Borrow Jokes
145 borrow jokes and hilarious borrow puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about borrow that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Are you looking for the perfect joke to share at a party? Look no further! This article has tips on how to borrow jokes that will get you laughs without having to come up with your own material. Learn how to borrow dad jokes, jokes about circumcising money, and more.
Funniest Borrow Short Jokes
Short borrow jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The borrow humour may include short loan jokes also.
- My girlfriend borrowed $100 from me. After 3years, when we separated, she returned exactly $100. I lost Interest in that relationship.
- When Trump borrows $1,000,000 from his dad it's a small loan But when he donates that much money to Texas, it's a yuuuge contribution
- Have a turkish joke A prisoner goes to the jail's library to borrow a book. The librarian says: "We don't have this book, but we have its author"
- I accidentally locked my key in my car in front of an abortion clinic... They gave me the dirtiest look when I went in and asked to borrow a coathanger.
- If anyone is alone this Christmas and has nobody to spend it with, please let me know.. I really need to borrow some chair
- TIL that Rick Astley will let you borrow any movie from his Pixar collection, except one. He's never gonna give you Up
- My girlfriend is always stealing my shirts and sweaters, but when I borrow a dress suddenly we "need to talk."
- How do you know your girlfriend is getting fat? She starts borrowing your wife's clothes...
- I asked my wife for a newspaper. She said not to be daft and to borrow her iPad. That spider didn't know what hit it.
- Do you know the Greek version of Monopoly? It's called Monopoulos and you just borrow all the money from the bank.
Everyone loses.
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Borrow One Liners
Which borrow one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with borrow? I can suggest the ones about rent and invest.
- - Dad, can I borrow 10 pounds? - 15 pounds? Why do you need 20 pounds?
- CHRIS: Hey can I borrow a ten? KRISTEN: Sure
CHRISTEN: Thanks!
KRIS: Any time! - I borrowed money from a pessimist because he doesn't expect me to pay him back
- I dont even know what borrowing language is... But I'll take your word for it.
- What do you call it when a bison borrows money from you? A buffa*loan.*
- I let a pasta chef borrow my car He returned it all denty.
- What did Ryu say to Ken when he asked if he could borrow his car? Shoryuken
- Can I borrow a kiss? I promise I'll give it back.
- If you want to be remembered when you die... Borrow money from everyone you know
- Sure, you can borrow my black and white fabric Just don't make a habit out of it
- What did Ken say to Ryu when he asked to borrow money? *SUREYOUCAN!!!*
- Can I borrow your cellphone? I need to call animal control cause I just saw a fox!
- Why was the borrowed money sad? It was a loan.
- I asked my Jewish friend if I could borrow $5 He said, $4? What do you need $3 for?
- How did OJ respond when his son asked to borrow the car? >Only if you go aks your mother.
Borrow Money Jokes
Here is a list of funny borrow money jokes and even better borrow money puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I let a blind man borrow some money the other day He said he'll pay me back the next time he saw me
- A little Jewish boy asks his father if he can borrow 50 dollars. His dad says, "50 dollars?! Why the heck do you need 40 dollars? 30 dollars is a LOT of money!"
- My homeboy Nick L. keeps borrowing money from my other homie Deion but I can't keep watching it happen... I'm too old to watch Nick L. owe Deion.
- Two friends are talking... "I want to buy a tank!" "Buy it then." "But I don't have the money!" "Borrow it then." "But I don't have the money to pay it back!" "You'll have a tank by then."
- If you don't want people to forget you then Borrow money from them and don't pay 'em back immediately.
They'll be calling you more often. - Do you like my Russian leader puns? Ivan practicing.
And if you need to borrow money I'll Lenin to you. - Where do shellfish go to borrow money? The prawnbroker.
- What do you call it when you borrow money from a pig? A pork tender-loan
- I finally fulfilled one of my boyhood dreams: I bought my parents a new house. It wasn't easy, though. I had to borrow quite a bit of money from them to do it.
- What did the vowel A say to his fellow vowel E when he borrowed money? I O U
Heartwarming Borrow Jokes that Make You Laugh
What funny jokes about borrow you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean hare jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make borrow pranks.
I'm thinking of running as the Prime Minister of Canada
Does anyone have any shoe polish I can borrow for Halloween?
Can I borrow ten dollars?
Can I borrow ten dollars, but can you only give me five dollars now?
Why do I only want five dollars, you ask? Well, then you'd owe me five dollars, and I'd owe you five dollars, and then we'd both be even.
Borrowed Car
One day Phil had to borrow a car, so he asked his friend Bob. Bob said that it was fine, so he gave Phil the keys and told him to return them by the end of the day. A week later, Phil hadn't returned the car. Bob called Phil angrily and asked why he hadn't given it back yet. Phil replied, "I drove by your house a bunch of times, but I didn't see your car in the driveway, so I thought you weren't home!"
did you hear about the Jewish kid who asked his dad to borrow $50?
$40? his dad said. what do you need to borrow $30 for?
A priest was going to meet a parishioner for lunch
As he was getting ready to leave, he noticed he had forgotten to put on his white priest's collar. He looked and looked, but alas, couldn't find one. He asked another priest, "Do you have a collar I can borrow? One of the parishioners asked me if I could meet up for lunch to discuss some problems."
The other priest says, "Sure, no problem. Happens to everyone - a lay date and a collar short."
the most awkward time in my life
Was when I locked my keys in my car and had to walk into the nearby abortion clinic to ask to borrow a coat hanger.
A Jewish kid goes up to his dad...
Son: "Hey papa?"
Father: "Yes, ma' boy?"
Son: "I met this beautiful girl at temple today. I want to take her out. Can I borrow fifty bucks?
Father: "Forty bucks? What the heck are you gonna do with thirty bucks? Do I look like I have twenty bucks heres fifteen now take ten and bring me back five."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Arty
Joe is extremely angry and frustrated with his wife of 20 years and finally decides to find a contract killer to get rid of her. He knows this will cost more money than he has so he asks to borrow some funds from his best friend Arty. Arty surprises Joe by saying, "I have never liked your wife so I will gladly m**... her for only a dollar."
Later, Arty is hiding outside the grocery store where Joe's wife works and as she leaves he drags her behind the store into an alley and strangles her. Just as he is dragging her body behind some bushes, the store manager comes out and sees him. So Arty attacks the manager and strangles him as well. Again, as he hides the body, a clerk comes out of the store so Arty has to do the same thing one more time. By this time, with all of the commotion, the police arrive and discover what has happened. They arrest Arty and the next morning the headline in the town newspaper reads:
ARTY CHOKES 3 FOR A DOLLAR AT THE LOCAL MARKET
So I was in the library when this cute girl came up and asked to borrow my external hard drive
It was at this point I realized she wanted the (D:)
I asked my girlfriend if she could get me a newspaper
"Don`t be silly", she replied, "you can borrow my ipad".
That fly never knew what hit it.
If you borrow from multiple loan sharks and then reports them to the police... wouldn't that mean you don't have to pay back?
The Olive Garden
I was asking the waitress at the Olive Garden about their Slogan 'When you are here, you're Family'?
Then I asked her if I could borrow 50 dollars or some power tools that I promised to return with no real expectations of ever returning them.
I bet she talked bad about me after I left, because that's what families do.
Anyone seen "Captain Phillips"?
If not, I have a pirated copy you can borrow.
I need to borrow some cheese
can I get a provolone?
My girlfriend is like a lawnmower...
Everyone is asking to borrow her.
21st Century
I was visiting my son and daughter-in-law last night when I asked if I could borrow a newspaper.
"This is the 21st century, old man," he said. "We don't waste money on newspapers. Here, you can borrow my iPad."
I can tell you, that friggin' fly never knew what hit it ...
A Jewish father and son are in their living room
The son approaches his dad and asks "Dad can I borrow $20?"
The Dad replies: "Ten dollars? Son, why do you need five dollars?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I went to the library. I said,"Can I borrow a book about s**...?"
The guy said,"We did have one, but we never got it back."
Can I borrow your G-String? Mine broke...
said one guitarist to the other
I need some information on an extinct Pachyderm...
Can I borrow your periodic table of the elephants?
A man parks his car on the street and goes into a shop....
...When he comes out, the car is not where he left it and apparently was stolen. So he calls the police and hopelessly goes back home. Two days later, he finds his car at his front door, with a note left in:
I am very sorry but I had to borrow your car, because my wife was in labor and about to give birth and I had to act quickly. I deeply apologize and send these front-row concert tickets for you and your wife to enjoy this tuesday evening.
So the man and his wife go to the concert tuesday evening. When they return home, they realize someone broke in and the house was burgled. And a note was left on the floor: Soo, did you like the concert?
Sorry for the terrible grammar :D
A Jewish boy asks his father: "Father, can I please borrow 50 dollars?"
The father replies: "40 dollars! What on earth do you need 30 dollars for!?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Does anyone have a b**... hood I can borrow for Halloween?
I'm going dressed as Detroit.
What's the one movie that Rick Astley won't let you borrow?
He's never gonna give you Up.
I once dated a model, but I always preferred the earlier versions.
This particular one was not very user-friendly, she was high-maintenance and my friends would always borrow her for personal use.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
OJ's son must have been the m**.......
... because when he went to OJ that night to borrow his car keys, OJ said, "..go aXe your mother"
If I were a trumpet player I would constantly borrow other people's trumpets.
I'd hate to toot my own horn
How do you make a Jewish omelette
First off all Borrow 6 eggs.
Teacher And Student
Teacher: What are some products of the West Indies?
Student: I don't know.
Teacher: Of course, you do. Where do you get sugar from?
Student: We borrow it from our neighbor.
You know what they say about corn?
You only borrow it...
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
US follows Britain
BRITAIN: "Hey, America, watch this!"
*BRITAIN SETS ITSELF ON FIRE*
USA: "Cool. Can I borrow your lighter?"
A friend of mine asked me if he could borrow some chromosomes.
I said:
"No! They're mine! MY chromosomes! I'm lucky to have all 62!"
Life tip: To become irresistible to women all you gotta do is
to borrow money from them.
Effects varies depending on the amount you borrow from them. More you borrow, more they become irresistible.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A child tells her mother "Daddy says he needs to borrow your typewriter"...
The woman smiles, knowing this is their secret code for s**..., but knowing she is on her period, tells her daughter "Tell Daddy that my typewriter only has red ink right now." So the child goes to tell her father.
The next day, the mother tells her child, "Tell Daddy he can use my typewriter now." When the child comes back, she tells her mother. "Daddy said he borrowed the neighbors typewriter."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Could I borrow a ruler?
Sure man, how long do you need it?
About 10 minutes
10...Minutes?
Yeah 10 minutes, d**...
Chlorine texts potassium, asking to borrow an electron.
Potassium replies, "K"
Four across...
Two men are sat completing a crossword puzzle on a train, sat across from them is a Priest. The first man starts to scratch his head, and he asks the man across from him:
"A word, four across, ending with unt..."
The other man asks him:
"Well, what's the clue?"
He replies:
"It just says 'a woman,' that's all."
"Aunt?"
"Ah, yes it is!"
The man looks down, nodding in agreement. Across the carriage a feeble voice, the Priest.
"Can I borrow an eraser?"
What can you say about your phone but not your girlfriend?
I let my friend borrow it when theirs is dead.
Girl from my high school was obsessed with dinosaurs
She asked to borrow my thesaurus for an English test
I borrowed my dad's identification...
... It was a terrible ID.
Why can't you borrow money from a leprechaun?
Because they're usually a little short
john wick walks into a bar
Two red necks immediately get on his case,he turns to the barkeep and say's, can I borrow your pencil?
Changes from the 1850s to now.
"Can I borrow your colours" had a much different meaning back then
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Sunny day with my gf.
I ask honey if I could borrow a newspaper.
"This is the 21st century," she said. We don't waste money on newspapers. Here, use my iPad."
She is right, I kill the son of b* in one shot.
I can tell you this. That fly never knew what hit him.
How to Steal a Car in 3 Steps 🚙
1) Go to New Jersey
2) Remove pants
3) Shout "Can I borrow someone's khakis?"
A boy walks into a library....
and asks if he can borrow *"It's the Last Day of School. Forever"*. Looking shocked and surprised, the librarian says, "No dear, you've got to bring it back next week."
They say that good artists borrow and great artists steal
This sub must have some pretty great artists...
My friend let me borrow some gym shorts to get in the pool, but they were way too big for me.
I was swimming in them.
William left his hair-piece at my house.
I decide I'll give it to him when I see him next time. However, my friend Larry came over to borrow some money.
I told him I cant.
"Why?" he asked.
"I got Bill's toupee."
Borrowed a pair of my stepdad's socks the other day
He said to be careful as they were his lucky golfing socks.
They have a hole in one.
Does anyone have Jenga I could borrow? Asking for a friend
Literally, The game is no fun if I play by myself
Borrow a million dollars, and the bank owns you.
Borrow a 100 billion dollars and you own the bank.
Borrow $69 trillion dollars and you are the United States of America.
A German goes into a library and asks if he can borrow a book on war.
The librarian says, 'No, you've already lost it twice, you'll only lose it again!'
You can borrow five cents and no one will ask you to return them.
Apparently, people don't like a nickel back.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A cop pulled me over...
A cop pulled me over and asked papers?
I said sorry, I don't have them on me, but you're welcome to borrow my b**...
Why couldn't the adopted child borrow his brother's trousers?
Because they didn't share jeans.
Smart blonde joke
Whoah, I know. Here it is: so a blonde walks into a bank and asked to borrow a $500 loan. The bank needs some colleratal so she gives the bank her Rolls Royce. After a couple of months she comes back and promptly pays the loan back. The bank clerk asked why she borrowed the money if she could pay it back easily.
She said, "cheapest parking in San Francisco."
Pens are like girlfriends.
People always wanted to borrow mine at school.
One friend asks another, "If you knew I was going to die tomorrow, what would you tell me today?"
Can I borrow $10,000?
I asked my rapper friend if I could borrow a backpack
He said he had tupacs
A man was out on a fishing trip
When suddenly, he dropped one of his oars into the water, frustrated that he couldn't get the boat moving, he decided to seek help.
He saw someone with two beautiful women on his boat who also had a spare oar. "Excuse me, may I borrow one of your oars?" he yelled.
The man appeared offended, "thems ain't 'ores, thems me sisters!"
My doctor asked me, "Do you have a history of mental illness?"
"Yes," I told him, "I got it from the library. Why, do you want to borrow it?"
