Boris Jokes

Following is our collection of reagan humor and motherland one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. They include Boris puns for adults, dirty vladimir jokes or clean natasha gags for kids.

There is an abundance of sergei jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 27 funniest jokes on boris. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any comrade witze you can hear about boris.

The Best jokes about Boris

Boris Johnson coronavirus joke

For those sending around vile jokes about the Prime Minister in ICU... please remember the words of The Queen last night:

I hope in the years to come everyone will be able to take pride in how they responded to this challenge. Show some class.

A Russian comes to the Ukrainian border

A Russian comes to the Ukrainian border.

The Ukrainian border guard asks, "Name?"

The Russian answers, "Boris."

The border guard asks, "Occupation?"

The Russian says, "No, just visiting."

UK politician Boris Johnson has promised to lie in front of bulldozers clearing a path for the 3rd Heathrow runway.

This should be no problem for him as he has already had plenty of practice lying in front of a bus!

Russian Condoms!

President Boris Yeltsin called Clinton with an emergency: "Our largest condom factory has exploded!" the Russian President cried; "my people's favorite form of birth control! This is a true disaster!" "Boris, the American people would be happy to do anything within their power to help you," replied the President. "I do need your help," said Yeltsin. "Could you possibly send 1,000,000 condoms ASAP to tide us over?" "Why certainly! I'll get right on it!" said Clinton. "Oh, and one more small favor, please?" said Yeltsin. "Yes?" "Could the condoms be red in color and at least 10" long and 4" in diameter?" said Yeltsin. "No problem," replied the President and, with that, Clinton hung up and called the President of Trojan. "I need a favor....you've got to make 1,000,000 condoms right away and send them to Russia." "Consider it done," said the President of Trojan. "Great! Now listen, they have to be red in color, 10" long and 4" wide." "Easily done. Anything else?" "Yeah," said the President, "print 'MADE IN AMERICA, SIZE SMALL' on each one.

A bus full of Russians are at the Belarussian border.

The customs official eyes them suspiciously. He asks the first guy:

"Name?"

"Ah, Boris Ivanovich."

"Do you have a visa?"

"No, but we were invited here."

"Occupation?"

"No, we are just police support. The occupation forces are in the next bus."


Boris and Ivan are walking down the street in Leningrad

Boris: It is beautiful day in Soviet Russia! I am happy to live in glorious motherland!

Ivan: Nyet. *We* are happy to live in glorious motherland.

Boris: Blyat. My bad.

Ivan: Our bad.

I was having lunch with Boris, the Estonian IT guy....

He was telling me about the crazy night he had before moving to the US. He said
"I drank so much I go home with two Soviet prostitutes who live together with their fancy grey cat."

"Russian blue?"

"No but Ukrainian gave handjob!"

What's Boris Johnson's favourite TV show?

Deal or No Deal

I used to think that Boris Johnson getting corona must be the irony of the century.

However, it just got trumped.

Great Britains new Prime Minister

Did you see that Boris Johnson might be the next Prime Minister of Great Britain? I remember when the U.S. had a BJ in the top office!

Boris Spassky was once asked by a reporter, "Which do you prefer: chess or sex?".

Spassky replied, "It very much depends on the position".


Yesterday, UK protesters tore down monuments of Boris Johnson and Theresa May

Lawyers assume that they will be charged for a statue-tory crime

Russian joke

Two peasants, Boris and Igor are poor. Boris has a goat. Igor does not. One day while walking thru the woods, Igor meets a fairy. "What do you wish for?" She ask.

"I wish" Igor says "that Boris's goat should die"

What did the cop say to Boris Yosanavich after pulling him over for speeding?

Quit Russian.

Russia. Little Boris comes running to his alcoholic father.

"Daddy, daddy! I just heard that vodka has risen in price. That means you'll be drinking less from now on?"

"No, junior. That means you'll be eating less," the father replies.

USA in the 90s: "Boris Yeltsin is the worst leader possible!"

USA 2016: "Hold my beer"

Donald Trump, Vladimir Putin and Boris Johnson walk into a room...Oh God. This isn't even a joke anymore.

Help

2 people confessed to killing Russian opposition leader Boris Nemtsov

When Trump and Boris are elected...

>When Trump and Boris are elected...

...they'll be like toupees in a pod.


Boris ventilator joke

Boris Johnson joked to senior company bosses that the scheme to build more ventilators in such a short time frame could be called 'Operation Last Gasp'.

Donald Trump, Boris Johnson and Vladimir Putin go to a bar

Bartender (who is somewhat inexperienced) asks what they want to order.

Putin - "I'll have a V and C."
Bartender - "What's a V and C?"
Putin - "Vodka and Coke."

Johnson - "I'll have a G and T."
Bartender - "What's a G and T?"
Johnson - "Gin and tonic."

Trump - "I'll have a 7 and 7."
Bartender - "What's a 7 and 7?"
Trump - "15."

What did Putin say when he was finally fed up with Boris Nemtsov?

I'm putin' that guy to sleep

Teacher to russian student: Boris, beware, I have eyes in my back!

russian student: What Are you braging about? I came from Chernobyl, I had a tail!

Why did Boris Johnson Brexit?

Because just imagine the baby he'd have made if he hadn't pulled out of Angela Merkel!

Whats see-through and scares everyone that thinks about it?

Boris Johnson's claims he doesn't want to be Prime Minister.

Boris Johnson Stay Alert joke

Please can someone tell Boris coronavirus is not a physical assailant? You can't stay alert to single-stranded RNA.

Boris Johnson is getting divorced from his wife

Since his wife said "I want to leave EU" and after the divorce bill goes through, Boris will officially be entering the single market.

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

Joko Jokes