border Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious border puns

Call me a racist if you want, but south of the border is a sea of violence, corruption and stupidity I wouldn't touch with a ten foot pole.

I just thank my lucky stars I live in Canada.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

I hate people who take drugs

For example, border security.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

What borders stupidity?

Mexico & Canada

πŸ‘πŸΌ

Why do only 2 Mexicans cross the border at a time?

Because the sign says no trespassing.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

Why do Mexicans always cross the border in twos?

Because the sign says No Tres passing

πŸ‘πŸΌ

Why does the american border patrol guard take Xanax?

To stop hispanic attacks.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

A German tourist comes to France

...a border control asks him

"Occupation?"

German: No just visiting.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

Sheep

At the end of the day, a border collie reported back to the grazier, "All fifty sheep accounted for, boss!"

"Wait, I only have 48 sheep!" he replied.

"I know," said the dog, "but I rounded them up."

πŸ‘πŸΌ

Who says building a border wall won't work?

The Chinese built one over 2,000 years ago and they still don't have any Mexicans.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

Trump, Merkel and Kim Jong-un are in the Middle East being chased by ISIS:

Trump turns to them and shouts: "Stop chasing us and I'll pay you a million dollars!" The terrorists continued.

Then Merkel turns to them and shouts: "Stop chasing us and I'll give you German citizenship!" The terrorists still kept chasing.

Then Kim Jong-un turns and shouts: "You are about to cross the border into the People's Democratic Republic of Korea. Welcome!"

The terrorists screamed and turned to run away.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

Why don't Mexicans cross the border in groups of three?

Because it says "No Trespassing".

πŸ‘πŸΌ

Call me a racist if you want, but the other side of the border is a sea of violence, corruption, and stupidity I wouldn't touch with a twenty-foot pole.

I'm so fucking glad I live in Canada.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

What flavor gum does the President prefer?

Governmint

Ill walk myself to the nearest border

πŸ‘πŸΌ

A Mexican attempts to pass the border

A border control officer catches them and says, "Papers."

The Mexican replied, "Scissors."

The border control officer replied,"Dammit! Well, you're free to go!"

πŸ‘πŸΌ

People are always saying Americans are fat, violent, and above all else, stupid

But every time I see one of those statistics maps about how terrible we are, there's this little country on the northwest border of Canada that's just as bad as we are.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

Why do Mexicans always cross the border in pairs?

The sign says no tres-passing

πŸ‘πŸΌ

When talking about opinions on border control, Remember:

Lefty loosey
Righty tighty

πŸ‘πŸΌ

Why don't Mexicans cross the border in 3's?

No tres passing

πŸ‘πŸΌ

A German man goes on holiday

to Poland, he gets stopped at the border (because it's an out of date joke), and the border guard checks his papers and decides to ask him a few questions

"Name?"

"Hans Schmidt"

"Age?"

"32"

"Place of birth?"

"Dusseldorf"

"Occupation?"

"No, just visiting"

πŸ‘πŸΌ

They should send Hillary Clinton to the U.S. Mexico border

Since no one can get over her...

πŸ‘πŸΌ

Why do only 2 Mexicans pass the border at once?

Because the sign says no trespassing.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

A weather report for you

I just got off the phone with a friend living in North Dakota near the Canadian Border. He said that since early this morning the snow has been coming down, it is nearly waist high and is still falling. The temperature is dropping way below zero and the north wind is increasing to near gale force. His wife has done nothing but look through the kitchen window and just stare. He says that if it gets much worse, he may have to let her in.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

A Russian grandpa arrives at German airport

He goes to the young girl who is in charge of border control and she asks after checking the passport

"Good morning, First time in Germany?"

"First time I'm visiting my son who lives here, but I've been here before"

"Weird, your passport doesn't have a stamp on it, How did you arrive last time?"

"T-34, I was the gunner"

πŸ‘πŸΌ

Crossing the Border

A young Mexican man decides he wants to see a bit of America. He swims across the Rio Grande and finds a college football game about to start. He doesn't have any money to get in, so he climbs a flag pole to watch the game. Later that night he swims back across the river and tells his family how friendly the Americans all were, as they all turned to him at the start of the game and asked together, "Jose, can you see?"

πŸ‘πŸΌ

A German man was crossing the border into France...

The French border guard asked to see his papers, as he skimmed through them he ran off a stream of questions.

"Name?"

The German smiled, "Hans Lehrer"

"Age?"

The German replied, "37"

"Occupation?"

The German shook his head,
"No, not this time."

πŸ‘πŸΌ

A North-Korean officer pulls out a megaphone at the North and South Korean border and yells "Kim Jong-Un is an idiot!" and gets sent to 31 years in a labor camp.

1 year for insulting the Dear Leader and 30 years for revealing a state secret.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

A farmer wanted to know how many sheep he had...

So he asked his border collie to count them from him.

The dog ran off counted the sheep and ran back to the farmer.

"So how many sheep do I have?" Asked the farmer.

"40" said the border collie.

"How can there be 40?" Asked the farmer. "I only bought 38."

The dog replies, "I rounded them up."

πŸ‘πŸΌ

What is the area at the Danish/German border called?

The DaneGer zone!

I'll show myself out.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

A border patrol official comes into the Oval Office and says to Trump...

"Sir, because of the trauma of being separated from their parents, three Brazilian children fell deeply sick last night." Trump looks absolutely devastated. He sinks back in his chair, murmuring "oh my god" to himself over and over. Then he composes himself and says: "Okay. Just remind me, how many are there in a brazillion?"

πŸ‘πŸΌ

Where does a race on the Swedish border end at?

The Finnish line.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

The Polish farmer

During WW2, a team of German and Soviet surveyors went through Poland to split the country.
One day they found a farm placed directly over the planned border. The surveyors agreed that the border couldn't be drawn through the house, and decided to ask the farmer.
- Do you want to belong to Soviet or Germany?, they asked him.
After some thinking, the farmer answered
- I'd like to belong to Germany.
- Why is that?
- Oh - I've heard the Russian winters are very cold

πŸ‘πŸΌ

Cold Cold Canada.

There was an elderly couple who lived in a small house, right smack dab on the U.S. and Canadian border. For several years the two goverments had argued over which nation the house belonged to. One day the elderly couple recived a letter stating that they were now considered full American citizens and there property was deemed as American soil. After reading this the old woman looks to her husband as says "Thank goodness, No more of those cold Canadian winters.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

Why do only 2 Mexicans pass the border once at a time?

Because the sign says no tres-passing.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

I like my women like I like my coffee.

Wrapped in a burlap sack and hauled across the border on a donkey by Juan Valdez.

πŸ‘πŸΌ

Greek/German joke I heard recently

So Angela Merkel decides to try to shore up some Euro solidarity by taking a vacation in Greece. When she gets to the border crossing, the guard looks over her papers and asks her "occupation?" "No," she replies, "just a vacation this time."

πŸ‘πŸΌ

What are the most funny Border jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Border? Well, here are the best Border dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Border pick up lines to share with friends.

Joko Jokes