Boston Jokes
149 boston jokes and hilarious boston puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about boston that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Check out this funny compilation of jokes about the city of Boston and its iconic landmarks, characters, and culture. From the famous Boston Tea Party to the beloved Boston Terrier, explore these classic and absurd jokes about one of America's oldest and most iconic cities.
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Funniest Boston Short Jokes
Short boston jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The boston humour may include short boston marathon jokes also.
- Einstein is on a train leaving New York. He leans over to another passenger and asks, "excuse me, do you know if Boston stops at this train?"
- Why do Boston police cars have blue lights? Because Boston drivers don't stop for red lights.
- Khakis In most places, losing your khakis means you have no pants. In Boston, if you lose your khakis, you can't drive.
- In 1919, a storage tank full of molasses in Boston exploded, causing a flood that killed 21 people. I guess you could call it the Boston Molassacre.
- I used to think my drawings made me autistic... it turns out my Grandma was just from Boston.
- Did you know that, during the first game of the 1936 baseball season, the Boston Braves managed to win while also badly injuring six players on the opposing team? They were truly ruthless.
- In most of the country, if you lose your khakis you have no pants... But in Boston, if you lose your khakis you can't start your car.
- What do you call a Massachusite who cuts down trees? _In a New England accent..._
A Boston lager.
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I made this up yesterday in the car.
- I used to own a Raven in Boston It could speak English, but the only word it knew was "Car"
- If a Lama with one L is a holy man in Tabet, and a 2 L's is a beast of burden, then what is a three L Lama? A big fire in Boston
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Boston One Liners
Which boston one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with boston? I can suggest the ones about seafood and pacific.
- What do you call a beautiful girl in Boston? A tourist.
- HAPPY FOURH OF JULY Looking for the T?
It's in Boston Harbor. - What does a pirate from Boston say? Aaahhh.
- What does a Boston terrier sound like? Bahk bahk. Wicked bahk.
- Q: What has 2 arms, 3 legs, and 4 feet?
A: The finish line at the Boston Marathon. - I asked a produce seller from boston if they had a truck. They were like "No, I avocado"
- I heard the Toronto Maple Leafs now have the milk board as their sponsor. Now they only have to put in 2% of the effort.
- Did you hear about the Boston chef who died? They could not find the sauce of his illness
- Why do so many artists in Boston identify as autistic?
- Where did the 'T' in "British" go? In the Boston Harbor
- Who is a Boston Terrier's favorite classical composer? Bach
- What does a Boston Majorette do with their baton? Toilet
- What do you call a shooting in a Boston Catholic Church? A Mass mass mass shooting.
- Why did the sheep go to Boston? To check out the Baahs.
- Why are there so many people in Boston? They're Mass-produced
Boston Marathon Jokes
Here is a list of funny boston marathon jokes and even better boston marathon puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What does the winner of the Boston Marathon lose? His breath.
- Friend ran in the Boston Marathon, He said he had a blast but can't feel his legs.
- Warning: Police are on the lookout for an overweight man who did not pay his entrance fee to the Boston Marathon. He is believed to be still on the run
- I saw some horrible comedian making jokes about the Boston Marathon... Some lines must not be crossed.
(Source: Anthony Jeselnik I think) - A guy told me this one in class today.... What do you call 2 White Russians and a Jager bomb?
A Boston Marathon. - I was thinking about sharing a joke about the Boston Marathon Bombings But there are just some lines that should not be crossed
- Congratulations to all the runners in the Boston Marathon. You survived
- There is a line in comedy that you should not cross and that line starts at the Boston Marathon.
- If you run the Boston marathon and do bad, you really shouldn't say you bombed it
- I watch the Boston Marathon every year with my best friend. This year his girlfriend decided to join us, but she just couldn't understand why we were laughing. It was a running joke.
Boston Tea Jokes
Here is a list of funny boston tea jokes and even better boston tea puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I prefer my tea American style.. Mixed with the salt of Boston Harbor.
- What's it called when a group of people gossip at a Red Sox home game? The Boston Tea Party
- What did the colonist say at the Boston Tea Party? The price is too steep!
- Why do Americans drink their tea cold? Because it takes too long to boil Boston Harbor.
- Did you know that America holds the record for the worlds largest cup of tea? Its about the size of the Boston harbor.
- We all know the new Avengers movie is just the Boston Tea Party but bigger. Come on guys Infinite Tea War you weren't even subtle.
- What did the American revolutionist say to the British soldier after the Boston Tea Party? See you in tea!
- How do people take their tea in Boston? They don't drink tea, it's all in the Hah-Bah
- I like my tea like I like my s**... partners. Dumped into the Boston Harbor.
Boston Massachusetts Jokes
Here is a list of funny boston massachusetts jokes and even better boston massachusetts puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What do you call it when... A guy from Massachusetts doesn't pull out?
A Boston cream pie! - What do you call 4046 m² of Massachusetts' largest city? A Boston MassAcre
- What do you call a man that got unfrozen that lives in Massachusetts? Boston Powers
- What is a Lumber-Jack from Massachusetts' favorite drink? A Boston Logger.
- What do you call a Massachusetts p**...? A Boston c**...
- What do you call a gang r**... in Massachusetts? A Boston Cream Pie.
Boston Bruins Jokes
Here is a list of funny boston bruins jokes and even better boston bruins puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- The Boston Bruins had a good chance of beating the Leafs... ...but they totally bombed it.
Hilarious Boston Jokes for a Fun-Filled Night with Friends
What funny jokes about boston you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean accent jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make boston pranks.
Why do bartenders from Boston confiscate an intoxicated person's Khaki's at the end of the night?
So they can't drive home.
What's the difference between h**... and the Boston marathon bomber?
The bomber actually stopped a race
Tense, moody joke
Guy lands at Logan, hops a cab, and says to the driver, "Well now that i'm in Boston, where can I get scrod?" Cabbie says, "You know, I've heard that question a thousand times, but never in the pluperfect subjunctive."
Why are programmers so good at poetry?
Well, all words rhyme in binary.
While we still don't know the motivations or the thought process behind the Boston Bombings
I think it's safe to say that the perpetrators are racists.
What is the one thing the Boston b**... and h**... have in common?
They tried to end a race.
First day back in the office on Boylston not going so well. Feel good jokes?
Hey guys, so our office is right between where the two bombs went off in Boston last week. They opened everything back up last night, and so we're back in today. I saw a lot of stuff that I never wanted to last week, and it seems like I'm the only one here (out of 6 employees) that is really struggling with this.
Can you help me get through today with some feel good jokes?
A man goes to Boston
A man goes on a business trip to Boston. He has never been there before and wants to try some of the local food. His friends all told him to try the sea food. Especially Boston Scrod.
So as he gets into the taxi at the airport he ask the driver "Do you know where I can get Scrod?"
The driver answers "Listen Mac. I've been asked that question many times and in many ways but never before in the past pluperfect subjunctive."
Relativity
A student is taking the train back to MIT, and realizes that Albert Einstein just sat down in the seat next to him! Excitedly, the student asks: "Excuse me, professor. Does Boston stop at this train?"
Northeast Weather
I just got off the phone with my friend in Boston. He said that since early this morning, the snow has been nearly waist high and still falling. The temperature is dropping way below zero and the north wind is increasing to near gale force. His wife has done nothing but look through the kitchen window and just staring. He said, if it gets much worse, he may have to let her in.
What do you call a h**... in Boston?
A tourist
Besides, rotisserie meat is too tough for those tiny army knives.
Swiss people refuse to dine at Boston Market because they hate choosing sides.
What's the difference between the holocaust and the Boston Marathon b**...?
The Boston Marathon b**... ended a race.
The Boston snowstorm so was bad the Canadians reported on it.
They called it Tuesday.
Why doesn't Boston like whistleblowers during the winter?
Because they always seem to get Snowden
Why did the painter from Boston have trouble making friends?
He was way too autistic for his own good.
Worst joke I've ever heard
What is the difference between h**... and the Boston b**...?
One of them actually ended a race.
Why were the Boston Marathon Bombings worse than h**...? (OFFENSIVE)
Because they actually managed to end a race.
Why did the man from Boston show up late to work with no pants on?
He couldn't find his khakis or his khakis.
Why don't British people pronounce their T's?
They left them in the Boston Harbor
A flight from Dublin to Boston
Shortly after I took off on an Aer Lingus flight from Dublin to Boston a few weeks ago, the air hostess nervously announced that the catering department had made a terrible mistake. A big mix up she said. Although 226 passengers were on board they received only 80 dinners. She apologised, but said that anybody kind enough to give up their meal would receive unlimited free drinks for the remainder of the flight. The next announcement came 2 hours later when she said, "If anybody is hungry, we still have 80 dinners available".
It's the final day of the annual pirate convention, and the debate over the site of next years convention begins...
One pirate says, "how about ARRRbys!", many pirates nod in agreement.
Another pirate says, "how about ARRRkansas", even more pirates are pleased at that suggestion.
A third pirate says, "how about Boston!", a confused murmur spreads across the room, "stay with me here" says the pirate, "so we can pARRRk ARRRR cARRR in the hARRRRvard yARRRd!"
Bill Cosby awarded another honorary degree from Boston University,
this time is was Anesthesiology.
A Bostonian is walking down the street when...
A pirate jumps out in front of him and screams "Arrr!!!" To which the Bostonian screams back "Ahhhhhh!"
What do h**... and a boston marathon runner have in common
The inability to finish a race
It must s**... to be creative in Boston...
Because everyone tells you how "ah-tistic" you ah.
What does a former CIA agent who leaked classified information and the city of Boston have in common?
They're both snowed in.
Why can't people from Boston become pirates?
Because they don't pronounce their Arrs!
Alabama college kid visiting Boston
So this Alabama Crimson Tide football player is visiting Boston. He's at a party and sees this pretty blonde girl, want to chat her up.
Goes over and says "What college does you go to?" She's not impressed by his down south accent and general rural hick ways, so she says "Yale." and looks away.
He lean over to her ear and says "WHAT COLLEGE DOES YOU GO TO?"
A man runs into an old salty sea captain on the docks of Boston harbor and says,
"Cap'm, can't help but noticin'...you got a steerin' wheel secures to yer c**... there." Sea captain removes the pipe from 'tween his teeth and says, "Aye. It's drivin' me nuts."
A Bostonian shooter opens fire on a Catholic meeting, killing 28 and injuring dozens more.
The newspaper headline the next day reads:
"A Massive Massacre Occurs at Mass in Massachusetts."
Agent: "Welcome to Delta, can I help you?"
Passenger: "Hi, I'm going to Boston. I'd like this bag sent to Miami, and this one to Atlanta."
Agent: "I'm sorry, but we can't do that sir."
Passenger: "Really? Because you did it last week..."
Credit to /u/SilverbackBob
Did you hear about that girl from Boston who got in trouble for being a bad dancer?
She told her parents that she was an erratic dancer.
Classic r**... joke
Bill moves to Bama from Boston. He knocks on his r**... neighbor's door.
"Well, welcome to Bama, Bill. You come just in time. We's havin' a party tonight. Gonna be eatin' and drinkin', fightin' and f**...'."
Bill is excited, "Wow, what should I wear?"
r**... neighbor replies, "It don't matter - just gonna be the two of us."
What is the official snack food of the Boston Red Sox and New England Patriots?
Cheat-o's
What is it called when a basketball player from Boston attacks you in the ocean?
A Shaq attack
What could the Boston Marathon b**... do that h**... couldn't?
End a race.
I'm going to start a business in India,
but have technical support staff in Boston. See how those b**... like it.
Boston's dead crows
On interstate I-95 running from Boston to New Hampshire they had a problem with crows being hit by vehicles. They were being killed by the hundreds. They hired a professor from MIT to figure out why so many crows were being hit. He discovered that when crows land to feed, they leave one crow in the tree to watch for danger. They found out that the Boston crows could say caw caw but they couldn't say truck truck .
What do you call thrift shopping in Boston?
Good Will hunting
What did the boston marathon b**... accomplish that h**... could not?
They ended a race...
Okay, Lama spelled with one 'L' is a holy man in Tibet. With two 'L's, a llama is a South American pack animal.
So, what is a three 'L' lama?
A big fire in Boston.
What do you call a moody chemist from Boston?
Bismuth Polonium Lanthanum
What's the difference between h**... and the Boston b**...?
The b**... knew how to end a race.
Many years ago, an Irish cop was walking his beat in Boston
He sees a rabbi pull to a complete stop at a stop sign, only to get rear-ended moments later. The officer goes up to the rabbi's car and says "Don't worry, I saw everything." He walks over to the car that rear-ended the rabbi only to find a Catholic priest as the driver. The police officer looks at him and says "Ok Father, how fast was the car going when he backed into you?"
People from Boston will never forget that Shaquille O'Neal is hosting Shark Week this year.
They love Shaq Week.
When I met the Boston Strangler...
I got all chocked up
What do a chicken and a Boston dog have in common?
They both bawk!
A new study has found that 98% of vehicular collisions with crows in Boston involve trucks and other large vehicles
Apparently they can all yell cah, cah, but not bus, bus.
A r**... h**... joke
What did the Boston Marathon b**... do that h**... couldn't?
End a race.
I killed the Boston Strangler and took his jewelry stash
Thanks for the gold kind strangler!
What protest by a group of dogs occurred in 1773?
The Boston Flea Party!
A woman accidentally locked her keys in her car and was pacing frantically on the side of the street, when a soldier from Boston passing by saw this and assured her that he could help. She looked on in amazement as he removed his trousers, rolled them into a tight ball...
...and rubbed them against the car door.
Magically, it opened!!
"That's incredible!!" the woman gasped. "How did you do it?"
"Easy..." replied the soldier. "These are my khakis."
