Boom Jokes

If w**... is pronounced woom , tomb is pronounced toom shouldn't bomb be pronounced...

Boom , I hope this blew your mind

A guy walks into a bar and orders 10 shots of whiskey...

The bartender hesitates but then lines up the shots. The guy takes them one after the other down the whole line just boom boom boom boom.
The bartender says to the guy, "Man I've been doing this for 20 years and I've never seen anyone drink like that."
The guy says, "You would drink like this too if you had what I have."
The bartender asks, "Well what do you have?"
Guy says, "35 cents."

I used to hide my ex-girlfriend's asthma inhaler...

Because my neighbors thought i was a total stallion. They used to hear her all night... *HUFF PUFF WHEEZE* "GIVE IT TO ME!" *HUFF PUFF WHEEZE* "GIVE IT TO ME!"
Boom.

U.S announces "Biggest boom in terrorism since 9/11".

... The prophets are going through the roof.

Two elephants and a snake jumped off a cliff...

Boom Boom Tsss

René Descartes walks into a bar.

René Descartes walks into a bar, takes a stool and orders a beer. A little while later the bartender, noticing the empty glass, asks 'Ready for another?'
'I think not' relies Descartes, and BOOM, the air implodes into the suddenly empty space.

Whats the difference between a man that falls from the 2nd floor & a man that falls from 9th floor?

9th floor: *Aaaaaaaahhh* - *Boom*
2nd floor: *Boom* - *Aaaaaaaahhh*

Religious Differences.

What's the difference between a Muslim and an Atheist?
When faced with inconvertible truth, a Muslim will.......
BOOM!

What do you call it when President Obama

What do you call it when President Obama and Joe Biden talk shop over a nice dinner?
A government man-date.
Boom. I'll be here all night.

What time is it?

**BOOM!**

Boomerangs are Australia's largest Export.

And Import.

What's your favorite stereotype?

Mine is the boom box.

A boy was born without a body

A boy was born without a body, no arms, no legs, he was just a head.
So for his 18th birthday his dad takes him the pub for his first pint. He takes a sip and BOOM - his body pops out. "Take another sip!" everyone shouts, then BOOM - his arms pop out. "Another!" everyone chants, so he takes another sip and his legs pop out.
The boy is really happy and he runs outside in excitement and he'**... by an oncoming truck and killed instantly.
"What a shame" his dad said.
"He should have quit while he was ahead"

Watching the Superbowl at a sober living with 7 sober drug addicts

"That's also what I need to do; get away from the sack."
Boom.

A magical mirror will s**... in anyone who lies to it.

A skinny brunette goes up to the mirror and says "I think I'm fat" Boom s**... in. A redhead goes up to the mirror singing a Stevie Wonder song and says "I think I can sing soul music" Boom s**... in. Finally the blonde goes up to the mirror and says "I think---" Boom and the mirror s**... her in!

What do you hear when a sheep blows up?

Sis boom baa
~Carnac

What did the t**...'s ghost say?

BOOM!

Why did the bicycle fall over?

It was two-tyred.
Alexa gave me that one. Bing Bang boom.

I started observing extremists

Wanted to find out what made them tick... tock... boom

A boomerang walks into a bar...

Bartender says, "Hey, I thought I threw you out of here!"

Whats the different between falling from the 10th floor and falling from the 1st floor ?

The sound you make
10th floor " AHHHHHHHHH *BOOM* "
1st floor " *BOOM* AHHHHHHHHHH "

There's a lot of Arab new mothers lately

This must be the new baby boom!

What's John Lee h**...'s favourite recording device?

A Boom Boom mic

What goes cluck, cluck, cluck, boom?

A chicken stepping on a landmine.

An early prediction of George Michael's cause of death

I'm going with either a boom boom of the heart, or a jitterbug in the brain.

During a bank robbery

The robber asks the first person in line if they just saw how he robbed the bank.
"Well, obviously I did, I mean it's not that I'm blind or anything" the man says and BOOM the robber shoots him dead.
"And you, did you just witness this robbery?" he asks another man in the line.
"No, I didn't, but my wife here did!"

Did you hear about the time Tony Soprano went shopping for a cherry and a hand grenade?

Bought a bing. Bought a boom.

Basil Brush went to fill up his car with petrol. His phone suddenly went off...

The petrol station went BOOM BOOM!

What's a terrorists favorite song?

Click click boom

Went to the store yesterday to buy a cherry and a microphone stand.

Bought a Bing, bought a boom.

What did the boombox was want to be when he grew up?

A public speaker.

I went to the boomerang store the other day

They had a great return policy

Dad's are like boomerangs...

If you don't pay attention to them they'll hit you in the face.

Imagine coming home to your girl in bed, you tell her joke.....

Then boom, the man under the bed starts laughing too.

3 elephants fall off a cliff

2 land on land and the other lands in the water.
Boom. Boom. Tssh

Desperate for money, I robbed a bank today. My heart sank when I heard a voice boom, "This is the police! We have all the exits surrounded, so come out with your hands up!"

I escaped through the entrance...

Did you know that the boomerang is Australia's biggest export?

It's also their biggest import.

What is a boomrang that doesn't come back ?

My dad

When you sit in the kitchen and wait on your rice the water never seems to Dry but just take your attention to your Phone and press it a lil bit, Boom! Burnt Offering.

How do you call a t**... in a maternity ward?

A baby boom.

Why do people even make a big deal about Houndini escaping straightjackets?

I mean, just paint it every color of the rainbow, then boom, no straightjacket.

Give a man a fish and feed him for a day.

Teach a man to fish and you'll feed him for life. Teach multiple men to fish and boom! You've invented capitalism!

All Letters

The only word in the English language that contains all the letters of the alphabet is, "abcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz" Boom.

Two Muslims walk into a bar.

Boom Boom!

Boomerangs are like dads,

I thought.
Ow.

Boom

What's the difference between a feminist and a s**... vest?
One actually does something when its triggered.

Who makes the best exploding underwear?

Fruit of the Boom!

Knock knock. Who's there? o**.... o**... who?

Boom.

I was given a boomerang for my birthday, and was told it's like my dad.

I think it's defunct though, because when I threw it, it never came back.

Boomerangs are like Ex Girl/Boy friends.

You fear the return.

Dad's are like boomerangs

They go away for a period of time and then come back just to hit you

In light of recent adverse publicity, Boeing executives are considering renaming the company.

Boom and Splat did not make the list of finalists.
(Too soon?)

It is WWI. The Germans and the Italians are fighting in trenches.

The Germans have a plan. Since almost all Italians are named Mario, a German would yell, "Hey, Mario!" An unfortunate Mario would pop his head up with "si?" and a German s**... would put a bullet into his forehead. Every day, a few Italians died with "Hey Mario!" "Si?" Boom!
One day, the Italians decide to reciprocate. One of them yells, "Hey-a, Fritz!" No reply. "Fritz!" Nothing. "Hey-a, Fritz!" "Is that you, Mario?" "Si!" Boom!

So a dad and his son go into a bar...

His son is literally only a head (doesn't need vital organs to live in this joke)
Sons birthday so the dad buys him a shot
Son takes shot and boom he becomes a full bodied functional man
Dad is so happy he says shots all around
The son takes another shot and dies
Dad is now crying hysterically
Bartender says
Kid should've stopped while he was ahead.
LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL

Once you go boomerang...

you always come back

Breakups are the best excuse.

Your friends want to go out to that restaurant you hate?
Just look sad and say: My girlfriend and I used to love going there...
Boom, nobody wants to go anymore. Pity works wonders.
Your boss asks you at stay late Friday night?
Look sad and say: My girlfriend and I used to do SQL database backups...
Boom, no work!

Yo mamma

Yo mamma so fat she's required to wear a facemask in public because she's physically incapable of adhering to the social distancing guidelines set by the CDC to remain six feet away from people in public. Boom Roasted.

I have a boomerang joke I can't think of it though it might come back to me

All I remember is that it went over people's heads

Dad's are like boomerangs

They come back and hit you

Why did the boomer have a no coins policy in his store?

He couldn't tolerate change.

WHY DO BOOMERS TYPE IN ALL CAPS

BECAUSE THEY'RE CAPITALISTS

Two men were breaking into a high security software company...

They couldn't get their code breaker to work for the back door, so, in a last desperate attempt to short circuit the security, one of them peed on the access panel.
It began smoking, a couple sparks flew, and boom, the back door clicked open.
They looked at each other, impressed and relieved.
u**....

Two friends go hunting and one of them falls down a hill and loses consciousness.The other friend calls the ambulance to get help!

The lady on the phone says the ambulance is not close so they need to take some steps themselves.
She says most importantly we need to make sure if he's dead.
There's complete silence for a minute and a loud boom goes off.
The friend picks the phone back up and says:
Now What?

How many boomers does it take to change a lightbulb?

None, they just yell at it for not working and call it lazy.

How many boomers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

One to change the bulb, and another to tell everyone how good the old one was.

Sis. Boom. Bah.

What is the sound of an exploding sheep?