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Bottle Champagne Jokes

32 bottle champagne jokes and hilarious bottle champagne puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about bottle champagne that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Funniest Bottle Champagne Short Jokes

Short bottle champagne jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The bottle champagne humour may include short champagne jokes also.

  1. Two Arabs are on a plane. One orders a bottle of Champagne and asks the other "do you want some?".
    The other replies "No thanks, I'll have to drive soon".
  2. I went to a expensive restaurant last night and I got a meal and a bottle of champagne for free. They do it for everyone who jumps out of the toilet window and runs off.
  3. For Valentine's Day, I bought a bottle of champagne and a box of chocolates... ...and passed out alone on the couch, same as every night.
  4. Your mother ...is so big that when she was born the doctor broke a bottle of champagne over her head.
  5. I was wondering what the metal wire around the cork of the champagne bottle was for. Then it hit me.

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Bottle Champagne One Liners

Which bottle champagne one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with bottle champagne? I can suggest the ones about bottles wine and beer bottle.

  1. How do you get a champagne cork back in the bottle? I don't know, ask a Falcons fan
  2. How to reclose an opened bottle of champagne? I don't know, ask Falcons fans.
  3. What does an orphan and a bottle of champagne have in common? They both lost their pop.
  4. Why is a bottle opened after winning something? Because it's champ-agne.

Cheerful Fun Bottle Champagne Jokes to Brighten Your Day with Humor and Joy

What funny jokes about bottle champagne you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean boxed wine jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make bottle champagne pranks.

An old drunk was at the bar when...

He saw this beautiful woman drinking alone at the corner of the bar alone. So he waved the bartender over and ask the bartender to send a bottle of the most expensive champagne to the woman.
The bartender, "nah, I wouldn't bother with that. She's a lesbian." But the old drunk insisted.
A short while later, the old drunk sauntered over to the woman, "So...which part of Lesbia are you from?"

kids eat free today

Waiter: Can I take your order sir, kids eat free today.
Me: Oh, well in that case i'll just have a glass of water and my son will have the grilled lobster,a 15oz steak and a small bottle of champagne please.

A guy walks into a bar, orders a bottle of champagne and yells "Happy New Year!"

"It's not even close to midnight yet, you idiot," the bartender reprimands him. "Oh, I'm sorry. I suspect I might have a rare medical condition that makes me yell that," the guy apologizes. "I think I suffer from p**... congratulations."

43 days!

A group of blondes walks into a bar with a picture of Elmo. They set the picture on a table and order several bottles of champagne. As the waiter returns with their champagne, the blondes are chanting, " " Intrigued, the waiter asks them what is going on. One of the blondes explains, "The box said 3 to 5 years, but we put together this Elmo puzzle in just 43 days,."

Last mortgage payment!

A guy walks into a bar and orders a bottle of champagne. "Congratulations to me! I just made my last mortgage payment!" the guy announces. "I mean, I still owe $273,000, I just can't pay it any more."

A guy walks into a bar

A guy walks into a bar and orders a bottle of champagne. "What are you celebrating?" the bartender asks. "I just got my first novel published," the guy announces. "It's a thriller about a flock of 2,000 mockingbirds." "What's it called?" "2 kilomockingbirds," the guy replies.

A man and woman in bed

"Give me some", man begs.
"No. You've had too much," wife responds.
"Come on, let me have some," man begs again.
"I'm tired of this. Go ahead, but you know how it always goes", then wife says.
Happily man goes to kitchen, opens refrigerator, grabs a bottle of champagne. He fiddles with the cork and it pops out with a bang.
From the kid's room, an accusing voice comes
"Mom, you shoulda given dad some. See, now he went and shot himself."

A man stumbles across a magic lamp while walking in a forest

Upon rubbing it a genie appears and says that for freeing him he will grant him one wish.
The man thinks for a while and finally says :
" I wish that I peed out don perignon champagne"
The genie albeit confused grants the wish.
The man quickly hurries home and tells it all his wife.
The wife excitedly fetches some champagne glasses.
To which the man says "Oh no honey, tonight you drink from the bottle"

Guy is in the store...

...and and starts putting out items in the checkout..
3 bottles of red wine
3 bottles of white wine
2 bottles of champagne
1 bottle of vermouth
4 bottles of v**...
1 bottle of Hennessy
Finally one can of cat food
...when he suddenly hears a mans voice from behind: "I see.... someone's cat has a birthday!!!"

Civilian: Detective! There's been a robbery at my apartment!

Detective: What did they take?
Civilian: The TV, the music system, all the cash from my locker, the mini fridge, my most expensive bottle of champagne!
Detective: What was the point of entry?
Civilian: I guess they wanted to get rich

An alien enters a bar

An alien enters a bar and shouts the drinks are on me. He shouts out " everybody can drink whatever they want and as much as you want all night long" . So people start ordering bottles of champagne and whisky and beer all night. At the end of the night the drinks are sold out and the bartender says "that was an expensive tab OK that's $133,48,56 you owe me"
The alien then replies " No problem pal BTW have you got change of a zonk?"

How to be Insulting in the Street: Find a bus stop with a waste bin attached to it.

Hide a small bottle of champagne and a leg of chicken in the bottom. Wait for a queue to form at the bus stop, then go and rummage in the gutter, and finally look in the bin. Find the things you've hidden, and devour them in front of the people waiting for the bus.

A man is stranded on a desert island...

... When all of a sudden a beautiful brunette in full scuba gear strides out of the water surrounding the island. She sits down next to the awestruck man and says, "Would you like a cigarette?" The man agrees, and she unzips a pouch on her thigh and pulls out some cigarettes and a lighter.
After they've finished their cigarettes, the brunette says, "Would you like a drink?"
The man agrees, and the woman opens a small bag at her waist, and takes out a small bottle of champagne and two glasses. As they sip their drinks, the brunette leans forward and says, "Would you like to play around?"
The man's eyes widen and he yells, "You've got golf clubs in there as well?"

Hillary Clinton was being driven in a private limo to a rally...

... when suddenly, the car hit a large and old-looking cow.
The driver got out and checked to see if it was dead. After confirming the death, he saw the tag on it that said it belonged to a nearby farm. He told Hillary Clinton that he would be going over to the farm to tell the farmers what happened.
About an hour later, he returned. His clothes were messed up, he was covered in lipstick, he had an expensive cigar in his mouth, and in both hands were two full bottles of the most expensive champagne ever.
"What happened?", Hillary asked.
"When I went to the farm, they eagerly invited me in. Then, the husband gave me this cigar, the wife gave me the wine, and their two daughters gave me the best s**... of my life!", the driver said with a huge smile on his face.
"What did you say to them?", Hillary asked.
"I said, 'I'm Hillary Clinton's driver and I just killed the old cow', and the rest happened so quickly I couldn't do anything!"

Hillary Clinton and her chauffeur are driving on a country road. Suddenly, a pig runs in front of the car.

The chauffeur has no time to react, and runs over it, giving it instant death.
The chauffeur stops the car, gets out and looks around. He spots a small farm-house in the distance. Hillary says to her chauffeur, "You should at least tell them that you've killed the pig"
The chauffeur does as he's told.
A couple of hours later, the chauffeur stumbles out of the farmhouse, covered in lipstick kiss-marks and a bottle of champagne in each hand.
As he stumbles to the passenger side window, Hillary exclaims, "Jesus, what did you tell them?"
"Exactly what you told me boss: Hi I'm Hillary Clinton's chauffeur and I've just killed the pig."

Deaf At The Hotel

A deaf couple on their honeymoon spend all day traveling and then check into a tall fancy hotel late in the day. They get to the room, only to realize they've forgotten the champagne. The guy signs that he'll run out and get some. So he drives to the store and grabs the best bottle he can find. As he gets out of the car back at the hotel, he realizes that he's forgotten which room he's in. Thinking for a second, he gets back into the car and blows the horn nonstop for a good 20 seconds. All of the lights in the hotel light up.....................except 1.

Donald Trump and his chauffeur are driving on a country road...

Suddenly, a pig runs in front of the car. The chauffeur has no time to react, and runs over it, giving it instant death. The chauffeur stops the car, gets out and looks around. He spots a small farm-house in the distance. Donald says to his chauffeur,
"You should at least tell them that you've killed the pig"
The chauffeur does as he's told. A couple of hours later, the chauffeur stumbles out of the farmhouse, covered in lipstick kiss-marks and a bottle of champagne in each hand. As he stumbles to the passenger side window, Donald exclaims,
"Jesus, what did you tell them?"
"Exactly what you told me boss: Hi I'm Donald Trump's chauffeur and I've just killed the pig"

A guy goes to visit his elderly parents...

It's the day after their 63rd wedding anniversary. The guy says to his dad, "Hi Pops. Did you take mom somewhere nice for your anniversary yesterday?".
"Oh yeah," replies the dad, "it was great. The food was delicious, the service was great, and they brought us a bottle of champagne on the house when we mentioned it was our anniversary!"
"Wow, that does sound great," says the son, "what was the place called?"
"Oh jeez," replies the dad, hand to his forehead "d**... if I can remember. What's that flower? The one with lots of petals, pink or red? It has a lovely scent?"
"Rose?" the son says
"That's it!" the old man exclaims. He turns his head and shouts "ROSE? ROSE?! WHAT WAS THE PLACE WE ATE AT YESTERDAY CALLED?!"

10 blondes walk into a bar...

they say to the bartender, "We'll have the most expensive bottle of champagne you have! We're celebrating."
They sit down and crack open the bottle and raise their glasses and they all say "23" and drink.
The bartender is curious and goes to their table and asks, "What are you celebrating?"
They point to a framed puzzle and say, "We'll we were sick of all the negative stereotypes of blondes, so we decided to do this puzzle, it took us only 23 days, but on the box it says 2-3 years!"