Bother Jokes
113 bother jokes and hilarious bother puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about bother that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Don't let bothersome jokes interfere with your good time tonight. Discover how to handle someone who won't stop disturbing you with their bothersome jokes. Learn the best strategies to shut down anyone who won't give you a break.
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Funniest Bother Short Jokes
Short bother jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The bother humour may include short annoyed jokes also.
- Im surprised that Roy Moore wants a recount; a large gap in number had never bothered him before. Get it?
- My girlfriend's red flag wouldn't have bothered me so much ....if they didn't have swastikas on them.
- A girl I met on tinder said "don't even bother talking to me if your height starts with 5" Jokes on her, I'm 4'11
- Go away bee, don't bother me. A wise man once told me, if a bee is bothering you, don't swat or run away, just stand still and look right at it, because seeing is believing.
- I got a letter that was just addressed to "You Idiot". What bothers me is that the post office knew where to deliver it.
- This barista at starbucks looked so nervous as she handed me my coffee. I think she was scared because she spelt my name wrong, she wrote "callthecops".
I didn't bother leaving a tip. - My girlfriend broke up with me for stealing her wheelchair But I'm not bothered, I know she'll come crawling back any day now
- New study shows bodies found from the Bermuda Triangle all died from heat exhaustion... ...everyone knows its 180 degrees inside a triangle, I don't know why people even bother traveling through it.
- You guys heard about this new spiderman restaurant? Don't bother bringing cash. All the orders are web only.
- 10, 20, 30, 40, 50, 60, 70, 80, 90, 100, 110, 120... Don't bother me. My work here is intense.
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Bother One Liners
Which bother one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with bother? I can suggest the ones about hassle and trouble.
- I'm not a fan of elevator music. It bothers me on so many levels.
- I just ended a long-term relationship today I'm not too bothered, it wasn't mine
- Elevator music bothers me On so many levels
- Why is the sky blue? No one bothers to ask how it's feeling.
- What do ISIS and anime fans have in common? They both get hot and bothered over cartoons.
- I can't even be bothered to be apathetic these days
- I just told my wife I am going dry for January I really can't be bothered with foreplay.
- Beggars are like mosquitos... You hope for cold weather, so they will stop bothering you.
- What do Elsa and a necrophiliac have in common? The cold never bothered them anyway......
- Don't bother to spell the word 'part' backwards, It's just a trap
- We shouldn't bother fat people They have enough on their plate already.
- I started writing a book about apathy once … I couldn't be bothered finishing it!
- Don't bother calling the tinnitus hotline It just keeps ringing and ringing
- It doesn't bother me to be the dumbest person in the room it's nice and quiet that way.
- You know what bothers me about arson? He's never doing his homework.
Yarr.
Bother Me Jokes
Here is a list of funny bother me jokes and even better bother me puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- -What are you drinking, son? -Soy milk.
-Hola milk, soy tu padre.
Edit : Removed the "es" that was bothering everyone - A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel in his pants. The bartender asks, "Hey, buddy, doesn't that bother you?"
The pirate says, "Yar, it's drivin' me nuts." - Being a sexist doesn't bother me at all. The only people that will call me a sexist are women and their opinion doesn't matter.
- Give a man fire and he'll be warm for a day Set a man on fire and he'll stop bothering you.
- My dad always told me that if a bee is bothering you, stare at it intently instead of trying to swat it. Because ….seeing is bee leaving.
- So my girlfriend wants to roleplay as a 14 year old... I told her "why bother? You'll be 14 in a few years anyway"
- Why did David Hasselhoff change his name to 'The Hoff'? He couldn't be bothered with the hassle
- My girlfriend told me "I used to be Christian" "That's fine" I replied "I don't see why that would bother me"
"Good" She said "because I'm so much happier as Christina" - My mate is in a band called NS. At first, I was fascinated to find out what it stands for. But now I'm not too bothered. It's nothing special.
- Sometimes when I give money to homeless people, bystanders shout "Why bother? They're only going to buy drugs or alcohol with it!"... oh, like I wasn't?!
Ridiculous Bother Jokes to Spark Fun and Laughter
What funny jokes about bother you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean fuss jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make bother pranks.
If you find gold in Australia where should you look for silver?
**Ag**stralia
The mailman
A mailman gets a new route in a rural community. Walking up to a isolated little farmhouse, he sees a woman out back getting hammered by a goat.
He looks at the kid sitting on the porch, and asks him "Hey kid, doesn't it bother you, what your mom's doing back there?"
The kid looks at him and says "NAAAAAAA!"
A pirate walks into a bar
The bar tender notices that he has a ships wheel sticking out of the front of his pants, he asks "doesn't that bother you". And the pirate says "arrrr it's drivin me nuts"
An old drunk was at the bar when...
He saw this beautiful woman drinking alone at the corner of the bar alone. So he waved the bartender over and ask the bartender to send a bottle of the most expensive champagne to the woman.
The bartender, "nah, I wouldn't bother with that. She's a lesbian." But the old drunk insisted.
A short while later, the old drunk sauntered over to the woman, "So...which part of Lesbia are you from?"
Did you hear pooh bear went g**...?
He doesn't even give a bother.
I hate it when people bother me...
I'm tired of people ringing my doorbell at all hours of the day and night, asking for donations. This morning it was some woman from the s**... bank. Boy, did I give her a mouthful!
My favorite pirate joke
A pirate walks into a bar with a huge wooden ships wheel stuck down the front of his pants, as he waddles up to the bar the bartender asks, "Hey, doesn't that thing bother you?"
To which the pirate replies, "Gaarrrr, it's drivin' me nuts!"
Have you ever visited the area between Thailand and Vietnam?
Don't bother. It's pretty Laos-y.
My downstairs neighbor was yelling and b**... on the ceiling until 3 AM
Did that bother you?
Not much. I was up til about the same time practicing my trumpet.
How many passive aggressive people does it take to change a light bulb?
Don't bother, I'll do it myself.
I thought about starting a support group for pessimists...
...but why bother, it's not like it'd make any difference anyway...
A pirate walks into a bar...
A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel attached to his c**.... The bartender looks at the steering wheel and asks, "Doesn't that bother you?" The pirate responds, "Yar it's driving me nuts."
There's a chef that doesn't bother putting gloves on before prepping his food
Now he's got a lot more thyme on his hands.
It's finals week and the only question on the test is "what is 2+2?"
A philosophy major writes a long eloquent response but doesn't bother to actually answer the question.
A math major makes a formal proof that 2=2 and that addition is commutative before using the squeeze theorem to prove that 4≤2+2≤4.
An engineering major knows the answer is 4 but writes down 5 just to be safe.
So I was having s**... with this girl..
When suddenly she asks me: "Doesn't it bother you that I'm 13??"
So I replied: "Not really, I've never been superstitious"
Are you bothered by the fact that the term "dad joke" refers to a certain kind of humor associated with dads, whereas the term "mom joke" refers to jokes that are derogatory towards mothers?
Hi, bothered by the fact that the term "dad joke" refers to a certain kind of humor associated with dads, whereas the term "mom joke" refers to jokes that are derogatory towards mothers, I'm dad.
"Awww... your baby is cute!"
...I said to a woman with a stroller one day.
"How old is he?" I asked.
"Well, my friend, little Johnny here is 18 months old!" she replied, motioning to her baby. "Also, I'm sorry to bother you, but what time is it?"
"Sure. It's eighty-three thousand, four hundred thirty-two seconds past midnight."
Nobody showed up for my Time Traveler-themed New Year's party
I guess I shouldn't bother with sending the invitations next week after all.
So I was telling my dad
That the entire team that worked on finding Nemo had to take fish biology 101. Then he says "so does it ever bother you that the fish are talking?"
That was the hardest I laughed in a while
When m'y girlfriend said let's not bother and do nothing this year for valentine's day
I agreed and realised way later that included s**...
Today I was in the elevator with a guy who only rode to the second floor. He couldn't even bother to take one flight of stairs?
How lazy. That's probably how he got to be in a wheelchair.
I had to s**... in front of my mom and my girlfriend the other day...
"Doesn't this bother you?"
"Why would it? I came out of one of you, and into the other!"
Annoying Youtubers are like flies
They bother you for too long, you SWAT them.
If there is anything that really bothers you, I suggest that you let a friend know.
That way, they will be bothered by it too.
I get so bothered by people who use words without knowing what they mean
it always gives me a huge hysterectomy on the side of my head.
A man walks into a bar, and sees King Kong having a drink...
Now, the man loves all of Kong's films, so he decides to walk up to him. He says, "wow! King Kong! I'm such a big fan. Sorry to bother you, but do you have time for a photo? "
King Kong suddenly looks up, checks his watch.
He turns to the man and says "sorry, I've a plane to catch".
It bothers me more than it should when people put the first line of the joke in the title
It bothers me more than it should when people put the first line of the joke in the title then repeat it in the body of the post.
Little Johnny walks in on his parents having s**...
He asks, "Mommy, what are you doing to Daddy?"
She thinks fast and says "Daddy's too fat, so I'm trying to flatten him out".
"Why bother? Every Tuesday the maid comes in and blows him back up again!"
I found my first p**... hair today.
Normally things like this don't bother me.
But it was in my Big Mac.
Jean's mom came home after visiting her hometown
Maggie: Hey, where did your mom come from?
Jean: Alaska
Maggie: Don't bother, I'll ask her myself
Mary Magdalene is about to be s**... for adultry
Just as the crowd was about to start throwing rocks, Jesus walks up and says "let him who is without sin cast the first stone." Nobody moves, but then a stone comes flying out from the crowd and hits Mary right in the face. Jesus turns to see who threw the stone and says "I told you not to bother me when I'm working mother!"
There are 2 types of lists that bother me
1) Self-referential lists
B. Inconsistently formatted lists
Why do they bother saying raw sewage ?
Do some people actually cook that stuff?
I saw a girl and I wrote my number on a dollar.
I went to her and I dropped the dollar then I said: "Sorry to bother you, but this dropped from you."
But the s**... girl went and bought a sandwich with the dollar.
The problem is not here, but the problem is that the sandwich seller is texting me till midnight saying: "Did you love the sandwich beautiful?"
A guy phoned the emergency hot line, please come quick, my son has just swallowed a c**..., ten minutes later he phoned again saying don't bother.
I have found another one.
Don't bother getting medicine for your headache...
After all, it's all in your head.
My therapist recommended that I write in a diary to help my low self-esteem.
*Dear Diary,*
S*orry to bother you again.*
My sister was bother my 5 year old niece while she was playing Roblox on her iPod
My niece got fed up and said, "You better stop or I'm gonna buy this for real!" *Selects random IAP*
Trip to the Zoo
One day Joe's mother turned to Joe's father and said, "It's such a nice day, I think I'll take Joe to the zoo."
"I wouldn't bother," said father.
"If they want him, let them come and get him!"
Why dont you bother someone who is digging in his toilet?
Hes just mining his own business
I found my first grey p**... hair this morning.
Normally things like this don't bother me, but I found it in my sausage and egg McMuffin.
A blond man walks into a bar
He sees a very attractive woman sitting by herself, so he goes over to introduce himself.
"Hello miss, my name is Billy. Can I buy you a drink?"
She says, "I'm Amanda."
The man says, "Oh, I'm sorry to bother you, sir." and leaves.
A man dies and goes to heaven
He sees Saint Peter, and starts to tell him a joke
"Masterchief and Cortana walk into a bar.."
Saint Peter cuts him off
"Is this about Halo?"
"Yeah"
"Don't bother, its just going to go over my head"
iPhone users, don't bother sending the Meteor emoji to your Android friends...
...It won't have the same impact.
It always bothers me when I tell my wife I'll be home in 10 minutes
But she continues to call every half hour anyway
A girl and guy are laying in bed after s**...
She turns to him and says,
"Babe I need to tell you something, I used to be a Christian."
He said:
"That doesn't bother me any!"
She responded:
"That's a relief, I much prefer being a Christine."
A girl and guy are laying in bed after s**...
She turns to him and says,
"Babe I need to tell you something, I used to be Christian."
He said: "That doesn't bother me any!"
She responded: "That's a relief, I much prefer being Christine."
Mozart runs into a bar...
He's scratched and bleeding and can barely stand.
The bartender asks, What's wrong?!? What happened?!?
Mozart gasps as he collapses to the floor, I was just attacked by a wolf gang and now imma dazed!
(Just an awful joke I came up with to brother my bother. )
After dinner I started to pack the dirty dishes into the dishwasher, when it suddenly started talking!
In a really dejected, pitiful voice it told me, "Don't bother pal, I'm useless. I'll never get that crusty lasagne off that pan. I'm terrible. The glassware will all have water spots by the time I'm done. I'm the worst appliance in this house!!"
I said, "What's wrong with you?!"
"Nothing, I'm a self loathing dishwasher."
Co-Written by: IveyRoney
A Czechoslovakian and a Russian go bear hunting.
When they hadn't returned for several days, a search party was dispatched.
The search party followed the two men's tracks until they stopped at two dead brown bears, a male and a female.
They cut open the female, and sure enough, there was the Russian.
They didn't bother with the second bear, because they just assumed the Czech was in the male.
If you call people who cannot see blind, what do you call people who cannot hear?
Nothing. Why bother calling them names when they can't hear!
A couple of shrimp were at the bar next to me, eating a bowl of fries. I went to ask if I could have one, but the bartender stopped me. "Don't bother," he said, "they won't share.
They're two shellfish."
A man, a squirrel, and 2 bees are going on a road trip.
On the road, they run out of gas so the man pulls over. One of the bees says, Don't worry, I'll pee in the tank. It'll get us a little further. It works, until they run out of gas again.
The second bee steps up and says, Don't worry, I'll pee in the tank. It'll get us a little further. It works, until they run out of gas for the third time.
This time the squirrel chimes in and says, Don't worry, I'll pee in the tank. It'll get us a little further.
But the man says, Don't bother, she only runs on BP.
I just found my first grey p**... hair!
Normally these things don't bother me but it was in my Big Mac...
I asked her, "Do you spit or s**...?"
# She slapped me and stormed off!
### Anyway, I don't recommend wine tastings as a first date, it really seems to bother some girls for some reason.
Last year, one of my new year resolutions was too stop being so arrogant and c**...
Realised a week into January I didn't need to bother because I am already perfect
While leaving a grocery store, a customer dropped a bag of flour.
A Scout ran to pick it up.
Don't bother, young man, said the customer.
It's self-rising.
Villager 1: Flee for your lives! The mad scientist in the castle turned a tiny lizard into a monster that's destroying everything in its path!
Villager 2: Meh, why bother. We're doomed from the gecko.
3 men went to a theme park
and walked up to a ride that said "magic slide". The 1st man read the sign and went down the slide yelling "gold!" Landed in a pit of gold. 2nd man read the sign, went down the slide yelling "silver!" Landed in a p**... of silver. The 3rd man didn't bother reading the sign and just went down the slide yelling "wee!" Landed in a p**... of wee.
Why shouldn't you bother to order a flatbread appetizer from an Indian restaurant?
It will be a naan starter.
A farmer has dozens of cows and two bulls, but both bulls are too old to mate anymore.
One day the famer brings a third bull into the field. The new bull is much younger than the other two, and immediately starts mating with cow after cow.
When the old bulls see this, one of them starts huffing, snorting, and scraping the ground with his hoof.
"Don't bother competing with that guy," says the other old bull. "You're too old. He'd laugh at you."
"I'm not trying to compete with him," replies the first old bull. "I just want him to know I'm not a cow."
Why shouldn't you bother someone who collects bitcoins?
Because they're mining their own business
Mary and Jane are old friends.
They have both been married to their husbands for a long time; Mary is upset because she thinks her husband doesn't find her attractive anymore.
"As I get older he doesn't bother to look at me!" Mary cries.
"I'm so sorry for you, as I get older my husband says I get more beautiful every day." replies Jane.
"Yes, but your husband's an antique dealer!"
What do you call a Dog with no legs?
Why bother? They can't come either way.
I told my friend that my girlfriend went on holiday to the west indies.
He said "Jamaica"...
I said, "No, she went of her own accord." I then added, "For her next holiday, she's off to one of the coldest states in America."
He said "which one"
I said "Alaska".
He said, "don't bother. I'll ask her, myself."
A man hands out printouts on Red Square. He's then arrested.
Once at the police station, the officers realize that his leaflets were empty. He says, "Everyone knows what the problem is, so why bother writing it down?"
I had my credit card stolen the other day.
But I didn't bother to report it, since the thief is spending less than my wife.
