Bored Jokes

What are some Bored jokes?

Dad: I gave all your toys to the orphanage

Kid: Why did you do that dad?

Dad: So you won't get bored there.

I've been bored recently so I have decided to take up fencing.

The neighbors said they will call the police unless I put it back.

What did grandma and grandpa do before there was Internet?

I mean, didn't they get bored?

I asked my 32 uncles and aunts, but they didn't know either.

A man took his 6-year-old daughter to his office on 'Take your kid to work day'

As they walked around the office, the girl turned visibly upset and soon started crying. Her father asked her what was wrong

As everyone gathered around, she sobbed "Daddy, I'm getting bored walking around the office. Please show me those clowns you said you work with"

Two midgets are sitting around, bored...

When one of them pulls out some weed and asks:

"Wanna get medium?"

I was so bored that I memorized six pages of a dictionary.

I learned next to nothing.

Asian Keanu

Asian Keanu arrives at party.

Asian Keanu gets bored.

Asian Keanu Reeves.

I was tired and bored one night, so I went to the bar to have a few drinks. The bartender asked me, What'll you have? I said, Surprise me.

He showed me a naked picture of my wife.

What does a slave driver do with his slaves when he's bored?

He racism.

I used to play the triangle in a reggae band.

But I got bored and quit because it was just one ting after another.

Is it possible to be bored to death?

That all depends on the drill.

What does my dad do when he's drunk and bored?

Beats me

Two Jehovah's Witnesses knock on someone's door

The house owner opens the door. "Good morning, would you like to learn about God today?" The houseowner was a little bored, and slightly curious, so he lets them in. They slowly enter, and sit down on the couch across from the houseowner. After a few seconds of silence, the houseowner asks, "Well?" The Jehovah's Witnesses look at each other and says to the houseowner, "We don't know what to say, we've never made it this far."

Why did the Hobbit put his phone on silent?

Because he was bored of the rings!

Soon after my girlfriend got pregnant, I got scared. She then got angry and shouted! Then I got high and vanished.

Then we both got bored of Scrabble and had sex.

Obama walks into a bar.....

Some time passes after the 2016 US Presidential election, and Barack Obama passes away from old age. He gets bored after a while in heaven, and asks God if he can return to Earth for a while to see how the good ole' US of A is turning out. God agrees.

Obama returns to Brooklyn, and walks into a bar, ordering a beer. He asks the barkeep "How's the country? How are foreign affairs? Any problems currently being faced?"

"Oh, nothing at all, sir. We're an empire now. We're successful."

"But what about Iraq and Afghanistan? Those were terrorist hotspots not too long ago?"

"We control it now. We're an empire. Everything is good."

"But what about Europe, Asia, and their financial crises?"

"That too has been taken care of. We are now finally an empire."

Pleased at the outlook of the country he once led, Obama asks the bartender for the bill:

"65 rubles, sir", replies the bartender.

The god Thor is bored one day and decided to try out having sex with a mortal woman...

He heads down to earth and finds a beautiful young woman. Pouring on the charm, he convinces her to go to bed with him. He goes back to her place and enjoys her in every possible way, absolutely plowing her with all his god-like strength and endurance. 7 hours later, he rolls off. She's laying there, gasping and panting, shaking, and exhausted from the most incredible sex she's ever had in her life. She can't even speak. All she can do is stroke his chest with a trembling hand. He understands her point, though. He was amazing.

"I've got a confession to make," he says. "I'm actually Thor."

"You're thor!? I'm tho thor, I won't be able to thit down for a week!

I'm bored

Think I will go to the mall, find a great parking spot and sit in my car with my reverse lights on.

The father says to his son: "I brought all your toys to the orphanage."

The son answers: "Why did you do this?!"

"So you don't get bored."

Usain Bolt retires from running...

He has been bored and looking in to a new sport to take up. He's looking through his newspaper when he sees an advert for a new golf course in his home town. He takes a walk down and asks the receptionist about signing up.

Usain Bolt Hi, I'm here to see about joining your new golf course
Receptionist Hmmm I'm not so sure if that would be allowed sir
Usain Bolt Can I ask why? Have you sold all memberships?
Receptionist I'm afraid not sir, you see the owner of the course is rather racist and he won't allow black members. There is another golf course just 15 minutes down the road, I'm sure you can join them
Usain Bolt That is horrible! Do you know who I am? I'm Usain Bolt!
Receptionist Ah ok the other course will only be 5 minutes down the road then

An idiot, a barber, and a bald man go on a journey...

At some point in the journey, they decide to set up camp for the night, so they agree to stay awake in four hour shifts to guard their stuff. The barber, having the first shift, gets bored and so ends up shaving the idiot's head. When his shift ends, he wakes up the idiot, who has the second shift. As he's coming to, the idiot rubs his head and finds he has no hair. "That barber is a right moron!" he exclaims, "He's got it all wrong and woken the bald man instead of me!"

(this joke from the Philogelos, is over a thousand years old

My girlfriend is getting bored of my obsession with pretending to be a detective, she's suggested we should split up.

It's a good idea, we'll cover more ground that way.

Einstein, Newton, and Pascal are hanging out one afternoon.

Einstein is bored, so he suggests, "Let's play hide-and-seek. I'll be it!"

The others agree, so Einstein begins counting. "One... Two... Three..."

Pascal runs off right away to find a place to hide.

But Newton merely takes out a piece of chalk and draws a 1 meter x 1 meter square. He finishes and steps into the square just as Einstein shouts, "Ready or not -- here I come!"

Einstein looks up and immediately spots Newton standing right in front of him. He says, "I found you, Pascal!"

Making your day...

Einstein, Newton, and Pascal are hanging out one afternoon.

Einstein is bored, so he suggests, "Let's play hide-and-seek. I'll be it!"

The others agree, so Einstein begins counting. "One... Two... Three..."

Pascal runs off right away to find a place to hide.

But Newton merely takes out a piece of chalk and draws a mid-sized square. He finishes and steps into the square just as Einstein shouts, "Ready or not -- here I come!"

Einstein looks up and immediately spots Newton standing right in front of him. He says, "I found you, Newton!"

Newton replies, "No, you found one Newton per square meter -- You found Pascal!"

Two Zombies Are Having A Conversation..

Two zombies start talking about their past lives as humans. The main talker is rambling on and on about what he would have been. Suddenly, the second starts walking around normally, not stumbling into everything. The first is amazed and stares at him. "How.. did you do that?", he asks. The second realizes what he's doing and stops, looking back to the first. "Oh, I'm sorry. You just bored me back to life."

Millennials have such short attention spans

Says the generation that got bored of going to the moon by the third time

Bored on lunch, here's one I tell often.

Two hillbilly kids.. Darla and Buckwheat are at school The teacher asks Darla, 'How do you spell 'dumb'?"
Darla says, "d-u-m-b, dumb."
The teacher says, "Very good. Now use it in a sentence."
She responds, "Buckwheat is dumb."

"Now spell 'stupid'."
Darla says, "s-t-u-p-i-d."
The teacher says, "Very good. Now use it in a sentence."
Darla says, "Buckwheat is stupid."

Then the teacher calls on Buckwheat and asks, "Buckwheat, spell dictate."
Buckwheat stands up and says, otay, "d-i-c-t-a-t-e, dictate."

The teacher says, "Very good. Now use it in the a sentence."

"I may be dumb, I may be stupid, but Darla says my dictate good!"

a man goes to japan on a business trip

...and he is bored on his first night so he hires a prostitute. she comes to his room and he furiously screws her. the entire time, she is saying "hoshi mota HOSHI MOTA HOOOSSHIIII MOTAAAAA!!!!!!!" he thought the sex was wonderful. the next day, after a business meeting, he goes to play golf with his business partners, and happens to score a hole in one. everyone is congradulating him in japanese, and he has nothing else to say, so he says "hoshi mota" his partner looks at him with a confused look on his face and says, "what do you mean wrong hole?

Lets talk.

A guy was seated next to a 10-year-old girl on an airplane. Being bored, he turned to the girl and said, "Let's talk. I've heard that flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger."




The girl, who was reading a book, closed it slowly and said to the guy, "What would you like to talk about?"




"Oh, I don't know," said the guy. "How about nuclear power?"



"OK," she said. "That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow and a deer all eat the same stuff... grass. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose that is?"




The guy thought about it and said, "Hmmm, I have no idea."




To which the girl replied, "Do you really feel qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don't know s**t?"

So this guy buys a centipede from the pet store...

he takes it home and sets it up in its aquarium, and lets it get settled in for a while. After a few hours the guy gets bored and goes up to the centipede and asks, "hey, centipede, you wanna go out and get a drink? check out the ladies? you know, just hang out?" But the centipede doesn't say anything. The guy thinks, "it must be getting used to its new environment or whatever," and he goes to bed.

The next day after work, the guy's watching TV and he gets bored, so he goes up to the centipede again and taps on the aquarium glass, and says "HEY, centipede, you wanna go out, get a drink, maybe check out the ladies? Just hang out or whatever?" and the centipede doesn't say anything. The guys thinks, "that's weird, i wonder if it's sick or something. i'm not sure how centipedes are supposed to act i guess." and he shrugs it off and goes to bed.

The third day, after work, the guy gets bored watching TV and goes to the centipede again, this time getting a little exasperated. "HEY! CENTIPEDE! Do you wanna go out and get a DRINK, check out the LADIES or something?" and the centipede yells back, "I heard you the first time man, I'm getting my shoes on!"

A smart scientist amd a blonde girl sit down on a plane.

A very smart man boards a plane and sits down.
A blond girl sits next to him.

He is bored so he says to her

"Let's play a game, I give you a riddle if you cannot find the answer you pay me 5 dollars. If you answer it though you give me a riddle and I don't answer it I'll give you 300$"

She says "OK, I'll go first."

"What goes up a hill on 1 leg and goes down on 2?"

He thinks about it for a while but after about 10 minutes can't find a answer so he Google's it.

Nothing.

He calls scientists and several well educated people. They have no clue.

He, a man of his word gives the 300 dollars to her.


He asks for the answer she shrugs and hands him 5$

What was the bored pasta found doing?

Stroganoff.

Today I was so bored that I put a bit of sugar right in front of an ant.

The ant spent some good minutes eating the sugar, as it left to call his other ant friends, I cleaned it up so they would think she's lying.

A barber, a bald man and an absent-minded professor take a journey together...

They have to camp overnight, and so decide to take turns watching the luggage. When it's the barber's turn, he gets bored, so amuses himself by shaving the head of the professor. When the professor is woken up for his shift, he feels his head, and says "How stupid is that barber? He's woken up the bald man instead of me.


I saw this joke on the Wikipedia article for "joke." It's interesting how, even though this joke is from the third or fourth century, it's still humorous today.

A blonde, brunette, and redhead are stuck on an island 100 miles away from mainland with no communication to anyone else.

The brunette gets fed up with staying on the island with no one to save them so she starts swimming towards the mainland

she gets about 30 miles in, gets too tired and drowns

The redhead also gets too bored on the island and decides to swim for it

she gets 60 miles in and gets too tired and drowns

The blonde, now all alone with no rescue in sight decides to also attempt to swim for it.

she gets 50 miles in, gets tired, decides that she would rather wait for rescue and swims 50 miles back onto the island

What did our parents do when they were bored back in the days before the internet or video games?

I asked this question to my 24 brothers and sisters too...

Physics Joke

Einstein, Newton, and Pascal are all hanging out and bored so they decide to play hide and go seek. Einstein decides to count first, and as they are counting Pascal leaves to hide in a bush. Newton on the other hand draws a box under himself and just stands there. When Einstein is done counting he walks up to Newton and is like,"Newton, you're not even hiding". Newton then says,"Ah, but you found Newtons over meters squared! You found a Pascal!!".

The reunion

Husband goes with his wife to her high school reunion. After meeting several of her friends and former school mates, they are sitting at a table where he is yawning and obviously bored.

The band cranks up and people are beginning to dance....There's a guy on the dance floor living it large, break dancing, moon-walking, back flips, buying drinks for people, the works.

Wife turns to her husband and says, See that guy? 25 years ago he proposed to me and I turned him down." Husband says: "Looks like he's still celebrating!"

[NSFW] "What was your first time like?"

Three friends are chilling in a bar, drinking and talking. One of them asks "What was your first time like?"

The first guy says "My first time was like riding a roller coaster. It started slow, then got really intense and fun, but it ended too quickly."

The second guy says "My first time was like watching a football game. I was having a blast, but she was so bored she was on her phone the entire time."

They both turn to look at the last guy, who sits quietly, thinking, until he finally speaks. "My first time was like learning to ride a bicycle, with my dad holding my shoulders."

A plane is going down...

An airplane of holiday makers is flying over the pacific when the engine fails and takes a nosedive. Everyone dies except for 3: two guys and one girl. They wash up on a beach of a deserted island and set about building a fire, fishing, making a shelter etc. When the sun goes down and they are bored there is only one thing to do, so they do what comes naturally to them . . .
This set up continues untill the girl gets sick, soon after she dies. The two guys are alone. So at night they continue doing what comes naturally to each other . . .
But after a few weeks they feel really bad about doing it so they bury her. . .

A guy is bored of sex with his wife

* Friend: But whats wrong then? Why are you bored?
* Man: I just don't know man, it's not there anymore.
* Friend: Did you already try to spice things up and be a little creative?
* Man: Creative, what are you talking about?
* Friend: Well, we like to get into role playing and play doctor for an hour. Works every time.
* Man: A whole hour?!? How do you keep that up?
* Friend: First I leave her in the waiting room for about 45 minutes.

The clock was bored of his tick-tock...

...so he changed to a better tack-tick.

Got an e-mail today from a "bored housewife 32, looking for some action!".

So I sent her my ironing, that'll keep her busy!

Two whales

There were 2 whales swimming around who were very bored when they saw a boat. One whale says to the other, ''I've got an idea for a laugh, why don't we swim under the boat, blow water from our blowholes, and capsize it."

"Okay," says the other whale.


They proceed to do so and swim back down, laughing all the while.
Then the first whale then says, ''I have an even better idea, now that the fishermen are in the water, why don't we swim back up and eat them?''


The other whale then replies ''No thanks. I'm all for the occasional blow job but I never swallow the seamen."

Noah was feeling bored on the Ark

His wife said, "Why don't you go outside and fish for a little?"

Noah agreed, grabbed his fishing pole and went out on the deck to fish.

He comes back in 10 minutes later, sits down, and pouts.

His wife asks him, "Why did you stop fishing?" and he says,

"I ran out of worms."

Two couples are getting bored with their sex lives, so they decide to swap partners

After a night of wild passionate sex, Mike wakes up, rolls over, kisses his new lover, and says, "Last night was absolutely mind-blowing! Come on. Let's go see how the ladies made out."

There once was a boy named Nate.

There once was a boy named Nate. He lived across the street from a lever, that if it were to be pulled, the world would end.

One day, Nate was bored, so he decided to cross the street and check out this world-ending lever. However, on his way across the street, a truck came speeding down.

This truck driver had two options. Either hit Nate and kill him, or swerve, and hit the lever, ending the world. Not wanting to end the world, the truck driver hit Nate, killing him instantly.

Moral of the story: Better Nate than lever.

A penguin is having some car trouble

So he takes his car to a local mechanic for repairs. The mechanic tells the penguin that it will take about an hour to check and find out what is wrong with his vehicle.


The penguin goes to the waiting room and becomes very bored and antsy. He looks out the front window of the mechanic's shop and sees and ice cream parlor across the street and decides that will be a good way to kill some time.


The penguin goes into the ice cream parlor and orders a three scoop cone of vanilla ice cream. Seeing that the penguin doesn't have opposable thumbs it is very hard to keep a hold of the cone and the penguin makes a huge mess. He gets ice cream all over himself.


The penguin looks at the time and realizes he needs to get back to the mechanic's and doesn't have enough time to clean up.


He goes to the mechanic and asks if he found out what was wrong.


The mechanic says "It looks like you blew a seal."


The penguin responds "No, that's ice cream."

Gambling with Blondes


There was a blonde who was sitting next to a lawyer on an airplane. The lawyer was naturally bored, so he kept bugging the blonde to play a game of intelligence with him.

The blonde was reluctant, so the lawyer offered her 10 to 1 odds. He told
her that every time she could not answer his question, she owed him $5, but every time he could not answer hers, he'd give her $50. The lawyer figured the blonde was so dumb, he could not lose, and the blonde thought for a few minutes and reluctantly accepted to play the game.

The lawyer fires his first question "What is the distance between the Earth and the nearest star?"

Without saying a word the blonde handed him $5. The blonde then asked the lawyer "What goes up a hill with 3 legs and comes back down the hill with 4 legs?"

The lawyer's face looked extremely puzzled. He spent several minutes looking up everything he could on his laptop and then even placed numerous air-to-ground phone calls trying to figure out the answer. Finally, the angry and frustrated lawyer handed the blonde $50.00.

The blonde put the $50 into her purse quickly without saying a word. The lawyer was outraged at this point and asked, "Well, what is answer?"

The blonde glanced at him with a smile on her face and handed him a $5 bill.

Dumb joke I thought of while bored at work.

Why is working at Amazon warehouse like being a coke addict?


You spend 10 hours a day doing nothing but clearing lines.

How to tell someone they have a bad breath nicely ?

"Oh boy I am bored lets brush our teeth"

After Astronomers discovered the Earth rotates about an axis...

They got bored and decided to call it a day!

I was bored, so I spent all day re-arranging my spice rack, only for one of the herb jars to exploded all over me...

I've got way too much thyme on my hands

Two blondes are playing chess

Two blondes are playing chess.
(The joke doesn't end here)

Blond 1: I'm bored of this, let's go do something else.

Blond 2: Yeah, you're right cause your rook and my bishop is all that's left on the board.

(The joke doesn't end here either)



A guy sees them playing and proposes them to play a match with him.
Both of them refuse, saying that he'll win easily.


The guy: You can both play together against me.

The girls: But we would still lose.

The guy:Okay I'll play using only my left hand.

The girls: Yup! That's seems fair enough, lets play.

(It still does not end here)


The blondes obviously lose and the guy leaves.


Blonde 1:That's pathetic! He beat us at chess with his left hand!

Blonde 2:He fooled us!

Blonde 1:How?

Blonde 2:He must be left-handed!

What game should you play if you're bored in a bus full of indians?

Connect the dots.

Dirty joke!! -being a perv is what I do-

So a woman and her boyfriend are driving through the countryside when their car breaks down. They manage to move it to the side of the road, but not much further. For an hour or two, they wait for someone to drive by and help them, but after a while they become bored and get it on.
However, at one point, their car starts to shake so much ( ;-] ) that it rolls over.
The woman can get out, but her husband is trapped.
"Go get help!" He says.
"But I'm not covered!" She replies.
The man reaches for a shoe within his reach."Here. Cover your bottom half with my shoe."
So she takes it and runs, eventually coming across a bus station.
She runs up to a bus driver, clothing the shoe over her private area.
"You've got to help me! My husband is stuck!" The bus driver looks her over, and laughs lightly.
"Sorry, lady. I think he's already too far in."

Finally proves all blondes aren't dumb

Two bored casino dealers are waiting at a craps table. A very attractive blonde lady comes in and wants to bet twenty-thousand dollars on a single roll of the dice. She says, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm completely nude." With that she strips naked from her neck down, and rolls the dice while yelling, "Momma needs new clothes!" She then begins jumping up and down and hugging each of the dealers. Then hollers... "YES! I WIN! I WIN!" With that she picks up her money and clothes and quickly leaves. The dealers just stare at each other dumbfounded. Finally one of them asks, "What did she roll anyway?" The other answers, "I thought YOU were watching!"

How do bored cows sound like?

Meh

Creationism v Feminism

In the beginning god made everything and said it was good.

Then he asked Adam, "Is there anything else you could possibly want?"

Adam replied, "I want a companion. Someone that will always be there for me. Someone that will love me, console me when I'm sad, celebrate with me when I'm happy, and stimulate me when I'm bored. I want a true soul mate."

God says "Ok... But that will cost you an arm and a leg."

Adam sighs and says "Alright then... What can I get for a rib?"

A friend of mine used to be a stripper but she got bored with it.

It's always the same old thong and dance.

Relationships are like a seesaw.

If one of you gets too bored or too fat, the fun's over.

I was a bit paranoid about my sexual prowess after catching my wife filling in a Cosmopolitan questionnaire -

"Is Your Man Bad In Bed?".

"It's just something to do when I'm bored" she protested.

"That's a relief," I replied, as I carried on thrusting.

Three action movie stars are sitting in a bar

So, Sylvester Stallone, Chuck Norris and Arnold Schwarzenegger are sitting in a bar, and Sylvester Stallone is like: "Guys, we should make a movie with the three of us, but I'm all out of ideas at the moment, I'm kind of bored with the standard action flicks."

Chuck says: "Don't you have any ideas?"

"Yeah, this may sound silly, but I was actually thinking about doing a movie on great classical composers"

That's when Arnold trows himself in the conversation and says: "That sounds like a great idea! Sylvester, you can be Mozart, and Chuck can be Beethoven!"

"And who will you be, Arnold?"

"I'll be Bach."

The turtle

There was a lion in the jungle who was getting very bored and very evil. So because he was the king he started a contest with his old friend turle. The contest stated- whoever makes turtle laugh first does not have to suffer death. So he had all his subjects line up in front of turtle. The first in line was zebra, he told the funniest joke the kingdom had hearf in centuries, even lion laughed a little. But turtle stared him in the eye mercilessly and without emotion. The lion looked at zebra and said sorry, rules are rules so he killed him and fed zebra to the hyenas. Then giraffe came and told an equally funny joke to which turtle didnt respond. So he died a terrible death as well. This went on for weeks and weeks and turtle would not laugh. When finally the only animals left were the lion, the turtle, and the hyenas. So lion told the hyenas, bring me your best jokester and we will finish this contest. So the hyenas brought their best comic and he told his joke. The turtles eyes widened he looked at lion and said ha...haha....hahahahahahahahaha! I just got the zebras joke.

Back when I went to college, we didn't have Netflix and Chill.

We had Room and Bored.

What does Harry Potter play with when he's bored?

Ginny Weasley's emotions.

When you're feeling bored and unsatisfied with life, just remember...

That there are some people who think Golf is interesting.

Arguing with a woman is like being attacked by a bear...

You're better off playing dead and hoping they get bored and walk away

Scientists got bored of watching the Earth rotate every 24 hours...

...they decided to call it a day and go home.

What did our parents do when they were bored with no internet?

I asked my 18 brothers and sisters and they didn't know either.

Einstein, Newton and Pascal are hanging out one afternoon...

Einstein is bored, so he suggests a game of hide and seek and pretends to be "It". The others agree, so Einstein begins counting, "One...Two...Three.."

Pascal runs off right away to find a place to hide. But Newton merely takes out a piece of chalk and draws a mid sized square. He finishes and steps into the square just as Einstein shouts, "Ready or not! Here I come!"

Einstein looks up immediately and spots Newton standing right in front of him. He says, "I found you Newton."

Newton laughs and replies, " No! You found one Newton per square meter - you found Pascal."

A man was asked by his cousin to come with him to his hunting lodge...

With them was the cousin's hunting friends. As it was raining the first day, and since none of them didn't feel like spending a whole day out in the wet, they decided to stay inside.

After a while the man got bored and asked his cousin if they couldn't do anything.
The cousin said: "Well, we could tell each other jokes. I'll start."
The cousin thought for a moment and then said "27". And all the other hunters started to laugh.
" Why does everyone laugh? You just said a number."
His cousin explained that since they had heard all these stories a hundred times, they had given them numbers to make them easier to tell. The man thought this was a bit wierd, but he thought why not.
The "storytelling" went on for a while until finally a hunter said a number and the rest started laughing more than before.
The man looked up and asked why this was so funny. The cousin replied, "Oh, we haven't heard this one before."

What did the mountain climber name his horse?

Everest. Any time he is bored I see him Mount Everest.

What does a buffalo do when it's bored?

It goes ka-yaking.

Courtesy of my 10 year old

A zoophil, a murderer, a necrophiliac, a pyromaniac and a sadomasochist were gathered at a party

A zoophil, a murderer, a necrophiliac, a pyromaniac and a sadomasochist were gathered at a party. After a while they started to get bored, and the zoophile suggested they go out to find a cat they could rape. The killer was enthusiastic and suggested they kill it afterwards. The necrophilic was happy and wanted to sleep with it after it was dead. The pyromaniac looks at the others with wide eyes and suggest they burn it afterwards. Everyone looks at the sadomasochist and asks him: So what do you have to contribute to this conversation?

The sadomasochist: Mjaaauuu ...

Adam's discussion with God

So Adam is walking around the Garden of Eden and he calls out to God that he's kinda bored and lonely. He asks God if he can create someone who is kind and admires and serves him(Adam) in every way. God responds He can, but it's going to cost an arm and a leg, so Adam asks what he can get for a rib.

When I'm bored I love seeing how many different watches I can strap onto my wrists.

I have too much time on my hands.

Einstein, Newton, and Pascal are hanging out one afternoon.

Einstein is bored, so he suggests, "Let's play hide-and-seek. I'll be it!"

The others agree, so Einstein begins counting. "One... Two... Three..."

Pascal runs off right away to find a place to hide.

But Newton merely takes out a piece of chalk and draws a mid-sized square. He finishes and steps into the square just as Einstein shouts, "Ready or not -- here I come!"

Einstein looks up and immediately spots Newton standing right in front of him. He says, "I found you, Newton!"

Newton replies, "No, you found one Newton per square meter -- You found Pascal!"

A blonde, brunette, and a redhead are stranded on an island.

One day the blond comes running up to the others screaming that she found a magic lamp.

The others bored out of their minds decides to follow.

They finally show up to the spot and they see a really old lamp.

The brunette picks it up and wipes some dust off of it.

A genie pops out and says "You three who have disturbed my slumber, I will give you each one wish, so that I may sleep for a hundred more years."

The brunette, holding the lamp decides to go first. "I wish I were home with my family again." *POOF* and she vanishes.

The redhead goes next and says, "I wish I were back home with my boyfriend." *POOF* and she vanishes."

The blonde has no clue what to wish for, and the genie is getting impatient. She finally says "I don't know ask for... I wish my friends were here to help me decide."

I just bought a border collie

The one I already had wasn't bored enough.

What do you get when you watch a lumberjack chop down a tree?

bored.


ha^ha

What's the difference between a monkey flinging poo at the zoo and someone posting political memes on Facebook?

Answer: One is the sad, desparate attempt of a poor creature with little freedom to get attention from strangers, and the other is just something animals at the zoo do when they're bored.

A child was continually asking his Mom to buy him a hamster.

When she did, the child looked after it for a couple of days, but soon he got bored, and it became the Mom's responsibility to feed it.
One day she got upset with the her son's carelessness and asked him, "How many times do you think this hamster would have died until now, if I wasn't looking after it?"
The child replied, "Um, I don't know. Once?"

Today I got bored and went to a seafood restaurant... [OC- would like opinions]

Just for the halibut.

I was getting really bored of my normal day to day life...

So I developed Parkinson's to shake things up a bit

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