border Jokes

funny jokes and hilarious border stories

What are the best Border puns and pranks?

Did you ever wanted to prank someone about Border? Well here is a complete list of Border dad jokes:

Call me a racist if you want, but south of the border is a sea of violence, corruption and stupidity I wouldn't touch with a ten foot pole.

I just thank my lucky stars I live in Canada.

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Why don't Mexicans cross the border in groups of three?

Because it says "No Trespassing".

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"Fifty Bucks is Fifty Bucks" reminded me of this one.

A man and his wife were driving from New York to California. Along the way the wife would find every little thing wrong with her husband's driving.
"You're driving too fast." "You missed that exit." "You're tailgating."
This went on throughout the trip. As their car crossed the border into Colorado, a cop flashed his lights and the man pulled over. The cop walks up to the driver's side and the man rolls down his window.
"Hey, Buddy, didn't you notice your wife fell out of the car about a quarter-mile back?"
The man said to the cop: "Thank God, I thought I went deaf."

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A weather report for you

I just got off the phone with a friend living in North Dakota near the Canadian Border. He said that since early this morning the snow has been coming down, it is nearly waist high and is still falling. The temperature is dropping way below zero and the north wind is increasing to near gale force. His wife has done nothing but look through the kitchen window and just stare. He says that if it gets much worse, he may have to let her in.

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Five guys in an Audi Quattro...

...arrive at the Italian border.
The Italian customs officer stops them and says,

"It'sa illegal to puta five people in a Quattro."

"What are you talking about?" the driver asked.

"Quattro meansa four, and you are five-a people."

"Quattro is just the name of the car."

"Don'ta think you can fool me! Quattro meansa four and you are five-a people, you are breakinga the law."

"You idiot! Call your supervisor, I need to speak with someone with more intelligence!"

"He can'ta come."

"Why not?"

"He'sa busy witha two guys in an Uno."

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An Israeli soldier who just enlisted asked the Commanding Officer for a 3 day pass.

The CO says, "Are you crazy? You just joined the Israeli army, and you already want a 3 day pass? You must do something spectacular for that recognition!"

So the soldier comes back a day later in an Arab tank! The CO was so impressed, he asked, "How did you do it?"

"Well, I jumped in a tank, and went toward the border with the Arabs. I approached the border, and saw an Arab tank. I put my white flag up, the Arab tank put his white flag up. I said to the Arab soldier, 'Do you want to get a 3 day pass?' So we exchanged tanks!"

β€”Henny Youngman

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The Polish farmer

During WW2, a team of German and Soviet surveyors went through Poland to split the country.
One day they found a farm placed directly over the planned border. The surveyors agreed that the border couldn't be drawn through the house, and decided to ask the farmer.
- Do you want to belong to Soviet or Germany?, they asked him.
After some thinking, the farmer answered
- I'd like to belong to Germany.
- Why is that?
- Oh - I've heard the Russian winters are very cold

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A Polish guy finds a lamp buried in the sand

As per usual, a genie comes out and offers him three wishes.

The Polish guy things for a moment and says, "I wish for all of Ghengis Khan's armies to go rampaging across the steppes to the border of Poland, then turn around and go home."

"All right," the genie says, "Done. What's your second wish?"

"I wish for all the Mongol hordes of Asia to go rampaging across the steppes to the border of Poland, then turn around and go home."

"Are you sure?" asks the genie. "It's the same as the first one." The Polish guy confirms that yes, this is his wish. "All right, and your third wish is...?"

Sure enough, the Polish guy wishes for all the legions of Mongolia to go rampaging across the steppes to the borders of Poland then turn around and return east.

"Fine," the Genie says, "Done. But come on, what the hell?"

The Polish guy smiles. "Russia has just been sacked and burned SIX TIMES!"

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Cold Cold Canada.

There was an elderly couple who lived in a small house, right smack dab on the U.S. and Canadian border. For several years the two goverments had argued over which nation the house belonged to. One day the elderly couple recived a letter stating that they were now considered full American citizens and there property was deemed as American soil. After reading this the old woman looks to her husband as says "Thank goodness, No more of those cold Canadian winters.

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Greek/German joke I heard recently

So Angela Merkel decides to try to shore up some Euro solidarity by taking a vacation in Greece. When she gets to the border crossing, the guard looks over her papers and asks her "occupation?" "No," she replies, "just a vacation this time."

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A Russian comes to the Ukrainian border

A Russian comes to the Ukrainian border.

The Ukrainian border guard asks, "Name?"

The Russian answers, "Boris."

The border guard asks, "Occupation?"

The Russian says, "No, just visiting."

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Why do Mexicans cross the border in pairs?

Because it's says "No *Tres*passing.

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Twice a week, a Belgian riding a bicycle crossed the German border...

And he always carried a suitcase filled with sand.
Each time, the customs officials searched his suitcase for contraband, but always in vain.
Sometimes, they even emptied all the sand out, expecting to find some illegal item.
They racked their brains but never found anything.
It was many years later, long after the Belgian had vanished from the scene that they learned the truth.

He had been smuggling bicycles.

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Why did only 2 Mexicans cross the border?

The sign said "No Trespassing"







(TRES-Passing)

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Why doesn't Mexico have an olympic team?

Because everyone who could jump, run, and swim have already crossed the border.

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A Canadian woman living near the border

A Canadian woman lives with her family in a forest near the border with the US. One autumn morning, her son comes home from town holding a letter. He approaches the woman and says:

"According to this letter, the United States wants to consider this area as part of Montana. The Canadian government agrees, but says that since we're the only family living here, they want our permission to sign this land over to the US."

The woman jumps out of her chair and exclaims, "Where do I sign? I don't think I can stand another Canadian winter!"

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So Juan, Pablo, and Jose are all attempting to cross the border legally...

A border guard stops when he sees only one of them has the correct papers, and says
'Whoa whoa whoa there can be only Juan!'

I'll see myself out

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Why do Mexicans never cross the border in groups of 3?

Because the sign says no tres-passing.

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Why does Mexico never wins any medals at the Olympic Games?

Because everyone who runs, swims, or jump really well is already across the border.

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Why doesn't Mexico have an olympic team?

Because anyone that can run, jump or swim is already over the border!

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What do you get when you cross a border collie with a pit bull?

A dog that is smart enough to bury the bodies.

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I just got off the phone with a friend living in North Dakota near the Canadian Border.

She said that since early this morning, the snow has been coming down, and it is nearly waist high and still falling. The temperature is dropping way below zero and the wind is increasing to near gale force. Her husband has done nothing but look through the kitchen window and just stare. She said that if it gets much worse, she may have to let him in.

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The smart smuggler

A shrewd businessman was crossing a border with two donkeys and some luggage. The border guard stops him and checks the packs, but finds nothing in them. He lets him pass.

This cycle repeats itself, with the businessman crossing the border back and forth, and the border guard never finding anything. Many years later, both the businessman and guard are retired and by chance meet up at a coffee house.

The guard sees that the businessman is very rich, so he asks him "Please answer honestly. I know you were smuggling something, but I can't for the life of me figure out what. What was it?"

The businessman replies: "Donkeys!"

This is a story from one of the adventures of a Persian sage called Mulla Nasrudin. Nasrudin's stories are both wise and funny. If you enjoy this one, I can post more. I had a book about these stories and remember quite a few.

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why aren't there Olympics in Mexico?

Because anyone who can run, jump, or swim is already across the border

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Vacations

Russian military tank crosses the border into Finland and a Russian soldier steps out.


"Good morning," says the Border police, "Name?"


"Ivan Ivanovich."


"Occupation?"


"No, just a vacation."

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I want to make a joke about Mexicans...

... but I don't want to cross the border.

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An American customs agent and an Canadian customs agent are having a beer after a long week.

The Canadian says "Man, you wouldn't believe this dumb American redneck trying to cross the border. I ask him 'Do you have any weapons, son?' and the kid says "Sure, whatcha need?'"

The American scoffs. "I got you beat. About three weeks ago, this dumb Canadian punk comes down. I ask him 'Are you carrying any fruits or vegetables?' The kid thinks for a second and says 'Is marijuana a vegetable?'"

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Why do Central Americans hop the U.S. Border in groups of 4 or more?

Because the sign says no tres-passing.

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Why do mexicans only cross the border in pairs?

Because the sign reads no "tres"passing.

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What's the first place Dora explored?

The mexican border.

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I had to make a difficult decision when arrested at the border on the way to Mecca...

I was caught between Iraq and a Hajj place.

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I just bought a border collie

The one I already had wasn't bored enough.

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Redneck husband and wife are smuggling a couple skunks across the border.

As they approach the border checkpoint the wife panics..."what do I do with these?!" she exclaims while frantically fumbling the skunks
"Quick now Mary Ann, hide them under your skirt!" said the red-neck husband in between his beer chug.
"Now, now whattabout the gadaym stink?!" says Mary Ann...
"If they die, they die hunnycakes"

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Mexico is now the world's fattest nation, is plagued by gun violence, and has a big problem with illegal immigrants crossing their southern border...

I guess they became Americans after all.

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Border Guard

An American couple was crossing the border into Canada. The border guard notices that the wife's white skin is red and blue from a beating. So the border guard says to the husband, "You better not be doing that here in Canada Eh, cause those colours don't fly here".

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What do you call three Mexicans crossing the border?

Tres-passing

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There are three men on a train...

One of them is an economist and one of them is a logician and one of them is a mathematician. And they have just crossed the border into Scotland and they see a brown cow standing in a field from the window of the train.

And the economist says, "Look, the cows in Scotland are brown."

And the logician says, "No. There are cows in Scotland of which one at least is brown."

And the mathematician says, "No. There is at least one cow in Scotland, of which one side appears to be brown."

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How did the Mexicans get across the border?

They went through Juan by Juan.

^Forgive ^me.

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What do you call a Mexican that can't cross the border?

A Mexi*can't*

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Why are there no Olympics in Mexico?

because all the Mexicans who can run, jump and swim are already across the border.

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I was going to tell a Mexican joke...

but that's just crossing the border

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Why don't Mexicans cross the border in groups?

Because the border says "No TRESpassing"

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If a plane crashes on the US/Canada border, where do you bury the survivors?

you dont bury survivors

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What do you call a sick bird who has crossed a national border without consent?

An ILL-EAGLE!
2X COMBO

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Mexican cartel drones were found near the border in a failed attempt to smuggle drugs

I guess the drones got too high and crashed

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uring the Damansky Island incident the Chinese military developed three main strategies: The Great Offensive, The Small Retreat, and Infiltration by Small Groups of One to Two Million Across the Border.

The Great Offensive
The Small Retreat

and Infiltration by Small Groups of One to Two Million Across the Border.

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A plane crashes on the border.

A plane was full of passengers. The engines go out and the plane crashed directly on the American and Canadian border. Where do you bury the survivors? None of them were either American or Canadian.




[Why would you bury the survivors?] (/spoiler)

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What's the best way to cross the border?

In the trunk of a car.

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During the Damansky Island incident the Chinese military developed three main strategies:

The Great Offensive, The Small Retreat, and Infiltration by Small Groups of One to Two Million Across the Border.

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Mexican Border

A Mexican is eager to start his new life in America but when he comes to the border, he realizes he lost his paperwork. The officer tells him that he will let him in if he can use the words green, pink, and yellow in one sentence. The Mexiacn thinks for a bit and finally says, "I hear the phone-green, I pink it up, and say, yellow!"

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CONCLUSION

You've red some of the best border jokes of all time. We hope you had fun with this collection of 50 puns about border. Most of the stories are suitable for kids with good sense of humor, children or teens boys and girls, of course dads. You must supervise your chidlren not to read pranks for adults. Note that some jokes are disgusting, filled with black humor so don't tell dirty border gags to your kids. So please respect and be a good joking daddy !

How do I make my girlfriend or boyfriend laugh? How do you make someone laugh? Well, this list of funny stories will make you cry in laughter just like dad jokes. Some of these border jokes are funny and some are hilarious. With this collection it's easy to be a joker. Have fun and dig deeper into our archive.

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