Books Jokes
155 books jokes and hilarious books puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about books that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Step into our comical library of jokes about books, where each sentence is a punchline, waiting to tickle your literary funny bone. Perfect for when you're surrounded by fellow bibliophiles, at book club meetings, or just when you need a good laugh during a reading marathon, these literary laughs are absolutely page-turners.
Be it a pun about a classic novel or a humorous spin on a beloved author, cracking a good book joke can turn monotonous reading sessions into hilarious memories. Let's recall Mark Twain's words, The human race has one really effective weapon, and that's laughter. So if the drudgery of your unfinished novel is getting you down, remember, A room without books is like a body without a soul, but a room with books and no laughter is like a comedy club with no comedians. So, prepare for an uproarious journey through pages filled with fun and laughter, because everyone knows that laughter is the best bookmark.
Do you love books? Get ready for a laugh - this article features the best books jokes you'll ever hear! From shortest books to lifespan of epic novels to Black Books, these library-themed puns will have you cracking up in no time. So grab a Christmas book and get ready to enjoy a good read of these hilarious book jokes!
Quick Jump To
- Short Books Jokes
- Books One Liners
- Library Books Jokes
- Books And Author Jokes
- Books And Authors Jokes
- Christmas Books Jokes
- More Books Jokes
Funniest Books Short Jokes
Short books jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The books humour may include short fiction jokes also.
- If you take the first two letters of the title of each the 7 harry potter books, it spells out a secret message HAHAHAHAHAHAHA
- I told my teenage niece to go get me a phone book... She laughed at me, and said
"Oh uncle J you're so old. Just use my phone."
So I slammed her phone against the wall to kill a spider. - Helen Keller once described a cheese grater as... "The most violent book I have ever read"
- Breaking News Trump's personal library just burned down The fire consumed both books and he hasn't even finished coloring the second one
- My parents read the book I was writing. They said the main character wasn't likeable. It was an autobiography...
- I decided to kill off some characters in the book I am writing It would definitely spice up my autobiography.
- I asked the librarian if the library had any books about paranoia. She whispered: "They're right behind you."
- They say Kim Jong Un has read every single book That must be why everyone calls him the supreme reader
- Librarian: Can I help you? Dave: Yeah, I'm looking for a book about-
Librarian: Being psychic?
Dave: No...
Librarian: One day that will work. - A police officer accidentally arrested a judge who was dressed like a convict for a costume party. He quickly learned to never book a judge by their cover
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Books One Liners
Which books one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with books? I can suggest the ones about library and book and author.
- What do u call a book club that has been stuck on the same book for years? Church
- Two mice are chewing on a film roll One says, "I liked the book better"
- What do you call a book club that's been stuck on only one book for years? The Church
- Why does Kim Jong Un love books? Because he is the Supreme Reader.
- Kim Jung Un loves to read books, what does that make him? A glorious reader.
- I've been reading a book on euthanasia... It's so good I can't put it down.
- Look, I'm all for coloring books... but connect-the-dots? That's where I draw the line.
- I read a book about Stockholm Syndrome. At first I hated it, but by the end I loved it.
- $2.1 million worth of textbooks were stolen the other day All eight books were recovered.
- A man died today when a pile of books fell on him.!!! He only had his shelf to blame.,,,,
- "I'd like this book on revenge please" Cashier: "You'll pay for that."
- Life is too short for my book of 5 letter words.
- What do you call a book club that's been stuck on one book for years? Church
- I have written a book on Penguins In hindsight, paper would have been better.
- I just booked some cheap seats from United. They were in the nosebleed section.
Library Books Jokes
Here is a list of funny library books jokes and even better library books puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Some friends wanted to get married at the public library, but they couldn't... Because it was booked.
\-My Pops - I got kicked out of the library today... Apparently putting the feminism books in the sci-fi section was not acceptable.
- Have a turkish joke A prisoner goes to the jail's library to borrow a book. The librarian says: "We don't have this book, but we have its author"
- A blind man walks into a library and asks, "Do you have any books on tape?" The librarian says, "Yes, yes we do, but it's not a very interesting subject."
- I went to the library and asked for a book on Pavlov's dog and Shrodinger's Cat The librarian said "That rings a bell but I don't know if it's here or not."
- A guy walking to library and asks for a book on sea turtles. The librarian asks "hard back?"
The guy replies "yeah little heads too." - I got fired from my job at the library... Apparently the book on women's rights doesn't belong in the fiction section.
- "A man walks into a library and asks the librarian for a book on Pavlov's dog and Schrödinger's cat." "The librarian says, 'It rings a bell but I'm not sure if it's here or not!'"
- A man walks into a library and asks where he can find books on paranoia. The librarian whispers, "They're right behind you!"
- A man walks into a library... And he asks "Excuse me, is The Big Book of Turtles in?"
"Hard back?"
"Yeah, with little heads"
Books And Author Jokes
Here is a list of funny books and author jokes and even better books and author puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Do you know about the Chinese author who wrote a million page book? It was Wei Tu Long.
- A man recently took an author to court after he was sold a book that only contained five words. He received a short sentence.
- Turkish Joke A prisoner goes to the warden and asks for a book. The guard makes a phone call then says:
We don't have the book but we have the author across the hall. - What author could write the best book on extracting mercury from the earth? Hg Wells
- Read a book about gay marriage in Ireland The authors' names are: Gerald Fitzpatrick and Patrick Fitzgerald.
- Turkish gallows humor A prisoner goes to the prison library, and asks for a specific book. The guard tells him, "we don't have that book... but we do have the author."
- Breaking Celebrity News! Academy Award winning Actor, Simmons, and children's book Author, Rowling, eloped earlier today. JK
- What happens when the God Of Thunder starts writing books? He becomes an author.
- Did you hear about the author who writes using invisible ink? Here's a list of his books:
- In Turkey, a prisoner goes to the prison library and asks for a book. The librarian answers Unfortunately, we do not have the book here. But the author.
Books And Authors Jokes
Here is a list of funny books and authors jokes and even better books and authors puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I just got done writing a book! I think I have authoritis...
- Did you hear about the author who wrote a book during her time of the month? It was a period piece.
- What book are you reading? Some new Danish author.
- What did they rename the Norse god of lightning after he turned into gold and began writing books? Author
- This book of incantations is useless. The author failed to run a spell check.
- The author of the book "Childish Retorts" died today. RIP Ewan Whosarmy
- Breaking News: Criminal author gets 5 years in book case Check out his story!
- I just finished reading a book about preventing skin injuries and burns... The author classified the book as "non-friction"
- What happens if you write too many books? What?
You will get author-itis. - I appreciate it when authors decide to go for an embossed cover on their book It's always a nice touch
Christmas Books Jokes
Here is a list of funny christmas books jokes and even better christmas books puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- To all those that received a book from me for a Christmas present They're due back at the library today.
- I gave my Blind friend a cheese grater for Christmas. He told me it was the most violent book he had ever read.
- I bought my cousin, who is blind, a cheese grater last Christmas. He said it's the most violent book his ever read.
- Friends, just a reminder to those who received a book from me at Christmas... They are due back in the library this Friday.
- To everyone who received a book from me for Christmas. They're due back in the library this Friday, cheers.
- If anybody received a book from me at Christmas They'll be due back at the library in the next few days.
- Stevie Wonder got a cheesegrater for Christmas. He said it was the most violent book he's ever read.
- A blind person gets a cheese grater as a Christmas gift from a friend. A week passes and he calls his friend and says to him : " That's one of the most violent books i've ever read".
- The wife says she wants a bigger house by Christmas. So I've bought her a diet book.
- Why couldn't Mary and Joseph get a room at the inn? Well it was Christmas....they should have booked ahead
Gather Around for Fun Books Jokes and Laughter with Friends
What funny jokes about books you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean children book jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make books pranks.
I thought my son was spending too much time playing computer games, so I stopped him and said, "Son, when Abe Lincoln was your age, he was studying books by the light of the fireplace."
He considered that for a moment before replying, "Yeah, well, when Abe Lincoln was your age, he was The President of the United States."
So people are loading into an airplane
And the pilot of this airplane is blind. At the end of the take off s**... is a huge lake. All the people on the plane are relaxing reading books and talking to each other as the airplane starts to roll down the s**.... A few people see that they are heading towards a lake but they assume the pilot knows what he's doing. The airplane is going dangerously close to the lake and the plane is still not taking off, at this point people are starting panic. The plane is still not taking off and it's way too close to the lake. At this point everyone on the plane is screaming and yelling because the plane is about to plunge into the lake at the end of the s**.... The plane is about 10 feet away from the lake then it lifts off the ground and takes off. The passengers calm down slowly and return to reading and talking . In the front of the plane the pilot laughs to himself and mumbles "one of these days the passengers won't scream and we'll all die."
A blonde walks into a library..
she goes up to the librarians desk and says, "I'll have a quarter pounder with cheese, fries, and a diet coke please." The librarian looks at her in disbelief. "Uh, honey, this is a library, and not McDonalds." The blonde is totally taken aback as she looks around and see everyone quietly reading books. She says, "Oh my gosh, I am so sorry!"
*whispers* "I'll have a quarter pounder with cheese, fries, and a diet coke please."
midget in the library
midget walks into a library and ask do you have any books on irony? the librarian replies sure they are on the top shelf
got arrested for smuggling books into kentucky
got off on a technicality, no one there could *prove* they were books
Did you hear there was a fire in George Bushes personal library?
It was awful! Most of his books hadn't even been colored in yet.
A new monk arrives at the monastery.....
and is assigned to help the other monks in copying the old texts by hand. He notices, however, that instead of copying the original books , they are copying the copies.
So, the new monk goes to the head monk to ask him about this. He points out that if there was an error in the first copy, that error would be continued in all of the other copies. The head monk says, "We have been copying from the copies for centuries, but you make a good point, my son."
So, he goes down into the cellar with one of the copies to check it against the original. Hours later, nobody has seen him. So, one of the monks goes downstairs to look for him. He hears sobbing coming from the back of the cellar and finds the old monk leaning over one of the original books sobbing. He asks what's wrong.
"The word is celebrate. " says the old monk with tears in his eyes.
A "your mama joke for the books.
Your mama is so s**... she puts lipstick on her forehead... Just to make up her mind.
Books all over the floor.....
but I have only my shelf to blame.
Kanye said he is an intellectual who doesn't read books.
Which I get because I am an athlete that rarely moves.
Dogs are like books
The more you like them, the harder they are to put down.
I recently got crushed by a pile of books,
I recently got crushed by a pile of books, but I suppose I have only my shelf to blame.
-Hi, do you have books on midget discrimination?
-Yeah, look on that top shelf in the corner
How long does an owl live?
six and a half books.
In the library:
"Excuse me, where are the books about paranoia?"
"They are... right behind you."
So, tonight at the library I asked the librarian if they had any books on turtles
"Hardback?" she inquired. "Yes" I said. "and little heads."
What kind of farm has lots of books but no livestock?
Barns and no-bulls.
(This joke was made up by my 7 year-old cousin.)
So I ask my local librarian...
If she had books on Pavlovs dog and Schrodingers cat. She said they rang a bell but dont know if they are there or not.
Inigo Montoya gets married
He tells his new wife that he has always wanted a son to carry on the family name. They try for several years, but never have any children. Upset, he takes her to Miracle Max to see what can be done. Miracle Max looks her over, asks some questions, consults his books, and comes back with the bad news. He tells Inigo that his wife will never bear children. It turns out that she's inconceivable.
A guy walks in a library:
- Do you have motivational books here?
- Yes darling, right there, 3rd row, the second shelf.
- Do you have any books closer?"
i went to a bookshop
And asked for a book about tortoises. The woman asked "hardback?"
I said "yeah, and little heads."
BREAKING NEWS: Texas A&M Library burns to ground...
Both books were completely destroyed.
The worst part is, one of them wasn't even colored in yet.
I bought 37 self-help books today...
I just couldn't help myself.
A midget walks into a bookstore...
...& asks clerk: 'do you happen to have any books on irony.'
The clerk points to a shelf: 'top row.'
I asked a librarian if there are any books on discrimination against people in wheelchairs.
She replied "Yes, it's up the stairs, on the top shelf to the left."
I walked into a bookshop
Me: "Do you have any books on turtles?"
Them "Hard back?"
Me: "Yeah, with little heads"
Books keep falling on my head....
I've only got myshelf to blame
What kind of books do fruit read?
Pulp Fiction
I walked into a library.
I said, "Have you got any books on..."
"Telepathy?"
"Yes."
To most religious people, the holy books are like a software license.
Nobody actually reads it. They just scroll to the bottom and click "I agree"
You wanna know why I got kicked out of the library?
I moved all of the women's rights books to the fiction section.
I have a condition where I feel the need to steal library books.
I should probably get that checked out.
A man walks into a library
and asks the librarian at the info desk if they have any books on Pavlov's dog or Schrodinger's cat. The librarian thinks for a moment before replying "It rings a bell but I'm not sure whether it's there or not."
Midget Discrimination
A midget asks the librarian, Do you have any books on midget discrimination? The librarian replies, Top shelf .
Did you hear the news that Trump's personal library burnt down?
Unfortunately, both books were permanently destroyed.
Do you know the what the real tragedy is?
He didn't even finish colouring the second one.
A man is walking through the woods when he sees a bear charging at him.
He books it, but he knows he can't outrun a bear for long, so he starts praying: "Dear Lord, I beseech thee. Please, o Lord, please let this bear be a Christian!" The bear catches up to him, knocks him down on the ground, then gets on its knees and says: "Dear Lord, thank you for this food I am about to receive..."
I like my books like I like my women
Thin, interesting and good in bed.
Little Johnny
Little Johnny's father noticed that Johnny was spending way too much time playing computer games. In an effort to motivate Little Johnny into focusing more attention on his schoolwork, his father said, "When Abe Lincoln was your age, he was studying books by the light of the fireplace."
Little Johnny replied, "When Abe Lincoln was your age, he was The President of the United States."
A tourist is travelling down the Rhine
He books himself into an old castle that has been converted into a hotel. Once he enters, he has the creepiest feeling come over him. He asked the lady a reception if they have ghosts in the hotel. She laughs and says, " I have been here for 300 years and never seen one"
Do you know why libraries don't have books about s**...?
They never get returned
I asked a girl to come back to my place and as she was looking through my books...
She asked, "How come you've got so many copies of 'War and Peace'?"
I replied, "It's a long story..."
In one Intensive care unit
people always died on the same bed at 11 am on a Sunday morning, regardless of their condition. This puzzled medical staff, so a group of doctors decided to observe the bed in secret and waited for the fateful hour. Some held crosses and prayer books to ward off evil influences, while the less superstitious had video cameras to catch the whole thing on tape. At the 11th hour, the door to the ward slowly opened, then a cleaner came in, disconnected the life support machine and plugged in a vacuum cleaner.
I finished 3 books today..
Might not sound like it, but that's a lot of colouring
That's the problem with writing books about s**... techniques
... you only get negative reviews.
If anyone is interested, I'll be signing books today at Barnes & Noble from 6 pm...
until I'm removed by security.
I liked the Harry Potter books and movies but...
I just feel like the character Nearly Headless Nick was a bit poorly executed.
I'm not saying my house has too many books
But I just saw an orang-utan in the kitchen, looking for a banana.
My friend got crushed by a pile of books.
He's only got his shelf to blame.
I went into the local library and asked if they had any books on the Titanic. "Oh yes, quite a few." the librarian said.
"Sorry to hear that!" I said laughing. "They'll all be ruined by now!"
I just read an article in the news that Kim Jong Un reads more than 1,000 books a year...
I guess that's why they call him the Supreme Reader.
A man emptied a punching bag of its content and filled it with Guinness books.
He then proceded to beat all records.
My local library refuses to stock how-to books about s**....
They used to, but the decent ones were never returned.
I went into a book store today and asked if they had any books about turtles.
The cashier said : hardback?
I said: yeah and little heads
I went to the library and asked the librarian if she knew where books on paranoia were.
She said "They're right behind you".
I found the first four Harry Potter books to be quite light hearted.
The fifth one was dead Sirius.
At the bookstore
Customer : Do you have any books on turtles
Server : Hard back ?
Customer : Yeah, with little heads
My older brother always tore the last pages of my comic books, and never told me why.
I had to draw my own conclusions.
A depressed man walks into a library
Depressed man: do you have any books on s**...?
Library staff: yes it's on the third shelf over there
Depressed man: walks to third shelf
Depressed man after a few minutes: I can't seem to find any.
Library staff: yep it's awful cause they never bring them back
I liked the Harry Potter books and films but...
I think the character Nearly Headless Nick was a bit poorly executed
A woman walks up to a librarian and asks, "Do you have any books on Pavlov's dogs and Schrodinger's cat?"
The librarian replies, "It rings a bell, but I don't know if it's here or not."
I went to a bookstore recently.
Someone was throwing Stephen King books at everyone. I wondered why they were doing that. Then IT hit me.
I asked the librarian if the library had any books on paranoia.
She leaned over and whispered, "They're right behind you. . ."
All the comic books I inherited from my older brother had their last pages missing.
I had to draw my own conclusions.
My girlfriend said she wanted to buy some books before we had even put our new bookcase together.
I said let's not get ahead of our shelves .
Next time you're feeling down remember life is all about perspective
I have a friend who has s**... 2-3x a day, exercises twice a day, reads two books a week yet every day he complains about how much he hates prison
Next time you're feeling down, remember that life is all about perspective.
I have a friend who has s**... 2-3 times a day, exercises twice a day and reads two books every week yet he always complains how he much he hates prison.
A father bought a lie detector which hit people when they lied.
His young son said, I have no naughty books!
The machine quickly hit him.
His father saw that and scolded his son, When I was your age, I didn't have such books!
The machine quickly hit him.
The mother saw what happened and laughed and said, Oh, you are truly father and son!
The machine quickly hit her.
A man walks into a library and asks the librarian for books about paranoia.
She whispers, "They're right behind you!"
Man crushed by pile of old books
His wife said he only had his shelf to blame
I think it's smart for Texans to remove books from libraries...
They're going to need more fuel for the fires after the Power Grid fails again
My 9 year old came up with this: what do you call a tsunami of books?
A title wave.
I went to a bookstore and asked the assistant for a book on Turtles..
"Hardback?" she asked
"Yes, with little heads" I said
I really loved the Harry Potter books. But the Gryffindor Ghost, "Nearly Headless Nick" has always annoyed me.
I think it's because he really was poorly executed.
I asked the librarian if they had any books on paranoia.
She whispered, "they're right behind you!"
I found the first four books of the Harry Potter series to be quite lighthearted.
But the fifth one—-dead Sirius.
