Bottle Shop Jokes
16 bottle shop jokes and hilarious bottle shop puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about bottle shop that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Bottle Shop Short Jokes
Short bottle shop jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The bottle shop humour may include short liquor store jokes also.
- I was doing my online shopping the other day and bought one hundred bottles of tipex. I made a really big mistake!
- What's worse than finding Astroglide on your Mom's shopping list? Finding an empty bottle in the trash.
- I am one bottle of shower gel away from being able to open my own Christmas gift shop in my shower.
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Bottle Shop Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about bottle shop you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean bottle job jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make bottle shop pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A bottle of v**... and a bottle of Coca-cola (Russian Joke)
A man comes to the shop:
- Give me a bottle of v**... and a bottle of Coca-cola.
Half an hour later he comes again:
- Give me a bottle of v**... and a bottle of Coca-cola.
An hour later he comes again:
- Give me a bottle of v**... and a bottle of... of Sprite. It seems Coca-cola makes me sick!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Shopping back then
My pop was telling me about how back in the fifties you could get so much more from the shops.
Het tells me "we used to be able to go into grace brothers with ten dollars and come out with two pairs of socks, some new u**..., a razor or two and a small bottle of aftershave."
But unfortunately as he tells me, "you can't get that much for ten dollars anymore...there's too many security cameras"
A mother to her programmer son...
"Son, go to the shop and buy one milk bottle, also, if there are eggs, buy 12" Says the mother. So the son goes to the shop and returns with twelve bottles of milk. The surprised mother asks:
"Why in the world did you bring 12 bottles!?"
"Because there were Eggs"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A woman is doing some grocery shopping...
She's going to the checkout line and the cashier says:
"Coke... mayo... some corn flakes... a bottle of wine... some chips. Let me guess, you're single right?"
The lady goes "Well... yeah, how do you know?"
The cashier answers, "Because you're ugly"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Its all about the Spirit!
Only 20 people are allowed during a f**... as the spirit has already left the body.
1000 people are allowed in long queues at a liquor shop as the spirit is still in the bottle.
I saw a burglar on the CCTV of my elements shop. He was taking gold, iodine, carbon, uranium, platinum, and three bottles of nitric oxide. I said over the tannoy....
'Au, I C U! NO NO NO!'
I didn't mention the Fifth Element because it was so overpriced and overhyped.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I needed some money...
So I decided to rob a bottle shop with my Lebanese friend. We agreed to meet around the corner of the shop in a dark alley at midnight and go from there.
I waited in that alley, and my colleague arrives with a bit of sweet pastry stuck to his head.
"You m**...!!" I exclaim, "I said Balaclava!"
Blonde Joke
Jake returns home after a long days work, finds the cupboards bare and thinks "that's strange we went shopping this week". He goes to the garbage can to find jars of peanut butter, yogurt, pill bottles, assorted food they've just bought discarded. He asks "Honey why is all the food in the garbage?" he finds her watching TV in the living room she says "Roger is dead", stunned he runs to the backyard to find their pet seal dead. He runs inside shocked and says "wow that's terrible, but why did you throw out all the food?!" she replies "They containers all said DO NOT USE IF SEAL IS BROKEN".
A young woman goes grocery shopping...
She wanders through the store more or less aimlessly, finally arriving at the checkout, where she places her items on the conveyor belt: Ramen noodles, a two-pack of toilet paper, a bottle of cheap wine, some grapes, a frozen pizza and a chocolate bar.
The cashier looks at her items, looks at her, looks back at her items and says, "Let me guess, you're single".
"Yeah, you're right", the woman admits, "but how did you know that?"
"Well...", she responds, "you're ugly"
Something on our Sausages
THIS ACTUALLY HAPPENED TODAY
I had to go to the corner shop to get some bread and ketchup as we ran out yesterday.
I went in got my medium warburtons loaf and the classic bottle of heinz beans and joined the queue.
When I was the second person to the counter the man in front of me put down some condoms
I then proceeded to put the ketchup directly behind the condoms
The man then looked at the condoms and ketchup and turned to look me in the eye
Then (I think it was just instinct) i said 'I see we both have something to put on our sausages
I laughed, he laughed, the cash lady laughed and the three women behind me laughed it was one of the greatest moments of my life!
A woman is opening presents at her birthday party,
and the first present she picks up is from the local florist, Max. She looks at the box and says, "I bet these are flowers" and Max nods his head. Sure enough, inside the box are flowers.
The second present she picks up is from the local candy shop owner, Molly. She looks at the box and said, "I bet this is candy" and Molly nods her head. Sure enough, inside the box is candy.
The third present she picks up is from the local liquor store owner, Joe. She looks at the box, which is leaking. " I bet this is a bottle of liquor" she says.
"Nope" says Joe.
The woman dabs some of the liquid on her finger and tastes it. "Oh, I know what this is, it's champagne!"
"No" says Joe.
The woman, frustrated, puts the box to her mouth and slurps off as much liquid as she can. "I have no idea. What did you get me, Joe?"
"A puppy."
WalMart's own brand of wine
WalMart announced that sometime in 2013 it will begin offering customers a new discount item: WalMart's own brand of wine. The world's largest retail chain is teaming up with Ernest & Julio Gallo Winery of California to produce the wines at affordable prices in the $2 to $5 range.
Wine connoisseurs may not be inclined to put a bottle of the WalMart brand into their shopping carts but, 'There is a market for inexpensive wine,' said Kathy Micken, professor of marketing at University of Arkansas, Bentonville. 'However, branding will be very important.'
Customer surveys were conducted to determine the most attractive name for the WalMart wine brands and varieties.
The top surveyed names in order of popularity were:
10. Chateau Traileur Parc
9. White Trashfindel
8. Big Red Gulp
7. World Championship Riesling
6. NASCARbernet
5. Chef Boyardeaux
4. Peanut Noir
3. I Can't Believe it's not Vinegar
2. Grape Expectations
1. Nasti Spumante
The beauty of Walmart wine is that it can be served with either white meat (Possum) or red meat (Squirrel).
P.S. Don't bother writing back to tell me that this is a hoax. I know possum is not white meat.
It was the kindergarten teachers birthday and the students decided that they would each buy their teacher a gift.
The first student, whose parents own a florist shop, gave her a present.
She held it and said "I guess that it is flowers".
"How did you guess?" asked the little boy.
She laughed and thanked him.
The second student, whose parents own a candy store, gave her a present.
She held it and said, "I guess that is some candy."
"How did you guess?" asked the little boy.
She again laughed and thanked him also.
The third student, whose parents own a bottle shop, gave her a box which was leaking.
The teacher touched the liquid with her finger and tasted it.
"Mmmmm is it wine?" she asked.
"No," said the little girl.
So she tasted it again.
"Is it champagne?" she asked.
"Noooo," replied the little girl, "It's a puppy."