Boots Jokes
120 boots jokes and hilarious boots puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about boots that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Make some boot-iful boot jokes with this collection! From Puss in Boots to Cowboy Boots, Wellington Boots, and more, we've got you covered with puns and one-liners about all things related to shoes, soles, and uggs!
Quick Jump To
- Short Boots Jokes
- Boots One Liners
- Cowboy Boots Jokes
- Rubber Boots Jokes
- Wellington Boots Jokes
- Steel Toe Boots Jokes
- Puss In Boots Jokes
- More Boots Jokes
Funniest Boots Short Jokes
Short boots jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The boots humour may include short shoes jokes also.
- The thing I love most about this fall weather is the UGG boots and yoga pants.. ... Though, they do make me look a bit gay.
- A friend asked me if I wanted to come to his house last week I told him I'll be there as soon as I boot up my time machine
- Did you guys hear about the shoe store that got looted in Baltimore? The only thing they left were the work boots.
- I was filling my car with leaded gasoline wearing some comfortable aesbestos boots. As I popped a thalidomide pill into my mouth I thought... "A government ban on assault weapons would never work..."
- The last twenty five years have been a bizarre time to grow up. For instance, i've lived through more 'Spiderman' re-boots than legitimate presidential elections.
- Ferguson Protestors looted a Payless Shoe store last night... Cleaned the place out, nothing left but work boots...
- I bought these boots from a drug dealer I don't know what he laced them with but I've been tripping all day
- Yesterday I saw a car with a boot sticker saying, I'm a vet, therefore I can drive like an animal. It was at that moment that I suddenly realized just how many gynecologists there are on the roads.
- Why do cowboys always want to die with their boots on? So they don't stub their toes when they kick the bucket.
- I bought a pair of boots from my drug dealer yesterday I don't know what they're laced with but I've been tripping since I tried them
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Boots One Liners
Which boots one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with boots? I can suggest the ones about walking boot and sandals.
- What do you call a soldier who never made it past boot camp A cop
- My dad's Mexican and my mom's Canadian... But I don't wanna taco boot it
- I got boots for my birthday then regifted them It was a reboot
- Where do shoes receive their military training? Boot Camp
- Why did the heavy boots go to Heaven? Because they had good soles.
- How do you starve a worthless mooch? By hiding his employment check in his work boots.
- What do French soldiers wear instead of boots? Running shoes.
- How do you start a German submarine? DOS Boot.
- Russian burglar What does a Russian burglar wear? ( In a Russian accent ) robber boots
- Why couldnt the egg make it through boot camp? Cuz he cracks under pressure.
- I'm going to invent a button that you kick to turn on your computer and call it DOS boot.
- I just opened a shop called Beatbox. We only sell boots n cats.
- What is the first thing they do at boot camp? Take the privates out and inspect them.
- What's an Android developer's favourite cereal? Boot Loops
- Why is Italy shaped like a boot? Because you can't fit that much sh*t in a shoe
Cowboy Boots Jokes
Here is a list of funny cowboy boots jokes and even better cowboy boots puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What song did Kenny Rogers write after his cowboy boot broke? You picked a fine time to leave me, Loose Heel.
- Some Chuck Norris jokes here. Chuck Norris does not eat honey.
- He chews on bees.
Chuck Norris cowboy boots are made of real cowboys. - Did you hear about the brown paper bag cowboy? He had a brown paper bag hat, brown paper bag boots, a brown paper bag shirt, and a pair of brown paper bag pants. He was arrested. For rustling.
- They should make a movie about alien cowboy boots... And call it "Close Encounters of the Spurred Kind"
- You ever hear about the hipster cowboy? He went to pay respects to the people buried at Boot Hill.
. . .you've probably never heard of them, because they're so underground. - Chuck Norris' cowboy boots are made of real cowboys.
- When you play poker with a cowboy, it's gonna get serious. You can bet your boots.
- I hear that soon Reddit will require all redditors to don a cowboy hat / boots, and dance a j**... in order to log in… I'm not a big fan of Two-Step Authentication.
- What's the difference between cowboy boots and 'western' boots? Cowboy boots have the bulls**t on the outside.
Rubber Boots Jokes
Here is a list of funny rubber boots jokes and even better rubber boots puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- At Pirate boot camp BOATSWAIN: "That concludes orientation. Any questions?"
ME: (raises rubber hook hand) "Why do they call it trimming the mainsail? Why not mast abating?"
Wellington Boots Jokes
Here is a list of funny wellington boots jokes and even better wellington boots puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- How does a Welsh man pleasure himself at the cliff edge with a pair of large Wellington boots? He puts the back legs of a sheep into his boots and walks towards the edge.
- What has George Michael got in common with Wellington boots? They both get s**... off in bogs.
Steel Toe Boots Jokes
Here is a list of funny steel toe boots jokes and even better steel toe boots puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Did you hear about the Irish guy with a metal detector? He dug 25 meters down where he discovered he was wearing steel toe cap boots
- Chuck Norris never wears steel toe boots, they make his roundhouse kicks softer.
Puss In Boots Jokes
Here is a list of funny puss in boots jokes and even better puss in boots puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I'm really into c**... You could even say I like my p**... in Boots.
- What is p**... in Boots's favorite day of the week? Meowcoles
- Do you know what they do to eggs in prison? Ill say this, it ain't over easy. It's a p**... in boots line.
- What do you call a girl who is wearing a moon boot? p**... in Boot
- I started a night club for l**... today.... I call it, "p**... in Boots".
Share Hilarious Boots Jokes and Enjoy Unforgettable Laughter
What funny jokes about boots you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean footwear jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make boots pranks.
In a crowded city at a bus stop, a beautiful young woman was waiting for the bus. She was decked out in a tight leather mini skirt, with matching tight leather boots and jacket...
As the bus rolled up and it became her turn to get on, she became aware that her skirt was too tight to allow her leg to come up to the height of the first step on the bus.
Slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the bus driver, she reached behind and unzipped her skirt a little, thinking that this would give her enough slack to raise her leg.
Again, she tried to make the step onto the bus, only to discover she still couldn't!
So, a little more embarrassed, she once again reached behind and unzipped her skirt a little more and for a second time attempted the step and once again, still she could not raise her leg because of the tight skirt.
With a coy little smile to the driver, she again unzipped the offending skirt to give a little more slack and again was unable to make the step.
About this time, a big Texan that was behind her in the line picked her up easily from the waist and placed her lightly on the step of the bus.
Well, she went ballistic and turned on the would-be hero screeching at him, "How dare you touch my body!! I don't even know who you are!"
At this, the Texan drawled, "Well ma'am normally I would agree with you, but after you unzipped my fly three times, I kinda figured that we was friends."
human skin boots
My friend paid $4,000 for human skin boots and pants.
I told him how s**... that was--he could have had the same thing in black for $29.
Three ladies meet up for a drink
Three ladies meet up for a drink once a week.
The first lady says: "The other night, when my boyfriend got in from work, I surprised him. I was standing in the hallway, wearing these tall leather boots, a corset, long black silk gloves, and lots of makeup. I looked him in the eye and said 'Hello there, big boy.' He grabbed me, flung me to the floor and we made love right there and then and it was AMAZING."
Next week they meet up again.
The second lady says to the first one: "I took a tip from you. The other night my fiance came home from work, and I was standing in the bedroom wearing high heels, a tiny skirt, a see-through top and heavy makeup. I said 'Hello there. Big Boy.' and he flung me on the bed and it was unbelievable! He was like a wild animal!"
The third lady, married for ten years and seeing things get a bit stale in the bedroom, decides she needs a piece of the action.
She dresses up in thigh high leather boots, a tiny black skirt, a cleavage-tastic corset, long black gloves and she puts on the sluttiest makeup job in the history of s**... makeup jobs. She waits in the kitchen, thinking that when hubby gets home he may do something really sordid like make love to her right there on the kitchen table.
Sure enough, he comes home and walks into the kitchen.
She looks him in the eye and says: "Hello there. Big Boy."
He looks back at her and says: "Hey Batman, what's for dinner?"
New Old House
While carpenters were busy working outside the old house I just bought, I busied myself with indoor cleaning. I had just finished washing the floor when one of the workers came in and asked to use the washroom. I looked at his muddy boots and said "Just wait a second, Ill grab some newspapers"
"That's alright lady," he responded, "I'm already trained."
Two old guys in a supermarket wandering about, looking lost...
One says to the other "Lost the other half?"
"Yup" he replies.
"Me too. Let's join forces to find them. What does yours look like?"
"She's 25, six foot blonde, 36 double-D, long boots and a short skirt".
"Good. We'll look for yours first".
What was h**...'s favorite way to tie his boots?
In n**...'s!
A cowboy takes a break from the range and heads out to LA for a cowboy convention . . .
When he gets to LA, he decides to stop at a local watering hole and grab a beer. He's sitting there in his hat, jeans, and boots, when a woman walks up and sits down beside him.
Woman: Are you a cowboy?
Cowboy: Well yes ma'am, I am.
Woman: Like a real deal cowboy?
Cowboy: I don't know any other kind.
Woman: I've never met a real cowboy before.
Cowboy: Well now you have.
Woman: Well?
Cowboy: Well what?
Woman: Aren't you going to ask what I am?
Cowboy: Well, uh, what are you?
Woman: I'm a lesbian.
Cowboy: A lesb- . . . I don't believe I know what that is.
Woman: It means that I like women. I like to kiss them and touch them and make love to them.
Cowboy: . . . .
The woman gets up and leaves and another woman comes into the bar. She spots the cowboy sitting there with his beer and takes a seat beside him.
Woman: Are you a cowboy?
Cowboy: Well ma'am, I thought I was, but I just found out I'm a lesbian.
harharhar.
For everyone in the working world today: It's a Tuesday...
...which is like a Monday but with steel-toed boots and a slightly lower aim.
Two hunters are out hunting
Suddenly, they see a bear racing towards them. They start running, but all of a sudden one of them stops and starts to take off his hunting boots and put on running shoes.
The other hunters says to him: "What are you doing? Those will not make you run faster than the bear."
The first hunter replies calmly: "No, but they will make run faster than you."
A blonde walks up to a crossing next to a builder,
and notices that his boots say L and R on them. "Why do your boots say L and R?" she asks.
"It's so I can remember which one goes on which foot, left or right.", the builder replies.
The blonde says: "Ah, so that's why my p**... say C&A!".
A farmer has a new handsome assistant
A farmer has a new handsome assistant. One morning they want to go out into the fields to work. At the garden gate the farmer sees that the roads are muddy and realizes that he forgot his rubber boots (Wellingtons for the Brits ;)
He tells his assistant to go get the boots from the house. The assistant returns and finds the farmers very pretty wife, along with the equally pretty daughter sitting in the kitchen. He tells them: "The farmer just said it would be alright if I had s**... with you right now!" The women look sceptical, so the assistant opens the window and shouts to the farmer: "Both?"
Farmer: "Of course both of them, what do you think?!"
What does a German soccer player call his cleats?
Das Boots
A dog walks into a saloon, he's got revolver on his hip, a 10 gallon hat, and a pair of spurs on his boots that clank as he limps. With everybody's eyes on him, he limps up to the bar, leans back on it, tips his hat up and says:" I'm looking for the two-bit varmint that shot my pa"
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Did you hear about the shoe store that was looted during the Ferguson riots ?
They took all the sneakers in the store but left all the work boots.
Ferguson shoe store
Ferguson shoe store broken into and looted everything but the work boots section.
In light of all this recent controversy and chaos, thought this slightly r**... joke would cheer people up!
Q: How do you starve a (race variable) man?
A: Put his food stamps in his work boots!
I once heard a story of a man who played Destiny, trying to get the greatest boots of all time, named The Dubstep Grieves.
He died waiting for the drop.
Why female sys-admins restart systems more often then men?
Because they love those new boots!
Obama and a general are discussing how to attack ISIS
Obama: We need to get boots on the ground to attack them. Send in soldiers, artillery, and trucks.
General: You are forgetting something important sir.
Obama: No I am not.
General: Tanks, Obama.
I've had rain boots sitting in my dorm since college started. I never thought I'd need them.
As it turns out, these boots are made for Joaquin.
a**... of police powers.
A cowboy walks into a saloon wearing paper bag boots, paper bag pants, a paper bag shirt and a paper hat.
The local sheriff pulls out his gun and says " I'm arresting you."
And the cowboy says "What for?"
The sheriff replies "RUSTLING!"
These boots. Were made. For Walken.
Yesterday I accidentally sent a n**... picture of myself to everyone in my address book.
Not only was it embarrassing but it cost a fortune in stamp.
a french girl married a texas guy..
After a while together, she is complaining:
- listen, John, when you kiss me with a chewing gum in your mouth, I can live with that, when you make love to me with your boots and hat on - i can bear with it, but please take your cigar out when we do 69!
What happens to snake-skin boots when they get wet?
They turn into water moccasins.
Why did the skinhead have Velcro on his boots?
He was a lacist.
I went to an 'Army Style training day'...
I don't feel any fitter but my boots and bed look immaculate.
Girls must love beat boxing
Since it's all about boots and cats, boots and cats, boots and cats...
How do n**... tie the laces on their boots?
In little knot-sies!
Credit to: u/son_of_stone
Why does Nancy s**... at foot races?
Her boots are made for walking
Son: "Dad, I dropped your ThinkPad on the floor!"
Dad: "Did it break?"
Son: "I don't think so, it boots..."
Dad: "..."
Dad: "I MEAN THE FLOOR."
Dyslexic procrastinators, it's time to get together and rise up
Get on your work boots and untie
A teenage girl brought her new boyfriend home to meet her parents.
They were appalled by his leather jacket, motorcycle boots, tattoos, and pierced nose. Later, the parents pulled their daughter aside and confessed their concern. "Dear," the mother said, "he doesn't seem very nice."
"Oh please, Mom," the daughter replied. "If he wasn't nice, why would he be doing 200 hours of community service?"
A company has developed a piece of technology that is putting plumbers out of business
A pair of boots that get sewage all over my carpet by themselves!
Two men in the woods come across some bear tracks...
The first man takes off his boots and starts puttin on runnin sneakers.
The second man asks "do you really think you gonna outrun a bear?"
First man replies "I just gotta outrun you"
What boots do you wear when lifting a heavy object?
UGGH!!!! boots (say it with a constipated voice)
A lady went into a bar in Waco and saw a cowboy with his feet propped up on a table.
He had the biggest boots she'd ever seen.
The woman asked the cowboy if it's true that men with big feet are well endowed.
The cowboy grinned and said, "Shore is, little lady. Why don't you come on out to the bunkhouse and let me prove it to you?"
The woman was a bit promiscuous and was curious to see if the old adage was correct, so she spent the night with him.
The next morning she handed him a $100 bill.
Blushing, he said, "Well, thank you, ma'am. Ah'm real flattered. Ain't nobody ever paid me fer mah services before."
"Don't be flattered. Take the money and buy yourself some smaller boots"
Some numbers were stuck in the snow, when one lost his gloves and boots.
He was a number number.
A girl outside boots stopped me today to ask me what products I use for grooming
She seemed surprised when I said facebook.
Why were Stalin's boots always filthy?
He hated the Polish
It's actually very easy to become a successful beat boxer. You only need two essential items:
Boots and cats
You know how cooing parents call their babies' boots 'booties'?
Does that mean that Dora the Explorer (because she's literally a toddler) 's monkey is called b**...?
What happens when you play a country music record backwards?
Your wife comes home, your truck starts, and your boots fit.
A captain is giving orders to soldiers staying in line
After finishing he asked if anyone has a question to ask.
One of the soldiers asks I'm sorry Sir, but why do your boots have different colours, one black and one brown?
Captain realizes that he really has two different boots and says that he will go home and change them, and that soldiers should wait here till he comes back
One hour passes, all soldiers are exhausted, and finally the captain appears, sad, and still wearing different boots
A soldier asks why didn't he change the boots, why are you still wearing one black and one brown boot?
The captain replies, I couldn't find a normal pair at home, the other two are also different
To the person who has stolen my 5 tonne concrete boots and my invisibility cloak...
You can't run but you can hide
How did the maffia boss' bratty son die?
He got some new boots down by the river.
Got stopped as I was walking into Boots today by a woman doing a Survey.
She asked me what my favourite Grooming Product was?
Should've seen her face when I said Haribo!
I asked my friend why his new boots had whoopee cushions on the soles
He said "they're my new Doc Fartens"
What are a beatboxer's 8 favorite things?
Boots and cats and boots and cats and boots and cats and boots and boots.
Christopher Walken is a wealthy, stylish dude
I wonder if he's ever had a pair of boots custom made for him.
A man visited a movie studio and was browsing the wardrobe archives.
He asked a costume designer which were her favourite pieces.
Well, that shirt there was worn by Pacino. That jacket was put together for De Niro. And these boots were made for Walken.
Why did Laura Bush wear shoes as first lady but Melania wears boots?
During the Bush administration the b**... only came up to your ankles.
I bought some boots from a drug dealer once.
Dunno what he laced em with but I was tripping for days.
So my buddy and I were driving down a country road and see a sheep with it's head stuck in the fence.
Now, like any good ol Montana boy I know a good opportunity when I see it. I pull over and walk up to the sheep and unzip my pants and start giving it to her. I'm really give'n her the boots when I look over and my buddy is jacking off. I mean, he's really beat'n his meat. Kinda freaked out I stop and ask 'ya wanna turn?'. He runs over and sticks his head in the fence.
Phil Swift has a new product
He puts on a pair of boots and says, " I present to you the FlexBoots! Now this product may seem like ordinary boots, but with these bad boys you can run up walls, on the ceiling!" He goes on to demonstrate them by walking on random surfaces. "To show you the power FlexBoots", the camera slowly zooms out, and inverts itself, showing Phil standing under an airplane ."I'm on an airplane!" The pilot of the plane looks out the window and says,
"Weird Flex but okay."
I was in a stranger's house today, and politely asked to use her restroom.
She responded with: "Fill your boots"
I was woken late last night about 3am
By my next door neighbor in a very revealing negligee, bra, thongs and high heel boots, and asking to borrow a cup of sugar.
I said, f**... off dave, I've got work in the morning'.
A sheriff walks into a saloon, the doors swinging on their hinges behind him
I'm gonna need your attention he exclaims.
Everyone in the bar hushes up.
I'm lookin' for a wanted man says the sheriff.
What's he look like sheriff? asks a patron standing at the bar.
The sheriff responds Well now, he's been seen wearing a brown paper shirt, brown paper pants, he also wears brown paper boots and has a brown paper hat. We're calling him the Brown Paper Cowboy.
There's a quiet murmur throughout the bar, until finally someone asks What's he wanted for sheriff?
Sheriff replies Rustling
Wifes eye site
A older man comes home from work,and he finds his wife standing in front of the mirror crying. He walks over and asks what's the matter hunny? THE WIFE SAYS. Can you find anything good about me. Look at me my hairs gray, my b**... is sagging, my boots are hanging down.. Is there anything left that's good about me.
The husband looks her up and down , and then he reply. WELL YOUR EYE SITE IS GOOD.
A pirate captain was sailing to Antarctica in search of treasure.
One morning, his first mate woke him.
Captain, the ship won't move! The ocean is frozen solid!
The pirate captain rose from his bed, yawned, and stretched. After a good scratch, he put on his boots and coat, and strode out of his quarters.
As he arrived at the bow of the ship, his men gathered around in nervous anticipation. He pulled out his pocket telescope and took a good, long look around the entire horizon. He collapsed his telescope, placed it back in his pocket, and clasped his hands behind his back. After some time, he tipped his head down toward his first mate and said:
Ice sea.
