books Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious books puns

I thought my son was spending too much time playing computer games, so I stopped him and said, "Son, when Abe Lincoln was your age, he was studying books by the light of the fireplace."



He considered that for a moment before replying, "Yeah, well, when Abe Lincoln was your age, he was The President of the United States."

👍🏼

In breaking news, Trump's personal library has burned down

The fire consumed both books and in a tragic twist he hadn't even finished coloring the second one

👍🏼

I asked the librarian if the library had any books about paranoia.

She whispered: "They're right behind you."

👍🏼

Did you hear the news that Trump's personal library burnt down?

Unfortunately, both books were permanently destroyed.


Do you know the what the real tragedy is?
He didn't even finish colouring the second one.

👍🏼

Do you know why libraries don't have books about suicide?

They never get returned

👍🏼

I got kicked out of the library today...

Apparently putting the feminism books in the sci-fi section was not acceptable.

👍🏼

A blind man walks into a library and asks, "Do you have any books on tape?"

The librarian says, "Yes, yes we do, but it's not a very interesting subject."

👍🏼

Why does Kim Jong Un love books?

Because he is the Supreme Reader.

👍🏼

Kim Jung Un loves to read books, what does that make him?

A glorious reader.

👍🏼

Kanye said he is an intellectual who doesn't read books.

Which I get because I am an athlete that rarely moves.

👍🏼

A man walks into a library

and asks the librarian at the info desk if they have any books on Pavlov's dog or Schrodinger's cat. The librarian thinks for a moment before replying "It rings a bell but I'm not sure whether it's there or not."

👍🏼

$2.1 million worth of textbooks were stolen the other day

All eight books were recovered.

👍🏼

A man died today when a pile of books fell on him.!!!

He only had his shelf to blame.,,,,

👍🏼

I liked the Harry Potter books and movies but...

I just feel like the character Nearly Headless Nick was a bit poorly executed.

👍🏼

I thought my son was spending too much time playing computer games...

I stoped him and said, "Son, when Abe Lincoln was your age, he was studying books by the light of the fireplace."

He considered that for a moment before replying, "Yeah, well, when Abe Lincoln was your age, he was The President of the United States."

👍🏼

Joke my mom just told me when I asked her why she never tells any jokes

A man is walking through the woods when he sees a bear charging at him. He books it, but he knows he can't outrun a bear for long, so he starts praying: "Dear Lord, I beseech thee. Please, o Lord, please let this bear be a Christian!" The bear catches up to him, knocks him down on the ground, then gets on its knees and says: "Dear Lord, thank you for this food I am about to receive..."

👍🏼

I asked a librarian if there are any books on discrimination against people in wheelchairs.

She replied "Yes, it's up the stairs, on the top shelf to the left."

👍🏼

A woman walks into a library and asked if they had any books about paranoia

Librarian: "They're right behind you!!"

👍🏼

To most religious people, the holy books are like a software license.

Nobody actually reads it. They just scroll to the bottom and click "I agree"

👍🏼

My local library refuses to stock how-to books about suicide.

They used to, but the decent ones were never returned.

👍🏼

Midget Discrimination

A midget asks the librarian, Do you have any books on midget discrimination? The librarian replies, Top shelf .

👍🏼

Little Johnny

Little Johnny's father noticed that Johnny was spending way too much time playing computer games. In an effort to motivate Little Johnny into focusing more attention on his schoolwork, his father said, "When Abe Lincoln was your age, he was studying books by the light of the fireplace."

Little Johnny replied, "When Abe Lincoln was your age, he was The President of the United States."

👍🏼

If anyone is interested, I'll be signing books today at Barnes & Noble from 6 pm...

until I'm removed by security.

👍🏼

I recently got crushed by a pile of books,

I recently got crushed by a pile of books, but I suppose I have only my shelf to blame.

👍🏼

I walked into a bookshop

Me: "Do you have any books on turtles?"


Them "Hard back?"


Me: "Yeah, with little heads"

👍🏼

I have a condition where I feel the need to steal library books.

I should probably get that checked out.

👍🏼

A blonde walks into a library..

she goes up to the librarians desk and says, "I'll have a quarter pounder with cheese, fries, and a diet coke please." The librarian looks at her in disbelief. "Uh, honey, this is a library, and not McDonalds." The blonde is totally taken aback as she looks around and see everyone quietly reading books. She says, "Oh my gosh, I am so sorry!"

*whispers* "I'll have a quarter pounder with cheese, fries, and a diet coke please."

👍🏼

-Hi, do you have books on midget discrimination?

-Yeah, look on that top shelf in the corner

👍🏼

I asked a girl to come back to my place and as she was looking through my books...

She asked, "How come you've got so many copies of 'War and Peace'?"

I replied, "It's a long story..."

👍🏼

I walked into a library.

I said, "Have you got any books on..."

"Telepathy?"

"Yes."

👍🏼

So a guy walks into a library...

...and asks if the librarian if they have any books about suicide.

The librarian says, "Fuck off, you won't bring it back."

👍🏼

A man emptied a punching bag of its content and filled it with Guinness books.

He then proceded to beat all records.

👍🏼

So, tonight at the library I asked the librarian if they had any books on turtles

"Hardback?" she inquired. "Yes" I said. "and little heads."

👍🏼

What kind of farm has lots of books but no livestock?

Barns and no-bulls.

(This joke was made up by my 7 year-old cousin.)

👍🏼

The wife was nagging me for ages to put a shelf up in the front room, but as I am shit at DIY I thought that I should get some advice.

So I went to the library and asked the woman there, "do you have any books on shelves?"

👍🏼

What are the most funny Books jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Books? Well, here are the best Books dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Books pick up lines to share with friends.

Joko Jokes