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Border Jokes

194 border jokes and hilarious border puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about border that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Laugh out loud at these hilarious border jokes! Enjoy these jokes about crossing the border, customs, frontier, smuggling, and more, as well as jokes about the popular Border Collie, Border Terrier, and Border Hopper dog breeds. Whether you're in Canada or looking to cross the international Canadian border, these jokes are sure to bring a smile to your face!

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Funniest Border Short Jokes

Short border jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The border humour may include short boundary jokes also.

  1. Call me a racist if you want, but south of the border is a sea of violence, corruption and stupidity I wouldn't touch with a ten foot pole. Thank god I live in Canada
  2. A man crosses the mexican border seeking better living conditions for his family. Then his constituency calls for him to resign as a senator from Texas.
  3. A Russian Tourist Travels Abroad. Border guard: Nationality?
    tourist: Russian.
    Border guard: Occupation?
    Tourist: No, no, just visiting this time.
  4. A German tourist comes to France ...a border control asks him
    "Occupation?"
    German: No just visiting.
  5. Who says building a border wall won't work? The Chinese built one over 2,000 years ago and they still don't have any Mexicans.
  6. What flavor gum does the President prefer? Governmint
    Ill walk myself to the nearest border
  7. What`s the difference between a Doctors Without Borders hospital and ISIS? How would I know, I`m just a US air force Operator.
  8. I've heard that argentina is starting to get a little colder... In fact, it's bordering on Chile
  9. Why does Missouri share borders with the most amount of States? Because Missouri loves company
  10. They should send Hillary Clinton to the U.S. Mexico border Since no one can get over her...

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Border One Liners

Which border one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with border? I can suggest the ones about bars and boarder.

  1. I hate people who take drugs For example, border security.
  2. What borders stupidity? Mexico & Canada
  3. Why do only 2 Mexicans cross the border at a time? Because the sign says no trespassing.
  4. Why do Mexicans always cross the border in twos? Because the sign says No Tres passing
  5. Why does the american border patrol guard take Xanax? To stop hispanic attacks.
  6. Why don't Mexicans cross the border in groups of three? Because it says "No Trespassing".
  7. When talking about opinions on border control, Remember: Lefty loosey
    Righty tighty
  8. Why don't Mexicans cross the border in 3's? No tres passing
  9. Some say that Mexicans are bordering on the insane... But so what? So are Canadians.
  10. I hate people who take drugs... Especially border control.
  11. Where does a race on the Swedish border end at? The Finnish line.
  12. What borders on silly? México & Canada
  13. I'll tell you what is bordering on the ridiculous... Canada.
  14. What is the sign for a U-turn in Finland? "You are approaching the Russian border."
  15. What borders on stupidity? Canada and Mexico

    (German Joke)

Crossing The Border Jokes

Here is a list of funny crossing the border jokes and even better crossing the border puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • In honor of Cinco De mayo - Why do Mexicans cross the border two at a time? Because the signs say "No Trespassing".
  • Why did only 2 Mexicans cross the border? The sign said "No Trespassing"
    (TRES-Passing)
  • Why doesn't Mexico have an olympic team? Because everyone who could jump, run, and swim have already crossed the border.
  • You know, I really hate Mexican jokes that rely on sterotypes They just cross the border.
  • What do you get when you cross a border collie with a pit bull? A dog that is smart enough to bury the bodies.
  • What do you call an unsuccessful migrant trying to illegally cross the U.S. southern border? A Mexi*cant*
  • What do refugees and black humour have in common? They are crossing borders and some people feel offended by them.
  • Why did the US citizen cross the road? To cross the border into Canada.
  • What do you call a Mexican in Canada? ACCOMPLISHED. They crossed two borders!
  • Border officer: Do you have anything to declare? Traveller: Only an undying love of travel puns.
    Border officer: ...You just crossed a line, kid.

Cross Border Jokes

Here is a list of funny cross border jokes and even better cross border puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Some jokes on Mexicans can be funny, but a lot of the times they cross the border.
    ^^^^^OC ^^^^^but ^^^^^rephrased
  • I just found out that no lines of latitude pass through Finland! As they cross the border, that's the Finish line.
  • Mexico is starting to build a wall They're worried about the Americans crossing the border when Trump is elected.
  • Crossing the border the customs officer asked me I had any drugs or firearms, to which I responded... ...what do you need?
  • A German crosses the French border... A French customs officer stops him and asks him some questions.
    'Name?'
    'Baer Vitme.'
    'Residence?'
    'Ludwigslust.'
    'Occupation?'
    'Not yet, just visiting!'
  • How did the international good shipment feel as it crossed the border? Tarrified.
  • COVID-19 news: Finland forced to close their borders again No one will be crossing the finish line.
  • A Russian goes to Ukraine As a Russian prepares to cross the Ukrainian border, the border guard asks, Occupation?
    No, says the Russian. Just visiting.
  • What do you call a Mexican that can't cross the border? A Mexi*can't*
  • German tourist crosses Polish border German tourist crosses Polish border. Border guards ask him:
    -Name?
    -Hans
    -Surname?
    -Schmidt
    -Occupation?
    -No, just traveling.
Border joke, German tourist crosses Polish border

Crossing Border Jokes

Here is a list of funny crossing border jokes and even better crossing border puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • I was crossing the border from USA to Canada, and the border patrol Mountie asked me if I had any guns. I said, what do you need?
    Steve Wright gets credit
  • Hurricane Bud is expected to pass over Mexico and cross the border into the United States. By the time it reaches us, it'll be Bud Lite.
  • Guys we should stop saying these Mexican jokes... (To be said after few Mexican jokes) We're crossing the border
  • A gay having a crush on you is like finding a million pesos. It doesn't do me good, until you cross that border.
  • Trump's Wall Won't Matter People will still find a way to cross the border. There's a reason why they're called Mexicans, not Mexican'ts
  • Trump's Plan... Maybe Trump's real plan is to make Americans so intolerable that the rest of the world doesn't want to cross America's borders.
  • I would tell a mexican joke.. I would tell a Mexican joke but that would be crossing the border..
  • I've heard the White House is developing a machine to identify Mexicans before they cross the border. They're calling it Minority Deport.
  • Being complemented by a gay guy is like getting a million Pesos... It's useless until you cross that border
  • I hate the useless, violent swarm of people who cross the border and refuse to speak the local language. I'm talking, of course, about American college students on vacation here in Cancun.

Crossed Border Jokes

Here is a list of funny crossed border jokes and even better crossed border puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • What do you call a border crossing Mexican. A jumping bean.
  • What line is crossed on Black friday that instantly makes people go crazy? The border into the US
  • A Mexican wont help you cross the street But he will definitely help you cross the border
  • What do you call a cross between a dog and a vegetable? A border collieflower
  • Why did Jesus resume his ministry in the United States? Because he promised himself he'll only cross the border once.
  • ProLifeTip for border crossings: when they ask Any drugs or weapons? The correct response is not Why, what do you need?
  • How can China win the war against Russia? Easy. 200 000 000 Chinese troops cross the border. And then just surrender.
  • Ohhhhh, did I cross the border with that joke? I'm very sorry... I'm kurdish. We have no borders...
  • A Mexican Class Topper Recounts "Graduating was harder than crossing the border."
  • Mexico rarely wins Olympic medals. All Mexicans who can run, jump or swim already crossed the border.

Border Collie Jokes

Here is a list of funny border collie jokes and even better border collie puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • I want to get a border collie. The one I have isn't bored enough.
  • I used to have a border collie... ...then my parents fed him too much and he became husky.
  • I just bought a border collie The one I already had wasn't bored enough.
  • I was totally shocked that my Border Collie loved the Harry Potter movies I mean, he completely hated the books
  • What kind of dogs will patrol the Trump wall? Border Collies!
    I just came up with this after not sleeping for 30+ hours. Sorry for the cheesy goodness.
  • What's Donald Trump's favorite dog breed? A close-the-border collie.
  • How many Border Collies does it take to screw in a light bulb? Just one. And I can fix any loose wiring while I'm at it.
  • What does Arizona name Colorado? Border Collie
  • Border collies are not very i**...... You know what dogs *are* i**...?
    Hotdogs.
Border joke, Border collies are not very i**......

Make fun with this list of one liners, jokes and riddles. Each joke is crafted with thought and creativity, delivering punchlines that are unexpected and witty. The humor about border can easily lighten the mood and bring smiles to people's faces. This compilation of border puns is not just entertaining but also a testament to the art of joke-telling. The jokes in this list are designed to display different humor styles, ensuring that every reader at any age finds something entertaining. Constantly updated, they offer a source of fun that ensures one is always smiling !

Playful Border Jokes to Add Joy and Laughter to Your Group

What funny jokes about border you can tell and make people laugh? One example I can give are clean bridge jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help make border prank.

A weather report for you

I just got off the phone with a friend living in North Dakota near the Canadian Border. He said that since early this morning the snow has been coming down, it is nearly waist high and is still falling. The temperature is dropping way below zero and the north wind is increasing to near gale force. His wife has done nothing but look through the kitchen window and just stare. He says that if it gets much worse, he may have to let her in.

A large group of Russian soldiers...

A large group of Russian soldiers in the border area in 1939 are moving down a road when they hear a voice call from behind a small hill: "One Finnish soldier is better than ten Russian". The Russian commander quickly orders 10 of his best men over the hill where a gun-battle breaks out and continues for a few minutes, then silence. The voice once again calls out: "One Finn is better than one hundred Russians."
Furious, the Russian commander sends his next best 100 troops over the hill and instantly a huge gun fight commences. After 10 minutes of battle, again silence.
The calm Finnish voice calls out again: "One Finn is better than one thousand Russians!"
The enraged Russian commander musters 1000 fighters and sends them to the other side of the hill. Rifle fire, machine guns, grenades, rockets and cannon fire ring out as a terrible battle is fought.... Then silence.
Eventually one badly wounded Russian fighter crawls back over the hill and with his dying words tells his commander,
"Don't send any more men......it's a trap. There are two of them."

Why does Mexico never wins any medals at the Olympic Games?

Because everyone who runs, swims, or jump really well is already across the border.

Greek/German joke I heard recently

So Angela Merkel decides to try to shore up some Euro solidarity by taking a vacation in Greece. When she gets to the border crossing, the guard looks over her papers and asks her "occupation?" "No," she replies, "just a vacation this time."

why aren't there Olympics in Mexico?

Because anyone who can run, jump, or swim is already across the border

An American customs agent and an Canadian customs agent are having a beer after a long week.

The Canadian says "Man, you wouldn't believe this dumb American r**... trying to cross the border. I ask him 'Do you have any weapons, son?' and the kid says "Sure, whatcha need?'"
The American scoffs. "I got you beat. About three weeks ago, this dumb Canadian punk comes down. I ask him 'Are you carrying any fruits or vegetables?' The kid thinks for a second and says 'Is m**... a vegetable?'"

Cold Cold Canada.

There was an elderly couple who lived in a small house, right s**... dab on the U.S. and Canadian border. For several years the two goverments had argued over which nation the house belonged to. One day the elderly couple recived a letter stating that they were now considered full American citizens and there property was deemed as American soil. After reading this the old woman looks to her husband as says "Thank goodness, No more of those cold Canadian winters.

What's the first place Dora explored?

The mexican border.

The Polish farmer

During WW2, a team of German and Soviet surveyors went through Poland to split the country.
One day they found a farm placed directly over the planned border. The surveyors agreed that the border couldn't be drawn through the house, and decided to ask the farmer.
- Do you want to belong to Soviet or Germany?, they asked him.
After some thinking, the farmer answered
- I'd like to belong to Germany.
- Why is that?
- Oh - I've heard the Russian winters are very cold

So Juan, Pablo, and Jose are all attempting to cross the border legally...

A border guard stops when he sees only one of them has the correct papers, and says
'Whoa whoa whoa there can be only Juan!'
I'll see myself out

Vacations

Russian military tank crosses the border into Finland and a Russian soldier steps out.
"Good morning," says the Border police, "Name?"
"Ivan Ivanovich."
"Occupation?"
"No, just a vacation."

A Russian comes to the Ukrainian border

A Russian comes to the Ukrainian border.
The Ukrainian border guard asks, "Name?"
The Russian answers, "Boris."
The border guard asks, "Occupation?"
The Russian says, "No, just visiting."

Twice a week, a Belgian riding a bicycle crossed the German border...

And he always carried a suitcase filled with sand.
Each time, the customs officials searched his suitcase for contraband, but always in vain.
Sometimes, they even emptied all the sand out, expecting to find some i**... item.
They racked their brains but never found anything.
It was many years later, long after the Belgian had vanished from the scene that they learned the truth.
He had been smuggling bicycles.

Why do Central Americans hop the U.S. Border in groups of 4 or more?

Because the sign says no tres-passing.

Five guys in an audi Quattro...

...arrive at the Italian border.
The Italian customs officer stops them and says,
"It'sa i**... to p**... five people in a Quattro."
"What are you talking about?" the driver asked.
"Quattro meansa four, and you are five-a people."
"Quattro is just the name of the car."
"Don'ta think you can fool me! Quattro meansa four and you are five-a people, you are breakinga the law."
"You idiot! Call your supervisor, I need to speak with someone with more intelligence!"
"He can'ta come."
"Why not?"
"He'sa busy witha two guys in an Uno."

Turkey shot down Syrian helicopter at the border.

How did they train it to do that?

A North-Korean officer pulls out a megaphone at the North and South Korean border and yells "Kim Jong-Un is an idiot!" and gets sent to 31 years in a labor camp.

1 year for insulting the Dear Leader and 30 years for revealing a state secret.

A joke I heard some time ago

A texan man is driving over the Mexican border with his family. The border guard looks out his booth and notices the jam-packed pickup truck with trailer.
Raising an eyebrow he asks the man: "Planning a longer stay, sir?"
"We're emigrating." the man replies.
Visibly surprised the guard asks: "Why's that?"
The man responds: "Thirty years ago homosexuality was despised. Twenty years ago it became tolerated. Ten ago it was widely accepted. This year it became equal. We're leaving before it becomes mandatory."

A border patrol officer stops a Mexican immigrant...

...on his way in to the U.S.
He says to the Mexican: "If you can make a whole sentence using the words Green, Pink and Yellow, Ill let you in with no delay"
The Mexican pauses to think for a few minutes then replies: "The phone goes Green-Green, I Pink it up and I say Yellow"

How do you get a Mexican across the border using only math?

Carry the Juan

An experienced customs officer is having a shift on the border

At some point he sees a man pushing a bicycle with a huge sack thrown over the seat. He stops him at the border.
"What do you have in this sack?"
"Sand."
"Well let me check."
The officer opens up the bag and indeed it's full of sand. He searches it throughly, but there's nothing else, so he lets the man go.
The next day the same man shows up, again pushing a bicycle with a huge sack thrown over the seat, and again there was nothing but sand in it.
After a few days of this playing out, the customs officer holds up the man a little longer.
"Listen pal, I've been in this job for 10 years now, I can recognize a smuggler from a mile away. I have no definite proof, but I know you have been taking something past this border and it's driving me crazy. Let's make a deal - you tell me what you are smuggling and I won't stop you any more. So what is it?"
And the man replied.
"Bicycles."

A farmer wanted to know how many sheep he had...

So he asked his border collie to count them from him.
The dog ran off counted the sheep and ran back to the farmer.
"So how many sheep do I have?" Asked the farmer.
"40" said the border collie.
"How can there be 40?" Asked the farmer. "I only bought 38."
The dog replies, "I rounded them up."

Sheep

At the end of the day, a border collie reported back to the grazier, "All fifty sheep accounted for, boss!"
"Wait, I only have 48 sheep!" he replied.
"I know," said the dog, "but I rounded them up."

What is the area at the Danish/German border called?

The DaneGer zone!
I'll show myself out.

I see a border patrol car drive by...

So I ask my mexican co-woker if he has his visa. He looks at me cofused for a minute then says "no no I only have debit card" (true story)

Crossing the Border

A young Mexican man decides he wants to see a bit of America. He swims across the Rio Grande and finds a college football game about to start. He doesn't have any money to get in, so he climbs a flag pole to watch the game. Later that night he swims back across the river and tells his family how friendly the Americans all were, as they all turned to him at the start of the game and asked together, "Jose, can you see?"

A German is at the border to go to Poland.

The officer asks him:
Name?
Hans Gruber.
Address?
123 SpiegelStrasse, Berlin
Occupation?
Nein, just visiting.

People are always saying Americans are fat, violent, and above all else, s**...

But every time I see one of those statistics maps about how terrible we are, there's this little country on the northwest border of Canada that's just as bad as we are.

Once an American asked a Mexican..

"What separates dogs and Mexicans?"
The Mexican said, "A border".

Mexico was pretty livid when Donald Trump announced his plan to build a wall along the southern border of the United States...

...But once it's erected and complete, I'm sure they'll manage to get over it.

A German man goes on holiday

to Poland, he gets stopped at the border (because it's an out of date joke), and the border guard checks his papers and decides to ask him a few questions
"Name?"
"Hans Schmidt"
"Age?"
"32"
"Place of birth?"
"Dusseldorf"
"Occupation?"
"No, just visiting"

A Russian grandpa arrives at German airport

He goes to the young girl who is in charge of border control and she asks after checking the passport
"Good morning, First time in Germany?"
"First time I'm visiting my son who lives here, but I've been here before"
"Weird, your passport doesn't have a stamp on it, How did you arrive last time?"
"T-34, I was the gunner"

Mexicans WILL build the wall...

Upon contract of Canadian goverment for their owm southern border!

A cop pulls an i**... immigrant over near the US-Mexico border and asks "Papers?"

The immigrant responds "Scissors" and drives away

Two Russians, Vlad and Ivan, decided to have a race.

Both long distance runners, they decided the end would be a large rock a few miles past the Russia-Finland border.
Vlad was ahead for most of the race, but he faltered soon after the border and was passed by Ivan, who won.
"I told you I would win!" said Ivan.
"You may have won," replied Vlad, "but I beat you to the Finnish line."

If it's yellow, let it mellow

If it's brown, stop it at the border and submit it to extreme vetting.

A Mexican attempts to pass the border

A border control officer catches them and says, "Papers."
The Mexican replied, "Scissors."
The border control officer replied,"d**...! Well, you're free to go!"

I like my women like I like my coffee.

Wrapped in a burlap sack and hauled across the border on a donkey by Juan Valdez.

Jose and the Game.

Jose snuck across the border to America from Mexico and wanted to go a baseball game so when he went home, he could tell his family all about it. When he got there, the game was sold out, so he decided to climb to the top of a flag pole to get a better look. When he returned home, his family was anxious to hear about his experience:
"What happened?" asked his family.
"Well, America is the nicest place in the world!!" he said. "Before the game started, all the people in the stands and all the players stood up, looked at me and said, "Jose, can you see?"

What borders obesity?

Mexico and Canada

Why do people cheer when they reach the Finland border?

It's the Finnish line.

A Mexican gets caught by a border patrol agent..

The border patrol agent says to the Mexican,
"If you can put these 3 words in a sentence I will let you go. The words are green, pink and yellow."
The Mexican thinks for a second,
"The phone goes green green green, I pink it up and I say yellow."

A german man goes to Poland. Crossing the border, the guard asks reviews his documents.

Pole: Name?
German: Hans Guttermark
Pole: Age?
German: Neunundzwanzig.
Pole: Occupation?
German: *smiles* Nein, just visiting!

A German man was crossing the border into France...

The French border guard asked to see his papers, as he skimmed through them he ran off a stream of questions.
"Name?"
The German smiled, "Hans Lehrer"
"Age?"
The German replied, "37"
"Occupation?"
The German shook his head,
"No, not this time."

Have I ever told you guys about how I escaped from the Middle East?

Iran.
Oman the whole story is ridiculous.
I basically had to Qatar cross the border.
Just like Bon Jovi, I was basically Lebanon a prayer the whole time.
I know it doesn't sound like a true story, but I assure you Israel.
Honestly I could tell you more but it Kuwait.

How will a border wall keep us safe...

If it keeps Americans IN?

What do you call a cauliflower growing at the edge of a garden?

a border cauli!

Trump, Merkel and Kim Jong-un are in the Middle East being chased by ISIS:

Trump turns to them and shouts: "Stop chasing us and I'll pay you a million dollars!" The terrorists continued.
Then Merkel turns to them and shouts: "Stop chasing us and I'll give you German citizenship!" The terrorists still kept chasing.
Then Kim Jong-un turns and shouts: "You are about to cross the border into the People's Democratic Republic of Korea. Welcome!"
The terrorists screamed and turned to run away.

A German is visiting France.

The border patrol officer asks, "name?"
Hans Mueller.
"Occupation?"
No, just visiting this time.

China has a border wall

And they have no Mexicans

Me and the wife love Skunks and decided to smuggle one home but had to get past border control, the wife says how we going to do this? I said put it down your p**..., she said what about the smell?

I said, well if it dies it dies...

U.S Border Patrol

Putting the panic in Hispanic

It's a shame the immigrants and their kids at the U.S. border aren't named Church and State

then the GOP would never separate them.

We are really concerned with what's going on South of the Border with all the drugs gun violence and now this new Dictatorship

I am Canadian

A border patrol official comes into the Oval Office and says to Trump...

"Sir, because of the trauma of being separated from their parents, three Brazilian children fell deeply sick last night." Trump looks absolutely devastated. He sinks back in his chair, murmuring "oh my god" to himself over and over. Then he composes himself and says: "Okay. Just remind me, how many are there in a brazillion?"

You can makes jokes about anything, just not i**....

That's crossing the border.

I used to be a cashier at a gas station on the Canadian border.

I would always ask what currency people would be paying with, but I stopped after a woman screamed at me for assuming her tender.

A geman goes to the french border

A german goes to the french border and talks to an customs agent.
Agent: "Occupation?"
German: "Not today"

A farmer wants to know...

A farmer wants to know how many sheep he has in his field, so he asks his border collie to count them. The dog runs into the field, counts them and runs back to the farmer. The farmer says, "How many?" The dog says, "40." The farmer is surprised and says, "How can there be 40 - I only bought 38!" The dog says, "I rounded them up."

A British tourist goes to Australia..

Border agent: do you have any criminal convictions?
Tourist: I didn't know they were still a requirement.

Border joke, A British tourist goes to Australia..

jokes about border

Jokes are a form of humor that often involves clever wordplay, puns or unexpected twists in a story. These are usually short narratives or anecdotes crafted with the intent of amusing its audience by ending in an unexpected or humorous punchline. Jokes are a universal form of entertainment that people of all ages like adults, teens, kids and toddlers can enjoy. JokoJokes' FAQ section has answers to questions you may have!

The impact of these border jokes can be both social and psychological. They can help to ease tensions, create bonds between people, and even improve overall mental health. The success of a joke often relies on the delivery, timing, and audience. Jokes can be used in various settings, from social gatherings to professional presentations, and are often employed to lighten the mood or enhance a story.