The Best 62 Born Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Born jokes. There are some born baby jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these born stillborn puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Born Jokes and Puns

My son was just born and another dad at the nursery congratulated me and said his daughter was born yesterday. He said; maybe they'll marry each other.

Sure, like my son is going to marry someone twice his age...

Doctor: (handing me my new born baby) I'm sorry but your wife didn't make it

Me: (handing baby back to him) Bring me the one my wife made

What do you call children born in whorehouses?

Brothel sprouts

Born joke, What do you call children born in whorehouses?

When I was young, I always felt like a male trapped in a females body

Then I was born

My favorite all-ages joke.

One day, a bear walks into a bar. He sits down at the counter, and the bartender comes over.

"What'll it be?" asks the bartender.

"I'll have a......

....

.....

....

....

....

...beer." the bear says.

"Alright, one beer for the bear. But I gotta ask, why the big pause?" asks the bartender.

"I don't know," says the bear. "I was born with them."

:)


When I was younger, I always felt like I was a man trapped in a woman's body.

Thankfully, it all changed when I was born.

A reporter is interviewing Stevie Wonder


They talk about all the amazing music he has created over the years and the incredible things he has done with his life and as a last question the reporter asks:

"But don't you wish you hadn't been born blind?"

and Stevie replies "Hey, it could've been much worse - I could have been born black"

Born joke, A reporter is interviewing Stevie Wonder

My friend asked me if I was ready to go to the nudist colony.

I was born ready.

Why wasn't Jesus born in Ireland?

They couldn't find 3 wise men and a virgin.

I woman had just given birth to a baby boy...

The doctor was holding him and told the parent,"I regret to inform you that your son was born without eyelids." The mother replies," That's terrible. What are we going to do?" The doctor says," I've seen this before, don't worry. We will circumcise him and use the foreskin to make him new eyelids." The father says," Won't that make him cock-eyed." The doctor replies," No, if anything it will give him foresight"

My dad never really loved me as a child

I can't really blame him though ; I wasn't born until he was an adult.

You can explore born snowflake reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean born petal dad jokes. There are also born puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


What is born skinless, flies wingless and sings until it dies?

A fart.

*dedicated to my dear departed Grandfather who told me this joke almost 40 years ago when I was a kid.*

3 little girls walk up to their father

The first little girl asks, "Daddy, why is my name Rose?"
and the dad says, "because when you were born, a rose petal fell on your head, so we decided to call you rose."
The second little girl asks, "Daddy, why is my name Lily?"
and the dad says, "because when you were born, a lily petal fell on your head, so we decided to call you Lily."
The third little girl says, "hurdddurflbbbbb dur."
and the dad says, "shut up Cinderblock."

A boy was born of an Indian, Chinese, Irish, and Italian grandmother...

They couldn't settle on a name, until it hit them!

They named him Ravi O. Lee

Sorry

The brain

The brain is a amazing organ it works 24 hours a day 365 days a year from the day you are born until you see your first woman naked.

TIL that I was born exactly 9 months after my Dad's 32nd birthday...

and my mom gives awful birthday gifts.

Born joke, TIL that I was born exactly 9 months after my Dad's 32nd birthday...

A bear walks into a bar.

The bartender asks whata ya have there big fella? The bear says " Give me a .........................................................beer." The bartender says" What's with the big pause?" The bear throws his arms up in the air and says " I DON'T KNOW I WAS BORN WITH THEM."

Why can't you fool an aborted baby?

Because he wasn't born yesterday

Circumcisions are painful.

When I got mine right after I was born, I couldn't walk for nearly a year


Why does the population of Detroit never change?

Because as soon as a baby is born, some guy leaves town.

FRESH HARAMBE OF BELL AIR....

In west Cincinnati I was born and raised on the zoo grounds is where I spent most of my days,Chillin out hangin out acting all cool, eating bananas out by the pool When a mom and her kid, they were up to no good, crawled over the fence into my neighborhood,I got in one little fight and my zoo keeper got scared, heard a gunshot just before I stopped breathing air.......

Two sisters

There were once two sisters, one called Petal and one called Fridge. One day, Petal asks her parents, "Why did you call me Petal?" and they replied "Because just after you were born, a petal fell on you."

"Bllaaarrarararraraaarg", says Fridge from the corner.

Why wasn't Jesus born in the USA?

Because God couldn't find three wise men and a virgin.

My son is a man trapped in a woman's body

he'll be born in February

A polar bear walks into a bar.

The bartender asks what he'll have.

The bear says "I guess I'll have a................beer."

The bartender asks "Why the big pause?"

The polar shrugs. "I don't know, I was born with 'em."

An Anteater walks into a bar....

Bartender says "can I get you a drink"
"Nooooooooooooooooooooo"
"How about something to eat?"
"Nooooooooooooooooooooo"
"What about some peanuts?"
"Nooooooooooooooooooooo"

Frazzled, the bartender says "What's with the long no's"?
Anteater replies "I was born with it".

I was tickling my brothers feet last night...

...and my mum woke up and had a right go at me. It was something about waiting until he's born first.

Chinese kid was born before the due date

Parents named him Sudden Lee.

A father was sitting at the table with his two daughters

Petal and Fridge.

Petal said, "Dad, why is my name Petal?"

Her dad answered, "Because a flower petal was the first thing to fall on you when you were born."

Then Fridge said, "HUURRGRRUWAHGUWAAAAAH!"

Why wasn't Jesus born in America?

He couldn't find 3 wise men or a virgin.

I went mad when I found out my mum used to have sex with animals before I was born...

I killed her with my bear hands.

I was a stillborn child

My mother didn't want me but I was still born

Our first born is 9 months old and I got to make my first Dad Joke

Wife: Have you noticed he feels a little warm?

Me: Yes, but he is teething, so that is to be expected. He seems to be feeling ok.

Wife: Well I took his temperature just now.

Me: Did you give it back?

Wife: ...

There was a kid that was born with no eyelids.

The doctor was able to use the skin from the circumcision to make him new eyelids.
It went really well other than the fact the kid is a little cock-eyed

When i was born I was so mad at my parents

I didn't talk to them for two years

The nurse told the parents of a newly born child, "You have a cute baby."

The smiling husband said, "I bet you say that to all new parents."

"No," she replied, "just to those whose babies really are good-looking."

The husband again asked "So what do you say to the others?"

The nurse replied, "The baby looks just like you."

There was a lady with 3 sons, named Rain, Snow and Brick

Rain asked his mom, Why is my name 'Rain'?
Because a raindrop fell on your head when you were born.
Then Snow asked his mom, Why is my name 'Snow'?
Because a snowflake fell on your head when you were born.
Then Brick asked his mom, NYANYANYANYA

Doctor: So your child was born without eyelids.

Mother: Well isn't there anything you can do?

Doctor: Yes, when we circumcise him we can take that excess skin and make him eye lids.

Mother: Will he be okay?

Doctor: Yeah, he will be fine, just be a little cock-eyed.

My Chinese son was born before his due date

We called him Sudden Lee

I tickled my little brother's foot

I tickled my little brother's foot yesterday and my mom went crazy and said,

"Wait until he is born"

"Mom, before I was born did you want a boy or a girl?"

"I wanted to pickup a fork that fell on the kitchen floor..."

I tried to steal candy from a newborn baby, but he slapped my hand away.

Turns out he wasn't born yesterday.

I used to feel like a man who was trapped in a woman's body.

Then I was born.

There was a man who was born on the fifth day of the fifth month of 1955, whose lucky number was five.

There was a man who was born on the fifth day of the fifth month of 1955, whose lucky number was five. On his birthday, he went to the racetrack and was astounded to see that in the fifth race (scheduled for five o'clock) a horse named Pentagram was running, with the odds of 55 to 1. Rushing off to the bank, the man was astonished to find he had $55,555.55 in his bank account. He withdrew the whole amount, dashed back to the races and bet all of it on Pentagram to win. Pentagram, obviously, came in fifth.

Doctor: *handing me my new born baby* I'm sorry but your wife didn't make it.

Meβ€Œβ€Œ: *\*handinβ€Œβ€Œg babβ€Œβ€Œy bacβ€Œβ€Œk tβ€Œβ€Œo himβ€Œβ€Œ\** brinβ€Œβ€Œg mβ€Œβ€Œe thβ€Œβ€Œe onβ€Œβ€Œe mβ€Œβ€Œy wifβ€Œβ€Œe made.

Heard this joke at school. Thought I might share it with y'all

There is a lady called Mary who has 3 children: Violet, Rose and Brick.

So Violet goes to her and asks: Mom, why am I called Violet?

And Mary responds: Because when you were born, a violet fell on your head

Then Rose comes and asks: Mom, why am I called Rose?

And Mary responds: Because when you were born, a rose fell on your head

Then Brick goes and asks: CjfbjabMandmabwlbdkabNbskdbslonvibcdhovtcbxtblvocbjfshkvgdvynv?

A black man walks into a restaurant..

There is a huge sign on wall that says "Colored People Not Allowed."

The man takes a seat and a white man comes over in a hurry and says, " Excuse me son, we don't serve colored people in this restaurant. Im going to have to ask you to leave."

The black man smiles, looks at the white man and says, "Sir, when I was born I was black, when I am sick I'm black, when I'm cold I'm black, when I'm angry I'm black and when I sad I'm black.

But you, sir, when you're born you're pink, when you're sick you are green, when you're cold you turn blue and when you're angry you turn red.

And you have the nerve to call me colored!"

A bear walks in to a bar and says, I'll have a gin and..........tonic. The bartender asks, Why the big pause? The bear looks down for a second and says, I don't know,

I guess I was just born this way.

For my cake day, a joke I made up as a kid: Why is Aquaman such a dedicated super hero?

Because he was born with a sense of porpoise.

My son is 2934 days old today.

He was born on 12/12/12.

 

A woman just gave birth to a baby boy. Unfortunately....

The doctor was holding him and told the parent,"I regret to inform you that your son was born without eyelids." The mother replies," That's terrible. What are we going to do?" The doctor says," I've seen this before, don't worry. We will circumcise him and use the foreskin to make him new eyelids." The father says," Won't that make him cock-eyed." The doctor replies," No, if anything it will give him foresight"

I was born male and I identify as male, yet...

... according to Tesco's Finest Sticky Toffee Pudding, I'm a family of four!

An Alabama couple with 9 children went to see the doctor about getting the husband "fixed".

The doctor started the procedure and making small talk, asks them "Why, after having 9 children have you decided not to have any more?".

The husband replied, "We just read an article that said 1 in 10 American children born in the United States is Mexican".

The wife continued, "We didn't want to take the chance of having a Mexican baby, since neither of us can speak Spanish".

My daughter was born this morning, July 4th.

It's the day I lost my independence.



(This is also true, she was born around 2:30 this morning and baby and mama are doing well).

Before I was born, God asked if I wanted to be well-endowed.

A fat gut and man tits wasn't what I had in mind.

Just saw a fun fact that said, "Babies are more likely to be born on Tuesdays."

As opposed to what? ADULTS being born on Tuesdays?

Did you hear about the boy born with no eyelids?

They used the skin from his circumcision to make his new eyelids.

The doctor said he made it through the surgery fine, but may end up a little cockeyed.

Little Johnny goes to his dad with his girlfriend

"How was I born daddy?", Asks Johnny.

"An Angel came and delivered you to us while we were on vacations", hid dad replied.

"And my sister?", Johnny goes on

"Angel gave her to us in the bedroom", his dad replied again.

Johnny turns to his girlfriend and says, "See.. Nothing happens, babies aren't born that way! Let's do it."

My kid recently realized that they were born in the wrong body.

Now, I fully support anything they need to do to feel more like themselves, but I never imagined it would affect my social life like it has. The teachers won't see me, my friends act like I'm not there. Hell even the mailman hasn't made a delivery in weeks. I never realized how hard it was to be a transparent.

I was born 20 minutes before my twin brother

But I set up my Reddit account a month before. So today is all mine fuckface.

Not This Time

A man is blessed with four beautiful daughters but he always wanted a son. So he and his wife get to work and they try and try and finally are able to conceive a son. When the son is born, it's one ugly baby. The husband is visibly upset and suspects his wife cheated on him and decides to confront her. "We have 4 beautiful daughters and now look at our son. He is as ugly as can be. I want you to tell me the truth, did you cheat on me." His wife looks at him and says, "No my dear, not this time!"

What do you call a bee born in May?

Maybe

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the born birth jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working born newborn piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes