The Best 66 Boss Jokes

This article contains boss jokes that will make you laugh out loud. If you're looking for a good laugh, then this is the article for you!

Top 10 Funniest Boss Jokes and Puns

My boss: You're fired.

Me: *turns in gun and badge*

My boss: You're a waiter where did you get those

Man says to his boss Can we talk? I have a problem.

Boss says Problem? No such thing, we call it an opportunity!

Man says Ok I have a serious drinking opportunity.

I called work this morning and whispered, "Sorry boss, I can't come in today. I have a wee cough." He exclaimed, "You have a wee cough!?"

I said, "Really?! Thanks boss, see you next week!"

I told my boss that three companies were after me and I need a raise....

My boss asked what companies?

Gas, water and electricity.

jokes about boss

My boss pulled up to work today in his brand new Lincoln

As he got out of the car, I said to him "wow, that's a nice car!" He notices my admiration and says "Well, you know what? If you work hard, and put in the hours, I'll have an even better one next year."

Sick day.

A man calls his boss and tells him he won't be coming in to work today because he's not feeling well. The boss says, "Well we really need you today. Whenever I'm feeling sick I tell my wife to give me a blow job. Works every time. Why don't you try that and then see how you feel."

He calls back an hour later and says, "Just letting you know, I'm on my way to work. I feel great now. And by the way, you have a nice house."

I was reading my emails...

The other day I was reading my emails and there was one from my boss, it said;

"Mr. Morgan I regret to inform you that although I thought this company could tolerate your ADD, I'm afraid you're just not productive enough. You may turn up Wednesday to collect your things. I sincerely hope you will be OK."

And I thought to myself, doesn't OK look like a sideways person?

Boss joke, I was reading my emails...

I got fired from my job as a massage therapist

My boss said I rubbed people the wrong way.

"Where do you want this big roll of bubble wrap?" I asked my boss.

"Just pop it in the corner," he said.

It took me three hours.

Last day of work...(nsfw)

I called my boss and asked him "What's the difference between this morning and your daughter?" Just as he was about to reply I cut him off and said "I'm not coming in this morning."

Layoffs

The boss has to lay off one person from his department and he's narrowed the choice down to Ann or Jack. First he invites Ann in.
The boss says "I have a problem, I have to lay you or Jack off"
"You better jack off, I've got a headache"

You can explore boss supervisor reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean boss head dad jokes. There are also boss puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.

IT guy

John is being shown around the office by his new boss. They enter the IT department and John sees a man using two keyboards at once. "That's incredible", says John. "Trust a geek to use two keyboards at once". "Hey!" replied his boss. "That's stereotyping. "

My boss, who is a fit woman, caught me in the shower room after work.

She said to me "Would you mind taking my blouse off?"
I replied, "Certainly," and took it off.
Then she turned around and said, "Would you take my skirt off too?" So I removed that as well.
Then she finally asked me to take her underwear off, so I did that too.
Then she looked at me and said, "If I ever catch you wearing my clothes again, you're fired"

My boss was honest with me today.

He pulled up to work with his sweet new car this morning and I complimented him on it. He replied, "Well, if you work hard, set goals, stay determined and put in long hours, I can get an even better one next year."

Chinese Sick Day

Ho Chow calls in to work and say,

"Hey boss, I no come work today, I very sick. Got headache, stomach ache, and legs hurt. I no come work today"

The boss says, "You know something Ho Chow, I really need you today. When I get sick like you do, I go to my wife and ask for sex. That make everything better and I go to work. You try that."

Two hours later ho Chow calls again and says,

"I try what you say and I feel great! I be at work soon. You have really nice house by the way!"

I told my boss I needed a raise to stay at work because there are three different companies showing interest in me...

He asked me which companies and I told him, "The gas, electric, and cable ones"

Boss joke, I told my boss I needed a raise to stay at work because there are three different companies showing

Sheep

At the end of the day, a border collie reported back to the grazier, "All fifty sheep accounted for, boss!"

"Wait, I only have 48 sheep!" he replied.

"I know," said the dog, "but I rounded them up."

A man walks into the bar...

The bartender: "Hi Dave!"

The boss faints.

Boss perv

I sit at work today drinking Coke, doing some stuff with Excel tables when suddenly my boss puts his hand into my pants, jerks me off, and then goes back to his previous work like nothing happened. Being self employed has its positives.

My boss said to me, "you're the worst train driver ever. How many have you derailed this year?"

I said, "I'm not sure; it's hard to keep track."

a guy got an Interview for a job with EA

Boss: the second part of your resume is missing

Applicant: for the second part you have to pay 20$

Boss: welcome on board

After an altercation with my boss, I decided to leave my job at the helium factory.

I refuse to be spoken to in that tone of voice.

Chinese man calls in sick

Ho Chow calls in work and say, "Hey, I no come work today. I really sick, got headache, stomach ache and legs hurt, I no come to work."

The boss says, "You know what Ho, I really need you today. When I feel sick like you do, I go to my wife and ask her for sex. That makes everything better and I go to work. You try that."

Two hours later Ho Chow calls again. "I do what you say and I feel great. I be at work soon. You got nice house."

My boss hates it when I shorten his name to Dick…

Mostly because his name is Steve…

The boss of a small company has two employees, Jack and Jill…

Just recently the company has been doing badly, so the boss decides one of them must go.

Arriving at his office on Monday, the first person he sees is Jill, so he asks her to step into his office and explains his dilemma.

"Look Jill, I'm afraid I'm going to have to lay you or Jack off."

Jill replies, "You'll have to jack off then, 'cause I've got a headache."

I asked my boss "what's the difference between your wife and tomorrow?"

"I'm not coming in tomorrow"


Haven't seen this one here so if it's been posted before I'm sorry

Boss joke, I asked my boss "what's the difference between your wife and tomorrow?"

BOSS: I've called you here because I suspect one of you

is an owl?

ME: Who?

*everyone stares at me, even Gary whose head is turned 180Β°*

My boss arrived at work in a brand-new Lamborghini.

I said, "Wow, that's an amazing car!"

He replied, "If you work hard, put all your hours in, and strive for excellence, I'll get another one next year".

I was in a Uber today and the driver said,

"I love my job, I'm my own boss.
Nobody tells me what to do…"

Then I said "turn left"

"I love my job!" said the farmer

"All you do is boss me around all day!" said one of his sheep.

"What did you say?" said the farmer.

"You herd me."

BOSS: What's going on here?

BOSS: What's going on here?

JAMES: Dave's mad because he specifically labelled his sandwich in the fridge and I accidentally-

DAVE: Not accidentally, on purpose!!

JAMES: ugh ok FINE. And I, "on purpose", slept with his wife

I asked my boss, Can I have a few days off seeing as it's so close to Christmas?

He said, It's May.

Sorry. , I replied, May I have a few days off seeing as it's so close to Christmas?

I asked my boss if I can come to work a little late today

He said Dream on. I think that was really nice of him.

My boss is going to fire the employee with the worst posture.

I have a hunch, it might be me.

I got fired from the unemployment office on Friday.

My boss said, Clean our your desk, and I'll see you in the office on Monday.

I quit my job to start a cloning business and it's been great,

I love being my own boss.

My boss fired me for making too many Asian jokes

It was the end of my Korea

My boss really hates it when I shorten his name to Dick…

Mostly because his name is Steve…

A small joke I remembered

Boss: if I find you sleeping on the job one more time, you're fired!

Employee: sorry boss

Boss: ok, now go and do the sheep inventory

Employee: oh no

An Englishman, a Frenchman, a Spaniard, and a Dutchman are all on a zoom call.

The four men are all on a zoom call with their boss. Their boss asks Can you see me? and they respond

Yes

Oui

Si

Ja

A guy phones up his Boss, but gets the bosses' wife instead: "I'm afraid he died last week," she explains.

The next day the man calls again and asks for the boss. "I told you," the wife replies, "he died last week." The day after he calls again and once more asks to speak to his boss. By this time the wife is getting upset and shouts: "I'VE ALREADY TOLD YOU TWICE, MY HUSBAND, YOUR BOSS, DIED LAST WEEK! WHY DO YOU KEEP CALLING?"

"Cos" He replies laughing, "I just love hearing it..."

Boss: Why do you-

Me: *sshhh*

Boss: What is your biggest wea-

Me: *sshhh*

Boss: (whispering) you're hired. Welcome to the library.

What do you call the boss at Old McDonald's Farm ?

The CIEIO

*Phone rings at work*

Boss: Why don't you answer it?

Me: I'll let it ring for a while. That way they'll think I have other stuff to do than talk on the phone.

Boss: ANSWER IT GODDAMMIT!

Me: 911, what's the emergency?

A Collie was talking about how hard he works on the farm where he lives.

A nearby sheep piped up 'YOU don't work hard, all you do is boss US around.' 'WHAT DID YOU SAY' shouted the collie. 'You herd me' the sheep replied

​

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My boss calls me "the computer"

Nothing to do with intelligence,
I go to sleep if left unattended for 15 minutes

EDIT thank you all so much this is my first ever post to hit 1k upvotes and get awards
2nd edit wow 3k this post has blown out my previous record of 789 out of the water thank you so much

I told my boss that three companies were after me, so I needed a raise in pay to stay in my current job. He asked which companies?

I told him the gas, electric, and phone companies.

Boss: This is the third time you've been late for work this week. Do you know what that means?

Me: That it's only Wednesday

My boss calls me "The computer"

Not because of my calculation skills but because I go to sleep when left unattended for 15 minutes.

A man and a woman are talking in the office.

The man says: "I'm so tired from working, I wish I could get a day off."

The woman replies: "Don't worry, I have a way of doing that. Just watch me."

The woman proceeds to hang from a pipe.

Suddenly, the boss walks in a says: "What in the world are you doing?"

The woman replies: "I'm a light bulb."

The boss then says: "You must've gone crazy from all that working, you can take the day off."

The woman leaves. The man follows.

The boss asks the man: "Where are you going?"

The man then replies: "I'm going home. I can't work in the dark."

Two guys were in an English pub.

They called the publican over to settle an argument.

"Are there two pints in a quart or four?" asked one.

"There are two pints in a quart" confirmed the publican.

They moved back along the bar and soon the barmaid asked for their order.

"Two pints miss, and they are on the house."

The barmaid doubted that her boss would be so generous, so one of the guys called out to the publican at the other end of the bar, "You did say two pints, didn't you?"

"That's right," he called back, "two pints."

I was painting my nails earlier when I heard my boss yell at me from across the room.

He said For fuck's sake, will you stop painting the damn things and just hammer them into the damn wall

My boss arrived at work in a brand new Lamborghini. I said wow that's an amazing car.

If you work hard, put all your hours in, and strive for excellence, I'll get another one next year.

A man says to his boss, "Can we talk? I have a problem."

The boss exclaims, "Problem? There is no such thing. We call it an opportunity!"

The man says, "Okay then. I have a serious drinking opportunity."

The maid asked her boss, the wife for a raise, and the wife was upset.

The wife asked "Why do you think you deserve a pay increase?"

Maid: "There are three reasons. The first is that I iron better than you."

Wife: "Who said that?"

Maid: "Your husband."

Wife: "Oh."

Maid: "The second reason is that I am a better cook than you."

Wife: "Who said that?"

Maid: "Your husband."

Wife: "Oh."

Maid: "The third reason is that I am better at sex than you."

Wife: "Did my husband say that as well?"

Maid: "No, the gardener did."

Wife: "So how much do you want?"

A boss tells his new employee, "I'll give you 15bucks an hour starting today and in three months….,

I'll raise it to 18bucks an hour. So when would you like to start?"

"In 3 months," the employee replies.

I asked my boss for a raise.

He said what for?

I told him 3 different companies are after me. He asked which ones?

I said: Gas, Water, and Electric.

My Boss calls me 'the computer'

Nothing to do with my intelligence, I go to sleep if left unattended for 15 minutes.

Dog

A salesman drops in to see a business customer. Not a soul is in the office except a big dog emptying wastebaskets. The salesman stares at the animal, wondering if his imagination could be playing tricks on him. The dog looks up and says, Don't be surprised. This is just part of my job. Incredible! exclaims the man. I can't believe it. Does your boss know what a prize he has in you? An animal that can talk! Please don't tell him! pleads the dog. If that man finds out I can talk, he'll make me answer the phone too.

While playing blackjack at my local casino, the pit boss came up to me and asked what the count was.

I replied "he's a purple Muppet with pointy teeth, but that's not important right now."

One day, when it was raining heavily, my boss asked me to water the plants outside the office.

I looked at him, puzzled, and said, But, sir, it's raining!

He replied, Then take an umbrella and water the plants.

I Finally killed the Spaghetti guardian boss.

He pasta-way

Got a new job as a garbage man but I was worried as there's no training.

The boss said I'll pick it up as I go.

By working faithfully eight hours a day,

you may get to be a boss and work twelve hours a day.

I asked my boss for a raise...

He bought me an adjustable chair

A University of Alabama graduate gets a job

He shows up to his first day of work, and the boss hands him a mop and a bucket.

"Hey! I will have you know I'm a graduate of the University of Alabama!"

"Oh, I'm sorry," the boss said, "let me show you how to use those."

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the boss work puns are supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working boss bossy piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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