Borrow Money Jokes
55 borrow money jokes and hilarious borrow money puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about borrow money that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Borrow Money Short Jokes
Short borrow money jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The borrow money humour may include short lending money jokes also.
- When Trump borrows $1,000,000 from his dad it's a small loan But when he donates that much money to Texas, it's a yuuuge contribution
- Do you know the Greek version of Monopoly? It's called Monopoulos and you just borrow all the money from the bank.
Everyone loses. - I let a blind man borrow some money the other day He said he'll pay me back the next time he saw me
- A little Jewish boy asks his father if he can borrow 50 dollars. His dad says, "50 dollars?! Why the heck do you need 40 dollars? 30 dollars is a LOT of money!"
- My homeboy Nick L. keeps borrowing money from my other homie Deion but I can't keep watching it happen... I'm too old to watch Nick L. owe Deion.
- Two friends are talking... "I want to buy a tank!" "Buy it then." "But I don't have the money!" "Borrow it then." "But I don't have the money to pay it back!" "You'll have a tank by then."
- If you don't want people to forget you then Borrow money from them and don't pay 'em back immediately.
They'll be calling you more often. - Do you like my Russian leader puns? Ivan practicing.
And if you need to borrow money I'll Lenin to you. - I finally fulfilled one of my boyhood dreams: I bought my parents a new house. It wasn't easy, though. I had to borrow quite a bit of money from them to do it.
- My friend is an expert in Finance and Marine Biology Which makes borrowing money from him a problem, since he's a real Loan Shark.
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Borrow Money One Liners
Which borrow money one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with borrow money? I can suggest the ones about borrow and bank loan.
- I borrowed money from a pessimist because he doesn't expect me to pay him back
- What do you call it when a bison borrows money from you? A buffa*loan.*
- If you want to be remembered when you die... Borrow money from everyone you know
- What did Ken say to Ryu when he asked to borrow money? *SUREYOUCAN!!!*
- Why was the borrowed money sad? It was a loan.
- Where do shellfish go to borrow money? The prawnbroker.
- What do you call it when you borrow money from a pig? A pork tender-loan
- What did the vowel A say to his fellow vowel E when he borrowed money? I O U
- Why can't you borrow money from a leprechaun? Because they're usually a little short
- money savings the best way of saving money is to forget who you borrowed it from
- One lesson I learnt from borrowing money off jewish loan sharks. Always pay your dues.
- If some borrows money
Borrow Money Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about borrow money you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean debt jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make borrow money pranks.
Before going to Europe on business, a man drove his Rolls Royce to a downtown NY City bank and went in to ask for an immediate loan of $5,000.
The loan officer was quite taken a back, and requested collateral.
"Well, then, here are the keys to my Rolls-Royce", the man said.
The loan officer promptly had the car driven into the bank's underground parking for safekeeping, and gave him $5,000.
Two weeks later, the man walked through the bank's doors, and asked to settle up his loan and get his car back.
The loan officer checked the records and told him, "That will be $5,000 in principal, and $15.40 in interest."
The man wrote out a check, thanked the loan officer, and started to walk away.
"Wait sir," the loan officer said, "while you were gone, I found out you are a millionaire. Why in the world would you need to borrow?"
The man smiled. "Where else could I securely park my Rolls-Royce in Manhattan for two weeks and pay only $15.40?"
John: "Hey can I borrow some money? I'm broke."
Michael: "Get money from your job."
John: "I got fired."
Michael: "Why?"
John: "My boss told me to leave all my problems behind the door, so I told him to stand outside."
Michael: "This is why we are friends."
John went to the local bank to borrow money for a new bull.
John went to the local bank to borrow money for a new bull. The loan was made and Banker Bill , who lent the money, came by a week later to see how the bull was doing. John complained that the bull just ate grass and wouldn't even look at a cow. The Banker suggested that he have a veterinarian take a look at the bull.
Next week, the Banker returned to see if the vet had helped. John really looked very pleased. "The bull has serviced all of my cows! He broke through the fence, and bred all my neighbor's cows! He's been breeding just about everything in sight. He's like a machine!"
"Wow," said The Banker , "what did the vet do to that bull?"
"Just gave him some pills," replied John.
"What kind of pills?" asked The Banker
"I don't know, but they got a peppermint taste."
The banker considered this for a second and made a dash for his car.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A frog goes into a bank...
A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her name plate that the teller's name is Patricia Whack.
So, he says, "Mrs. Whack, I'd like to get a loan to buy a boat and go on a long vacation." Patti looks at the frog in disbelief and asks how much he wants to borrow.
The frog says "$30,000." The teller asks his name and the frog says that his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is m**... Jagger, and that it is OK, he knows the bank manager.
Patti explains that $30,000 is a substantial amount of money and that he will need to secure some collateral against the loan. She asks if he has anything he can use as collateral.
The frog says, "Sure. I have this," and produces a tiny pink porcelain pig, about half an inch tall. Bright pink and perfectly formed.
Very confused, Patti explains that she'll have to consult with the manager and disappears into a back office.
She finds the manager and says: "There is a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000. And he wants to use this as collateral."
She holds up the tiny pink pig.
"I mean, what the heck is this?"
The bank manager looks back at her and says,
"It's a knick knack, Patti Whack.
Give the frog a loan.
His old man's a Rolling Stone."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller.
He can see from her nameplate that her name is Patricia Whack.
"Miss Whack", he says, "I'd like to get a $30,000 loan to take a holiday".
Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name. The frog says that his name is Kermit Jagger. He says that his dad is m**... Jagger, and it's okay for him to take out all of the money because he is friends with the bank manager. Patty explains that he will need to secure the loan with some collateral.
The frog says "Sure, have this", and produces a tiny porcelain elephant, about an inch tall, bright pink, and perfectly formed. Very confused, Patty tells him that she'll have to consult with the bank manager. She then disappears into the back office.
She finds the manager and says "There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000, and he wants to use this as collateral". She holds up the tiny elephant pink elephant. "I mean, what in the world is this?"
The bank manager looks back at her and says "It's a knickknack, Patty Whack. Give the frog a loan, his old man's a Rolling Stone".
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Arty
Joe is extremely angry and frustrated with his wife of 20 years and finally decides to find a contract killer to get rid of her. He knows this will cost more money than he has so he asks to borrow some funds from his best friend Arty. Arty surprises Joe by saying, "I have never liked your wife so I will gladly m**... her for only a dollar."
Later, Arty is hiding outside the grocery store where Joe's wife works and as she leaves he drags her behind the store into an alley and strangles her. Just as he is dragging her body behind some bushes, the store manager comes out and sees him. So Arty attacks the manager and strangles him as well. Again, as he hides the body, a clerk comes out of the store so Arty has to do the same thing one more time. By this time, with all of the commotion, the police arrive and discover what has happened. They arrest Arty and the next morning the headline in the town newspaper reads:
ARTY CHOKES 3 FOR A DOLLAR AT THE LOCAL MARKET
2 Old Friends get in a terrible fight,
One of them declares " I'm not going to be your friend any more. I'm going home and get everything I ever borrowed and bring it all back!" "What about the money I've loaned you?" "Well... I'm not that mad at you!"
21st Century
I was visiting my son and daughter-in-law last night when I asked if I could borrow a newspaper.
"This is the 21st century, old man," he said. "We don't waste money on newspapers. Here, you can borrow my iPad."
I can tell you, that friggin' fly never knew what hit it ...
My BF husband said he wanted to do me "Greek style..."
so I borrowed a ton of money and then left the union...
Life tip: To become irresistible to women all you gotta do is
to borrow money from them.
Effects varies depending on the amount you borrow from them. More you borrow, more they become irresistible.
My uncle once said "if you put your mind to it anything is possible!"
I was confused and asked him what he meant
"You see my date over there?"
"Yeah, the pretty one?"
Pretty women don't usually go for men like me, but if you put your mind to it, you can save up the money for borrowing them for a night.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Sunny day with my gf.
I ask honey if I could borrow a newspaper.
"This is the 21st century," she said. We don't waste money on newspapers. Here, use my iPad."
She is right, I kill the son of b* in one shot.
I can tell you this. That fly never knew what hit him.
William left his hair-piece at my house.
I decide I'll give it to him when I see him next time. However, my friend Larry came over to borrow some money.
I told him I cant.
"Why?" he asked.
"I got Bill's toupee."
Smart blonde joke
Whoah, I know. Here it is: so a blonde walks into a bank and asked to borrow a $500 loan. The bank needs some colleratal so she gives the bank her Rolls Royce. After a couple of months she comes back and promptly pays the loan back. The bank clerk asked why she borrowed the money if she could pay it back easily.
She said, "cheapest parking in San Francisco."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A homeless man approaches a rich thespian and asks him for money
The thespian says '"Neither a borrower nor a lender be." William Shakespeare"'
The homeless man says "c**...!' James Joyce'"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A m**... man married a second wife..
A m**... man married a second wife but after several months he could not bear all the expenses from the 2 wives so he decided to divorce one of them.
He called both of his wives and gave them $70 each and told them that he will leave for a week. And when he comes back he will see which one is better with money management.
After a week he came back. He found the old wife still have $10 left but the new wife has borrowed an extra $50.
So, he divorced the old one because she can take care of her self.
A chess player once borrowed a million dollars to purchase special edition chess boards.
His friend asked him to pay the money back but he ran away. His friend got cancer and couldn't pay the bills.
Finally the chess player went to visit him, holding a piece of paper in his hand. He walked up to him, and extended his arm towards him, and said "Check, mate."
My herbal addiction is getting out of control. Rosemary, Sage, anything to get that herbal hit. When the money ran out I raided the garden, that's cleared out now. Some friends have been lending me some of theirs, but it's not enough to keep me going.
I'm just living on borrowed thyme.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Keeping up with the times
I went round to my sons' house and whilst we were sitting having a cup of tea, I said: "Son, can I borrow your newspaper?"
"Dad, this is the 21st Century", he replied, "We save money by not buying newspapers. But if you like you can have my iPad."
I'll tell you, that spider got squished real good...
AN old man asks to borrow his son's newspaper
The son points out that this is the 21st century, and nobody wastes money on newspapers anymore. He lends his dad his iPad instead.
That spider never knew what hit him.
A man who made tie-dyed shirts was trying to borrow money to expand his business.
While filling out the documents, he had a heart attack and collapsed, spilling bottles of dye all over his paperwork. The poor man dyed a loan.