Bother Me Jokes

50 bother me jokes and hilarious bother me puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about bother me that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Funniest Bother Me Short Jokes

Short bother me jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The bother me humour may include short bother jokes also.

  1. Im surprised that Roy Moore wants a recount; a large gap in number had never bothered him before. Get it?
  2. My girlfriend's red flag wouldn't have bothered me so much ....if they didn't have swastikas on them.
  3. A girl I met on tinder said "don't even bother talking to me if your height starts with 5" Jokes on her, I'm 4'11
  4. Go away bee, don't bother me. A wise man once told me, if a bee is bothering you, don't swat or run away, just stand still and look right at it, because seeing is believing.
  5. I got a letter that was just addressed to "You Idiot". What bothers me is that the post office knew where to deliver it.
  6. This barista at starbucks looked so nervous as she handed me my coffee. I think she was scared because she spelt my name wrong, she wrote "callthecops".
    I didn't bother leaving a tip.
  7. My girlfriend broke up with me for stealing her wheelchair But I'm not bothered, I know she'll come crawling back any day now
  8. New study shows bodies found from the Bermuda Triangle all died from heat exhaustion... ...everyone knows its 180 degrees inside a triangle, I don't know why people even bother traveling through it.
  9. You guys heard about this new spiderman restaurant? Don't bother bringing cash. All the orders are web only.
  10. 10, 20, 30, 40, 50, 60, 70, 80, 90, 100, 110, 120... Don't bother me. My work here is intense.

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Bother Me One Liners

Which bother me one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with bother me? I can suggest the ones about annoyed and annoying people.

  1. I'm not a fan of elevator music. It bothers me on so many levels.
  2. I just ended a long-term relationship today I'm not too bothered, it wasn't mine
  3. Elevator music bothers me On so many levels
  4. Why is the sky blue? No one bothers to ask how it's feeling.
  5. What do ISIS and anime fans have in common? They both get hot and bothered over cartoons.
  6. I can't even be bothered to be apathetic these days
  7. I just told my wife I am going dry for January I really can't be bothered with foreplay.
  8. Beggars are like mosquitos... You hope for cold weather, so they will stop bothering you.
  9. What do Elsa and a necrophiliac have in common? The cold never bothered them anyway......
  10. Don't bother to spell the word 'part' backwards, It's just a trap
  11. We shouldn't bother fat people They have enough on their plate already.
  12. I started writing a book about apathy once … I couldn't be bothered finishing it!
  13. Don't bother calling the tinnitus hotline It just keeps ringing and ringing
  14. It doesn't bother me to be the dumbest person in the room it's nice and quiet that way.
  15. You know what bothers me about arson? He's never doing his homework.

Bother Me Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.

What funny jokes about bother me you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean ignore me jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make bother me pranks.

A girl and guy are laying in bed after s**...

She turns to him and says,
"Babe I need to tell you something, I used to be a Christian."
He said:
"That doesn't bother me any!"
She responded:
"That's a relief, I much prefer being a Christine."

Being a sexist doesn't bother me at all.

The only people that will call me a sexist are women and their opinion doesn't matter.

My girlfriend told me "I used to be Christian"

"That's fine" I replied "I don't see why that would bother me"
"Good" She said "because I'm so much happier as Christina"

I found my first p**... hair today.

Normally things like this don't bother me.
But it was in my Big Mac.

I hate it when people bother me...

I'm tired of people ringing my doorbell at all hours of the day and night, asking for donations. This morning it was some woman from the s**... bank. Boy, did I give her a mouthful!

I just found my first grey p**... hair!

Normally these things don't bother me but it was in my Big Mac...

Frank Sinatra was dining out one night when a high school lad came up to his table.

Mr. Sinatra," said the teen-age boy, my name is Bernie Rosenberg. Would you please do me a favor?
What kind of favor? Sinatra asked.
"Well, I'm here with my girl and I want to make a good impression on her. I certainly would appreciate it if you would drop by my table and say 'Hi, Bernie!'
OK, kid, I'll try, said the singer, smiling.
A little later he dropped by the boy's table, and said, Hi, Bernie!
The boy looked up at him and snapped, Don't bother me now, Frankie. Can't you see I'm busy?

There are 2 types of lists that bother me

1) Self-referential lists
B. Inconsistently formatted lists

Mary Magdalene is about to be s**... for adultry

Just as the crowd was about to start throwing rocks, Jesus walks up and says "let him who is without sin cast the first stone." Nobody moves, but then a stone comes flying out from the crowd and hits Mary right in the face. Jesus turns to see who threw the stone and says "I told you not to bother me when I'm working mother!"

A girl and guy are laying in bed after s**...

She turns to him and says,
"Babe I need to tell you something, I used to be Christian."
He said: "That doesn't bother me any!"
She responded: "That's a relief, I much prefer being Christine."

I found my first grey p**... hair this morning.

Normally things like this don't bother me, but I found it in my sausage and egg McMuffin.

Two men are talking in a Louisiana bar.

One says to the other, "I had the strangest encounter last night. An alligator crept into my room, climbed into my bed next to me, and just stayed there all night hissing away."
"Weren't you scared at all?", said the other man.
The first man replies, "Well I guess because of the fact I was married to a cold-blooded reptile for 20 years, it didn't really bother me that much."

Apparently, In Sweden parents aren't allowed to s**... their kids.

Like that would bother me, I don't do foreplay.

My housemate in college was a sleepwalker and it used to really bother me...

Until I taught him how to do the dishes in his sleep.

I'm weak at maths but that doesn't bother me

Because my friend told me it's statistically proven 4 out of 3 people struggle with maths.

I found my first gray p**... hair today...

Normally these things wouldn't bother me if it wasn't in my burger...

I think s**... is so overrated

and it wouldn't bother me if i never had s**... ever again. I mean, I just don't understand what all the fuss is about where s**... is concerned. Said my wife.

One cow says to another...

"aren't you worried about all this mad cow disease going round?"
"doesn't bother me, geoff, because i'm a helicopter"

Their are really only three things that bother me.

People who don't know how to count.

I was decapitated

It doesn't bother me, this way I am always ahead, of others.

Homosexual couples don't bother me.

Their biological children do.

I got another letter from this lawyer today. It said Final Notice ...

Good that he will not bother me anymore.

My wife thinks I should talk about things that bother me and how I am feeling instead of trying to change the subject

But I just don't think we are gonna get as much snow as they say this winter.

Homosexuality is like an illness

If it doesn't affect me negatively, It doesn't bother me.

Public Bathrooms Don't Bother Me

But where do they all find such a great deal on all the 2000grit white rolls of sandpaper.

When people won't talk to me, it doesn't bother me. When a dog won't let me pet them, man, that really hurts.

Problem with Gas.

A little old lady goes to the doctor and says, "Doctor I have this problem with gas, but it really doesn't bother me too much because they never smell and are always silent. As a matter of fact, I've f**... at least 20 times since I've been here in your office." 
The doctor says, "I see, take these pills and come back to see me next week. 
The next week the lady goes back to his office. "Doctor," she says, "I don't know what you gave me, but now my farts, although still silent, stink terribly!" 
The doctor says, "Good, Now that we've cleared up your sinuses, let's work on your hearing."

My grandparents would always take me out to dinner when I was a kid and jokingly ask me, "Are you paying this time?"

I would laugh and say "No! I don't have any money". They did this right up until I started college. We went to dinner same as always but at the end they didn't ask me. It was strange but figured they forgot. Well after a while it started to bother me. Finally after dinner one night I asked them "Why don't you guys ask me to pay anymore?". They looked at me and said "Your in college now, there is no point in asking, we KNOW you don't have money"

A guy moves way way out to the country...

...miles from anything. One day there's a knock at the door, and he opens it to find a guy in full hayseed regalia, overalls, thermal shirt, the works.
Hick: "Howdy, new neighbor! Would ya like to come to a party at my place tonight?"
New guy: "Well, sure! I'm new to these parts, I sure would love to meet the locals."
Hick: "I gotta warn ya, there'll be some drinkin'."
New guy: "That's OK, I could use a drink."
Hick: "There'll be some salty language."
New guy: "That won't bother me."
Hick: "...and some rough s**...."
New guy: "Hey, I'm in! How about if I bring a case of wine?"
Hick: "Nah, a bottle should do: it's just you and me."

Praying For Nothing?

A very religious man lived right next door to an atheist. While the religious one prayed day in, day out, and was constantly on his knees in communion with his Lord, the atheist never even looked twice at a church. However, the atheist's life was good, he had a well-paying job and a beautiful wife, and his children were healthy and good-natured, whereas the pious man's job was strenuous and his wages were low, his wife was getting fatter every day and his kids wouldn't give him the time of the day. So one day, deep in prayer as usual, he raised his eyes towards heaven and asked:
"Oh God, I honor you every day, I ask your advice for every problem and confess to you my every sin. Yet my neighbor, who doesn't even believe in you and certainly never prays, seems blessed with every happiness, while I go poor and suffer many an indignity. Why is this?" And a great voice was heard from above:

f**... all the time

A cute little old lady goes to the doctor and says,
"Doctor I have this problem with gas, but it really doesn't bother me too much. It never smells and is always silent. As a matter of fact I've f**... at least 10 times since I've been here in your office. You didn't know I was f**... because it doesn't smell and is silent."
The doctor says,
"I see. Take these pills and come back to see me next week".
The next week the lady returns.
"Doctor," she says, "I don't know what the heck you gave me, but now my farts, although still silent, stink terribly".
"Good," the doctor said "Now that we've cleared up your sinuses, let's work on your hearing"

This little old lady goes to the doctor and says, "Doctor I have this problem with passing gas, but it really doesn’t bother me too much. It never smells and it’s always silent. As a matter of fact I’ve passed gas at least 20 times since I’ve been here in your office. You didn’t know I was passing gas because it doesn’t smell and it’s silent."
The doctor says "I see. Take these pills and come back to see me next week."
The next week the lady goes back. "Doctor," she says, "I don’t know what you gave me, but now my passing gas… although still silent, it stinks terribly."
"Good", the doctor said, "now that we’ve cleared up your sinuses, we’ll start to work on your hearing."