs more energy to filter out the coke
- What happens when a bottle of water walks into a bar on a hot day? It gets drunk.
- I like my women how I like my bottled water... ... cold and still.
Playful Bottled Water Jokes to Add Joy and Laughter to Your Group
What funny jokes about bottled water you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean bottles wine jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make bottled water pranks.
A man goes to the doctor and tells him that he hasn’t been feeling well.
The doctor examins him, leaves the room and comes back with three different bottles of pills.
The doctor says, "Take the green pill with a big glass of water when you get up. Take the blue pill with a big glass of water after lunch. Then just before going to bed, take the red pill with another big glass of water."
Startled to be put on so much medicine the man stammers, "Jeez doc, exactly what’s my problem?"
The Doctor says, "You’re not drinking enough water."
What do you get if you cross a bottle of water with an electric eel?
A bit of a shock really.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
If you see me with a water bottle, there's probably v**... in it
A 13 year old weasel walks into a bar...
A 13 year old weasel walks into a bar and approaches the counter. The bartender immediately notices the underage weasel.
"Sir, you look extremely young. I can't serve you even a single beer."
"Oh c'mon. You can't just slide me one?"
"Can't and will not serve to anyone under age."
"Fine. Well what other things do you have?"
"Well for non-alcoholics I have tap water and bottled water, I have coffee, and I have pop. Which would you like?"
"Pop." Goes the weasel.
A guy goes fishing one morning but after a short time runs out of worms.
Just then he sees a cotton-mouth snake in the water with a frog in his mouth. Frogs are good bass bait. Knowing the snake couldn't bite with the frog in his mouth, the guy grabs him right behind the head, takes the frog, and puts the snake in his bait bucket.
Now the dilemma was how to release the snake without getting bit. So, the guy snatches his bottle of Jack Daniels and pours a little whiskey in the snake's mouth. His eyes roll back and he goes limp. The guy releases him into the lake without incident and carries on fishing using the frog.
A little later, he feels nudge on his foot. It was that snake, with two more frogs.
A man is in the desert..
and he hasn't drink or eat in a few days. Suddenly, this magical fairy appears, but she has no water or food. She gave him all she could. The man finishes the bottle of warm liquid quickly and asks for another bottle. The fairy gives him another bottle and the man finished it quickly. The man asks for a third bottle, but the fairy says,"Sorry, you'll have to wait until next month."
Beer is good.
After the Great Britain Beer Festival, in London, all the brewery presidents decided to go out for a beer.
The guy from Corona sits down and says, "Hey Senor, I would like the world's best beer, a Corona." The bartender dusts off a bottle from the shelf and gives it to him.
The guy from Budweiser says, "I'd like the best beer in the world, give me 'The King Of Beers', a Budweiser." The bartender gives him one.
The guy from Coors says, "I'd like the only beer made with Rocky Mountain spring water, give me a Coors." He gets it.
The guy from Guinness sits down and says, "Give me a Coke." The bartender is a little taken aback, but gives him what he ordered.
The other brewery presidents look over at him and ask "Why aren't you drinking a Guinness?" and the Guinness president replies, "Well, I figured if you guys aren't drinking beer, neither would I."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
na today be today
*An American, an English man, and a Nigerian were on a ship. Suddenly the Devil appeared and said, Drop anything in the sea, if I find it I will eat u, If I can't, I will be your s**...! The American dropped a pin, the Devil found it and ate him. The English man dropped a coin, the Devil found it and ate him too. The Nigerian opened a bottle of water, poured it in the sea and said, Na today be today, go find am! .
What do you call a water bottle that objects?
A rebuttle
I was going to buy my friend a bottle of water for Christmas.
And then I realized, that would be tasteless.
A police man pulls over a priest for swerving..
As the officer approaches the window he notices a bottle in a brown bag on the seat.
Officer says, "father, I pulled you over for swerving back there. You haven't been drinking have you?"
"No my son. Why would you ask that?"
"Well I noticed the bottle on the seat next to you."
"Oh my son, that's just holy water."
"OK father. So why is it in a bag?"
"Well my son, that is to protect it from the suns rays."
"Mind if I take a sip?"
"Not at all my son."
As the officer puts the bottle to his lips and takes a drink, he immediately spits it out...
"Father, this is wine."
The preacher, "PRAISE THE LORD. HE'S DONE IT AGAIN!"
What is the water bottle's favorite game to play?
Follow the litre.
My roommate from California was homesick
So I stole his water bottle to make him feel more at home.
What kind of water do ducks drink?
Bottled Waddle.
What do you call a bottle of seltzer that lost all its bubbles?
Water...
A good will gesture . . .
A friendly chap from a local charity asked for a donation towards restoring the community swimming pool today. . . I gave him a bottle of water.
Did you hear about that kid that was hit with a metallic water container?
It lead to serious bottle-ly harm.
What did the Muslim smuggle through Security?
A small water bottle.
I considered creating a new brand of bottled water...
... But I guess that market is quite saturated.
:D
kids eat free today
Waiter: Can I take your order sir, kids eat free today.
Me: Oh, well in that case i'll just have a glass of water and my son will have the grilled lobster,a 15oz steak and a small bottle of champagne please.
What does Fred Flintstone say when he correctly flips a water bottle?
YO BRA DAB I DO!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Water.....I have news for you.
The poor bottle water notice he was red, it felt nauseous, it had diarrhea, and it had a sweet taste in its mouth. He went to the clinic to see what was wrong with him. But the doctor had bad news. He said" I'm sorry water, but you have **Kool** aids."
It wasn't my fault that my water bottle died,
He was vaping
Two Irishman were fishing on a lake...
...when one of them caught a mysterious, ancient-looking bottle. Upon taking the bottle off the line, a genie popped out of it and said, "I really don't have time for this three wishes nonsense. You get one wish between the two of you, so make it good."
The fisherman who caught the bottle immediately blurts out, "I wish every body of water on Earth were made of beer!"
The genie snapped his fingers and said, "Done." and then disappeared.
Then the second fisherman smacked his buddy over the head and yelled, "You idiot! Now we have to pee in the boat!".
A woman has a water bottle filled with wine in her car.
A cop pulls her over
"Dang it Jesus did it again"
I once met a homeless man
... And we had a small conversation. He said: "Every time there's a public marathon, I participate."
I replied: "Wow. You seem like a very active and sportive man despite being homeless."
He instantly said: "Nah, I just walk the whole race to get free water bottles."
A priest and a minister were golfing...
...when the minister swung and hit a rabbit with his shot. They both went up to the rabbit and saw that it was dead. Then the priest takes a small bottle out of his pocket and pours the contents onto the rabbit. Immediately the rabbit wakes up and hops away.
The minister says "Wow, I've never seen holy water do that!"
And the priest says, "That wasn't holy water... it was hare restorer."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My best joke.
During the second world war there was a camp leader who out of the kindness of his heart rescued 160 Jewish people and provided them with warmth, shelter, bottles of water and loaves and loaves of bread. You think this was a kind gesture? You should of seen h**...; he made 6 million Jews toast!
My friend held a bottle of water above his head, started counting and breathing heavily
I asked him what he was doing and he said "practising breathing underwater"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A young tourist was attempting to sneak a quart of tequila...
...back from Mexico when the border guard stopped him and asked what was in the bottle.
"Holy water from the shrine of the v**... Mary" replied the man.
The border guard opened the bottle, took a sip exclaimed , "This is tequila"
"My heavens!" Gasped the man. "Another miracle!"
An Irish priest is driving along a country road when a police man pulls him over.
He immediately smells alcohol on the priest's breath and notices an empty wine bottle in the car.
He says: "Have you been drinking?"
"Just water," says the priest.
The cop replies: "Then why do I smell wine?"
The priest looks at the bottle and says: "Good Lord! He's done it again!"
A blonde, a redhead, and a brunette are driving through the desert.
The car breaks down, and they've got no cell reception, so they have to walk to get help. The brunette says "I'll grab the bottled water in case we get thirsty." The redhead says, "I'll grab the snacks in case we get hungry."
The blonde rips the drivers side door off its hinges. "I'll take this door, so if we get hot, I can roll the window down."
There wasn't a price on the bottle of water, so I took it up to the cash register.
"Could you tell me how much this is?" I asked. She said, "That's 500 millilitres, sir."
What happens when you drop your bottle of water and it breaks?
You give birth.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
In a survival situation, if there is no water, you can drink your own u**.......
... So just in case, I ALWAYS take a bottle of it wherever I go.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I'm trying to lose weight so joined the gym and I see the stupidest people there
All of them use the treadmill and put their water bottle in the Pringle holder
When is water not free?
When it's bottled.
Because then it'd be contained.
A husband's new wife really wants...
A husband's new wife really wants to go on a cruise for their honeymoon. The husband agrees, even though he tends to get horribly seasick on the water.
So the day before the wedding, he goes to a drugstore. He gets a jumbo pack of condoms, and the largest bottle of dramamine in the store.
At the checkout counter, the cashier looks at his condoms and dramamine and asks, If it makes you so sick, why do you do it?
Today i woke to a Sound of screaming of an ape or a gorrilla. So i rushed out to see what's going on?
Turns out it was just a neighborhood kid selling water bottles.
Why were the sodas jealous of the success of the water bottle?
because it was uncanny
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you get when you poke at a bottle of water?
Tap water
I'm so sorry for how s**... this is, but I felt like I had to share this with someone after I thought of it.
Why did Dyslexic Noah dies in the chemistry lab?
He thought that the bottle labels NaOH is his water bottle.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What's the difference between a water bottle and puberty?
A water bottle has already hit Justin Bieber.
How do you get 5,000 followers in a day?
Run through Ethiopia with a bottle of water.
What did the motivational speaker ask the bottle of water?
Do you have what it takes to be a liter?
Why was the empty water bottle acting so crazy?
Because he was drunk!
My 8 year old brother came up with this joke. At least that's what he told me.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How do you t**... a Russian?
give them a v**... bottle full of water
What do you call someone who switches water bottle brands a lot
An h2hoe
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call it when you drink 5 bottles of water?
u**... trouble!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
(Gross) Three vampires go to a cafe
The waiter comes and asks them what would they want to drink. First one: The usual - a cup of blood.
Second one: For me a cup of blood as well.
Third one: For me a bottle of water.
The first and the second one, surprised, ask the third why not blood.
The third: I'll drink a tea. *Brings out a used t**.... *
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Today I took the only water bottle that wasn't frozen to class.
Long story short, which one of my friends left a water bottle full of v**... in my car ?
What does shampoo and ketchup have in common?
My dad waters both down when we get to the end of the bottle.
Give a man a bottle of water and he will drink one day
Put him on the sea and he will drink the rest of his life
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A preacher and a young boy were sitting at a bus stop.
The boy had a bottle of clear liquid and he kept shaking it up, looking at the bubbles. The preacher asked the youngster what he had in the bottle. "Preacher man, this here is the strongest liquid known to mankind, Turpentine!"
The preacher reaching into his vest pocket, "Young man, I beg to differ! This here is holy water! You put some of this on a pregnant woman's belly, she will pass a baby boy!". The boy replied, "Heck preacher, that ain't nothing! You put some of this on a cats a**..., it will pass a motorcycle!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I just saw some idiot at the gym.
He put a water bottle in the Pringles holder on the treadmill.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Gary and Pete, 2 alcoholics, were lost at sea.
While floating in their small boat, they spotted a bottle on the water.
Gary quickly grabbed the bottle and took out the cork.
To his shock, a genie flew out.
"You have freed me. You may have a wish."
Gary thought hard and pointed at the sea.
"Turn all this water into Guiness."
There was a flash and the genie was gone, leaving a frothy sea of Guinness.
"why would you do that?!" complained Pete.
"What, you don't want beer?" asked Gary.
Pete shook his head and sighed.
"Now we'll have to p**... in the boat."
President Joe Biden announced that he would give a free bottle of Bud Light to anyone who got a vaccine.
Not to be outdone, the next day, the President Obrador of Mexico announced that he would give a bottle of Corona to anyone who got a vaccine.
The day after, the President Higgins of Ireland announced that he'd be giving out free bottles of water.
Biden and Obrador were confused and gave the Irish President a Zoom call. "We kinda expected you to give out free Guiness, being from Ireland and all"
The Irish President replied: "Well, if you guys aren't giving out beer, then neither am I."
A Rabbi, a priest, and a preacher are out in a boat one day.
The rabbi tells the two he's hungry, so he steps out of the boat and walks across the water to land, where he claims his snack.
Shortly later the priest decides he's thirsty, so like the rabbi, steps out the boat and walks across the water to land, getting a bottle of water.
The preacher seeing this decides he could go for a snack and a drink, and tries to do the same as the rabbi and priest. As soon as he exits the boat, he immediately plunged into the water.
On land, the rabbi tells the priest maybe we should've told him where the rocks were
