Booked Jokes
86 booked jokes and hilarious booked puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about booked that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Booked Short Jokes
Short booked jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The booked humour may include short booking jokes also.
- If you take the first two letters of the title of each the 7 harry potter books, it spells out a secret message HAHAHAHAHAHAHA
- I told my teenage niece to go get me a phone book... She laughed at me, and said
"Oh uncle J you're so old. Just use my phone."
So I slammed her phone against the wall to kill a spider. - Helen Keller once described a cheese grater as... "The most violent book I have ever read"
- Breaking News Trump's personal library just burned down The fire consumed both books and he hasn't even finished coloring the second one
- My parents read the book I was writing. They said the main character wasn't likeable. It was an autobiography...
- I decided to kill off some characters in the book I am writing It would definitely spice up my autobiography.
- I asked the librarian if the library had any books about paranoia. She whispered: "They're right behind you."
- They say Kim Jong Un has read every single book That must be why everyone calls him the supreme reader
- Librarian: Can I help you? Dave: Yeah, I'm looking for a book about-
Librarian: Being psychic?
Dave: No...
Librarian: One day that will work. - A police officer accidentally arrested a judge who was dressed like a convict for a costume party. He quickly learned to never book a judge by their cover
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Booked One Liners
Which booked one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with booked? I can suggest the ones about rented and bought.
- What do u call a book club that has been stuck on the same book for years? Church
- Two mice are chewing on a film roll One says, "I liked the book better"
- What do you call a book club that's been stuck on only one book for years? The Church
- Why does Kim Jong Un love books? Because he is the Supreme Reader.
- Kim Jung Un loves to read books, what does that make him? A glorious reader.
- I've been reading a book on euthanasia... It's so good I can't put it down.
- Look, I'm all for coloring books... but connect-the-dots? That's where I draw the line.
- I read a book about Stockholm Syndrome. At first I hated it, but by the end I loved it.
- $2.1 million worth of textbooks were stolen the other day All eight books were recovered.
- A man died today when a pile of books fell on him.!!! He only had his shelf to blame.,,,,
- "I'd like this book on revenge please" Cashier: "You'll pay for that."
- Life is too short for my book of 5 letter words.
- What do you call a book club that's been stuck on one book for years? Church
- I have written a book on Penguins In hindsight, paper would have been better.
- I just booked some cheap seats from United. They were in the nosebleed section.
Laughable Booked Jokes for Instant Grins & Giggles
What funny jokes about booked you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean arranged jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make booked pranks.
Anyone know any good jokes about a mad scientist?
I work at a art studio and a group of scientist booked one of our adult classes & i thought it would be fun to start the class with a science related joke. So give me your best best shot
I phoned my wife today and said...
"Pack a bag dear, I've booked us into a hotel for a few nights."
"Ooh, why's that?" she asked.
I said, "Well I've been playing poker all day, havent I!"
"Really?" she asked again in excitement, "How much have you won?"
"Nothing," I replied. "I've lost the house."
Couldn't get into the library the other day...
... it was fully booked.
I'm starting to have second thoughts about the hotel room I booked at the Indian Casino this weekend.
simply put, I'm having reservations about my reservation on the reservation.
The referee
I refereed a women's football match yesterday. It was brilliant.
I booked two for muttering under their breath, one for the silent treatment and I sent one off without explanation and left her wondering what she'd done wrong.
I booked an hotel in kenya on walking distance from the beach...
You can't imagine how far those kenyans will walk.
[source: philip geubels, Belgian comedian]
Lawyers and Prostitutes
If a solicitor engages in solicitation and a p**... engages in prostitution, then why do prostitutes get booked for solicitation and solicitors get paid to screw people?
I got pulled over with some Duracell and Morton's in my car...
They booked me on a salt and battery charge.
Timbuktu
Once in a quizshow. There were an Australian and a priest competing against each other. Their scores were equal, so they had to create a verse about "Timbuktu".
The priest began:
"I was a father, all my life,
had no children, had no wife.
I read the Bible, through and through.
On my way to Timbuktu."
Then the Australian told his version:
"When Tim and I to Brisbane went,
we met three ladies cheap to rent.
They were three and we were two,
so I booked one and Tim booked two!"
I booked some Star Wars impersonators for my son's birthday, but I've just had a phone call saying that their people carrier's broken down.
All I know is that they're in a Galaxy far, far away.
A man approached the check in counter
A man approached the check in counter, he had a flight booked to Miami. He leaned over to the lady and said "Miss I have a special request, I would like my green bag to go to London, and my red bag to go to Hawaii"
Confused, the check in lady said "I'm sorry sir we can't do that"
The man responded "Thats great news, because thats what happened last time"
Did you hear about the librarian who wanted to get arrested?
Turns out she just wanted to get booked.
John Wilkes Booth wasn't a talented actor
but he got booked a lot based on the strength of his headshot.
I booked a day trip to Svalbard in April!
I get back in August.
So my friend had some issue with his hearing....
My friend was having some issues with his hearing, so he booked a doctor's appointment. The doctor checked him over and had a look in his ears. The doctor said "okay. So, describe the symptoms". My friend said "well, there's homer. He's the dad. And there's Marge, she's got big blue hair..."
What did the Officer say after arresting the crooked cook?
"I just booked a cook for cooking the books."
I wanted to reserve a copy of a new novel coming out
But they were all booked
I just tried to make reservations at the library.
Couldn't get one though.
They were fully booked.
I think Samsung has messed up with my new phone's shipment.
I had booked a Galaxy Note ''S7'', not C4.
My grandparents told me they wanted me to play my bagpipes at their f**...
I told them I was all booked up for next week.
Me and girlfriend don't usually do anything for valentines day, thought I'd surprise her so I booked a table for us, she was so excited when I told her
Never realised she liked snooker so much.
I couldnt make reservations at this swenky new library
They were fully booked.
When you are engaged don't say you are taken...
You are just booked. Bookings can be cancelled anytime
I tried to schedule an appointment at the Library
... but I couldn't because they were fully booked.
I couldn't get a place at the local library
...........they were completely booked
I booked a trip to visit the Cherokee in Oklahoma this summer, but I'm having second thoughts...
I'm having a reservation reservation reservation.
A concert promoter was fired for claiming he had the worlds largest piano player booked when he was only 5' 8"...
Just another case of a man lying about the size of his pianist.
I tried to make reservations at the library...
but they were completely booked.
I booked an airline ticket with United Airlines
It was a drag
It was going to cost me $700 to put down my dog
So I booked a United flight instead
United airlines did get one good thing out of this all.
Everyone will volunteer their seat if they're over booked.
Our corporate travel agency booked me a flight on United
I got reservations.
I've just booked a haircut with a Jamaican hairdresser
I'm dreading it.
I just got arrested while on stage at a renaissance fair.
Apparently my agent was confused and they actually booked me to perform a lute act on stage.
What's a difference between a crusade and a h**...
In one, you m**... for a book and in other you are booked for a m**....
Friend said he was going to rent a court for us to play on
The next time I saw him
He booked it.
My band played at a library yesterday
It was fully booked!
I had booked a U2 for my wife's birthday party...
Unfortunately they had to cancel. Luckily I found a replacement at the last minute. This new guy was amazing. He looked the part, sang all the songs exactly, and even his mannerisms were spot on.
After the party I went up to the replacement and asked how much I owed him for the gig. He said, "Don't worry mate, I'm pro Bono."
I tried to reserve a spot at the Library
But they said they were booked
A booked flight crashed as it was leaving Warsaw
There were too many Poles on the right side of the plane
I bumped into two average Joes hanging out together, so I booked it the opposite direction...
... pair-a-normal activity freaks me out.
I couldn't get a spot in my local library.
It was completely booked.
You can never get an appointment at a library
They are always fully booked
I booked a session with a professional insulter.
It was a dis appointment.
I couldn't schedule an appointment today at my local library
Apparently they're fully booked
Valentines Night Surprise.
My Wife was all exited when I told her that I had booked a table for Two for Valentines Night, I just hopes she likes Snooker.
I've booked a flight with Southwest Airlines.
I hope it's a blast!
I'm here to see the doctor.
Secretary: Which doctor?
I suppose, if the real doctor is booked.
My friend recently got married in the Signet Library in Edinburgh. I was surprised he managed to bag the reservation
They're usually fully booked.
On my recent trip to Kenya, I booked a hotel within walking distance of the beach.
You can't imagine how far the Kenyans would walk.
I'm a germaphobe and my doctor said to face my fear
So I did it, I booked my flight to Germany.
Did you hear about bookshelf that was full?
It was fully booked?
I have been married 38 years but have never been very romantic, so this Valentines night I am going to change, I have booked a table for two for me and the missus.
Just hope she likes snooker.
As it is international women's day i told my gf ill do the dinner tonight
Tables booked for 7
A guy walks into a hotel
He asks at the front desk for his reservation .
The manager asks about his details and then gives him the key.
The guest then takes his room key and goes into the elevator.
After half an hour he comes back and angrily complains the manger that he couldn't find his room
The manager calmly replies," Well what did you expect when you booked room 404?."
What do you call a concern about a specific time you may have booked on Native American property?
A reservation reservation reservation.
My band booked a gig tomorrow at the local pub
So I'm spending all night learning bar chords.
I just booked a vacation at the Sandal Resort and Spa
It's the singles version of Sandals.
I was trying to make a reservation for a seat at the library
But they were fully booked
I couldn't get a reservation at the library
They were completely booked
Marcel Marceau and Charlie Chaplin were booked to perform at a benefit.
Naturally since they were both silent performers, their acts relied purely on physical humor. The night of the performance they were backstage comparing notes and discovered they had planned to do almost the same bits: man stuck in box; man pulling rope; man walking against the wind; etc.
I guess it just goes to show, great mimes think alike.
I called the library to try to make a reservation...
But they said they were fully booked.
Why were there so few capitol police during Jan 6th riots?
Well you can't make them work when they already booked the day off to attend the protest!
I tried making a reservation at the library...
..they said that they were fully booked.
Why couldn't Mary and Joseph get a room at the inn?
Well it was Christmas....they should have booked ahead
Some friends wanted to get married at the public library, but they couldn't...
Because it was booked.
\-My Pops
I made reservations at the library
It was completely booked
Why couldn't the couple get married at the library?
It was all booked up
With a s**... smile, she said to me "Kiss me where the sun don't shine."
...so I booked us two tickets for a December holiday in northern Norway.
Booked a table for 2 for the valentine's day
Hope my girlfriend likes snooker
