Book Of Dad Jokes
32 book of dad jokes and hilarious book of dad puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about book of dad that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Book Of Dad Short Jokes
Short book of dad jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The book of dad humour may include short birthday dad jokes also.
- My first dad joke My step daughter told me she wanted to write a book called The Language of Farts. I said knowing her it would be a New York Times best smeller!
- Me and my dad read a book to understand each other better. but we were never on the same page
- I had no idea what to get my parents for their anniversary so I bought them a soup cook book. My dad was pretty mad since they don't like cooking and My mom has been stewing ever since.
- Dad: I need a lend of your dictionary . Son: Yeah you can have it .
Dad: That's great son but I was hoping for the whole book . - Why don't gas stations sell phone books and city maps? If the maps showed the names of the families, my dad would be able to find his way back home!
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Book Of Dad One Liners
Which book of dad one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with book of dad? I can suggest the ones about dads and dead dad.
- They made a book about my dad It's called The Invisible Man
- A little boy asked his dad, "why is the book so thick?" "It's a long story son."
- I bought a book on DIY. So far my dad has read me 103 pages of it.
- Who was the dad's favorite comic book hero? The Pun-isher.
- Hey dad, wanna see my new book? Yeah son, so long as it's not the novel coronavirus.
- My dad was so famous they wrote a book about him It's called The Invisible Man
- My dad just got a book from B&Q It's called 50 Shades of Grey
Uproarious Book Of Dad Jokes to Share with Friends
What funny jokes about book of dad you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean dads bad jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make book of dad pranks.
I'm laying in bed reading a book, when my dad walks in with a tape measure...
About five feet away from me he stops and starts pushing the tape out to me.
It gets closer and closer until it eventually pushes against my cheek.
I ask him "What are you doing?"
"I'm measuring your patience."
After my dad died, we found an old book hidden away in his study.
It was bound in some sort of leather, and emblazoned with the title TO SUMMON THE DREADED ANCIENT ONE .
When we opened it, all it contained was gran's phone number.
Patrons at the zoo were astonished to see an old man jump over the bars of the lion's cage
Seemingly oblivious to the danger, he walked among the fierce creatures holding the latest bestselling book in his hands, intently perusing its contents. The spectators were beside themselves.
"What in the world is he doing?" shouted one.
"Is he crazy? He's going to get killed!" yelled another.
"Don't worry about him," replied the man's son. "That's just my dad. He likes to read between the lions."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A boy hits his sister across the head with a book
The girl cries her eyes out and runs to her dad, "Daddy, Daddy, brother just hit me across the head with a book!"
The dad says "yeah yeah yeah, just another s**... story."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Yesterday, I accidentally sent a n**... picture of myself to everyone in my address book ...
My mom and dad must be horrified.
Modern Wedding Arrangements!
Daughter:
" Daddy, I am coming home to get married. Take out your cheque book.
Dad, I'm in love with a boy who is far away from me. I am in Australia and he lives in the UK .
We met on a dating website, became friends on Facebook, had long chats on Whatsapp, he proposed to me on Skype and now we've had two months of relationship through Viber.
Dad, I need your blessings good wishes and a big wedding."
Father: "Wow! Really!! Then get married on Twitter, have fun on Tango, buy your kids on Amazon and pay through Paypal. And if you are fed up with your husband....sell him on Ebay.
My father?
There was a young woman who had never known her father. One year, on Christmas day, a stranger knocked at her door.
When she opened the door, there was an older gentleman standing there. He looked at her face for a moment, then reached out and handed her a beautifully bound book of poetry.
"What is this?" she asked.
"A present," the man replied, "from your father."
"My father?" she said, "but I don't have a father."
"Rachel... you do...and I'm him." said the man, looking at the young woman. His eyes filling with tears. Her heart began racing at the thought that this may actually be him. But how could it be? After all this time?
"How can I really know if my father is present before me?" she asked.
The man, still crying, softly replied, "Rachel, your father is not present." He pointed at the book.
"Book is present."
Then the woman cried as she hugged her dad for the first time.
The pope dies and goes to heaven
He arrives at the pearly gates of heaven and meets Saint Peter. Saint Peter asks "What is your name?". The pope, expecting a warm welcome, reacts surprised. "I'm the pope!", he says. St Peter looks into his book but cannot find an entry for the pope. "I'm the head of catholic church, surely you must know me!" says the pope. St Peter doublechecks but can't find anything at all. The pope insists he should be more than welcome in heaven, so after a while, St Peter says "wait a second, I'll go get God".
God arrives and takes a look at the pope, but he doesn't recognise him either. The pope tries to explain his position as leader of the church on earth, but God just doesn't seem to understand much of it. He decides to get his son Jesus, maybe he knows more.
Jesus and the pope step aside and talk for a minute or 2. Then, a smiling Jesus goes back to God and says "Dad, do you remember that fishing club I had 2000 years ago? It still exists!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
"The watch"
My dad just reminded me of this old classic!
Jake is struggling through a bus station with two huge and obviously heavy suitcases when a stranger walks up to him and asks "Have you got the time?" Jake sighs, puts down the suitcases and glances at his wrist. "It's a quarter to six," he says. "Hey, that's a pretty fancy watch!" exclaims the stranger. Jake brightens a little. "Yeah, it's not bad. Check this out" - and he shows him a time zone display not just for every time zone in the world, but for the 86 largest metropolitan areas. He hits a few b**... and from somewhere on the watch a voice says "The time is eleven 'til six" in a very West Texas accent. A few more b**... and the same voice said something in Japanese. Jake continues "I've put in regional accents for each city". The display is unbelievably high quality and the voice is simply astounding. The stranger is struck dumb with admiration. "That's not all," says Jake. He pushes a few more b**... and a tiny but very hi-resolution, map of New York City appears on the display. "The flashing dot shows our location by satellite positioning," explains Jake. "View recede ten," Jake says, and the display changes to show eastern New York state. "I want to buy this watch!" says the stranger. "Oh, no, it's not ready for sale yet; I'm still working out the bugs, says the inventor. "But look at this," and he proceeds to demonstrate that the watch is also a very creditable little FM radio receiver with a digital tuner, a sonar device that can measure distances up to 125 meters, a pager with thermal paper printout and, most impressive of all, the capacity for voice recordings of up to 300 standard-size books," though I only have 32 of my favorites in there so far" says Jake. "I've got to have this watch!" says the stranger. "No, you don't understand; it's not ready." "I'll give you $1000 for it!" "Oh, no, I've already spent more than -" "I'll give you $5000 for it!" "But it's just not -" "I'll give you $15,000 for it!" And the stranger pulls out a checkbook. Jake stops to think. He's only put about $8500 into materials and development, and with $15,000 he can make another one and have it ready for merchandising in only six months. The stranger frantically finishes writing the check and waves it in front of him. "Here it is, ready to hand to you right here and now. $15,000. Take it or leave it." Jake abruptly makes his decision. "OK," he says, and peels off the watch. They make the exchange and the stranger starts happily away. "Hey, wait a minute," calls Jake after the stranger, who turns around warily. Jake points to the two suitcases he'd been trying to wrestle through the bus station. "Don't forget your batteries.
It's Fathers Day At Kindergarten And All the Kids Are Supposed To Make Cards... (Fixed)
...by drawing a picture of their father at work.
Teacher asks, "Logan, what does your father do?"
"My dad's a cop. I'm gonna draw him catching a bad guy."
Then the teacher asks, "Briei, what does your father do?"
Briei says, "My dad's a writer. I'm going to draw him with his new book."
Teacher gets to Little Johnny. "And what does your father do, Johnny?" The teacher looks at the card and is surprised to see it's a picture of a man stripping at a gay bar! Knowing better the teacher asks why he lied Little Johnny says, "My dad's the quarterback for The Vikings but i'm too embarrassed to tell that..."
The teacher faints.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Little boy and a priest
A little boy got on the bus, sat next to a man reading a book, and
noticed he had his collar on backwards.
The little boy asked why he wore his collar backwards.
The man, who was a priest, said, 'I am a Father..'
The little boy replied, 'My Daddy doesn't wear his collar like that.'
The priest looked up from his book and answered, ''I am the Father of
many.'
The boy said, ''My Dad has 4 boys, 4 girls and two grandchildren and he
doesn't wear his collar that way!'
The priest, getting impatient, said. 'I am the Father of hundreds', and
went back to reading his book.
The little boy sat quietly thinking for a while, then leaned over and said,
"Maybe you should wear a c**..., and put your pants on backwards
instead of your collar."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A joke from my childhood
Three men boarded a plane, a farmer, a teacher, and a soldier. Their plane crashed and released their luggage, but they survived. The farmer was looking for his suitcase full of watermelon when he saw a little boy crying, when asked why he responded
"because a watermelon fell on my dads head and he died."
The teacher was looking for her suitcase filled with books when she found a little girl in tears, she asked what was wrong and she said,
"A book fell on my daddy's head and he died."
The soldier was very worried looking for his suitcase with a bomb when he found a little boy in hysterics.
"What's so funny son?" he asked
"My dad f**... and then he exploded."
The Pope dies and arrives in Heaven
St. Peter awaits him. St. Peter asks who he is.
The Pope: "I am the pope."
St. Peter: "Who? There's no such name in my book."
The Pope: "I'm the representative of God on Earth."
St.Peter: "Does God have a representative? He didn't tell me ..."
The Pope: "But I am the leader of the Catholic Church ..."
St. Peter: "The Catholic church ... Never heard of it ... Wait, I'll check with the boss."
St. Peter walks away through Heaven's Gate to talk with God.
St. Peter: "There's a dude standing outside who claims he's your representative on earth."
God: "I don't have a representative on earth, not that I know of ... Wait, I'll ask Jesus." (yells for Jesus)
Jesus: "Yes Dad, what's up?"
God and St. Peter explain the situation.
Jesus: "Wait, I'll go outside and have a little chat with that fellow."
Ten minutes pass and Jesus reenters the room Jeffery Epstien didn't kill himself laughing out loud. After a few minutes St. Peter asks Jesus why he's laughing.
Jesus: "Remember that fishing club I've started 2000 years ago? It still exists!"