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Borrow Jokes

145 borrow jokes and hilarious borrow puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about borrow that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Are you looking for the perfect joke to share at a party? Look no further! This article has tips on how to borrow jokes that will get you laughs without having to come up with your own material. Learn how to borrow dad jokes, jokes about circumcising money, and more.

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Popular Borrow Short Jokes

Short borrow jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The borrow humour may include short loan jokes also.

  1. My girlfriend borrowed $100 from me. After 3years, when we separated, she returned exactly $100. I lost Interest in that relationship.
  2. When Trump borrows $1,000,000 from his dad it's a small loan But when he donates that much money to Texas, it's a yuuuge contribution
  3. Have a turkish joke A prisoner goes to the jail's library to borrow a book. The librarian says: "We don't have this book, but we have its author"
  4. I accidentally locked my key in my car in front of an abortion clinic... They gave me the dirtiest look when I went in and asked to borrow a coathanger.
  5. If anyone is alone this Christmas and has nobody to spend it with, please let me know.. I really need to borrow some chair
  6. TIL that Rick Astley will let you borrow any movie from his Pixar collection, except one. He's never gonna give you Up
  7. My girlfriend is always stealing my shirts and sweaters, but when I borrow a dress suddenly we "need to talk."
  8. If anyone is spending Christmas alone this year, please let me know. I need to borrow some chairs
  9. Rick Astley is such a nice guy He'll let you borrow any of his Disney Pixar DVD collection! Except Up!
    He's Never Gonna Give You Up
  10. How do you know your girlfriend is getting fat? She starts borrowing your wife's clothes...

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Borrow One Liners

Which borrow one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with borrow? I can suggest the ones about hire and rent.

  1. - Dad, can I borrow 10 pounds? - 15 pounds? Why do you need 20 pounds?
  2. CHRIS: Hey can I borrow a ten? KRISTEN: Sure
    CHRISTEN: Thanks!
    KRIS: Any time!
  3. I borrowed money from a pessimist because he doesn't expect me to pay him back
  4. Rick Astley will let you borrow any DVD from his Disney Pixar collection, except one.
  5. I dont even know what borrowing language is... But I'll take your word for it.
  6. What do you call it when a bison borrows money from you? A buffa*loan.*
  7. I borrowed a book from my dad about anti-gravity I couldn't put it down.
  8. I let a pasta chef borrow my car He returned it all denty.
  9. What did Ryu say to Ken when he asked if he could borrow his car? Shoryuken
  10. Can I borrow a kiss? I promise I'll give it back.
  11. If you want to be remembered when you die... Borrow money from everyone you know
  12. Sure, you can borrow my black and white fabric Just don't make a habit out of it
  13. What did Ken say to Ryu when he asked to borrow money? *SUREYOUCAN!!!*
  14. Can I borrow your cellphone? I need to call animal control cause I just saw a fox!
  15. Why was the borrowed money sad? It was a loan.

Borrow Money Jokes

Here is a list of funny borrow money jokes and even better borrow money puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • I let my blind friend borrow money He said he was gonna pay me back the next time he saw me...
  • Do you know the Greek version of Monopoly? It's called Monopoulos and you just borrow all the money from the bank.
    Everyone loses.
  • I let a blind man borrow some money the other day He said he'll pay me back the next time he saw me
  • Money money money A jewish boy said to his father, "Dad, can I borrow $50 dollars?" His father replied, "$40 dollars!? What do you need $30 dollars for!?"
  • A little Jewish boy asks his father if he can borrow 50 dollars. His dad says, "50 dollars?! Why the heck do you need 40 dollars? 30 dollars is a LOT of money!"
  • My homeboy Nick L. keeps borrowing money from my other homie Deion but I can't keep watching it happen... I'm too old to watch Nick L. owe Deion.
  • A Jewish kid asks his dad for money... The kid says to his dad, "Dad, I need to borrow fifty dollars."
    His dad replies, "Forty dollars! What do you wanna borrow thirty dollars for?!?!"
  • Two friends are talking... "I want to buy a tank!" "Buy it then." "But I don't have the money!" "Borrow it then." "But I don't have the money to pay it back!" "You'll have a tank by then."
  • If you don't want people to forget you then Borrow money from them and don't pay 'em back immediately.
    They'll be calling you more often.
  • Do you like my Russian leader puns? Ivan practicing.
    And if you need to borrow money I'll Lenin to you.
Borrow joke, Do you like my Russian leader puns?

Make fun with this list of one liners, jokes and riddles. Each joke is crafted with thought and creativity, delivering punchlines that are unexpected and witty. The humor about borrow can easily lighten the mood and bring smiles to people's faces. This compilation of borrow puns is not just entertaining but also a testament to the art of joke-telling. The jokes in this list are designed to display different humor styles, ensuring that every reader at any age finds something entertaining. Constantly updated, they offer a source of fun that ensures one is always smiling !

Heartwarming Borrow Jokes that Make You Laugh

What funny jokes about borrow you can tell and make people laugh? One example I can give are clean invest jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help make borrow prank.

I was visiting my granddaughter the other day and asked to borrow a newspaper.

It's 2019, we don't buy newspapers anymore. Here's my iPad.
I'll tell you this, that fly never knew what hit him.

A young Jewish boy asks his father if he can borrow $50...

His father replies: "40 dollars!, what could you possibly need to borrow 30 dollars for?!?"

So my friend, Rick Astley, asked me for some Pixar movies to watch...

I told him, "You can borrow Toy Story 1, 2, and 3, A Bugs Life, Monsters Inc., Finding Nemo, The Incredibles, Cars 1 and 2, Ratatouille, and Wall*E, but I'm never gonna give you UP!"

Can I borrow ten dollars?

Can I borrow ten dollars, but can you only give me five dollars now?
Why do I only want five dollars, you ask? Well, then you'd owe me five dollars, and I'd owe you five dollars, and then we'd both be even.

Borrowed Car

One day Phil had to borrow a car, so he asked his friend Bob. Bob said that it was fine, so he gave Phil the keys and told him to return them by the end of the day. A week later, Phil hadn't returned the car. Bob called Phil angrily and asked why he hadn't given it back yet. Phil replied, "I drove by your house a bunch of times, but I didn't see your car in the driveway, so I thought you weren't home!"

did you hear about the Jewish kid who asked his dad to borrow $50?

$40? his dad said. what do you need to borrow $30 for?

A priest was going to meet a parishioner for lunch

As he was getting ready to leave, he noticed he had forgotten to put on his white priest's collar. He looked and looked, but alas, couldn't find one. He asked another priest, "Do you have a collar I can borrow? One of the parishioners asked me if I could meet up for lunch to discuss some problems."
The other priest says, "Sure, no problem. Happens to everyone - a lay date and a collar short."

I asked my gf to get the paper for me...

...She said "Don't be silly, borrow my iPad". That spider never knew what hit it.

the most awkward time in my life

Was when I locked my keys in my car and had to walk into the nearby abortion clinic to ask to borrow a coat hanger.

A Jewish Kid...

Asks his dad to borrow $5 his dad replies with "$4 dollars?! what do you need $3 dollars for?!"

A Jewish kid goes up to his dad...

Son: "Hey papa?"
Father: "Yes, ma' boy?"
Son: "I met this beautiful girl at temple today. I want to take her out. Can I borrow fifty bucks?
Father: "Forty bucks? What the heck are you gonna do with thirty bucks? Do I look like I have twenty bucks heres fifteen now take ten and bring me back five."

Newspaper and IPAD

I told my girlfriend to get me a newspaper. "Don't be silly", she replied. "Borrow my iPad." .... That spider didn't knew what f***ing hit it.

A Jewish boy asked his father to borrow fifty dollars...

"Forty dollars?! What do you need thirty dollars for?!"

So I was in the library when this cute girl came up and asked to borrow my external hard drive

It was at this point I realized she wanted the (D:)

I asked my girlfriend if she could get me a newspaper

"Don`t be silly", she replied, "you can borrow my ipad".
That fly never knew what hit it.

The Olive Garden

I was asking the waitress at the Olive Garden about their Slogan 'When you are here, you're Family'?
Then I asked her if I could borrow 50 dollars or some power tools that I promised to return with no real expectations of ever returning them.
I bet she talked bad about me after I left, because that's what families do.

Fiddy bucks

Jewish girl walks up to her Jewish dad and says,
"Can I borrow fifty dollars?" He responds,
"Fourty dollars? What do you need twenty dollars for?"

21st Century

I was visiting my son and daughter-in-law last night when I asked if I could borrow a newspaper.
"This is the 21st century, old man," he said. "We don't waste money on newspapers. Here, you can borrow my iPad."
I can tell you, that friggin' fly never knew what hit it ...

I went to the library. I said,"Can I borrow a book about s**...?"

The guy said,"We did have one, but we never got it back."

One Second

So this guy is talking to God and ask, "Hey God what does 100 million years seem like to you?"
God answered, " One hundred million years ? That's like a second to me."
Then the man ask, "Hey God, what's 100 million dollars seem like to you?"
One hundred million dollars? It seems like a penny to me."
So the guy says, "Hey God could I borrow a penny?"
And God answers, "Sure. Just a second."
*This is my all time favorite joke, friend told it to me awhile ago, so yeah.*

How did OJ respond when his son asked to borrow the car?

>Only if you go aks your mother.

A man parks his car on the street and goes into a shop....

...When he comes out, the car is not where he left it and apparently was stolen. So he calls the police and hopelessly goes back home. Two days later, he finds his car at his front door, with a note left in:
I am very sorry but I had to borrow your car, because my wife was in labor and about to give birth and I had to act quickly. I deeply apologize and send these front-row concert tickets for you and your wife to enjoy this tuesday evening.
So the man and his wife go to the concert tuesday evening. When they return home, they realize someone broke in and the house was burgled. And a note was left on the floor: Soo, did you like the concert?
Sorry for the terrible grammar :D

what is worse than locking your keys in your car parked at planned parent hood?

going inside to borrow a coat hanger

A Jewish boy asks his father: "Father, can I please borrow 50 dollars?"

The father replies: "40 dollars! What on earth do you need 30 dollars for!?"

OJ's son must have been the m**.......

... because when he went to OJ that night to borrow his car keys, OJ said, "..go aXe your mother"

If I were a trumpet player I would constantly borrow other people's trumpets.

I'd hate to toot my own horn

A Jewish boy tells his father...

"Daddy, daddy, I need to borrow $20."
The father replies, "$10? What are you gonna buy for $5?"

I finally fulfilled one of my boyhood dreams: I bought my parents a new house.

It wasn't easy, though. I had to borrow quite a bit of money from them to do it.

I asked my wife for the newspaper

I said to my wife, "Get me a newspaper."
"Don't be silly," she replied, "you can borrow my iPad."
The spider didn't see that coming.

US follows Britain

BRITAIN: "Hey, America, watch this!"
*BRITAIN SETS ITSELF ON FIRE*
USA: "Cool. Can I borrow your lighter?"

A Jewish kid goes to his dad and says, "Dad, I need to borrow fifty bucks".

The dad says, "Forty bucks? I don't have thirty bucks, what do you need twenty bucks for?"

I was visiting my daughter last night and asked if I could borrow the newspaper...

"This is the 21st Century". She said
"We don't waste money on newspapers, here use this iPad."
All I can tell you is this.
That fly never knew what hit him.

A child tells her mother "Daddy says he needs to borrow your typewriter"...

The woman smiles, knowing this is their secret code for s**..., but knowing she is on her period, tells her daughter "Tell Daddy that my typewriter only has red ink right now." So the child goes to tell her father.
The next day, the mother tells her child, "Tell Daddy he can use my typewriter now." When the child comes back, she tells her mother. "Daddy said he borrowed the neighbors typewriter."

Rick Astley told me that you could borrow any of his Disney movies, except Up

He's never gonna give you Up...

Four across...

Two men are sat completing a crossword puzzle on a train, sat across from them is a Priest. The first man starts to scratch his head, and he asks the man across from him:
"A word, four across, ending with unt..."
The other man asks him:
"Well, what's the clue?"
He replies:
"It just says 'a woman,' that's all."
"Aunt?"
"Ah, yes it is!"
The man looks down, nodding in agreement. Across the carriage a feeble voice, the Priest.
"Can I borrow an eraser?"

What can you say about your phone but not your girlfriend?

I let my friend borrow it when theirs is dead.

Sunny day with my gf.

I ask honey if I could borrow a newspaper.
"This is the 21st century," she said. We don't waste money on newspapers. Here, use my iPad."
She is right, I kill the son of b* in one shot.
I can tell you this. That fly never knew what hit him.

A jewish son asks his father for money.

The son goes up to his father and asks, "Dad, can I borrow twenty dollars?"
His fathers responds, "Fifteen dollars?! What are you gunna do with ten dollars?!"

A Jewish kid asks his father if he can borrow $50.

His father replies
40 dollars?
What do you want 30 dollars for?

William left his hair-piece at my house.

I decide I'll give it to him when I see him next time. However, my friend Larry came over to borrow some money.
I told him I cant.
"Why?" he asked.
"I got Bill's toupee."

I asked my dad to borrow a newspaper. "We don't waste paper in the 21st century, here use my iPad" he said

I can tell you this, that fly never knew what hit him...

I asked my wife for a newspaper. She said not to be daft and to borrow her iPad.

That spider didn't know what hit it.

Borrowed a pair of my stepdad's socks the other day

He said to be careful as they were his lucky golfing socks.
They have a hole in one.

"Dad, can I borrow 20 dollars" the young Jewish boy asks...

"10 dollars!?! Why do you need 5 dollars?!?"

Why did the bodybuilder borrow a dictionary?

Because he wanted to know how to define muscle.

Borrow a million dollars, and the bank owns you.

Borrow a 100 billion dollars and you own the bank.
Borrow $69 trillion dollars and you are the United States of America.

Rick Astley will let you borrow most of his Pixar movies,

but he's never gonna give you Up

A German goes into a library and asks if he can borrow a book on war.

The librarian says, 'No, you've already lost it twice, you'll only lose it again!'

You can borrow five cents and no one will ask you to return them.

Apparently, people don't like a nickel back.

Jewish kid: Hey dad can I borrow $50?

Dad: What $40, what would you possibly need $30 for?

I borrowed my umbrella to a girl

That makes the number of girls I got wet this year equal to -1.

I asked my Jewish friend if I could borrow $5

He said, $4? What do you need $3 for?

Why couldn't the adopted child borrow his brother's trousers?

Because they didn't share jeans.

Smart blonde joke

Whoah, I know. Here it is: so a blonde walks into a bank and asked to borrow a $500 loan. The bank needs some colleratal so she gives the bank her Rolls Royce. After a couple of months she comes back and promptly pays the loan back. The bank clerk asked why she borrowed the money if she could pay it back easily.
She said, "cheapest parking in San Francisco."

I asked my rapper friend if I could borrow a backpack

He said he had tupacs

An Englishman is stranded in his broken down boat,..

...but luckily another boat comes up to help. The rescue boat has a man and two women in it. "I say old chap, could I borrow one of your oars?"...."These are not me oars, these are me sisters!"

A man was out on a fishing trip

When suddenly, he dropped one of his oars into the water, frustrated that he couldn't get the boat moving, he decided to seek help.
He saw someone with two beautiful women on his boat who also had a spare oar. "Excuse me, may I borrow one of your oars?" he yelled.
The man appeared offended, "thems ain't 'ores, thems me sisters!"

Start a sentence with "I'm not racist/sexist/whatever, but..." Then say something that has nothing to do with that at all

"I'm not racist, but this soup is too salty."
"I'm not sexist, but I need to borrow a pen."
The joke is in the reactions

I asked Rick Astley if I could borrow some Disney DVDs...

He said, "You can take Cars and Lion King but I'm never gonna give you UP!"

I don't get anti-vaxxers.

If you want a trial version of a kid why don't you borrow your friend's and babysit it instead of letting your own expire?

Borrow joke, I don't get anti-vaxxers.

jokes about borrow

Jokes are a form of humor that often involves clever wordplay, puns or unexpected twists in a story. These are usually short narratives or anecdotes crafted with the intent of amusing its audience by ending in an unexpected or humorous punchline. Jokes are a universal form of entertainment that people of all ages like adults, teens, kids and toddlers can enjoy. JokoJokes' FAQ section has answers to questions you may have!

The impact of these borrow jokes can be both social and psychological. They can help to ease tensions, create bonds between people, and even improve overall mental health. The success of a joke often relies on the delivery, timing, and audience. Jokes can be used in various settings, from social gatherings to professional presentations, and are often employed to lighten the mood or enhance a story.