Boris Jokes
54 boris jokes and hilarious boris puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about boris that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Bring back some Boris-style humour to your Christmas party this year! Check out our selection of the best Boris jokes about Christmas parties, Russia, and President Reagan. With these, you're sure to get your guests roaring with laughter.
Quick Jump To
Funniest Boris Short Jokes
Short boris jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The boris humour may include short motherland jokes also.
- My son asked if he could meet the British Prime Minister I said "Boris Johnson? Liz Truss will probably be too busy. What do you want to meet Rishi Sunak for anyway?"
- A mule walks into a bar in Moscow The bartender looks at him and says Hey, we have a drink named after you!
Really? replies the mule There's a drink named Boris? - If Sunak wanted to go full Machiavel he could resign because of the fine, thus putting pressure on Johnson to do the same. Of course neither of them will, because they’re a pair of fetid chancers.
- The lockdown is costing us billions every day! Should we really push this debt on the next generation? Let me remind you of the average age of a Tory voter. We can not afford to lose them.
- My grandfather would be very happy with what Boris Johnson's leadership has done to Britain. But then again, he was in the SS.
- As the finances of rishi sunak’s wife come under intense media scrutiny, Boris Johnson says if everyone could keep talking about it until about January that’d be great.
- But are we sure Rishi will have the resources to pay the fine? Boris will clearly borrow it from a donor.
- What's the difference between a point in a distribution whose value is much higher than the rest and Boris Johnson? One is an outlier to the right, the other is an outright liar.
- I used to think that Boris Johnson getting corona must be the irony of the century. However, it just got trumped.
- Great Britains new Prime Minister Did you see that Boris Johnson might be the next Prime Minister of Great Britain? I remember when the U.S. had a BJ in the top office!
Share These Boris Jokes With Friends
Boris One Liners
Which boris one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with boris? I can suggest the ones about christmas party and comrade.
- What's Boris Johnson's favourite TV show? Deal or No Deal
- I was at Boris Johnson's lockdown party It was pretty conservative.
- What do Boris Johnson and Tottenham Hotspur have in common? An empty cabinet
- Boris Johnson said everything would be back to normal on 21st June Julyed
- USA in the 90s: "Boris Yeltsin is the worst leader possible!" USA 2016: "Hold my beer"
- 2 people confessed to killing Russian opposition leader Boris Nemtsov
- A lert joke Stay alert? It's a deadly virus not a zebra crossing.
- Who's the UK's new foreign secretary? Boris Johnson
- if boris johnson was priminster he'd make all of us shop at Borrisons
Boris Johnson Jokes
Here is a list of funny boris johnson jokes and even better boris johnson puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Boris Johnson is the most dangerous politician in Britain precisely because of his charm. Funny and likeable, even when he errs it's cute, like a shaved Winnie the Pooh eating all the honey
- Donald Trump, Vladimir Putin and Boris Johnson walk into a room...Oh God. This isn't even a joke anymore. Help
- Yesterday, UK protesters tore down monuments of Boris Johnson and Theresa May Lawyers assume that they will be charged for a statue-tory crime
- Boris ventilator joke Boris Johnson joked to senior company bosses that the scheme to build more ventilators in such a short time frame could be called 'Operation Last Gasp'.
- Why did Boris Johnson Brexit? Because just imagine the baby he'd have made if he hadn't pulled out of Angela Merkel!
- Boris Johnson Stay Alert joke Please can someone tell Boris coronavirus is not a physical assailant? You can't stay alert to single-stranded RNA.
- Boris: Lockdown Me looking at my 1TB folder of TV and movies to pass the time.
It's like... I was made for this. - Whats see-through and scares everyone that thinks about it? Boris Johnson's claims he doesn't want to be Prime Minister.
- Boris Johnson is getting divorced from his wife Since his wife said "I want to leave EU" and after the divorce bill goes through, Boris will officially be entering the single market.
- What do Boris Johnson, the British Economy, and an entertained cube of beef extract have in common? They're all laughing stocks.
Christmas Party Jokes
Here is a list of funny christmas party jokes and even better christmas party puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- My favorite Christmas joke: Why do Mexicans have tamale making parties on Christmas Eve? So the kids have something to unwrap on Christmas morning.
- Years later, Kevin McCallister murdered his older brother at a family Christmas party. It was a total buzzkill.
- I was asked to bring an ugly sweater to a Christmas party. But my ex-wife already had plans.
- What's the best thing to bring to your holiday party? A Christmas tree. Because they're lit.
- How did the Grinch get home from the Christmas party? He took a Who-ber.
- Why did the lawyer have to dress as Santa on his company's christmas party? Because he didn't read the Santa Clause.
- A guy wore a Hanukkah shirt to a Christmas party... He was in the Menorah Tee.
- I'm going to make sure to get in a good workout before going to the office Christmas party. They're having an ugly sweater contest.
- Why was the ghost not invited to the Christmas party?! Because he had no presence!
- The Anti-Christ came to our Christmas party. He turned all the wine into water.
Loads of Fun with Charming Humor Boris Jokes
What funny jokes about boris you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean vodka jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make boris pranks.
Boris Johnson coronavirus joke
For those sending around vile jokes about the Prime Minister in ICU... please remember the words of The Queen last night:
I hope in the years to come everyone will be able to take pride in how they responded to this challenge. Show some class.
My sister is taking part in a social experiment. She has to wear a Boris is doing his best t-shirt for 2 weeks and see how people react. So far she's been spit on, punched and had a bottle thrown at her!
I'm curious to see what happens when she goes outside.
A Russian comes to the Ukrainian border
A Russian comes to the Ukrainian border.
The Ukrainian border guard asks, "Name?"
The Russian answers, "Boris."
The border guard asks, "Occupation?"
The Russian says, "No, just visiting."
KGB Joke. Because we don't have enough Soviet era humor
Natasha is walking down street in Moscow and sees KGB friend Boris walking toward her.
Natasha says, Is that gun in pocket or are you just happy to see me.
Shot rings out and Natasha falls dead on street.
Was gun.
UK politician Boris Johnson has promised to lie in front of bulldozers clearing a path for the 3rd Heathrow runway.
This should be no problem for him as he has already had plenty of practice lying in front of a bus!
A bus full of Russians are at the Belarussian border.
The customs official eyes them suspiciously. He asks the first guy:
"Name?"
"Ah, Boris Ivanovich."
"Do you have a visa?"
"No, but we were invited here."
"Occupation?"
"No, we are just police support. The occupation forces are in the next bus."
An angry robber at a Russian bank threatens to kill everyone. Goes up to a teller "I'm gonna kill you! I'm so angry. What's your name?"
"Olga," replies the terrified teller.
"Oh, I'm not gonna kill you, my mother's name was Olga"
Turns to a 6'4'' security guard
"I'm gonna kill you then. What's your name?"
Guard: "My name is Boris, but my friends call me Olga"
Boris and Ivan are walking down the street in Leningrad
Boris: It is beautiful day in Soviet Russia! I am happy to live in glorious motherland!
Ivan: Nyet. *We* are happy to live in glorious motherland.
Boris: Blyat. My bad.
Ivan: Our bad.
I was having lunch with Boris, the Estonian IT guy....
He was telling me about the crazy night he had before moving to the US. He said
"I drank so much I go home with two Soviet prostitutes who live together with their fancy grey cat."
"Russian blue?"
"No but Ukrainian gave h**...!"
Boris Johnson and the Queen are riding in the horse-drawn Royal carriage along the Royal Mile...
Suddenly, the horse lets out a long, godalmighty f**..., the kind that sounds like it could s**... paint.
The Queen, embarrassed, leans to Boris and says "I'm sorry about that".
And Boris replies "That's quite alright, ma'am, I thought it was the horse."
Norris: I can defeat any chess champion in three moves or less.
Boris: You know Chess?
Norris: No, Judo
Boris saves Christmas .....
Driver shortages will soon be a thing of the past as Boris has personally ordered 50000 fridge magnets from Amazon today. A reporter asked how that will help to which trolley replies "well we know there are two poles in a magnet..."
Boris Spassky was once asked by a reporter, "Which do you prefer: chess or s**...?".
Spassky replied, "It very much depends on the position".
What do you call it when a fowl chasing Boris Johnson bites him in the b**...?
Chicken cacciatore.
(I'm so sorry.)
