Boss Day Jokes
101 boss day jokes and hilarious boss day puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about boss day that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Boss Day Short Jokes
Short boss day jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The boss day humour may include short bosses day jokes also.
- I asked my boss, Can I have a few days off seeing as it's so close to Christmas? He said, It's May.
Sorry. , I replied, May I have a few days off seeing as it's so close to Christmas? - "I love my job!" said the farmer "All you do is boss me around all day!" said one of his sheep.
"What did you say?" said the farmer.
"You herd me." - Me: Can I have a few extra days off before Christmas?" Boss: It's May.
Me: Sorry, may I have a few days off before Christmas? - Really wanted the day off, so I texted my boss... "What's the difference between this morning and your daughter?"
I'm not coming in this morning.
(I got some time off now) - First day on the new job, Boss says "We're going to give a drug test" and I said "Great, I know all about drugs."
- I lost my job at the calendar factory. My boss said it was unacceptable that I'd taken a few days off.
- I took a cab the other day,and the driver told me, I love my job; I own this car; I have got my own business; I am my own boss; NO ONE tells me what to do. I said, Turn left here mate.
- My boss pulled me aside at work one day And said you're a high functioning alcoholic, I asked him how he knew that I was also high
- As I was leaving work for the day, my boss tried to get me to stay back and finish a report. I told him it sounded like a job for Tom. Tom Orrow.
- Boss: this is your third day coming in late this week. Do you know what that means? Employee: it means today is Wednesday
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Boss Day One Liners
Which boss day one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with boss day? I can suggest the ones about workers day and boss employee.
- My boss told me to have a good day so I went home.
- My boss told me to have a good day So I left.
- My boss said, "Have a good day"... So I went home.
- When I got to work this morning, my boss told me, Have a great day! So I went home
- I've decided to adopt a 4 day work week I really hope my boss doesn't find out.
- TIFU by sleeping with my boss I should be getting a promotion any day now.
- My boss just fired me for taking a day off! I'll miss my friends at the calendar factory.
- Sorry I yelled 'YOU'RE NOT THE BOSS OF ME'... when you said, 'Have a good day, honey.'
Experience Instant Grins & Giggles with Playful Boss Day Jokes
What funny jokes about boss day you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean teacher day jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make boss day pranks.
A man and his boss are playing golf...
one weekend when a f**... procession goes past. The man takes off his hat and stands silently with eyes downcast. He doesn't move until the procession is out of sight. The man's boss, an elderly gentleman, approves. "You don't often see respect like that much among you young folk these days" he says as they resume their game.
"Well, I thought it was only right." Replies the man. "After all, we'd been married for ten years."
Show it who's boss.
You could spend hours, days, or weeks desperately over analyzing it. You could sit there forever trying to put the pieces back together. Or you you can throw that puzzle on the ground and show it who's boss.
Sick day.
A man calls his boss and tells him he won't be coming in to work today because he's not feeling well. The boss says, "Well we really need you today. Whenever I'm feeling sick I tell my wife to give me a b**.... Works every time. Why don't you try that and then see how you feel."
He calls back an hour later and says, "Just letting you know, I'm on my way to work. I feel great now. And by the way, you have a nice house."
I was reading my emails...
The other day I was reading my emails and there was one from my boss, it said;
"Mr. Morgan I regret to inform you that although I thought this company could tolerate your ADD, I'm afraid you're just not productive enough. You may turn up Wednesday to collect your things. I sincerely hope you will be OK."
And I thought to myself, doesn't OK look like a sideways person?
My boss phoned me today...
My boss phoned me today. He said
"Is everything OK at the office?"
I said "It is all under control.
" It's been a very busy day. I haven't stopped to take
a break all day."
"Can you do me a favor" he asked.
I said "Of course, What is it?"
"Pick up the pace a little. I'm in the
f**... behind you."
A Texas Salesman
A young guy from Texas moves to California and goes to a big department store looking for a job.
The manager asks him, "Do you have any sales experience?"
"Yeah, I was a salesman back home in Texas."
Well, the boss liked the kid, so he gave him the job. "You start tomorrow. I'll come down after we close and see how you did."
His first day on the job was rough but he got through it. After the store was locked up, the boss came down. "How many sales did you make today?"
"One."
"Just one? Our sales people average 20 or 30 sales a day. How much was the sale for?"
"$79,237.64."
His boss is astounded. "$79,237.64? What did you sell him?"
"Well, first I sold him a small fish hook. Then I sold him a medium fish hook. Then I sold him a larger fish hook. Then I sold him a new fishing rod. Then I asked him where he was going fishing, and he said down at the coast, so I told him he was gonna need a boat, so we went down to the boat department, and I sold him that twin engine SeaRay. Then he said he didn't think his Honda Civic would pull it, so I took him down to the automotive department and sold him that 4X4 Suburban."
The boss said, "A guy came in here to buy a fish hook and you sold him a boat and truck?"
The young man replied, "No, he came in here to buy a box of tampons for his wife, and I said, 'Well, since your weekend's shot, you might as well go fishing.'"
Last day of work...(n**...)
I called my boss and asked him "What's the difference between this morning and your daughter?" Just as he was about to reply I cut him off and said "I'm not coming in this morning."
Calling in sick from work
A man is calling in sick from work and says to his boss, sorry boss, I can't come into work I'm feeling sick. His boss replies, I'm sorry to hear that. Whenever I feel sick I have s**... with my wife and usually feel better. You should try it. The man agrees and calls him back later that day. He says you were right. I do feel better and your house is really nice.
Untitled
A worker goes up to his boss and asks:
Worker: Hey, sir, I'm having a kid, can I have the day off?
Boss:Sure go ahead
The next day, the worker comes in and the boss asks:
Boss: Hey! Is it a boy or a girl?
To which the worker replies:
"I don't know, but I will tell you in nine months."
Mafia florists
Some Italian mafia members own a florist shop in a city. Theirs is the only florist is the area, and so they control most of the flower business in the area.
One day, however, another florist shop opens up across the street. Afraid for their business, the mafia send one of theirs to rustle the place up, maybe scare them off. But he comes back to report that the florists are all friars! Being devout Catholics, they can't mess with the good friars.
The mafia boss has a solution. He turns to a guy named Hugh.
"Hey Hugh, you're atheist, right?"
"Yes."
"You you'll have no qualms about shaking up that flower shop?"
"I don't see why I would, boss."
Then he puts his hand on Hugh's shoulder, turns to the rest of the group, and says,
"Only Hugh can prevent florist friars."
Need a Break!
I urgently needed a few days off work, but, I knew the Boss would not allow me to take leave. I thought that I would do something crazy. So I hung upside-down on the ceiling and made funny noises. My co-worker asked me what I was doing. I told him that I was pretending to be a light bulb so that the Boss might think I was 'Crazy' and give me a few days off.
A few minutes later the boss came into the office and asked, "What in the name of good GOD are you doing?"
I told him I was a light bulb.
He said, "You are clearly stressed out. Go home and recuperate for a couple of days."
I jumped down and walked out of the office....
When my co-worker followed me, the Boss asked him, "And where do you think you're going?"
He replied, "I'm going home, too. I can't work in the dark!"
A crying blond
A blond goes into work crying her eyes out,her boss asks her whats wrong,she tells him that her mom died,the boss tells her that its ok for her not to come to work,but she disagrees and says that she needs to work to put her mind of it.As the day goes by she feels better,later she received a phone call and starts screaming and crying,when the boss came and asked her whats wrong she says: "That was my sister,HER MOM DIED TOO!"
p**... the irishman gets a job
p**... and his friend were hired to install telegraph poles.
After his first day his boss approaches and asks how many poles he put down yesterday.
p**... says "2"
"2!!" says his boss, "My other guys can put 10-15 poles in a day"
"yes, but do you see how far theirs are sticking out of the ground"
My dad got carpal tunnel syndrome from being on a keyboard in an office all day.
It got so bad his boss made him get rid of the piano.
Chinese Sick Day
h**... Chow calls in to work and say,
"Hey boss, I no come work today, I very sick. Got headache, stomach ache, and legs hurt. I no come work today"
The boss says, "You know something h**... Chow, I really need you today. When I get sick like you do, I go to my wife and ask for s**.... That make everything better and I go to work. You try that."
Two hours later h**... Chow calls again and says,
"I try what you say and I feel great! I be at work soon. You have really nice house by the way!"
New job.
A nigerian man got a job at US, on his first day he shows up late for work. His boss yells, "You
should have been here at 8.30!" The man replies,
"Why? What happened at 8.30?"
The carpenter walks up to his boss..
.. and asks for tomorrow off as his wife is going to have a baby.
The boss gives him the day off.
Two days later the boss asks the carpenter if it was a boy or a girl.
The carpenter replies "we'll see in 9 months"
A genie gives a man three wishes...
One day a man was waking along the beach when he tripped over a lamp. He turned around and kicked the lamp out of anger. A few seconds later, a genie popped out of the lamp.
Reluctantly, the genie said, "Even though you kicked me, I still have to give you three wishes. However, because of what you did, I will also give twice what you wish for to the person you hate the most: your boss."
So the man agreed and made his first wish. "I want lots of money", he said. Instantly 22 million dollars appeared in the man's bank account and 44 million appeared in his boss' account.
For his second wish, the man wished for a couple of sports cars. Instantly a Lamborghini, Ferrari and Porsche appeared. At the same time two of each car appeared outside of his boss' house.
Finally the genie said, "This is your last wish, you should choose carefully," and to this the man replied, "I've always wanted to donate a kidney..."
Classroom Nerd
(In a high school class room)
Girl: Do you see that F@#$ING nerd over there.
Teacher: Don't be so mean, he could be your boss one day.
Nerd: Sorry I don't plan on being a p**...
Sheep
At the end of the day, a border collie reported back to the grazier, "All fifty sheep accounted for, boss!"
"Wait, I only have 48 sheep!" he replied.
"I know," said the dog, "but I rounded them up."
Two factory workers are talking.
Two factory workers are talking. The woman says, "I can make the boss give me the day off."
The man replies, "And how would you do that?"
The woman says, "Just wait and see." She then hangs upside-down from the ceiling.
The boss comes in and says, "What are you doing?"
The woman replies, "I'm a light bulb."
The boss then says, "You've been working so much that you've gone crazy. I think you need to take the day off."
The man starts to follow her and the boss says, "Where are you going?"
The man says, "I'm going home, too. I can't work in the dark."
The wife of my boss
A guy phones up his Boss, but gets the boss's' wife instead.
"I'm afraid he died last week." she explains.
The next day the man calls again and asks for the boss. "I told you" the wife replies, "he died last week."
The next day, he calls again and once more asks to speak to his boss. By this time the wife is getting upset and shouts, "I'VE ALREADY TOLD YOU TWICE, MY HUSBAND, YOUR BOSS, DIED LAST WEEK! WHY DO YOU KEEP CALLING?!"
"Coz," he replied laughing, "I just love hearing it..."
Here's one for you recent graduates.
A college grad decides to get a job at a hardware store for the summer. He shows up on his first day of work and his boss hands him a broom.
"Here, your first task is to sweep out all the aisles. After that, I'll show you where the rest of the cleaning supplies are."
The grad looks at the broom and says to his boss, "I don't think you understand, I'm a college graduate."
His boss replies, "Oh, no problem. I can show you how to use a broom."
These days my boss has been getting on my nerves. See I'm a brick layer and he is always yelling to layer the bricks faster and faster...
These days everyone wants instant stratification.
Misty's boss says to her: "You've been late to work for 5 days straight! You know what this means, don't you?" .....
...to which Misty replied "I SURE do! It means today must be FRIDAY!!!"
An man shows up for his first day of work at a strict anti-racist organization. He notices his asian boss has very dirty glasses ...
"How can you even see with those?"
"You're fired."
A Blond goes to work in tears.
A blonde goes to work in tears. Her boss asks, "What's wrong?"
She says, "My mom died."
He told her to go home, but she said, "No, I'll be fine."
Later that day, her boss finds her crying again. He says, "What's wrong?"
She replies, "I just talked to my sister, and her mom died, too!"
My boss let me have a day off work because my wife was having a baby
The next day he asked me if it was a boy or a girl, I said i'd tell him in about 9 months
Boss sent me a message the other day
Boss sent me a message the other day: *Send me some funny messages*
I replied: *I'm working right now, I will send you later*
Boss: *hahaha..send me another one*
A man asks his boss for the day off...
"I must take today off sir, I am going to be a father"
The boss says sure and congratulates him
The next day the man comes back to work and meets his boss
"So do you have a baby boy or girl now?" The boss asks
The man says, "I don't know, ask me again in 9 months"
As I'm walking in to work this morning my boss told me to "Have a good day"
Who am i to argue? Thanked him and came straight back home
A man wakes up one morning to find that he's grown a thick beard and is wearing a turban....
He, being very concerned and disoriented, calls his boss in order to see if he can get the day off.
Man: "Boss, I just woke up with a turban and a long, thick beard. I think I need a day to figure things out."
Boss: " So what are you saying....?"
Man: "I'm calling in Sikh."
TIFU by sleeping with the bosses daughter
He caught us red-handed, the following day
I was let go for performance reasons.
I asked my boss
I asked my new boss why she wasn't wearing any green today. She told me she didn't feel right celebrating St. p**...'s day since she didn't have an Irish bone in her body. I asked her if she wanted one.
Know anyone hiring?
The boss came early in the morning one day and found his manager kissing his secretary and he shouted at him...
Boss - "Is this what I pay you for?"
The manager - "No, sir, this I do free of charge."
My Jewish boss offered me Friday and Monday off work if I convert.
So it's four days off or f**... on.
A guy starts his first day at a bakery...
The boss says, "We're a healthy, whole-food bakery, so we put vegetables in every type of bread that we make." He shows the new guy to the back room, where there are rows of file cabinets with pictures of vegetables on them.
"Here's where we keep the carrot dough," the boss says, opening a file drawer with a picture of a carrot on it. "And here's the zucchini dough."
"But what's this one with the picture of Kevin Spacey on it?" The new guy asks.
"Oh," the boss responds, "That's the pea dough file."
A blonde...
...works in a petrol station filling up cars. One day, a spaceship with 'UFO' written on the side lands next to the blonde. The blonde cheerfully fills it with fuel and the spaceship flied off.
The blonde's boss, shocked, comes out to ask why she filled it up.
"Do you know what 'UFO' stands for?" He asks.
"Of course." She replies, "Unleaded Fuel Only".
credits to u/Mr-Everest
My boss is a doctor...
and the other day he came down on me for leaving a patients file on my desk while i went to the restroom. This was only days after he accidentally used unencrypted email to send other patients' records through our office.
So I called him a HIPAA-crit
A guy's boss who is traveling calls him and asks, "Is everything okay at the office?"
"Yes, it's all under control. It's been a very busy day, I haven't stopped."
"Can you do me a favor?"
"Of course, what is it?"
"Hurry up and take your shot, I'm behind you on the 7th hole."
Assistant and Boss
Assistant: "Sir, can I have a day off next week to visit my mother-in-law?"
Boss: "Certainly not!"
Assistant: "Thank you so much sir! I knew you would be understanding."
Hey Boss, can I take the day off work? I am going to be a father.
Boss: Of course
*Next day
Boss: so is the baby a boy or a girl?
Me: I'll let you know in 9 months!
The best bet ever made
One day, a man went to his boss and said, "I bet you $2,000 that I can pee in that cup over there 30m away". The boss replied, "Deal!". The man proceeded to pee all over the floor. The boss is dancing with joy, as the secretary walks in and says "F*c**...". "What?" asks the boss. "HE BET ME $400,000 THAT HE WOULD PEE ALL OVER YOUR FLOOR AND YOU'D BE HAPPY ABOUT IT!"
They say if you do what you love, then you'll never work another day in your life.
I think they were right: I punched my boss in the face and I haven't worked a day since!
I nearly lost my job as a roofer when I was caught m**... on the first day,
luckily my boss said I could wipe the slate clean.
I went for an interview for a labouring job
The boss said starting pay is £60 a day, and after six months it goes up to £80. When do you want to start?
I said in 6 months
Guy A calls guy B
Guy A tells guy B, "I bet you I can get us the day off at work tommorow," so Guy A tells him that plan.l
The next day guy A goes to work and goes on the roof
The boss walks in and asks him what he's doing, guy A says "I'm a light bulb!"
The boss tells him that he's been working too hard and has gone crazy and tells him to go home
Guy B follows guy A out but the boss stops and says, "what are you doing?"
Guy B says, "I can't work in the dark!"
A man joins the mob and becomes the personal assistant to the Godfather
One day he receives a text message from the boss. "I've been having problems with my wife. Please pull the plug and then call someone in to take care of the matter."
The man knows better than to question the Godfather, so he dutifully carries out the command. He shoots the boss's wife, and then calls in the clean up crew.
But a short while later, he receives another message. "s**... autocorrect. I meant wifi."
Harry was finally a groom and was very excited about his upcoming marriage.
He was on his way out of the office when his boss came over to him.
Congratulations Harry, his boss said. I just wanted to tell you I've been married for 22 years, and I'm sure that you will always remember this day with the fondest of memories, as the happiest day of your life.
But, I'm not getting married until tomorrow, Harry said.
Yeah I know, his boss said.
A guy goes to a department store and sees a display of thermoses...
"What is this thing?" he asks the sales rep. "Why that's a thermos, it keeps hot stuff hot and cold stuff cold." "Oh neat!" the guy says, "I'll take one!" The next day he goes to work with his new thermos under his arm. His boss sees him and says "Hey what is that you got there?" The guys says, "It's a thermos, it keeps hot stuff hot and cold stuff cold." "Wow that's awesome," his boss asks, "What do you have in there?" The guy answers, "Two cups of coffee and a popsicle."
I love my job! exclaimed the farmer. All you do is boss me around all day! complained one of his sheep. What did you say? challenged the farmer. The sheep glared back and growled...
You herd me.
A guy phones up his Boss, but gets the bosses' wife instead: "I'm afraid he died last week," she explains.
The next day the man calls again and asks for the boss. "I told you," the wife replies, "he died last week." The day after he calls again and once more asks to speak to his boss. By this time the wife is getting upset and shouts: "I'VE ALREADY TOLD YOU TWICE, MY HUSBAND, YOUR BOSS, DIED LAST WEEK! WHY DO YOU KEEP CALLING?"
"Cos" He replies laughing, "I just love hearing it..."
A truck carrying cows and a truck carrying cannabis get into a car accident.
Neither party can agree on who's fault the accident was, so they hire a detective. This is the detective's first day on the job and his boss tells him, If you can solve this case you get a promotion, however if you fail you will be fired. The steaks are high.
An employee sees his boss arrive at work one day in a brand new Lamborghini.
The employee goes out to the car park and says to his boss Wow that's an amazing car! I wish I had one just like it, that must have cost you a pretty penny!
The boss stands up, looks the employee in the face and says Yes, it did. And do you know something? Next year, if you work really hard, and you do your overtime, and you save your pennies, and you do your absolute best then maybe...
The employee, mystified and excited for what comes next, says yes...
The boss looks into the employees eyes and says then maybe... I'll have another one next year.
I asked my boss if I can have the day off due to severe constipation
He said no because I'm full of s**...
I took a sick day and lied that I had constipation
My boss bought it and even said he hopes I get well soon and stop being so full of s**...
The Blond Secretary
One day the boss walks in and see's his blonde secretary sobbing on the phone He asked " What's wrong" she replied " My mother just died" he says " maybe you should take the day off" But she stayed at work a couple hours later he walks out and see's his secretary is balling again and he says " what's the matter now?" She says " I just found out my sisters mother died too!!"
I saw my boss pull up in a brand new corvette
I said "wow that's a really nice car, boss!" He told me "thanks, and just remember you keep working hard every day and I'll be able to buy a second one!"
Dave knows everyone joke
Dave was bragging to his boss one day, “You know, I know everyone there is to know. Just name someone, anyone, and I know them.”
Tired of his boasting, his boss called his bluff, “OK, Dave, how about Tom Cruise?”
“No dramas boss, Tom and I are old friends, and I can prove it.” So Dave and his boss fly out to Hollywood and knock on Tom Cruise’s door, and Tom Cruise shouts,
“Dave! What’s happening? Great to see you! Come on in for a beer!”
Although impressed, Dave’s boss is still skeptical. After they leave Cruise’s house, he tells Dave that he thinks him knowing Cruise was just lucky.
“No, no, just name anyone else,” Dave says.
“President Obama,” his boss quickly retorts.
“Yup,” Dave says, “Old buddies, let’s fly out to Washington,” and off they go.
At the White House, Obama spots Dave on the tour and motions him and his boss over, saying, “Dave, what a surprise, I was just on my way to a meeting, but you and your friend come on in and let’s have a beer first and catch up.”
Well, the boss is very shaken by now but still not totally convinced. After they leave the White House grounds he expresses his doubts to Dave, who again implores him to name anyone else.
“Pope Francis,” his boss replies.
“Sure!” says Dave. “I’ve known the Pope for years.” So off they fly to Rome.
Dave and his boss are assembled with the masses at the Vatican’s St. Peter’s Square when Dave says, “This will never work. I can’t catch the Pope’s eye among all these people. Tell you what, I know all the guards so let me just go upstairs and I’ll come out on the balcony with the Pope.” He disappears into the crowd headed towards the Vatican.
Sure enough, half an hour later Dave emerges with the Pope on the balcony, but by the time Dave returns, he finds that his boss has had a heart attack and is surrounded by paramedics.
Making his way to his boss’ side, Dave asks him, “What happened?”
His boss looks up and says, “It was the final straw… you and the Pope came out on to the balcony and the man next to me said, ‘Who the f**... is that on the balcony with Dave?’
My boss asked me why I only get sick on work days
I said it must be my weekend immune system
A man goes to a bar, and constantly orders whiskey all night so the bartender asks him what's wrong.
A man goes to a bar, and constantly orders whiskey all night so the bartender asks him what's wrong.
"I've just found out my brother is gay and he's getting to my best friend"
The next day the man goes back to the bar and does the same thing as the day before, and again the bartender asks him what's wrong.
"I've just found out my son is gay and is sleeping with my boss"
On the third day, before the man orders his whiskey the bartender asks "does anyone in your family like women?"
The man replies "Yeah, my wife".
A Day Off
An man goes to see his boss..
Boss, he says, we're doing some heavy house-cleaning tomorrow before my mother-in-law arrives for Christmas. My wife needs me to help with cleaning, moving and hauling stuff.
COVID has us short-handed, the boss replies. I can't afford to give anyone a day off.
The man says, Thanks boss, I knew I could count on you!
I walked in on my boss m**... the other day.
He told me to quit m**... and get the h**... out of his office.
The janitor had trouble with his broom
After days of frustration he went to his boss and demanded sweeping reforms
A boss calls a meeting to discuss employees taking sick days when they aren't sick.
He had suspected that this had been happening, but he finally had his proof. He held up a copy of the newspaper, and in the sports section, there was an article about an employee, who had supposedly been sick, winning a golf tournament.
Wow said someone in the back. Imagine the score he could've gotten if he wasn't sick
A farmer was sitting in his barn. After a long day he was admiring his work.
Farmer: I love my job
Sheep: Yeah cause all you do is boss us all day
The farmer not believing what just happened
Farmer: What did you just say..!?
Sheep: You herd us.
A man and a woman are talking in the office.
The man says: "I'm so tired from working, I wish I could get a day off."
The woman replies: "Don't worry, I have a way of doing that. Just watch me."
The woman proceeds to hang from a pipe.
Suddenly, the boss walks in a says: "What in the world are you doing?"
The woman replies: "I'm a light bulb."
The boss then says: "You must've gone crazy from all that working, you can take the day off."
The woman leaves. The man follows.
The boss asks the man: "Where are you going?"
The man then replies: "I'm going home. I can't work in the dark."
My first day at the casino I was late for work, my boss yelled at me, and they put me at a Blackjack table with no cards.
I looked at all the players and said "I can't deal with this. "
The other day a girl asked me if I like b**... or thighs. I told her I prefer bubble butts and a trimmed p**... with thin lips...
So I got kicked out of KFC.
