The Best 74 Books Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Books jokes. There are some books hardback jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these books book title and author puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 Funniest Books Jokes and Puns

I thought my son was spending too much time playing computer games, so I stopped him and said, "Son, when Abe Lincoln was your age, he was studying books by the light of the fireplace."



He considered that for a moment before replying, "Yeah, well, when Abe Lincoln was your age, he was The President of the United States."

So people are loading into an airplane

And the pilot of this airplane is blind. At the end of the take off strip is a huge lake. All the people on the plane are relaxing reading books and talking to each other as the airplane starts to roll down the strip. A few people see that they are heading towards a lake but they assume the pilot knows what he's doing. The airplane is going dangerously close to the lake and the plane is still not taking off, at this point people are starting panic. The plane is still not taking off and it's way too close to the lake. At this point everyone on the plane is screaming and yelling because the plane is about to plunge into the lake at the end of the strip. The plane is about 10 feet away from the lake then it lifts off the ground and takes off. The passengers calm down slowly and return to reading and talking . In the front of the plane the pilot laughs to himself and mumbles "one of these days the passengers won't scream and we'll all die."

A blonde walks into a library..

she goes up to the librarians desk and says, "I'll have a quarter pounder with cheese, fries, and a diet coke please." The librarian looks at her in disbelief. "Uh, honey, this is a library, and not McDonalds." The blonde is totally taken aback as she looks around and see everyone quietly reading books. She says, "Oh my gosh, I am so sorry!"

*whispers* "I'll have a quarter pounder with cheese, fries, and a diet coke please."

got arrested for smuggling books into kentucky

got off on a technicality, no one there could *prove* they were books

jokes about books

Did you hear there was a fire in George Bushes personal library?

It was awful! Most of his books hadn't even been colored in yet.


A new monk arrives at the monastery.....

and is assigned to help the other monks in copying the old texts by hand. He notices, however, that instead of copying the original books , they are copying the copies.

So, the new monk goes to the head monk to ask him about this. He points out that if there was an error in the first copy, that error would be continued in all of the other copies. The head monk says, "We have been copying from the copies for centuries, but you make a good point, my son."

So, he goes down into the cellar with one of the copies to check it against the original. Hours later, nobody has seen him. So, one of the monks goes downstairs to look for him. He hears sobbing coming from the back of the cellar and finds the old monk leaning over one of the original books sobbing. He asks what's wrong.

"The word is celebrate. " says the old monk with tears in his eyes.

Books all over the floor.....

but I have only my shelf to blame.

Books joke, Books all over the floor.....

Kanye said he is an intellectual who doesn't read books.

Which I get because I am an athlete that rarely moves.

Kim Jung Un loves to read books, what does that make him?

A glorious reader.

I recently got crushed by a pile of books,

I recently got crushed by a pile of books, but I suppose I have only my shelf to blame.

-Hi, do you have books on midget discrimination?

-Yeah, look on that top shelf in the corner

You can explore books literature reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean books myshelf dad jokes. There are also books puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


How long does an owl live?

six and a half books.

Why does Kim Jong Un love books?

Because he is the Supreme Reader.

So, tonight at the library I asked the librarian if they had any books on turtles

"Hardback?" she inquired. "Yes" I said. "and little heads."

What kind of farm has lots of books but no livestock?

Barns and no-bulls.

(This joke was made up by my 7 year-old cousin.)

i went to a bookshop

And asked for a book about tortoises. The woman asked "hardback?"

I said "yeah, and little heads."

Books joke, i went to a bookshop

BREAKING NEWS: Texas A&M Library burns to ground...

Both books were completely destroyed.
The worst part is, one of them wasn't even colored in yet.

A man died today when a pile of books fell on him.!!!

He only had his shelf to blame.,,,,

I bought 37 self-help books today...

I just couldn't help myself.


A midget walks into a bookstore...

...& asks clerk: 'do you happen to have any books on irony.'

The clerk points to a shelf: 'top row.'

I asked a librarian if there are any books on discrimination against people in wheelchairs.

She replied "Yes, it's up the stairs, on the top shelf to the left."

I walked into a bookshop

Me: "Do you have any books on turtles?"

Them "Hard back?"

Me: "Yeah, with little heads"

In breaking news, Trump's personal library has burned down

The fire consumed both books and in a tragic twist he hadn't even finished coloring the second one

I walked into a library.

I said, "Have you got any books on..."

"Telepathy?"

"Yes."

To most religious people, the holy books are like a software license.

Nobody actually reads it. They just scroll to the bottom and click "I agree"

I have a condition where I feel the need to steal library books.

I should probably get that checked out.

Books joke, I have a condition where I feel the need to steal library books.

I got kicked out of the library today...

Apparently putting the feminism books in the sci-fi section was not acceptable.

A blind man walks into a library and asks, "Do you have any books on tape?"

The librarian says, "Yes, yes we do, but it's not a very interesting subject."

A man walks into a library

and asks the librarian at the info desk if they have any books on Pavlov's dog or Schrodinger's cat. The librarian thinks for a moment before replying "It rings a bell but I'm not sure whether it's there or not."


Midget Discrimination

A midget asks the librarian, Do you have any books on midget discrimination? The librarian replies, Top shelf .

Did you hear the news that Trump's personal library burnt down?

Unfortunately, both books were permanently destroyed.

Do you know the what the real tragedy is?
He didn't even finish colouring the second one.

A man is walking through the woods when he sees a bear charging at him.

He books it, but he knows he can't outrun a bear for long, so he starts praying: "Dear Lord, I beseech thee. Please, o Lord, please let this bear be a Christian!" The bear catches up to him, knocks him down on the ground, then gets on its knees and says: "Dear Lord, thank you for this food I am about to receive..."

I asked the librarian if the library had any books about paranoia.

She whispered: "They're right behind you."

Little Johnny

Little Johnny's father noticed that Johnny was spending way too much time playing computer games. In an effort to motivate Little Johnny into focusing more attention on his schoolwork, his father said, "When Abe Lincoln was your age, he was studying books by the light of the fireplace."

Little Johnny replied, "When Abe Lincoln was your age, he was The President of the United States."


A tourist is travelling down the Rhine

He books himself into an old castle that has been converted into a hotel. Once he enters, he has the creepiest feeling come over him. He asked the lady a reception if they have ghosts in the hotel. She laughs and says, " I have been here for 300 years and never seen one"

Do you know why libraries don't have books about suicide?

They never get returned

I asked a girl to come back to my place and as she was looking through my books...

She asked, "How come you've got so many copies of 'War and Peace'?"

I replied, "It's a long story..."

In one Intensive care unit

people always died on the same bed at 11 am on a Sunday morning, regardless of their condition. This puzzled medical staff, so a group of doctors decided to observe the bed in secret and waited for the fateful hour. Some held crosses and prayer books to ward off evil influences, while the less superstitious had video cameras to catch the whole thing on tape. At the 11th hour, the door to the ward slowly opened, then a cleaner came in, disconnected the life support machine and plugged in a vacuum cleaner.

If anyone is interested, I'll be signing books today at Barnes & Noble from 6 pm...

until I'm removed by security.

$2.1 million worth of textbooks were stolen the other day

All eight books were recovered.

I liked the Harry Potter books and movies but...

I just feel like the character Nearly Headless Nick was a bit poorly executed.

I'm not saying my house has too many books

But I just saw an orang-utan in the kitchen, looking for a banana.

My friend got crushed by a pile of books.

He's only got his shelf to blame.

I went into the local library and asked if they had any books on the Titanic. "Oh yes, quite a few." the librarian said.

"Sorry to hear that!" I said laughing. "They'll all be ruined by now!"

A man emptied a punching bag of its content and filled it with Guinness books.

He then proceded to beat all records.

My local library refuses to stock how-to books about suicide.

They used to, but the decent ones were never returned.

I went into a book store today and asked if they had any books about turtles.

The cashier said : hardback?

I said: yeah and little heads

I went to the library and asked the librarian if she knew where books on paranoia were.

She said "They're right behind you".

My older brother always tore the last pages of my comic books, and never told me why.

I had to draw my own conclusions.

A depressed man walks into a library

Depressed man: do you have any books on suicide?

Library staff: yes it's on the third shelf over there

Depressed man: walks to third shelf

Depressed man after a few minutes: I can't seem to find any.

Library staff: yep it's awful cause they never bring them back

I liked the Harry Potter books and films but...

I think the character Nearly Headless Nick was a bit poorly executed

A woman walks up to a librarian and asks, "Do you have any books on Pavlov's dogs and Schrodinger's cat?"

The librarian replies, "It rings a bell, but I don't know if it's here or not."

I went to a bookstore recently.

Someone was throwing Stephen King books at everyone. I wondered why they were doing that. Then IT hit me.

In breaking news, Trump's personal library has burned down.

The fire consumed both books and in a tragic twist, he hadn't even finished coloring the second one.



I asked the librarian if the library had any books on paranoia.

She leaned over and whispered, "They're right behind you. . ."

All the comic books I inherited from my older brother had their last pages missing.

I had to draw my own conclusions.

My girlfriend said she wanted to buy some books before we had even put our new bookcase together.

I said let's not get ahead of our shelves .

Next time you're feeling down remember life is all about perspective

I have a friend who has sex 2-3x a day, exercises twice a day, reads two books a week yet every day he complains about how much he hates prison

Next time you're feeling down, remember that life is all about perspective.

I have a friend who has sex 2-3 times a day, exercises twice a day and reads two books every week yet he always complains how he much he hates prison.

A father bought a lie detector which hit people when they lied.

His young son said, I have no naughty books!

The machine quickly hit him.

His father saw that and scolded his son, When I was your age, I didn't have such books!

The machine quickly hit him.

The mother saw what happened and laughed and said, Oh, you are truly father and son!

The machine quickly hit her.

A man walks into a library and asks the librarian for books about paranoia.

She whispers, "They're right behind you!"

I think it's smart for Texans to remove books from libraries...

They're going to need more fuel for the fires after the Power Grid fails again

I went to a bookstore and asked the assistant for a book on Turtles..

"Hardback?" she asked


"Yes, with little heads" I said

I really loved the Harry Potter books. But the Gryffindor Ghost, "Nearly Headless Nick" has always annoyed me.

I think it's because he really was poorly executed.

I asked the librarian if they had any books on paranoia.

She whispered, "they're right behind you!"

I found the first four books of the Harry Potter series to be quite lighthearted.

But the fifth oneβ€”-dead Sirius.

I use to go to a comic book shop that only sold books with female leads;

The owner was apparently arrested for being a heroine dealer.

I went into the bookshop and asked the woman for a book about turtles.

She asked: "Hardback?"

And I replied "Yeah, and little heads."

One of my books just had a four-star review!

The reviewer said "This book is \*\*\*\*"

I visited the library the other day.

I asked the librarian where the books on paranoid delusions were kept.
She leaned in close to me and whispered,

"They're behind you!"

How Did The Frog Sell A Million Books?

Because his story was so ribbiting!

The Donald Trump Presidential Library burned down last week.

Sadly, both books were lost, and one of them had just barely been coloured in.

If you take the first two letters of the title of each the 7 Harry Potter books, it spells out a secret message

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Breaking News Trump's personal library just burned down

The fire consumed both books and he hasn't even finished coloring the second one

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the books book name jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working books book of dad piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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