Boot Jokes

92 boot jokes and hilarious boot puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about boot that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Boot jokes are a great way to have a laugh with friends. Whether you're talking about moon boots, cowboy boots, walking boots, car boots, UGG boots, Wellington boots, medical boots, or even Xbox Live soles, this collection of boot jokes will have everyone laughing. From trunk puns to sneaker jokes, there's something for everyone.

Best Short Boot Jokes

Short boot jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The boot humour may include short heels jokes also.

  1. The thing I love most about this fall weather is the UGG boots and yoga pants.. ... Though, they do make me look a bit gay.
  2. A friend asked me if I wanted to come to his house last week I told him I'll be there as soon as I boot up my time machine
  3. Did you guys hear about the shoe store that got looted in Baltimore? The only thing they left were the work boots.
  4. I was filling my car with leaded gasoline wearing some comfortable aesbestos boots. As I popped a thalidomide pill into my mouth I thought... "A government ban on assault weapons would never work..."
  5. The last twenty five years have been a bizarre time to grow up. For instance, i've lived through more 'Spiderman' re-boots than legitimate presidential elections.
  6. Ferguson Protestors looted a Payless Shoe store last night... Cleaned the place out, nothing left but work boots...
  7. I bought these boots from a drug dealer I don't know what he laced them with but I've been tripping all day
  8. Yesterday I saw a car with a boot sticker saying, I'm a vet, therefore I can drive like an animal. It was at that moment that I suddenly realized just how many gynecologists there are on the roads.
  9. Why do cowboys always want to die with their boots on? So they don't stub their toes when they kick the bucket.
  10. I bought a pair of boots from my drug dealer yesterday I don't know what they're laced with but I've been tripping since I tried them

Quick Jump To

Boot joke, I bought a pair of boots from my drug dealer yesterday

Make fun with this list of one liners, jokes and riddles. Each joke is crafted with thought and creativity, delivering punchlines that are unexpected and witty. The humor about boot can easily lighten the mood and bring smiles to people's faces. This compilation of boot puns is not just entertaining but also a testament to the art of joke-telling. The jokes in this list are designed to display different humor styles, ensuring that every reader at any age finds something entertaining. Constantly updated, they offer a source of fun that ensures one is always smiling !

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Boot One Liners

Which boot one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with boot? I can suggest the ones about wagon and bolt.

  1. What do you call a soldier who never made it past boot camp A cop
  2. My dad's Mexican and my mom's Canadian... But I don't wanna taco boot it
  3. I got boots for my birthday then regifted them It was a reboot
  4. Where do shoes receive their military training? Boot Camp
  5. Why did the heavy boots go to Heaven? Because they had good soles.
  6. How do you starve a worthless mooch? By hiding his employment check in his work boots.
  7. What do French soldiers wear instead of boots? Running shoes.
  8. How do you start a German submarine? DOS Boot.
  9. Russian burglar What does a Russian burglar wear? ( In a Russian accent ) robber boots
  10. Why couldnt the egg make it through boot camp? Cuz he cracks under pressure.
  11. I'm going to invent a button that you kick to turn on your computer and call it DOS boot.
  12. I just opened a shop called Beatbox. We only sell boots n cats.
  13. What is the first thing they do at boot camp? Take the privates out and inspect them.
  14. What's an Android developer's favourite cereal? Boot Loops
  15. Why is Italy shaped like a boot? Because you can't fit that much sh*t in a shoe

Walking Boot Jokes

Here is a list of funny walking boot jokes and even better walking boot puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • My grandad walked into the room with his tackle out, smothered in boot polish. Bless him, he misheard when we told him to turn his clock back.
  • 2 Canadians are walking through the snow... The first one sees a boot in a nearby snowbank and says:
    "Look, a boot"
    The second one replies:
    "About what?"
  • How does a Welsh man pleasure himself at the cliff edge with a pair of large Wellington boots? He puts the back legs of a sheep into his boots and walks towards the edge.
  • Got stopped as I was walking into Boots today by a woman doing a Survey. She asked me what my favourite Grooming Product was?
    Should've seen her face when I said Haribo!
  • A clown was walking by yesterday with a load of red socks turns out it was both of his boots
  • Why does Nancy s**... at foot races? Her boots are made for walking

Car Boot Jokes

Here is a list of funny car boot jokes and even better car boot puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • A brand new car is being launched in Portugal, which includes space in the boot for a child. It's called the Renault McCann
  • I got a boot on my car for what I thought were just average parking tickets. As it turns out, they were outstanding.
  • How many Jews can you fit in a car? Two in the front ,two in the back, one in the boot and fifty in the ashtray.
  • I just bought a sleeping bag from a car boot sale and it's living up to its name. It's been snoring all the way home.
  • I asked a German if he brought back any meat from the grocers. He opened his car boot to show me his spare veal.
  • Why couldn't Stormzy put his dog his car? He was way too big for the boot

Boot Camp Jokes

Here is a list of funny boot camp jokes and even better boot camp puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • My six year old niece made up this joke. I think she may be a comedic prodigy. Why did the sweater go to boot camp?
    To warm up!
  • What's the difference between an orphan home and a terrorists' boot camp? I don't know. I'm retiring next month.
  • At Pirate boot camp BOATSWAIN: "That concludes orientation. Any questions?"
    ME: (raises rubber hook hand) "Why do they call it trimming the mainsail? Why not mast abating?"
  • To trainees at boot camp in regards to their SOs: "If you left a big piece of cake on your kitchen table the day you joined the military... would you expect it to be there when you got back?"
  • Why did the T-rex fail boot camp? He couldn't do pushups

Moon Boot Jokes

Here is a list of funny moon boot jokes and even better moon boot puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • What did the first man on the moon do when he left his boot in outer space! He Apollogized
  • What do you call a girl who is wearing a moon boot? p**... in Boot
Boot joke, What do you call a girl who is wearing a moon boot?

Quirky and Hilarious Boot Jokes to Let the Chuckles Begin.

What funny jokes about boot you can tell and make people laugh? One example I can give are clean bots jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help make boot prank.

Blonde Bombshell

A blonde is angry with the tax department and decides to blow it up. So she puts a bag of bombs in the back seat of her Celica and heads for Canberra. Her boyfriend si worried about her. "What if the bombs blow up in the car?"
"Don't worry darling," she says, "I've got a spare bomb in the boot".

Have you ever wondered whether it is your dog or your wife who is your real friend?

Yes? Well if you have, just try this experiment...
Put your dog and your wife in the boot of the car for an hour.
When you open the trunk, which one is really happy to see you?

What do you use to make boot soup?


Heisenberg & Schrodinger

Heisenberg and Schrodinger are speeding along in Schrodinger's car, a police man pulls them over and asks the driver, Heisenberg, if he knows how fast he was going, to this Heisenberg replies
"I do not know how fast I was going, because I know exactly where I am"
After this weird answer the policeman decides to search the car, he opens the boot and asks if Schrodinger knows he has a dead cat in his boot, Schrodinger says "Well I do now"

I got a bootleg copy of "Alien vs Predator"

It was just some Mexican guy fighting a priest!

Why did the new pc owner leave a shoe in his harddrive

He was told he needed a boot drive

It's raining in Italy

That's why it has the shape of a boot and not a flip flop.

A cop pulls over a woman

The officer comes to the window of the car and asks the woman "Mam, do you have any weapons in the car?"
The woman replies "Well, I have a 12 gauge in the trunk, a smith and wesen in the glove compartment, a colt on my side, and a derenger strapped to my boot."
The officer says "My god woman, what are you afraid of?"
She says "Absolutely nothing."

How do you stop a hippie from drowning?

Take your combat boot off his head.

How much b**... does a priest get?


What goes stomp, stomp, stomp, squish?

An elephant with a wet boot

Why I Joined the Air Force

The DOD was conducting an all service briefing and the leader posed this question.
What would you do if you found a scorpion in your tent?
A sailor said, I'd step on it.
A soldier said, I'd squash it with my boot.
A marine said, I'd catch it, break the stinger off, and eat it.
An Airman said. I'd call room service and find out why there's a tent in my room.

As a bootleg vet, I get asked to turn cats into dogs

it's a ruff job.

Q: What is the difference between an ISIS boot camp and a local school?

A: How should I know? I just fly the drones.
A lot of you probably heard this before. I heard it for the first time and felt like sharing

What do you call a Canadian shoe?

A boot.

Any Irishman and a Scott have a duel at a bar...

The irishman exclaims, "You Scottish can't drink! We Irish are the best drinkers!"
Scott exclaims, "Ye don no wha ye takin boot! Any scott can drink any irishman under ye table!"
The two drink to the early morning. Who wins?
The bartender.

What do you call a British chick with junk in the trunk?

A dame with rubbish in her boot.

History teaches us that people developed their last names in ancient times for doing what they were known for in a village.

If, for example, your last name is "Smith" then chances are your family line had some artisan blacksmiths to boot.
I wonder what the last name "Dickinson" meant for people back in those days?

Girl: "Daddy, why are you k**... the computer?"

Man: "I'm trying to boot it up"

Is your b**... made of dough...

Cause I knead it

Saw a booth at the fair for ASL

I went up and asked where i could sign

You ever hear about the hipster cowboy?

He went to pay respects to the people buried at Boot Hill.
. . .you've probably never heard of them, because they're so underground.

My boss gave the sandal...

Because I didn't mess up enough yet to get the boot.

Why were Stalin's boots always filthy?

He hated the Polish

So I booted up Fortnite twice simultaneously, and it turned into a zombie survival game

It was 28 Days Later

I got booted off the plane today and put on the no-fly list.

All I did was greet my friend Jack.

What song did Kenny Rogers write after his cowboy boot broke?

You picked a fine time to leave me, Loose Heel.

The American man and the British man

(Not sure where I learned this one)
Once there was an American man talking to a British man. The American man was lecturing the British man, saying he was saying things wrong. He said its not lift its elevator, its not Tele its TV and its not a boot its a trunk of a car. The British man calmly said back "its not a shooting range its a school

Sadly today we left our beloved grandma in the capable hands of the Undertaker...

He hit her with a tough clothesline and a chokeslam to boot, and finally hit her with the Tombstone piledriver for the win, best match I've ever seen!

There are two booths set up at a Trump rally.

Someone asks "why isn't anyone lined up at this booth?"
"It's a kissing booth."
"Why's everyone over at the other booth?"
"That's the punch line."

Myrtle and the Beetle

Myrtle is driving her Volkswagon Beetle down the road and sees another little old lady, also with a Beetle, pulled over with the hazards on. Myrtle pulls over and asks, "Is everything ok?"
The other lady replies, "My darn Beetle has broken down. I popped the bonnet and it looks like the whole engine has gone missing!".
"No worries, I can help you." said Myrtle. "As it happens, I have a spare engine in my boot!"

Teamster jokes

Why is there a horse on the Teamster logo?
It's the only animal that sleeps standing up.
What do Teamster's kide do at the playground do?
Sit on folding chairs and watch other kids play.
What do you call a Teamster in a 3 piece suit?
Two teamsters are standing around. Suddenly on of them crushes a snail under is his boot.
The other one asks "why did you do that"?
"that son of a b**... has been following me around all day"

Washing hands

(Joke was funnier before covid)
A soldier and a sailor are at a bar near where they are both stationed. They are standing next to each other at urinals and the soldier gets done first and washes his hands. The sailor gets done and goes right toward the door instead of washing his hands
Soldier: hey sailor, in boot camp they taught us we need to wash our hands when we get done in the bathroom
Sailor: in boot camp they taught us not to pee on ourselves

I made an IRL dad joke a few weeks back...

and it may be my crowning achievement.
We did a delayed Christmas at the in-laws a few weekends back (COVID happened) and my FIL is the kind of jokester that does things like wrap one boot in one present for his wife and the other boot in another.
Mom-in-Law says, "look at him, stretching one gift into two...."
Father-in-law then opens a gift from her and it's a winter vest. Without missing a beat I say, "look who's stretching gifts now, where's the box with the sleeves!?"
I never post so I had to build karma before sharing but hopefully it was worth the wait!

A Ukrainian prisoner of war is being interrogated by a Russian officer.

During their conversation, the Ukrainian notices that the Officer has only one boot.
He asks, Did you lose a boot?
The Russian replies Nyet. I found a boot

Boot joke, A Ukrainian prisoner of war is being interrogated by a Russian officer.

jokes about boot

Jokes are a form of humor that often involves clever wordplay, puns or unexpected twists in a story. These are usually short narratives or anecdotes crafted with the intent of amusing its audience by ending in an unexpected or humorous punchline. Jokes are a universal form of entertainment that people of all ages like adults, teens, kids and toddlers can enjoy. JokoJokes' FAQ section has answers to questions you may have!

The impact of these boot jokes can be both social and psychological. They can help to ease tensions, create bonds between people, and even improve overall mental health. The success of a joke often relies on the delivery, timing, and audience. Jokes can be used in various settings, from social gatherings to professional presentations, and are often employed to lighten the mood or enhance a story.