Book Week Jokes

52 book week jokes and hilarious book week puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about book week that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Funniest Book Week Short Jokes

Short book week jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The book week humour may include short reading week jokes also.

  1. Blind friend and a cheese grater I bought my blind friend a cheese grater for his birthday. A week later, he told me it was the most violent book he ever read.
  2. The Donald Trump Presidential Library burned down last week. Sadly, both books were lost, and one of them had just barely been coloured in.
  3. It's three weeks late, but the "History of Clocks" book I ordered finally arrived. It's about time.
  4. I bought a book online called "How to scam people online" It's been weeks, I still haven't received it
  5. A blind person gets a cheese grater as a Christmas gift from a friend. A week passes and he calls his friend and says to him : " That's one of the most violent books i've ever read".
  6. I bought my blind friend a cheese grader for his birthday. A week later…
    He said it was the most violent book he's ever read…
  7. To everyone who received a book from me at Christmas... They're due back at the library in two weeks...
  8. Book club leader: "So last weeks assignment was Fight Club by Chuck Palahniuk. What did everyone think?" [No one responds]
  9. Once I fell for the oldest trick in the book. The next week, she died at the age of 110, and my hip still hurts.
  10. I've just had a book about poltergeists published and will be in stores next week I'm expecting it to fly off the shelves.

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Book Week One Liners

Which book week one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with book week? I can suggest the ones about book report and book club.

  1. I ordered a book of puns last week. I didn't get it.
  2. I'm reading a book about meeting deadlines. I should have finished it a week ago.
  3. I read a book the other day, it said 3-4 years on it but it only took me a week.
  4. It takes me 2 weeks to finish a book. It took Al-Qadea 120 Minutes to finish the WTC.
  5. I read a very good book about astronomy last week. It was stellar.

Book Week Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.

What funny jokes about book week you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean week start jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make book week pranks.

A blonde stormed up to the front desk of the library and with a screaming voice said, “I have a complaint!”
“How can i help you?” said the librarian looking up at her.
“I borrowed a book last week and it was horrible!”
Puzzled by her complain the librarian asked “What was wrong with it?”
“It had way too many characters and there was no plot!” said the blonde.
The librarian nodded and said, “Ahhh. So YOU must be the person who took our phone book."


A priest sees a young man walk into his church. He's downtrodden, shabby-looking, obviously in distress.
"My son, what's troubling you?"
"Oh, Father, I'm at my wit's end. I got fired, the bills are piling up, my credit cards are maxed out, I'm about to lose everything. I don't know what to do!"
"Take heart, my son" the priest says. "All shall be well in the fullness of time. Go to a nice, quiet park, where you can be at one with nature. Set your bible on a table, contemplate your trials and tribulations, and wait for the wind to flip the pages of your good book. Read what it says there, and you shall find your inspiration."
The man leaves, and the priest does not see him for several weeks. Then one day, the young man pulls up to the church driving a new Porsche, wearing an expensive Italian designer suit, obviously on top of the world.
"My goodness, son, you've certainly turned your life around!"
"Yes, Father, and I owe it all to you! I did what you said-when I looked at my bible, I knew I had found the answer!"
"That's wonderful, son. But if I may ask, what was it that you read?"
"Chapter 13."

Statistician and bomb.

Found this on Raymond Smullyan's book "To Mock a Mockingbird". Hope you might like it.
There is the story of
a statistician who told a friend that he never took airplanes: "I
have computed the probability that there will be a bomb on
the plane," he explained, "and although this probability is low,
it is still too high for my comfort. " Two weeks later, the friend
met the statistician on a plane. "How come you changed your
theory?" he asked. "Oh, I didn't change my theory; it's just
that I subsequently computed the probability that there would
simultaneously be two bombs on a plane. This probability is
low enough for my comfort. So now I simply carry my own
bomb. "

Two Jews were arguing whether or not white is a color

After arguing for a week they went for an advice to their rabbi
Rabbi looked into an old book and said yes, white is a color.
A week later same Jews were arguing for a week whether black is a color
Went to the same rabbi who said yes, black is also a color
See!!! says one of them, I did sell you a color TV!!!!

Two different doctors

Two patients limp into two different medical clinics with the same complaint. Both have trouble walking and appear to require a hip replacement.
The FIRST patient is examined by his regular doctor within the hour, is x-rayed the same day and has a time booked for surgery the following week.
The SECOND sees his regular doctor after waiting 3 weeks for an appointment, then waits 8 weeks to see a specialist, then gets an x-ray, which isn't reviewed for another week and finally has his surgery scheduled for 6 months from then.
Why the different treatment for the two patients?
The FIRST is a Golden Retriever.
The SECOND is a Senior Citizen.

Two guys and a girl are stranded on a desert island

All hope is lost and they decide if they're going to die, at least they're going out with a bang. With nothing else to keep them occupied, all they do is have s**.... Nonstop mind blowing s**.... They're trying everything in the book, every position, physically enjoying each other as much as possible.
After two weeks, the girl approaches the two guys. "I'm sorry, I can't take it any more. I can't live like this." and she kills herself.
After two more weeks, one of the guys speaks up. "I'm sorry, I can't take it any more. I can't like like this."
The other guy looks at him and solemnly agrees. "You know what, you're right. We'll bury her tonight."

Just got a joke after 2 weeks.

Pavlov is sitting down reading a book. All of the sudden the phone rings and he says "f**...,I forgot to feed the dogs .

There was a pub quiz last week

And there was a round on Literature. The question was "Name the book where the characters all lived behind a wardrobe". Imagine the disgust when I shouted "The diary of Anne Frank"!

Religious Cowboy

The devout cowboy lost his favorite Bible while he was mending fences out on the range. Three weeks later, a toad walked up to him carrying the Bible in its mouth. The cowboy couldn't believe his eyes. He took the precious book out of the toad's mouth, raised his eyes heavenward and exclaimed, "It's a miracle!" "Not really," said the toad. "Your name is written inside the cover."

A guy gets his bike stolen from synagogue...

He goes to see his rabbi one day and says,
"Rabbi you won't believe what happened to me! Last week someone stole my bicycle from synagogue!"
The rabbi is deeply upset by this, but after thinking for a moment he offers a solution:
"Next week come to services, sit in the fron row, and when we recite the Ten Commandments, turn around and look at the people behind you. Aand when we get to 'Thou shalt not steal,' see who can't look you in the eyes and that's your guy."
The rabbi is very pleased with his suggestion, and so is the man. At the next service, the rabbi is very curious to learn whether his advice panned out. He waits for the man by the doors of the synagogue, and asks him,
"So, did it work?"
"Like a charm," the man answers. "The moment we got to 'Thou shalt not commit adultery,' I remembered where I left my bike!"
Complements of the book, "The (Honest) Truth About Dishonesty" by Dan Ariely

An act of Kindness....

A travel agent looked up from his desk to see an older lady and an older gentleman peering in the shop window at the posters showing the glamorous destinations around the world.
The agent had had a good week and the dejected couple looking in the window gave him a rare feeling of generosity.
He called them into his shop and said, "I know that on your pension you could never hope to have a holiday, so I am sending you off to a fabulous resort at my expense, and I won't take no for an answer."
He took them inside and asked his secretary to write two flight tickets and book a room in a five star hotel.
They, as expected, gladly accepted the offer, and were on their way.
About a month later the little lady came in to his shop."And how did you like your holiday?" he asked eagerly.
"The flight was exciting and the room was lovely," she said. "I've come to thank you.
But, one thing puzzled me.

"Who was that old guy I had to share the room with?"

A Pole, a German and a Russian go to prison...

A Pole, a German and a Russian are sent to prison. They each receive a 50-year sentence with no parole. The guard, when putting them in their cells, shows mercy on them and offers to give each of them a small supply of their favourite things to occupy their times. The Pole picks a collection of books by his favourite author, the German picks a case of strong beer, and the Russian picks a huge pack of cigarettes. After the 50 years pass, the guard checks on his prisoners. The Pole thanks the guard for allowing him to gain knowledge in his time, the German complains that he ran out of alcohol a week into his sentence, and the Russian asks the guard for a lighter.

The Lost Bible

One day a devout preacher lost his favorite Bible while he was at a spiritual retreat in the mountains. He was devastated, and began to lose his faith. Three weeks later, a dog walked up to him after church service, carrying the Bible in its mouth. The preacher couldn't believe his eyes.
He took the precious book out of the dog's mouth, raised his eyes heavenward and exclaimed, "It's a miracle!"
"Not really," said the dog. "Your name is written inside the cover."

My grandparents told me they wanted me to play my bagpipes at their f**...

I told them I was all booked up for next week.

A blonde joins a book club.

She goes along to the first meeting and it's her turn to share what she's been reading this week.
"Well, it took me a while to finish, but this was a brilliant read and I highly recommend it". She pulls out a bookmark and shows it to the group.
One of the members says, "Um... That's not a book"
"What are you talking about? Mark at the library gave me this when I asked him for a book!"

The sad truth

When you get your cake day at 2 am and can't post until and everyone after don believe you the sad truth
But anyways a friend asked me what i was reading and i said to him
Me: a anti gravity book and i think it's so intresting and impossible to put down
He didn't talk to me one week after

Today marks 5 weeks of isolation...

I'm walking 2 miles a day, no meat, dairy or flour. Eating fresh vegetables and home cooked meals every day. The change has been fantastic! I feel great!
Zero alcohol, a healthy diet, gluten free, caffeine free, sugar free and a 1 hour home workout each day! Lost 20 lbs and gained muscle mass. I've even cut my screen time in half and am reading a book a week.
I have no idea who wrote this, but I am really proud of them so I decided to copy and paste.

So I asked my girlfriend what she would want for her birthday next week

She said: "Well, I dreamt of a golden ring with lots of small diamonds."
I asked her: "What do you think it means?"
She smiled and said: "I don't know..."
Flash forward to her birthday, with all our family members at the table, I gave her my present.
I still don't know why she didn't like this book called 'Dreams and their Meanings'.

A police sergeant asks the new constable to see him in his office.

"Alright constable," said the sergeant. "Can you please explain to me why you have not booked any traffic offences in the two weeks since you have been here?"
"Well you see sir, every time I pull up a car, no matter the offence, I barely finish introducing myself before they take off."
"Alright constable, well let's act like you've just pulled me over and are going to write me a ticket"
"Ok Sarge. Good morning sir, I'm Constable Yoffrey Toogo."

At a conference a s**... therapist was discussing his book s**... in a Marriage

The therapist asked the audience how many couples have s**... daily about 20% of the audience raised their hands
then he asked how many couples have s**... weekly about 30% raised their hands
then he asked how many couples have s**... monthly the remaining audience raised their hands
Finally he asked how many have s**... yearly o**... in the back stood up smiling his hand stood
the therapist asked why are you so happy if you only have s**... one time a year ?
the guy answered because today's the day

A man in California spent 3 months, 2 weeks, 5 days and 19 hours, sculpting and carving the biggest replica Aspirin tablet for the Guinness Book of World Records.... only to find out there was still one bigger and his was second place.

That must have been a hard pill to s**....

It's a miracle

A devout old shepherd lost his favorite Bible while he was out looking for a wayward lamb. Three weeks later, a sheep walked up to him carrying the Bible in its mouth. The shepherd couldn't believe his eyes. He took the precious book out of the sheep's mouth, raised his eyes heavenward and exclaimed, It's a miracle!
Not really, said the sheep. Your name is written inside the cover.

Last week I launched a book aimed at 9 to 12 year olds.

I'm proud to say I hit one of the little s**....

Next time you're feeling down remember life is all about perspective

I have a friend who has s**... 2-3x a day, exercises twice a day, reads two books a week yet every day he complains about how much he hates prison

Next time you're feeling down, remember that life is all about perspective.

I have a friend who has s**... 2-3 times a day, exercises twice a day and reads two books every week yet he always complains how he much he hates prison.

Life is Perspective...

Next time you're feeling down, remember life is about perspective.
I have a friend that has s**... 2-3 times a day, exercises twice a day, reads two books a week, yet everyday he complains how much he hates prison.

Life is all a matter of perspective

For example, I know a guy who eats three square meals a day, reads two books a week, works out twice a day, has s**... every week...and STILL he complains about being in prison!

A blonde stormed up to the front desk of the library and screamed, "I have a complaint."

The Librarian looked up at her and asked, "How can I help you?"
The blonde answers, "I borrowed a book last week and it was horrible."
The Librarian in a puzzled tone, asks, "What was wrong with it?"
To that, the blonde replies, "It had way too many characters and there was no plot."
The Librarian nodded and said, "Ah. So YOU must be the person who took our phone book."

A blonde walks into a library and says to the librarian, "The book I borrowed last week was just awful. It had absolutely no plot, and the vocabulary was too complex!"

The librarian calls into the back room, "Hey, we found the lady who took our dictionary!"

Life is all about perspective. Take my friend for example...

...The guy has s**... at least twice a week. He works out like everyday. He reads a book at least every few days... but the guy is constantly complaining to me about hiw bad prison is.

LPT: If You're unhappy with your life, remember it's a question of perspective, my friend has s**... 2-3 times a day, exercises daily, reads two books weekly, but he's still complaining about his life prison

One day while a cowboy was building a barn.....

he lost his favorite book. A week later, one of his horses came up to him holding the book in its mouth. The cowboy was stunned. He took the book from the horse and said, It's a miracle!
Not exactly, said the horse. Your name is written inside.