Book Of Dad Jokes
33 book of dad jokes and hilarious book of dad puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about book of dad that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Book Of Dad Short Jokes
Short book of dad jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The book of dad humour may include short birthday dad jokes also.
- My first dad joke My step daughter told me she wanted to write a book called The Language of Farts. I said knowing her it would be a New York Times best smeller!
- Me and my dad read a book to understand each other better. but we were never on the same page
- I had no idea what to get my parents for their anniversary so I bought them a soup cook book. My dad was pretty mad since they don't like cooking and My mom has been stewing ever since.
- Dad: I need a lend of your dictionary . Son: Yeah you can have it .
Dad: That's great son but I was hoping for the whole book . - Why don't gas stations sell phone books and city maps? If the maps showed the names of the families, my dad would be able to find his way back home!
- Yesterday, I accidentally sent a n**... picture of myself to everyone in my address book ... My mom and dad must be horrified.
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Book Of Dad One Liners
Which book of dad one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with book of dad? I can suggest the ones about dads and dead dad.
- They made a book about my dad It's called The Invisible Man
- A little boy asked his dad, "why is the book so thick?" "It's a long story son."
- I borrowed a book from my dad about anti-gravity I couldn't put it down.
- I bought a book on DIY. So far my dad has read me 103 pages of it.
- Who was the dad's favorite comic book hero? The Pun-isher.
- Hey dad, wanna see my new book? Yeah son, so long as it's not the novel coronavirus.
- My dad was so famous they wrote a book about him It's called The Invisible Man
- My dad just got a book from B&Q It's called 50 Shades of Grey
Uproarious Book Of Dad Jokes to Share with Friends
What funny jokes about book of dad you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean dads bad jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make book of dad pranks.
Concerned that his son was spending too much time on video games, a dad told him, When Abe Lincoln was your age, he was studying books by the light of the fireplace.
Oh yeah? the son retorts. Well, when Abe Lincoln was your age, he was President of the United States.
So my friend had some issue with his hearing....
My friend was having some issues with his hearing, so he booked a doctor's appointment. The doctor checked him over and had a look in his ears. The doctor said "okay. So, describe the symptoms". My friend said "well, there's homer. He's the dad. And there's Marge, she's got big blue hair..."
I'm laying in bed reading a book, when my dad walks in with a tape measure...
About five feet away from me he stops and starts pushing the tape out to me.
It gets closer and closer until it eventually pushes against my cheek.
I ask him "What are you doing?"
"I'm measuring your patience."
Book of Dad Jokes [X-Post with DadJokes]
A father and his son are having drinks at a bar to celebrate the birth of the son's first child.
The dad hands his son a thick, leather bound book and says, "son, this book is a collection of the world's greatest dad jokes. Now that you're a father, it's time that I passed it on to you."
The son gets a little teary and says, "oh, Dad, I'm touched." The father responds, "Nice to meet you Touched, I'm Dad."
After my dad died, we found an old book hidden away in his study.
It was bound in some sort of leather, and emblazoned with the title TO SUMMON THE DREADED ANCIENT ONE .
When we opened it, all it contained was gran's phone number.
Patrons at the zoo were astonished to see an old man jump over the bars of the lion's cage
Seemingly oblivious to the danger, he walked among the fierce creatures holding the latest bestselling book in his hands, intently perusing its contents. The spectators were beside themselves.
"What in the world is he doing?" shouted one.
"Is he crazy? He's going to get killed!" yelled another.
"Don't worry about him," replied the man's son. "That's just my dad. He likes to read between the lions."
A boy hits his sister across the head with a book
The girl cries her eyes out and runs to her dad, "Daddy, Daddy, brother just hit me across the head with a book!"
The dad says "yeah yeah yeah, just another s**... story."
Modern Wedding Arrangements!
Daughter:
" Daddy, I am coming home to get married. Take out your cheque book.
Dad, I'm in love with a boy who is far away from me. I am in Australia and he lives in the UK .
We met on a dating website, became friends on Facebook, had long chats on Whatsapp, he proposed to me on Skype and now we've had two months of relationship through Viber.
Dad, I need your blessings good wishes and a big wedding."
Father: "Wow! Really!! Then get married on Twitter, have fun on Tango, buy your kids on Amazon and pay through Paypal. And if you are fed up with your husband....sell him on Ebay.
My father?
There was a young woman who had never known her father. One year, on Christmas day, a stranger knocked at her door.
When she opened the door, there was an older gentleman standing there. He looked at her face for a moment, then reached out and handed her a beautifully bound book of poetry.
"What is this?" she asked.
"A present," the man replied, "from your father."
"My father?" she said, "but I don't have a father."
"Rachel... you do...and I'm him." said the man, looking at the young woman. His eyes filling with tears. Her heart began racing at the thought that this may actually be him. But how could it be? After all this time?
"How can I really know if my father is present before me?" she asked.
The man, still crying, softly replied, "Rachel, your father is not present." He pointed at the book.
"Book is present."
Then the woman cried as she hugged her dad for the first time.
The pope dies and goes to heaven
He arrives at the pearly gates of heaven and meets Saint Peter. Saint Peter asks "What is your name?". The pope, expecting a warm welcome, reacts surprised. "I'm the pope!", he says. St Peter looks into his book but cannot find an entry for the pope. "I'm the head of catholic church, surely you must know me!" says the pope. St Peter doublechecks but can't find anything at all. The pope insists he should be more than welcome in heaven, so after a while, St Peter says "wait a second, I'll go get God".
God arrives and takes a look at the pope, but he doesn't recognise him either. The pope tries to explain his position as leader of the church on earth, but God just doesn't seem to understand much of it. He decides to get his son Jesus, maybe he knows more.
Jesus and the pope step aside and talk for a minute or 2. Then, a smiling Jesus goes back to God and says "Dad, do you remember that fishing club I had 2000 years ago? It still exists!"
"The watch"
My dad just reminded me of this old classic!
Jake is struggling through a bus station with two huge and obviously heavy suitcases when a stranger walks up to him and asks "Have you got the time?" Jake sighs, puts down the suitcases and glances at his wrist. "It's a quarter to six," he says. "Hey, that's a pretty fancy watch!" exclaims the stranger. Jake brightens a little. "Yeah, it's not bad. Check this out" - and he shows him a time zone display not just for every time zone in the world, but for the 86 largest metropolitan areas. He hits a few b**... and from somewhere on the watch a voice says "The time is eleven 'til six" in a very West Texas accent. A few more b**... and the same voice said something in Japanese. Jake continues "I've put in regional accents for each city". The display is unbelievably high quality and the voice is simply astounding. The stranger is struck dumb with admiration. "That's not all," says Jake. He pushes a few more b**... and a tiny but very hi-resolution, map of New York City appears on the display. "The flashing dot shows our location by satellite positioning," explains Jake. "View recede ten," Jake says, and the display changes to show eastern New York state. "I want to buy this watch!" says the stranger. "Oh, no, it's not ready for sale yet; I'm still working out the bugs, says the inventor. "But look at this," and he proceeds to demonstrate that the watch is also a very creditable little FM radio receiver with a digital tuner, a sonar device that can measure distances up to 125 meters, a pager with thermal paper printout and, most impressive of all, the capacity for voice recordings of up to 300 standard-size books," though I only have 32 of my favorites in there so far" says Jake. "I've got to have this watch!" says the stranger. "No, you don't understand; it's not ready." "I'll give you $1000 for it!" "Oh, no, I've already spent more than -" "I'll give you $5000 for it!" "But it's just not -" "I'll give you $15,000 for it!" And the stranger pulls out a checkbook. Jake stops to think. He's only put about $8500 into materials and development, and with $15,000 he can make another one and have it ready for merchandising in only six months. The stranger frantically finishes writing the check and waves it in front of him. "Here it is, ready to hand to you right here and now. $15,000. Take it or leave it." Jake abruptly makes his decision. "OK," he says, and peels off the watch. They make the exchange and the stranger starts happily away. "Hey, wait a minute," calls Jake after the stranger, who turns around warily. Jake points to the two suitcases he'd been trying to wrestle through the bus station. "Don't forget your batteries.