borrowed Jokes

funny jokes and hilarious borrowed stories

What are the best Borrowed puns and pranks?

Did you ever wanted to prank someone about Borrowed? Well here is a complete list of Borrowed dad jokes:

My girlfriend borrowed $100 from me. After 3years, when we separated, she returned exactly $100.

I lost Interest in that relationship.


An Arab man slapped his wife, and she was insulted.

She went to her father and told him, "An eye for an eye. My husband has slapped me, and you must avenge me"

So her father asked, "On which cheek did did he slap you?"

"He slapped my left cheek."

So the father slapper his daughter on the right and said, "Be happy, I have avenged you. You can tell your husband that he has slapped my daughter, but I have slapped his wife"

*Joke borrowed from Les Miserables, written in 1862.*


Library suicide

A man goes to the library and asks if they have a book on how to commit suicide.
The librarian says "Yeh, I think we do, it should be at the back row on the top shelf".
The man goes and looks, even climbs a ladder to look at the top but still can't find it.
"Still no luck" says the man.
The librarian replies "Oh, the last person who borrowed it mustn't have brought it back"


Borrowed Car

One day Phil had to borrow a car, so he asked his friend Bob. Bob said that it was fine, so he gave Phil the keys and told him to return them by the end of the day. A week later, Phil hadn't returned the car. Bob called Phil angrily and asked why he hadn't given it back yet. Phil replied, "I drove by your house a bunch of times, but I didn't see your car in the driveway, so I thought you weren't home!"


The guy borrowed a car...

and when he was supposed to return it, he said "I have good news and bad news."

The other guy groans and says "Aw, crap! Give me the bad news first!"

"I ran your car off a cliff."

"Ran it off a *cliff*! What could possibly be the good news?"

"The display said I was getting 500mpg while I was doing it!"


A collection of puns in one text.

[Context: Friend borrowed a great book by Yahtzee Croshaw, "Jam"]

Friend: I'm liking Jam a lot.

Me: Sweet. Glad you got absorbed in it. It's a berry good book. So many sticky situations for the seed of character development.

Friend: *turns off phone*


My neighbor lent me some spices and I accidentally sat on them.

At this point I'm on borrowed thyme.


Two Italians in a bus...

This might be old or new borrowed or blue, but I just stumbled across it for the first time, and I'll bet you'll read it twice!

A bus stops and two Italian men get on. They sit down and engage in an animated conversation. The lady sitting behind them ignores them at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of the men say the following:

"Emma come first. Den I come. Den two asses come together. I come
once-a-more. Two asses, they come together again. I come again and pee twice. Then I come one lasta time."

"You foul-mouthed swine, " retorted the lady indignantly. "In this country we don't talk about our sex lives in public!"

"Hey, coola down lady," said the man. "Who talkin' abouta sexa?
I'm a justa tellin' my frienda how to spella 'Mississippi'."


Dirty joke

A teenage girl asks her father "Dad, can I borrow the car and go to the mall with my friends?" "If you'll give me a blowjob" he replies. So she begins to perform fellatio when suddenly, she screams "UGH! That tastes like shit!!" "Oh, I forgot" said the father. "Your brother borrowed the car this morning".


2 Old Friends get in a terrible fight,

One of them declares " I'm not going to be your friend any more. I'm going home and get everything I ever borrowed and bring it all back!" "What about the money I've loaned you?" "Well... I'm not that mad at you!"


Two guys are arguing over a dispute...

The first guy says, "Now that's it. This time you truly went too far!"

"Oh shut up! You always say I go to far. I just borrowed a couple hundred of dollars. You have so much more in your bank." Replied the second guy.

"Ohh, I'm serious. This is the one time you broke the record and just went too far. You're never coming back this time!

"Well do you know who else broke a record and went too far? Asked the second guy


"Amelia EarHart. And she also never came back...."


I'm not fishing

A woman had become tired of the family stressing around her, so she went to the nearest lake and borrowed a boat, sailed out to the middle of the lake, throws in the anchor and sits down and starts reading the book she brought with her.

Ten minutes later a boat aproaches and she notices it is the sheriff.

"Do you have a fishing permit?" the sheriff asks

"no, I'm not fishing I'm reading my book"

"but you have the boat full of fishing equipment, there's nothing to stop you from fishing when I turn my
back on you. So I will have ask you to follow me to the shore, so I can write you a fine for illegal fishing"

"If you do that I'll yell rape"


"yeah you got the equipment for it, there's nothing to stop you from using it when I turn my back on you"

the sheriff tips his hat to the lady "Enjoy the book, and have a nice day"

*edit spelling*


Guess that state

A young girl in Appalachia wanted to borrow her daddy's truck to go into town. She asked him if she could. As he was unzipping his pants, he told her that she knew what she had to do first. She was on her knees when she looked up and said "This taste like shit!". Her daddy laughed and said, " Oh that's right, you're brother borrowed the truck this morning".