The Best 80 Boring Jokes

Two satellite dishes met on a roof...

They hit it off and decided to get married. The ceremony was boring but the reception was great!

What kind of sex do boring people have?

Banal.

God and Moses

God and Moses were up in heaven when out of the blue Moses said God I really love heaven and find it really cool, but it is starting to get a bit boring up here. Why don't we go down to Earth and have some fun with the local girls down there?

God looked at him sternly and said No way Moses, I did that 2000 years ago and they are still talking about it!

I started work at a drilling site and left soon after.

It was a boring job.

I think me life is like the Truman Show.

I was tryin' ta figure out what type a genre show it be.

I thought, "It might be a drama," but me life isn't sad enough.

I thought, "It might be an action tale," but alas, 'tis too boring.

"Then, perhaps, it be a comedy," I thought, but me life isn't funny, so I cast that idea overboard.

"Well," I thought, "it might be British."

what do you call a boring burrito?

aburrido

Digging tunnels is the most boring thing on Earth.

Math puns are boring

Algebra puns are too linear, arithmetic puns are too basic, trigonometry puns are too graphic, calculus puns are all derivatives. Only the statistic puns are the occasional outlier.

Mayweather was boring tonight...

If only they'd have thrown a woman in the ring, we could have seen him fight.

Some people don't like fracking

But the alternative is boring!

What do you get when Sleeping Beauty gives a lecture...

What do you get when Sleeping Beauty gives a lecture on the Northern Lights to the people of Wonderland?

Aurora boring Alice.

What do you call a boring banana?

unaPEELING

I was at work trying to come up with a joke about drills bits...

...but they were all too boring.

A BLONDE'S THEFT

A blonde goes to the library to get a book. A few days later, she comes back and says to librarian at the counter, "This book was very boring. It had too many characters and too many numbers, so I would like to return it."
The librarian says to her coworkers, "So here's the person who took our phone book!"

5 Tips To Improve Your Writing

1. Contractions aren't necessary.

2. Do not overuse exclamation points!!!!!!

3. Don't be redundant, because it can be boring to read the same things over and over again, just restated.

4. Do not appear condescending to your readers. "Condescending" means to look down upon someone.

5. Do not leave hanging prepositions around.

Girls on dating apps get bombarded with too many lame and boring messages

For them, finding the good ones is like finding a needle in a hey-stack.

Professional women's soccer is so boring.

Why am I even jerking off to this?

Today in class we were talking about sex.

The teacher asked us, "Ok class, does anybody know what the meaning of monotony is?"

I shouted out, "It's very boring!"

It was only in the principal's office that I realized she said monogamy.

**Based on a true story**

My wife thinks our sex life is boring and I get distracted easily..........

Well I Better get back to it....

I went to take an online ADHD test today...

but gave up quickly because it was stupid and boring.

Even if I end up being a civil engineer I won't build tunnels.

Because it's boring.

Volkswagon were pretty dumb to name one of their cars 'Golf'

Why name a car after a slow and boring sport where the hardest part is driving

Not everyone may think digging tunnels is exciting

Some may even call it boring

I have the most boring job of all...

I run an oil drill rig.

The police called me "boring" and released me after only 20 minutes,

I guess I wasn't a person of interest.

I work in a machine tools factory,now i can talk more about my job.........

but its mostly boring.

I think my work is boring and not challenging enough...

I think it's time to apply for a United Airlines Spokesperson position!

Some people find whiteboards boring...

Personally, I find them remarkable.

Why is sex with a hipster so boring?

Because they don't like things that are in.

Why are Bachelors slimmer than the Married Men?

Bachelors return from work. See the same boring stuff in the 'FRIDGE' n go to 'BED'.

Married Men return from work. See the same boring stuff in 'BED' n go to the 'FRIDGE'.

What's the difference between incest and necrophilia?

Incest is relatively boring, necrophilia is dead boring.

you'd think a discussion about water would be boring

but it's never a dry subject

I took at job at Elon Musk's tunnelling company, I quit after two weeks.

It was a boring job.

Hans, how was your first day at the Coast Guard Station?

Not so good... Very boring it was. Very quiet, most of zee day, but zen... a british guy said he was sinking.

He was sinking?

Yes, so I asked him about what he was sinking, and he never replied. How rude!

I once had a job drilling holes

I left because it was boring

A tv show about the earth would be really boring

It would just be the same 4 seasons over and over again being rerun.

Why is building a bridge better than building a tunnel?

One is riveting, the other is boring.

"Sir, you've gone mad with power!"

Of course I have! Have you ever tried going mad without power? It's boring, no one listens to you.

If I had a dollar for everytime someone called me a boring nerd..

I'd have a mean daily income of $5.64 with a standard deviation of $1.25

I went to the KKK rally expecting it to be totally boring.

But you know what? It was all-white.

Why do animals make boring storytellers?

They only have one tail.

Sex with my wife was getting boring so I hired a sexy young assistant.

He takes care of her while I play video games.

Some people say that baseball is a boring sport, I just tell them that with a good pitcher...

Things can get out of hand pretty quickly.

I finally decided to play Fortnite.

It's fun, but it gets boring after a couple of weeks

When the kids said they were going to dig a hole to China . . .

I warned them that it would be boring.

I quit my job drilling ventilation holes in jet engines...

...it was just plane boring.

A guy was on a boring date with a girl, so he said You're the most average girl here . She said You're mean

He said No you are

I've worked in a masochistic shop for years.

It's painfully boring.

Wanna hear a joke about drilling a beautiful hole to the center of the Earth?

Me neither. It's probably a pretty boring pun.

What do you call a boring story about global warming?

Anti-climatic

What's the worst thing of making tunnels?

It's boring

I Used To Have A Job Drilling Holes For Water

It Was Well Boring

I don't find self-deprecating humor funny anymore.

I guess my sense of humor is as boring and worthless now as the rest of my personality always has been

I got a job digging holes.

It's well boring.

My job is to drill holes in things and then bolt them together.

At first it's boring, but later on, it's riveting!

I don't mean to be rude, but the SuperBowl was boring.

No offense.

What do you call the place where bad noodles live?

The Spaghetto

What do you call noodles who can't remember anything?

Forgetti

I'd like to apologize for wasting your time with these terrible jokes, just trying to get pasta really boring morning.

I hope my internet points don't take a hit too, that would cost me a pretty penne.

If sex is dull and boring how do you fix it?

You turn her on and off again

Me: This show is boring...

Boss: Again, this is a Zoom conference!

I hate seeing directors make the same movie. It gets boring, I guess I'm...

Board of directors

Did you hear about the really boring demonstration on unmanned aerial vehicles?

The guy droned for at least an hour.

I made this joke up on the way home from work, sorry if it sucks: A history teacher tells a failing student that those who don't learn from history are doomed to repeat it.

Student: But history is so boring!

Teacher: Well, if you don't do better you'll be retaking it next year.

Student: What??

Teacher: I TOLD you, those who don't learn from history are doomed to repeat it!

Two blondes are driving to Miami for spring break

On a long boring stretch of highway they start complaining about how long it's taking to get there and the driver asks "What do you think is further away, Florida or the moon?" The passenger replies "Oh my God, you give blondes such a bad name. I can't believe how stupid you are, you can't even see Florida from here!"

Elon Musk's tunnel-digging venture just got approved for expansion...

Even more boring than before!

People think camping is boring,

But I say it's in tents.

I hate putting holes in and flattening wood

It's so plane and boring.

I could never be a drill instructor

It sounds like it would be quite boring.

Dad Joke of the year!

# To prove I'm not some boring house dad I went and got a tattoo!

Her: Oh, cool! It's.. uh?

Me: (proudly) It's my thermos! From work!

Her: (reaching towards me) Well, uh, the line work is certainly..

Me: (slaps hand away) Don't touch the thermos tat.

How many boring people does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

One.

Being a taxi driver is boring, nobody ever talks to me. And when they can be bothered to talk, all they say is

"Hang on a minute, I don't live in the woods".

All day I drill holes in metal and bolt them together.

At first it's boring, then it's riveting.

Why is No Nut November so goddamn boring?

It is probably the most anticlimactic month

I became a proud dad today

My son is actually 4 years but he was really boring for the first 3 years

I drew my dog while I was on a boring phone call and I'm really proud of it!

It's a golden doodle.

My wife and I only have sex one way

It's so boring just the one way we have sex. It's called doggy style.

I sit up and beg, she rolls over and plays dead.

That new program on netflix about subliminal persuasion and mind control is a load of boring shit.

Turned it off after just five seasons.

Why did Ohio produce 20 astronauts?

Because it's so boring, the inhabitants want to leave the planet

Yo mama so boring

Her jokes are being banned on the sub

I read japanese jokes

But it was boring. All the punchlines were pixelated.